Who /selfhate/ of /lowselfworth/ here?
>Literally think I'm the most disgusting person I've met
>No matter what I do I still feel that way
>Crippling depression and anxiety to support
>I look at other people and think they're perfect but I am just fucking nothing.
Kill me in my fucking sleep desu.
I consider myself the most spoiled, entitled, lazy and self-loathing cunt that ever walked on this planet
And even worse, I'm completely aware of it, but I have 0 willpower to even make a change
>tfw self hate is fueling my motivation to improve myself
I can't live with myself, but I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself, so I'm changing. Maybe then I'll love myself after I've done some major changes.
I don't have anything but hope.
>Cry at least 3x a day because I feel like shit about myself
>Cry when I see a picture of a really pretty girl because I'll never be pretty
>Anxiety attacks/uncontrollable shaking whenever I have to speak
>Randomly place crying fits. To the point where strangers ask me if I'm ok/insist I sit down etc
>Won't leave bed for days on end because I have a mental breakdown whenever I see myself in the mirror (occasionally)
>Feel like I'm an embarrassment to be seen with
>Feel like no one likes me
>I just want to die
I'm just barely holding myself together right now and that feeling of loss of control is making things even worse
I know this is a common meme but I genuinely think I am the bottom of the barrel in terms of utterly loathsome, weak, shitty people.
>23 years old
>dropped out of university once, blowing my dads money
>he thinks it was because I was depressed and addicted to drugs, really I just got drunk every day and took legal highs about three times then phoned all my friends so they would think I was cool
>have only worked part time jobs
>sucked at both of them
>Mainly due to my own laziness
>looked down on fellow co workers for petty reasons
>currently in university studying nursing (wtf kek)
>failing out like I did with my last degree
>regarded with disdain by classmates and lecturers
>literally act like a shy child all the time
>Judge people on how nice they are to me
>if anyone was to shout at me I would probably cry
>still get drunk every night and fantasize about being someone other than me
>live off mummys money in a flat with nice flatmates I treat like shit
>have blocked my self awareness to the point where I have very little concept of who I am when applying theoretical outcomes to situations
>pretty sure I'm brain damaged from alcohol and inhalants.
i have a fat pig face from a lifetime of sitting in front of my computer eating junk food and smoking weed
i spend my childhood looking up to badass warriors and playing videogames and getting excited about violence and now i'm a weak-willed passive pacifist.
i want to say i have been smote by god for my evil. but i am a hopeless failure according to a wide variety of philosophies and religions.
my mouth is smiling and my eyes are crying. this isn't good.
If it helps, you're not alone. It might feel like it but I think this place is proof that there are people out there just like you who are trying to cope, too.
I don't think it'll be pretty but anyone can change for the better if they keep pushing forward. That we can leave the past in darkness and try to become someone better.
Are you a trap? kek
>tfw reverse trap
>tfw will never be a normal guy let alone an attractive one
>tfw couldn't be a normal grill either
>end up as an abomination
No matter how many girls tell me I'm good looking it doesn't matter because with half of them I'm too shy to confess I don't have a dick
I was trying to have a good day OP.
I can't even do that right. I fuck up everything I try. I can't make friends and when I do they just get hurt.
I have no future, no skills, I'm uneducated and can't even do algebra.
I don't know why I was even born. Someone else could have used my life more effectively.
>tfw looking in the mirror and instantly wanting to die
>tfw therapist tells me to "just accept it anon"
>tfw referred to a gender clinic
>tfw ill never feel comfortable in my own body or mind
i should just die already, shouldnt i?
I don't think I'll ever be loved. I don't know they could. I'm physically disgusting, I'm emotionally fucked up, and I'm a pathological liar.
My self-esteem is in the trash. I never speak up in public because my opinions are wrong and uninformed. I hate talking about things I like, they're not interesting when I talk about them. I LOVE to listen to people talk, about themselves, their lives, their interests, etc. But I can't maintain a conversation, I have nothing to add. I just listen like a creep. I have no friends because of this.
>feel like shit
>tell a person who's not yet sick of me that I feel like shit ask the time
>to start with they give it the 'any time you need to talk'
>eventually I know I'm pestering them and that they'd be a lot happier if I didn't
>they don't really want to talk to me again
>repeat down the spiral
Yeah. Realistically I have it good but I can't help but hate how I look, my voice, etc. Even though other people think otherwise. Doesn't make sense but I guess it doesn't bother me too much since other people think I'm fine.
>''Anon, you're so handsome!''
Stop it mum, lying is bad.
