/cripplingdepression/ general

>>26331963

killing myself in a few hours

>>26331968
Good luck, be stronger than us

>>26331968
Why anon? Whats brought it to this?

Really not looking forward to work tomorrow. Everybody always wants to know if you watched "the big game" and they just magically don't hear you telling the fifty other people who asked that, no, you didn't. Maybe I'll just fake diarrhea and stay home.

>>26332053
Its not worth watching
Some of it was interesting but most was incredibly boring even for football
-
Also reminder we have an IRC channel if anyone wants on, Rizon #CDG

>>26332095
I just don't like watching sports. That's it. But everyone acts like it's a cardinal fucking sin that I don't watch it.
>Hey Anon did you watch the big game?
>No
>Well why not?
>I don't like football
>But football's great! Why don't you like it?
>Because I find it boring
>[various noises of disbelief]
It's like these people just can't grasp that I don't like what they like. I don't fucking walk up to them and start badgering them about not watching the new episode of an anime I like.

>>26332136
I guess i've been lucky, noone ever asks me if i watched tthe superbowl and if it ever comes up they don't react like that.

>>26331963
better than usual! i love football and big spectacles in general, so super bowl sunday is always a comfy occasion for me.
unfortunately i don't really know anyone who's into football as much as i am and i'm too autistic to have a proper conversation about it anyway

>>26332208
Hey glad you enjoy it, I suppose you could discuss itt somewhere online, people love talking about sports online.

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>>26332175
I've worked for the same company for five years and every time there's a "big game" I get asked. I haven't watched a "big game" the entire time I've been there but everyone keeps asking. I honestly hate it even more than going to work on, or the day after, Valentine's Day.

Dr Pepper has run out and it's too late to go to the store.

>>26332250
Could you take off then?

>>26332266
No like, gas station around yoyu?

>>26331963

All I can think about is how I'm going to make it another 5 or 10 years without killing myself. Everyone tells me it's going to get better, but when? How?

>>26332294
i don't come on /r9k/ often anymore, maybe like once in a month but i just want to say that you're the nicest trip i've ever met anon

keep doing what you're doin

I've had terrible diarrhea all night. I can't sleep. Someone please kill me

>>26332294
Not within walking distance.

Fuck, I'm thirsty.

>>26332305
Itt can get better, but you have to actively work for it. although for some itt just gets better due to changing brain structure or whatever its fucked up

>>26332341
Hey, thanks anon, I appreciate it

>>26332355
:< hope you feel better

>>26332372
Can you like, order a pizza and drink from like a pizza place?

>>26332294
I'm just going to take tomorrow off, yeah. Just to avoid the questions about "the big game".

>>26332453
Gotcha. Well I hope you have a relaxing day tomorrow

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anyone not depressed but just want to kiil them self. this feeling gets worse as the day progresses then seems to reset each morning so ill probably never do it. i think that having the option is stopping me from doing it but also stops me from trying to accomplish anything

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Sleep is all fucked up again. Gonna try power through the day and sleep at 10pm.
This fucking sucks

>>26332305
>Everyone tells me it's going to get better, but when? How?
Well first you have to define "it". What is "it"? Your life? What specific aspect? List areas/qualities of your life that bring you down and write them on paper/type a document.

The next step is imperative; to dissociate yourself from your problems, think about that list of quandries as someone else's dirty laundry. People are much more apt to solve other people's problems than their own.

>woke up
>cleaned my room, dusted, vacuumed
>fairly productive so i could watch anime tonight
>start thinking about ex gf and valentine's day at dinner
>our anniversary would be two days before it
>thinking about what she'll be doing and how much i miss her
>all interest in everything is destroyed
>this is my second of three days off in a row and I'm now going to spend it laying in bed browsing /r9k/ instead of doing what i wanted to earlier because of the fucking hole she left in my heart
Another great day being alive.

>>26332136
Its more of a social experience, retard

>>26331963
>not living for NASCAR season

/turnleft/ threads are gonna be lit, family

>>26332589
Sitting in a room with a bunch of loud, drunk asshats yelling at a video of overweight black men groping each other is "a social experience"? It sounds like a gay orgy to me.

