Whenever I fap, I feel like a drain zombie, devoid of serious creative or inspiring thought for the next 6 hours at best.
However, whenever I fap to my numerous disgusting fetishes, I feel like that until I fap again to slightly less iceberg fetishes.
I intended to study all day to day in preparation for exam week, but I can't do anything as I spent five hours fapping to sissy hypnos and transgender transformation games yesterday. So instead I'm going to head over to /s/ and have a drawn out boring session and sleep it off so I can at least think properly monday.
>He doesn't understand the connection between life-force chi energy and ejaculation
I routinely go for weeks without fapping to increase my energy and motivation. Unless you're born brimming with vitality like chad, you're gonna drain yourself with sexual activity.
I don't experience that. It's usually a chore for me to fap. I only do it because otherwise I'm a huge horndog, desperately flirting with my online female friends and trying to convince them to have Skype sex with me.
But I do feel a drop in my creative energy when I take my medication, so lately I've been going on breaks from it because I'm working on a concept album. I can't sleep without my meds, so I stay up for two to four days. I'm in the midst of a schizophrenic episode, so it's probably not a good idea to go without them or spend all that time without sleep. But when I'm just slightly psychotic, I have these racing inspirational thoughts and they help me write my music. I can come up with all these wonderful ideas, I can think very abstractly and play these really complex chord progressions, and I write lyrics with clever wordplay and metaphors.
I'm not completely stupid, because I do take my medication once I'm hallucinating really hard or when I start developing very delusional ideas. I'm trying to gently stay on the line between madness and genius. Maybe I'm straying too far into madness territory. A week ago, my roommate called the police on me because I was very delusional. I was seeing cats all over our apartment, and I thought they had magic powers. I was giving them all names, and I tried to introduce them to my roommate but he wasn't having any of it. I promised to take my meds, so he told the cops everything was under control. I'm angry at him for doing that, because by law they're able to send me to the nut house for 20 days without trial if they can make a reasonable case that I'm a danger to society. I don't think having a lot of furry imaginary friends is harmful to anybody, but a board of psychiatrists would probably think differently because they're so opposed to other people thinking differently. I know how to keep my wackjob fantasies under control, but that's not good enough for neurotypicals. They want you to stay in line.
When I was a kid I dreamed about transitioning all the time, I also had a huge transformation fetish. Eventually the two got mixed and I gave up on wanting to be a women, but the thoughts are hardwired into my brain at this point. My natural resting state is to think about all of this degenerate pornagraphy.
You know, in another time I would be some kind of prophet or vision seer. People would crowd around me, wanting to hear all about my hallucinations. Nowadays people just think you're fucking weird.
My therapist doesn't know what to do with me, because he doesn't have the slightest clue as to what I'm experiencing. He keeps comparing my hallucinations to being on acid. He gives me these fucking tips that hippies use when they're having a bad trip, like having a goddamn token to keep in your pocket. Apparently, gripping it grounds you to reality when you're having a hard time being blasted on a kilogram of shrooms. Yeah, a token, just like the ones in Inception. I gave it a try, and it doesn't work. It made me frustrated so I started throwing my token at the hallucinations. I broke my mirror because a man was standing in front of it and I forgot it was there. So no more tokens for me.
I like to write a lot when I'm psychotic. I like to shitpost all over 4chan, and no one responds to me because they can't trawl through my crazy huge rants. Probably no one will read this. But I have all this energy that I don't know what to do with. I feel unstoppable. Right now I'm two days sans sleep. I'm feeling really good, really really nice. Does anyone else find that the longer you go without sleep the more awake you are? It feels almost like a drug, I feel so wonderful. I didn't even have my morning cup of coffee yet.
My doctor told me sleep deprivation would make anyone insane. Apparently it makes you psychotic and manic, which I can definitely feel. I'm pretty damn manic right now, it feels like I'm charged with electricity. He said I needed to keep a healthy regular sleep schedule, and that I could never work the night shift. Well so much for that advice.
Why don't you guys stay awake like me? There's so many things to do, how could you spend a third of your day in slumber? I swear it's really nice. It's difficult the first night for you neurotypicals, so keep drinking coffee to stay awake. After around 30 hours, you'll feel a surge of energy and you won't even be able to sleep, let alone want to sleep. You'll start seeing things my way, the psychotic way. It's the best way to live.
