How do you do it? How do you create purpose when meaninglessness outweighs the idea itself? It's like noticing yourself forcing a smile for the camera whilst your soul is decaying and no positive energy actually dwells within. Every arbitrary goal I set for myself, no matter the difficulty, provides no internal sense of accomplishment.
I'm losing myself in this battle.
The goals I set revolve around myself, yes...
I help others often (family, friends). I've even volunteered to a few different communities to help less fortunate. The whole making a difference even on an individual level doesn't do much for me anymore.
Stop thinking. Stop thinking now. No more thoughts. Live through your feelings. Are you hungry? Go eat. Feel lonely? Approach someone and talk. Thinking about anything leads to doubt. Ever done something then ask yourself "why did I do that? There's no point". Here's the answer, "I felt like it." Simple is best.
Then Camus is all I can think of otherwise. I don't see anything better than The Myth of Sisyphus even though I too am not wholly satisfied by it
This one is interesting too. Making your own purpose works til you get bored of it then you are just as list as ever. Should you make a plan B? Like I really wanna study math but if I get bored I'll just read? I don't see anything outside of the absurd though. We search for answers in a world where there are none. You could live in the moment and duck shit up with friends but its fleeting. You could just continue to search for some sort of epistemological truth but philosophy appears to be at a standstill. Empirically the best course of action to find more answers would be to increase your own inteligence one way or another or buy yourself more time to search. However that won't gurantee anything. We have knowledge of how the universe was before how long after the big bang? What if its just some cruel asymptotal joke and we'll never get there? How do you reconcile meaning with an infinite universe where there are so many other potential "yous." Then there is whether or not there is even a self...
There is an unfathomable tall mountain. Do you attempt to climb it or stay at the bottom?
The Stranger is the other one people talk about. I can't really help you much beyond that, I gotta read Schopenhauer and I might check out Sartre.