I'm talking about the one that randomly pops into your head late at night and makes you literally grimace at how autistic it is
My entire life is the cringy memory that randomly pops into my head late at night and makes me literally grimace at how autistic it is
There are so many, my entire life is a cringy autistic memory that I try not to think about, they're not even funny in retrospect, they're just like "What the fuck is wrong with me". Now I'm just trying to continue with my life without making new autistic memories, but ultimately I fail in doing that.
The thing is they are not even funny, even if I greentexted some of them you would just be like, "Dude why would you think that was a good idea" or some shit like that. They are not entertaining.
I have some but they're more autistic than cringy, here's one that happened not too long ago
>be told to go back to reddit for using be me
>mom tells me to get stuff from shop
>too far to walk and can't drive so use bus
>qt gets on
>don't worry it's not as if she's going to sit near a disgusting robot like you anyway
>'is this seat free'
>press up as close to the window as possible to avoid making contact
>aware that I must look like a retard but I don't know what else to do
>she leans against my shoulder
>her hair smells like strawberries
>fuck she's too close to me
>get off at next stop and walk the rest of the way
>takes like half an hour
>sitting next to my crush
>start caressing her hand with my fingertips in really creepy way
>shocked and disgusted look on her face
>she says nothing, gets up and leaves
>we never talk about it
Okay, I lied. This does hurt.
Sorry robro - You're right
>in college studying IT
>sitting beside girl
>kawaii japanese 6.4/10
>I have a LoL binder
>Actually starts talking to me about it
>I'm trying to be funny and it's actually working
>She touches my hand while laughing
>With out thinking I pull my eyes to slits and say 'kawaii desu senpaiiiii' and laugh
>She gives me a weird look
>I'm pretty sure she told me to fuck off in Japanese.
>Never even looked at me for the rest of the course
First one that comes to mind is...
>several years ago
>Best friends mom is hot milf
>they go away on vacation for a week
>I break into their house and go straight to panty drawer
>wear her lingerie and masturbate in her bed
>call out her name when I cum
>steal a selection of panties for next time I want to fap
>take them back when I feel guilty
I think the fact I returned the panties is the biggest cringe of all.
>Stare at peoples crotch when talking to them
>Not even being a pervert, I just do it habitually.
>I've been called out for this 5 times and not kindly
>Still end up doing it
>be playing game with stepbrotjer
>he is h
throwing a ball at me and i cant get the ball so i can throw it at him
>i get the ball and he says he is done playing but i throw it at him anyway
>he gets the ball back and starts chucking it at me
>i start crying because it isnt fair
>he tells his dad
>he doesnt do anything
i swear if i had the chance to without reperussions i would break that kid's teeth
Ok here is one.
>Be me 18, almost 19 virgin.
>Make a tinder because why not.
>Start talking to this 5'1 chubby girl, she actually is relatively attractive for a fat girl.
>Meet her a few times and we talk in my car, she seems like she likes me I guess.
>After we met and talked on 2 separate occasions she texts me saying she wants to get pizza and have sex.
>instant boner, heart starts racing, get super excited I'm about to lose my virginity.
>I drive to her house, which is like 20 minutes away to pick her up and drive her to my house, we couldn't fuck at her house but we could at mine.
>We get naked in my bed and she puts her mouth on my penis.
>I'm not even exaggerating here, she blows me for 5-7 seconds before I cum on her lips.
>Get super embarrassed I came so fast, start apologizing to her, she says it's alright.
>Tell her if she waits 10 minutes I can get another boner and we could fuck but she says shes not in the mood anymore. I drive her home without losing my virginity.
>By some weird miracle she texts me again like 4 days later says she wants to try sex again.
>Again I pick her up and drive her to my house.
>This time I insist she doesn't give me a blow job so at least I could put my penis in her.
>I put on a condom, but I could not get more than a halfway erection. Maybe it was because I was nervous or I watch to much porn, but I could not maintain more than a semi.
