ITT: You convince me that life is worth living and maybe then I go to therapist and fix my life
>20 year old male virgin
>no friends since middle school
>barely any social interaction, avoid it whenever possible
>student at a vocational school, studying subject that I dislike
>constantly overwhelmed and stressed out by the course work
>always tired in class, yawning and heavy eyelids
>spend half of the day trying not to cry
>no chance of getting a job even if I wanted one
>probably anxiety and depression problems
>keep thinking about suicide every day
>extremely negative, no self-worth or respect for other people
>skinny and unattractive
All I have to look forward to is a shitty 9-5 minimum wage job.
I hate being out during the day and I hate working with others.
I don't even care about money.
Well I bought Dragon's Dogma and played for 100 hours but it was so fucking terrible.
I was just killing time and trying to justify the purchase.
I like stupid images like this one. Dunno why I enjoy stupid imageboard stuff like this.
Toradora is a decent show. I'm watching that again even though it makes me cringe constantly.
These things are hardly worth living for though.
Yeah it's 30. I don't care about magic anyway.
Wizchan is such a shithole.
Just a little anecdote. Robots tend to have a very negative outlook. I did too. I hated life. I was always outgoing, but everything I ever said was taken badly. Anyway, a few years ago I changed schools and ended up friends with this Stacey (who has since died, R.I.P) she found it interesting that I went to art galleries on my own, talked to random people etc etc because I don't give a fuck. She actually used to love me for it. She convinced me to cut my long hair and we used to go on picnics where she'd bring weed and get me high and she'd rant about Chad.
Anyway, fast forward, I'm friends with everyone, happy, likeable and a Chad. Mainly thanks to her. It was like an adventure for me. Tour de normie. Even got a gf. But eventually it got boring. I got repulsed by their vanity. I missed my more relaxed lifestyle. And when she died, well that was the last straw. I went back to my old lifestyle, I dumped my gf and went back to the art galleries, I still talk to randoms (I'm not that seedy guy who walks up to girls I mean I talk to everyone - even old people). The only thing that changed was I met an autistic model weeb who's my fuckbuddy.
Everyone thinks the grass is greener on the other side but it's not, it's just different. I hope my story will help change your perspective.
When I was 21, I managed to lose my khhv status and got a gf and even made a couple friends. If I hadn't had a mental breakdown and lost everything, I might've made it.
Keep trying, OP.
You don't seem to understand either.
>got a gf
>made a couple friends.
This is almost completely meaningless to me.
Why is this a good thing?
Even if I desired it, why would it ever happen to me?
>20 year old male virgin
Oh, how do you live with the shame?
Surely an anomaly such as yourself has no hope!
lol, drop the special little victim act.
There are people here who are 35+ and alone, who didn't further their education and are way more fucked than yourself.
Seriously, you're a kid at this point. You have the time and the resources to fix your shit.
Also, don't go to a therapist.
You pay 100 dollars for them to listen to you bitch for an hour and then tell you what you could have learned from a book or the internet, or better yet, a counselor. Surely your school has a service like that.
It doesn't matter what I want.
As long as I don't have the courage to kill myself, I'm going to be a slave no matter what I do.
Being a virgin is the least of my worries.
I really wish you could understand.
>drop the special little victim act.
>Also, don't go to a therapist.
I don't know about that, anon. For me, saying some of my thoughts out loud to someone else made me a lot more self aware. I spend so much alone that I think my extremely negative thoughts are normal when if anyone else said them, I'd think they were crazy..
I did feel somewhat frustrated, though. I wanted my therapist to tell me what I needed to do to fix myself but they mostly just listen to you.
Life is a series of small hopes leading up to a big fall. Every step forward you take is a prelude to you falling on your ass. You'll never get what you want and no matter how hard you try you'll never be anyone to anything. Sorry anon thems the breaks
The game is a broken, unfinished mess.
I have no idea why people suck it's dick so much.
I see people who've accomplished so much and yet they are extraordinarily unimpressive.
I don't respect them and it gives me no motivation to try hard at anything.
Is it enough for them to do it all for themselves?
The people you think accomplished things? It doesn't matter in the long run. And fuck, odds are all their hard work will be undone sooner or later. For the record I agree with you. No point in trying anything since you will never get what you want
I'm just in such a terrible place right now.
I need a new outlook or it's just misery for the rest of my life.
As I already said, it has to be this way because I'm too cowardly for suicide.
