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Cringiest moments of your life, please r9k....
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

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Cringiest moments of your life, please r9k. I need this right now.
My whole life is the cringiest moment of my life nigga.
please greentext some highlights?
it makes me feel like I'm not alone in the world
Don't know if this really counts as cringe-y. But I got yelled at really hard by this teacher who I didn't even have in sophomore year. I was a spergy fuck and had never been yelled at like he did to me and i couldnt handle it, it was in front of a bunch of people too and his wife had to tell him to calm down.
I almost fucking cried there but I ended up going home crying after an hour
Thinking about it everyday makes me want to cry too
>Don't know if this really counts as cringe-y. But I got yelled at really hard by this teacher who I didn't even have in sophomore year. I was a spergy fuck and had never been yelled at like he did to me and i couldnt handle it, it was in front of a bunch of people too and his wife had to tell him to calm down.
It sounds like it was his bad, robro. What did he yell at you about?
He walked by and I thought it would have been funny to call him Jim Carrey because of the uncanny resemblance, thought he would've taken it lightly too
I have not watched anything Carrey related since, and eternal sunshine was one of my favorite movies
>at train station
>lady comes up to me
>excuse me your bag is open
Is this for your /b/ threads?
damn that's some strong... guilt?
me too
I have a bunch but legitimately blocked them all from my memory.

I remember years ago often thinking of things I did when I was younger and cringing HARD but now I just can't remember any of it.
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>be in 2nd grade
>cool kid lives 2 houses down
>he pee's in his bed while asleep
>puts a sock on his dick before bed to aid in this
>so i think its cool to piss in socks at night
>piss in socks and hide them under my bed, room smells like piss, but parents dont really notice, they dont really pay attention to me
>this is the first step in many of my downfall
same bro, literally developed a mental disorder to block this shit from my mind

>teacher in 3rd grade
>getting us to remember the capitals of the states
>writes them on the board
>whole class is reading the capitals and states
>a few kids are outside playing
>i glance out the window from the board to see what the kids are doing
>immediately the teacher screams my name
>"Anon, why are you not reading the board."
>I reply: "I was just looking outside because kids are screaming out there."
>Teacher says: "They are having recess, you are the last person in this class to be looking outside. You scored lower on the test than all these other kids, you are half the reason we have to study this."

>other kids laugh at me for failing test
>I have to stand in front of class and name all the states and all the capitals alphabetically
>i can't do it
>I am pretty good at it, but i can't get every one
>old bitch teacher berates me ever time i get one wrong
Ugh fuck it happened today
>every week get a lift from good friend to the store on his way to work
>finished buying tonight's dinner and a few odds and ends
>call a taxi, get a taxi home from the store every Thursday
>93% it's an old black man named Robert, voice like James earl jones
>comfortable around him, always asks what I bought
>it'd be creepy if it hadn't happened for 3 years straight
>taxi pulls into shaded area infront of me, looking at my phone so I didn't see it
>young woman half gets out, asks if I'm anon who called a cab
>n-no not me sorry, where's robert
>she just gives me a fucking wot look
>"he's visiting his daughter in the city for two weeks..."
>"oh ok that's no good to hear"
>"sir did you call for this taxi?"
>"y-yes I did sorry I'll get in the car"
>drivjbg off
>"where are we headed?"
>"anon street, you have to turn down a dirt road and its around 1k down, then take the second right"
>Robert always knows where to go
>she says this is her first day in town
>"oh really me too"
By this stage I'm resting my arm on the window holding my face
>"ook then, this dirt road or is it further down?"
>"y-yes it is just down there"
>it's not down there
>drive past the first turn
>"ok, this the one?"
>"yep haha sure is!"
>driving up some longass driveway, no cars at the house thank fuck
>"ok that'll be 27 dollaroonies"
>hand her a twenty and a ten
>get out and start walking fast towards this house
>"sir! Your groceries!"
>"oh no that's alright I'm fine"
jesus christ this was painful to read. How do you even get through life?
>Oh no that's alright I'm fine.

fucking lost it
Jesus man, you are so much of an awkward fuck I'll never feel bad about myself again.
Hahaha I got an erection thinking about your failure man. Thanks a lot.
that's abuse. Your teacher should be sacked.
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My head hurts from reading this
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I went to private schools from 4th grade to 9th grade

all teachers were at least a little abusive, I made a lot of them suffer thru pranks and rotten food hidden in their class rooms

Teachers throughout my life have either abused me or loved me

I had one teacher who had me read an entire book to the class because I was so good at reading in 4th grade, doing voices and shit, the girls loved it back then.

I had another teacher in 6th grade who would talk to the principal about everything I said in case something was grounds for detention. Eventually I said that some girl was too ugly to need contraceptives, so I was suspended, but my mom came in and talked to the principal, and him and her decided that because this one teacher had reported me about 70 times without me actually doing anything, that I hadn't done anything.
>He got fired at the end of the year
>i got an automatic A in his class
>I got high grades from other teachers
>I got in to alot of secondary schools
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if this is even half true please seek help
>To ugly to need contraceptives
I've had that said to me before. I don't think that's the cringyist moment of my life, but it's not far off
Similar situation:

>first day of uni
>wake up too late
>I have a class early in the morning
>rush there
>absolutely no one there
>ask guy at gates about class
>tells me where they are
>he actually just told me where the professor's office is
>go into office thinking it's a classroom
>oh shit it's just an office fuck
>professor looks directly into my eyes
>"Uh.. uhh.. I'm here too.."
>"Yes, I don't have all day now."
>"Yeah, I'm from the Ministry of education, I'm one of their younger "worker bees"(I literally said this with the hand gesture), I'm here to evaluate your teaching capacity."
>"Are you sure you're not lost a bit, boy?"
>actually fucking threaten him with a layoff
>he gets angry and tells me to get out
>I said that we need to talk about his manners and his way of teaching
>he starts shouting at me
>says he's sick and tired of "pranks"
>I tell him he'll hear about this from the dean
>this happened this year
>didn't attend the class at all
>I'm gonna fail
>I have to change unis
bumperino for the cringerino
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>Talking to my brother 4 years ago
>We're talking about some funny vids we saw on Youtube recently, specifically this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw3DnhD8Gls
>Laughing quite a bit, I describe the first couple of seconds and then recite the first piece of dialogue and continue laughing
>Mom storms into the room and looks at us like we're irredeemable filth
>She thought we were talking about child pornography
>No time to explain, everybody but my brother thinks I need help for the longest time
>No access to electronics at all for a year
>Eventually everybody just forgets about it because "whoops if it was CP the police would be here by now lol sorry I guess, anon :^)"
Fuck everything
>Take exam
>Barely pass
>Teachers give me the old "Stop being lazy and study, u can do it, u are smart"
>"So what?"
>Go home
>Speack shit of teacher on phone
>She is in the same bus as me, hears every word
>See her, don't know how to react
>Have panic attack
>faint in bus, gets wallet and phone stollen.
>wake up mid steal
>Thief slaps me and says I should have more money on me
>Say sorry
I so wish I was trolling this, but I am not
And you never tried to explain you were just laughing at a stupid animated video?

Shit like this happens to me all the time. Are you also considering suicide?
If his family acted like that do you think they would have believed him? And if he tried to actually show them the vid they might have said that they are not sick like him to watch child porn.
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>First year of high school
>None of my friends from primary joined me and I made no friends over the year
>I was pretty spergy and mostly kept to myself
>Reach last class of the year
>Say 'fuck it' and decide to take a chance
>Ask teacher if I can make an announcement
>'Uh sure Anon'
>I get up in front of the class
>'Over the past year I've come to view you all as my friends'
>People start snickering and looking at each other in disbelief
>I start panicking and slurring my words
>'So if you guys wouldn't mind I'd like you all to write your phone numbers down on this slip of paper as you leave and we can hang out and stuff'
>I didn't realise I was standing in front of the doorway
>People get up and awkwardly push past me without bothering to give me their numbers
>Some people are laughing, most are just looking at their feet or looking at me in pity
>Eventually class disperses
>Teacher is shaking his head and tells me I can go home

Wanted to fucking kill myself for ages. It still makes me cringe. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking
He was being a butthurt faggot who couldn't take a joke. You didn't deserve that.
Thanks, anon. I had a pretty embarrassing school life, but this helps.
What could he even yell for that? I mean what is there to actually say?
lmao I can kinda picture this, anon
It's all good man
Someone someone the king of robots?

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I used to be a loser who wanted to be popular, so i posted all the cringe-worthy Facebook statuses. Made it even worse that few people responded or anything.
>Tfw "like this and i will do a pushup lol :P"
>Tfw "like this and i will rate you"
>Tfw lame statuses and comments about how lame i was
I deleted it all.
I mean, that took some fucking balls, at least. +XP
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>at the bookstore with my dad
>decide to buy Light in August, head up to checkout
>only clerk is super cute - shit - mild anxiety brews
>dad idly wanders over to watch for some reason
>literally leaning over me from behind
>anxiety intensifies
>clerk says she loves Faulkner
>nod in response (my face starts to burn)
>she tells me the price
>i get my wallet and spill coins all over the counter
>give her the correct amount and get change
>"No bag is fine"
>proceed to grab the book and accidentally fling it backwards five feet through the air
>rush over to it, pick it up, and get in my car
>dad stays inside another 30 minutes and doesn't even buy anything
>tells me the cashier was cute
Ouch, this fucking hurts me internally t b h.
>used to play soccer
>played from under 7's to under 12's having NEVER scored a goal (defender)
>5 years, no goals, it wasn't my job to score goals but I fucking wanted it so bad
>started begging my coach to play me as a striker for some U12 games when we were winning heavily
>he said no every time

>one day we get a corner
>we had recently got a new kid who could actually cross the ball so for the first time we could score goals from corners
>"fuck it, I'm going up"
>rush forward, go to head the ball
>miss, ball hits me square in the face
>break my nose, blood everywhere
>the ball somehow STILL goes in the net
>I don't care about the pain, the broken nose, the blood, I lose my fucking shit
>we're already 4-0 up so the right thing would have been to quietly celebrate and continue with the game
>I rip my shirt off and fucking sprint to the corner flag
>punch at the flag Tim Cahill style, blood still all over my face
>running past the opposition fans parents and start shouting shit at them like "YOUR KIDS SUCK", "THEY SHOULD PLAY IN THE GIRLS LEAGUE"
>some of the opposition players get pissy
>I start doing this weird fucking riverdance celebration which eventually morphs into me doing stance moves from Mortal Kombat
>start screaming "just forfeit, SUBMIT!" to the other team

My team fucking winced. My coach substituted me and I started shouting "that's why you should play me up front" about 5 times to him as I came off.

Broke my nose as well. Had to wear a face mask for like 3 weeks. Was the only goal I ever scored. I played through until I was 16.

I hate myself.
>order pizza
>say thanks
>close the door without pizza
Alpha as fuck desu senpai.

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Don't even be mad, that's neklev alpha.
>pitching in little league baseball
>cocky as fuck
>make quips when I strike someone out
>dancing on the mound
>my team has me thrown out of the league
i cried and cried but then my mom bought me Diablo 2 so it worked out
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>I start doing this weird fucking riverdance celebration which eventually morphs into me doing stance moves from Mortal Kombat
fuck man why
b r u t a l

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>Be 11 years old
>Parents take me to a veterans day parade
>meet an old WWII vet
>tell him about Call Of Duty
>he clearly doesn't care, but I just keep talking about it.
>he tries to leave, and I follow him, and keep talking about WWII-vidya
>Mom eventually puts me back in the van.

