I've struck a new tier of misery somehow. Thought about suicide every day, ever hour for nine fucking years. I held it off.
At one point of shit going wrong in my life I was just about to buy an exit bag and go through with it, then I started reading, pushing my comfort zone, developing, trying to see other mindsets and so on. It pulled me out of depression for three months, then it came back slowly. Now I'm miserable, alone, and miserably alone while still trying to improve myself because I love everything but myself. I want this feeling to die so I can actually fucking kill myself, I feel like I'm torturing myself while wasting time and postponing my suicide.
This life and world get worse by the day, but nobody knows what happens after we die. As an agnostic atheist, I'm leaning towards oblivion. I'm in no rush yet for that. Perhaps once my health begins to decline precipitously.
>>26430330 I have one major passion and a few interests. I pursue them as much as I can but the depression is killing almost all will to follow them, and as a result makes it even worse for me because each day I regret not doing more.
I haven't been happy in a long time. I crawl out of bed at the last minute every morning, go to my wagecuck job for 10 hours, put on a plastic smile for my coworkers, go to a drive thru for dinner and then go home and sit around on the computer until I fall asleep.
I've tried and failed to get along with other people. Either they hurt me or I hurt them and after everything I've just come to the conclusion that I'm not really compatible with other people. I wouldn't be upset if I got diagnosed with some terminal illness. I'm just existing day by day, waiting for whatever it is that will kill me to come and kill me.
The only reason I don't kill myself is because I'm too scared to and I don't have an easy option available like a gun or a helium tank.
>>26430270 Happiness is a delusion, but so is unhappiness. You might think you're digging down to a more truthful darker reality, but matter of fact is our perception is imperfect any which way. To think there is happiness in our situations is close to insanity. You must embrace that insanity, if you want to break through. I would like to say talking to a doctor could never hurt, but they can be idiots. I don't believe the words I say, but I know they are true from experience.
I just want to die and not have my family be sad. I want to write a note so clever and profound and deep and understandable that they'll know it wasn't their fault with 100% certainty, and to move on without me. I want to watch them from whatever great beyond lies out there, and give them an audience as they grow and mature into beautiful happy beings I want to be there at the gates fifty or sixty years when their time is up, and fill them in on all they've missed, feeling an unimaginable joy in our reunion
>>26432269 You romanticize death way much you could be enjoying life travel go to fucking thailand girls will bang you and ladyboys will assfuck you get out of your comfort zone you giant niggerfaggot.
I wish I were dead, but I'm too cowardly to kill myself. So instead I spend much of my time incredibly sad or otherwise unhappy, except when I'm watching anime.
Anyone else hope something terrible will spontaneously happen just so you can die? For example, at the store or something an armed man pops out of nowhere and shoots you. Or you get involved in an instantly fatal car crash, at least one where only you die. The former especially I fantasize about constantly.
Thread replies: 41 Thread images: 22
Thread DB ID: 511590
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at email@example.com with the post's information.