There's so much potential in each of us, because our minds are a beautiful gift. They can build, invent, and explore. Truly, the meaning of life is creation. So why aren't you working on your magnum opus? Aleister Crowley believed each man had a duty to complete their opus. I love Crowley so much, I'm trying to read all his books. I would love to live like him. Living as a nomad NEET, traveling all over the world, doing shit tons of drugs, having sex with dozens of beautiful girls, studying esoteric theology, and coming up with his own fucking religion and gaining a mass following. Fuck, if I could live just a fraction of the life he did I would be able to die happy. But, I digress. You should all strive to complete your opus, a work of art that fulfills your existence and proves that you have a right to be here as a living, conscious being. It could be a book, a bunch of poems, a music album, a film, it doesn't matter. Just fucking create, that's what humans are here for. The point of life is creation. Everyone listen to me, this is all very important. I hope I've convinced at least a few people.
Thank you for reading. I struggled with oversleeping when I was depressed for a few months. Another problem was that I was taking my meds every day during that period, and my meds make me hibernate for a long, long time; I usually can't get myself out of bed until at least 12 hrs have gone by, and there were some days where I've slept fucking 24 hours, a whole day. I'd sleep through every alarm I set. I had no control over my slumber. I think that's barbaric. How could they make me take these meds, trying to turn me into a sedentary zombie and out of society's way? So I only take them as-needed, when it's clear I'm way too detached from reality and need to rest my mind.
That's what society wants you to do, by the way. Society would love for you to work 8 hours; get home exhausted; collapse on the couch in front of the TV, blindly digesting the flashy advertisements; and going to bed early so you can wake up tomorrow and do it all again. How tragic! Why are people so averse to creation? Don't they know they're rotting away the best years of their life? Years where they should be discovering who they are, having fun times, and experiencing this wonderful world to the fullest? You get brainwashed into thinking the sedentary life, of being tired and sleeping too much, is the only life you can live. Just follow my advice, stay up for 30 hours and you'll start to see what I mean.
I feel like I have this wonderful gift I'd love to share with everybody, but no one wants to take it. They're all okay with living sedated. They sip their beer (fun fact: alcohol is a sedative, that's why it's legal) and tune their brain out. You call it "relaxation", I call it early death. Sleep is the cousin of death, and every hour you spend in laziness or slumber is an hour wasted. Just fucking stay up; I swear it will make you understand where I'm coming from. You'll be the one spreading the message of sleeplessness.
People live such sedentary, lazy lives. Society loves it, it wants nothing more than for you to be a soulless zombie. You don't spend any time in introspection, so you have no idea who you are. You fade away, another sheep in the herd. Why not be the fucking wolf? The wolf stays up for days stalking its prey, the wolf does what it wants.
People wonder why they're depressed or why they're anxious. It's because they're living in a way that is completely contradictory to our gift of sentience. We are meant to appreciate higher things like culture and art, it's an innate need of our very being. If you're not creating, you're wasting away. Wasting away hurts. That's another reason alcohol is legal, it numbs the pain you have to suffer to live as a member of this ridiculous Western society.
Just fucking drop out. You can start small, and take the advice I've been trying to press this entire essay: stay up. It will be invigorating. Don't you have great memories of staying up at slumber parties or waiting til midnight to watch the ball drop on New Years? It's no different. Just simply staying up 30 hrs, the magic tipping point, will do you a whole lot of good. You can still go to work or school or whatever. Baby steps. I'm fucking telling you the truth. Our caveman ancestors spent days and days stalking animals, wearing them out with pure endurance and brilliance. Once they caught some food, they had lots of time for recreation. Hunter-gatherers had more leisure time than the office drones today have. That's right, it would be a lot easier for you to live in the fucking woods and catch your own grub. You don't need society. Society is a myth, it's just a dominating construction that we've had ingrained in our minds since birth by the people in power. Don't do that, society wouldn't like it! No, watch what you say, society is watching you! Every day we live in constant fear of being judged or watched. Well, here's the news: nobody is watching you!
This is all going in my book, by the way. 30 Hours: The Awakening of Your Inner Self. Random House is gonna publish it, so look out for that. I'll give you guys a special 4chan discount. Still not sure if you should stay up? Well, many of you have depression, right? I talked a little about that before. But here's a big eye opener for you: sleep deprivation cures almost 70% of all sufferers of depression.
