I really want to kill myself, how do I find motivation to keep going despite hating my life completely?
I completely agree with this. I plan on joining the army soon as well.
Well, for one, stop browsing this negative shit hole. This is the place for people that do not want to improve and people who do not believe happiness is possible. It's the place for failures and losers. Birds of a feather flock together and if you spend your day browsing this pile of shit board all day, you will be as miserable and as much of a loser as everyone here.
This isn't the place you find motivation and it sure as shit isn't the place you should go to if you feel like you "want to belong". This is the setting ground for eventual suicide. Don't go here.
What you should do instead, is surround yourself on boards with Anons, who have experienced what you have and will understand your plight, but also Anons who want to improve and don't spend their day whining.
Places like this:
4chan: /fit/ /adv/[some threads]
Cripplechan: /improve/ /hope/ /fit/ /kind/