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Childhood feels thread
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

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>be in 1st grade
>new girl comes to class one day
>average looking
>doesn't really talk to anybody or has any friends
>teacher always lets us play with toys and shit 30 minutes before school ends
>playing pokemon on my gameboy advance I had gotten for christmas
>new girl suddenly sits beside me
>timidly asks me if she can watch me play
>I let her since I don't have many friends
>we eventually become very good friends throughout elementary school
>we do everything together
>at one point around 3rd grade she calls me cute
>shrug it off thinking it was just her telling me i'm funny
>continues to flirt with me throughout 4th and 5th grade
>remain completely oblivious to it
>she gives up around the end of 5th grade
>at the start of middle school in 6th grade she starts making other friends and since i'm finally going through puberty I develop a crush on her
>she starts doing stuff with her other friends, leaving me to be a lonely robot who still has a crush on her
>pretty much abandons me in 7th grade
>spend the rest of middle school and high school trying to win her over
>after we graduate she goes to some college out of state
>don't go to college
>become a lifeless neet
>looked her up on facebook and twitter a few minutes ago
>she is now a lesbian tumblrista feminist cunt who owns 6 cats
>tfw no other girl has ever shown me that much affection
You could have changed her, you had an opportunity and you let it pass. But we've all done that, the regret, the constant "what ifs"
That is why I feel so guilty. She is like that because of me. I ruined her life.
We all make mistakes anon, some are harder to get past. Is it possible to talk to her again? Pull her out of this rut? Like by having a calm discussion with here about things like the wage gap?
>be me
>was born
The best part is that her current state is probably your fault. She hates men because you ignored her.
I really don't think that is possible without starting a shitshow. She is really far gone. If I try to talk to her and show her my feelings for her she would probably say "You had your fucking chance!" or "That was in fucking elementary school! Get over it and stop oppressing me!". This is why I am so interested by these kinds of people. They are just like us when you think about it.
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Don't rub it in.
literally none of this was caused by you
>1st grade
>new girl
>average looking
Can't tell if this is fucked or if I'm the weird one for not rating girls' looks at that age.
I guess so, I feel like the topics we circlejerk about are better then the tumblrinas' . that could just be bias tho
>2nd Grade
>made first (and, for about four more years, only) friend
>asks me if I can name my friends for him
>all of them are family and my dogs
>at the time, this didn't seem weird to me
>looking back on it, I realize I was a robot from the beginning
>for years I told myself the reason others hated me was because I was smarter than they were
>they didn't hate me at all, just didn't know who I was because I never cared to socialize with anyone
>at this point basically the social outcast
>in High School, have a friend circle of about 5 people
>think I have overcome my social issues
>get to University
>two semesters in without a single friend
>don't bother to say hi to anyone because afraid and nervous
>just like when I was a kid
>realize the reason people don't like me is that I ignore them out of fear and they think I am just an asshole
>realize this has been my entire life up to this point
>realize it will probably be my entire life from this point on
>Grade 6
>Cute blonde girl sits beside me
>We always talk and share experiences
>She asks me if I have dated anyone one day
>I got nervous, told her my parents won't let me date this young
>She lights up, asks me when I can start dating someone
>Still making shit up, I tell her 18 years old, she says "oh"
>I don't get the hint, meanwhile I have a major crush on her but no balls

>Grade 7
>She's in my class again, but not beside me
>I now have a bigger crush on her & fantasize about her all the time
>One day we're doing art stuff in class, she's beside me
>I'm just imagining what would happen if I confessed
>Massive butterflies and chills just at the thought, but obv i wouldn't dare
>The class is being sort of loud, nobody can really hear us talking
>She suddenly spills a 5 minute speech about how she loves me
>Tells me she's officially my gf etc.
>I am absolutely speechless, didn't say a word the whole time
>Avoid her for weeks later, literally scared out of my mind
>She comes up to me at recess one day, says "it's over"

>Grade 8
>She's in my class AGAIN
>I avoid her as much as I can all year
>Minimized contact with her as much as possible
>What a fucking horrible school-year, thankfully we went to different highschools after

Since then, anytime I liked a girl I would seriously keep my distance from her in case there's something mutual. I shit myself at the thought of actually being with them in real life, but enjoy the fantasies.
It's not your fault, anon. She was the one that ditched you.
>Grade 5
>I'm the kid who doesn't really talk much
>There's this kid with some kind of glandular problem
>Other kids start making fun of him
>I decide to defend him and try to be friends with him
>Now I'm the quiet kid who is friends with the sick kid
>The class starts to make fun of me too
>For some reason they hate me more than the sick kid
>Start to become a robot

