>mfw people told me I was experiencing the best days of my life throughout compulsory school and in college >mfw those days were horrible >mfw adult life is even worse >mfw absolutely nothing is better about my life whatsoever
Your IQ decreases with age, and with it, creativity, sense of humour, and that elusive sense of life' immediacy.
All you're left with is the sense of less of the above and realization that the only other thing you might have by now would be competence and relationships, neither of which you had the reason to secure.
the fact that i will never be a cute high school girl who gets to flaunt her nerdy interests and dye her hair bright colours and wear shirts that show my belly button and pants that probably shouldnt be able to be considered pants makes me want to kill myself
>>26354622 yeah but being dumber makes you care less about things and have more confidence, I enjoy that as I age.
As for OP and all you idiots who think your going to get away with hunting young teens, yeah good luck with that, there will be hundreds of people trying to kill you or put you in jail, im not joking I have seen it happen, the cops will sometimes hang around schools just to wait for the older dudes that come and hang at the school, they wait for them to get back in their car and drive away and the cops pay them a little visist, I remember a teacher that would keep tabs for the cops.
>>26355171 I don't want to be dumbed down - it won';t work for me like that because even made 8th grade dropout tier stupid, the unhappy will still be there and at best poorly masked, and I'll have lost even *MORE* of myself.... :x
>>26355171 Why are cops hanging around universities?
>>26355230 Meh. I'm not *THAT* low. I don't even like going to 18 but I wouldn't rule them out just because maybe they'd hurt me less and everyone is perma boyfriended or married by around 23 unless they';re already divorced or white trash/single mom tier/fuggo tier waiting for marriage/jesus shit. UGH.
Meh truth be told I'm emotionally/mentally regressing every time I'm confronted with punishment/stereotypical mature people like yourself so I just hid from my fellow oldfags like you *sigh* Because I haven't been able to endure myself since I was 23 or 24, now occasionally I'd get a lift from some false hope but now? Well fuck.... I don't even know, and I have no sexual/emotional attraction to women my own age at all. Not to kids mind you....
but even if I were well adjusted on the surface my autisms/inner immature comes out and BLAMMO. the "shallow" vs "deep" bs just turns me into a ravening brat. (I'm not that other guy who literally wants to perv high schools btw - ew - even though the seniors should be fair game - since they literally can sexually humiliate ME for being beta and you know they;'re doing that chad jock motherfucker anyway :( )_
>>26355403 I did. I was a smoker and wasn't successfully able to quit until 25 (failed twice in the two years preceding) I majored in political science, which is worthless since I didn't get the grades for law school cus algebra/my advisor pretty much made certain my gpa was trashed. I missed grad school in business at a better tier school instead of a shit tier aacsb accredited school by 40 damn gmat points :( I didn't realize chad tier aesthetics were a thing/wasn't self aware enough that personality wasn't everything and of nice guy syndrome until well after 26 :( by then... it was already too late.... UGH.
Now I'm sitting here in my 30s... two pieces of paper gathering dust, always second best/B student/not quite good enough/doin it wrong at eerything because we're all expected to be stem majors or trades.....
tfw: iq two standard devs removed from the aggregate of your family line on both sides (they literally peak at 90 IQ - even running at 50% brainpower I still will land 120....) and have nothing going for me in life but death and don't want to die. :(
Like what did I do? I didn't drink heavy at all, quit the only mistake I'd made from my late teens, tried to work out with bodyweight exercises and running (badly) - and always walked everywhere i went anyway for more exercise...
>>26355719 I struggled to get a low B in intro accounting and screamed and cursed like a sailor and turned into worse than insane/sperglord.
and accountancy is anal rape - ever read about that porn star who was a big 4 accountant
besides finance was more intuitive language/sense wise but took me even longer to learn/remember and I always seemed to slip behind because I just couldn't learn it fast enough in a semester.....
in accounting well i had to nogger rig shit to try to translate to my brain's english then back to accountingese....
and yeah I mean sure I clock in at 16.5% body fat now, 173 on a super fat day but chronic fatigue/dysautonomia are not something you can even get a true diag with, let alone fight.
and fuck psychiatry. age me slower, not faster, make me smarter not dumber, make my dick work better, not shittier, don't you dare accelerate balding and skin aging. fuck psychiatry.
anyway aside from the damn well debilitating lack of rest I'm okay, I could fight it (and did down to 3-4 days a week full body workouts an hour a day etc ) BUT ... 2 years back something started happening in my sleep
no thyroid issues, adrenals are normal, albeit bare4ly - I had a 6 ng/dl cortisol level when I get "white glove syndrome" just because it was evening? if that was my MORNING level (but my body has NO morning/circadian rhythm....)
maybe i have acute rather than chronic sleep apnea and my brain wakes me out of certain sleep types? I don't know...
come to think of it =- I lack creative utterlym, and LSD/shrooms are illegal and scary anyway.... but I also suck with QUANTITATIVE bs.
i'm a poet rather than quant :( *sigh*
of course give all the good poet type jobs to chads... your lawyerin, politicianing, all those other types, or even shit like social media management where you actually hide3 behind a computer screen anyway! UGH.....
