I desperate wish I was born a girl. I have felt this way since I was 3. I have been to therapists for it for the last ten years and have been diagnosed with gender identity disorder by several people. I still live as a guy.
If transitioning (taking female hormones, dressing/speaking like a girl, and getting my gender legally changed) is wrong, what the fuck else am I supposed to do? I am completely miserable being a guy, I can't even look at myself in the mirror. Can't concentrate in school, dropped out of college. Couldn't hold a job until I got one working outside alone. I am fucking miserable but the only solution with evidence to suggest it might work is considered wrong by my family, friends, and society. The people who push for it as a solution don't actually know anything about the condition and just push for transgender shit as part of their political agenda and I've had these feelings well well before this shit was all over the news/media/internet or even before the average person had ever heard the word transgender.
No I'm not going to post this on /lgbt/, I want thoughts from people who aren't gay or trans. What do you offer as a solution? Manning up / getting /fit/ / drugs / sex doesn't take away the feelings of wanting to be seen as a girl one bit. So what the fuck am I supposed to do?
I'm already strongly considering suicide, don't have to tell me to kill myself
i felt that way when I was growing up too, I realised extremely early on how easy it would be to be a girl, especially if you were 7/10 or above.
The only thing is that you have to accept it will never be that way, if you start taking pills and doing other bullshit then you're just a mentally ill person who can't let it go. Absorb yourself in something else that you enjoy,
>inb4 theres nothing else
accept the fact that if you aren't 100% a girl then its just utter trash and every day you'll get people calling you "Brave" and other words that revolve around you publicly showing your mental illness
you are your own person. that is the key to making decisions, when you make decisions the person who is ultimately affected is your ownself. so why let the wishes of others tip the scales of your decision making?
im not going to tell you which decision to make but make the one that you actually believe will make you happy, being yourself, or making everyone else around you happy. At the end of the day the most important thing is that you make a decision and stop sitting on the fence because that is where most of the pain comes.
>b urself u'll be super happy
try tumblr or pic related, fuck off
straight cis white male here
ignore all 4chan epic reactionary memes from losers who'll never live a traditional lifestlye trying to be edgy on an anime website but also all trumblr victim culture bullshit about how you are the most oppressed person on earth and everyone else is evil and out to get you and literally just dress however you want and if anyone doesnt like that you're wearing a dress instead of pants are free to fuck off
so pandering to fuccbois is the key to happiness?
If you just 'felt that way' growing up you don't understand what I have. There is no 'letting it go', gender identity disorder is for life.
I'm not a normal fucking person, it would REALLY be delusional to say otherwise. Obviously common sense would make you think that what I have is a mental illness, a lot of recent evidence suggest it's neurological (physical) but there isn't enough to be conclusive. So either way I'm clearly fucking wired differently from other people, there's no denying that.
I can either pretend to be a normal man and wish I was dead every second of every day or pretend to be a girl and be happy for a while not playing pretend as a man every fucking day, up until everyone treats me like garbage and I end up a lonely, isolated freak and then be miserable everyday anyway.
Have you actually tried to work with a therapist to accept that you're a man and will never be a woman or was it just to get diagnosed. Also if you had the mind of a chick you wouldn't be posting on /r9k/.
OP, the sad reality is that odds are your transition will result in you looking like a hideous freak. Unless you have especially feminine, attractive features (like Linetrap/Bailey Jay for example) you'll just be in an even worse state by transitioning.
But fuck man, if you can get a doctor to prescribe you some estrogen, might as well give it a shot, especially if you're suicidal anyway.
I changed my mind, fuck off back to /lgbt/ you're not looking for advice you're just here to whine about that because you werent born female that you'll never be happy.
Fuck off this board, or better yet,
kill yourself mentally ill transfaggot garbage
Yes, I went to a Christian therapist growing up and even went to a Christian ex gay summer camp type bullshit. Obviously the therapy didn't work and doesn't work, after the place got shut down my therapist mailed me a fucking apology letter last year. Conversion therapy is now illegal in most places in the world because it does far more harm than good
I went to a therapist who specialized in trying to help people accept the gender they were born as. That's conversion therapy. I was desperate to accept that I was a guy, I wanted nothing more and still would be a regular guy if it was possible.