My mistake was not being an asshole
some childhood feels right up in this bitch
>last couple of days in 12th grade
>tfw mixed mutt asian
>tfw average asian height with broad-shoulders
>QT brunette shy girl who always sleeps in class
>literally talks to noone except her equally as attractive twin
>10/10 genes: fit/gorgeous, pretty much would defile gene pool with
>smiles at me occasionally, invites me to to lunch with twin
>however, she is goddamn 6'4", at least 180pds
>I'm about 5'6", 120 pounds
>twin isn't even an option due to our clashing personalities

Fuck, I honestly feel like a chihuahua trying to inseminate an akita.
>Grade 6
>Wandering around for recess as per usual
>Skittles mudda fucka
>Random girl runs up to me, screaming about someone liking me
>Gets dragged off by two other girls smiling with their hands on her mouth
I never did find out what the fuck was up with that, but I didn't search. I did get my ass slapped though for some reason by a chick, I hated middleschool.
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>6th grade
>Near end of the year
>Excited because I have a yearbook, rarely ever get a yearbook, only 6th and 4th grade
>Have it sitting on my desk one day
>Look away/ Go do something else, cant remember which
>Its gone
>Get all pissed and start looking for it
>Throwing a bitch fit like the autistic bad temper faggot I was
>"Chad did you take my yearbook?"
>*chuckles* No I didn't anon, calm down
>co-teacher gets involved
>"Did you guys take Anon's yearbook? Come on guys its not funny, just give it back to him"
>Look into my desk
>It was hidden in there the entire time
>Normies giggling at me

I ended up throwing away those yearbooks a couple years later
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I know that feel exactly.
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>Watch tv even though I don't really want to and it made me feel sick I was just too autistic to make friends and lived in a very calm and boring neighborhood school was alright though still anti-social behavior sometimes but had friends
>Browse pointless fora on the internet or play world of warcraft just to socialize school was more or less a sad case of autism I didn't even get bullied anymore or not much at all that it mattered at the end it was rather just really sad nobody wanted to bully me anymore they just couldn't I reached that level of worthlessness that bullies didn't even want to bully me anymore
>some terrible shit happens go litterally insane don't ask
>Still worthless though I'm a little good at drawing..
Life is suffering isn't it guys? It is supposed to be suffering otherwise is actually just really uncommon. Most people suffer. Why does the media try to portray that it's normal to be happy? Why can't it support most people pychologically is it because mothers have their ovaries tinkle with fear when they see violence or deep meaningful storylines? I don't know.
I honestly didn't realize it until I told the story about making my first friend in 2nd grade to someone, and they told me that that was depressing.
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You were what, 8? Get a fucking life who reminisces over girls they knew in goddamn elementary school Jesus Christ dude
Haha!!! You wanted to fuck a future feminist. Heheheh.
>be me, 11 - 16
>bullied for 5 years

The end.
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>Happy life living with mom and dad at age of 14
>Just graduated from 8th grade and finished my first day of summer school for math since our teacher taught us wrong as a joke
>Was playing some video games and had to go to the bathroom real quick
>There's a fucking dildo right on top of the hamper
>Called up my mom and asked her about it
>Turns out it wasn't hers

And that's when my childhood ended.
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It was your dads wasn't it.
>be funny fat kid in 5th grade
>me and cool kids are tight
>6th grade
>cool kids now friends with other schools cool kids
>I'm fat and can't do sports
>lose all my friends within a week
>now I'm just the fat kid
>try to be funny, everyone tells me I'm not funny
>now everyone thinks I'm a pussy
>all confidence I ever had was destroyed in one week
I hated middle school
Get off /r9k/ charles you fat-ass
>grade 8
>crush on girl even though I tried not to like anyone
>fucking enemies last year but everything was cool now (We became friends because we found out we actually liked the same stuff)
>talked to her almost every day and every day with her was the best day ever
>makes me feel happy every time we talk
>cool with her mom
>working up courage to confess love
>decide to tell her the day after her birthday at the end of school day
>really fucking nervous but finally do it
>she walks away
>doesn't show up next day
>shows up day after, but doesn't talk to me as much
>when we do, it's only one sided 5 word conversations that aren't fun anymore
>go to the same high school
>freshman year, maybe like 2 times the whole year where we actually talked
>never talk anymore after that
>still see her usually
>feelings are buried but some still remain
I should have never liked her, I should have never told her, I would have been much happier than I am now.
Liking people is a trap.
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>mfw I still fall in love with any girl who so much as speaks to me
>be in first grade
>everyone make your ideal room out of blocks
>I hook that shit up with secret panels and hovering furniture, modular surfaces, explain holographic panels, blocks come together and apart seamlessly to achieve this
>teacher stares blankly, kids stare blankly
>other kids have some plain-ass shit "here's my bed an a lamp, I like baseball" "my bed has unicorns on it teehee" teacher applauds

