Hello, anons. Sorry for the leave of absence. I'm back tonight, so feel free to grab a drink, share some feels, or listen to some tunes.
Thank you, anon. I'm glad that, even for such a short while, I was able to bring some happiness and camaraderie to this board.
You really did. I wish I could meet you. Thank you for everything, truly.
I know you probably have a lot of important real life matters to attend to but do you think you could check in occasionally for as long as possible?
Psych, I'm the guy in the therapy thread. Ah, it's you. You're pretty good at this stuff. One of my favorite barkeeps these days. I've always wanted to have two on at once, but it'd probably be hecktic.
I'll do what I can, anon. I just got back from a trip abroad with my father (bucket list and all that), so I should be able to keep the place open for a little while longer, so long as I'm still able to type. I'm actually trying to get a speech-to-type program to work so I can post when my fingers don't work.
Thanks, anon. It means a lot to me. I think two at once might be chaotic, but it'd be nice to have some other bartenders to help out when I'm having trouble moving my fingers.
Water, lots of it.
I have a kidney stone and would like it to hurry the fuck up. I sat in the ER for 4 hours writhing in pain last night/this morning before I was finally seen. Currently poping pain and anti-nausea pills while drinking an ass ton of water
I'm sorry for the feels, anon. If I could cure this disease, I would. Can I get you a free drink on account of those dubs?
Sure thing, anon. I'm sorry to hear about your kidney stone; just keep drinking water. Here's a liter to start.
>get new job
>one qt petite Japanese girl
>one 6'1 chubby Japanese girl with a fat ass and is a weeb
>they're both engaged
Not like I would have a chance if they were single, but man I would have put aside my beta to get with them
I'll have some Maple Whiskey if you got it on the shelf.
Anyways, are Sundays absolutely dreadful for anyone else? It's currently Monday but I remember last night just being an influx of dread and hopelessness, seriously considered ending it today. It's not as bad now though.
Don't sweat it, anon. If you're meant to be with someone, it'll happen. The best advice I have other than that is to
I have a bottle of Cabin Fever back here, if that's okay. They used to be bad for me, before I quit school. Having to TA lectures for hundreds of normies a day was absolute hell.
Right away, anon.
Fellow tender here as well, haven't been on shift in the longest time but it's good that so many other robots have taken up the job.
Barkeep, i'm feeling neutral tonight. Rum and coke would be nice. How's the illness, what's your prognosis?
Here's a Jack&Coke, anon. It's been better than I thought it would be; I can walk most of the time with the help of a cane. I'll live to see the leaves change, but I likely won't live to see the Lions lose their Thanksgiving game.
I'm afraid I can't serve Chads here, anon. Try your local titty bar instead.
Cheers, barkeep. If you weren't on shift I'd buy you a drink. I've lurked past F&F threads and I've nothing but sympathy for you. What time do you plan on signing off? I might be up late enough tonight to keep the bar going a little while.
If anyone has an ear, I've got a little feel I could do with getting off my chest. I have a diary for this sort of thing but robots hold a more special place in my heart.
Show me the reliable russian vodka friend.
Im invited to play board games with comrades and their gfs and im the only one single at this thing. So I feel a bit tacked on and weirded out about it all but it's still the only thing i got outside neetlife.
I'll probably sign off between 11 and 12 eastern time. Go ahead and vent, anon.
At last it's something non-NEET, anon.Here's some Stolichnaya.
Coming right up, anon. Go ahead and relax.
Thanks, some Cabin Fever would be nice. And yeah, I'm currently on my final year in post-secondary and it's just slowly eating my sanity. I know I should just endure 3 more months and get my degree, but sometimes it just doesn't feel worth the mental agony.
>not jewish or arab
>still get a nose so hedious that it makes me look like an evil disney character that drains the life of innocent children
It prevents me from being 10\10 and makes me 5\10 in a good day
It's hard to try to explain without sounding melodramatic or edgy. I'm content with the way things are going now, I have a small group of friends in college and I have a solid routine but something always feels off, like I'm missing something. It's been eating away at my sanity for at least a couple of weeks now and it's hard to sleep.
I want to think it's just >tfw no gf going into overdrive for one reason or another but whatever it is, it's been taking what would be content, happy even, moods and bringing them down to neutral. Sometimes just downright sad on bad days.
Here's some Russian drink, anon. Depending on the meds, you might want to wait to sober up before you get back on them.
I'm sorry for your predicament, anon. Keep in mind that some robots would kill to be 5/10. Are you otherwise conventionally attractive?
>missed quads by one
Have you considered therapy or antidepressants?
Whiskey on the rocks bartender.
Where to begin, I'm feeling like shit on another night. Finally decided to start getting my shit together, before the final nail is in the coffin. Turning 23 this year, HS dropout, no drivers license, just an utter flunky retard.
Starting to get my GED again tomorrow, but I'm scared because I'm shit at math and I've got to teach myself since I want to go to Uni. Got drivers test on Friday. I just don't want to fail anymore, I want to change. I know asking to be somebody else is unrealistic, so... can I at least become the best version of this shitty incarnation of me?
>claims to be not jewish or arab
>has hideous unibrow
yeah okay bud. having a big nose isnt such a big deal as a guy. if you have any daughters they will be ugly as fuck though
I'm at a crossroads in my life. Somewhat lonely but I'm realizing being single is simply easy. No one to worry about, no one to impress, no one to take care of, no one to spend your money on, but that's just it, no one. Part of me makes me not even want to try but the other half of me wants someone there. But even if I did, I'm too afraid I'd never be able to be the masculine protector a woman would want anyway, and I wouldn't want to let her down. But just maybe if I was, just maybe if she cared, no one said she wasn't just gonna leave me later on down the road anyway, as I'm not the man I used to be. Well, I guess she did in our vows, but we all know people change their minds, don't we?
