I am 23 years old. I have been dating this guy for 2 years now. We live together, but he is constantly in and out of work. I liked our old situation better. When he lived at his mom's, and I would come over on the weekends and fuck like rabbits. We actually had time to miss each other, etc. It was good, there was space. Now we drive each other crazy with our habits and there is a lot of term oil. He recently got hired on to a new job, he starts in 2 weeks. However, I don't have faith in him to keep a hold of it for longer than 2 months. I love him, but... his on and off employment, and how we are struggling has left me thinking...
"If we do break up, I could find someone who makes a lot of money, and spends time with me. Someone older, who knows how to handle relationships better and is responsible."
Is this really such a terrible thought to have? I haven't dated anyone rich before, and I don't like to be showered with gifts, or anything like that. All of my other boyfriends have had work, this is the first relationship where this has been an issue. I have always worked, also. Well, if I wasn't working, I had enough money saved up to always pay for my own things.
Isn't it kind of embarrassing that I am paying for all of his things? Isn't that emasculating? I'm not well off myself, I work minimum wage... and supporting him is draining my bank account.
It's just the idea of someone who is completely financially secure... who can handle his own, is really appealing. I'm not saying I'm going to leave him, it'd be too hard. The only way we are splitting is if he breaks up with me. Just if things end... I'm going to look for somebody who makes a lot of money.
it doesn't matter, life is meaningless, and then you die
No, I am asking a legitimate question. Men want certain things about women, also... So can you really legitimately blame a woman seeking out a wealthy partner? It goes both ways, both genders are shallow when seeking mates.
I would actually have to love the person, though. I'm attractive enough, but I don't think I'm 300 million dollars attractive, no way. I was thinking more of somebody who made around 70-100k a year... but I guess if you're that rich, you don't consider people in that bracket "rich."
You sound like a fucking bitch who doesn't give two shits about the guy. Because let's face facts, if you gave a shit about him you wouldn't care about money, you would only care about him and his personality and your chemistry. But no, you're losing your shit over money. You don't care about him, you only care about his money and the fact that he doesn't have enough for your tastes. So go ahead and dump him. You'll be doing him a favor, you shallow fuck.
>we drive each other crazy with our habits and there is a lot of term oil
> Implying women want money
This is a screenshot of my bank account. Actually, it's a screenshot of my bank account from a couple of months ago, it's larger now.
And guess what? I've never had a girlfriend and no woman has ever been attracted to me.
OP, you're correct that both men and women are shallow when seeking mates, but women are shallow in that the *only* thing that matters to them are "alpha" male qualities like dominance, self-confidence, aggression, etc. This is probably why you're still with your dead-beat boyfriend. If you're shy or socially awkward, like I am, it doesn't matter what you look like, no woman will ever want to have anything to do with you.
>woman seeking out a wealthy partner
You're literally a whore though. There is a price a man can pay for you to open your legs and become his cum toilet.
You obviously have never been in my situation before. He expects us to live together, but he is incapable of helping out with rent, the electric bill, and the the internet bill (which I did not want him to get, he got it anyways.) We are 3 months behind on rent, and 2 months behind on the cable bill, and 2 months behind on the electric bill. This is causing a lot of anxiety and mental stress. He sits at home and plays video games, and doesn't clean most of the time. How can you say that I don't care about him, if I have stuck around all this fucking time, despite ALL OF THIS?! And it's not like I deprive him of sex, or anything like that, either. I do care. I CARE A WHOLE LOT. It's just this situation is not sustainable unless he maintains employment. Honestly, I wish we could just live separately because he has repeatedly had long stints of unemployment, and I can not afford all of this by myself.
why not take out life insurance on him and make it look like a suicide? if you're behind on your payments hmm... it'd be easy to see why he'd be stressed, i guess life insurance require a fairly long term of use though huh
Yeah, it's meaningless but I conclude all is right and keep struggling to the heights.
Why are you on this board? do you come here regularly? Why do you expect any better if you are working minimum wage? are you ugly? what do you weigh? how many partners have you had? roastie??
OP, you are justified in how you feel but you can hardly expect to come to a place like this and seek rational advice. This is /r9k/ for fucks sake, most people here haven't the slightest idea what it's like to even touch another person let alone live with them. Try /adv/ instead.
lol, you've been hanging around here so much that it's warped your view of the world. Either that or you're just looking for facebook-tier reassurance like "it's fine gurl just do ur thing".
A "gold digger" is someone who literally only cares about money. They're typically women who go after old rich men so they can use them until they're sucked dry. Then they move on to someone else without even thinking twice about it because they literally didn't care a bit about the old man behind the money. Of course, there are variations of this. Attractive women who specifically want to marry a surgeon, etc. But you get the idea.
