Who /psychotic/ here? I had a massive psychotic episode on Saturday.
>have one light corona beer at college because my roommate is cool and buys alcohol for us and our friends on the floor
>I start to feel extremely tired from the one beer, so I lay down in bed for ten minutes
>suddenly, a burst of energy hits me like a wall and sends a rush of euphoria through my body
>start physically pestering my friends
>yell down the hallway and run around the floor of the dorm yelling peoples names
>spray febreeze in my mouth and like it
>eat food off of the floor
>force everyone to go to McDonald's with me (they are already freaked out, but I don't care)
>feel as though the street lights are glowing and emitting energy
>start having the delusion that I am a god who has the ability to read minds and influence people and objects with my hands
>get extremely paranoid that one of my friends is wearing a wire for some reason
>lasts 4.5 hours in total
>afterwords, I become extremely suicidal and lay in bed for one entire day
>still took a 4 hour nap today after classes
Does sound like a psychotic episode, but I thought they lasted longer than that? mine went on for like 5 months and I had to be kept in a hospital that whole time plus another month just to make sure I was actually stable. I was still wasn't completely right when I was let out.
Do you have psychotic depression? My specific diagnosis is mood disorder with psychotic features. It means that my psychosis comes and goes with my depression. It rarely lasts longer than 7 hours.
I really don't know what I have. I had one manic episode in my life and that was what happened about 3 years ago, they originally said bipolar but I really don't see it other than that one episode, now they said BPD, again which I don't see and doesn't really fit in with the whole manic/psychosis-being-in-the-hospital ordeal.
I still shit myself over this everyday though, especially when I start feeling strange and having intrusive thoughts like now. Anyway, sorry you had to go through that man.
Psychotic depression runs in the family for me, so the diagnosis was relatively easy. I'm much better-off than my uncle though who regularly hears voices and who was in the hospital for a suicide attempt.
I think I had weed-triggered paranoia, could have turned into psychosis if I kept smoking. Any time I heard people talking outside the range where I could clearly tell what they were saying, I would imagine they were talking about ME. Saying bad things, saying I'm autistic, I'm a retard, I'm a crazy, mentally ill, constantly-shaking drug addict freak.
I still think people are saying bad stuff about me sometimes, but I got over the idea that they're calling me crazy. I think they might be saying how I did something wrong at work, or how its weird that my hair is graying.
Basically, whatever they're talking about is what I'm most insecure about at this moment in space/time. Back then, it was mental illness. Now, its that I messed up work, or that I looked at a girl in a weird way, or that I work too hard and make them look bad, or that my graying hair is really weird.
I learn to ignore it after and realize its a projection of my insecurity. It is not me, but a voice within me that wants me to be afraid. It a demon, its not me who thinks these thoughts. Begone, demon!
Paranoia sucks m8. I'm OP and I often think that people who are talking with their families around me are talking about me. It really gets under your skin and the thoughts are intrusive and cant be stopped.
I have had many other psychotic episodes, all with varying levels of severity. This was one of my worst psychotic episodes, but not the worst. The worst was when I was extremely depressed.
>laying in bed listening to music in the dark
>sit up in my bed because I want to go to the bathroom
>see a face of an old woman emerge in the center of my vision and linger for a few seconds
>this is immediately followed by seeing glowing heads of fantastical animals that don't exist move across my vision
>stops after a few more seconds
>really freaked-out at this point
>hear a moan come from outside my bedroom door
>convinced that that old woman/demon is behind the door waiting for me
>work up the courage for a half an hour to open up the door
>nothing is there at first, but then I look down the dimly-lit hallway to the bathroom
>a 7-ft tall figure is standing at a crooked angle by the door facing me
>immediately hear ringing in my ears and close the door
>hear a voice say "he's gonna get you"
>go pee in a bottle, sob uncontrollably, and get 3 hours of sleep
That was my scariest episode. Most episodes aren't nearly that scary.
>eating at the mall of america food court
>look over the edge of the third floor's railing
>notice that it doesn't look that far to me (lmao)
>convinced that I would survive the fall if I were to jump off
>get up out of my chair and stand next to the railing
>friend tells me "come on man were going now"
>I snap out of it and realize that I was about to jump off a 3 story railing
another time over winter break from college my family took my brother and I to Disneyland
>sitting on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride
>start to get really tripped out by the whole experience
>feel as though the animatronics are real and looking at me on the ride
>get off the ride feeling really weird
>see an old sandwich sitting by a trash can
>have the sudden, overbearing urge to take a bite out of it
>as I pick it up, my mom swats it out of my hand
>start walking down past the seas of people
>think they're all talking about me and saying negative things
>feel as though they're conspiring against me for some reason or that I'm going to get jumped
There are a few more times as well but it's not worth mentioning all of them.
I feel like a psychopath/sociopathic dormant volcano that will rupture anytime now like when I was 16.