>>26332539
Damn, how'd that happen

>>26332526
That's pretty not normal anon, especially if you aren't depressed

>>26332571
:( I'm sorry to hear that anon. That's rough. When did you split?

I've been doing a little better. The reason is that one of my sister's said something nice to me. Maybe it was because I came off as depressed. Still, it was nice to have her say it.

My life is still empty though. I just have my parents and the internet. I never even see my sister. And if I did, it wouldn't go well. She has a dog. I'm not good with dogs. Nor am I good with people. So I'm eternally alone. I'm so used to it that there is an almost an acceptance of it. But I still lack something to replace that void.

>>26332624
Nope, lots of hot women pretend to watch too

>>26332664
Good for them, but I'm not a woman. I'd rather do something I actually enjoy.

>>26332634
A year and a half ago, two years in April I believe. Or May. It's hard to remember for sure, it's been kind of a blur. My grandfather died the same day, I got home from trying to convince her to stay and saw on Facebook what'd happened. My Mom came home from his bedside and told me herself an hour or so later. I feel bad for not remembering which month it was, that doesn't exactly help my self-loathing.

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>>26332634
I suffer from insomnia too so my sleep is all over the place anyway.
Many drugs and attempts at fixing it do nothing so I just deal with it now

>>26332623
I like nascar for the crashes because i'm trash

>>26332654
What did she say to you?

>>26332744
you can enjoy the crashes as well as appreciate the excitement of the racing

>>26331995
tripfags probably

>>26332806
kek


burn

>>26332788
The actual racing doesn't excite me desu

>>26332806
rude

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I'm wondering, is anyone here a comedian or considered to be ''funny'' by others?
Any pagliaccibros here?

>>26332891
I've been considered pretty funny since i was a child. Its a really good way of hiding my issues.

>>26332948
You ever try standup?
I'd like to try going to an open mic to try and get a gf or something, but I don't think I'm funny at all.

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>zero interests in life aside from indulging deeper in escapism either via animu/vidya or drug consumtion
>fucked up sexuality so no chances of fullfilling my 1# biological function of passing my genes to further generations
>can't kill myself because that'd absolutely kill my parents as well, and they've always been the kindest people to me caring only about my well-being, so at the very least I gotta endure this till they die
>can hardly stand being in their presence, even though they think that nothing wrong is going on
>tfw ran out of hash so will have to chug home-made pear wine instead
memes

>>26332744
I was really low at the time. I was saying how I've let everyone down. Basically that I'm worthless. She was refuting that. Saying that she loves me. That I deserve to be happy.

>>26333010

>not funny
>expects to get gf as a comedian

comedians are notoriously ugly mentally ill betas

>>26333020

>fucked up sexuality

fucked up how?

>>26333010
Nah, standup is my least favorite form of comedy Plus i'm not really one for performing.

>>26333020
Have you ever thought about telling them how you feel? Also what do you mean by fucked up sexuality?

>>26333031
You should see her more often, she clearly cares about you

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My parents are arguing in the other room. It was supposed to by my father's birthday today, but he ended up getting pissed at my mom for the sole fact that she got him a gift. Both my mom's and I relationship with him is increasingly dysfunctional and going to shit.

>>26332948
same here. the stereotype of comedians with shitty childhoods didn't come out of nowhere.

>>26332654

why are you bad with dogs?

>>26333087
Move out anon, that sounds shitty

>>26333088
Never heard that stereotype desu. And I really didn't have a shitty childhood, just a miserable one

>>26333148
I can't move out because I don't have a job and am a full time student currently. Honestly its pretty shitty but I'd wish my father would move out himself. He's was planning on doing that a month or two ago when a things got really bad but I guess he's stuck around.

>>26333187
how much longer do you have?

>>26333220
About a year and a half at minimum as my parents will have to move somewhere else since my father is military. Its going to be shit in between, but I will have just make sure I have enough money to actually support myself on my own.

