Please help me write a list of things I should do before I kill

cut fingernails and shave
use vacuum cleaner
jack off
eat pork roast
rewatch complete Daria series
fly to Andaman and chill on the beach
find true love
then kill yourself

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>>25995400
take dmt.
just do it, and do it right.

>>25995632
>>25995675

I meant to make things easier on the people that will have to take care of things once I'm gone.

>>25995760
Leave information about bank-account behind, I guess.

>>25995400
Live a full life, after you're dead then kill yourself.

>>25995400

write down passwords for things people might want to access

write suicide letter

write letter forgiving anyone you need to

write letter apologizing to loved ones

shower

try to take a shit and piss before you off yourself

how are you going to off yourself?

>>25996049
Train.
Neck on tracks in dead of night.

Thank you for your suggestions.

empty your bowels

>>25995400
Rampage.
Don't go out of this world alone OP. Go with others. You can free them too.

>>25996110
I live in the UK.

>>25996158
I'm so sorry for you. They don't even make it easy to shoot up a theater there do they?

>>25996502
No, they don't.

I'd be a fantastic school shooter. I think I've missed my calling.

Take some colon cleanser shit and empty your bowels before you do it so nobody has to deal with your shit covered corpse.

>>25996070
that's fucking dumb dude.

>>25996534
Why don't you come to America and shoot up one of our "cinemas?"
I just bought an ar15 lower today and it took me about 10 minutes.

>>25996559
What is your suggestion?

I live in the UK.
By all accounts helium is now adulterated with oxygen so I can't make an exit bag.

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>>25996070
Definitely take laxatives or something to empty your bowels beforehand.

Also shotgun blast to the head see pic related:

>>25996587

I'd quite like that, but it's harder than that. Even in Florida they wouldn't let me shoot a handgun in a range without some sort of hunting license.

>>25996592
Just slit your wrists or hose from car exhaust to your mouth. Only assholes would make others feel guilty because you made them kill you.

>>25996713
>slit your wrists

Dumb suggestion. Drop hanging is the best. Done right it pretty much guarantees a painless death.

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Leave 1 file on a hard-drive. Something that will completely perplex people.

>>25996749
Drop hanging is in theory the best, but incredibly difficult to get it right as a one man job.

I can't be making a gallows in my back garden.

>>25996592

Can I suggest that you don't do this at all, Anon? Please, there must be somebody out there who this will upset. Things can only get better.

>>25996644
They probably just needed some sort of ID. I've never seen a hunting license required for range use.
In a lot of states you can just go to the gun-store and buy a rifle with just your driver's license. They will phone in a background check, but as long as you don't already have a criminal record, it's like a 20 minute ordeal tops, in and out of the store.

>>25996793
It just sank in that he might actually do it and I gave him advice on how to.

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>>25996784
>I can't be making a gallows in my back garden.


Well you could, if anyone asks you could say it's for a play or something.

>>25996784
>incredibly difficult to get it right

Not really. As long as you know how to tie a noose (which is way easier than you may think), and you have a high enough drop point, you're pretty much set.

>>25995400
funerals are expensive so make sure your family can afford it . if not postpone killing yourself until you can pay for it . also pay for sex , smoke some weed .

You should try DMT before you off yourself.

That's on my bucket list. It's used to comfort people dying of cancer, so maybe it could bring some closure to your life too.

>>25996816
Most of them do. Or maybe 50-50, you can tell when its a kid or an older guy who wants to do it, this I is thinking ahead I think hes real.

>>25996793
There will be people that are upset. How do I explain to them that I am thankful for everything and that I am sorry? I've tried telling loved ones before that I don't want to live, I'm just hanging on and that if something like that ever does happen, even an accident, please know that I am finally at peace.

>>25996842
He won't need a funeral if they can't find his body.
OP, Do it somewhere really remote and then nobody will ever be sure what happened to you.
Your friends or family will hold out hope for years that maybe you aren't dead, until inevitably some hiker finds your body in the brush 15years after the fact.

