You become a slave to it. Your whole day will revolve around where to get your next high from. The times in between make me irritable and I'm used to withdrawals but it's a bitch. Your wallet will be a lot lighter, often empty. You start sacrificing things you like to do, eating properly, sleeping schedule all to get high. You may even sell your possessions or resort to stealing if there is no other way to get it. When you're not getting high, you're thinking about getting high. You lose job opportunities because you can't piss clean or find someone to piss for you. You feel remorse every time you spend money to get it and what a disappointment you are to your family and society but none of that matters when you have the first it.
Smoked a fair amount of dank weed on the daily for over a year, then I stopped working, so I couldn't afford to anymore. It really was a crutch. All of a sudden life was bland and boring and I didn't wanna eat much, and I wasn't looking forward to anything and old suicidal and nihilistic thoughts came up. This passed in a week though, and I started to find other paths to pleasure in life, especially reading stuff that was too dense to parse while stoned.
>>25769301 you feel like doing anything like watching a movie or going out with friends is boring without it. you cant enjoy anything while sober. All your spare money goes into it, sometimes your food money if you think you can go without until you next get money. you start selling your less used possessions for cash if you think you dont need them. your house will end up being practically empty to what it once was. etc
I can definitely say that being addicted to booze is a top 3 worst addictions, the others being opiates and benzos. You drink and drink until you hit the sweet spot, the spot just after blacking out and just before passing out, where you feel normal, like the person you always thought you could be. Then you pass out, wake up feeling like shit, and it takes basically 12 hours or so until you start to feel somewhat normal again. For 10-11 of those hours, you're just spaced out and thinking about how you'll not going to drink tonight. Then you start to feel normal again, and suddenly you're at the liquor store again repeating the day before.
I'm on day 4 of sobriety here, I've quit like 5-10 times before, but this time is the time. I'm sick of the wasted money on junk food and booze, the hangovers, the depression.
>>25769913 Same boat mang. I'm hoping my memory improves because at the moment I feel like I'm legitimately retarded. I don't even drink that much, just a bottle of wine and a few beers but I down it so I get fucked quicker. Pretty sure I had scurvy earlier on in the year because I was hungover all the time and just ate shit at about 7pm when the nausea passed. Pretty close to suicide tbph senpai.
>>25769419 >>25769859 >>25769913 These are pretty spot on. I was at a point where I'd kill at least 1 to 2 bottles of liquor, then start working on a case of beer before I would black out. Rinse and repeat daily for about 7 years. I stopped after I ended up homeless and the love of my life left. The part that always gets me is that I didn't even realize I had a problem until I was outside, in the woods, shivering in the freezing cold wondering how I was going to drink.
>>25769301 Its a passing thought really. I personally beleie drugs are keeping me from killing myself, so i can only be thankful for them.
in my teen years though, i would steal and doing not the most ncie things to get drugs. i was out of control then. which got me into a little trouble. but now that i have money its all good. i make sure I have my nessisties before drugs. but drugs have saved my life.
it just becomes a habit. lie taking a shit or havinga shower. just becoms part of your daily routine and dont think twice about it.
It's not really fun, but I feel like in some strange way it's a necessity to understand modern society. Then again, I'm a degenerate druggie. Not even a full blown addict, just sort of dangling on the cusp and starting to wonder if I should turn back the other way. Been binging on meth for several days, and fell half asleep, felt weird and paranoid, and flushed the rest of it just to get rid of it and end this fucking cycle.
>>25769301 Grew an addiction on Tramadol (opioid+Serotonin reuptake inhinbitor(like an Antidepressant)) for 6 months. That time was great. When i started, all my bad feelings just got erased, i was happy and active as fuck. Depressive feelings are gone, fear is gone. You can finally enjoy life. After like 3 Months the manic happyness faded, but it still felt good, as negative feelings still couldnt get through.
Felt like i should end it and lower my tolerance so I stopped 1 week ago. It was fucking horrible. Sweat, Hot n cold at the same time, blasting diarrhea and a cramped stomache mixed up with the worst depressions ever. Day 3 was the worst, thats when i started taking DXM against the symptoms and it helped me making it through. Now Im at day 7, i rewarded myself with 100mg Tramal after a job interview and Im feeling great again.