Hurts just remembering this cringe moment.
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>he tries to leave, and I follow him, and keep talking about WWII-vidya
literally shivered
fuck man even at that age I had some self awareness
>get an xbox360 for christmas in hs
>playing Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter christmas morning
>grandpa thinks it is news footage of the war
>stands in front of the screen telling me about war and sacrifice for 10 minutes in his scary old man drawl while I gun down mexicans

my grandpa hated me.
> Be 15 in year 10
> School holidays finished and back to school
> Sleep cycle was fucked over holidays so I set some alarms
> For one of my alarms on my phone for 11:30 with Two Steps from Hell - Heart of Courage
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRLdhFVzqt4&ab_channel=HalcyonSyzygy
> Decide to add a picture of some porn as the lock screen for when the alarm goes off for some reason
> Forget I had it on repeat
> In the middle of photography class while teacher is talking
> Phone alarm goes off
> Don't know where the sound is coming from
> Check Pocket (BPM is currently 220 fight or flight)
> Pull out phone
> Porn is on lockscreen
> Everyone looking at me
> Cheesy ass music playing as I try disable the alarm
> 5/10 sitting next to me looks at my phone and laughs
> Rest of class sit there wanting to kill myself
> Rest of day want to kill myself
> Dont sleep well
> Months pass and still want to kill myself
> Finally move on but thought still lingers
> Sitting in humanities class year 11 and we watch a video in class
> Song starts playing from video
> Memories come back
> Feel sick
> Finally gotten past it though
> Life is looking up though now, just give it time and whatever happened wont feel as bad.
>Grade 4, 10 years old
>New school
>Have 3 other boys with the name as me (David)
>They are already going by David, Dave, and Davie to separate them
>"Do you have a nickname we can call you so we don't get you mixed up?"
>"C-call me Sephiroth..."
>"What's that sweetheart?"

And so a life of being called Nevermind began.
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>call teacher 'mom'
>she's a guy
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>I have not watched anything Carrey related since, and eternal sunshine was one of my favorite movies
>spend every waking moment from the time I was 16 to 24 fantasizing about being a cute girl and praying to any cosmic force that would listen to change me into one
>tfw i'll never make robots blush and fumble change

I got over it mostly but if I had the chance somehow i'd take it in a second.
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That is pure madness

Probably fake, but still.
>tfw people just stared at me and laughed
>tfw this has been happening since 2010
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>be 18
>go out with friends to a nightclub
>whole school is there
>start dancing with some girl
>we make out on the dancefloor
>filthier, filthier, me grinding against her like some horny dog
>I go lower and lick her cleavage
>I look around
>everybody just fucking staring at us in a huge circle

The scariest thought is that these memories stick around while more valuable ones fade into nothing.
That's better than any of us. The only tits I got to feel up as a teen were my cousins. She hated me for tears afterwards because of the shame.
>these are the thoughts that keep chad awake at night
Absolutely. Don't remember kissing hot girls. just this shame tongue fucking.

Brother I looked like a sexual deviant to the whole school.
>always bad at math
>12 years after high school and can barely do simple multiplication as the years go on
>remember every second of the time I threw a piece of paper with my love confession on the ground in front of my crush and ran off down the road

Being English is suffering.
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>at friend's party
>don't know any of his friends
>as usual sit alone in the corner drinking
>pretty drunk
>cutie i know from college sits on the couch beside me
>make idle talk with her
>not really making eye contact with me
>after a while she says she wants to see the bed here
>very confused
>realize this means she wants to fuck me
>she keeps saying how she wants to check out the bed
>(I know where the bed is!)
>lead her to my friend's bedroom
>she jumps on the bed
>pull down my pants, not wearing underwear
>she screams
>realize I have misinterpreted things
>now she's laughing at me
>sputter "I have to turd is all"
>pants by my ankles waddle down the hall to the bathroom through a crowd of people i don't know

turned out the bed thing was some inside joke
I have another one just for you.

>Go to singapore for work
>Go to Spago at the marina bay sands
>have some cocktails
> 2 women come sit next to me
> I'm 26, these women are 38/39
> strike up a convo
> Make out with one of them in the smokers area
> as we ride the elevator down she kisses me again and moans a little
>Get boner
> both these women now looking at my boner

Keeps me up.
>10 years old
>had to do a speech in front of entire school
>had to memorise it
>got nervous half way through
>'Sorry I forgot'
>Next speaker

For some reason this didn't even phase me. One kid, one kid gave me shit about it, whenever he'd pass he'd say sorry I forgot. Then I said stop saying that and he did. Later became hero of school because I was a rock musician.
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Holy shit, that's the most alpha cringe I've ever read
>live in fear someone discovers my old forum accounts
>live in fear someone discovers THAT video of me i can't have taken off youtube

it's like a loaded gun to my head, never knowing when it goes off. funny I worry about these things when I live just as much in threat of random death, but so goes the life of a robot
>11 years old
>Class has a "living history" assignment where you have to dress up as a historical figure and read a short biography
>Don't know many historical figures
>Dress up at Hitler because it was one of the few I knew
>Ended up dressing up like Hitler and chronicling my rise to power in a class with several Jewish kids.
Man i'm 31. We didnt even have internet until I was 24. I'm so glad I didnt act like a faggot in the internet as a kid.

Now I can do it here anonymously like an adult.
They were staring at your cock waiting for you to do something with it
>I need this right now.
For what?
>start telling him about CallOf Duty
Holy fuck anon I haven't laughed like that in days
35 here. I thank God that i grew up without facebook and youtube. No camera phones either, not till I was mid to late 20's I think. Not as plentiful anyway. All my cringe is locked safely away in my head.
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>go to high school
>have no friends
>try to make friends with the "hardcore" kids (ones that listen to screamo or whatever and dress in tight jeans long hair etc)
>emulate them try to fit in, fail but still try
>end up just looking like a faggot because puberty fucked me but i was oblivious to this
>try to make friends with the burn outs
>invite me to their house to smoke pot
>give me some pipe that smelt weird
>later on learn it smelt like crushed up burnt painkillers
>take a hit of the weed and get dizzy
>take a few more hits and start feeling like im gonna pass out
>pass out on the floor
>whole room is spinning and i can't even get up or make sense of half of what they are saying
>im coming to on and off
>hear them make fun of me for dressing like a faggot and passing out
>feel one of them poking my asshole with a broom stick
>kid's father walks in
>says "whose the girl on the floor"
>i get embarrassed and feel nauseous but don't want to get up out of sheer embarrassment
>eventually i get really nauseous and jump up and run to the bathroom to vomit
>leave immediately after
>avoid them forever
I just got a phone for the first time in my life three years ago.

Dodged a bullet.
I never did find a clique in high school. I was such an outcast other outcasts who grouped together were better off than me.

I had a crush on this short petite goth girl with big blue eyes and rainbow colored hair ( this was before colored hair was a female fedora, early 00's) which was funny because I was the nerdiest white kid ever.

Also this chick who dressed and acted all alternative asked me to ride with her out of town to hang out but I pussies out and told her I never left home without my family.
>was such an outcast other outcasts who grouped together were better off than me.

This was me. I sort of floated about different groups trying to fit in but always on the outside. Tfw can't into friends.
I never even made it into groups.

I was a normal kid with friends but then we moved when I left ffth grade to some little town in the country and I never recovered. I tried to make friends and failed, I couldnt connect to any of these people.
>In primary school, probably about 11
>Friend decides to join the school talent show
>We decide to sing a song together
>Most of the song would be sung by both of us, but one part we'd alternate
>Day of the talent show
>Everything's going fine so far
>Get to alternating part
>Didn't realize I was singing so far from the mic that it was barely audible
>Looked like I forgot the lyrics in front of 300 people
At least I was friends with almost everybody in primary school, so I didn't get teased by people.
Fuck off faggot.

Original comment.
Soccer is for poofs.
>drank an entire bottle of hot sauce because I like the taste
>went to work a couple hours later
>shit myself
>Getting hot and heavy with black boyfriend/fuck buddy (not a grill, im a faggot, faggots)
>bit of dirty talking going on, mostly from him because im too awkward
>he asks me to call him daddy
>I do small awkward laugh
>'Why are you laughing?'
>'Usually its white people who adopt a black kid, not the other way round'
>Why did i say that
>biggest look of u wot m8 on his face
>why did i say that

probably not the actual cringiest moment, but it was fairly recent
Did you bother trying to explain?
Why cant you have it taken off of youtube? Surely if you said some shit about it being there to blackmail you, or you feel suicidal because of it they would take it down?
Jesus Christ anon, did he spank you for that? What the fuck were you thinking.
Even white boys can't resist the BIG BLACK DICK.
This isn't that bad... like another anon said, it took balls.
No, it completely ruined the mood.
I dont know why... I think it was those things where when it pops into your head you think 'this is hilarious, its gonna be so funny i'll seem so smooth', and then as soon as you open your mouth you realise how terrible it is, but its too late
>mfw Jim Carrey literally could not handle the bantz so he yelled at a kid so hard his wife had to stop him

Top kek in this story you're Bart Simpson and he's Seymour Cuckner.
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>be 12 years old
>2/10 as a kid
>elementary school
>school has some kind of tard inclusion program
>there's a specific wing for them
>be one day when I'm dying to shit
>can't hold in anymore
>closer to tard wing
>go shit there
>the door of the stall I'm in has a hole in the lock
>a few older kids come in to take a piss
>they look through the hole from far away
>"holy shit there's an autist shitting here!!"
>start saying how ugly autists are
>mfw I got confused with an autistic kid
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Reminds me of my science teacher in 5th grade. Old bitch would pick on me in class on a regular basis for no reason. She's aged poorly since then and is now a substitute teacher and claims to hate when kids are bullied, but she was a cunt to a few other students in my grade as well. Anyway, story time:

>got really sick for two weeks around Winter break
>had to make up a lot of work for 5 classes
>had to stay in during recess for my history class
>she walks by the classroom and sees doing my work
>think to self about how much I want her to keep walking and not come back
>she decides to bitch it up and comes back right after noticing I wasn't in her classroom doing science shit make up work and mocks me
>when she leaves I look around the class at the other kids that were doing make-up work and they're all staring at me

I liked when we had a substitute teacher for her class. To this day I hate her guts and wish she'd just die.

>mfw she cut her finger with a scalpel early one morning before class actually started
>in class working in a group
>black kid calls me 'white boy'
>call him a nigger
>he cries
>>"holy shit there's an autist shitting here!!"
I don't buy it. Especially if you're old enough to post here.
my mom showed me a bunch of videos from my childhood the other day and it was pretty bad, this was one of them:

>first day of first grade
>all the children are supposed to go up and put their name on the blackboard
>my turn
>teacher says my name, but i just sit there
>start drinking from my water bottle
>teacher comes over and asks me to go up
>keep drinking from water bottle, ignoring her
>she stands there for a while
>"do you want to go up anon?"
>just drinking from my water bottle (it should be empty by now)
>teacher lets the kid next to me go first
>two kids go, i'm drinking from my bottle the entire time
>suddenly decide i want to go up
>go and put name on blackboard like nothing happened
>still not diagnosed with autism

Normie frogposters detected
Mine too.

>>was such an outcast other outcasts who grouped together were better off than me.
This was me. I would just walk alone and sometimes (not very often) get invited into a random group. However, I would just leave the group after a while, either because someone told me to go or because I couldn't relate to the people in the group.

Story time:
>be 16
>class makes a 2-day trip
>almost the end of day 1
>there's a couple of hours to do whatever we want
>everyone must get in groups
>there are two absolute loners in the class: me and one girl who rarely talks
>time to form the groups
>everyone except the two of us instantly know the group they want to be in
>after a moment, even the girl finds a group (she went with some random girls, I suppose)
>still have no group
>end up being paired with the teacher
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>Be dancing with nosering cutie on dance floor in Nightclub
>Show her my baggie of coke, Ask if she wants to hit in bathroom
> She's keen.png
> Get to the bathroom and the lines looong as fuck
> Small talking, realise she's got an accent
> aha oh yeah im from Poland :)
> "oh thats so cool, my dad's from Germany, so be careful it runs in the family haha"
> she stares daggers at me
> Start stammering out " o-oh no its okay ahah, he the ones that hates poles, not me"
>Storms off taking my coke with her
>That was 200 bucks and i had no money for the rest of the night
> Couldnt even Jack it at home cause of pill dick

Still virgo, even when I had it in the fuvking bag. Literally
that's alpha as fk you showed that bitch she has to wait
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>oh no that's alright I'm fine
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fucking hell
I relate to this too much

what the hell is wrong with us anon
during senior year I said cheese when one of my friends who had a lot of popular female friends asked me to take a picture of them

I teared up on the phone when my junior year crush told me that she didn't like me the way I liked her and she told me that she didn't want me to cry

that's about it
why would you let her hold the coke you brought.

holy shit anon
i fantasized about being conjoined to my oneitis in a freak nuclear accident
Back in the van you go.
Anyone else been through so much bullying/exclusion/embarrassing moments that you can't even really remember them all? It's like I repressed most of my teenage/childhood years to allow myself to go on. I just dug out one unpleasant memory and it made my heart hurt, dat emotional pain
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And so was the day of the average swede.
How do you spergs even come up with this shit?
You decide to not communicate with anyone whatsoever.
Then when you suddenly want to interact with people you make an fucking announcement.
It's not "funny cringe" like some stories in this thread. I didn't have "funny cringe". I have had full blown embarassment.