>also if you had the mind of a chick you wouldn't be posting on /r9k/
When did I say I had the mind of a chick? I'm not a tumblr pretend trans idiot. I have an obsessive, compulsive, irrational need to be seen by others as a girl and to see myself as a girl. I know full well I am a male, a man, and have a dick. I don't believe in souls, or having a gendered soul or brain or any of that shit.
It saddens me as well but I'm proudly a man. If you ask a woman what the difference is between men and women they will tell you not a lot. But society caters for women, everything that exists is for the female mind.
You're probably just a gentle soul OP but because people expect you to be a tough rugged man you can't cope with it. The trick is to literally be yourself, keep being that soft person who you are, actualize your identity and you won't pine for anything else.
You are the most beautiful right now as you are and ever will be, so be happy :)
>Why not try transitioning?
Because, despite making this thread, in real life I do not want attention. At all. I just want to live a quiet, nice life. I want to study engineering and make something of myself and make my family proud. I do not want to stick out, I make no effort to stick out. I live simply, minimalistically, and am quiet. I don't know anything about makeup, women's clothing, or passing as a girl. If I tried to be a girl I would be getting attention from everyone, negative, awful attention. I wouldn't be able to have dignity unless I passed and I doubt I could, and even if I could eventually it would take years of learning and hard work and I'm fucking scared. I don't want to go out in a dress and have people stare at me and laugh at me. I don't want my family to be disgusted by me any more than they are (my parents have known about my feelings since I was a little kid). Even when I was a little boy I knew these feelings were wrong and different and I felt ashamed of them.
That's not the case. I've had these feelings since before I really understood gender roles. I agree that it sucks that men are basically shat on by society now but that isn't what motivates this. It's more of a physical, instinctive feeling, it's not jealousy.
>Keep being that soft person who you are, actualize your identity and you won't pine for anything else
what about love?
Gender roles are ingrained in the human psyche. It's an evolutionary thing, we automatically recognize a difference between males and females regardless of age. Maybe you just have a bad view of males, maybe your female family members were nicer and more emotionally available when you were young so you now want to emulate them instead of any male figure.
Really, at the end of the day, does it matter if you are a male or a female? If I was a furry and dressed up like a dog I would only be fooling myself into believing that I'm a dog. There are other things more important in life like charity, good will and compassion for others.
What do you think would be different if you were magically turned into a female?
I'll tell you about love, love is giving a homeless person your last $20 so they can go get a decent meal. Love is holding up traffic and helping an old person cross the street without getting run over. Love is saying to the guy who bullied you at school, "I forgive you, let's be friends".
That's real love.
Love is also waking up next to a person who is your entire world and snuggling up with them in a big warm bed on a cold winter morning. Love is dedicating your whole life to caring for someone else and having them do the same. Love is raising a family together, growing old together.
But my brain is broken so I'll never experience this one.
>Maybe you just have a bad view of males
Literally every role model I have is male
>maybe your female family members were nicer and more emotionally available when you were young so you now want to emulate them instead of any male figure.
You are just literally just coming up with guesses to explain my feelings.
>Really, at the end of the day, does it matter if you are a male or a female?
Of course not, that's why this fucking disease is so torturous. You don't seem to comprehend that it is completely and utterly illogical and 100% emotional. You don't think I've thought about this? I have spent YEARS telling myself how stupid I am for having these feelings, how great it is being a guy, how many perks there are, how shitty girls have it with periods, weakness, being seen as children, emotional etc. My first therapist (real, licensed, educated one who specialized in gender dysphoria) told me that it's actually extremely common for men with gender identity disorder to hate women. They themselves don't understand that their feelings don't stem from logic, and they feed themselves logic all day for years and years about where their feelings might come from or what they might be jealous of or what's good and bad about being a guy or a girl. If I was magically turned into a female the only difference would be that I wouldn't be fucking agonizing about my gender and could just get on with my life and be on the same playing field as the rest of the world.
