Two nights ago I found out the hard way what happens when you don't take enough Tylenol to kill you. Haven't been to my classes and I just told my friends I'm sick. I don't know what's stopping me from trying something else honestly.
Knowing that then normies would be happy. They drove one inferior being to suicide through bullying and humiliation. But now at least I know my life has no value, no meaning. I have nothing to lose. I'm free. Free to take revenge.
I don't know. Usually when I start feeling suicidal I call a friend and talk to them for a while. I still remember the looks on their faces last time I tried to an hero as they drove me to the hospital, and the talks that resulted from that. I'm trying to get better now, but I still feel the same.
>>26226236 Because of my parents, also there is a good chance if Christianity is right, I will burn in hell for all eternity for commuting suicide and for being a racist (i don't see how god could like Africans, Jews or Arabs).
>>26226953 Don't be bitch. Cutting your veins is a shitty way to go out. Only Attention whores cut. If you really want to die, you either jump off a really high buildings, drink some toxic shit, or the best method, a shotgun or musket to the head from the mouth the the back of the head.
Several things: >my mom >my brother and sister (especially my brother) >my gf (who I'm 99% sure would off herself too seeing as how she's a little bit nuts) >my hope of transferring out of CC and getting back into real college and getting my life back on track >antidepressants have actually worked for me and I don't feel as miserable anymore >good friend killed himself and I got to see how it devastated his family and friends >instinctual fear of death >religion >no real reason to kill myself to begin with
I don't really know. I think about it all the time. If I really wanted to, I could just steal money from my family to buy a shotgun and end myself, but I have to force myself to at least wait and see if things get better.
To be honest, I don't really care about my family. It's their fault I'm fucked up, they deserve the grief.
I don't know how to kill myself. No, really. I have no access to a gun and no money or way to order helium or anything like that. I could always slit my wrists but I've read a lot about that and I've found that wrist cutting is extremely ineffective and also extremely painful. Hanging seems like my best option but if you mess up then your life is permanently fucked
>>26227200 I don't want to kill myself by train. I saw my mother kill herself that way and no way I'd ever do that. I' a huge pussy, but I want to die. I know a lot about failed suicides and the consequences. My best bets are jumping from an extremely tall building (but I'm too pussy to do that) or hang myself. I think hanging is my best bet.
>>26226236 Benis xd mummy and daddy will be sad and devastate u.u I don't wanna make them sad! But they will be better without me... They couldn't keep reeling disappointed with me if I'm dead. But they will be sad... And I don't want that.
>>26227243 Then get drunk. Closest I've been to blowing my head off was when I was drunk. It really helps with courage. I only didn't do it, because I'm not decided I really want to, I've never been. If someone who actually decided to kill himself gets drunk, it should be easy.
A few reasons >too much of a coward >already failed once, left a scar on my neck >family would lose their only child, they care about me despite me being an autistic failure >don't want to be put in the fucking psych ward again
>>26230580 Yeah, that was what I was thinking about when I was at my lowest. Just kept going for my sisters and my parents, I'm much better now and I love them even more, they saved my life without even knowing it.
Still, I ended up cutting my arms like an edgelord when I couldn't bring myself to slash my wrists...just for good measure I guess. Those scars don't go away and people hardly believe that a dog scratched me like that. Really regret doing that now. It makes me even more self-conscious.
>>26230799 Im glad to hear that youve turned around. Things are looking bleak for myself, but I'm hoping that my percieved obligation to stay alive for them will blossom into a desire to stay alive for myself. Reading your post definitely brightens things up.
My sister is nearing the end of medical school. I know she'd probably fail exams if I killed myself, on top of that the several times I've tried before have only left me with most likely brain damage, I've never talked to a doctor about it because it's not like someone who's a neet needs decent motor skills/concentration.
I want to continue living, I just don't want to live in THIS world desu
>tfw when you're not even bad looking >can't blame your lack of social skills, life or gf on being uggo >your social anxiety and autism are just apparent to everybody the instant they meet you or even lay eyes on you >you will never have a meaningful relationship with anybody >slowly eating away at you every single day
honestly been pretty close to it, as in i've had the gun to my head, hammer cocked, finger on the trigger several times. In the end I'm always too much of a pussy. All of the what-if's and unknowns about a possible afterlife always stop me. Everybody I've ever known has judged the shit out of my to the point I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up that I have no doubt in my mind that if there happens to be some kind of godly being they will do the same.
I've tried a several times and had a loaded shotgun in my mouth a couple times as well. I've become less suicidal over the past several years though but I still I usually wish I was just dead. I don't know, I guess a shred of hope that life will continue to get slightly better as I get older.
Because it makes no fucking sense I want to sleep and never wake up but I will never experience it. I can't motivate myself with a feeling that makes no sense. I can't imagine what non existant feels like.
the beauty of death would be that I didn't need an answer to this and that it doenst have to make sense. I can just say fuck you and be done with it, but dieing isnt that easy, unless you find a rash and spontaneuos way to end it in mere second without even realizing it. Planning and going through with it is just too hard for a pussy such as myself. I tried a half-assed attempt in hanging myself just to see what it feels like to be near death, was even too pussy for that and couldnt get enough pressure on my neck to stop me from breathing.
Family, specifically my younger brother. I can't leave him behind even if he has become more successful than me. Some people kill themselves because there is nothing to lose at all. They have no family, friends, co workers that may slightly care about them.
>>26226236 The possibility of being famous, if not during my lifetime then posthumously. But to be famous posthumously you have to do something notable before you die, which I haven't yet. But I'm working on it.