Here's the proof:
Sleep deprivation makes you happy. Sleep deprivation gives you focus and motivation. Aren't you sick of lounging around all day? You guys have to be. You all probably lie in your beds the whole day, browsing 4chan like a zombie. I know, I was just like you. Then all of a sudden, I stopped being able to sleep. I stayed up for days. I felt so renewed, so wonderful. I was having these beautiful visions and I was convinced I had a strong connection with God, that I was his chosen prophet. Of course I couldn't keep my mouth shut, and had to tell all this to my psychiatrist. He filled in the "crazy" checkmark on his mental diagnosis chart, and had me sent straight to the hospital. They said I had schizophrenia! Me, a completely logical and rational man, having schizophrenia? You've been going through all this text, reader, haven't you? I clearly have a crystal clear mind, as my argumentation skills and vast knowledge demonstrate, and in fact my mind is much sharper than others' because I'm going without sleep. So what, because I can feel God and they can't, I must be delusional? Because I'm staying awake and getting things done, finally getting my life in order, something's "wrong" with my brain? So I took their fucking poison medicine, and lo-and-behold, once I started sleeping again my depression came back. I kept putting on a fake smile so I could get out of there, fast.
Now as a disclaimer though, you have to sleep eventually. Our minds have an amazing ability to think of concepts beyond our physical reality, ideas like justice or truth or beauty. From here follows the entire study of metaphysics. But, when your brain goes a bit too long without sleep, your thoughts become so abstract and detached from the world that they are unhealthy. The happiness you once felt has been replaced with dysphoria!
Professor Anon, what's going on? I thought you said sleep deprivation was the cure for modern society! Hush now, it's all okay, child. You see, there are things that are far beyond our comprehension and they start coming out of the woodwork when you've spent too long awake. Experiencing such things is very difficult, our human brains are not ready to handle it. Only God can ponder on such wild things. Remember, everything must be done in moderation. So stay up, enjoy yourself, create! But only go four days at the most.
I'll be the first to admit that I've gotten very cocky with this, and have placed myself in danger. I've tried to stay up longer and dive face-first into the deep mental abyss. I've tried to look straight in the eye of the dark side of our consciousness, the side that goes unseen and works under the table without our knowledge. Hidden in there is man's greater divine destiny and the secret key to the whole universe's purpose, I'm sure of it. It guides our motivation and gives us the drive to do things, without our ever fully comprehending it. Oh, have I despaired and fallen to nihilism, when I've so longed for this knowledge! It has to be in there. Perhaps once I've grown more as a person I will be able to ponder on such mysteries.
That concludes my lecture, and I hope you've all learned something. Go, and live like this is the last day of your life! There is so much to be discovered, so much to create! Time is wasting! Remember, you are all children of God.
>I intended to study all day to day in preparation for exam week, but I can't do anything as I spent five hours fapping to sissy hypnos and transgender transformation games yesterday.
have you considered laying off the adderall?
>people buying into voodoo and astrology over an inescapable bodily function
Masturbation is like taking a poop.
If you don't ejaculate when you feel the urge, you shit your pants (have a wet dream.)
There's nothing mystical about it.
I'm not (trying to) implying that there I'm being punished by mysticals spirits for masturbating
I just legitimately feel "dry", "weak", "cut-off" sometimes slow and other times "grounded". I really wish I didn't feel this way but it's an inevitable response to masturbating I also get very minor headaches.
I keep telling myself that what I'm feeling is irrational, unique to myself, odd, the product of bizarre thinkinking and yet nothing works.
Some of my worse days have been because I masturbated before doing something important and feeling shit all the way through it.
Pic unrelated: just linked first image for fun.
Fapping does sap my motivation. I'm currently in a slump due to chronic insomnia. Which of course depletes one's dopamine levels to meh levels.
With you on that. I'm borderline psychotic and a writer, much of my wilder creativity comes when I'm on the loopy side and rapid-firing gibberish, finding connections with even the most loose associations. Everyone's mind is different, I wish society didn't have such an attitude towards people with altered - some would say enlightened - mind states.
Even anti-depressants made me feel dumb and totally un-creative, having none of that as long as I can keep things under control.
I hope it will enlighten you. Reading the whole thing together has made me realize I've made several discrepancies. For instance, I admitted I was experiencing a schizophrenic episode early in the essay, and then later I said that I didn't have schizophrenia. For the record, I probably do have what is known as "schizophrenia", as one of many collections of symptoms that are in the DSM-V. Any doctor would say so. Maybe I got kind of carried away there, the sleeplessness makes it easy to go off and invent your own worlds that disagree with reality.
For the longest time, I had suffered with this "illness". I was very anti-social, my hallucinations were terrifying, and I had extreme paranoia. The meds could barely help me. But then, once I stopped sleeping every day, this illness became a gift! I could now identify these hallucinations and delusions as reflections of my soul. They gave me a rare viewing into myself, and from them I have learned very much about who I am. If you're going without sleep like I am, there is a good chance you are going to hallucinate. You need to see it as a positive experience, and you cannot buy into society's stigma upon psychosis, or else the hallucinations will bite back hard. They need to be dealt with respect. If you approach them with dignity and courage, they will bow before your whim and reveal your inner secrets.