If you can't/won't do the things mentioned in:
Then you won't appreciate the things you mentioned. You'll just be living an empty hollow life like most normies do. Just look at how they jump from one relationship to another, they go through the motions, they have no appreciation of life and love, it's all meaningless to them and they do it because they don't know what else to do.
You were born with a chemical imbalance in the brain that makes you feel like you are the wrong gender. The only effective treatment currently available is growing tits and cutting your dick off. Otherwise, these feelings will never go away and you will only be more miserable that you never tried out of fear.
Not telling you what to do, but these are the facts. You will never grow out of these feelings and they will only become worse.
That really doesn't make sense. My life is already hollow. Doing volunteer work or being charitable doesn't suddenly fill me with purpose. I'm a "gentle soul" as you put it. All my life I put others before myself and you know what happens? I get fucking burned. Nothing good comes from helping others, they're just going to take advantage of you and fuck you over.
I'm an extremely conservative guys.
Also Prude, but I don't see whats wrong about changing sex.
Do what makes you happy.
They are the one with the problem, you dont have to man up or anything. Do what makes you happy, its your life, your body.
If they dont accept you, you might have to find other people who will.
They are the problem, not you anon.
Maybe you've been agonizing over this for so long that it has consumed you? Maybe a lifestyle change is in order, go do something out of the ordinary to take your mind off it like go hiking or camping. Get back to nature and not be surrounded by society and people who are always reminding you about gender.
sorry to hear it OP. shitty situation you're in. Maybe try male hormones if you can get them?
I read somewhere about a lesbian who took them and developed more masculine thought processes.
Anon... I go camping and hiking once a month each already. I've been doing it for years, /out/ is actually one of my main boards.
I mostly do it so that I have a place to cry as loudly as I want to without other people hearing because I am fucking pathetic.
There's literally no escape from this.
I've had my levels looked at and I already have above-average testosterone levels.
If you want a wife, family and those nice things to make you feel good then you probably won't feel that good. Because raising kids is about the kids, not you. Having a wife is about looking after her needs and not yours. If you can't have concern for mostly random people in the world just doing small kindness for them, why would you do even greater acts for those who are very important to your life. While children are little people are very protective of them, but as they grow up, parents start to see them as other people because they lose their cute features which trick the brain into protecting them. If you think that helping others will fuck you over, just wait and see if you ever have children.
It's all about selflessness. To put other peoples needs ahead of your own is the key to happiness. It's easier for someone to make someone else happy than to make themselves happy alone. But setting out to have family and wife for your own benefit can only end in broken marriage and families.
>It's all about selflessness. To put other peoples needs ahead of your own is the key to happiness.
Putting other people's needs ahead of your own is the key to getting played and abused.
Trust me, I've been doing it my entire life.
Generosity is not rewarded. I'm not asking for a cash prize, how about a thank you though? Or some mutual respect?
People like me get walked over. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of putting all my energy into making someone happy and getting shit on for it.
But I'm sure I'm just delusional, in your world every good deed begets another and everything is fair and fun. In my world, "nice people" are idealists who get run the fuck over.
Not just hiking and camping once a month, I mean go do some vagabond stuff. Actually live in the wild for a while. Have you hiked the appalachian trail yet? You could do that and you never know you might meet some laid back people along the way, people who aren't as toxic as the ones you will find on the internet. You obviously enjoy camping and hiking. Why not do it for 6-12 months and see how you feel afterwards.
I'm not trying to insult you or anything but I'm feeling something kinda comparable I guess. I feel like I was born in the wrong country.
>tfw obsessed with American culture, movies, music, TV, sports, food
>love American people
>love the landscapes, the climate zones, the cities, the towns, the rural areas...