and another

>be in 3rd grade
>teacher say draw dream car everyone
>draw badass hovercar with jet propulsion and antigravity, goes mach 5 ez, aerodynamic asf
>everyone shares with class
>it uses antigravity

I learned at an early age that people are fucking simple fucks
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OP, are you Phineas?
I feel like things could've changed if you stayed with her. If so, you fucked up bad OP, but take a moment to realise that people like that can become such worthless cunts
Must be good to be so delusional that you think you had any impact in her life whatsoever.
brutal man, life can play out in a hard way
holy shit I know that feel, took me years to realize my role in actively engaging with other people

sorry champ, wish you the best

fuck people, you tried and that counts for something



kids are shit

that was a shitty way for her to deal with it, hope you weren't too autistic about professing love
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>meet qt in prime school
>we do alot together
>even hold hands with her
>move away in 3rd grade
>only ever knew her first name for some reason
>can't look her up on social media
>fast forward 10 years
>Both of us are 17 now
>go ice skating with one of my only friends, his gf and couple of her friends
>qt from prime school
>fail to recognise her at first
>only remember after hearing her name
>she now has a boyfriend
>for some "unknown" reason she breaks up with him 2 weeks later
>we get together
>anon has his first gf
>loose the V card
>be happily in relationship
>we both graduate from high school
>she goes 2 a college 600 km away from me
>moves away
>we both know we have to break up
>around that time re-discover 4chan
>distance myself from Friends
>seclude myself from family
>fast forward 3 years
>Posting in this thread
>every morning there's a question on the board and we have to write an answer to it
>today's question is "If you had a $100 bill, what would you do with it?"
>being the clever fucker I am, write "go to a copying machine and make 100 more!"
>butthurt kid tells me I can't do that because it's illegal
>get into an argument
>still a bit mad about it to this day
Fuck you John I'll print counterfeit money if I want to.

Strange, the meaningless things we still remember years later.
Literally just told her that I was in love with her and she walked away.
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>"Unfortunate Son" starts playing
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I've never told anyone this. It hurts to mention it.

>be me, 3rd grade
>have a teacher who would occasionally empty your desk on the floor of it was messy
>me, who would remove his peepee poo poo tightly whities and go commando for the rest of the day
>I hid them at the back of my desk
>Walk in one morning, see 7-9 pairs of my shit scented underpants on the floor surrounded by my books and pencils
>Teacher is visibly disgusted, room reeks of shit
>Principal pulls me aside for the rest of the day to talk about Hygiene.
>I ended up attending that school for the next 3 and a half years.

I absolutely wish I was lying. I was honest to god autistic.
You weren't the only autistic one in this situation, dude. That's pretty mean for a teacher to do that.
What a shitty teacher
I literally pissed myself 3 times in 4th grade because I couldn't unbutton my pants. I'd just put toilet paper down my pants to soak it up and went about my day. My childhood was sad.
So many repressed memories have come back recently for some reason
The song is called "it ain't me"
He was pretty bad, even went as far as to tell my mom when the principal went out of there easy to make sure she wouldn't know. I've got more, slightly less autistic stories I'll tell if the thread needs a bump.
>fucktons of self confidence in elementary
>only non sports kid in elementary, girls liked the omega shit for some reason
>no actual friends tho
>middle school
>make some friends in grade 8
>leave me by end of year
>freshman year
>mega bullied and no self esteem
>crush on a qt
>she likes me back, but we are both emo cucks who are afraid of each other
>normie rest of highschool
literally none of that is because of you. believe me. Considering it was in like, 4-5th grade, there's no way that relationship would still be going today. You'd just be an ex-bf who gives her even more reason to hate men today. I had a gf in like fifth grade who now is sjw/tumblr tier. I dunno.
>4th grade
>we have to decide which job we think somebody is best suited for
>get paired with then, a girl i got along fairly well with
>she asks me to put her as a pet shop owner
>lol no bitch
>put "Serial Killer"
>she sees, and reports
>later, everyone is asking me if I really called her a serial killer
I was always known for weird, suprising shit like that apparently