>Are you otherwise conventionally attractive?
Yes, i think so
It's my fault for having a unibrow. When i was a teen i would shave the really tiny hair i had... I didn't knew that shaving it would make the hair stronger and now i have to deal with this unibrow... It's not noticeable until you are really close to me tough
No good therapists in my area, not any that wouldn't charge exorbitant fees anyway. Money I simply don't have. As for antidepressants, i'm honestly not sure how I'd go about getting those on the down low. I don't want my family finding out.
I've heard some antidepressants kill or at least tone down your libido, which would be tremendously useful to me even if for a time.
my nose is even worse than yours
it's the unibrow that's ruining your look the most. pick it off man, nobody will ever care. it'll just look better, like you started wearing a better perfume.
My major is nothing fancy really, just some Information Technology field, computer and security, all that good stuff. I mean the work load really isn't that bad but my mind just won't cooperate with me.
I might not get into graduate school because my professors didn't send in letters of rec on time. That's the most immediate pressing worry.
My undergrad degree came in the mail today and I have that framed on the wall, wish I had anything else to hang up other than my calendar.
I heard you were having some health issues barkeep, I hope you feel better mate. I've only visited your thread once, but it gives me great comfort that in the endless expanse of the internet, there are still people who perform random acts of kindness.
My unibrow isn't noticeable unless you are really close to my face. However, do you recomend a method for getting rid of the unibrow? I'm afraid that if i shave the hair could grow stronger.
Also, how can your nose be worse? Unless you are an armenian or an iranian of course...
Just push ahead, anon. There are tutoring services for GED or books to help you prepare. Here's your whiskey.
Some people choose the single life, anon. And many of us are happy with it, myself included.
Is it trouble concentrating or are you just having trouble understanding concepts?
Good on you for finishing undergrad, anon. It takes some real willpower to get through.
Nothing too pressing anymore, anon. I've accepted my imminent death; now I'm just trying to enjoy what time I have left.
Sure thing, anon. Wanna talk about it?
hey barkeep how's it going? you mind if i spark up a joint? I'm taking a break from drinking, it worsens my depression, anyways I saw you in the other thread say you're not going to make it past this year, why's that?
If you smoke a joint, I'm going to have to ask you to do it outside. I've got Juvenile Huntington's Disease; I've got about 8-10 months left.
>off by one
Quite a bit, anon, though I'm not going to overserve you. It'd be irresponsible of me.
>I've got Juvenile Huntington's Disease; I've got about 8-10 months left.
You're kidding right?
I think it will be towards the end, but like I said in >>26192529 , I'm refusing treatment. I think I'll spend my last days in Isle Royale in the Upper Peninsula.
Let him live his life, anon. If he's happy with being a drunken NEET, who are we to stop him?
A beer for me barkeep, any beer really, I enjoy tasting new ones.
Thank you for your work in these threads really, not sure why, but they always seem to pop up around 3-5 am where I live. Coincidentally also the time im only up at if i'm skipping sleep when feeling anxious.
My SSRI's have stopped working for a while now, feels like apathy and just anger is starting to loom over me again. I feel so fucking empty. I'm not sure to go from here. I moved out years ago, now i'm just in a limbo between being an adult and a child.
Wow... anon, seriously... Is this real or this just to enhance your bartender persona?
If real i admire you for being so calm... It makes the problems that people have here extremely insignificant and childish
If you like IPAs, Bell's White Winter Ale is a good one from Michigan. I'm in the US, so that might be why.
I'm spending it finishing off what I can from my bucket list. I still come back to shitpost from time to time.
It's very real, anon. I found out in December after I couldn't walk one day. Now I use a cane and I can't type sometimes.
pic related. it doesn't hurt and wont make it worse. just remember to pick from the root and do it once a week or something.
i actually am armenian kek. i've got the bulge too but mine is crooked aswell, asymmetrical from the front. it must've happened at birth.
Yeah,i hang out with some guys i know since high school(i'm in college),one of them(let's call him Steve) had a gf,a nasty bitch,he broke up with her last summer because he saw that she was toxic for him(he began smoking weed because of her,he was stressed all the time and she litterally fed upon it),two months ago, my best bro tried to flirt with her,since Steve dumped her and said clearly that he didn't wanted to see her again,we thought that it was nothing,my bro tried and failed,another bro of mine(let's call him Bob) was the childhood best friend of Steve,the girl tried to flirt with him,at first he resisted but he gave in and got a handjob,that was one month ago .
Steve get stoned a week ago and slaps my bro because girl told him the story but didn't told the story of Bob,bro don't talks to him anymore and Bob gets nervous and tells to me and bro the story of him and the girl,that was yesterday,we came to think that she wanted to fuck with Bob to get Steve jealous,break their friendship and then go back to Steve to have him back,that's the kind of girl who can clearly do that.
Today,the girl came to Steve,crying,and told him the story of her and Bob,Steve hates Bob now,Steve doesn't want to see anyone now and we're afraid that the girl would try to manipulate him into being with her again .
I have another story,but just put a nice glass of wine with some peanuts please,bartender .