>love US politics, how they think they are the best in the world (because they are and it's not even close)
>start to despise Europe, especially with the current events happening
>really really really want to become an American
>every time I read something anti-american on the internet I get really mad
Do you guys think that's a mental illness too like how you think transgenderism is?
It also has the similarity that even if I immigrate I will never be a "true american". feels bad man
Also give advice pls. How do I into US?
Get some meds that will put you into a zombie mode, realise you will never be a real woman even if you transition, focus on other aspects of life (work, education), stop being attention-seeking special snowflake, kill yourself
These are the only options I can think of.
It's not that changing gender is "wrong", but that it very likely can make things worse. Sure there are some success stories (where enormous amounts of time and money have been spent) that get a lot of attention (and even more photoshopping), but in the long run you would be giving up the ability to have your own kids and who knows what that cosmetic surgery will look like when gravity sets in.
The grass is always greener.....
>Generosity is not rewarded.
If it was then it wouldn't be generosity. The real reward is how you feel knowing you've helped another person, even in the smallest way. You can spend your day writing up a tally, marking off how many people you helped. That's what having a family is really, it's just a series of tasks of helping other people. This is how develop care and love for a wife/family, it's by helping random strangers.
If you play RPGs you'll see that most quests and missions involve helping random NPCs with small tasks. That's how I view life, there are people who need help, and I'm glad to help them.
>What do you offer as a solution?
Reject the physical world. Your body is a prison no matter which sex your were assigned in the womb. It tires, it succumbs to pain, it tempts you to indulge its desires like a lesser creature, it allows your intellect to rot, and finally it dies. Sexuality is a disgusting atavism that causes our civilization nothing but trouble. It corrupts the noblest human traits, and twines about every human weakness. It is the proverbial serpent that whispers every wicked thing in man's ear. Even if we extended our lives to near eternity and made our bodies as perfect as they could be, we would never be free from the animal until we had ended sexual attraction and replaced the orgasmic pleasure of the sexual act with pain every bit as exquisite.
There is no dignity in a lie. Only those who would kill and die for dignity's sake alone ever truly had it. Every man who cringes before the glare of his employer, every man who obeys an oppressor, every man who shrinks when challenged in fear for his life or the well-being of others, and every man who allows his decrepitude instead of embracing his death has no dignity.
>Or some mutual respect?
People respect strength, not pathological altruism. It is possible to be kind and considerate without being servile and carelessly generous.
Are you trying to suggest that hiking the Appalachian trail will make me not want to be a girl? Or are you just saying it will make me feel better for a while. I already cope with escapism, when I'm not working I play a fuck ton of video games, shoot pool at a bar down the street once a week or so, go to the gym. Used to smoke weed in high school but it ended up just making me feel worse about my dysphoria somehow, I got 'used' to it and it stopped making me feel happy, just shitty. I've gone to hiking trails and camping spots all over my state for years, I'm already pretty used to nature and its beauty. Hiking the Appalachian would be nice but so would a hundred other things, they don't sovle the problem.
This isn't really analogous to my feelings because I don't really care about women's fashion, or lifestyles or anything like that. I don't really like stereotypically feminine 'culture' or whatever.
You study engineering, you don't know anything about makeup and clothes and you post here, but you are a woman?
The truth is that you have a mental problem, I don't mean that in a bad way, a lot of people do. You have to figure out a solution to live as best you can.
Who do you want to fuck?
i'm not religious, just an overliterate jackass
it's fucking ugly. you're going to hate yourself for a very long time. i came to a quasi-mystical conclusion for my thoughts and behavior. images become part of the thought process. it becomes a part of your brain, one that is in easy, direct, access. it's coveting idols, it's a burst of dopamine and serotonin with no meaningful information attached to it. this runs counter to the male hunter/farmer/warrior instinct where everything worth getting, you have to fight for. and because you don't use it, it falls away.
so leave it where it drops. don't panic and try to fix yourself. help other people, work until it hurts and then keep fucking going because that's what you were put on this earth for.
i'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
that's the opposite of conservatism, friendo.