It does not matter what that woman's experiences were. "I grew up poor" is not an excuse. This is 2016, and women can go to college and get jobs. These women just shamelessly go after a man's piggy bank using their looks and/or by manipulation because it's easier than going out and getting their own jobs. Or they're so greedy that their own money isn't enough, even when it is.
So I'm not going to sit here and give you that "oh honey you're fine" bullshit because you already know the answer. If knowing the answer on your own isn't good enough then maybe you really are a gold digger.
OP here, are you overweight? That might be why, that can be the only damn reason why. It doesn't matter if you're socially awkward, if you make as much money as you claim, I don't see how you don't have a gf unless you're either fat, or rude, or both. If you're ugly, you'd still be able to... but if you're fat, ugly, and rude, then well, yeah. I'm not trying to insult you, I am just personally asking you.
Kill yourself you illoyal whore. Guy goes trough a difficult time in life and just because he is not the most successful or lucky one, you go leech off some rich asshole. Hope the rich guy is a Patrick Bateman and makes a funny sculpture out of your dead body.
Then talk to him. I don't understand what your deal is. Are you incapable of discussing your issues with him? Is your communication that bad? Relationships are built on the ability to work through problems and no relationship has ever lasted when one side is unwilling to compromise or work through something. If he refused to get his shit together then it becomes a fundamental issue of personality chemistry and then I couldn't give less of a shit what you do because it's probably justified to leave him.
I would agree with you that this place has negatively warped my view of the world, and myself, and how I view interactions between the opposite genders, and other races. I should probably leave, honestly. I wouldn't be capable of doing that, to a person. I would not be with someone PURELY out of their money. If anything, that's what is happening to ME right now, except I don't make much. He even explained to me one time, about his previous break up... "She was my dream girl, she had a job, a car, and her own apartment." He said nothing about her personality, or chemistry, or her appearance. ONLY what she HAD, is what made her his "dream girl."
I had to pay my first bfs rent.
My current bf is an engineer. We don't have shared accounts and we go Dutch when we go out, but I never want to go back to a bf I have to pay shit for.
I also enjoy being able to go on vacation. I pay for my share but I still need a partner being able to pay for his share.
Added butthurt bonus: I sympathize with gold diggers from poor countries.
If I was born in some of the places I backpacked through, I would look for a white man with stable income, too.
And I'd make him buy a small house with hot water and electricity for my mum.
Exactly, it's not about some man buying me things, it's about the security knowing that he will always be able to hold his own. I plan on continuing to work, no matter my situation, because I feel lazy and useless if I'm not employed.
If what you're saying is true, then just find someone the same age who isn't a leech, dating someone older with money is will just make you a gold digger. Whe. He gets old and his looks fade away, then you'll just want to cheat on him.
If you both are pulling your own weight, give him a chance
In what ways is he draining your bank account? Does he ever lend you money? Are you employed?
I am not talking about seeking somebody incredibly older, I am talking about someone who is it their mid 30's. Men who are my age generally don't take dating very seriously and aren't looking to "settle down." So it seems pointless for me to try to seek them, they usually like their women barely legal anyways. They always go after the 18 year old girls.
What you have is a legitemate problem. This board isn't the place for it. All of 4chan probably isn't the place for that.
People on here are very young on average and they only see things from their perspective.
You should definitely talk to your partner and if you want advice on how to approach that conversation in a sensible way you won't get it here. Sorry.
Of course gold diggers become that way because being financially insecure sucks. Why is this worth even stating?
Thing is, you will be paying for the money in some other way. Older wealthy men who are interested in younger broke girls. Think about them for a moment.
Don't really know what to say since I'm barely legal myself. Have you tried talking to him about it? See how this job thing goes and if he's still a leech then leave. Maybe you guys aren't mature enough to settle down yet.
If you choose to settle too early it could lead to a bad mid-life crisis. But that's just speculation.
Honestly if you switched the genders of your post everyone would be telling you to ditch them. "She can't hold a stable job and still expects you to pay for the apartment? She has gross habits, wastes time all day and doesn't even clean? Man, your a cuck if you don't break it off."
TLDR: Your a cuck if you stay OP, he's using you. Nothing wrong with that, but you need to know you are.
Keep lying to yourself man its easier that way.
What is so wrong about a man being interested in younger women? Legal ones, of course... isn't that kind of natural for a man to want someone younger, a biological instinct? Plus, eventually I will age, and it's reassuring to know they will progress faster than me with such, so it'd calm down the fear of him leaving me for someone younger.
As another femanon, I disagree with this.
I don't see how a decent men can't fall in love with a younger woman as long as she's of a certain mental maturity.
A 25-year-old can be very mature and a 30-year-old can be very immature. Individuals are individuals.
I'd exclude men explicitly looking for Sugarbabes from this though, as I wouldn't trust them with serious longterm committment.