Shit man really? life is a fucking bitch, you practically saved my fucking life a while back you know that barkeep? I was the teacher you told to go to therapy and I did, it really helped me figure shit out, and now I find out you're dying, fuck man, even though I never knew you I always felt like you were the friend I never got to know
Of course, anon. Red or white?
I'm glad I could help, anon. Spreading good is one of the few things I can still do. I wish I weren't dying, anon. But I am, so all I can do is enjoy myself and help my fellow robots.
Here's some vodka, anon. What's been going on?
I'm happy to see that someone enjoys it. I just wish I had some way to keep these threads going when my hands start fucking up.
I have a nice Chenin Blanc, if that's alright.
I'm gonna do like Bond.
Vodka martini, shake it not stir please.
I don't know man, I feel all alone all time. I guess I'm trying to come to terms with being the "other guy". When someone invites me over to hangout, I feel like they don't do it because they like me, but I have something of use/they need another person, and I'm all that's left. They say they care for me, but I don't believe them. And they don't really say it often. I just feel so alone and sad inside.
I know that feel, anon. It's an awful burden that we robots bear.
My fingers are starting to lock up. If there are any anons here who are able to tend bar, I would be immensely grateful. I love you, anons. Godspeed. And if I don't see you again, we'll meet in the Eternal Tavern.
The Registered Nurse program itself isn't too bad, just getting in is the issue. Only 70 slots and 300+ competing for them, and it's based almost entirely off a single test score.
It's been almost a month since we last spoke. I've been keeping busy. Honestly she's not worth the trouble, but I genuinely enjoy her company. Which is more than I can say for anyone else in this town.
I'm too high to go into great detail, but before I went I felt empty and without purpose, I was ridiculed by colleagues and students alike, I had a desire to have someone to actually give a fuck about me and give me a reason to wake up in the morning
I used to make threads where I'd simply listen to people and give honest feedback. Got a lot of positive reception for a while and I wonder how some of those people are doing. Like one guy who went on vacation with his family to Hawaii then up and left them without an explanation to start a new life in the state.
Thanks for the beer anon, altough i've been cutting down quite a bit recently.
I keep having these periods now and then. Recently I have nightmares every single night, I wake up sweating or grinding teeth, before falling asleep from exhaustion just to repeat it.
As weeks go by with this, one simply adopts a "don't fall asleep unless it's from exhaustion" policy. Since i'm incapable of studying in this condition I simply don't go to university.
I've stopped eating, besides a small meal at exactly 17pm when i wake up, and some binge drinking of milk at 1am.
I go to the university, but basically don't go at all. Skipped two of my exams, so I don't know what's going to happen there. Parents are furious and disappointed off course, which in turn sets off my massive pride system and I cut them off completely.
Psychologist is still trying to build me a self-image that's not based on loathing and what years of domestic-abuse slammed into me from childhood. So far it's not working. I can't hardly say i'm clinically depressed or anything like that, my brain just gave up emotions years and years ago. Living is a chore in this state.
Best of luck to you with your last few months. If I don't see you around /r9k/ some other time, I'll see you in the eternal tavern.
Alright brobots, new (old?) barkeep is in, let's get the drinks, feels and comfy tracks going. If any of you actually recognize me then, good shit. I'm looking at you, Stella bot.
Perfect,thanks ! "drinks"
Well let's get started:
>Yesterday before the Stevebomb
Me and another bro(let's call him Klaus) go to a brunch for the birthday of the gf of one of our friends,pretty good party,we all have fun except best bro.
Asked him what's wrong,he told me that he didn't like the people here anymore and that our friends never do anything for him except some of them.
Try to cheer him up,succeed,the brunch goes well.
Around 6PM we go back home except me,Bob and another guy(he's into bondage so i'll call him Ropeman),we go to eat some kebab,we talk a lot about Steve,his ex and also about my bro,he didn't liked the fact that Bob did nothing when Steve slapped him, and Bob felt it,we decided to talk with bro and Steve later .
Tonight,bro called me just after i got the news about Steve and Bob,he told me that he wanted to quit the group,that he wanted to never see us again,including me.
Told me that it was because his family kept pressuring him because we didn't wanted to hang out with his older brother(we had our reasons,he's mean to everyone and try to dominate every single thing about the group).
I stayed with bro on the phone for thirty minutes...i cried a lot,he was like my brother to me and even him didn't wanted to do that but he had to do it...he was the only friend that i wanted to keep through all my life and he's gone just because of his stupid family...thanks bartender for listening me .
The days are getting longer. I'm either high or drunk every day, or both. I've been high every day for the past three weeks, actually. When I have the day off I just sit in my room and play Dark Souls 2 all day. I told myself I'd start going to the gym in december. I told myself I'd be doing cooler shit than sitting in my room all day.I have a girl I'm talking to but for the time being she lives far as fuck away and I'm lucky if I can see her once a week.
Wow anon. Thank you for being so candid with me. I feel really blessed to have these fleeting intimate moments with you robots.
>sets off my massive pride system and I cut them off completely.
What do you mean by this? Do you struggle with your ego? When they are disappointed do you feel that you can't handle it? Do you need to constantly feel like others are rooting for you?
If so, that hits close to home.
I'm sorry you're struggling in school anon. Maybe it's a part of your destiny later in life.
Why do you think you've been resistant to your psychologist's self-image building?
What sorts of things did you experience in terms of domestic abuse (if you don't mind me asking)?
