You have 3 wishes. What do you want?

The launch codes for the American and Russian nuclear arsenals
The buttons to initiate them
If the first one doesn't count as two wishes, I'll set you free

I wish for a wish and I wish for that wish to be for a wish and for that wish's wish to also be for a wish and for all subsequent wishes to be a wish for another wish to replace it

The cycle will repeat infinitely until reality breaks

Money
Power
Women

>live for 150 years
>have a perfectly healthy and attractive body
>1 billion euros

money
power
gf

>>26363654
My wishes are:
> Shitloads of money
> The ability to control time
> personality of a normalfag

For all my mental illnesses and records of me having them to be gone
For a talent at something
For the djini to be free

Parents
good job
nice future

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>>26363654
>wish for 10 mil upon my household
>wish for my existence to be erased, and all memories of it
>wish for genie free

>>26363654
Kebabs gone from europe. Everything else is extra.

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>1: All the hotdogs.
>2: The ability to planeswalk.
>3: A personally tailored pocket dimension.

-Kill all muslims
-Nuke Africa thrice
-Jail all gypsies and take them to the zoo

Money
The ability to snap my fingers and have whatever food I want in front of me
The ability to talk to animals

1st for the genie to grant the wish how i interpreted and wanted it
2nd is the ability to grant wishes by myself
and 3rd wish is just back up

>>26363732
>get all the dogs with fever in the world
>you will recieve the ability to walk on planes, same as every other human can
>dimension will be a single singularity that your brain won't be able to even comprehend, much actually grab in hand and do something with

>>26363710
>get some random black parents
>rest two are arbitary and subjective so you would get shitty job and shit future

>>26363713
>get 10 milion ping pong balls inside your house
>granted
>outside the rules

>>26363699
>get all charasteristics erased, become a plain souless human being with no emotions
>talent at eating shit
>outside the rules

Just omnipotence and then I'll be fine on my own.

Beauty
Luck
Money

>>26363779
>get some random black parents
But will father stay?

>rest two are arbitary and subjective so you would get shitty job and shit future

So no change. What a waste.

>>26363654
Money
power
loving qt gf

>>26363754
>get a shotgun in the hands with words "you can do it"
>nuke explodes deep beneath the continent, causing minor earthquakes now and there
>gypsy life standards improve in the prison and their knowledge base improves by getting to know more about their species

>>26363756
>get 2 cents
>you get whatever food you want every time you break two of your fingers
>animals understand you, but can't talk back, nor do they care about you

>>26363767
>okay
>you are bound to the same laws as genie, imprisoned in a lamp and forced to serve whoever is holding it
>maybe you can save yourself though

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>>26363779
>get 10 milion ping pong balls inside your house
Hmph, what a shame.
Can't say I didn't try, fuck them anyway.

>>26363833
no man did you not see my first wish, it has to be interepted how i envisioned it

>death to all normies
>universe transformed into anime
>god powers

>>26363865
10 million ping pong is still like half a million dollars if you sell them

>>26363791
>you will suffer complete mental breakdown and your brain will collapse

>>26363799
>beautiful for tapeworm standards
>you are already lucky enough to be born in 1%
>you get 2 cents

>>26363831
>2 cents
>power over the bacteria inside your rectum
>gf is niggress

- 10th+ dimensional omnipotence
- An indestructible, omniscient magic 8ball that will answer any of my own questions with perfect accuracy
- The genie is freed as a powerless human

>>26363895
>gf is niggress
He said qt. So she can't be a nigress.

>>26363867
doesn't matter, only beings that grant wishes are genies and by wishing to grant wishes, only solution how to not break the rules is to turn you into one of them. Either that or nothing would happen because "give me infinite wishes"/"give me magic wand that grants wishes" kind of wish is outside the rules.

>>26363654
Longer head hair (am guy, but look like shit with short hair)

Money. Lots of it.

To die at 37.

>captcha to be removed from /r9k/
>all normies who post on /r9k/ will die a painful death
>the ability to know if a comment is original or not without clicking post

>>26363895
>beautiful for tapeworm standards
tapeworms dont have standards
>you are already lucky enough to be born in 1%
what? what's 1%?

come on, try a bit harder, stupid genie

>>26363921
>tfw can grow long 80s rockstar hair but it's so thin you rather just shave your head

>>26363918
m8 what?
you're not being tricky you're just being a strawman

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I wish Chiruchiru was real.
I wish Chiruchiru will always be happy.
I wish Chiruchiru will have the perfect life.

