/cripplingdepression/ general

I don't want to work tomorrow.

>>26025211
I can hardly get up if I stay up past 2. Thankfully those nights don't happen too often.

>>26025681
me neither

>>26025681
Same desu, gunna be on campus for 12 hours tomorrow. Cant handle that

>>26025723
My sleep cycle is kind of fucked up right now so thats my normal bedtime

So was my day today. Must get up earlier so I can find some excitement in my life or maybe to spend some more time sitting infornt of the screen.

>>26025723
>>26025811
>tfw work with children
>Mr. Anon you have a bald spot!
-_-

>>26025811
oic
good luck at campus tomorrow skelly

I'm on a streak of days in which I think of suicide half the time

Gotta wait, not 30 yet

>>26025966
I spend too much time infront of screens

>>26025980
thats cute but also sad

>>26025982
Thanks, its awful

>>26025999
Did anything set this off?

>>26026058
>Did anything set this off?

I don't know, probably it's just the bipolar genes in my father's family claiming another victim

>>26026334
Ah, I gotcha. Thats not in my family, just severe depression and anxiety.

I have class tomorrow afternoon and all day Wednesday, do not want.

there's one girl who at least knows my name and says hi to me. It made me feel better until I realized how pathetic it was to consider that an accomplishment

How many of you have self harmed at some point?

>>26026058
What a surprise, a fag using unnecessary trip codes is replying to every single person in the thread.
Way to break the stereotypes there you fucking attention whore. Kill yourself.

I had a goldfish, BUT IF FUCKING DIED

>>26026438
Used to around 10 years ago, but then wound up in the hospital because of one. Haven't since. You?

>back at Uni again
>instantly start judging myself again/internal dialouges telling me that im inadequate and ugly as fuck
>college is so much fun
>still got a long way to go

>>26025211
I hate my body and I want to kill myself. I'm not bad looking, I'm average, but every time I look at myself in the mirror I'm disgusted. Also...
>tfw no mentally ill gf
Why even live?

>>26025211
Good evening skelly, /failingcollege/ anon from last night here. I didn't have classes today after all because of the weather, but I didn't check my email until after I walked all the way to the classroom only to realize that nobody else was around. It's already getting late, and I have to go to some 1 hour assembly about academic probation, hopefully nobody there messes with me like usual. I tied my noose last night, I've been working on the design for the past year and I've finally perfected it I think. I have it stored in my closet for now, just in case things get too bad. I'm kind of hoping that they will so that I can finally get it over with. Winter break went by so fast, I've already been back for 5 days now, I still don't feel like I belong here, or anywhere really. Even with melatonin I can't sleep, no thanks to my loud ass suitemate who never shuts the fuck up for one second all day and night, and the l theanine i take to help my anxiety disorder hasn't worked in months, I'm only still taking it for simple peace of mind. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either. I'm too far gone to integrate into society, I've been bullied and ostracized my whole life, and while most would just say that I have a persecution complex, I know that I didn't deserve any of the things people have done to me, or any of the illnesses that have turned me into a scrawny doormat due to all the fucked up meds I had to take for them. It hurts to know that people can be so cruel to anyone who is so tired and just wants to make it through the day peacefully, but in the eyes of society maybe I do deserve it for being so weird. Besides, the only way anyone can succeed is for others to fail, the only way to gain love and social status is to put others down and use them as stepping stones. So maybe I do have a purpose, but the only way I can get back at them is to take myself out of the equation, they can't laugh at me if i'm dead, if they can't see my ugly face.

>>26026576
>all the weather
where from? NC here, 919, was out of college yesterday too

>>26026561
Stop bullying yourself

My twin brother just send me a Snapchat of him piercing the gay side of his ear.

I told him it was the gay side.

He just sent me back a smiley.

>>26026576
That was really sad to read

I don't even know you and I fucking feel for you

I hope things get better

>>26026415
It feels good to be acknowledged though

>>26026513
:< I'm sorry to hear that

>>26026489
neat

>>26026438
I have friends who have but i've never. Do you?

>>26026555
Are you actually having fun or is that sarcasm?

>>26026561
Thats how I feel as well desu. Not ugly but I hate my appearance

>>26026576
Switch meds and switch roomates first off, that might do you a lot of good. And no one deserves the cruelties people can do, people suck anon. Its not too late to integrate into society, you need to find a few friends who can help you.
And killing yourself won't get back at them. At all.
I wish I could help you more anon, you dontt deserve to feel like this.

>>26026688
Thats super tacky desu, also a really weird way to come out. How do you feel about it?

>>26026742
>how do you feel about it
I pretty much knew but yeah.
He's bi I think.
I might be too desu

I'm not quite there yet but I'm very worried I will be joining you guys soon, what do?