How often do you actually do things that don't involve being in your own home? Personally, the best times I've had were being out in nature away from everything and everyone, the peace of nature is my personal fav
I suggest going out to a remote area, beaches aren't my scene either way. But really you just need to find something you like to do and explore it. I love solitary nature, like the secluded forests, or the mountains in Colorado, anything where I can be truly alone and reflect upon everything that happens in the world.
I hate people, I do deal with people but I don't like it. You rarely find someone special, clever, they are all normies trying to stick to the usual rules and being cliche af in everything they do.
But I don't feel like my life is over because of that, I can't find many people with my interests
>In fact I still haven't found no one to the day, 20yo
Still I enjoy learning stuff, exploring, ... And even thought I hate people as a misanthropist, I don't mind having a casual conversation with some random dude.
Why would you want do end up your life ?
Based on what you've said, I feel like your giving others to much importance and forgetting the rest of life
Don't you have any art you appreciate, any culture, domain of knowledge ?
I personally enjoy psychology, theology and philosophy and I do my best to improve myself in these domains. But I also love comics, mangas, series, music,
Your life is so pointless, op ? Don't you have at least a lil' thing to grip on ?
I don't want to do anything or go anywhere.
I'm ashamed of the things I like.
Sometimes I'm not even sure if I like them. Like maybe it's just a lie.
I own a cat. I get angry at him a lot but he's alright.
That's really the only purpose my life has though, looking after him I mean.
Wow, it is not really but rather.. blank.
I could go on for hours about why you should check out this or that, but I could totally imagine why you don't feel like living. Find a purpose, it's not that surrealist to say that you're free to do anything you want to in this world. You might not find it just like that, but be curious, look for stuff. Don't be ashamed of your liking if this is something close to your heart.
Not going to tell what you should look for, but look for that thing in your past ?
I love psychology because I was emotionally abused by my mother, because I couldn't make a lot of friends when I was younger and I wanted to be socially active, more like socially intuitive, the kind of guy who could understand everything (influenced by sherlock holmes when I was 11/12)
I think you could so that same retro inspection for your own life, and decide to start following the path you will choose.
This sounds ridiculous and to much of dream but I believe everything I've said, and i'm not even that kinda positive.
I appreciate it but I don't really have time or energy for it.
I'm constantly in a state of hopelessness due to this horrible course and there's the looming burden of 40+ years of wageslavery on the horizon.
Turns out I may also have an enlarged prostate.
I think I'm just going to order the helium tank.
Thanks anyway guys.
Yup. I know that struggle. We're all doomed in this era, this is basically an heritage, you can be born rich and with the right to fail your studies/work and do whatever pleases you or you are born with the "right" to work, modern slavery, capitalism and shit.
But it shouldn't stop you, I like to drown myself in my work, my interests to avoid thinking about my situation. Blaise Pascal calls that "Diversion" from thinking about the misery of our lives. But anyway, there is nothing stopping you from changing to whatever you want to be.
Can you study ? Can you take some time to do whatever you want to do every day ?
Find your essence, anon. It's not a remedy, nothing could erase this emptiness as if it never existed but I assure you it will change your perception of life.
Doesn't have to be really deep, you could just work out everyday, setting a goal for every month, or just visit your family with good intentions, it's not about the activity, it's about making your mind about a life you would enjoy.
It's common knowledge that life isn't worth living, anon, but you don't have a reason to die either.
Just sit through it with the rest of us so we can either move to the void or be reincarnated or go to heaven.
OP, go to the gym, start reading some books, start studying something that you are passionate about, learn how to play an instrument, cook dinner for your parents, take care of your pets, ask a random girl out, learn how to draw, ride your bike in the park. Ok that's all I got. Good luck bro, you can get better if you keep trying. Never give up. I have autism and I'm still fighting it because I know if I don't, I might as well lay down on the fucking highway and pray for a quick death.
Try all that you can before you kill myself. I'm giving myself two months to see some change. If it it fails, kill yourself. I'm going to kill myself at the light rail tracks if my life still seems bleak. I want to die with no doubts about my decision.
Oh and I am also writing a book. I have been writing short stories since 2014, and I was an avid reader long before that, so if there's one thing I know how to do, it's write. That's what keeps me going. One day I will publish a book or a series of books and I will live off the proceeds until I die. That may sound delusional but it's my dream and I intend to follow through on it. Practice makes perfect. It's a cliche but it's true, also. You do something long enough and eventually it will pay off. Do not doubt that.
19, 20 this year, same position as you anon. Though my life sucks even more since i live with a controlling bitch mother that wont let me travel or play vidya until i move out
>mfw a minimum wage job wont even earn me enough to pay rent where i live
>mfw no father or extended family to house me away from this bitch
I cant help you but at least you have freedom