>>26356077 I've tried There's no legit entry level - it's all dead end/sales/tech support/call centers/fast food/retail.
*one hundred fucking percent are dead ends* :(
Meanwhile associate level jobs? 5 years of RELEVANT HIGHLY SPECIALIZED EXPERIENCE IS THE MINIMUM!
AND THE DEGREE! (often I have to hope business admin or political science are related....) etc.
And lifting didn't work for me, and now I can't
unless you're curing how my body interprets effort. My heart IS fine right now but won't be for long when it has to beat faster to put out a lower blood pressure - but structurally speaking, if I take like ephedrine, or modafinil, my bp goes normal, and the pulse may or may NOT lower.
but with exercise it's guaranteed to be higher automatically, and anything that has me standing long periods of time, or upside down, etc.... fucks with shit.
also after 5+ years of more than just bodyweight lifts? capped at 14% bodyfat
i had to give up TOO MUCH for too LITTLE in return, effortwise, willpower wise, time wise, all of it - like I couldn't even hold a real person job and do all that extra stuff, too burned out from an 8 hour day :x how the hell do people manage? :(
but yeah I did the lifting thing and was told "doin it wrong" lulz or "not clean enough bruh" or "not enough raw cals bruH" or "more oats and squats bruh"
Dude I couldn't make it past 90 in a smith or the BAR out of one (then again orthostatic intolerance will do that along with dyspraxia.... form is a bitch)
Anyway, sorry, "rambling:" really did try, and hard, but I'm currently SPENT - and hoping an underlying sleep disorder (maybe apnea even though I'm thin) explains it.
>>26356077 Apparently I don't look my age (i always had fine hair and a widows peak hairline but bald/buzzed is NOT a look I can do at all so IDEK fucking fine ass blond hair ugh) and stalled stuff well enough but - I just can't keep up that pace without a little "outside help" hah.
speaking of junk, I'm getting pizza because I'm absolutely famished, it's quick and we have no groceries (and I'm exhausted) and frankly I'll be under 2000 calories in the past 24 hours no matter WHAT I eat.
>>26356791 I literally *Can't* "open mind" anymore than she can "open boobs"
to put it another way fat girls don't get/keep my dick hard old women make me meh and think exactly on a.) what they looked like at 20 and b.) who she was fucking/sucking/in love with then.
but that might not be what you mean.....to be fair I'd be a lot better off if I had support structures irl/access to non therapy group/beta level support - but, I don't
alphas won't betray their own kind/social/sexual norms, naturally, even to a tryhard/failhard. they're too busy going tough love/man up/full drill sergeant on me - and that just doesn't work with me, you know?
I am "shallow" deepness is something I can't even PROCESS. I literally can';t tangibly *get* it.
i've basically been in the same place i was since i was 18. no, i didn't get better, most of it's my fault, but some things were out of my hands.
i'm too ugly and pathetic to get a gf, but, at my age all i'd be able to get anyway are a bunch of single mothers and fat ugly whores. no thanks. most of the actual good ones are wifed up/in long term relationships by the age of 25.
so no, it's all shit. nothing gets better, it always gets worse.
>>26356962 >Literally the essence of life itself. >Corporate media and oversexualized advertising has made me actually believe I can not achieve fulfillment in life in any capacity unless I am mashing my genitals into someone elses orifice.
>Wake up at 5 AM to empty apartment. >Workout because it keeps me nearly sane. >Get on bus at 7 AM >Get to work at 9 AM (Jew York City) >Work until 5 >Home by 615 >Sit alone and watch TV until I pass out at around 11 (should be asleep now) >Have a lot of money just laying around >Most of my friends moved away, have wives/gfs and don't spend any time with me, even if I call. >No parents alive
I pretty much live in solitude. Even at work, nobody is really friends with anyone.
I think about killing myself but people tell me "I'm so lucky!"
I have everything but basic needs.
As you age, people start to leave you, so it's no wonder why people feel so hard-pressed to get a girlfriend or significant other.
>>26354307 No, life becomes like a buying a lottery ticket hoping things will turn around but never do, do your family a favor and take care of your preneeds now and join the rest of us while we wait for WW3
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