>spend all my money on cocaine
>spend all the change i can find on booze to wash it down
>absolutely alone on this earth
please, please someone tell me this isn't what it's going to be like forever
i love acid, i just don't can't get a hook-up where i live. it's been almost a year since i had a real trip, january since i ingested five fucking hits trying to get that high back. it was gone man.
i do this every time i fear i'll be alone for the rest of my life.
i just can't go back to shivering in fear. i almost don't care if this is what does me in, i'm just so afraid of the rest of my life.
Go into the Army, bro; I'm signing as a 37F in like a week. You'll have to cut the drugs, but can fuck with synthetics (really small test window) that give the same effects and can drink ... but with some real brothers. I was only guard before, but want to be active so I can have a second family. If nothing else, get on some good forums for drugs and the shit you like. You can always make friends to do shit with, and most don't give a fuck if you have cash. Game, clean up and date around, etc. You can do anything you want, as long as you try.
you're right, i can do this. i'll make an effort and give others a shot. it's just they keep leaving me. since i was 16 i've had to make a new set of "friends" every few months before they get up and leave or disappear.
but what you say it's the truth, it's gotta be better than living like this. it's been a rough year, maybe i should respect myself more than just allowing myself to wallow in self-pity and temporary highs.
i'll see what i can do.. it's just still 3am and i'm out of my head. next week's a brand new start. i christened my last line for the night and hopefully the last in a long time. life just sucks when you get sober, but i'll make it count. i don't know how, but i will.
I was in a similar situation as yourself a few years ago but I turned it around and became a ham radio operator, which i dont practise because I hate other ham radio operators but it gives me an excuse to go to radio meetings, and talk shit about other people that didnt turn up.
>don't know a dealer
you know a fucking coke dealer, just ask him if he knows where to get oxy
i assure you, he fucking does
then buy oxy, it's the same pretty much and then you ask your oxy guy for heroin
done and done
what do you expect? there's a thread about suicide like 24/7 on this fucking board
i don't know about radio operating but i guess i could post a slip on the board of my local music jamming space and see if anyone answers. if they won't go to me, i'll go to them. and otherwise i could hang out in front of some crowded places and see if i can strike up a conversation. it sounds crazy but i've tried it before when i fell into this hole when i was younger.
listen man, i appreciate the support. i just didn't want to feel like a waste of space. thanks, bro.
no bothers, i've been there. my uncle killed himself with heroin so that fucked up my whole family. id stay off the hard drugs if I were you but I know that may not be an option. fucking doctors gave me zyprexa and it almost killed me. you dont need to know much about radios, lotsa dudes start off with a 27mhz cb with no license I made a few friends and a lot of enemies that way but im a horrible person so i have to force others to talk to me by breaking into conversations and being the center of attention.