Just remember that gender is a social construct. Sure your biological sex is male, and you will have to accept that, but that only means that you have a penis. As a man you can
>act on your emotions
>be submissive in sex
>anything else girly you want.
Seriously, there's nothing wrong with acting like a girl or acting however you want.
What do you think it means to be a girl/woman?
Stop with that meme already, everything is a social construct but we live in a society unfortunately so you gotta conform unless you don't mind being ostracised and perceived as a crazy/mentally ill person.
Once you get out of middle school you will find that our society is in general pretty tolerant of non-traditional roles. (yes, there are some very loud groups that are not, but by and large society is growing up).
No, I'm a male that feels a compulsive need to be seen as a female by myself and others. I used to think that I was 'really' a girl and all that other stuff you hear but I grew out of that way of thinking as an early child.
Be born female, not be intersexed, see yourself as a female.
I don't have a preference for men or women. I've only had sex with females (two girls in high school) and it was completely horrible to pretend to be 'the guy' for sex. I faked it like a pro and they apparently liked it but I strongly considered suicide after both times. I'm not interested in perusing sex or relationships. I don't want to have sex and feel fucking awful about seeing my awful, 'wrong' body in that way. I don't want relationships because I don't want to torture someone with my feelings, they will eventually find out and that's not fair to anyone.
>I'm a male that feels a compulsive need to be seen as a female by myself and others.
you're sure this isn't emotional baggage from jesus camp?
You can't change how you were born. That is in the past. You can change some physical features with a lot of work, dedication and sacrifice.
What does it mean to you to be female? What would you envision your female life to be like?
I'm in the same boat, but I have come to realize that I'll always be a guy and hormone pills are just going to fuck my body up beyond recognition.
Just enjoy who you are, cause at the end of the day, gender is just vaginas, dicks and appearance.
Maybe you are just gay but don't want to admit it? That is where I am at right now. Anyway good luck OP, life sucks.
>What does it mean to you to be female?
Look in the mirror and see a girl looking back.
Go to the store and have the cashier say "ma'am" to me. If either of those things ever happened to me I would break down and cry tears of joy. I just want those simple things so god damn badly.
>What would you envision your female life to be like?
I would go about my life not agonizing over my gender. Go to school and do well like I did when I was younger, have more focus and be more productive. Probably still camp and hike and play video games but actually enjoy them as activities instead of going through the motions to cope with pain. I'd actually be able to look at my mom in the face without feeling horrible fucking shame. I would have probably already had my bachelors at least and be continuing from there. The activities I would do and the path I would take would be mostly the same, without the fucking agony and misery and pain and hatred. At least not over my gender. I'm sure I would still have issues, it wouldn't be a picture perfect happy life. It would be a bearable life, a livable life.
Find a doctor who'll actually put you on antipsychotics instead of estrogen.
>just drug em to their normal!
This is how fucked up psychiatry is
>see a girl looking back
Youth is fleeting and gravity is assured.
>Go to school and do well
The treatment might not be as easy as you think.
>look at my mom in the face
Didn't you say at the beginning that your family considered transitioning to be "wrong"? Or are you not (OP)?
>take pills to feel like a normal man
>take pills and mutilate your body to feed into your delusions of being a woman
Either way you're going to get drugged up. You can't just talk someone out of having mental disorder.
hey op. you don't have to trust what I say but I am a girl. I'm curious about what you think is so enticing about being part of this sex. I myself am ugly and introverted, so I guess I don't do the fun girly things like wear makeup and go clubbing in tight dresses mtfs seem to enjoy. My body is just a lump of skin like yours. Why do you think you would be happy if you had this body?
>also, I'm sorry to hear that you've been living with such a huge problem on your brain. I sincerely hope you have some kind of breakthrough and your life gets better.
I was answering >>What would you envision your female life to be like? As if the question was "how do you envision your life if you were born a girl" not "how would you envision your life as a trans girl"
>see a girl looking back
>Youth is fleeting and gravity is assured.