>>26363880
>90% of society dies and you along with rest of "robots" die out on starvation few days later
>your 3d self is squished into 2d, meaning you cannot percieve anything and are basically dead
>your sane mind collapses from comprehending the universe

>>26363902
>your head explodes from the inability to accept all the data
>8ball answers in ancient Sumerian
>the human is batshit insane rambo that immediatelly beats you up

>>26363921
>your hair will instantly grow but its too thin to look good on you and every time you cut it it grows back over night
>you get billion Iranian Rials (about five bucks)
>you die at 37th minute of the next hour

I want my penis to be 8x6
I want to be 6'2'
90% chance of winning anything, including lotteries, dice rolls, etc.

Absolute power
Genius IQ
For both of these wishes to be interpreted how I intended them to be.
If you try and spin this any other way after the disclaimer you're just admitting you've lost because you have no other alternative but to ignore the disclaimer.

>>26363654
723 million dollars
ability to speak any language well
perfectly healthy body

>>26364021
if they're granted right after you say each one u gotta say the last one first.

This genie fucking sucks so here are my wishes:
1. Genie will feel the combined pain that all living things have felt since the beginning of the universe.
2. Genie will admit it sucks.
3. Genie will kill itself.

>>26363925
>system where you have to solve ultimately hard question every time you wanna post is introduced
>/r9k/ becomes a dead board
>you will know that none of the comments are ever original

>>26363967
>she is real, in the world of anime

>>26364010
>your penis is now almost square shaped
>you will get streched, but your spinal joints will no longer touch each other and you will have to spend rest of your life in a wheelchair to not die
>your luck will become legendary, and you will be pressed by society and pretty girls to do something stupidly dangerous, in which you will hit the 10% and die.

>>26363654
1) ability to travel to any spot in the past, the present and the future
2) shape-shifting and all that it entails(shifting to a younger body would lower my biological age thus making me "immortal" this even heals wounds, cancer, exhaustion etc)
3) ability to fully understand literally anything I put my mind to(arts, software, science, manual labour, drive any vehicle etc)

I wish for the genie to have at least average intelligence. Amen

>>26364032
>granted, but your sudden increase in wealth will attract all your family and aquintances and later the interest of police and you will get arrested for suspection of illegal business
>you speak it well but can't understand a word
>get the perfect healthy dog body

>>26364021
I would shake this off as outside the rules but i like the challenge
>unable to control newly gained power you destroy whole Earth in a moments flash and when you try to bring it back, you can never recreate it nearly good enough from your memory
>your high iq allows you to understand every rule of the universe, but whenever you think about them with your absolute power, you change a few of them
>they are interpreted accurately, only thing thats wrong is how you yourself use those wishes (thats the best i can say without knowing what is your actual interpretation)

1 A magic box that will always have exactly enough money to pay my debts

2 fix my brain problems please. I don't know what it's like but I'd like to live life without these delusions of persecution

3 be free genie

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>>26363654

First wish would have to be the destruction and end in the most finite meaning of the word of everything in every form of existence and non-existence instantaneously. A conclusion, a halting of all that is or ever could have been. Done, gone, erased. I'll spend my last moment getting warm tingles all through my body, goosbumps and smile feeling the truest form of happiness that ever was.

Call me what you will. Edgy, edgelord, give me it all because trust me I've heard it all and far far worse. Not a teen, not struggling with petty bullshit. You won't find a truer definition of wizard/pariah than what I am and that one dream/wish has not and will never fade in my mind.

>>26364003
>you die at 37th minute of the next hour

I am okay with this.

>>26364053
Where was that rule stated?

>>26364091
>throughout all the pain of all living beings, the genie has reached a nirvana of peace
>genie because a being ascended above all earthly genders and is okay with sucking
>old genie's self died, but a new, ascended one has risen

>>26364110
>you gain the ability to take a bus to any place 1 second in the past, present or 1 second in the future
>when you try to shapeshift into an animal, your brain will deteriorate and you will forget all your human memories and live the rest of the life as the animal
>you understand everything you see, never gaining peace in mind, always having it filled with billions and billions of little details about every little thing that crosses your mind

>>26364121
Already granted

>Money
>+5 inches height
>go back in time 5 years

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>wish to be a famous musician
>wish to have shape shifting abilities to dictate what occurs inside and outside my body (eg: eradicate illness or alter appearance and age)
>wish to have the ability to dictate the actions and thought patterns of others.