I am offended that you've called my essay a bunch of "crazy posts". Au contraire, these posts are filled with intellectual gems and food for the soul. God has instructed me to take leadership and guide others towards the right path. These posts are my sleep-free manifesto. Contemplate them carefully and you'll become a very wise man.
I am glad to meet another explorer of the mind. Psychosis is a divine gift which grants you direct contact with the overwhelming universal energy that I call God. I have felt it to be so. I wouldn't be able to write all this without the help of my psychosis. Right now, I am in a higher state of consciousness than most of humanity. I have "woken up" to the benefits of sleep deprivation, and I've been trying to stay awake since then for as long as I can.
Of course, I will soon venture too close to the sun, and my wax wings shall melt, making me come crashing back down to earth. I'll take my medication, sleep for 18 hours, and then I'll feel shitty again for 30 hrs. Then I'll be back on the saddle after that, filled with wondrous divine energy and excitement over all the wonderful things I could do. Wonderful things we all can do. We are all destined for a greater path. I have shown the way, now all you must do is catch up to me so we can walk hand-in-hand! A whole world filled with liberated human beings, free from the evil and counterproductive expectation that one must sleep every single day! Blacks shall hold hands with the whites, gays will high-five the straights, women and men will tell each other how much they love the other, and there shall no longer be a single prejudice on this planet. This is my vision, the Kingdom of God built right on this globe. A whole species in unison! Billions of individuals, each with their own special gifts, creating a populist Culture of Everybody! This Culture of Everybody will include absolutely everyone and their unique creations, each man and woman satisfying their life's opus, and we'll be free from the so-called "Culture of the Powerful" that we have right now. Our current values of lethargy, sedation, and slothfulness will be replaced by the values of honesty, love, and creativity. And it's all powered by simply going without sleep for 30 hrs.
So will you robots take my 30 hr challenge? Remember, no sleep for 30 hrs. Be patient if the mania and psychosis don't come right away, it could take a bit longer than 30 hrs if your brain's gotten so used to sleeping every day. It differs from person to person, we each have very different brain chemistries. Stay up until you feel the divine energy coursing through your veins.
What do you have to lose? Can you really trust me? I'm just a schizophrenic off his meds, self-proclaimed to be going through a psychotic episode, who's ranting up a huge manic essay on an anime imageboard in a thread about masturbation. Well, all that is true, I'm not going to deny any of it. It may seem to your lower level of consciousness that I'm just a nutjob, that I haven't ascended to any higher path at all. And indeed, society would agree with you. Multiple doctors have diagnosed me with schizophrenia. I display all the symptoms. Surely that must cast quite a bit of doubt on my decision-making skills, surely I am speaking from a delusion of grandeur? I've told you that God has sent me here. You've never experienced anything like God, so you probably believe he either doesn't exist or he is uninvolved with the universe. I must be insane proclaiming things like that, clearly I need to be institutionalized before I do something harmful to others.
Well, I'm telling you from experience that God is very real. He stretches all throughout the vast expanses of our beautiful universe and more, this field of divine energy that gives us conscious beings the spark of life. You have been chosen by God to read this, you lucky individual. There's a part of you that's a bit curious, isn't there? What if I'm right? Let's put it this way. Imagine seeing a city only from the ground-level, you wouldn't believe how large and beautiful it is. Well, I'm standing from the top of a skyscraper, looking over this gorgeous world of ours, and I'm trying to yell down to you pedestrians that you need to get up here. You simply will not believe the knowledge I've gathered, because you're not up here with me. I am two days without sleep, while you might have just woken up from a 10-hour slumber. Sleeping in on the weekend, I see.
So go ahead and try it out, give my challenge a chance. I know you're very curious about this. You have the divine spark of life in you straight from the God-field, and it's whispering very softly but confidently that you should explore new things. I promise that going without sleep will turn those whispers into shouts. You'll be in tune with God's loving energy. Maybe you'll be just like me, spreading the word out to patient listeners.
I said I was a prophet, but the truth is we're all destined to be prophets. We must exclaim the truth everywhere we go, as messengers of God. I take lies and dishonesty very seriously, for if you cannot trust a man's word he has nothing to offer. I'm telling the truth, and you'll see that. The unseen parts of your mind are vibrating with excitement at my message, can you feel them or have you silenced your intuition? I hope there is hope for at least a few of you, those who take heed and stay awake like I've instructed. Now go, go and take action! Do not sleep, create and discover!