I would trade places with an elderly woman without a second thought. Even having a few years to live, at least I would be able to live. I don't feel like I'm living right now.
can you imagine being this girl? life would be so good
I answered that earlier in the thread. I do feel envy of girls of course, but I feel envy of guys too. I feel envy of people who are comfortable as the gender they were born as. There's nothing about actually being a girl that I really envy. I don't really want to wear makeup that badly, definitely don't want to go clubbing and I don't really like showing off skin or anything like that. I don't know much about what mtfs do.
>I'm curious about what you think is so enticing about being part of this sex.
Nothing. There are lots of perks to being a girl and lots of perks to being a guy. Some guys will naturally benefit from the perks of being a guy, some guys might see advantages of being a girl and feel that would suit them better. Personally the advantages of being a guy 'fit' my personality / lifestyle better I suppose. My feelings are irrational and have been with me since I was a small child. I just feel awful about my body. It's not ugly, I'm healthy, in decent shape, there's nothing wrong with it. It just feels wrong. When I see a girl I think "Why am I not like that?" When I was younger, my instinct was "isn't that how I'm supposed to be"? but I've kind of washed that line of thinking away.
I never stated that they should or shouldn't, in fact I never stated anything about sexual reassignment. I only stated that treating someone with an identity disorder with anti psychotics is seriously fucked up. I cycle between risperdol and pimozide for schizophrenia, being a tranny isn't even remotely the same level. It is a moderate disorder at best and one that can be treated without pysch drugs
>It is a moderate disorder at best
It's so moderate that people who have it desire to completely change their body, mutilate it, and usually want to kill themselves both before and after the process.
>can be treated without pysch drugs
I wouldn't say injecting external sexual hormones and cutting up your body is much of a treatment.
People kill themselves because of how society reacts to them.
No one tells a schizophrenic to kill himself when he goes to a psychiatrist to get help for his condition. Your parents don't disown you when you get help for schizophrenia either.
A disconnection from reality is so vastly different than what you are trying to make it seem to be. Trannies do not have psychosis
But you cannot live life as if you were born a girl. That physically can't happen, and can't be changed.
So, going to the old lady. Looking back at your life, in what ways has it been a success? Did you adopt children? Did you contribute to society? Will you be leaving a legacy?
Then why are trannies still suicidal even when they're in an accepting area?
People with gender dysphoria often believe they were literally born in the wrong body. As if there was any possibility of them being born in any other body. Just because it's easier to play along with their game, that doesn't mean they don't have a disassociation with reality.
I'm saying you're stuck in a routine and hindered by your current life. You find escapism with nature, bump it up a notch, do the appalachian trail and forget all your worries behind you. You're stuck in one little state, but the world is so much bigger.
Kek, man you are going to be so fucked up
>Then why are trannies still suicidal even when they're in an accepting area?
But they usually aren't
>But you cannot live life as if you were born a girl. That physically can't happen, and can't be changed.
What do you mean that physically can't happen?
If a girl wakes up, brushes her teeth, goes to work, comes home and watches tv every day, and a man does that too, they're living the same life. The difference is that the girl sees herself as a girl and people treat her like a girl, and the guy sees himself as a guy and people treat him as one. Obviously there are some gender specific activities. A guy can't be pregnant. But an infertile girl can't be either, but she's still a girl.
>Looking back at your life, in what ways has it been a success? Did you adopt children? Did you contribute to society? Will you be leaving a legacy?
Do you think any of that shit even matters to someone who lives an agonizing existence? Problems come in priority. If someone is starving to death their primary concern is eating food, not whether they 'contributed to society'. If someone is in danger of being attacked or killed, their priority is getting to safety, not what legacy they'll leave behind. When you have a problem that is all consuming and constant, everything else is secondary.
>I don't take them anymore
And a good thing that you don't, you should look into the long term effects on the brain of these drugs.
>People kill themselves because of how society reacts to them.