I don't know what led to it, but when I was 11, the teacher had gone out of the class for a minute, and apparently I had gone into a fight with some annoying cunt, because he said "you don't have any friends! name one!"

The entire class looked at me. I couldn't name one because I was afraid they'd say they aren't my friends, and then they'd all laugh. I was fucking completely stunned. At the time I was pretty much a normie and considered myself fairly popular, but no one came to my defence, even though I've been friends with some of those kids for years. I've stayed silent until the teacher returned.

For years after that incident I was triggered whenever I heard the word "friend".

That annoying cunt became a disgusting fucking worthless junkie, but he's still the first on my murder list.
Know that feel.

Last month:

>dancing with course friends
>this 1st year been very cosy with me the past couple weeks, sitting close, putting my arm around her
>dancing with her, twirling her around
>I am also tall (6'3) and she is very, very short. 5'1 or something
>she is 4/10 on a good day but I was feeling horny so decide to just have filthy makeout session her for 20 mins on the dancefloor
>literally just pick her up and slam against the wall and rubbing boner against her and biting each other's lips off
>turn around
>all my friends and even strangers have just stopped, formed a circle and observing me
>realise what I'm doing is making out with an uggo with a huge height difference to me
>run upstairs to smoking area and just chainsmoke until she leaves
>everybody in class makes fun of me for this now
>I smiled and waved at her when I walked past that girl and she just ignored me

The whole thing is cringey.

Last year I tried to be as much of a demanding overly sexual asshole as possible to girls as part of being "redpill" and "alpha", with disastrous results. I would do things like point my finger to the floor where I wanted them to come, etc. Yeah.
He sounds pretty based desu, don't hate him just because he tells truth you don't want to hear

Oh boy. Same feeling, go out with some people including a girl I liked, notice she wasn't really reciprocating, me and a bro break off from the group in a corner to dance with some unattractive chicks. I get some fattie, and at some point I'm rubbing up against her and making out with her. Eugh. I think he saw me and told everyone because my value seemed to have dropped in their eyes after that. Fuck.

This happened multiple times though. Christ.
Just gotta be yourself dude
Bitches will flock to you once you stop trying to be something you aren't

You're right, but I've had so many bad experiences at this point I'm just closing into my shell and avoiding women altogether.
I sincerely hope you get brain cancer.
i've had a few that's depressed me and i think they've made me into who i am mostly- i'm a very insecure person so i kind of just "mk"

>be younger me at park with big sister and niece and nephew
>sits on swings with a girl who i talked to once
>tells my sister i made a friend!
>"oh they must be imaginary"

>Got bullied in year 6 for having head lice
>every time i cried, my bullies would rush to my aid so i would stop crying

>i'm agender and now in collegg
>admits this to teachers
>proper name is used but when misgendered and has the bravery to admit this, is shot down and reminded im a girl
>lovin that dysphoria.mp4
>never speaks up about it

>suffers anxiety often
>when i bump into anyone or anything, i apologise
>if i do ANYTHING
>"i-i'm sorry"
>help me god
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>be 14 or 15 years old
>walking down the street with the only two people who will tolerate my presence, they're not even friends
>recently started manifesting symptoms of bipolar disorder, been in a depressive state and shifting to mania
>I'm visibly disturbed and acting strangely despite my best efforts to control myself
>eventually they stop and ask me why I'm so quiet, what's the matter
>I tell them that I'll sound stupid and they wouldn't want to hear it anyways
>they keep insisting
>tell them that I have overwhelming urges to torture and kill people
>try to explain that I don't really want to, that it's an intrusive and unwanted urge that's just really hard to fight and I'm suffering because I don't know what to do about it
>they look at me like I have three heads and just raped their mother
>they don't say anything
>ask them to please say something
>they don't say anything
>once they leave I never hear from them again, they must have gone out of their way to not run into me
I cringed so hard even while I was saying it, looking back on it makes me want to kill myself
Yeah, surprising that people try to avoid you after hearing that you want to kill people
Staymaway from people you freak
They sound like faggots anyway, you were better without them

kek, shoulda said

"your mom's my friend bro. friend with benefits"
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My every day routine is pretty much pure cringe.

Every weekend for the last 8 years my parents have put a fresh condom on the computer chair and another one on the table next to the front door. They told me 8 years ago to choose between a computer life and a normal life. I chose the computer, now I masturbate into the computer condom and they collect it in the morning before I wake up.

I feel bad but what can I do? I have a mental illness.
I mean, I would've done the same thing probably
>In kindergarten
>Be on small recess for being good at something or some shit
>Really excited about my Jurassic Park underwear.
>Decide to show other boy
>Pull my jeans away from my waist about an inch so he can look
>Girl sees me do it
>She runs back to the classroom to the other kids
>Get sent to principals office, parents called and everything.
>Ridiculed by classmates for the next 12 years.
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Please tell me this isn't real
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>now I masturbate into the computer condom and they collect it in the morning before I wake up.
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A couple of years ago i tried a cold open with a girl on Instagram.
Didn't know her but thought she was cute.
Looking back it was so pathetic it still makes me cringe.
>mfw i will never forget this
> they collect it in the morning before I wake up.

I don't hurt anyone anymore, I'm safe to be around. I have it under control.

thanks senpai
fuck em
most kindergarten kids have the memory span of a squirrel, and at that age, kids undressing themselves in class are a daily occcurence.

Not saying that this story isn't true, but you were probably way older, admit it.
>They told me 8 years ago to choose between a computer life and a normal life.

Masturbate into the table condom and leave it for them to collect

>be in 6th grade
>teacher asks me to go to the board and solve the equation
>have no idea of what to do but don't say anything
>stare at the board for a minute before telling the teacher that I don't know the answer
>teacher seems somewhat mad at me and tells me to think about it and try
>hear classmates snicker and laugh behind me
>be completely frozen
>another minute passes until I literally beg the teacher to help me
>voice is cracking and eyes are watering at this point
>teacher gets incredinly mad and starts shouting at me for never raising my hand, doing my homework properly and not contributing in general
>shouts about the letter he's going to send my parents and calls me a failure
>as I sit back down my eyes burn like hell from the tears and I start sobbing really loudly
>teacher sharply tells me to leave the classroom
>as I open the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur
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Think that's bad, i finally got a girl to fuck me and i couldn't get hard. My mind was racing over thinking everything and there was nothing i could do to fix it. Hurried up and got dressed and basically ran out of her apartment. Never had a problem getting a hard on before.
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I had a lot of cringy moments.
>be me in elementry school
>sitting with other people kids in a circle waiting for afterschool classes
>everyone is talking except me
>I can't come up with anything to say
>suddenly think I can be the cool kid by cursing
>point at my dick and say suck my dick loud enough for everyone to hear
>I was the quiet kid so me suddenly blurting this out suprised everyone else
>room is literally dead quiet
>feels like an eternity of silence
>just notice my teacher in the corner
>can literally see her face contort from how slow everything felt
>she says who said that
>everyone is still dead silent
>too scared to say anything but they still all look at me
>everyone sits in silence for another eternity
>I'm sweating fucking bullets
>bell rings
>everyone rushes out of the room
>everytime someone brought it up I kept saying I didn't say suck my dick I said some su muh disk
>laughing stock for the rest of the year
>Is 17
>brother lives about an hour away by bus so I barely see him
>Comes with newly bought PS4
>Tells me to hook up the HDMI cable to the tv
>Doesn't know how-- doesn't even know where to plug it in
>tells him that and gets fucking yelled out
>goes upstairs to cry bc i fucking idolise him and i feel like a worthless failure
>skip about two hours later, goes downstairs and brother is still there
>he yells at me again
>feels fucking heartbroken
>anxiety and insecurity spikes up
>depression spikes up
>week later we're friends again but his comment still eats me up inside
>really isn't good for anyone

i want to die, anons

Are you Gollum?
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Still could be worse. Originally commented.
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Or this orginal comment.
>be born
Don't get me wrong, i fit into the normie category but sometimes i have some sperg moments
holy crap
your dad tho
i bet you're a cute fuckboy aren't cha
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>took online course for web design at my CC
>was pretty good at the assignments, but it took me four hours
>few weeks past by, the teacher failed me for several assignments
>first failure was for literally forgetting to switch to the project extension index.htm to index.html
>repeated next week, same issue though I made sure to change it
>even emailed her about it, but she was indirect and didn't believe me
>happened again the next week, but same issue
>decided it was my computer for some reason, decided to do work at college lab
>my student advisor schedules an appointment to discuss my grade
>she reaches out to professor
>dean gets involved asking her if the work as right saying it might be a technical issue too
>it was
>ensuing shit storm
>have to resend all my assignments
>return files for her, forgetting I actually altered one for practice before rebooting
>she claims academic dishonesty on me
>grade slips to an D due to repeated technical error
>schedules to meet in person, alone
>begins lecturing me off the bat
>panic, mouth goes dry
>my advisor walks in
>professor gets angry, says she has to leave
>says she doesn't because as part of the program I was enrolled in, she has rights to defend her student as a representive
>warns advisor not to speak
>made my points, but, it was all my fault still
>advisor wasn't having any of that
>slipped in, defended me
>turns out an unaddressed feedback and reason for my grade slipping was also due to me not correcting her shitty grammar in the assignments
>Never once addressed that I had to do that
>But again, still my fault somehow
>Advisor apologizes on behalf, tells me that professor was a straight up bitch
>tells me I have to complete the project and test to pass
>spend a month making the most beautiful website for a "FREE GAME" I was making. Nice, clean UI, simple navigation.
>Professor approved the application of it being a free-game
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One I can remember that was more recent:
>at my older sisters wedding day
>its the standard friends and family shit with the reception
>mostly just hanging out on a table with my nan because comfortable around her and she's surprisingly bro-tier
>we're just drinking and watching people pass by and making a few little jokes
>see one of my sisters friends whos pretty cute sit down near us while talking to us
>luckily a drink makes me less spergy so able to actually hold conversation
>says how lucky she is to find the right guy etc.
>few minutes later she leaves and nan looks over to me
>"you should go for her anon, women are very easy to come across at a wedding"
>take my chance by gulping down my drink and finding the qt
>not even as much tipsy since heavy drinker (family knows my drinking resilience) and filled with confidence
>she's out on the dance floor so go up to her and enjoy the company
>making small talk when suddenly one of my jams comes on
>she claims to like the song playing too so get into the rhythm of it
>start dancing like an absolute madman on cocaine like if I was in my room alone out of impulse
>everyones watching me
>moving my feet so much that my shoelaces must have shaken undone
>trip up and start stumbling backwards
>nobodies stopping me and i'm trying to regain balance
>smash into one of the tables filled with champagne and other alcoholic beverages
>everyones staring and hear some laughing as i'm drenched in booze
>panic on what to do at the time to lighten things up
>"g-guess drinks are on me.."
>laughing dies down and its just awkward stares
>dash the fuck out of there to the smoking area trying to hold back my tears
>get a taxi back home and go to bed
>it was apparently being posted about everywhere on facebook between relatives next morning
>nan is always busting my chops about it now and laughing saying she would never forget
>get ripped on even more at family events
Make it go away
>day of test right after website submissions
>150 hard ass open ended questions using theoretical HTML problem solving
>45 minutes of test time
>rush, but managed to score a C
>results come back a few days later for web project
>failed on the grounds that I didn't have a SALES chart on my website
>inform professor, had to call her
>claims I'm lying despite it being publicly available for everyone to see via application, but I'm free to address it with her in another meet-
>hung up
>met with advisor for request
>actually broke out crying due to how stressful this shit was between juggling this along with 4 other online courses
>advisor comforts me
>didn't return next semester
this is pasta