>Start smoking and doing insane amounts of drugs.
>Take parents cars out for joyrides and to commit burglary with
>Get put into psych counseling
>Successfully manipulate the counselor into thinking I just was having "fun"
>Continue to commit crimes
>Suddenly a girl expresses interest in me
>Manipulate her so great that I seemed like I genuinely cared for her, was there, etc...
>Used her as a cum rag, pump n' dump, and so forth
>Fucked her up and turned her into a complete wild rampant party whore
>Continue to string her along until I get tired of her shit.
>String along many other girls to get nudes, sex, drugs, etc...
>Manipulate friends to fight against each other by dividing & conquering multiple groups.
>Make parents go absolutely fucking insane.
>Make everyone hate each other and me.
>Destroy friendships between people, string along women, use drugs, and many other horrible things.
>Turn 17 years old and the insanity ceases all at once.
Seriously I feel like this is going to happen again. I have 2 modes: genuinely caring and want to get to know you. Then a complete fucking psychopath that will use you to the best of my advantage and not give a flying fuck if you end up in the sewers dead.
I can feel the crazy in me as this heavy weight in the back of my head. whenever I have paranoid/panic/schizo stuff happen it seems to come from there. worst episode was when I was up at 1 am and had a horrifying derealization episode. lasted a few minutes but it felt like a nuclear bomb of terror. there's nothing like the thought that you aren't real and that you're being forced to watch a stranger's life on a movie screen that fits into your eyelids.
Derealization empowers me. There are people who are afraid of scary movies, too, just like you are afraid of derealization. I go in the mirror and am baffled---this is me? Anon Anonymous, I am the same person? It gives me power that I am surprised I exist.
same guy here. was thinking about this today and I realized a few things.
all humans are the current version of a process billions of years old. evolution. organic particles have existed for 13 billion years and are in every part of the universe, from intergalactic space to the cracks between your skin. earth is the only place where complex and conscious life has formed.
in the beginning this life was unconscious, lime the rest of the universe. there was no concept of time; being unconscious, all time passed as the same moment for everything that existed. plants, rocks, and stars do not fear nonexistence. why fear what has already happened?
then came conscious life, and the ego. so many people believe that they are special for being conscious, that thinking about themselves is the best thing there is. but when you realize that life, unconscious and unknowing, permitted consciousness to arise to promote greater survivability of itself, you realize you are merely a tool used by your own body to survive.
then we arrive at the second point. there is no you. there is no I. "i" am a construct created by my own cells and tissue to allow it to guide itself and survive better. when "i" die, I will return to that state of unconsciousness which all things once shared. all time will pass as the same moment; all space will be one space. the ideal state of humankind is made possible by their consciousness and their origin as an unconscious organism. this ideal state is paradoxical; it is to be unconscious, one with all time and space, and yet conscious, and aware of all things around and inside themselves. Buddha called this state nirvana. this is the true purpose of man.
we are the universe, attempting to reach enlightenment.
bump someone read my schizophrenia rant pls
qt for maximum clickbait
one time I though I was satan because I was went to my friends house and drank a little and we started playing trouble then I got two 6's in row and it felt like I was pure evil and I was smiling and people looked at my funny as I was doing this. I know it sounds edgy.
Something like that happened to me although it was after psychedelics, you should probably go into an outpatient facility a few times a week, you'd be happier if you did.
and if they ask you do volunteerly go inpatient, politely decline
lolz im so KR4ZY mentally 1LL xD look at MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE333333333333333333333333333333333333E3E3E3E3E3E3E3 i am SPECIAL special CRAZY sick twisted snowflake i am so fucked UP i am TWISTED CRAZY XDDDDDDDDDDDD
mental illness isn't real go kill yourself you degenerate
I had something like that.
>laying in bed
>pitch black in my room
>trying to go to sleep
>it's like a floating head with a hood on
>I was terrified
>then all of sudden it fucking flew at me
>I hid under my covers and was like what the fuck is going on.
Do amphetamines. Go crazy. Shoot self during massive hallucination of being attacked. Live. Break out of hospital in the middle of the night. Realize that was stupid. Scare the shit out of some people as a bloody, hospital gown cloaked me pops up on a dark street and asks where the hospital is. Bedridden for 6 months thinking i was an incredibly powerful psychic, being hunted by shadow organizations of other psychics who detected my sudden new power and thought me to be a threat. Thought i controlled ghosts to defend me in the shadow realm. Fought the ghost of a serial killer psychic who wanted to take me over. Told god and the devil to go fuck themselves as they fought over me because i was sick of all their shit. Ect.
Realized what was happening, started to fight it. Focused on how it all was not real and how i would heal in time. Held on and it all went away. Doing fine. Worst shit ever though. I feel terrible for people stuck feeling like that for the rest of their lives. I was going to kill myself if it did not go away within a year.