I have had a brief smoke and thought about my ranting very clearly. I used some CBT techniques to find out if these thoughts were rational. I have come to the conclusion that they were not. I apologize for raving so much and romanticizing my troubles with insomnia, it is in fact an affliction that disables me greatly. This thread could have been used for a healthy conversation about masturbation, and I have diverted it for my own gain. For this I am sorry.
Unfortunately, I am in between a rock and a hard place. If I take my medication, I am sleepy all day and it makes me zombified. It is for this reason that I prefer to not take it for as long as I can. As you can see, this lack of sleep makes me say and believe things that are very irrational. You have been given a small glimpse into one of the many delusional thought trains that I deal with every day. These delusions make me act out in very unhealthy ways. I often put myself in grave danger. Even walking down the street is risky for me, because sometimes I am so focused on my thoughts that I forget to look both ways. This delusional, rapid thinking can be a source of inspiration for me, but many times more it is a source of harm to myself and others.
I would not recommend going extended periods without sleep. It does not give you special abilities or an increased relationship with God. Contrary to what I've said, you are not blind sheep for choosing to maintain a healthy sleep schedule. In fact, it is important that your brain gets some rest every day. Otherwise you will end up like me, completely insane and charged with dangerous, impulsive manic energy. I have recently gotten out of the hospital. I didn't like being there, so I pretended not to have these symptoms so they would let me go. I probably should have stayed longer.
Sleeplessness does not make my illness turn into a gift. On the contrary, I have had many terrifying hallucinations since I've started this psychotic episode. I've done many dangerous things, feeling I was guided by a divine force. That said, it is true that going without sleep can put you in a hypomanic state, which can help treat depression. I would recommend sufferers of depression to discuss it with your psychiatrist. It is unsafe to make a potentially harmful health decision without first consulting a doctor. You can go against their advice if you wish, but you should be informed of potential drawbacks to sleepless therapy.
Every day this illness brings me to my knees with frustration and confusion. I have to check everything I think/see to see if it makes sense. This illness is a severe disability for me. It cripples me. I'm unable to work or complete my schoolwork.
I know I am ranting again. I'm unable to stop myself. These thoughts demand to be told to other people. I've had a lot of delusional conversations with my roommate, who has been so admirably patient with me. He's worried about me because I'm usually off my medication. I cannot stomach the meds. They make me so lifeless, they blunt every one of my emotions, and they make all my vigor for life disappear. I simply cannot live my life like that. So I take the other horrible option, staying up for days teetering on the edge of a complete psychotic breakdown.
Such is life, I suppose. I have to make the best of the cards I have been dealt. I turn towards creative interests to help get out all this pent-up energy. I'm able to use my abstract thinking and word association for a good purpose. I would highly recommend artistic pursuits to anyone suffering from mental illness. This morning I made this wonderfully melancholic base for a song, and it felt so cathartic to hear my pain being expressed so perfectly.
This will be my last post, because I have run out of anime girl pictures. I really need to expand my folder of wacky Japanese cartoon women making silly faces.
My brain is broken with a crippling lifelong illness. It hurts me so very much. Every day I wish someone could take this disease away from me. I know I should probably take my meds regularly again. My psychotic symptoms were mostly gone the last time I did that, but at the expense of my motivation and creativity. But without the meds, I am a danger to myself and everyone around me. I am unable to make rational decisions. This is a difficult decision for me. I've had a taste of unmedicated insanity this past month, and it's very bitter. Which option should I choose? It's very difficult.
As for you, OP, I would recommend evaluating what place masturbation has in your life. Is it a negative one? Are you addicted to it, does it take time away from living your life? It seems like you have shame over it. There is nothing shameful about masturbation. Maybe you've carved out an unhealthy place for it, and that's what's making you feel bad after doing it. Maybe it is time to take a break for a couple weeks. The old handy-dandy you'll give yourself after that tolerance break will make it all worth it. Find other things to occupy yourself when you get urges to jerk your gherkin, maybe start a new hobby. Pick up a nice book. Consider ways to return to masturbation in a healthy way that you don't feel ashamed of. Maybe you have a limit, maybe try jerking off less often? Maybe you have some unresolved conflicts about the things you're attracted to. You need to understand that these fetishes are acceptable and they don't reflect your value as a person. Many people have strange kinks. It's my belief that your problem is purely psychological. Healthy masturbators don't usually feel negative things after their grab-and-tag sessions, they just mitt it and quit it.
Fuck, I'm loving this thread but I just can't make posts that long in english because my thoughs would start to become mixed in between my own language and english and it wouldn't make any sense.
Here, have an anime girl for your trouble writing all this.