Who's /unstable/ here?
Crying trying to post this. Intense self-hate and cyclic thinking that no body wants to even read this shit tier post and that I shouldn't even do it.
But not doing it is just weak and I should be stronger then that. But nope, I just cry and type this shit out while hating myself. Is there any hope?
I can talk to people and hide this shit in relationships but at home I just get angry and want to die. Even a pussy with self harm, just punch my thigh so I have a fat black bruise.
Is there an escape? Does therapy do anything? I could be successful but this shit ruins me. Hero?
Every day I go to work, I do what has to be done then go home. I hate going home, because at some point every night I switch from feeling numb to slowly melancholic self loathing.
I fear it and I know it comes every fucking night, try to keep my mind busy but slowly I can't concentrate and I get fixated on shitty thoughts till I find myself in that shit hole of a mood.
exactly, is just a slow spiral till every night its just laying in bed waiting for a quick death.
You know, I have long wondered why people said about me that I
>am always "different"
>am a pussy for crying in class while listening to a (touchy) song
>am a psycho for flipping tables radomly in a fit of rage
and so on. Now I suspect I either do it for the attention or I have BPD. How to live with this unstable emotions guys?
Maybe drugs help? Thats why therapy might work if they can dope you up. But again I'm too weak to seek help like that? Positive life changes? No way. Thats be responsible and smart to do, can't do that.
Jesus fk. You guys need to work out for at least an hour every day. All these thoughts and feelings will start to go away i promise. I know 100% most of you do not work out. And when I say work out, I mean 3 sets of 10 or 15 reps of upper body and lower body. You will love yourself after you start seeing results and you immediately feel better after working out. Also you need to make sure you have protein to eat right after, no later than 30 mins. The best I find so far is chicken breast lightly seasoned and black beans lightly seasoned and some broccoli. You will feel so good. Try this please before giving up completely. And if you cant afford this food that is bullshit because you would then qualify for food stamps which is like $200 a month which is tons of food for one person.
I am this >>25831481 guy, I noticed methyl-phenidate (baby adderall, used in Krautistan for ADD treatment) improves not only my brain, but also my emotions. Also gives you massive motivation.
There's no escape from this hell.
I've gotten somewhat used to the reckless spending, abusing alcohol, mood swings and I feel more like a shell of a person without an identity now.
The worst part is the idealization of people, I could never have a healthy relationship because of this stupid BPD. I've been obsessing over my equally crazy neighbor for weeks now and I know that deep down if I ever get to know him it will end in disaster because he's just another crusty boy and not the person I make him to be.
I idealization is real. The worst is when I make a friend who I begin to idealize then just fucks me over. I just want to crawl into a hole and die.
At least you manage to connect with people anon. I only have one person I'd consider a true friend through my entire life.
torture, mindbreak, dolls, clowns, cannibalism, necrophilia, possession, blood, sex in public...
>sex in public
Fucking noice, patrician taste. I already fell for you.
For me it also is
>body-corruption (holes appearing, skin tearing, etc.)
>and the stuff in pic related
Dammit girl, why must you torment so, now Imma have to jack off.