>>26247402 Completely unable to relate to other people or feel anything for them all my life :( Big tendency towards abuse and abusive relationships :,p Obsession on one of my friends :) Unable to feel remorse or guilt :p Enjoy doing bad things and getting my way, if just feels like a game ,:)
I have auditory hallucinations when I lay in bed at night. I'm constantly restless, and often pace while shaking my hands and talking to myself. I fantasize about killing myself every day, and practice tying nooses from time to time. My internet activity is being monitored by the government (Hi FBI). I wear the same clothes for weeks at a time. I never leave the house except for to pick up my medication, and I have to work myself up to do that.
>>26247402 I've never seen anyone as irritated by chewing/breathing/sniffling as me. Ever. Like I have to physically remove myself from the room or I'll try to slyly put my finger in my ear on whatever side the noise is coming from. I cannot tolerate it at all. What could this be?
>>26247402 I have to breath vertically on my hands through my nose every now and again, sometimes for extended periods of time until i'm out of breath. Funnily enough one of my more "normal" OCDs, but possibly mental health related,
>drug addiction >mood swings >anhedonia >self harm >constantly chewing on the inside of my mouth >panic attacks when I try to get out of NEEThood >totally fascinated with mass murderers, spree killers, etc. >vaguely sadistic and masochistic
>click my teeth back and forth in patterns all day >flex toes compulsively all day >bite gums/lips inside mouth until bloody and raw >when fuck up chant "kill yourself" over and over to myself >often don't think any thoughts, can lose hours just staring at nothing until I snap out of my trance >hold in my poops >can't recognize faces unless I've known someone for a really long time, fucks up any chance of a social life for me
Sometimes when I'm walking around and think of something cringeworthy from my past I'll just blurt out something like "Fuck, just fucking kill me now, just fucking stab me in the face" a couple times over. Occasionally people hear me and give me weird looks.
I'm extremely insecure about what people think due to a combination of low self esteem and paranoia, most likely. Today a girl actually complemented me on my outfit and smiled at me. I thanked her, but as soon as she turned her head I started thinking about how she was probably fucking with me and thought I looked awful or just out of place or something.
That sort of plays into the idea that I always feel like I'm being "persecuted", as if everyone is out to get me and any genuine act of kindness is really just a veil to a deep seated hatred.
I know I exhibit some of the signs of Avoidant Personality Disorder, but I don't think I'm quite all the way there. Anyway, I finally made an appointment to go to the free counseling provided at my school but it's not until Monday and you pretty much can't tell them you're having serious suicidal thoughts or they're required to contact someone, and I'd rather not have that happen so I guess I'll just deal with the other stuff.
I have this compulsion that causes me to think that odd numbers are bad luck. When I turn up the volume or set something up in an oven, etc. It has to be an even number or I feel like something bad is going to happen.
>>26253346 Things like this are actually pretty common. With regard to volume, some people (like) me have to have it on a multiple of 5, some people a multiple of 10, some people even numbers, etc. or something just feels "off." Generally a good rule of thumb is that the more specific it is, the weirder it is. Like, if you had to set the volume only at multiples of 2 that are also multiples of 3 but not multiples of 4, then I'd be a bit weirded out.
Senpai, anyone remember that faggot who aupposedly did a bunch of drugs and for a few days he would bear an angry black man rapping in his head and wouldnt stop? He posted some of the bs on here might have been /b/ was funny though
I know that the majority of people in the world are indifferent to me and a small minority hate me. No one likes me and no one ever has liked me. I don't know why this is because I try to be nice to people and make friends but it never works.
I don't feel persecuted but I don't think it's fair either. Other people get to have friends, girl friends and get married and live normal lives. Why am I constantly rejected?
Sometimes I get these ridiculous bursts of energy and good feelings.
Like I won't be able to stop tapping my foot or flipping a pen, and pretty soon my mind is all over the place and I'm talking really fast and I can tell people who know me find it unusual. When this happens I like to run a lot. I'll run and run and not get tired, and just get super into it. And I don't feel the need to sleep and I just feel like a badass. I just have this good feeling in my body all over. To anyone observing me I probably look like I'm tweaking the fuck out, it's hard to hide.
I think it's just a massive inferiority complex and because we perceive ourselves to be inferior we starting hating ourselves, then we project those feelings of self-loathing in to others. (they must hate me, etc etc)
>people are always plotting my downfall >talking to myself >deluding myself with my lies, to make myself feel more interesting >thinking of ways to get back at the people that did me wrong >spill spaghetti whenever people talk to me and i wasn't prepared >having to force myself to show emotion
I have trouble getting over the past. I seem to constantly mention an event that occurred in the seventh grade up to two years back. I was lied to and emotionally abused for about three years by someone I would have died for. Now, whenever I happen to see this person, I cannot function. I burst into tears, my hands shake, and I'm unable to form coherent sentences.
From that, I've learned I'm unable to hold a decent relationship, and I have a severe obsession with people who are almost a carbon copy to the person who lied to me.
What could this be? I'm too /broke/ to be diagnosed professionally, any ideas could help at least put me in a general direction.