>4-5th grade
>hanging out with my homies in afterschool care
>find about these toys called fleexez (pic related)
>Like the autistic gifted kids we are, we go absolutely haywire on this shit
>we build dragons, have dragon fights, dragon augment shops
>I even set up a dragon insurance company where I jewed everyone out of fleexez
>eventually, realize that there's only one pink fleexe left, we decide that it should be a special fleexe capable of massive feats of magic
>as soon as we empty the box of fleexez, it became a mad scramble for the pink one
Just as a side note, my personal favorite dragons were the "simple dragons" (basic small dragons that could be easily augmented), as well as wind catchers that were not only simple, but it's wings were shaped like a bowl so it could have extra wind power.
>anyways one day, only 3 of us are there, we decide to make a sort of fleexez economy game, where we made items and had to sell them
>a girl decided to join us, after like 20 minutes she realized our playstyle was incredibly aggressive, literally destroying each others shops, routing away potential customers when we had the chance, she pretty much said "fuck this", and left
Man, elem was awesome, we played a shit ton of other OC games, if anybody wants to hear them.
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>1st Grade
>Live in some shitty hood full of white trash
>Have like 3 friends
>Go to one of their houses one day
>Knock on the door
>Friend comes out and calls me a little faggot (he was in 5th grade) and pushes me off his steps
>Get mad and knock on the door again
>Tells me to get the fuck out of here and never come back
>Fuck that
>Go and sit in a bush outside his house to piss him off
>He sits on his porch for about 3 minutes staring at me
>Starts throwing rocks
>One of the rocks was about the size of an ashtray
>He heaves it and it fucking smacks me in the chin
>He fucking busts out laughing while I start crying
>Have a bruise the size of the rock on my chin for weeks
Ofcourse anons pic implies that not his post was the scary part but what the future will hold is.
There was worse, granted.

>10 or 11, Can't remember
>One of my other friends wanted me to go fishing with him over the summer
>Saved some money and bought a fishing pole, still had money left over in my pocket
>Walking to his house
>Knock on the door
>No answer
>A minute or two later his older brother walks out who was 18 and approaches me
>'Sup runt, what do you want?'
>Is Jake here?
>"No, but I am. What do you want?"
>Nothing man I just wanted to go fishing with Jake.
>Money is sticking out of my pocket
>"What do you got there?"
>Fucking tackles me and wrestles me to the ground
>Reaches in my pocket and steals the 13 dollars I had
>Before he gets up he plants his fist into my nose and debilitates me for a couple minutes
>Wake up and go back to my house and tell my mom what happened
>She gets furious and goes and bitches at Jake's mom who was grocery shopping when this happened
>6 hours later get my 13 whole dollars back

>grade 9
>socially retarded and stoic
>repress all emotion
>literally obese
>no friends
>first day mandatory freshmen social studies class
>sit alone at empty table
>shortly thereafter flooded with females
>grow to like one of them over the course of a couple months
>she seemed receptive to me; had a number of things in common; good chemistry
>eventually realize that I need to change if I'm going to outcompete chad et al
>drop 50lbs over the next few months, start dressing nicely, develop social skills
>great success; we became inseparable
>the school year eventually draws to a close
>never totally overcame my social incompetence, as normal as I appeared to be
>did not stay in touch with her
>10th grade
>no classes together
>entire year alone; still overwhelmed by fear when it comes to initiating conversation
>11th grade
>two classes together
>it's as though we are strangers
>12th grade
>know that it's my last chance to speak with her before we go our separate ways
>do nothing
>present day
>I still think about her every day
>my freshman year of high school was the best year of my entire life, and I let everything that I gained that year slip through my fingers
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Jesus and I though my life was depressing. After years of acting all tough, unique big dicked and OP I've finally come to realize that in a friendless anti social bastardized who managed to fail ever using non family related social connection I ever had and when I thoyght I was acting cool o was just obliviously retarded saying the cringes shit 24/7 now I have nothing. I wasted my life i don't know have a decent sports skills no unique art talents, no writing capabilities and no friend also still s virgin
But no offense your story makes mine looking like a fucking walk in the park Jesus Christ
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P.s thank for sharing your extremely depressing life story in a un chronological way it makes for a very interesting read showing diffrent point of your life
Apart from the acting all tough, I think most of us are in the same boat.
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>At home with sister
>Finished watching Lord of the Rings, the one with Saruman and the tower
>Get inspired by the TEN THOUSAND ORKS scene, which was legit the coolest shit ever
>Me and my sister setup toy soldiers/jax/all kinds of shit on the floor of the living room in neat little rows and pretend they're orks
>Stack some pillows up next to the railing looking down on our ork army and take turns walking slowly to the pillows, climbing them, and shouting TEN THOUSAND before climbing down and trading places
>After a bit one of the ork lines was slacking
>Go over to straighten them out a bit before they fell over
>Sister screams from the top of the railing DONT TOUCH MY ORKS
>Touch them anyways
>She shouts something but loses her balance, falls
>She broke her neck and died on impact