>I try to fuck her with my limp slightly hard penis, took me like 2 minutes to get it inside her.
>We end up having the most mediocre sex imaginable for like 4 minutes before we stopped.
>I try to eat her out so she could feel some form of satisfaction but she insists I don't.
>Drive her home again, she never responded to my texts after that.
>Still follow her on instagram to see what her fat ass is doing.
So thats how I lost my virginity. Fuck my life.
>Parents force me to live with a roommate in college
>Sit on bed instead of desk so screen isn't visible
>Look at unforgivable hentai
>Do this for weeks upon weeks
>Realize he could see the screen through the mirror on the wall right next to me the entire time
Here's some shopping autism for you anon
>continuation of previous greentext
>finally manage to make it to store
>fuck i don't know where anything is
>too autistic to ask assistant for help so just wander around aisles
>eventually end up walking through same aisle multiple times
>assistant comes up to me
>'a-are you okay sir'
>yeah haha its fine
>'alright sir, just ask if you need any help'
>finally find the shit mom wants
>someone else is reaching for same thing
>have to awkwardly stare at cookies for 5 mins until the other person leaves
>finally manage to make it to checkout alive
>self checkout because too autistic to make small talk with cashier
>coke doesn't scan
>what's wrong with this shit
>PLEASE WAIT, AN ASSISTANT WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY
>assistant is top qt, she shows me how to scan the stuff properly
>at one point she even takes my hand in hers while doing it
>have to make autistic small talk anyway
>Have multiple boards open
>Accidentally post something in the wrong thread
>Get super nervous and don't visit 4chan for days
Ooh, that one actually hurt. You stupid fucking donkey
>cousin thought it would be funny to shove a marker up my ass
>hurt like hell and cap came off the marker and got stuck up my ass
>aunt and uncle don't want to take me to the hospital, again, so aunt decides to go fishing for it up my ass.
>20 minutes of aunts fingers up my bum she manages to get the thing out
>cousin gets yelled at for yet again doing something really weird to me
In retrospect i don't know why I ever hung out with her I was always get hurt or into really shitty situations because of her.
>best friend stays over
>we always punched each other in the nuts
>one thing led to another and we gave each other handjobs that night
>never talked about it again
Its a long one and kinda boring but fuck it
>somehow manage to get oneitis to go over to house (her idea actually)
>house is alone except for us
>she asks me to give her a tour
>already dropping spaghetti as we walk to my room
>room is bland and sterile, bleached white walls vacant of any posters, jail cells have more personality
>consoles and computer covered in thick layer of dust, bed is done atleast
>she hopes on my bed and asks if I can lend her a dry pair of socks since it was raining oputsid
>go over to cabinet to pull out socks
>condom goes flying out from inside when I lost the sock
>scramble to pickk it up hoping that she didnt see it
>as she removes her boots footfag instincts kick in and I ask if she wants a foot massage
>she looks at me weirdly and mumbles out "uhh no thanks"
> instead of responding nonchalantly I say "joykill" she murmurs an almost inaudible "hmm interesting..."
>ignore it and go make her a salad but not before taking two shots of tequila
>come back with shitty salad, turns out she hates tomatoes
>after I remove the tomotoes we head over to the living room and play smash 4
>get really into it and wreck her with ganon look over and she looks tired or bored maybe both
>she decides to sleep on my couch while I go get her a blanket
>rest my head on her ass while she falls asleep
>alcohol kicks in and end up falling asleep as well, when I wake up shes gone
>realize afterwards how I fucked it all up
>In research while in college
>Professor makes me present at research conferences
>Hanging up poster
>TA pulls around, asks if he could bring some students by to see what goes into research
>Group of like 25 Chad/Stacey freshmen come up
>Try talking, doesn't work, obviously I'm very scared
>See them snickering to themselves
>Cut it short and try not to cry as they walk away laughing about me