>>25770270 Since last month I've spent $600 on an online market, mostly on heroin, along with a fair amount of weed, and speed too. I also spent $20 for weed in person, as well as $100 on grey market benzodiazepines, and $60 on nitrous oxide plus a whipped cream dispenser. Almost $800 in drugs in around a month. I've got a quarter gram of dope, an oxy, and a methadone pill on the way, and ~5 grams of weed. I even canceled an order for more nitrous to try to scale back a bit more. I'm planning on trying to use up my shit and then dry out for a while. I'm not sure how that will go, but I think I really need to give it a shot. I think this experience has shown me that I'm a little bitch who can not handle drugs as well as I thought I did, and that's an important lesson to learn. I'm guessing that's something pretty much every junkie learns.
>>25769301 When you have said drugs/alcohol? Feels great. Feels like you know the cheatcodes to life and you're winning the game.
When you DON'T have said drugs/alcohol? Feels annoying. Like you're lying in bed naked and there's dirt and pebbles in your bed, and no matter how many times you get up and try to sweep all the crap off your bed, when you lie down it's still just as uncomfortable and you got little grains of sandy bullshit sticking to your skin and you have to roll around cause everything aches and then you stand up again to dust yourself off and try to sweep that shit out of the bed again, but you lie down and it's no better than it was in the beginning. Eventually you give up trying to get out of bed and clean yourself and your bed and you just lie down horribly uncomfortable and itchy and sweaty. It's too tiring to try and make it better so you just give in to it and lie there all night miserable and unable to sleep and annoyed and angry and sad knowing that the cure to this bullshit feeling is just a pill or a drink or a bowl or a rail or an injection away.
Of course I can only speak for alcoholism and fiending for weed/morphine/codeine/cocaine.
>>25770475 I've made these posts before. I bet she likes them honestly. A little trace of all of the hateful attention she used to get. Some kind of masochist I'm sure. >>25770513 I've heard Tramadol WD's are a fucking nightmare when you have a real habit, right up there with heroin and poppy seed tea.
See, I was like this, but I never bottomed out. I drank a fifth of vodka a day for over a decade, but remained professionally successful. I have since eventually quit. Anyone else here high functioning addict?
You feel cold and distant from the rest of the world most of the time, and think that the only way you can function or connect with others is with a couple of drinks in you. You have those drinks, realize you still feel alien, keep drinking, black out, and do it again the next day.
>>25770602 heard it, too. I guess it is because of the additional antidepressant effect. Standing through a withdrawal with your whole body feeling rekt is a tough thing, but the additional depression makes it almost unbearable. I didnt even try to get out of my bed until day 3. Thats when i decided to google some medications to make it through. => got some DXM(it does also actively lower the tolerance), and knocked myself out for 2 days.
A normal person would learn from that shit. But i guess Im gonna buy some Tramal soon again. Miss the feeling :/ It just feels so much better than everything i ever did (just talking about opioids). Already tried Oxycodone, Codein, Dihydrocodeine, Subutex etc.
>>25770600 God, I know what you mean about never feeling comfortable in bed. I hate it so much. I'm so fucking sick of it. Honestly, I haven't been genuinely sober since sometimes last year, and I haven't intentionally taken a break from drugs since I started taking them at 13. I'm addicted to the escapism. I think I need to at least try to break through it.
>>25770765 That's interesting you enjoy Tramadol so much. Some people seem to get a lot from it, and others almost nothing. Personally I just miss the early days when I was young and naive and one vic would send me to heaven. >>25770677 I think I'm finally willing to acknowledge.
I sorta get addicted to cigs. If I start smoking intensely I keep doing it until I am forced to quit for some reason, or have a big thing which disrupts my normal activity which gives me a chance to quit. Each time my rage afterwards was less than before, which in some ways was pretty depressing because I like being enraged.
One "positive" from being a mentally ill fucking piece of garbage, I'm less addiction prone. I was on stims to no effect, I've tried drinking regularly, and I've tried almost every non-shit form of tobacco/nicotine: pipe, cigs, snus, and e-cig. Nothing except the ease of using an e-cig or dipping the fluid had any effect. With the e-cigs you can crank up the strength, and then all I got was shitty sleep which is why I needed to quit, again. Happened every time, too.