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>poked a girl with my boner in the middle-school dance
your coach was a fucking douche
She liked it

was this cunt's first name Chaz?
you don't belong here
>be in kindergarten
>huge DBZ fan, watch it every day
>Goku is currentlt floating in the rejuvenation chamber on Namek
>go to pool party birthday party for my crush at the time
>in the pool across from her with our mom's behind us both
>floating there listening to our mom's talk
>suddenly decide to say "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Rejuvenation Chamber." before ducking under the water and sitting there.
>>remember every second of the time I threw a piece of paper with my love confession on the ground in front of my crush and ran off down the road
more detail please D0f0
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>6th grade
>the whole class was going on a field trip
>6th graders have to accompany 1st graders
>got assigned with a brat
>went to aquarium
>she started to annoy the hell out of me
>ran away from my presence
>scratched my wrists for some reasons
>i began to cry
>why the fuck am i crying
>teacher separated me from her
>walk with teacher for the rest of the day
>never mentioned it again
>felt ashamed and weak
>fishes and sharks won't cheer me up

one of the most cringiest moments of my life, it won't go away, fucking kill me now
I am not you but i would seriously think about suicide if i were you..
did that kill the mood?
this read exactly like something out of ronnies comic
mocks you how?
You know you deserved that, right?
Im a David.
That's fantastic. I always wondered how redpill looked in real life.
Please leave my board you fucking normie ratfucker.
Superb. More please?
What the fuck is your brother's major malfunction?
You know there's something very wrong with him right?
>tells my sister i made a friend!
>"oh they must be imaginary"
oh and btw god isnt real the world is cruel and shitty, and you gotta man up or ignore your problems until you die

sharks are cool, though
>grade 6 math class
>assignment where we have to make board game incorporating math
>big on sonic at the time, still have genesis from those days
>watched sonic underground and shit
>decide to make sonic math game
>have to solve multiplication problems to move a step forward, do one wrong you go back, 10th question is a hardass one that gets you a chaos emerald, answer 7 and win
>printed pics of sonic characters and taped them to chess pieces as game pieces

Kill me, my teacher thought I was a tard.
I don't know where the cringe was in this essay, but if you still have a chance you should go back and not quit because of your fucking bitch teacher
I always thought if I was a female I'd find that type of thing cute. Did you ever get with qt?
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>running past the opposition fans parents and start shouting shit at them like "YOUR KIDS SUCK", "THEY SHOULD PLAY IN THE GIRLS LEAGUE"

Autistic, but alpha as fuck. I hope you fucked them in their faces too.
Never saw her again, it was a one time shot and I fucked up badly. Kill me now.
is that ultraman?
That reminds me of the guy who went clubbing and didn't know how to dance so he just moved to the rhythm doing reload animations for different first person shooters.
at least you played it off with the 'drinks are on me' joke. That made me kek.
No. It's a bad guy from the new Kamen Rider show.
Oh, you mean ghosts?
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Thanks anon, I thought that would at least turn it into a "laugh with me" situation, but it just felt like it killed the good mood because I was redirecting it from the "laugh at my misfortune" situation.
holy fuck i am laffin
>been autistic as fuck since forever
>try and think of a good story for this thread
>mind comes completely blank
>my face when i realize that my eternal wishes of having my mind erased of those memories is slowly coming true with the eternal shroud of emptiness that keeps slowly but surely devouring all those bad memories
It actually surprises me that didn't work. I once dropped a really big soda at mcdonalds and it spilled all over the floor, and I just sort of stuttered 'could i get some fries with that?' and the fucking manager started full on keking. Wasn't that funny looking back but it usually helps things be a tad less cringey.
>remember all my autist memories at shit times
>when I see one of these threads I forget them
>hour later remember, thread is already dead though
>make own thread, 0 replies

There is no escape.
>wow anon did you really just shit yourself?
>well, i did straight up drink an entire bottle of hot sauce just because i like the taste
>oh that totally excuses you from having shit yourself like a baby

og comment my doublenigger
Remind me of when there were three people outright heads on their desk snoozing, and the teacher interrupted her own lecture to nag at me for a slow blink.
>200 bucks and I had no money for the rest of the night
>the rest of the night

You rich bastard.
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>at summer camp talent show, 10 years old
>a "band" is performing
>one of the cooks, a young British guy, spits some grimey bars in the middle of the song, he's rapping really fast
>after he stops, but before the song is over, I stand up and shout in a British accent "Brilliant!"
>the counselor sitting right next to me lectures me like he's fucking Batman or something
>That was EXTREMELY disrespectful, you will NOT do that again, and you WILL apologize
>fantasize about becoming invisible and disappearing into the Vermont wilderness until the talent show is over
>I don't apologize though, fuck that nigga
>dad tells me to get a haircut
>made an appointment for me at the local hairdresser, can't back out now
>spend all day thinking about how I'm going to tell the hairdresser how I want my hair
>everything smells of woman perfume stuff
>qt tells me to take a seat
>asks me how I want my hair
>tell her I want my hair short
>wants to know what I mean when I say "short"
>shit, that wasn't according to plan
>she takes out a magazine filled with pictures of Chads
>oh god I have no idea what looks good and what doesn't
>finally just point at something and tell her I want it sort of like that
>asks me why I decided to get my hair cut in attempt to get idle conversation going
>"my dad wanted me to get a haircut"
>instantly takes her comb and scissors away from my hair
>worried look on her face
>"but do you want it too?"
>tell her its fine, try to smile confidently, fail
>she continues cutting my hair
>silent the whole time
>when she's done I get up and take out my wallet to pay
>hands are visibly shaking
>pay up, receive change, get the fuck out as fast as possible
>just as I'm out the door, she yells "you forgot your coat!"
>go back inside, take coat, say thanks and leave
>screaming internally all the way home
>be in Junior High
>be white sperg, but want to be black and gangsta, like 50 cent
>"ok, better walk like them" (amongst all the other things I would've been better off trying)
>try real hard to walk like them
>end up walking with my torso leaned back, legs wide open like a cowboy and worst of all my arms dangling loose behind me
>look like a fucking retard, pic related
>keep this up for a while because I think it's working, people at school actually think I'm gangsta
>everyone did notice, but for the reasons I was hoping for
>one guy comes up to me
"Hey anon why do you walk like a duck"
>oh shit nigga.jpg
"oh it was my friend from some other place he dared me to walk this way for a while"
>obviously people didn't buy it, yet I knew I had to stop this
>the following few months I do it sparingly to keep up with my obvious lie
I'm a shit liar, but at least they didn't catch on the fact that I was trying to be black, so at least there's that
You're fine, you don't actually get more offended if you are Jewish.
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>that original image
Fuck off
Told her I'd rather play vidya then have sex. She dumped me. It was my only encounter with women in a sexual manner.
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>7th grade science class
>sitting at a table with qt metalhead girl and her beta guy friend
>she drops her pencil
>bend over to grab it for her and let out one of the wettest farts in recent memory
>time comes to a halt, I remain bent over under the table for what feel like an eternity
>as I melt from the embarrassment the gears begin turning and I come up with a plan to bounce back from the fart
>spring up, grab my textbook and begin smashing myself over the head with it repeatedly
>do this for about 30 seconds and stop
>at this point the entire class is looking at me in confusion
>give her the pencil and act like nothing happened
>''Thanks anon...*sniff sniff* do you smell that ? Haha, who farted''

Also for the next few months I everyone called me the ''Textbook Retard''
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needless to say, you screwed up

10/10 top fuckin kek

How old are you now anon
I know. I'd give anything to go back and do it differently. In hindsight this was probably one of the big things that contributed to me having to see the school therapist
Show us the video fag
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>>spring up, grab my textbook and begin smashing myself over the head with it repeatedly
>>do this for about 30 seconds and stop
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>10/10 hipster qt invites me to pool party
>I get super fucking stoned
>hanging around by the pool by myself
>hipster qt comes outside
>we start swimming around laughing and having fun
>suddenly smiles at me and takes her top off
>swims over to me
>pushes me against the wall
>we start making out hard
>her leg grazes my boner
>she asks "Are you hard right now haha?"
>Literally fumble my words for like 10 seconds
>finally say "Haha no not at all"
>The look on her face is absolute sadness
>she gets out of the pool
>dont see her again that night
>havent talked to her since
>still a virgin at 22

Also when I was 20 or 21 some qt 17 year old chick I worked with wanted to fug in the walk in at the subway i worked at. I never acted on it because I thought not fucking a 17 year old was the moral and correct choice.
i broke my colar bone and had to use a sling but still did shit with my broken side with my sling sometimes because it didnt really hurt anymore. group of guys in my class always saying im fine and didnt need it

i stop using it for a few weeks but the doctor tells me i must wear it to heal properly. so i had to go back and put my sling on after not using it. i remember feeling so bad and the guys were all saying i was doing it for attention. i almost cried

a year later i broke my wrist in half and had to have my cast on for like 5 months and a couple people said i was doing that to look cool

thats just bottom of the barrel cringe i have. i cant even type out my real cringes

>10/10 hipster qt invites me to pool party
Stopped reading there. But hey, have your reply ;)
i haven't laughed so hard in a while, thanks anon.
>stance moves from mortal kombat

i love you
I wondered what nosering for way too long until I realized it wasn't a verb
I'm 21. Ill be turning 22 in August. I feel like posting one more story.

>9th grade
>crushing hard on this sceney emo girl
>chat with her and stalk her myspace whenever I can
>realize that she's not the least bit into me and dedicate the rest of the year to changing that
>begin carrying around MyChemical Romance and Atreyu CD's around with the hopes that she'll notice them and fall in love with me
>subtly bring up topics she'd post on myspace about in conversations
>she begins dating some super emo looking kid
>dig up a Witchcraft book out of my dads old boxes and study it in front of her
>''Gross anon, why does that book stink so bad ?''
>begin wearing eyeliner and more black thinking she'll be into me then
>her bf cheats on her and they split up
>think to myself that this is my best chance to make her like me, turn it up to 11 and really carve up my wrists, then use the blood as ink to draw a bunch of stupid pictures on my notebooks
>''Jeez anon is that blood ?! Are you insane ?''
>realize that I'm too brown for this emo shit and that my outward appearance isn't reflecting the real me, that she's probably never gonna be fooled my any of this
>go back to just chatting with her and stalking her myspace
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>Started University this year as a mature student
>In the shared hall kitchen one morning
>Still haven't made friends
>One of the chads is eating a bowl of porridge, probably for fitness purposes
>The chads and staceys are having a nice conversation, I am silently sitting and eating some cereal
>One of them says something about the refugee crisis
>The chad eating his porridge makes a joke about Islam
>At this point I think he must post on 4chan
>Decide to make a 4chan joke to him so he knows we can be friends
>Want to make a 'check your privilege' joke
>stare at chad
>accidentally say it in a really creepy voice
>everyone looks at me
>chad stares at his porridge
>'w-what did you do, anon?'
>I realise he didn't get the joke
>say 'sorry nothing'
>get up and walk off
>hear everyone whispering and looking at each other
>pretty sure they think I cummed in his porridge or something
im actually pretty ugly, ive been told i look like i have down syndrome kek. These things happen to me once in a blue moon, and I fuck all of them up every time
I myself wouldn't have understood that as a 4chan reference
either autistic or underage
By smashing my head with a textbook then acting like I didn't even feel it, she was supposed to be so impressed by my durability that she'd forget all about the fart
>7th grade history class
>sit next to two staceys
>they make fun of me daily for being ugly
>they probably think im autistic
>one day i get sick new shoes
>nike sb's
>thought I looked fly as fuck
>go into history class
>sit down
>at one point the girl next to me says "I love your shoes dude"
>Say "haha thanks"
>they both look over at me and stare for a solid 15 seconds before bursting out laughing
>mfw she was talking to the other stacey
>thought only guys called other people "dude"
>I just stare forward, not saying anything, trying not to cry

>flash forward to senior year of high school
>im at a friends party
>we're all smoking weed
>friends sister invites the stacey from 7th grade
>first thing she fucking says to me is "Weed is so bad for you, you shouldnt be doing that shit"
>Literally what
>Goes on to tell me that I should be doing adderall because its a much safer drug option
>Call her a dumb bitch
>She gets pissed and fucks some chad in friends parents bedroom

I miss high school t b h
>grade 9 or 10 or some shit, this was like a decade and a half ago
>music class
>we have a wide range of instruments to choose from
>mom makes me play the flute because of reasons
>every other guy is playing a manly instrument like a clarinet or saxophone
>just me and a fat Korean kid and then just girls in the flute section
>fat Korean kid takes one good look at me and goes "OH GREAT I'M THE ONLY GUY HERE"
>play flute like a faggot
>not so bad, surrounded by QTs
>one day random qt forgets her sheets for the song
>plays next to me
>playing the song
>inhale through my nose
>suddenly booger drops down my throat and trigger my gag reflex
>go "FOOOOO-EEEEE" with my flute and hit all the wrong notes all at once
>choke a bit
>booger shoots out of my throat and lands on sheet music
>keep playing
>oh god she knows she's seen everything II can't even look at her
>never talk to that girl for the rest of my life
holy fucking kek, this almost sounds like some shit i would have done in 7th grade
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>be me
>15 years old
>degenerate with 0 sense of hygiene
>get invite to a birthday party of a girl I know
>everyones 7 years older than me
>politely tell her no as I`m scared to death
>she gets upset
>her bf insists that I come
>I say I wont