>>25996842
>if not postpone killing yourself until you can pay for it

Not OP, but that's what i've done. I put away a few thousand euros to pay for expenses that my funeral may bring up.

I think my only real issue is how will i know this money ever gets to my family? Do i write them a note telling them?

It'd be a bit obvious if i started transferring them large quantities of money.

>>25996919
I think I will withdraw all my money and mail it to my cousin.

OP? Are you still here? Killing myself tomorrow and completing my checklist right now. What do you wanna know?

>>25996894

But anon, you don't have to do this. Suicide is forever, there is no going back. I understand it might feel like the best way out now but tomorrow you may feel different. You're willing to end everything, but you could do so much more with you life because you've already reached that point of desperation.

Please, please think about it. Just spend a few days living your life as though they were your last days on earth, doing what you truly love. Hopefully this will make you remember why being alive can be wonderful.

>>25996904
Unless he travels to the middle of the amazon rain forrest, there is no way to guarantee that his body would never be found.

Also it solves nothing. It doesn't take the pain away.

>Your friends or family will hold out hope for years
in my own opinion, that is way more cruel than straight out suicide. At least with suicide people KNOW for sure, and can at least TRY to move on.

>>25996919
Attach the money to your suicide note

>>25995400

Call the Samaritans, I'm serious.

You'll need to quit 4chan, probably on a permanent basis, this place is fucking depressing enough.

Start exercising once per day (could even just be a walk if you're not used to leaving the house), try adding more structure to your life - this can all be done with CBT on the NHS. I've been there man, at my lowest point - had chronic genital pain for 2 & 1/2 years and I was only 17, didn't want to live because I couldn't face an entire life with physical dick pain and also being a virgin.

(Inb4 got AIDS from a toilet seat - it was muscle-related)

Eventually found out what it was thanks 2 internets and completely turned my life around since then. Now I know I'll never kill myself because no problem can't be fixed.

This could be you. You're not a coward; face your problems.

I remember hearing the main reason people quit suicide help line places so fast is not what I thought it would be, getting annoyed by kids looking for attention but a lot of their job is talking to older people in actual physical pain that want to see their dead friends and relatives again, and they have to convince to keep feeling the physical pain, and they would call like a month later, and they would convince them to keep feeling the pain. They realize how many people really do need to die and they quit the job.

>>25996959
I'm still here.
I want to know that it's not going to go wrong. I want to know that I'll finally be ok. Is it like sleep? I think it is. I don't know I've been sleeping until I'm awake. I hope it's like that. What do you think?

go to the south pole

>>25997034
Call a suicide help line.

>>25997034
It's probably just like sleep, but there's always the chance that we're wrong and there's life after death. Basically, if you're ever going to make it happen, you need to accept that you're afraid of death. You need to admit that you don't wanna die. You really just want things to get better. If there's any chance of things getting better, you won't go through with it, nor should you. Also, map out your suicide exactly and tell it to us. Try to leave no qualms unsettled before you go. Leave no backup, but only if there's no chance in Hell of things ever getting better.

>>25997034
Death brings nothing. Now that SOUNDS scary, but you can't actually experience nothing. People picture an ever lasting blackness, but an ever lasting blackness is SOMETHING.

By definition you can not experience nothing.

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Print out a bunch of pictures of pic related or your 3d waifu and glue them to your body.

>>25997034
yeah not worth it.

Think about it this way:

Stay alive; life might get better
Die; nothing gained, everything lost.

Went to the wake of a friend who killed himself recently. So many people showed up for his funeral they had to hold the ceremony outside.

Don't do it. You said you live in UK, whereabouts?

>>25997019
I don't spend much time here. I do spend too much time on the computer, though.
The past couple of days I have been making models with my uncle. I have half painted a 1970 Impala.
I fell off my motorcycle last night, just in the garden. I do get out, sometimes.