I'm of the opinion that some people are just fucked up and need opiates all the time. Most of my family members are depressed or dysfunctional, and the most successful, despite literally have no cartilage on his knees and two back discs replaced by 28, is on opiates all the time and does really intelligent work. Depression hurts every fucking day and makes me want to kill myself, and I'm envious as fuck of him for getting some respite.
>>25770888 I don't get how you could get that into porn without being a full time speedfreak or something. I've paid for porn twice, and it was specialty stuff that is almost entirely impossible to find for free. >>25770931 Opiates are really just so great. Other drugs have downsides in terms of how they feel, but opiates just feel good. They can ruin your life through addiction, but otherwise they basically just make you happy.
>>25770777 Drugs aren't for everyone. In my humble, unsolicited opinion I think it's better to either be a committed drug addict or not be one at all. Being somewhere inbetween sucks for everyone. The constant: "I really need to stop. What am I doing to myself. I'm really have a problem and need help." ect. stuff is just so old to me at this point. I've pretty much accepted that I prefer life on drugs and that the battle is management and willpower not aiming for sobriety, something that I honestly don't even really want anyway.
Watch this from 0:1:21 - 0:2:05. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCv4tcQojFI
Watch the whole thing if you got the time, he's a great comedian, but he explains it better in those 44 seconds than I can.
>>25770968 >They can ruin your life through addiction dont think so. I guess the problem is, that some addicted persons cant manage their money well and would do everything for the stuff. If you cant buy more, just stay at your dose. If you get to know, that you wont be able to buy anything at all soon, taper it off slowly. Thats all. Not the opioids are the problem, stupid people are
>>25771110 Part of it is that all of a sudden I'm confronting the reality that right now I don't actually want to throw away the nice things in my life which I have somehow accumulated, and I should probably try to pursue them instead of drugs.
>>25769301 Alcohol and heroin addict here. I have been shooting dope for 15 years, on and off, drinking for 18 years. Alcohol is much harder to quit because it is so easy to get and socially accepted and often encouraged.
Heroin is a motherfucker, because every cell of your body screams for it.
But the worst part of addiction, is that it hijacks your thoughts. You can fight and fight to distract yourself and stay away from it, but once it pops into your head, it completely takes over. You can not focus on anything else. It is a lot like being in love, especially with heroin. You get butterflies when you are going to score. You feel incomplete without it. And a lot of us, especially here, I'm sure, have used it as glue to mend the cracks of a broken heart. It is like a big warm hug in a spoon.
>>25770909 >Getting your stuff from some shady guy you bumped into in the woods versus qualified street seller Smh desu senpai. >>25770968 >I don't get how you could get that into porn without being a full time speedfreak or something I keep buying memberships to the same sites, and download everything that I can spending whole months doing nothing but downloading porn 24/7.
>>25771232 i still can't comprehend how junkies do this. i buy h off the dnms sometimes, probably one of the reasons i never got strung out is because i have no irl connections and i wont steal or beg for money.
>>25771232 >It always gets worse. No it doesn't, cocksucker. It got worse for you and a lot of people you know, I'm sure, but that doesn't apply to everyone. Stop projecting as if everyone is the same.
>>25771243 It really is. I have had a partner two different times when I was ripping and running. I always used to tell them that we were really addicted to money. Everyone was in a much better mood once we had money and the dope was on the way. Once it actually gets there, it's never so great.
>>25771272 Yes I did. I had been clean for 2 years, had thousands saved up in cash, made 600 a week and then got tens of thousands in student loans and grants. I was also hustling, too.
>>25771288 I didn't steal or beg for many, many years.
>>25771289 I meant for addicts. If you aren't an addict, good for you. But there is no guarantee you won't become one. I have a very high IQ, and was able to handle my drugs in moderation for about 10 years. But that shit can flip on a dime.
read up on studies the government has done on methadone. And my tolerance is still high as fuck. I can do a half gram of some really good dope and not nod or anything. Can't remember the last time I got high.
>>25771434 I remember reading about a cancer patient who was getting 200 milligrams of hydromorphone IV every single hour. His tolerance was so high that he could handle walking around and functioning relatively normally.