2 weeks later, the party day

>still wearing underwear that reeks of urine
>suddenly her bf calls me
>says he`ll be at my house in 40 mins to pick me up to the part
>he`s 11/10 Chad Alpha
>wtf I didnt know they`d be so insisting about it
>couldnt even say no there in that moment
>mumble out ''y-yes''
>realize my underwear reeks
>only ones i still have
>wash them with soap for 10 secs
>put them in to microwave
>house reeks of urine and soap
>put them on the heating pipes of house
>20 mins later Chad as at the door
>''whut the fuck, get dressed and lets, everyones waiting for us''
>''yeah, her family and entire highschool class SO GET DRESSED''
>too stupid to realize I can just wear my jeans and no one would notice
>still get in to the wet, reeking underwear
>hope it`ll get better
>nope, my body heat is drying them up creating an aura of urine and soap smell around me
>get to the house
>everyones at the dinner table
>30 people there
>the girl who invited says ''aw thanks anon for coming!''
>''s-sure no problem!''
>every time I move, the fresh smell from my wet underwear floats up filling my nostrils
>people on both sides move their chairs away from me in a very slow manner
>i still notice it

10 mins later after everyone has eaten the dinner and chitchat is over


>''thanks for inviting femanon but I really got to go now!''
>''aw you cant leave now the party is just starting'
>her BF Chad looks at me with a threatening face

it`s some game that involved people sitting in other peoples laps

>decidde to roll with it
>game`s on
>something happens, I play along
>her DAD ends up in my lap
this isnt cringe this is alpha
This is probably the most fucked up story in this thread
Jesus Christ, lad.

I'd honestly probably have befriended you after that.
But why did they want you to go so badly ?
god no mate
How had you come to view your class as your friends when you mostly kept to yourself?
Looking at it objectively, it's pretty funny and took guts. One day I think that you'll come into your own and be able to tell the story and laugh.
>he`s small guy and just sort of sits on my knee
>''wtf is this normie shit wtf I`m doing here''
>''i`ll roll with it else Chad will be mad''
>the aura of reekness envelops two of us
>her dad gets up
>runs out of the room, opens the balcony and starts inhaling fresh air
>''IT`S ME'' I think to myself
>everyone sees that
>femanon rushes to her dad
>we can hear ''all`s fine, just got dizzy haha''
>femanon says game`s over
>I go to kitchen to drink some fresh water
>her dad comes in, no one else is there
>''anon, I dont know what`s wrong with you but please, whatever you`re doing, stop it''
>''i`m not doing anything''
>he gets pissed off
>''now, you`re going to in to that room and make up story that you`ve to leave but I wont tolerate you fucking my daughters birthday party up, okay?!''
>''sure Sir''
>we both leave the room
>''femanon, tyvm but I DO have to leave''
>she`s legit surprised, everyone looks at me as I`m making her sad and upset
>''b-but why anon?''
>''my goldfish is on fire''
>everyones look at me with the biggest wtf face on
>she`s visibly upset
>she`s wimpering
>Chad and Dad in dmg control mode trying to calm her down
>both give me ''son you fucked up'' look
>get dressed and just storm out
>''fuck my house is 14kms away''
>its midnight
>walk for the next 6 hours back home with my feet about to fall off

It was a small town with one school (ages 7-19) and just one university so everyone knew each other.
Saw every single one of them in the following week at various locations around the town - I thought I`d die there just from the looks and gazed they gave me.
Girl stopped talking to me - turns out, she always liked me and my ''weirdness'' (turns out, it`s autism!) and as Chad later told me ''she just wanted to bring the best out of you because she`s just a nice person''.
>manly instrument
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haha holy shit my chest hurts from laughing
This is the neo-cringe. I can definitely comisserate with you on this one. I've made some pretty fucking bad facebook posts in the past. It's easy to look back and cringe, but I just don't care any more. Apparently, I thought it was a good idea at the time. Now, I realize that facebook is essentially a massive cringefest and have deleted my profile.

Pretty much any status expressing an opinion is going to be lame or weird or awkward in some way. This is the century that we've learned we don't necessarily want to immortalize everything that we say or think.
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>my goldfish is on fire
>14 kms
>6 Hours
I know right? It looked like they were teasing the tip of a big black cock
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>not the pinnacle of a true alpha males instrument
You uncultured faggot, I bet you haven't got any sort of musical aptitude in your entire being, you're probably just a pleb who follows the generic and talentless "3 strum guitar" culture.
I have the same problem anon
When I was in high school I was home alone one day so I walked around the house singing Rihanna's song "Murderer" in this tone that sounded like a dead cat. No one knows but me and God and that's enough for me to want to die from the cringe.
>go to college
>cool kid in my class who people gravitate to
>ostracises me from the group
>ignores me, looks away when i talk, talks shit to people when im not there etc
>tell greentext about him on /pol/
>he actually sees it
>calls me out in a reply and even uses my name

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>"oh really me too"
>"oh no that's alright I'm fine"
tfw try to tell funny story to class but sperg out, leave out the funny details and just look like an autistic mentalist.
tell us what you said on /pol/

asked if all people of his country are arseholes like him.
I just panicked and didn't know what to say
what was the story that you told about him and what country was he from?
Was he a poo in the loo?
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>be me
>it's 2010 + 2
>Sophmore in high school
>I was really quiet and always kept to myself in a little corner during homeroom
>until this normie stacy from my class and decides to talk to me one day
>I try to ignore her because I don't handle talking to people I don't know very well
>then she hops on my desk and opens up my 2007 laptop that I liked to play emulated games on
>"Haha anon, why do you have this laptop with you all the time!?"
>"uhhh.... I don't know... I guess I like to play games on it..."
>"Oh ok... anon! what's your password?"
>"What afraid I'm going to see your search history!"
>I was really just embarrassed because there was crumbs all over it because I got high the night before and was eating chips while watching youtube or something
>I just close it
>there are now two stacies and they give each other a weird look
>after a minute of silence they ask me
>"anon, who are your best friends? like your top 5? it's me and stacy #1 and 2 right?"
>I say: "yeah.... sure why not...."
>"seriously though anon who are your REAL best friends?"
>I just say "uhhhh..." until they walk away because they know they won't get an answer
>mfw they were telling everybody about how weird and awkward I was
>mfw I didn't speak to anyone at my school for a whole year after that
>mfw I still have no friends
>be 18
>dating girl for three months
>only ever hold hands and hug goodbye
>had enough
>go to kiss her goodnight after a date
>she steps back visibly shocked
>bitch actually was shaking a bit
>wide eyes
>I step back with a smile
>leave without saying anything
>laugh about my life on the way home

She texted me sorry saying we can still be friends but I cut contact with her

eastern european. im /brit/. You think i'd let a poo in loo ostracise, talk down to etc me? I fucking hate indians more than they presumably hate themselves.
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tumblr get the fuck out you fat whore
Me again.

>about 15 or 16
>mom had weird foot massager
>steal it
>put it up my ass
>it gets stuck
>get it out
>it's covered in shit but for some reason I don't clean it
>hide it in a sock
>mom always searches my room
>finds it
>asks me why she found it in my room covered in black stuff that smells like shit
>don't answer
>feel like I'm going to die
>couple weeks later I get in to an argument with my sister
>she tells me to shove another sock up my ass

>11 years old
>think the Undertaker looks badass when he does that tongue flicker thing
>at a tennis event with my primary school
>asked to get up and thank the event organizers
>stand in front of everyone with my teacher
>while she thanks then, I'm doing the tongue flicker
>everyone notices but doesn't know what to say, just try to ignore me and continue with the ceremony

I don't know why this stuck in my brain, because I thought I was badass at the time
Too true my friend

the wet underwear started rubbing against my inner thigh so i had to stop walking after a while

yea, didnt realize i simply couldve taken them off
this is the worst one in the thread. i mean like life ruining
Fuck off JIDF
this is the only thing i can think of right now

>i'm in highschool and don't really have any friends
>some goth/scene girl likes me
>asks for hugs and i always say no
>apparently it got to the point where we were "dating" and she calls me one time during lunch
>i get nervous and hang up on her in the middle of the call
>she breaks up with me over it

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>>pretty sure they think I cummed in his porridge or something
killed it dead, friendo
i knew someone was gonna call me a normie or something

im really not a normie, thats the whole reason i hung up on her
meant to say >this is when im in highschool

the story i posted was like 6 or 7 years ago
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Not the cringiest but still pretty bad
>be last night
>go to mcdonalds because ass hole who needs tendies and biggy mackys
>they are about to close
>order my shit and two drinks(one for a friend i was gonna meet)
>food comes
>im holding two cups one in each hand both full
>need to grab food bad and cups to leave
>standing around trying to figure out what to do
>every one that works there is watching
>they just want me to leave so they can close
>almost drop food
>drop a soda
>soda fuckin everywhere
>grab cup off floor and take food and say thanks
>woman at register is clearly pissed
>she says have a good night
>i start to say thanks come back soon because for of habbit by wagecucking
>stop my self early and just kind of shout THANKS COME BACK!!!
>she turns around and looks horrified
>run out then door and eat my tendies and sammichs like the fat retard i am
>at first party ever in college
>joint being passed around
>people saying "this weed is weak!"
>decide to take a puff to fit in
>never smoked anything before
>take a tiny puff and break into terrible coughing
>my lungs feel collapsed
>everyone laughing at me
>I sit down in a chair and grab my chest
>suddenly notice everything is warm and slow
>I can't remember my name
>everything is streaked when it moves
>lock myself in the bathroom for half an hour, use angry birds to calm myself down
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How about the time I tried to ask my freshman crush out

>be in 9th
>only friend is a nigger
>lately been deciding to wear all-black and a fedora I often used as a frisbee in class
>my fashion accessory was a necklace chain hanging out of my pocket
>10/10 redhead qt sits two seats down
>crushing for most of the school year
>know we were meant for each other
>end of the year, decide to make my move
>walk up to her and her friends before class starts
>she looks up at me with those gorgeous eyes
>can't say anything
>walk away in shame
>hear mumuring as I walk off
>fuck, I know
>enlist nigger friend's help
>we walk back in
>his idea of helping was yelling at me to talk to her and manhandling me
>ends with me in a bear hug being pointed at
>class is silent
>walk off
>never look her in the eyes again
too real

>11 years old
>taking piano lessons
>teacher lives at like 200 metres from my house
>my father drives me there every time because i don't want people to see me walking
>in front of the teacher's house there are two girls i know
>i open the door with the car still going
>i fall while the girls are laughing at me

couple of years later

>at school
>i have to wait after class for the bus that picks me up
>i desperately have to pee
>don't want to go to bathroom because there are other kids sitting near there
>i don't want them to know that i use the toilet
>pee my pants on a chair
>go wait outside


>summer camp
>i don't want to poop because other people could hear me
>keep shit for days
>suffering as fuck
>put a tissue in my pants in case i lose some shit
>one night i can't hold it anymore
>i go to the toilet, i remove the tissue full of shit
>a friend climbs up the stall as a joke
>sees me with this shat tissue
>"i found it here"

years later

>first girlfriend
>she wants to have sex
>she's naked in bed
>i don't want to remove my underpants or she'll see my dick
>lick her pussy for hours with a boner
>eventually lose erection
>she goes home
>i dump her
>tell everyone i had sex
>had to wait 10 years to lose my virginity

it took me years, but now i'm almost a normal person
I once did the mr elephant dance during recess.
The dance was actually called the bare butt boogie in the dutch dub.
I think the teacher scolded me, but no one else really cared.
hahaha get rekt, virgie.
>high school band trip
>at night in the hotel I decided it would be funny to stand on a chair in front of the toilet to take a shit that would make a huge splash
>teacher comes by angry, asks where I am (kids sneaking around hotel because why not)
>uh anon is in the bathroom
>I'm fucking standing on a chair taking a shit and I snicker loud enough for the teacher to hear
people I roomed with gave me shit about the chair once but never brought it up again luckily.
how do you even function in everyday life?
well for most of my life the only person i talked to on the phone was my mother so i got use to ending a phone call with "love you"
one time when I did a phone interview for a job I did since it was automatic for me.
i did the same fucking thing during my valedictorian speech in grade 7.
School was tiny as fuck so not alot of people were there thankfully.
She ignored it and years later married a big sasquatch of a man.