Railing was above the living room, one of those weird walkways so you can look down and pretend you're rich from the 2nd floor

It was my idea to stack the pillows there, I don't think I'll ever be able to live with myself
I'd like to hear them anon.
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Why did you touch the orcs
Oh god

Why did you touch the orcs
lolled until the last line
shits heavy
My biggest regret is being completely oblivious for years until it was too late
Jesus fucking Christ in heaven that's fucked up
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these threads make me feel better about myself
You deserved it you little faggot, why didn't you just get the fuck outta my property
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>have unibrow
>no one gives a shit in elementary school
>see nothing wrong with it because of this
>move to another state as I start middle school
>shit on from day 1 over my unibrow
>literally no friends because new state
>bullied every single day
>every day during lunch I sit alone in the corner table no one uses
>if I try to sit with everyone else they just move away
>become friends with a kid named Derek
>he's just as lonely as me
>is constantly sick, blood shot eyes, always blowing his nose and nasally voice
>still fuck it a friend is a friend
>everything is still shitty
>come home drained from bullying
>always feel bad because my mom loves me but I just can't be bothered to do anything but lock myself in my room
>come home one day to birthday decorations
>mom and grandma sing me happy birthday
>have a happy party with my family
That's still my happiest memory to date. I was probably on the brink of crying at the time. I love my mom so much, may have actually killed myself if not for her.
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>Typical robo nerd, highschool
>No friends
>Sit with the cool kids at lunch if there's space
>Day after day of boredom
>One night, walk out to see the fireworks display (july 4th) near my house on the water
>Literally bump into a girl I've seen in some of my classes
>Awkward, but pretty in her own way
>We get chatting, for whatever reason I'm really comfortable, joking around and enjoying myself
>She's laughing
>We become close friends, spend all our time together playing N64 games and she brings over her gameboy to try to get me into pokemon, never takes but I have fun with her
>Later in Highschool, start to develop feelings
>Working up the courage to tell her
>Overhear her talking to a friend, friend asks if she's a virgin and she says "god no, I went to that party at chad's house last week and lost my v card"
>Feel crushed, we weren't dating but it's not like our feelings were any mystery
>Walk up to her after school and yell her head off, tell her she's shit and she treated me like shit and that I don't want to be friends with her ever again and that she was a slut
>Go home
>A mutual friend calls me, tells me she wasn't even at that party, she was at his house helping his mom bake cookies or some other cute shit to bring to me
>Turns out she lied so she wouldn't seem like a loser to her friend
>Feel like a total idiot
>Resolve to apologize to her the following Monday
>She doesn't show
>She killed herself that weekend after I blew up at her

I loved her /r9k/, I wish I could take it all back
This is why I shy away from social interaction. It's just too much to think about how important my words may be and how off-the-cuff I sm about using them.
Dude he was like fucking 11 by the time he realized he liked her. Also, that relationship would have never lasted.

Its not his fault here.
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>the time the girl I loved said "i never loved you." then shortly followed by "I want you out of my life"
>the time I found out my dad raped my sister
>the time I found out no one liked me
>that one time you could feel your base humanity slowly wither and you become a bitter and angry loner.
>all those times I took steps to isolate myself
>all those failures
>everytime someone never cared or didnt give me a chance
>the girls that lied about liking me or wanting to be friends

You know, life wouldnt be so bad if there was just some reason for being here. Or maybe if I had some hope.

Its just that nothing matters. Everytime I try I end up worse off. I really wish I was never born. There was never any way to win this game.You're fucked from the start. If god exist I hope he has a good fucking explanation for this bullshit.
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