>>25771485 Wow. Yes it does. I speak not only from personal experience, but the science is very clear. I can't believe there are people here who are this stupid. The amount of dope it takes to get a hard core junky WELL, not high, but WELL, would kill a normie.
>>25771434 Damn dude why don't you just smoke weed? All you gotta do is take a day or two off smoking and you'll get pretty damn high off a joint. Take a week off and you'll get blitzed. A month? With good weed you'll feel like angels are kissing every inch of your body.
>>25770051 >>25769913 >>25770080 These really resonate with me. Recovering alcoholic here, I've always liked one phrase that I think could answer OP's question from an outside-looking-in perspective. For me, thirty drinks aren't enough but one drink is too many.
>>25771580 You have no idea what you're talking about honestly. Weed just can't even come close to comparing to heroin. You might be convinced it can, but it can't. Don't pretend it is unless you've been a junkie and stand by it.
I like drinking and doing pills, but it doesn't really become a problem till my first drink/pill ya know?
Like I'll get through 5 days of work in a row and not touch either, then I get a day off and kill a bottle and overdo the pills.
I know it's not as big of an issue as other peoples addictions but I'm still not too happy about it. It's the worst if I ever go to a party and someone convinces me to take a shot. One turns into 4-5 on top of beers and mixed drinks and i become an ass.
>>25771555 Ditto, so much. Even Burroughs writes that one does not set out to be a junky, but I did. I looked up to Basquiat and Lou Reed and Poe and others when I was young. Wanted to know what it was like to suffer like that. Plus the pain that was always in my heart vanished after the first dose.
>>25771685 He asked why he doesn't just smoke weed. He doesn't smoke weed because weed is a fucking joke compared to heroin, a bad one. They're different, and weed feels pathetic compared to heroin. The commentary wasn't worthwhile.
>>25771625 So I've smoked black-tar heroin and drank/ate codeine. Never shot heroin. But weed blew those experiences out of the water, even with my moderate weed tolerance. Now I will say that the fentanyl they gave me in the ambulance was magical, but maybe just because the intense pain I was feeling instantly went away.
>>25771497 I knew a 14 year old girl who did heroin. She's one the who showed me h for the first time when I was like 17.
Same thing here though, but with alcohol. I always kind of "knew" (aka built up a self-fulfilling prophecy) that I'd be an alcoholic. Good amount of alcohol in the family an I'd listen to songs about alcoholism because it made me feel the feels I was looking for at the time.
>>25771712 I will prove it right now. I have personally known people on 160mg of liquid methadone, daily. Methadone has a 24 hour half life, meaning that the first time they drink 160mg, when they dose the next day, they still have 80mg in their blood, which effectively makes their new dose 240mg, and then 280, then 300, then 310, then 315, then 322.5mg. Let's stop right there.
Here is what I want you to do. Go drink 320mg of liquid methadone, come back 4 hours later and give us your report.
I just don't know, like I try to be responsible with it but i'm never really content/happy without booze and such. I've seen the path many of my family members have went down so I try to be responsible, but I know the slope is slippery and I can end up at the bottom with all of them in a hearbeat.
But people try to say the problem lies with the drinking/drugs, but it's really not. I wasn't happy for as long as I can remember and it was way worse before i started doin shit. I'm not tryin to make excuses for what i do, i know it's pretty degenerate but just rambling i guess.
>>25769301 I've done dip (tobacco put in the lip) daily for about a year and I seriously don't understand nicotine addictions. I've went a week or so without any nicotine before and I never had any anxiety or withdraw. I never feel the "craving" for nicotine either.
>>25771967 It's weird how people are less prone to addictions to me.
I have a friend who has tried most drugs you can think of including heroin,crack, pills, you name it and he doesn't feel the need to go back for more. Like he might binge on stuff, then he'll go months without it like he's never done it and doesn't feel the need to. Other people i know tried stuff like coke once and turn into a fucking mess blowing all their money on the shit.
recovering heroin addict here. been clean for a year.
honestly heroin is the best and the worst thing ever. it's like a bipolar/borderline personality girlfriend basically. she'll give you the best sex you've ever had one moment and make you feel like you have god's love pulsing throughout your entire body and then at the flip of a switch she will punch you in the face and fuck your best friend.