She got fat though.
Thanks for making me feel good about not trying at all
you have a mental illness. please post elsewhere.
This is pretty underrated
>pretty sure they think I cummed in his porridge or something

Stop crying you pussy Jesus Christ your depression is imaginary
Considering he's browsing /pol/, I'd say you've gotten adequate revenge
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>grade 6, age 12
>history period
>be /that/ kid, always awkwardly quiet
>teacher divides classroom in two
>"ok kids, remember everyone has to speak at least once!"
>debate topic was catholic church vs protestants or some shit
>anxious as fuck
>finally my turn to speak
>"ok anon, please defend catholic indulgences!"
>"uhhh, umm.."
>suddenly get this idea to try and make a joke
>'maybe people will accept me now, I won't have to do anything funny for a long time after this!'
>proud smug feel
>clear throat abruptly
>"uhh, well, indulgences aren't that expensive"
>classroom slowly develops into laughter and giggles
>feelsgud until
>"Hahaha, omg, anon thinks he's funny but he's not! He tr-"
>cut off listening to her
>hear "aaaawkward"
>realize everyone is laughing at me, not with me
>class gets quiet, teacher moves on
>still think about it often
10 years ago, still haunts me. I don't get it. I don't know why, I've been cringier, but this hurts the most.
Pahaha jesus christ why is life so cruel
>be me, high school senior
>take sociology because it's an easy A
>first class
>had no friends but spoke to a few asians so decide to sit next to them
>I get to have a nice empty seat next to me, with two nerdy asians to my left, in the back of the room
>I'm gonna enjoy this class.jpg
>class starts, 10 minutes in someone knocks on the door
>it's some autistic asian kid that looks like he's 22
>he decides to sit next to me
>he spouts SJW the entire year, shit about "heteronormativity" being extremely oppressive to gays and northern european countries being heaven on earth
>one day he actually said if he was given the chance to be the judge at hitler's trial, he would seek to rehabilitate him and eventually release him into society
>he was extremely arrogant and thought of himself as one of the most intelligent people in the school
>I felt bad about his autism so I tried to humor him sometimes, but most of the time I'd just face the nerdy asians and listen to them instead
>one of them was really into monopoly strategies
> now I beat my family almost every game thanks to this kid
> autistic kid would often interrupt the class with awkward and sometimes slightly sexual comments and the teacher eventually just started pretending she didn't hear him whilst monopoly nerd would go on and on about some strategy he saw online
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>Be 18 attending university
>No one ever advises me about fashion
>Find a grey trench coat a thrift store
>Think I look totally badass with cowboy boots, wranglers and my trench coat
>Dress like this for about 6 months
>Everyone probably thought I would show up to class with a gun one day
>Hurts to think about how cool I thought I was
>Why didn't anyone tell me?!?!
>this goes on for most of the year
>last day, autistic kid watching the clock
>I'm facing away from him as usual
>he taps my arm, I turn around

"alright so this is the last day of school and I feel as though I'd kick myself for the rest of my life if I don't do this. I really like you and felt we really connected this semester and was hoping we could exchange numbers and see each other this summer"

> I'm extremely uncomfortable, just tell him "uh, I'd rather not"
>mfw he starts thinking I misunderstood him, he repeats what he said and starts listing things he liked about me
"uh no thanks man..."
>everyone in the class is pretty much silent at this point and just watching him following me as I slowly make my way to the door, repeating "I just feel like if I don't ask you I'm going to regret it every day"

mfw someone was actually more autistic and cringey than me, and he ended up getting a crush on me
Man some of these stories are fucking hilarious
For what it's worth I thought it was pretty clever
I can stand gore fine but reading some of these is physically painful

I used to dress like that, I got bullied for it, well, until Columbine happened, after that nobody wanted to speak to me
don't worry anon, I saved it for you

This hurts just to type out.

>Be like 14
>Super horny
>Browse Gelbooru as usual
>Not enough
>Go to Youtube and look up "horse dick" and "horny dog"
>Find a few videos posted for educational purposes or as jokes
>Tenting obviously, go to touch it
>Dad came in the room and was watching the entire time
>Try to rationalize it by saying someone told me to look it up
Someone please shoot me. It's been four years since then and it still makes me freeze up or cry out when I think about it.
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>tfw so spergy you can't tell when you're being cringy and people mistake it for confidence
the light in the darkness
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>Be swimmer
>Be swimming competition
>Lots of girls in swimsuits
>Erect my penis
>Hear announcer say my name because I'm in the next lap
>My lane is the one closest to the audience
>stand like pic related to hide my boner but certain they noticed
At least no one said anything to me afterwards.
Killing myself emotionally was definitely the best decision I've made, 10/10 would do it again.
Holy kek meng
>grade 9
>first year of High School
>friend is leaning back on his chair sitting down
>literally sprint from the other end of the class
>kick the bottom portion of his chair with all my might
>he falls and smacks his head on the desk behind him very hard and is actually hurt
>everyone just turns and looks
>dead fucking silence
>"haha i got u"
>suspended for 3 days

dunno why this fucking sticks with me
>Be stacy
>invade someone's privacy and randomly ask them the password for their personal laptop

I genuinely hope you get raped.
> be me
> freshman year
> have a hard time speaking, mumble and stutter alot
> realize one day that I don't drink 8 glasses of water every day.
> decide to start drinking 8 glasses of water every mourning so I will get all the water I need
> monday
> drink 8 cups of water when I wake up
> go to the bathroom before going to school
> pee is clear
> think this is an accomplishment
> not even 8 and pee already clear
> happy
> walk to school
> go to the bathroom when I arrive at school
> take test in english class
> need to pee
> finish test quickly and ask to go to the bathroom
> teacher says yes
> go pee then come back
> class ends
> thirsty
> drink water
> go to p.e,
> while changing I need to pee
> go to the bathroom
> play soccer
> while playing I need to pee
> go to the bathroom then come back to play
> class ends go to third period
> thirsty drink water again
> go to the bathroom before class
> pee is yellow
That's kinda funny though.
I'm gonna screencap for reddit XD
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y tho
original text for the robot
> have to use the bathroom between classes for the rest of the day
> pee is semi clear but not completely clear
> think the problem is I did not drink enough water in the mourning
> tuesday
> wake up
> drink 8 cups of water in the mourning
drink half a cup of water between every other cup to make sure I am getting all the water I need
> go pee
> pee is clear
> go to school
> go to the bathroom when I get to school
> go to english class
> taking part two of final
> need to pee
> finish test and then ask to go to the bathroom
> go to the bathroom
> when I come back girl infront of me whispers "didn't you ask to go yesterday"
> teacher does not like students going to the bathroom
> class ends
> go to the bathroom
> running the mile in p.e.
> while running need to pee
> finish running fast and go to the bathroom
> get pretty good mile time
> think every thing is going great
> second period ends
> need to pee
> go to the bathroom
> pee is yellow
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>>"sir! Your groceries!"
>>"oh no that's alright I'm fine"
Holy keks

Is this going anywhere?
That only works if you're attractive
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Almost cringe here.

>teacher calls for group work
>I sit in the back, and I'm not noticed by most people for some reason or another
>after everyone's paired off, I'm by myself
>The teacher, a very old man who walks hunched over with a cane, says "Okay, does anyone not have a partner?"
>say nothing
>no one even points to me
>"All right, then let's start." he starts shuffling back to his desk and then stops. "Ah, and be sure to write everyone's name on the paper when you're done."
>heart sinks
>the classroom is abuzz with the sound of chatter in all directions; I pray to god that nobody notices me sitting by myself
>write my name at the top of the paper
>write Bobby Henderson underneath that; a name that came out of thin air
>use "Bobby Henderson" as my invisible partner all fucking year
>the teacher must have known; while grading it he must have seen that there was no bobby in our class, but he never said anything
>that feel when changing your handwriting so it looks like someone else wrote portions of a group assignment
>"henderson" wrote with loopy cursive
>several months pass in this way, with me using bobby as my invisible work partner at least once a week
>one day, after an extensive group task, the teacher asks us to come up to the front with all our group members to discuss our findings
>end up being the last group to present
>"Okay, Anon, you and your partner, come on, let's go."
>stand up by myself and start walking towards the front, when-
>"Wait, Anon. Where is your partner?" he glances at one of our old group work sheets. "Ah, yes. Where is good Henderson?"
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>this old man actually sounds genuinely saddened by this, and it is something that has confused me for many years. He MUST have known that henderson didn't exist. Was he senile? Like, what the hell, man?
>oh god oh god
>don't know what to do, so I decide to just play along
>look around incredulously. Mumble, "huh. Where'd he go?"
>even go so far as to open the classroom door and peer out, like I'm looking for him.
>one girl actually pushes the door open all the way and yells "HENDERSON, NIGGA WHERE YOU AT"
>outside is silent; she goes back in and sits down, and I can still remember how satisfied she looked with having "helped"
>room is deathly silent. Everyone's staring at me. I want to die.
>"W-W-Well I don't know where he went but I c-can just present it alone ifthatsokay"
>At this, the old man looked horror stricken. "What, no, that's too much pressure. Class is over anyway, you can just do it tomorrow when Henderson comes back." He pauses again and before the bell rings, he adds "How odd."
>my face when this guy seriously sounds like he believes in Henderson
>that, or he's faking it because he knows how it feels to be left out and just wants to give me a break for once; from his appearance and his mannerisms, I wouldn't be surprised if he were a grand wizard
>my face when the next day was a Saturday
>my face when, come Monday, the teacher had completely forgotten about the whole assignment
>that, or he was doing me a really solid favor
had to pee, i'm back
> wednesday
> wake up
> drink more water
> go pee
> pee clear
> go to school
> go pee
> go to english
> teacher talking about grammar
> need to pee
> kid infront of the class says "didn't anon ask to go yesterday"
> teacher says I can go
> class ends
> go pee
> play soccer
> leave to go pee
> come back
> 20 minutes later need to pee
> class ends
> go pee
> pee is yellow
> thirsty
youre such an autistic robot that you literally couldnt even write one line of normie dialogue for your fake story
I'm wearing a twelve year old girls panties right now.
How the fuck are you suppose to interpret that any other way?

Pulling your pants down was kinda jumping the gun, but god damn fuck that bitch.
I got lucky and fit in with the stoners. It wasn't like straight up hippies though, we had chads, low lifes, weird kids, and just plain normies you'd never think would smoke weed but we all got along.

Kinda wish I could go back and not be such a quiet sperg though, it was pretty damn comfy.
> thursday
> wake up
> drink cups of water
> don't even count just drink
> go pee
> pee is clear
> drink more water
> go to school
> go pee
> go to english
> teacher is talking about grammer
> asking questions about direct objects and shit
> class is full of idiots
> need to pee
> try to hold it in
> look at clock
> 40 minutes left
> stare at my desk try not to think about water
> not working
> really need to go
> look at clock
> 36 minutes left
> raise my had
> teacher asks of i know the answer
> ask to go to the bathroom
> "haven't you gone everyday of the week so far"
> try to explain that I have been drinking all my water in the morning for the day
> need to pee
> talking fast
> mumbling
> stuttering
> awkward silence
> kid in the back says "yo say that again"
> everyone starts laughing
> no one understands what I said
> explain again slowly
> teacher says fine trying not to laugh
> run to the bathroom
> feel like my penis is going to explode
> barely make it
> let out the strongest piss I have ever taken
> pee is clear
> at least my pee is clear
>>"holy shit there's an autist shitting here!!"