First girl I've actually loved in 5 years. Every moment I'm not with her I'm hating myself. Every minute she's around I despise her for seeing the me I want to see when I look in the mirror. I keep pushing her away, driving recklessly, making her take the pills I take. I have a decent job, I make better money than I deserve. I'm on a binge. Bars, alcohol, oxy's, antidepressants, stims. When I kill myself I want everyone to know I was a martian
you know barkeep, if there is a heaven, I know you'll make the best damned bartender up there,
also can you play this track, it's an old high school favourite of mine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-MQR96m4Yk
Usual please, Cuba Libre extra libre.
Things are alright, I'm gonna get to work soon so I'll be able to start earning my bread and butter around the house. It'll feel good to pitch in and stuff, I'm excited about that.
Of course I'm looking forward to buying my own things and getting deeper into an adult life.
Other than that, I can't complain much, I hope other anons are doing well.
On that note, I wish there was a way we could help you Bartender. At first I thought these threads were cringy but I've come to like them. I hope that wherever you go next in life, it's somewhere where your skies are blue.
Take care man.
Why are you apart? Why do you blame her for your unhappiness within yourself?
Why do you push her away? Why do you hurt her?
Why don't you sober up? Come back down to earth anon, we are gentle here.
Nice double dubs, mate. Next drink is on me.
Cuba Libre? Coming right up, interesting taste.
That's great that you're pitching in and feeling good about it. It's always been gratifying for me when I earn my keep. Some of us seem to be doing alright but as is the nature of /r9k/, not every robot is in a good place at the moment.
On a serious note, I feel for you on that one. I met a qt on campus last semester and we seemingly clicked so well, I found out at the last minute she was a lesbian.
It's been a while, might need a bit to jog my memory but until then I'll gladly get you a milk & bailey.
It's hard to explain exactly what's the root cause, but my primary feeling is that it's a strong reluctance to be dependent. To be judged, in a positive or negative manner. I don't care that it's negative, I just care that someone feels they can judge any of my actions at all. It's kind of a teen attitude I guess, basically "I am only responsible to myself". This is the primary reason I started smoking, and why I moved out the moment I turned 18.
The primary reason would probably be that I have never relied on anyone. My problems have always been my problems, and mine alone. I finally went to a psychologist when I moved out, because doing it while at home would bring my parents into it. It's worth to note that I have NEVER, not on a single occassion, talked about anything emotional with my parents.
Experienced what there is of physical and mental abuse, beatings, chokings, etc. I believed I was worthless at 6, and already at that point felt that I didn't deserve pity or help from others. Receiving help would make me a nuisance, and someone like me didn't deserve being a nuisance. Set out suicide plans when 11 after an attempt. Plan was to go without anyone ever noticing.
Nice quads, new friend.
Have you ever had a relationship? It seems like that dynamic would play out with a partner, no?
I'm sorry you were abused. Have you told your therapist any specifics?
Straight vodka with a splash of sprite for me please.
Been doing well I suppose, got over my breakup fairly quickly now there's another girl flirting with me. But idk how to feel about it, still have random depression swings. Haven't been playing video games as much as I'd like since all the school work and other stresses. I just don't know where I'm heading in life right now.
I haven't seen an attitude like yours in a while, it's kind of frightening in a way but it's also almost admirable in a sense. The picture of independence and stoicism, or maybe I'm giving you too much credit but it's definitely interesting.
I'd raise a glass to you if I wasn't on shift, but I'll make your next drink free at least.
There's always a little bit of uncertainty. Do you ever record your thoughts, like in a diary? It sounds cliche but in my (albeit anecdotal) experience it's helped me make sense of everything putting the pressing things on paper. Vodka and sprite coming right up.
I meant trips. kek.
I also meant to ask what you feel the repercussions would be if you allowed yourself to rely on someone?
It seems like you can't have honesty or commitment if you're caught in the "lone wolf" mentality. Don't you think you create the very thing you fear by pushing others away?
Assuming what you fear is acceptance, or having acceptance from another person and then losing it.
Just a thought. I'm a little drunk myself.
>applied for a job last week
>they are about to call for interviews tomorrow
>hoping they will call me
I'm getting anxiety over this. I really want this job so I can help out my family and catch up on bills. These past couple of months have been hard and I hope that I will be able to get this job. It would really build the confidence I've been wanting back since 2014 when I was working at a good job.
Give me a glass of Remy Martin.
I went on a date this weekend with a girl I really liked.
She was really nice, sweet, kind of reminds me of myself. Had a lot of fun on the date.
Since the date, she's basically been barely talking to me.
I asked if everything's good, she just says nothing is wrong, then responds to my text two hours later.
I'm cutting contact with her because I can tell she probably doesn't give a shit about me and just telling me to go away passively.
I hate myself because this is the first time I felt like I had a good date in a long time and felt something positive to a woman in a long time; guess I'm just kidding myself and not cut out to find someone.
Least you got dubs that time. Your thoughts are spot on though, you've asked the exact same questions I was going to ask him. I'm curious myself as I have a fairly similar worldview and I'm the type to question everything around me.
I hope you do get a call, anon. Have you applied anywhere else?
This has happened to me before. Although the most recent time it's happened I've managed to rationalize it saying the girl I was spending time with was dumb as bricks (which, in fairness she was) but I don't really know what the solution is, if there is one. You did alright by walking away, perhaps by some stroke of luck she might come around if she senses she's lost your interest but who knows? Stranger things have happened before.
I'll get you your drink and hopefully you'll feel better.