Dont worry guys, I can assure you that Im worse than all of you. Really Im actually much much worse in every aspect. Now you can feel better because I am the ultimate fucking disgusting loser on thhis planet. There is nothing good about me.
You will never achieve my status as the worst person on earth
>tfw many females told me this
>fucking girls in my class voted for me having th most handsome face in class
>still the biggest loser shitlord there ever was
You know it really doesnt help if people tell you you look good and you have no self worth at all.
Thats why I wear a bag on my head now
>tfw need absurdly large doses of meds to function
>tfw have to go into my doctor's office bi-weekly for shots.
>tfw nothing gets better
>tfw my meds cost my parents money we can't afford
>tfw one of my meds doesn't have a generic version
/r9k/, this is the only thing that keeps me sane, but i could just be sad and save my mom$100 a year. i'm gonna fuck my family up because of my emotional bullshit.
fuck, anon. you are me at 17. the ride gets a bit better, but it never ends. you probably won't end up as hon as me though. that's fucking nigh impossible lol.
>implying i'm not the one that needs to be killed
>implying i'm worth anyone's time
i mean why would i kill people who have more of a right to life than me?
>tfw mom says i'm lucky because i'm cute.
impossible senpai. you aren't a tranny at least.
>feel sick and angry whenever I see myself in the mirror
>get angry whenever I see attractive people
>so disgusting not even self improvement will work on me
trans too? tfw i didnt even know being trans was a thing until a few months ago, i wish i could have started earlier... right now i wish i could even start, im going to the clinic on the 10th to hopefully start, if not self medding it is. if it doesnt go well with it all ill just kill myself, its about as easy as that
also tfw "you are starting very late" rip me
good luck senpai. from what i can tell age really doesnt factor in after 16. i went on blockers at 17, and i was fucked from the start. you'll probably end up better than me though. i know most of /mtfg/has a higher chance than me, and i started the shit younger than most of 'em.
>tfw can't afford the co-pay for FFS
>tfw that can't even save me
thank you anon, id love to hear about your experiences with it all. id also like to make friends with one too, if you want
also i feel the same, everyone already had a much better starting point than me and ill never end up happy with myself, maybe i can get ffs if someone in my family dies and leaves me money. like thats gonna happen...
Good luck. Whenever I get the high from thinking about self improvement I burn out after a week.
Then it goes back to the same old, except worse because I have stuck in my mind about my futile attempt at bettering myself.
>19 years old
>no friends, never had a real friend
>never been touched by a woman
>disgusted by every facet of my body
>fucked up face, acne scars, blotchy discolored skin, stretch marks, incredibly ugly
>can't look at my reflection or a photo of me without getting upset
>no skills, talents, or ambitions for the future
>terrified of social situations so I just run away from them
>scared to even go to the gym because there's so many people there and I don't know how to do the exercises and I physically can't ask anyone for help
>no hobbies because I'm scared of failure and trying new things
>extremely emotional, cry a lot, cry myself to sleep almost every night
>missed out on my entire youth, never went to prom, never went to a party, never went out with friends, never experienced mutual love
>don't want to commit suicide because I'm only fucking 19 but I feel like my life is already over
I just want a hug, I just want a friend
You fucking mongoloid. You're only 17, wow your life must be so fucking hard. What are you in highschool faggot? You have no idea what the real world will be like you little cunt. Kill yourself.
>I'm a pathological liar
so why should I believe a word you say, huh?
My email is email@example.com if you wanna talk or trade steam or something.
I swear it's real senpai. Wait that sounds like it isn't now. I swear I'm not being sarcastic or misleading it's my r9k email
If you ever got complimented on your looks, you're not ugly, unless it was an aunt or your grandma/mother
People don't say you're pretty unless they really think you are, at least if you're a man ofc
i never said they complimented me on my face, i meant stupid throwaway comments about my clothes or my eyelashes (im a guy) shit that feels like they tried to find ANYTHING to compliment me on instead of telling the truth
>Tfw you've crossed the treshold and are now proud and arrogant for no reason
>not pretending you're a warm and loving person, then completely ignoring her after she starts falling for you
>can't understand why anyone would want to be around me
>not ugly, maybe even attractive
>literally the worst personality
People tell me I "tell it like it is" and then some people, like my ex and only gf, say I'm just an asshole. I don't try to be anything, I just exist. God dammit, I'm surrounded by people and yet so alone
I just want to be hurt for being such a crappy person. Physically or emotionally, I need punishment. It's wrong of someone like me to be so horrible and unlikable and get away with it.
I'm so worthless and undesirable I haven't even been able to find someone who is dedicated to hurting me. I'm going to wind up having to pay someone to do it.