Bullfuckingshit, no 12 year old talks like this.
Your teacher is based as fuck i honestly think he was doing you a solid.
>>asks me why she found it in my room covered in black stuff
Any normal person would have just never mentioned it, pretended it never happened
You got your autism from your moms side of the family it seems
I feel like I cold live this. It isn't that out of the ordinary.
>high school age
>play bottle spinning with my best friend, his gf and my neighbour
>gf tells me to say something nice about her
>face goes full red, hands sweating
>im just breathing heavily while they're waiting for my answer
>"cmon man can't be that hard!"
>panic intensifies
>say in really loud voice "WE-WELL I COULD FUCK HER ANAL"
>nano second later I realise my mistake
>power walk out of the room
>mfw it's my house
>mfw I walk out
>mfw I hide in a bush for half an hour and watch them leave before I go back inside
It's not proper cringe I think, but here I go anyway.
>be me: no friends, abusive father
>compensate by eating non stop
>14 and 50 kg overweight
>there's this girl I like, cute and always nice to me
>gather all my courage and what little self confidence I have and talk to her during break in classroom
>"Hey, would to like to go to a movie with me"
>"Me.... with... you?....Alone?"
>She starts to giggle
>"W-Well we can take some other people too.."
>She starts laughing. Goes a few steps to where her friends are.
>"Hahaha. Anon just asked me out."
>She embellishes to make me look even worse.
>Her friends stare disbelievingly at me.
>I slink away.
>Haven't had the courage to ask a girl out again in 16 years.
>work in family business
>driving into parking lot, see my dad near the parking spaces
>my dad is for some reason with my uncles and male cousins in conversation near this big outdoor device in our yard, all have their shit together and are competent "real men" whereas I am the unfortunate autistic embarrassment
>drive slowly past them, they all turn to look at me
>i very rigidly grin and hold up a hand, none of them smile or wave back, they all just keep looking at me
>crash slowly into my uncle's truck
>they're all still watching, I am still grinning
>uncle walks forward stone faced
>I get out the car, physically can't get the grin off my face, it's not even a crash reaction grin, it's the same "oh, hello everyone!" grin from when I drove in
>they all get to examining the damage on the truck
>expect them to say "don't worry, anon, we're all family here"
>uncle: "i'll consult the insurance company and see what they say"
Shit I can't drive out of the fear I fuck up like this
Fuck off you fucking normal ass faggot. I swear to god if I see any more Reddit fags or normies I'm going to kill myself.
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>"C-call me Sephiroth..."

I will make sure no one ever forgets your story.
Just don't wear underwear problem solved
This, it kills me
Wtf. This is my entire life summed up in one story. Wtf.... This is just too much for me to handle.
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>be in 4th grade or something
>go to river with friends' family
>go to forest with older kids and friend
>there's some mudslide that they would climb to the top of
>they had a king-of-the-hill type game where they would climb up the mudslide and try and pull each other down
>decide to do it with them
>climbing up mudslide
>older kid tries to pull me down
>grabs me by the swim trunks
>4th grade dick is exposed
>older kids laughing hysterically at me
>swimming trunks are wet so it takes forever to pull them back up
>head hung low, walk away
>don't listen to them
>quiet the rest of the time
Pure humiliation. Began my mistrust of what I later discovered is called "normies"
Diabllo2 nice
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>a girl calls to congratulate me new year (the only call I got by the way)
>Her:"Hahahaha Anon, everything best in the new year, don't drink a lot and hook up only with beautiful girls xDDD"
>"Thanks, same to you except for the other gender
sounds fine
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I have too many cringey sports stories
>be in 8th grade
>play lacrosse because it's what the normies did and I was in the middle class
>team is a mix of 7th and 8th graders
>coach splits team into two
>"A" team is all of the 8th graders and his 7th grade son
>"B" team is me and the rest of the 7th graders
>Butt of the joke to the coach
>8th grade classmates feel sorry for me but also treat me like a loser
>7th graders feel bad for me
still got very little playing time
You met a kind man anon, if hes still alive thank him for it one day
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this is pretty much the only cool thing i've read on this shit hole site

true greatness
8 glasses of water isn't a lot, and it should all come out at once unless you drink it over time.
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A girl said she loved me and I laughed causing her to awkwardly say "not really"
>meet girl through another girl
>we start talking ect ect
>decide to meet
>barely say anything to her at all
>she wants to hold hands
>hold hands for a bit, hug her then leave

it was so awkward because she was with her friends and they were just talking and i was just walking behind them not saying a word ever
You had the courage to do it man, kids are really mean.
This is the winner to me cause it sounds the most like something I'd actually do.
It hurts to think about.
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>be in band in high school
>upperclassman, single at the time
>everyone is fucking around, we aren't playing that day
>horny as FUCK for some reason
>need to fap unrealistically badly
>last hour of the day, know that i can just wait
>see somewhat decent looking underclassman
>face is eh, small tits, but has a god-tier ass
>my dick has taken over my brain
>girl is wearing sweatpants that are fairly tight and showcases the asstronomical cheeks
>look around, coast is clear, perfect view of the ass of legends
>whip out my phone and turn on the camera
>get really nice angle of the ass of eden
>finger is over the capture button when i realize that the drum major, a black christfag, is literally right behind me looking at my phone
>fiddle around with the phone, pointing it around, tapping it and muttering under my breath stuff like "no, that isn't right, what do i do with this..." to make it seem like i'm trying to fix something on the phone
>looks at me with the most disgusted look i've seen in my entire life
>every time he looked at me after that, he had that exact same look
I took creepshots at my highschool too, makes me wonder if anybody suspected now
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>oh no that's alright I'm fine
This can't be happening
Holy fucking autism batman
I made a presentation about LoL. Serious shit too, it had a cultural/racial/ethnic angle to it. Shit was so fucking cringe. I honestly want to implode thinking about it.
First time I was ever invited to a party I somehow managed to remark it was so dark outside you wouldn't see a black guy if he was on the window and one of the girls said she didn't know I was "like that"

That's probably the most "racist" thing I've ever said or truly been confused by. Like if you took some deep black african fella slapped him butt naked on a window and had him close his eyes or wear black contacts I'd be willing to bet you would not see him.
That sounds horrible. All I could say would be that Im sure those guys were just too afraid to speak up (as opposed to not liking you). They might have been cowards, but it doesn;t mean they werent your friends.
just want to let you know i screenshotted this little piece of wisdom

As an awkward pizza guy, I wouldn't even knock again, I'd just set the pizza on your porch and bounce. It's the worst when I get an awkward customer and neither of us can make the transaction happen smoothly.
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>Try to apply to art school
>Always get refused
>Angry about this
>Many years later decide to go into politics
>Get a good job
>Remember art school
>Start biggest war in history and commit genocide
>Everyone hates me
>Losing war
>Hide in bunker
>I sperg out and kill my dog

I really fucked up guys, they're coming for me in my bunker.
Should I an hero?
Holy fucking shit
I've done some dumb things in the past but holy shit this is like autism on a whole nother scale

This isn't cringe. It's pretty fucking hilarious in an awesome way, to be sincerely honest
> Was in class
> Teacher is talking about group assignment
> Cant remember exactly but I couldn't be bothered doing a part of it
> Everyone on table asked me why
> Say I have cancer
> Everyone stares at me shock
> "That is not funny anon"
Oh god this hurts just to remember

>be me 11
>have to be in school play
> i was a duck
> was supposed to go up and sing song we rehearsed
> the day of the play
> teachers and parents are all there and they are filming it
> im going up onto the stage
> people start laughing
> finally get up onto stage
> as the music plays i just stand there and sing "blah blah blah blah
> stop at one point
>start crying
> run off
> later learn that they sold it on dvds at school
>everyone makes fun of me for years
> still to this day

That memory tied a knot in my brain that no amount of whiskey could loosen and made me what i am
how is this cringe
it sounds like you were the chad bullying a robot
fuck you r9k really has changed
fuck you
fuck you
>crash slowly into uncles truck
Kek too food m8
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>Discovered trapping at a young age
>Bought girl clothes with pocket money and wore them around the house because my parents were at work all the time
>This evolved over time into growing out my hair and buying make-up
>At 14, business as usual, I'm making tea and eating sandwiches in the kitchen, singing anime shit to myself
>Door opens
>Smash my head on the table trying to hide
>Girl walks in, finds me cradling my head
>"Uh hi I live across the street, is this your cat?"
>That is indeed my cat
>Shake head profusely
>"Are you okay?"
>I think I have a concussion
>Nod head at the girl
>"Are you a mute or something?"
> Sure that works
>Nod head
>"You poor little thing, so young and pretty. I bet you'll find a guy anyway"
>Who said I couldn't bitch
>Smile at her
>She leaves
>Get ice pack from fridge, curl into ball in bed, pass out
>Later mom wakes me up saying a neighbour said a girl was here
>Still in trap mode
>Makes me change then brings me to hospital (blood is caked on my head)

And that's why I went to a boarding school.
>doing some group art project outside in high school
>teacher says we can go inside and have any snack we want from the school store
>it's near the end of the year and hot as fuck so I obviously want to go get a drink
>we line up and ask for what we want
>get to my turn, ask for a soda
>qt running the store says they're out
>think "what the fuck, why would she say that? I can see several brand new boxes of soda right in front of me"
>ask for a soda again, she says no again, eventually starts ignoring me
>think this is my chance to finally act alpha
>just lean over, open a box, and take one
>all of a sudden hear some really loud yelling to my right, makes me jump
>don't know what to do, just kind of start tearing up watching this guy I don't know yell at me
>eventually the teacher we were with arrives and calms this guy down somehow, don't care, just want to go home
>never got to act like an alpha male who doesn't care about dumb bitches and hos

To this day I still don't know what that soda was doing there if it wasn't for sale.
I genuinely thought it was brilliant, I just threw in the english accent and it was all impulse anyway

plus the cook was like 20 years old, and nobody cared besides that one counselor
How'd boarding school go for you? Rapey I bet.
Like, twice. Less than I thought. There was a guy there who looked out for me.
i remember on a band trip i went on my friend shit in the fucking garbage in the hotel room bathroom. i made him clean it up because we'd get in trouble the next day.
>be 7yo
>go to party with parents
>we break off
>hang with two friends
>man comes and tells us to dance
>think dancing a popular dance would be cool
>me and my friends start shuffling in front of 30 people
>we look like autistic idiots
>once song is done, be proud of my dancing
>primary school
>teachers always saw me as the shy computer kid
>students always saw me as a funny guy
>school play
>not enough rolls even though it was written by the teachers
>they're struggling to find a place for me
>eventually they settle on a duo stand-up routine during intermission for me and another guy
>actually wrote some dogshit jokes with this guy and a teacher (don't remember them, but I think one of them was a joke about rock and roll and a literal rolling rock)
>they rented fucking white tuxedos for us to wear
>day of the play
>get stage fright and completely freeze and forget my lines
>the other guy couldn't even continue because his lines all depended on my lines
>just fucking stood there stuttering for 5 minutes while they organised the set behind the curtain
>the nightmare eventually ends and the curtain rises
>overhear a mum talking to her daughter about my part later on
>tfw the mum said I looked like a chupa chup because my face had gone so red and I was wearing a fucking white tux
>a mother fucking white tux
>tfw it's all on DVD too