One white russian please.
I'm feeling a lot of mixed feelings. I'm a high functioning autist who also has schizo-affective disorder. I took a medicine called depicote about a year ago for the schizophrenia, and it opened up a lot of parts of my brain that weren't there before. I can actually feel a lot of things that we're blunted or non exsistent like jealousy and more complex emotions. It's really difficult to adjust to for me because I've been at the emotional level of a 10 year old until now, (i'm 21) and i'm feeling pretty uncomfortable about it all.
Also working on an artistic career, and its going good, so thats a big positive in my life.
Don't think she will.
She says she's spending time with her friends and binge watching Netflix.
I asked her to go out this weekend with me since I'm a 9-5 wagecuck and have a decently long commute, she said she's not sure if she can.
I asked her to skype if she can't hangout this weekend because I did want to see her, she just "I'll see!" which means no.
I had a good day, chief, set me up with something lite. I'm a wagecuck after all so it's back to the 9-5 tomorrow.
my uncle forgot my name, like my mother in law wanted some work done on the house so I called my aunt and asked for my uncle, I talk to him and told him to meet me at my suegras house, say Hi some small talk and he deals with my mother in law so he leaves and calls back later an my wife answers and he tells her "yeah a (ask his wife my name) yea anons uncle um blah blah blah" yea my wife told me he didnt know my name which made me feel kinda bad.
You're right. Thought I'd try to bring in some optimism but you're right, I wouldn't put money on her saying anything. On another note, how's the 9-5 treating you?
Sure thing, chief. Glass of IPA should do.
Visual 3d Art. I'm making posters/animations in Source Filmaker with a focus on martial arts and fight choreography.
from what I've read about the brain the neurons or whatever its called grow, kind of like little roots. I think the part of my brain that handles emotional development was stunted and not growing until the meds released the chemicals.
The therapist knows pretty much all the specifics. Diagnosed me with severe PTSD.
I can't really explain any specific expectation from it, as i've simply assumed it as a way of life from early childhood. If emotional-wise I know they will use it against me at some point. If there is anything that requires other people's help I will just work twice as hard myself, there is nothing I expect will end badly here, or more correctly I can't conceive myself doing anything like it.
I disagree on the honesty and commitment part, I can be honest about anything, I just need to make sure that honesty won't hurt me. Such as mentally preparing myself before saying it, in case it's used against me. Commitment is not a problem at all, if I find a girl who can accept it.
I don't push others away too much, I actually strive naturally to create an equilibreum of sorts. I'm incredibly social when I must at the university, but not at all once i'm home and alone. I create a face of confidence in public, and keep to myself when I can. I can't stand the idea of looking weak in public, having people around me keeps that from happening.
I just don't get any "deep friendships" whatever that is.
>Assuming what you fear is acceptance, or having acceptance from another person and then losing it.
I don't expect anyone to ever accept me. I expect to be used, but I can't handle being used. It might sound like a fear, I wouldn't personally call it one, or admit to myself that i'm scared of anything.
Sorry if my answers are kinda off-point.
let's play games together, anon!
join me b0ss
Interesting. We practically sound alike, anon. I don't have a diagnosis of severe PTSD (I do have diagnosed ass burgers though) and here you are describing what I do down to the letter.
Why would it ever be? Enjoy the rum.
Yeowch. Best of luck with the project and everything else, anon.
No, I stopped taking it after about 8-9 months because the side effects are HORRENDOUS. its like being hit with a sledgehammer. I've tried fucking Ambien and it wasn't as hard as that shit. I was seeing stars haha. There was a fog in my head, the "Visions" were gone,and also had some moments where i would see double.
not to mention one of the potential side effects is deep vein thrombosis, and I kind of like living lmao.
yeah.I think that some of the effects on my brain are permanent. I have been a little bit diffrent (in a better way) since i took it. My therapist told me sometimes with medication some people need to be on it their entire lives, and sometimes it just "flips a switch" I guess im in the second category
Oh shit, glad you're back. Where did you go, were you in pain or off meditating? plz respond
> rum and cola please
I'm also not doing so hot, but I'm just going to ramble a bit. My dad's chemo treatments are taking longer than we previously thought. I'm still hoping he can beat it, this has been an emotionally taxing time on us. I've got so much going on and it irks me that others don't see me as a person, just like an occasionally amusing object to ease boredom. I didn't feel like faking today so I went to work mopey and yet it seemed better just being quiet and not being on for anyone. Everyone knew something was wrong, but normies don't wanna hear that shit so they just avoided me and were polite whenever I did speak. I just want to run away and be by myself for a while, away from everyone. I've also thought about crashing my car purposefully as a cry for help, but it's the only car we've got, so I'm not that selfish.
>I haven't seen an attitude like yours in a while, it's kind of frightening in a way but it's also almost admirable in a sense. The picture of independence and stoicism, or maybe I'm giving you too much credit but it's definitely interesting.
I think you're giving me a bit too much credit.
I don't think i've chosen a spesific path, it feels more like I was forced into a way of thinking to handle my early day to day life.
Don't expect anything, don't strive for anything you're not sure you can achieve, live day to day, believe what you find out yourself and rely only on your own effort.
My parent-sibling situation is kinda complicated and I won't be getting into it, but I remember being kinda shocked when a sibling told me my parents feared for me more than any of them. All of them go to psychologists, while I have never told them a negative thing occurring in my life. I fixed my own school transfers when I was bullied, I resolved to violence instead of telling anyone, I kept good grades simply not to have them involve themselves in any part of my school life.