>>26363654
well that's pretty goddamn easy
combine all three wishes into a ultra strong one and use it to transcend humanity to become god or achieve immortality

>>26363654
>The abilities from the film Jumper
>A qt gf who will love me and be loyal
>set the genie free

more wishes
more genies
a qt gf

>>26364317
>1990's Daniel Johns
hey man, australian teen from the 90's?

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>>26364237
you should just kill yourself, everything ceases to exist when you die, as your perception of what happens around you dies with you. same outcome with less causalities, and you dont need a wish, you can just shoot yourself.

Before I present my wishes, please allow my lawyer to review the phrasing and contents.*

*This is not a wish and does not fall under the constraints of wishes or other magic-based requests.

>>26364227
>you can't open the box
>you became a plain human being with no emotions or charasteristics whatsoever
>outside the rules

>>26364237
>you become a time outside of time, living in one moment that is eternity, watching all the existence be built and crumble in the very same nanosecond
>you will realize humans are happy living in this one tiny moment in the endless voids of eternity
>you will realize how sad you are to live alone in the void

>>26364295
>5 cents
>you will grow a horn
>you can go back, but you remain your current self, without any chance to intervene with your past self, as that would disrupt the future and your encounter with the genie

Qt husband
Dream house in French countryside
Happiness

Pretty boring, I don't think the tricky genie can fuck it up

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>>26364367
yeah mate, I still dont mind Diorama and Young Modern tbqh, not one of those who only likes their "grunge" stuff. Underrated band.

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1. The complete removal of emotional suffering and mental illness for all humans. But what would life be without love and loss? And those are only two emotions.

2. The complete removal of physical suffering and illness for all humans. Suffering breeds action, it can build character or strength? Would we be here without them?

3. You're freedom.

Too bad those things would have consequences of their own.

>>26364398
When i was in High school, it was really lame to like Silverchair because they were thought of as a band for teenyboppers. I always enjoyed them though. I saw them at homebush with Everclear when I was probably 15. I'm the opposite to you, I'm pretty passe on their later stuff, but frogstomp is a fucking good rock album, particularly for 15 year old boys.

>>26364434
btw I'm a shitty human, I'd of course be included in this. Not in any way altruistic. In a way for wanting the removal of those things I am very selfish.

>>26364317
>you will get famous as one of the retard fuck ups in singing contest, when you farted super loud while trying to sing beethovens symphony
>one sneaky thought about how would it be if your heart stopped will kill you in an instant
>you will turn all your family and close friends into mindless zombies

>>26364326
see 2nd link at >>26364391

>>26364352
>granted
>gf is unable to work, bring money, cook, clean, do any housework, and is impotent
>outside the rules

>>26364364
>outside the rules
>outside the rules
>gf is unable to work, bring money, cook, clean, do any housework, and is impotent

I don't like repeating myself, but you guys keep making similar wishes and i'm running out of ideas

>>26364450
Yeah I hate that meme, I enjoy their music despite who was attracted to listening to them. Lots of good bands have embarrassing fan bases. Will always rate.

>>26364397
>husband is asexual manlet and dicklet
>house is literally a dream, so its non-existent
>you will become batshit insane

Just wanted to ruin one last persons dreams and hopes.
The tricky genie is off to ruin another thread of wishful thinking.

peace on earth between mankind for eternity
my family to have no ailments now and for the rest of their lives
for me to live 100 years longer that other humans in perfect health and lifestyle

>>26363654
I want a woman that will love me forever for who i am. I dont want a stunner just an average woman who has a few similar interests

>>26363654
1. Two dicks
2.three dicks
3. The ability to fly using my 3 dicks

i wish everyone's wishes in this thread excluding mine never happen >:3

>>26364655

Wouldn't you have five/six dicks total then?

0/1 + 2 + 3

Your other auxiliary dicks would get in the way of your dickcopter.

>>26364761
No they wouldn't add the 2 and the 3 just add a single dick and to fly I would need a rotary system but I think magic could wing it

first wish: wishes are exactly how i envisioned it and there are no ironic backfires or unintended consequences
second wish: live as finn from adventure time
third wish: live forever (deadpool-regeneration style) but always have the ability to die on my own command

>>26364372

Posting an image of a guy and girl kissing as an attempt to trigger me based on your assumption that my strife has anything to do with something so petty. Then again the term robot is just a tumblr meme and this board is full of good charlotte fans.