>say things out loud literally without thinking when an embarassing memory pops into mind, it's usually something like 'you should kill yourself' or 'just end me'. I did it today when I had my headphones on walking and I said it loudly and a guy looked at me weird, I didn't realize until after and I laughed but it's still weird
>when I get home I sometimes say weird shit loudly because nobody is in and I can say whatever
>when I get in I start madly and lovingly petting and stroking my dog telling him I missed him and talking to him like he's human
>>26247402 I do this half-grimace type of thing. It's hard to describe, but I make a push out the corner of my mouth (either side, but only one at a time) diagonally downwards, far enough that it makes all the ligament/tendons in my neck pop out. I've been told that it's just a nervous tick, but I dunno. I've gotten a lot better at stopping myself or at least making it less obvious when I'm doing it.
>>26255026 >I've been told that it's just a nervous tick, but I dunno. I've gotten a lot better at stopping myself or at least making it less obvious when I'm doing it.
I used to "click" my jaw all the time, that is build up a load of tension sticking my jaw out and then pushing it over the resistance to a fast 'click' on the other side. It kind of crept up on me, and before I noticied it it had built up to the point I noticied it. And so I did what you're doing and focussed on stopping it (or at least minimising it) and I'm happy to report that it works. As in, just keep doing what you're doing for a while longer and it'll become second nature and it'll be away.
(But you can still do it in private if you want to)
>>26255199 Nigga I have the er bill from the last one, but your probably right. I don't think I actually want to die, but there is this urge that takes over some times. Side note, but unless you have a shot gun suicide is actually really fucking hard. I've tried more times than I care to remember. Slashing and od are both really ineffective which are both my go to methods since it's always in the moment, and never planned out. I suppose I could try helium tank but that requires planning.
>>26255382 slashing your wrists is easy as shit if you have some determination and drink a lot beforehand to numb yourself to the pain. One slit up the wrist, and a full bathtub. that's all it takes. there's hanging yourself, ODing is fucking retarded and way too easy to pussy out on, you can lie down on some train tracks, throw yourself off of a very tall building/cliff/bridge, swim out into the ocean and drown, and of course you can always get a gun (any gun, not just a shotgun) and shoot yourself if you aren't a retard.
if I wanted to kill myself, I would combine almost all of those methods to ensure that it actually went through. if you want to die, fucking kill yourself, don't dance around it and whine to everyone else. nobody wants to hear that shit.
>homicidal thoughts >extreme rage >confusion >unable to do anything bc my brain is an asshole and is blocking everything >unable to feel anything but anger >dont enjoy anything >unable to socialize i probably have brain damage or some shit
>>26255458 It takes hours to bleed out.You will naturally have a panic attack and call someone before you die. Again though most of my attempts were in the heat of the moment so something like walking to the tracks were always a no go.
>>26255612 You're a dipshit with no knowledge of human anatomy. A slit artery results in an immediate drop in blood pressure, making you want to pass out, and you bleed to death in a matter of minutes. You can slit your throat, your wrists, the inside of your thighs and a number of other places and die quickly. Not to mention that someone who is actually suicidal wouldn't pussy out because of a "panic attack," they wouldn't be panicking, they'd be relieved.
>heat of the moment you sound like a disgusting normie
>almost completely unable to distinguish when I am thinking from when I am talking, will randomly stop talking at times and pass it off as a stutter or say my thoughts out loud >occasionally black out and hit my own head for no reason >regular sleep paralysis and night terrors >sometimes see and occasionally talk to ghosts/demons
>>26254772 Everybody screams weird shit when nobody's home. My favorite things to yell >FUCKING WIENER >OOO STICK IT IN ME these are usually in a Boston accent > BIG ASS NUTS > FUCK MY SHIT UP SENPAI > A FUCKING LADY these are sung typically
>>26255865 stop falling for the fucking bait god dammit how fucking stupid can anyone be that guy has been shitposting all day and people just keep replying it's always the ones who say "normie" or "roastie" or "reee" too, just a bunch of fucking shitposters from reddit with no awareness
>>26247563 Back when I was in my basement 247 never seeing the daylight and smoking weed all the time I'd think the same thing, not a sure sign of schizo but I'd look into other symptoms and see if they match
>>26247402 I feel like I'm being stalked by some guys recording me every time I go to bed. Recording me live and people are watching while I sleep. Haven't had that feeling in a while so I might be safe.
>emotional detachment >paranoid about people around me These ones are freebies. Although it is the worst feeling in the world to learn that everybody actually only cares about themselves, even your best friends, people you may consider to be like brothers. They would fuck you over in a heartbeat just to gain even the slightest advantage in life. It still kind of stings.
>starting to care less/not feel any emotion about the loved ones around me My family are just all too normal. All they care about are their careers and their place on the ladder. I've even started to think that they don't really love me, they just tolerate me. As such, my feelings towards them have changed considerably.
>slowly starting to think I'm in a Matrix type reality I have a strange recurring thought that the majority of people, or potentially everybody else in the world except me is a demon pretending to be a human. Like some sort of conspiracy. It would explain my chronic bad luck (it's orchestrated) and negative interactions with other humans. Of course, I'm not crazy enough to believe it to be true. On the other hand, it would explain a lot...
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