I've given my self up to my 20th birthday to change and if i haven't made any significant progress by then im either jumping off the roof of my building or just leaving and become a drifter and wander across the country cuss i just wont give a fuck anymore.
>>26226236 >have a oneitis >she's not particularly attractive or anything >we met online (we live in other countries) >she's a senior in high school >she has a huge course load (IB program at a richfag school) >she's bad at writing essays but i'm really good at them >i help her out a lot with her hw, get her good grades >really the only useful thing i do >she has other boys she talks to tho >she even kissed one boy but said she hates him now cuz he's an asshole >she's going to uni in another country >once she graduates i'm just gonna say goodbye >might even kill myself, figure i'll do a steroid cycle for 3 months and if i can't get a gf after that i'll end it at 23yo
Already tried. Followed my life to its logical conclusion and realized I shouldn't be alive. I thought i'd do the noble thing and erase myself. However when I tried, I pussied out. Now I'm living in this purgatory like an ignoble animal; I've no purpose. I could've gone out on a high; I could've looked life in the eye and said, "fuck you, I'm not playing with this shit hand you've dealt me."
Instead I live like some incubated vegetable of a man. I'm now costing my family and living as "NEET". I could've left with my head held high, now I live in constant shame.
>>26236707 >it hurts so much but it makes me feel human. Thats why we all hold onto our depression and our isolation. If we didn't find meaning in it then it would be cruel enough to kill ourselves. Problem is letting go so you can be happy finally.
I had somewhat of a near death experience a few hours ago
>be me >tripping on shrooms >decide to meditate >go too deep and overwhelm my bloodstream with oxygen (hyperventilate) >entire body enveloped in intense vibrations >hands are completely locked up in an open position >figure I'm having a stroke and I'm going to die from hyperventilation >breathing becomes worse because intense anxiety >feels like my life is draining away >Lay down on my stomach and accept my fate
Said fuck that and got up, was about to tell my parents to call an ambulance but decided not to and allow the feeling to pass. It eventually subsided but i was in shock for a bit.
>What's stopping you from committing suicide? The forced apathy I place upon myself when depressed. I did attempt suicide a couple years ago, obviously failed. I've never been quite the same since then, better in some ways, far worse in others. Whenever I start slipping down into depressed thoughts I eventually remind myself that none of it matters. Living or dead, happy or sad, in the end it won't matter. I honestly couldn't tell you why I find that comforting, but I do and it is keeping me from suicide. I know this is a bandaid solution, and there is a very good chance that I will kill myself somewhere down the line unless my life changes drastically, which is doubtful at this point in time.
everything is pointless and whether i'm alive or dead doesn't matter, so i don't see the point in killing myself or living either way
i subsist on bare minimum energy expenditure and life force, i continue to exist because of circumstances embedded into me from birth beyond my control, i still see my meaningless life as something to lose with the potential for change and meaning despite realizing that it is futile to continue and i am indeed delusional and pathetic, i will never comprehend any of the answers to the questions i keep myself alive for, nothing will ever satisfy me in life and death is the logical and merciful ending to the organism that i am so eventually i will finally reach the conclusion i was looking for at the end of my life cycle, meanwhile i distract myself from reality to survive because my ego cannot accept it's inevitable death, it's a joke without a punchline
continue or not, in the end it's all the same, all i can hope for anymore is to painlessly disappear in my sleep, time will fulfill what i could not, it will correct the mistake of my birth
I was happy at least once before, I want to be happy again. facing my problems used to beat the shit out of me but I kept trying. after a few weeks i saw progress, some glimmer of hope. sometimes i had to lie to myself constantly to keep myself from actually doing it. Reality for some other people's lives makes me appreciate mine, so i dont advocate suicide but i understand why people feel like it's their best decision.
i somehow ended up with a wife and a baby a year after i traveled and did a lot of acid and heroin and huffed a bunch of ether and propane. i was really really ready to not be alive and then some girl had sex with me and my entire life was changed. i did pussy out for like 3 years before i started hitchhiking and not giving a fuck so meh but spending a month in the desert with lots of whiskey and little water is basically the exact opposite of pussying out i think. anyways i wouldnt change a thing now because im happy and thats a miracle brought on rampant drug use. do drugs and be happy robots
Earth is 4.5 billion years old. Universe is what, 13.5 billion years old?
Humans are a pathetic spec on a tiny shitty little planet in the Perseus arm of the Milky Way galaxy.
Our selfish genes couldn't care less how we evolve.
Personally, the pathetic four score and ten that I have at most to live is all I have. Ok, we have science that may give me another 10 or 20 years?
It is still sweet fuck all, but it's all we have. Suicide is pathetic. I say that as someone who suffers from depression and all that shit too.
I call out to anyone who is closed minded and religious and suffering from suicidal ideation - strip the world of your shitty fantasy gods - learn how awesome the universe is and just how really pathetic you are. Then realise your pathetic tiny blip of life is not worth curtailing, you may as well have the extra few years 'cos there is no god or heaven out there.
>>26230892 I love how this hypocritical ccunts always try to blame you for being depressend. They are basically saying your personal suffering doesn't matters because other people might feel uncomfortable during a few days. And this is the same idiots that are always saying that the most important thing is yourself. I fucking hate them.
>>26241653 Exact same boat. >last night >pondering the futility of the universe >take a heroic dose of 25i-NBOMe >7mg >sat on the basement floor staring in the mirror watching myself sob >general shakiness, heartburn, and headache >think I've built up way too much of a tolerance to rcs to an hero with them >gun might be the best bet
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