I wouldn't and couldn't ever kill myself. I'm far to valuable. The whole point of the wish is to cease all that is, not to destroy the only perfection while leaving the abomination to fester.

>>26364237
>>26364391

Genie you have reading comprehension issues.

1) facial hair
2) bigger dick
3) 10 million dollars

Job which i will enjoy
Bf/gf
Free time that i could spend on drawing and painting

I think the threads where everything you wish has a ironic twist are a lot more funny.

Inmortality
Infinite money
Complete extermination of Muslims and sjw

>be incredibly smart at all fields, maths, physics, chemistry, art, literature, social skills, etc.
>have a nice aesthetic face (flawless skin, hot, etc)
>be overall happy. But still having the ability to feel sad once in a while.

>>26363654
kill all normies except mummy and daddy and whoever is needed to keep them happy (except don't spare chad brother)
infinite tendies
world peace

>>26363654
>Wish one-I wish I unexisted
that's it really

I wish for the power to fulfill my own wishes.
I wish for you to be unable to harm me.
I wish for you to be free.

Money, power and good health

Fuck the women

>>26365186
>immortality
>infinite monkey and
You do realize that you will outlive humanity and money will have no value.
Instead wish for the ability to materialise anything.

>>26363654
1. Able to use all the stands in JJBA
2. Able to perform all Jutsus from Naruto
3. Have all devil fruits from One Piece
Weeaboo Overdrive

>>26363654

1) Appear to everyone else in the world and tell them they have three wishes.
2) Kick anyone who says "infinite wishes lelele xDD" right in the balls.
3) I don't need a third wish.

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>>26363654
>To make planet Earth peaceful
>To become skinny
>To get a woman that loves me and I love her
i dont even give a shit about money as much

>three billion dollars in my bank account
>make the authorities not question where I got 3 billion dollars from
>make me be attractive until I die
These three basically

>>26363654
3 more wishes :^)

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To reforge the universe and become the manifestation of hope.

>be 6'4
>INSANELY wealthy
>the ability to control time any way i'd want

>>26363695
>> The ability to control time
>>26364317
>>wish to have the ability to dictate the actions and thought patterns of others.
Nice stands

>>26367663

>can wish for any amount of wealth
>using second wish to make this wealth completely free from suspicion
>choose a relatively low number

Come on son, the fuck are you gonna do with three billion? You could wish for 50 trillion and it wouldn't make a difference after your first wish. Don't you want to be able to buy and sell entire nations?

Larger dick
Less acne
Loadsa money

>>26363687
If you just wish for money you'll get the other two anyway.

for all my wishes to be granted like I intend them including this one

physics-breaking shapeshifting that allows me to generate mass out of nothing, create impossible materials, divide myself in several parts, have a non-physical consciousness and turn into/create something where I have no idea of the underlying physical structure, like a computer, and all this with ease and instinctively

legendary artistic mastery of all current and future forms of art

infinite wishes

barring that, infinite genies

I want to win the lottery
I want a qt3.14 gf that does drugs with me
a spaceship

The willpower to finally kill myself
Succeed in killing myself
Free genie

deeper and more unique voice

valid and constant opportunities to carry out over the top violence, including but not limited to murder, freely so as to prove that I'm not an inexperienced, privileged pussy

FAR more traumatic past, present and future for the same reason as last wish, including extreme bodily and mental harm systematically done to me by another, countless murders done by my hand (I've estimated that preferably over 100, maybe 200 individual murders need to be done by me alone with at least 10-20 of them taking place within the span of one hour), etc.

I've been wishing for every single one of these since I was about 10.
No, I won't shoot up a school or ann hiro. Or, I don't really discount the an hero part since it might just have to happen if this stuff doesn't happen to me soon. I want the murders to happen because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. People will just call me a coward and say it wasn't that bad if I imposed the situation upon myself.
I work at an abattoir as a slaughterer, and have been since 18 to try and make up for the things I haven't had to go through, although I really wish I could have been doing so years before that, but they don't allow minors to be employed there.
kek at the sheer motivational difference between the first wish and the rest of them
double kek at these dubs I'm gonna get and the fact that I wrote an entire blog post. Just trying to provide detail and insight so that the genie doesn't think I'm meming

>I wish that I were born as a girl
>I wish that I didn't have asperger's syndrome
>I wish that my parents made me do stuff when I was a kid instead of letting me sit in my room playing violent video games and watching Al-Qaeda execution videos