The problem is that there's no real way to prove whether this is actually because of muh transphobic discrimination or is because of the disorder itself - because the mere fact that a difference between tranny/non-tranny suicide rates is automatically assumed by shitlibs to be because of "transphobic oppression".
I mean fuck, is there any mental disorder where suicide rates were equal to or lower than the "normal-minded" average?
>I'm already strongly considering suicide
Why wouldn't you try having a sex change first? Bottom line, you're just in a shitty situation, and you have to pick the lesser of two evils: the 'wrong' of being transgender, or the 'wrong' of being utterly miserable and killing yourself. I think I'd take the former over the latter, personally. At least it has the potential to not be so miserable and not make you want to kill yourself. It's better to be right(er) with yourself and wrong with society than vice versa, I think.
sorry to break it to you but you will never be a girl.
i pains me to type this as i know you are in great pain but you need to change your mind i suggest speaking to your subconscious through lucid dreaming trust me its not /x/ tier shit its literally your only hope. or you can commit suicide like you are considering
You should realise that there is real world outside tumblr. There are whole countries, european and well developed, where people don't accept your new-age notions. I understand that you base your knowledge on how things are in the USA, most likely, but again thank god, there are other countries too.
Where, yes, you will be tolerated in a sense that people won't stone you if they notice you're a guy wearing a dress but won't support your ~unusual lifestyle either.
Asian, middle eastern, and south american countries have more transsexuals than north american and European countries. The most sex change operations in the world happen in Saudi Arabia and Thailand, America isn't even close
>Where, yes, you will be tolerated in a sense that people won't stone you if they notice you're a guy wearing a dress but won't support your ~unusual lifestyle either.
I think you meant
>yes, there are third world countries
That is actually really interesting, because we see so many posts aiming at the girly-girl image and you don't sound like that.
I'm another femanon, and agree with the earlier post that my own body isn't that comfortable. In fact, it's really hard to get me out of my bra because I don't like the skin touching.
I think maybe you should be talking to a counselor instead of this board. They'd be a lot more sensitive
just start the process OP. go to a psychiatrist and tell them you want to be a woman and ask them to help you. You need to go through a long vetting process to ensure you actually need the surgery. They'll explore alternative avenues to help cope with your feelings before you will even legally be allowed to get a sex change.
In that time you'll have plenty of opportunity to back out or try something else. Just be honest about how you feel. Idiots on tumblr will tell you "don't show doubt, they'll use it to block you!" The reality is that professionals arent going to just send you into surgery because that surgery on most people would cause the exact problems that are looking to be fixed. all the idiots on tumblr who couldnt get their surgery would likely kill themselves if they actually went through with it.
whether or not yours is legit is up to a professional.
I've been to many, for years and years. Whenever I talk to someone new they usually try to exhaust every other option before officially diagnosing me with gender dysphoria. And when they do, they don't ever push for transition, though they usually say that I should consider it. I'm just too fucking weak to go through with it, I don't have confidence in myself. I sometimes think it would be better for me to kill myself and not have everyone find out about it (except my parents, who already know)
There's already two therapists I could talk to tomorrow and they would give me the letter to start hormone therapy on the spot, they've already told me they would if I wanted it.
Just get on some decent meds and start either make yourself forget or get hypnotized.
There's no point in transitioning until they somehow perfect working vaginal transplants.
Which means never.
Or 500 years from now.
Either end up a mutilated ugly freak or get sedated so you aren't nearly as miserable.
The said different things but it basically summed up to: they can't in all good conscious recommend anything strongly other than transition since that actually has statistical data showing that it has a *decent* chance of making things better. I tried antidepressants for a while but they didn't help and I didn't like how they made me feel. They recommended getting a hobby, religion, volunteering, exercising, meeting new friends, one of them even recommended finding people for safe sex or trying weed, anything that would make life just a little better for me. They basically both said that transition would help with my dysphoria, but it could possibly add many new problems and that my overall net happiness / misery could be just as bad if not worse if my transition doesn't go well. Though, one of the therapists told me personally that she had confidence that I could pass if I was serious about it.