So I've been told. :^)
He signed off about an hour ago, I've been picking up the slack. I can't answer your question on his behalf as I'm not 100% on his history but he's only got a few months left.
>run away and be by myself
>crashing my car
How about you drive your car somewhere isolated and collect your thoughts in the silence? I remember a lake some distance from where I lived that I'd bus to whenever I wanted some peace and reflection. Until then though, enjoy the rum and cola. My heart goes out to your father.
If you can count on someone to help you out in a dire situation even at risk to themselves, then you could call it a deep friendship.
There are friends, and there are dead hooker friends. A dead hooker friend you can call at 3 AM, tell him there's a dead hooker in your room and he'll show up with a shovel.
>I just don't get any "deep friendships" whatever that is.
Have you never gotten close to someone? Do you not crave closeness?
>I wouldn't personally call it one, or admit to myself that i'm scared of anything.
It seems like admitting you had a fear is unthinkable - is that because it would cause you pain?
Why do you think people will use things against you? Do you think that stems from the severe abuse you faced?
Can you see how you have a lot of issues around being perceived as less than perfect? You mentioned not wanting anyone to think they can judge you at all, whether good or bad, and you hate the idea of seeming weak in public. It seems like a theme of trying to control the way you're perceived.
Hey barkeep, i will have one of the extra strong drinks today.
My life is pretty good, i have money, investments to the point where i can afford a lamborghini aventador and sustain it even if it depreciates to a dollar, but i cant seem to be able to socialize with girls, its not that i cant, just dont find it enjoyable, even the last girl i have been with, i fucked her(pic related), i couldnt fucking feeling anything, no joy, no feeling in my dick whatsoever.
Am not worried about marriage, cause i can have my familia arrange that easily, i cant marry a pleb afterall.
I just donno what is fun anymore. I thought maybe faggotry shit would be fun, but traps and faggy shit on /b/ doesnt turn me on.
Forgot to attach the pic, my bad bar tender-senpai.
I know that feel bro. Even my Tulpa is becoming frustrated with me. she's like "why won't you pay attention to me anymore?" I tell her i love her and she knows its true, but im just not feeling anything right now.
Dubs of truth. I can safely say I have a dead hooker friend, and I'd return the favor any day. It's a good feel.
Damn, son. inb4 normie reeeeeeeeeee
Unfortunately I can't think of any solutions to your predicament, but I can at least get you something strong. 151 or shine?
Ya know, been wandering here for little over 10 years now and the F&F is not only an oasis for honest feels but a place many come to feel safe.
Got time for the likes of a simple normie like me or am i not welcome? If im allowed to sit here ill take a vodka on the rocks
> I had a dream that I was hanging out with Trump and he gave me some really good cocaine like a 8-ball in two little brown glass vials
I'd take some super old expensive scotch cause I've never had any b4
In reality I just got back from a gas station having bought a pack of cigar/cigarettes (cheap) a tall boy of natty ice and a pint of cheap-o vodka
I was drinking a ton xmas and new day then did a two week break cause my last hangover felt like I was dying
Now here I am back on the sauce
Have a vidy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCQfVHq36RI
>is that because it would cause you pain?
Fear is the definition of weakness, you can't go day to day being scared of what's going to happen soon. I think i'm speaking in circles on this fear stuff, it's not something I do consciously, it's a way of life.
>Why do you think people will use things against you? Do you think that stems from the severe abuse you faced?
Without a doubt. I think it's a natural reaction to simply never having anyone to confide in, and the evolution of my childhood attitude of myself not being worthy of bringing others down with my own problems.
It might very well be me just trying to control how everyone sees me, that sounds like the path my psychologist is on too. Every action in public is conscious, my posture, way of speech, gestures, etc. According to her it's a really tight sitting mask hiding the pain i've stored inside my body since childhood.
Apologizing again for not being too clear in these answers.
Where exactly have you been wandering, 4chan as a whole? With those dubs I might make an exception for a normie, just keep it hush hush because some drunk robots get a little hostile and the security detail is slacking tonight.
Thanks Barkeep, and yeah, 4chan as a whole. I am a recovering hardcore NEET of 5 or 6 years and been promoted to functioning alcoholic to deal with people. Just worried about my graduation and how to function in the real world.
I just want a reality check, but I just have to get this off my chest. I really wish that someone would acknowledge that I am fucked all the way up.
It's me and him, we're poor, we're keeping this a secret. I'm his only caretaker, and I have no friends, siblings or gf to help me cope. I feel like shit for wanting sympathy; when I think of myself in my father's shoes undergoing chemo, I think about just killing myself instead, so he is a braver guy and his pain has to be deep.
But fuck man, I wish someone could tell me I'm not wrong. Again, give me a reality check.
>What made you stop fighting? Greentext the worst fight?
Nothing in particular forced me to stop fighting, it was just the change in school environment where I didn't need to. I still get into occassional fights.
I'm not sure how to choose the "worst" fight.
>somalian kid who's somewhat bullied picks a fight with me since i'm some inches lower than him
>wrestle him down on the ground
>smash his face into concrete ground a couple of times
>2 teeth and broken nose
Some instances where I broke other bones, got my own ass kicked, etc.
Occassionally been violent outside of school yes. For example some stacy making fun of my height at a party, spat and screamed in her face, pushed her boyfriend and threatened to stab him.
151 is a.. safer bet. Don't want any accidents, not tonight. Enjoy.