I mean, I fucked up, but I feel there was a serious irresponsibility of the teachers. I was just the fucking shy computer kid, why the fuck did you try and make me do stand up for fuck's sake
in elementary school we had these shared bathrooms, i wanted to show a girl what it looked like for a boy to pee so i brought her in and peed, but i used to dehydrate as a kid. that time it got so bad my piss came out like snot, she never talked to me afterwards
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>be me at 13
>have to get a check up
>I'm a pretty chubby kid but not fat
>arrive at doctors with my aunt
>wait for a few minutes
>get called in
>always feel cold and nervous in doctor's office
>doctor checks me out
>everything seems ok for the most part
>asks me to do some jumping jacks
>I'm self conscious as fuck so I start with small ones
>doctor tells me to spread my arms out more
>I do the first one
>oh shit.jpg
>freeze as soon as I hit the ground
>look around the room
>doctor and aunt are looking at me kinda stunned
>doctor straightens up and says g-go ahead
>next one
>fart again mid jump
>fuck it lets just get this over with
>jump fart jump fart jump fart
>I'm laughing and simultaneously crying
>going as fast as I can now
>stomach is protruding out from under my shirt
>literally a fat kid jumping up and down covered in tears and boogers in the middle of the doctor's room
>o-ok that's enough you can stop
>I sit down and he checks my heart rate
>I don't look at him once after and rush out of the room
>my aunt promises not to tell anyone
>hear her talking about it with my mom later
short one that follows me around
>grade 9
>friend i have stutters a fuck ton
>sometimes tease him about it for a few weeks
>invite him and other friend for sleepover
>really rip on his stutter
>go to school monday start stuttering when i talk

it's basically gone now but sometimes i stutter and can't say words that start with a D and sometimes i'll mispronounce a word so bad i won't even know what the fuck i said
>call me Sephiroth
lmfao man why
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I hope he at least got to crack some jokes at you.
ya i got what was coming to me
oh god this hurt
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go back to tumblr

why are autists so obsessed with sonic?
That is funny anon
Fuck those kids
I had cancer
This might sound normie tier or really fucked up, I honestly don't know and my green text skills will not make justice for this train wreck, anyway
>alone in a bar
>closing time
>I'm really drunk and ridiculously horny
>fat, kinda cute on the face 50yo woman walks out
>so horny that I seriously decide that I will rape her to finally lose my virginity
>picked her because she's fat and couldn't outrun me lel
>walk behind her for a long time
>suddenly she turns around and starts talking to me about weather
>she's really drunk too so I abandon the rape plan and become a Chad who will fuck this fatty with her consent
>we walk and talk for quite a while and end up in an apartment block
>she's going to her friends place to sleep and my Chad skills got me inside too
>her friend is a skinnyfat crack whore looking person, really ugly
>we drink more and more and eventually the crack whore sits on my lap
>despite her ugliness and dense mass crushing my legs, I get a boner
>time to Chad it up, I start groping her tits furiously and humping her
>soon enough she's giving me a blowjob while I maintain an incredibly awkward eye contact with the fatty
>I want to experience the whole package so I demand to eat the crack whores pussy
>she tries to refuse but I force my head there and start licking everywhere
>easily the worst taste I have ever experienced, she wanted to go wash herself but I refused, told her "you taste ok" and immediately after that puked on her couch
>nobody cares and we simply move to the bedroom, fatty silently follows
>condoms were mentioned but since nobody had them I just sticked it in and blew my load inside in about 10 seconds

part 1/?
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Woof...that's pretty cringe there...what'd your friend say after?>>26094613
le cringe
jesus h christ if you got a crack whore pregnant
Ok so when we were youngins, my friends and I made retard noises because it was funny and they looked weird
Think reeeeaaaaaOOOOOORGHHH
>be 5'3 smelly manlet
>browse the 4chan too much
>be 17
>smart as fuck
>get 8/10 gf when I'm a 4/10 at the best of times, maybe a 5 if I change my underpants
>meet her dad for the first time
>shake his hand with my Dorito encrusted fingies
>"are you making me my tendies now or are we all eating at the same time"
>"your what? Sorry son, I was under the impression you were taking my lovely daughter on a date tonight"
>she looks at me in disgust
>don't know what to do
>eye twitches
>like a volcano erupting
As I incapacitate daddyo and run inside
>reeeeeeeeeee as I run around their home flapping my arms like a disabled dinosaur
>mother rushes from the kitchen saying what the fucking fuck
>grab a frypan and blunder the sluts head in
>bitch approaches me and tries to stop me
>open freezer
>chicken nuggets
>throw the whore to the ground and rape her with the nuggets
>fuck dad door dog mum daughter cat dog
>scream and tear as I witness the pure bliss
>fuck dog
>mother wakes, crawls in pain to the phone
>calls police asking for tendies or someshit idk
>10min later, after repeating the fucky fuck on her parents her and dog cat door dog
>police rip open the door guns raised
hahahahaha I lost it and I even work in those shitty fast food places so I know what a cunt you are. This is golden, I love you anon.
>I crash to the bed ready to pass out, fatty comes to lick my dick clean and goes to another room
>i pass out for a few hours
>the moment I open my eyes all I feel is regret
>dress up and run to the door
>crack whore grabs my hand, I snuggle out of my coat and just run out
>100 dollar jacket is acceptable loss at this point
>run home and don't leave my room for 2 days

Now, this was only the beginning, shit took a really weird turn
>my sisters friend lives in that same area
>she saw me with those two when we went outside for smokes
>tries to blackmail me through facebook for money or she tells everyone I'm fucking some old skanks
>I'm still too depressed of the whole thing that I'll just ignore this shit
>she gets more aggressive but I just think it's bluff, it's not like I was fucking on the balcony or anything
>it wasn't a bluff and soon enough my sister is mocking me like never before
>trying to think of a good defence really fast
>"ouhm ah I was on drugs"
>never done drugs but that seemed like a good answer
>she's laughing and said something about weed not being a good enough excuse to set the bar that low
>"uhhh it wasn't weed I took some heroin"
>she slaps me really fucking hard to the face and is fucking furious, calls parents to get home
>i try to explain the situation to the docs in pretty much the same way this green text goes
>they don't believe a word
>I'm there for a week and got out since my blood was clean and i wasn't showing symptoms of withdrawal

That's about it. Afterwards I cut contact to pretty much everyone and moved to a city close by. This whole shit happened several years ago but I still think about it on weekly basis and it's always just as horrible.
But hey, at least I'm not a virgin anymore!
Please kill yourself in the worst way imaginable.
>be 17
>do those classes where you take courses at the community college through the high school
>buses take you from high school to college and back in the morning
>first day at criminal justice class
>see qt pale girl with freckles and a pony tail
>sit next to her because no one knows me at that campus even though i'm a well known spurg at the high school
>make eye contact for a full 2 seconds and say nothing
>class ends, just went over the syllabus and began notes
>approach her, sweating, i'm kinda fat so that didn't help
>"h-hi i could buy you a drink"
>said it demandingly
>she didn't fucking notice and walked off
>wearing sweat pants because its cold and i'm fat
>sit next to qt
>fucking power walk to beat some guy trying to sit next to her
>sperg and tell him that this is my spot
>chad gives me a whatever
>qt doesn't react

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>fast forward a few weeks
>qt has talked to me if she didn't hear something or can't read the board right
>masturbate to these interactions
>finally ask her if she wants to study for a test together
>she doesn't know i'm still in high school
>wants to just go after class and study
>don't return to bus, just blow off the rest of the day to talk to her a little
>walk home and sit in backyard since i don't have a key after study session
>mom gets home and hang out in neighborhood park until it's the usual time to go home
>day 999
>ask qt if she'd like to grab coffee with me at the starbucks on campus
>she's up for it
>fucking ask the barista for "warm chocolate milk"
>die a little when she just says "hot chocolate?"
>qt gets tea
>pay with money from a job i had at the time
>pay for qt and she seems impressed
>sit and talk about the people in class
>after awhile qt excuses herself to the bathroom
>ever so gently i hear her fart
>i want to smell it, i feel like i need to
>get boner thinking of her farting while sitting on my lap
>thought this sort of fetish was gross before
>but dat ass
>have on basketball shorts so boner very visible because that shit is thin
>not even worried about it showing, but that she'll see i'm not too big
>she comes back
>looks at my crotch but says nothing
>ask her if she took a good shit
>she sorta nervous laughs and says she has to get going

This was my first and only "date" and "gf". I'm nearing 28 now. I need help and I have nightmares of this every week at least. I still go through the date and still wake up with a boner.
This is hot.
do you pass?
oh god I can't stop laughing
should have asked the quiet girl to be a group of two
This actually has a ring of truth to it. Half of these stories sound made up.
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>'Over the past year I've come to view you all as my friends'

jesus christ fammilia
I also have this problem
ouch, I've done similar stuff with the 'epic' music alarms but the porn lock screen just makes it that much more painful to think about.
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God these threads just keep getting better. Thanks op this shit will keep me entertained at work for the next hour. NEET misery is hilarious
That's going on /r/4chan xxxDDDDD
thanks for the laughs anon
>>she tells me to shove another sock up my ass
holy fucking shittttttttttttttttttttt
>in little league
>get bored of standing in right field
>sit down in the middle of a game and put glove over my face and roll around
>mfw thinking back on what the crowd was thinking


>soccer league
>dad is coach for my team
>puts me in as goalie
>don't wanna play so say I have to go to bathroom
>sit in the portable bathroom for 20 mins
>come out to see if game is over
>still going on and I see my dad is looking at me from across the field
>go back in the bathroom for another 15 mins

I have lots
>bring girl home
>get naked
>eat her out
>she sucks my dick
>can't get hard
>tell her it's because I'm addicted to internet porn
what the fuck was I thinking?
It's better than telling her that you can only get off to lolicon.
>Anyone else been through so much bullying/exclusion/embarrassing moments that you can't even really remember them all? It's like I repressed most of my teenage/childhood years to allow myself to go on. I just dug out one unpleasant memory and it made my heart hurt, dat emotional pain
You just described me.
I just never had any social intelligence whatsoever. I can remember screaming outloud randomly in class 10 years after it happened, and I didn't care about it whatsoever.

I spent over 4000 hours of my teenage years simultaneously playing Sim City 4 and jerking off in my shorts.

I literally have no shame or social understanding. I wish that my parents had sent me to therapy, now I'm fucked beyond help.
Holy shit mang, that was pretty painful
>me in 4th period
>I'm a Teacher Assistant
>decide to fuck around with the computer attendance records
>looking at peoples info (grades, GPA, addresses, phone numbers, etc.)
>click on their pictures, zooming in and stupid shit like that for laughs
>decide to stop and walk over to a desk to spend the rest of the period
>classmate stops me
>"Anon... Stop."
>I have no idea what he's talking about, there's no fucking way he knew what I was doing. The computer is facing away from the students.
>look behind me
The fucking overhead was on and it was connected to the computer.

this is something will ferrell would do lol.
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like this anon?
original comment
are we back?

yeas we are
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>Be 1st grader
>Piss pants in front of whole class.
>Situation completely unsalvageable
>Begin licking it off the ground.

Not even special ed kid lmao, it was just the only thing that made sense at the time.
dude how does one even manage this?
That sounds fucking hilarious, your family's a bunch of autists.
What the fuck? How does a mental illness prevent you from the most basic task of policing your own cum receptacle? You realize every man deals with a cum container of some kind? Most non autists use a tissue and then throw it away. I can even see the autismo kids who use bottles and hide it in their closet, some people have that weird compulsion to store things like that.

But you are just being an asshole. I can't even imagine how your father wakes up in the morning and looks in the mirror. That poor guy almost assuredly blames himself for your behavior. Every time he sees you it must be like having a knife jabbed in his heart. I can't even imagine how much pain he carries around.

If you truly are mentally ill and cannot leave the house and interact with others, fine. You definitely are not alone with that. If you are a perma virgin, even that is not super uncommon for men.

But you may be the only person within 2k miles of your house who leaves a cum filled condom for your parents to dispose of daily. That shit is just fucking wrong.

Every single day you are alive is a reminder to your parents that they failed at the most important task they ever undertook. And you have to make it that much worse, literally make them corral your pathetic little boy juice, because you are too lazy to jizz in tissue paper and throw it in the trash? Why must you do that?

Can you see the pain in your fathers eyes? The realization that he will never watch you strike out on your own, make your own mistakes and learn from them, grow into the man he always wanted you to be.

He just wants to be proud of his son. And you are shitting all over that because you are too lazy to walk 5 feet and throw something in a trash can.
>be 14
>have bondage fetish
>like anime. draw anime
>logical conclusion, draw bondage anime. write weird shit next to pictures
>mom finds them
>find them slipped inside her old psychology textbook from college
>old-ass textbook that talks about how crazy you gotta be to be a masochist or sadist

kill me
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You better get ready for a third time
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>"oh no that's alright I'm fine"
Jesus my sides.
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Fucking hell, is that you Jamie?
>be 15
>sophomore year in high school
>be in tv production class
>met this qt who begrudgingly began to like me
>she was on the cheer squad and actually quite popular but fairly nice
>slowly she began to reciprocate my feelings for me
>but I was too stupid to see it (more like too depressed, self-hating, and overly emotional but whatever)
>thought she hated me for some reason
>had a real snarky sense of humor so I always thought she was bullying me when she was flirting with me
>it was pretty well-known by then in that class that we liked each other
>would do things like run her fingers through my hair, invite me to hang out with her friends
>I would sometimes take it the wrong way and think she was making fun of me
>one day despite basically being a few steps from getting with her, got mad while she was making fun of me
>screamed at her and called her a bitch in front of everyone
>everyone just stopped and stared, including the teacher
>she looked like she was about to cry
>everyone kinda rightly thought I was a huge dick for it
>completely ruined my chances with her
I STILL look back and feel like a huge asshole whenever I think about it which is all the time. Not only did I look like a huge asshole, but I fucked up probably the only real chance I ever had of dating anyone in high school too. I dream about sometimes running into her and trying to start something with her again. I feel like I need to make it up to her still, it wasn't okay for me to do that to her.
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>guess drinks are on me
That was a good recovery line, it was wasted on shit people though. Would be your friend if I was there.