>>26026787
Its not a bad thing senpai

>>26026792
See therapist, examine why its coming to this

Feeling pretty terrible.I haven't gone to class in two weeks.I have just been keep making mistakes and embarrassing myself. I really just want to cut what little contacts I have and hole up in my room and waste away or end it.I have felt worse before but I am starting to get tired of all of it.

>>26026742
>Switch meds
They're dietary supplements actually, the kind you get from gnc. I've had people say that I should try medication, but I've heard too many horror stories about that shit. And frankly, my brain chemistry is fucked enough as is, pills would make it worse.

>>26026949
>embarrassing myself
High school or a super small college? What do you do for this to happen?

>>26026850
You have one? What does s/he do and how much has it helped you?

>>26026949
WHat do you mean embarrassing yourself?

>>26026974
Pills are there to help your brain chemistry, not ruin it

>>26026987
I do but I haven't seen her in forever. She's helped me a lot honestly, helps me see how much depression has fucked up my way of thinking about the world.

>fixed sleep schedule
>started working out
>improved hygiene
felt great for the past week, reading more on my PC less, even going out for a meal with a qt 8/10 I went out with in HS, I'm not trying to rub it in anyones faces I'm saying it's worth trying to change something rather than letting everyday be the same as the last

>>26026987
>>26027056
Small-ish state university. Just about everything I say or do I regret and feel embarrassed for saying.I keep thinking anyone cares about my input and say something only to immediately regret and start spiraling thinking of how to leave.I also keep fucking up academically so I am too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it and usually lie about it to not look retarded.

>>26025211
Skeleton I'm not sure if you remeber me I mentioned I'm going to assessments and mentioned my sister having an accident, I'm still being assessed but I was open at my evaluation, I'm a bit worried they plan on putting me in a hospital but that's ok, my life just feels nice I'm also this anon >>26027153
you telling me to be open helped me a lot, feel better anon

>>26027153
Glad to hear that anon. Its hard to change though.

>>26027185
I honestly think its in your head anon. Might wanna consider therapy

>>26027217
I think i remember something like that, but not specifically. And I'm glad things are getting better for you!

>>26027258
also you seem informed, If they do put me in a mental hospital do you have any advice?

>>26027302
Honestly I've never been in one, but the best advice i've heard is to be cooperative and things go by faster. I doubt you'll be thrown in one though, you seem too well right now

>>26027258
I have thought about therapy.I just can't see it helping and I feel as if I am not "messed up" enough for it. I always feared I would get laughed out for even coming in with my petty shit. Also I can't afford it.

>>26027370
in my last assessment I mentioned how my dogs spying me and how life doesn't feel real, also how I believe a group of spiders are trying to systematically bully me (hence the concern) but you're right as long as I am doing this well when I next see them they'll probably see how much better I'm doing

>>26027390
A lot of people without "real problems" can benefit from therapy to be honest. Also they have places you can go to where they base your payments on your income. Its free for me that way

>>26027416
I think they will.

>>26027489
My assessments in February 6th, I'll tell you how it goes, if I don't I didn't manage to stay how I am now, peace out robot

>>26027489
Maybe. I just don't see how it would really help. Why would I go to a stranger that pretends to care about my petty problems and maybe give me drugs to shut up?

>>26025211
>be me about an hour ago
>log in to league of legends for some reason
>bro messages me on league, we get in a voice chat
>he invites a bunch of his friends to the Skype
>we start a match
>one of them is a grill who plays Ahri, of course
>they all ignore me, especially the girl
>eventually they just leave me and join a call to continue playing
>girl and some other guy she knows call me annoying before leaving

Shoulda played Dota.

>>26027943
Some honestly care, and they can help you examine yourself critically.

>>26028066
>mobas
>ever
You can tell they're shitters because they use skype.

>>26028121
Mobas are okay if you know who you're playing with.

>hey can we use teamspeak?
>no, they don't have it, we have to use Skype

I guess I should've seen the signs

>>26028188
Mobas last way too long for me desu, round wise. And I just refuse to use skype for voice, fuck em

>>26028247
The reason why I love Mobas so much is because they're so long. I play vidya mainly just to distract depression, so longer games with less down time in between rounds at better.

>>26028314
I don't have thte attention span for them. I get bored and frustrated

>>26026576
damn really wish i could help u m8

I just got done working out. It feels good. I'm feeling good. Time to play some Jrpgs. How about you?

>>26026576

>Why is your roommate loud?
>Can you ask them to be quiet?
>Do you have any friends?
>Do you have anyone offline you can speak to?
>Do you think there are things you would regret not doing after death?
>How old are you?
>What is one thing you always wanted to accomplish?
>Why do you think you have to "use" others to succeed?

Your thought pattern seems sick anon