Would you have been considered a robot prior to your "graduation"? If so, congratulations for doing what I so far couldn't have. I'm sure you'll find a way though.
You're not wrong at all, anon. Watching your own father slowly die and having to take care of him no doubt is absolutely exhausting on your psyche and everyone needs to recharge once in a while. Anyone trying to bring up relativism between your plight and his is a cretin trying to dodge the issue you're going through. If it helps, you've got a friend in everyone at the tavern tonight.
Why can't you? Is it a paranoia thing? I'm sure nobody is going to see anon. I don't know where you are in the world but it's quite late here. You could always delete the post after I respond to it.
No drink for me barkeep, but thanks anyways. This is a beautiful establishment and I thank you guys for your service to the brobot community. Anyways, my life's going really smoothly in comparison to some of the others here tonight, but I just gotta ask how to motivate myself to get up in the morning. Any chance I get, I just lay awake staring at the ceiling until it becomes an unacceptable time in the afternoon for me to be getting out of bed. My family thinks I have serious sleeping or self-discipline issues, and the latter is a factor. Still, I just want to know how to take the first step before it's too late. I'm always indecisive about everything I do and this is an extension of that mentality.
Prolly already been played tonight, but if anyone missed this song it's a decent one for slow evenings.
I'm getting used to having female friends so I'd like to give everyone a round of shots on the house.
This feels weird because I've never had female friends before and I wouldnt fuck em because most of them are dick hungry and talk about stacy shit in public
Plus I want a pure gf
I met some qt identical twin today as well and she wanted me to be her tutor
Thank god for college English classes being filled with women.
and that public speaking class I took so I can talk to people somewhat normally
Don't mention it, anon. Just doing my job. Best of luck to you and your father again.
I know this feel, it's an interesting one. I'll pass the shots around as people come up for them, cheers mate.
>Even barkeep gets rused by lesbians
This is why I love you barkeep. Ill just slide you a 20 for that no need for a drink
Nobody deserves to be stuck with me desu
Alright brobots, I'm getting exhausted. I'm gonna do last call and pack up my things in 8 minutes so.. 12:50 AM EST. If any anons want to take my place after then, feel free. It's been a pleasure serving you guys tonight.
Coming right up, anon. Got a story to tell?
Almost a year since we've kissed the last time and she came back with her boyfriend and well i felt like shit a lot at the beginning but I was starting to overcome it, accept it. She starts sending me them fucking mixed signs, I try not to fall again since you know I was fucking supposed to have overcome it already
But then I dreamt of her again two nights ago and it was the happiest I've ever been in real or dream life in years. fucking shit it was amazing. and there I was waking up in a mess
And wouldn't you fucking know it she started talking less and less and acting like if i was bothering her all of a sudden. stopped talking to her and here i am, pissed off at myself for being this much of a faggot to somehow let these feelings grow again and being sad again because of her. fuck me. i brought this on myself. always overthinking shit. always paying attention to pointless fantasies. the envy is poison faem. I need to stop this shit now.
A quick question for those of us still drinking in here.
Do any of you see misfortune as a form of divine punishment, do you embrace it in the hopes that someday you will be atoned for whatever it is you have done?
Well, enjoy the tequila. If you weren't drinking alcohol I'd recommend something.. trippier if you wanted an extra vivid dream, or go for a lucid dream if you're capable. Put all your creativity into those good memories and you'll wake up with her completely out of your system, I think. Best of luck, anon.
Not necessarily, but I like to imagine sometimes that when bad things happen, I deserve them. I like to think that maybe I was an absolute cunt in a previous life or something, which is why my life is so painfully awkward and mediocre now
A fellow tender, eh? Your timing couldn't have been much better, this is the last drink i'm serving tonight. Do enjoy it, anon.
It's time for me to pack my shit for the night, I have to be up in ~5 hours. As I said, it's been great serving all of you. Godspeed, robots.
Bartender, you're literally a fucking saint of r9k in my book.
Thank you so much for spending your time with us robots, giving us encouragement and listening to our problems. I know it's all pretend, but this really has helped me feel better.
I know you won't read this, but I want to post this so someone out there knows how I feel.
I'm going to become a succubus incubus
eating the harmers would be fun
Absolutely, any barkeep working graveyard shifts is automatically based.
Checking my double dubs real quick, first robot that asks for a drink is gonna get it on the house.
I've got about 8-10 months left. Juvenile Huntington's.
I wish it were pretend, anon. This genuinely makes me feel happy. I'm glad that I can do something to improve the lives of my fellow robots.
Hey bud. It's possible your parents feared for you more than your siblings because you DIDN'T seek help. Fear of the unknown, not knowing what was going on with you, that sort of thing. It can be frightening having a child that doesn't need you, for many reasons. I mean, I'm sure you do need them, but they don't know that. They should, but eh.
>I just remembered that when I was 15, I sang the entire Modern Major General song in front of the class
WHY COULDN'T I HAVE DEVELOPED THE SOCIALLY ANXIOUS PART OF MY AUTISM SOONER
Oh, fuck, that is crushing. I will keep your soul in my prayers. I don't know how much it will mean to you know, but if I have any help to bring you comfort ever, it would make me feel good to have helped someone who has been so good to us.