I could be generalizing, but I think it's because girls can start fucking around much earlier than guys can. In high school, if you're a decent looking girl, you will always be the first ones to get invited to parties and offered sex before any decent looking guy. Looks aren't good enough, you gotta have network, social connection, status, all that shit. And when they hit early 20's parties and socializing get easier since you're independent from your parents, able to buy booze etc. Just some food for thought.
I never understood the mentality of wanting to just sleep with a bunch of different people, I think it's gross. But it seems to be all too common, especially these days. I think people are deterred and bitter, and have baggage from being committed to someone in the past, so they rather have non-committal sex, because they can't allow themselves to trust someone again... it's a sad situation.
>I don't see how a decent men can't fall in love with a younger woman as long as she's of a certain mental maturity.
Because decent people would be aware of the power differential and take the moral responsibility seriously, and they'd be very uncomfortable getting involved with someone that much more vulnerable than themselves. It's a high standard, I know. But I see no reason to lower an obvious standard just because most people fail it. I also would advise everyone against being in a relationship with a nondecent person.
>A 25-year-old can be very mature
Yes, but how would you know, without getting involved with them? And if you got involved without KNOWING it, you already took chances on her behalf and proved yourself to be nondecent.
>OP is a dependent leech that sees men as piggy banks
>Robots giving her the time of day by replying
Never save a hoe. Hoes gonna hoe
So, wait. What's wrong with looking for someone on an equal footing with you (i.e another minimum wage drone)?
Unless you have a shining fucking personality and wisdom beyond your years (or you look like a Victoria's Secret model), I doubt you're going to have much luck finding a sugar daddy.
> I even stated earlier that I would not take advantage of their wealth.
Lets just pretend this isn't a bait thread.
Then why the fuck do you care if they have alot of money? You wouldn't make a thread about wanting to find someone who makes alot of money. You do realize it will make you a hooker right? You will be nothing more than a cheap whore for an older man with a bank account but in your deluded child like mind you think it will be different because your not like other gold diggers. You view your next potential mate as an atm machine which makes you scum.
I don't understand it either. I live near DC so I just assume it's the narcissism/ego that resonates from the politicians and military around here, or maybe I just associate with the wrong people. There are a lot of things I don't know.
My friend whose a pretty attractive guy, just spends his time fucking these ugly slutty women. He cheated on his gf last year with this drug-addicted toxic piece of human filth, and was really fucking sad when she broke up with him because of it. I dunno man, I don't understand it either.
Yes, and men who tend to do this always thinks it's worthy to brag about, which I never understood, because they are literally sleeping with the bottom of the barrel of women, not desirable, good women. Maybe they have sort of sexual compulsion disorder, or something. Or it falsely inflates their ego, somehow. I don't really know.
You are right. Women and men have obligations in their relationships. One of them is for the man to provide. To offset that, you have your own obligations, be loyal, take care of him, etc.
Yea he's guilty of that too. "Yea dude she gets really freaky in bed, she told me to just go behind and ram her haha" I tell him how disgusting she is then he says something like "fuck off at least I'm getting laid fgt", those type of guys usually lie about it anyway. When he finds out they have feelings for him afterward it boosts his ego and he brags about that too. I don't want to sound like those psuedo-intellectual fedora wearing 'nice guy' neckbeards, but it kind of pisses me off. He can't get with any good looking gals, they think he's a little creepy/rapey.
Sorry for making this thread a circle jerk, but ya, guys like that don't usually peak very long.
You're baiting, but what the hell. I'll bite.
If you choose a partner based on affluence, it speaks volumes about your character. But one of the most important things it says is that you cannot weather hardship. You'd rather just split and run off to greener pastures. And in a healthy relationship, you have to be willing to go through your collective hardships together.
Let's assume you do drop your current bf for someone with better income. And don't start with saying you'd never because you're already thinking about it, that seed is germinating. But you find someone rich and you latch onto him. What happens if he suddenly loses all his money? Shit happens, businesses fail, layoffs and downsizing, acts of god, what have you. Money comes and money goes. Suddenly you're back at square one. But hey, you can always just find someone else rich, right? But just how long can you keep doing that before you're old and used up and nobody wants you? And for all you know, all those you leave behind could well pull through and move on to much better things.
Anecdote time. My first and only gf was shallow like that. I was doing modestly when we started dating, we even got engaged. But things happened and I was on hard times for about a year. As soon as that happened she started cheating on me and quickly dropped me for someone else. I'll spare you the details of what that did to my mental health. But in the end the joke was on her, as about a year and a half later I made my first million dollars. If she had loved me for who I was and not the contents of my wallet, she'd be sharing that.
You date the person, not the bank account. And hey, if you can love him when he's poor, you'll really fucking love him if ever becomes rich.
tldr: For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.