I am trying to face my problems (I am glad yours worked out.). I have been trying to get help through the NHS mental health service in my area. It feels as though I have to prove myself. I am diagnosed ADHD and ODD. I am almost 100% certain I have high functioning autism/aspergers. It is on my medical records, but documentation has been lost.

My next appointment is Thursday, with the social worker. He'll just tell me to go to the youthclub.

I am glad you are doing ok, and it wasn't AIDS from a toilet seat. That's a shit deal.
>>25997072
The Samaritans can't comment on things. They can just give non-committal grunts.

>>25997027
That's pretty god damned sad TBQH.
I've seen family members die and most of them just want a way out at the end of it all to escape the pain.

>>25997123
I understand, thank you for telling me that. I do wish things were better. I just don't see it happening, and I can't cope with another 40+ years of what I've experienced so far in life. Thank you for your advice.
>>25997199
It might, but it probably won't, not before it gets much, much worse.
I am sorry to hear about your friend.
East Anglia.
>>25997027
Yes, my friends mother works for Samaritans, has done for years. The callers that don't say anything, but call once a week are among the worst on their minds.

>>25995400
if I get dubs you can't kill yourself.

if I get trips you have to do it tonight

>>25997454
>I can't cope with more of the same
You will when you're right there about to do it. Honestly, if there's ANY hope, no matter how small it is, you won't (and shouldn't) do it. You know deep inside that you want to at least try. You know that no matter how afraid you are that things won't change, you'll never be as scared as you are when looking death in the face.

Hire a notary so ur family dont come sifting through your personal stuffs

>>25997480
it is decided

>>25996750
>THIS
there is literally no point of going out if you don't leave behind an enigmatic and terrifying riddle that includes /r9k/
It will be more than you're death, you will be reborn in a way
>tfw the mystery you leave behind will have a more fulfilling existence than you ever could

>>25995400
Shit and dont eat for 24 hours, you don't want your lifeless body shitting all over yourself

>>25997535
I have tried. Despite all my knowledge about suicide I decided to do it with pills. I took three months worth of mood stabilisers and beta blockers, I figured that'd fuck me up good and proper. Spent an hour drinking and cutting the pills open to dump them all in some cider and chugged it down, I woke up several hours later and had extreme vertigo, my eyes were all out of whack (not focusing, being wonky, double vision), and I could barely move for throwing up bile. You know what scared me the most? I was worried I'd fucked my kidneys and I'd have one of those edgy teen deaths over the course of a few days with acute kidney poisoning. that was the only time I tried except for several failed attempts at suspension hanging that I couldn't complete because I set it up wrong and I'd stand/fight my way out of the situation before I went unconscious.

I want things to get better. I just, I don't see it happening. Honestly. I'm about to not have a place to live at the end of March. Due to my circumstances it's very hard to get a private landlord to agree to me, and the council waiting list is very backdated. This is my most pressing issue, it's a tough one to solve.

>>25997745
Suicide by pill has a very high survival rate. This is not me trying to tell you to fond a different way, just don't bother man. I mean that in a nice way, because you WILL survive, and you WILL end up with permanent health problems because of it.

>>25997848
Yes, I knew that before I went in, I was hoping it'd just fuck me. I was desperate enough to try something I know 90% of the time doesn't work. I'll never try that again.

At this point, my fellow robots, it's turning into some sort of blog post.
I'd like to thank you all for your pointers. I've expanded my to-do list somewhat considerably. I'm gradually working on each point. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and the sun will be shining, Ill go on a nice ride, and I'll wonder what I was thinking. It's happened before, I'm sure it has just as much chance of happening again.

Have a good evening, and thank you.

>>25996968
Not OP but what if you don't feel different tomorrow? What if you've felt like this for years and see no way for things to get better?

Make a will and detail your funeral. Also perhaps set aside money to help cover costs of funeral, casket, etc

>>25998172
>And every day he keeps believing that tomorrow will be be better.
He'll be just like the rest of the population.