I've been thinking about a girl every goddamn day for the past month since new years eve. I have her number; the problem is that she's best friends with my best friend (her ex) and they tell each other everything. she even texted him about me texting her asking to hang out and how weird that is, but that was a year ago. Idk what it is about her, shit......i could use some advice anons. also, a glass of whiskey on the rocks please, im a great tipper, i assure you
Hey Bartender, when you get there, can you say hi to Robin Williams? I always wanted to write a letter to him. I will take a blue moon. Things are pretty good so far. Food in my cupboards, money in the bank, vidya to take mind off of uni and so on.
Hey Barkeep, if you really are going to die, I want you to know that you and everyone who roleplayed in this thread are great people. Taking your precious time to come here and make me and other people feel like they are between friends, it's something that no one ever did to me in my entire life time. You are truly a fucking hero, you probably saved many lives here with your advice and companionship.
If there's a afterlife, I want to meet you there when I die, nobody will ever forget what you have done here. Enjoy your last months and die peacefully, you deserve a rest after all.
Here's some Lagavulin 16, on the rocks.
It sounds to me like she doesn't want to let him go. I would advise you to try to take your mind off of her. Go to the gym, hike up a mountain, go speed dating.
Blue moon, eh? Here you go. Sounds like you've gotten life figured out. Pull up a stool.
German Bartender here, off-duty.
20 Minutes until I go back to wagecucking.
I will have my usual gin and tonic.
What am I up to? Chatting up some finnish admin girl that will most likely shoot me down for not being on her social and economical level.
Attention is nice while it lasts...
I just want a gf again. My country is turning to shit, i want to divert myself.
Did you know for every woman in the age bracket 20-35, there are 1,5 men?
This. Is life on hardmode.
Alright, settle in. Here's the usual. Try to make her think your status doesn't matter. Either don't let her realize she's too good for you, or make it appear you're working hard to be at the top. That's what'll make you stand out from the other shitheads.
That game is easier to be played if i actually meet her in person (I can fake superiority through tallness), but I am far from that. Well, time will tell. I found that dating sites are rather easy to manipulate when you just act chaddish.
It's sad you cant show women your true personality (Caring, Loving, Intellectual) - They'd rather prefer Chad. Well, 2 can play that game.
I know it's stupid but I just really wanted to thank you for making these threads a regular thing. It always made me feel less alone.
I know it's stupid, but I feel so saddened by your sickness. I don't even know you, but I'm so depressed that a genuinely good person like yourself has to go through all this bullshit. I'm so sorry for getting worked up over this. I just haven't felt very much lately.
Here's a song for the jukebox.
I think a lot of you might be able to relate.
Keep on keeping on guys, things might not get better but you might find happiness in small pockets.
Last time I ordered a drink from a bartender, the bitch never got me my drink. I'll have a Arnold Palmer. Put the red pill in it too please.
Tell me a story before I go in for the night.
If the bartender isn't here I'm sure you can help yourself. Just don't take more than you can drink friend.
Don't worry about it, just put it on my tab.
Do you want to hear the story about how I got revenge on some bullies who slashed my mentally challenged sister's bike tire?
>It was an ordinary October Day
>the leaves were turning nice shades of orange and the breeze was turning bitter
>my sister and I usually rode our bikes together
>one day when we're riding some fuckers in a cul-de-sac start harassing her
>one of them got a pen knife and pierced her tire down to the rim
>she gets off her bike and starts crying as she wheels it home
>a deep and harsh anger burns inside me
>the Renaissance Faire had been through town a few days ago
>mom usually buys me a wooden sword and shield set since I was so obsessed with Zelda at the time
>would practice all of Link's moves and shit
>decide that I would go back and make them taste justice
>in retrospect I should have gotten my ass kicked but my luck was especially high that day
>walk over to their place with my shield and sword at the ready
>two of them see me and start rolling towards me on their rollerblades
>they fall over each other and skin their knees and start crying
>the biggest one of them all grabs a broom and approaches me foreboding
>he swings and I jump out of the way and hit the broom with my sword
>the head cracks and he readies another assault
>this time I raise my shield and stumble when the broom hits wood
>the broom head splinters and skids across the driveway
>I jab at his stomach and he falls over and tells me that he's gonna get his mom
>at this point I gtfo and run home, quickly putting my weaponry away
>his mother never came after me and we got a new tire/tube for my sister
>justice was served and luck was on my side that day
>20 y/o kissless virgin
>intern as a technician at a shitty Chinese company
>pays $300 a month
>currently am at a sewer plant
>student loan debt over $15k
>wake up everyday thinking about it
>contemplating suicide for the past month
I think I left the keys at my bike because I was rushing to go to work. Just now I see my bike was there at the parking lot. I'm worried someone took my keys and waiting for the perfect time to steal it. There is a shuttle.
couldn't go to college this year because my license isn't valid in this state and im too much of a pussy to drive without a license....
count yourself lucky you actually have an education.
Is there a lock or something you can buy for now? Kind of lock the tires up or can you push it somewhere? If it's heavy try asking a co-worker and explain the situation.
>too much of a pussy
No anon, that's respecting the law. As childish or cowardly as it sounds it's better to be safe than sorry right? Would you rather have a fine or miss a year of college?
Personally I'm missing a semester of college since I didn't have enough money to buy a bus pass for the semester. Planning on going in the summer after I work a seasonal position. Vying for something more secure so I'll bust my ass
Oh yeah? What were you planning on getting into?
I've heard lots of horror stories of student debt but 15K doesn't sound too bad. Can you hack at it slowly? Try picking up more jobs and stuff, just part time so you don't have to work too hard.
Unless you've got debt collectors breathing down your neck.