Exercise - Every other day, Maybe starting every day, Biking with resistance for 20 minutes. Tire myself the fuck out. ( though I'm usually tired as hell from my erratic sleep schedule) Internet - R9k open, pol open , 1 PDF file for Philosophy/Math I'll never finish, Stream open to have constant audio applied to my brain, 2 other tabs open i switch between (Youtube, Proofwiki, Bay12games, Manga)
Need those 24/7 distractions. Give me escapism or give me death!
I work at a daycare and I couldn't imagine killing myself because then my coworkers would have to explain to the kids why Mr. Anon is not coming back. Kids that age shouldn't have to deal with knowing a person who died.
In addition, I have a niece who is just 2, she wouldn't remember me but I can't be the second uncle she has that commits suicide. It simply would not be right.
Lastly, beside the obvious (parents) is my politics. one of the few joys I have left is listening to mark Levin, Rush, and all those people. I also enjoy working for campaigns.
So there it is, that is what keeps me going, it isn't much but it is my life.
>>25980844 Man, I'm so out of backlog. Games and films and anime are all getting stale, I feel like I've played all the good video games already. I used to get high and spend all night playing the shit in my backlog, nowadays I can't even find a good game or anime to spend the night.
Porn, or roleplaying I'm a giant women/man online with chubby tumblrruina's I meet over my porn blog and creating puesdo realtionships with them. Dating sites hoping to find someone I can have some companionship. Some vidja. I don't do THAT bad in school, just Ok.
But overall the thought of killing myself seeps in sometimes and it's all I can think about.
The world is fucking rotted to its core. The women are all shallow, vacuous, soulless shells. The men are all testosterone-addled chimps who can only think with their fists or their dicks. The powerful elite accumulate mass amounts of wealth while starting wars full of horrific carnage and destruction and keeping the rest of the world poor and suffering. Few people are intellectuals, and those who are display a pompous, pretentious, elitist attitude that makes me wanna fucking punch their genitals.
Fuck this stupid fucking pathetic hopeless retarded planet.
I fucking know I do, but it's just because I'm so fucking angry and paranoid all the goddamn time. I haven't slept in four fucking days because I'm always just seething or crying or feeling completely numb.
I was extremely depressed and alone and was thinking of ending it all. I ended up meeting a girl online and everything was perfect. I was starting to turn my life around getting healthy and applying for a lot of jobs but lately she's been a little distant and its getting worse. I love her so much but I think she's finally tired of me. I was always scared of this outcome but ended up falling for her anyways. If we cant work things out I'm pretty much done with everything and I'll probably an hero soon. She was the last light in my life and if its gone there's no point in going on.
>>25980388 i spend all day surfing pol and r9k and watching youtube videos that aren't very interesting. i occasionally play games on my phone because i can't run anything on my laptop. nothing is really interesting anymore and i hate doing this same thing over and over again more every day. i think i'm going crazy or something, i need to get a job or kill myself, dunno which.
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