>>26333274
That blows, hopefully things improve for you anon.

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>>26333069
>>26333075
>Have you ever thought about telling them how you feel?
I tried telling them about how I feel about life in general bits by bits, but even that makes them pretty depressed, and then on the next day they act like nothing happened. Me being a massive sperg doesn't help either.
>"say anon, have you ever thought about killing yourself?"
>"well, a couple of t-"
>see absolutely mortified looks on their faces
>"jk heheh"
>"dont joke like that anon"
Shit like that.
>fucked up how
I'm sure you can figure that out on your own. Should be pretty obvious.
For the love of god don't make me say it.

>>26333045
I remember in high school people told me I was the funniest person they had ever met.
I dunno man humour is all I have when it comes to social interaction, it's just that I can't fathom why anyone would think I'm funny.

>>26333075
It'd be good if I lived closer to her. She lives with my dad but that's very far away.

But if anyone has a sibling that might be feeling down, it could mean a lot to them to hear something nice.

>>26333319
Oh, I think i've got what you're saying. How much does that contribute to your feelings? And It might just be better to tell them, even if it hurts. Thtey could help

>>26333373
My siblings don't talk to me very often. One of them actively despises me

>>26333116
High anxiety in general that extends to dogs. Dogs respond to anxiety instinctually. Then their reaction just creates more anxiety on my part. I can't fix it so I just avoid dogs.

>>26333430
Sorry to hear that. You seem like a cool person to me. Seems like they're missing out.

>>26333555
Eh, we don't have much in common. I actually have a decent relationship with the older sister but we don't talk a lot

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>>26333430
>How much does that contribute to your feelings?
A decent amount. Blah blah guilt yadda yadda romantically and sexually frustrated (although the latter can be said about many people on this board), you know the drill.
>And It might just be better to tell them, even if it hurts. Thtey could help
Maybe, but I can't even begin to fathom what'd happen.
Still, thanks a quite lot for listening to my ramblings, skellington, and good night.

I can't tell if the few moments of clarity I have are from feeling temporarily better or some new form of mania

>>26334129
No problem, hope you sleep well too anon

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Bipolar here. I've been feeling better since my meds.

>>26332095
>Also reminder we have an IRC channel if anyone wants on, Rizon #CDG
It's dead, isn't it?

>>26334200
Probably is right now, not many people know about it desu

>>26334197
Good to hear.

>>26334178
Do you have mania usually?

I was watching a lets play of firewatch, and the dialogue actually made me sob. I want a genuine human connection, god I'm so lonely.
Also I have a fucking 20 minute presentation in tutorial tomorrow. Fuck.

>>26334346
I wanna get that game, is it good?
Whatts tutorial?

>>26334395
It looks fucking amazing and comfy as heck. Tutorial is just the in-class part of my lectures

>>26334536
I'll get itt when it comes out then

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Was rereading Gunshow and found this. Only good webcomic ever to exist tbth

I felt like crying at work today because I was starting to realize how I'm too dumb and slow for the job and how I can't do shit. I feel pathetic and frustrated. I'm a night grocery stocker.

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>>26335481
I don't think that's true anon, I think you're letting your doubts and low self esteem get to you
---
Also I just realized how lonely I am tonight
This hurts

>>26335997
its okay we're all lonely

>>26336127
I don't want anyone to be lonely

>>26336152
we're always going to be lonely

surely ill die on my way to work one day

i hope so

>>26336174
I refuse to accept it. I refuse to accept that I can't change this. I know I can.

Drunk and feeling like shit

sharing some music from my country because i feel like it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCkWU8a2JBg

>>26336293
Thanks for sharing, I really really like that

Welp

I locked my keys in my car and I have been waiting for AAA for close to 2 hours. It wouldn't be so bad if my car wasn't running. I was told I was a priority because it was running, but I got a call and was told there was a 911 emergency and the dude they dispatched for me was sent there. I'll have to wait another 30-40 minutes. I have a 30 minute drive home and class in 8 hours.

Welcome to my life.