i hurt my back playing hockey and fell in love with opiates immediately. as an introvert it was like the perfect drug for me. you feel amazing and everything is perfect no matter how bad your life is. it's the cure for unrequited love and loneliness and it kills all the pain, physical and mental. first you start to try to control your use, telling yourself you'll only use on weekends or only every other day so you don't get withdrawal symptoms but that quickly goes out the window because why wouldn't you feel that way all the fucking time if you could?
then you turn your will and your life pretty much completely over to the drug. you are a slave and your entire existence revolves around it. when you aren't using you are thinking about using. when you don't have money you are begging, borrowing, and stealing to get your next fix. it corrodes your soul completely until there is near nothing left.
i've been clean for a year now thanks to suboxone and i honestly didn't think i would ever be able to stop. i loved it that much. i couldn't imagine my life without heroin. everything felt joyless and hollow without it. since i've gotten clean my life has pretty much done a 180. i was 32 years old, living at home, a NEET, 340lbs, no romantic prospects whatsover. now i'm in my own apartment, i've lost nearly 90lbs in the past year, i'm in college to become an addiction counselor and i have a 4.0 GPA and girls are even starting to pay attention to me again for the first time in what seems like forever.
>>25774409 It's like having "complete" control of the moment one second like normal, then legitimately nothing. You don't remember, but you were pretty much functioning like normal. It's really strange, especially if you're watching a recording of yourself in blackout mode.
>>25771485 >this doesn't change the amount it takes to kill you, you retarded shit
Yes it actually does. Tolerance is caused by your body becoming more efficient at countering the effects of the drug. By countering the effects more efficiently, you get less high from the drug, but also your body is more trained to handle higher dosages that would kill other less tolerant people.
>>25770600 This honestly made me feel sick. The discomfort and the fever dream feeling of it all, would keep me up for days. Used to spend about 600 a month on Ketamine, weed, benzos, whatever was available, while working a braindead retail stockroom job where i didn't have to talk. Eventually started to have Deja Vu for weeks at a time, permanently in an endless loop. Just smoke weed everyday now.
I don't leave the house unless there's at least a drink involved.
Its been so long since i was clean i'm honestly terrified of the boredom.
It's pretty cool for a while, until it stops working. Your behaviors attune to scoring and maintaining your habit surprisingly quickly, but take many years to reverse (if ever). Your world starts to shrink until it becomes only about staying well. Nothing else matters any more, you're in survival mode trying to keep the love flowing.
Been in rehab for 10 months, so I have a fairly well-tuned perception of addiction seeing people come and go and come back in worse shape.
Secretly I miss it, but after seeing so many people fuck up and end up in poor conditions, it doesn't seem to appealing.
No matter how attractive it looks in movies, I promise you aren't cute when you're nodding off, mumbling, and burning yourself with cigarettes :^)
>>25769301 not sure how anyone could get addicted to alcohol, it's garbage. once the liquor store was going out of business so i bought a fuckton of handles for 80% off. i drank every night for 2 months. by the time i ran out i was so sick of alcohol i didn't drink again for a few months
I was on 30mg adderall for 2 years then quit cold turkey. I'm not sure if I was mentally addicted or not (though probably) but those physical withdrawal symptoms were real.
I quit while on a resort vacation in mexico as I figured nothing at all to do and unlimited alchohol would help, it didnt. There was 2 days there where I would only leave my room once or twice a day for food and spent the rest of my time cold sweating in bed contemplating suicide... Honestly one of the only reasons I didn't is because I thought of the hassle my family would have to go through bringing my body back home. I'm not usually even that depressed, but that week of withdrawal was like hell on earth. I can only imagine kicking an opioid habit must me that much worse.
i was addicted to heroin for almost a year, not alot to say but I was bad spent so much money and fucked my arms up sticking a needles into it injecting dirty junk in your arm up to ten times a day, ive been clean for about 6 months and im still completly mentally and psychally permently broken just dont do heroin do any drug you want but heroin
well I've been addicted to benzos, alcohol, opiates, weed (inb4) and nicotine
basically I was taking drugs to aleviate my misery, because being on the drug felt less worse than being sober, and even enjoyable at some points
but the thing with drugs is they have a limited supply, they're expensive, and you get tolerant
eventually you just need more and more and you have less and less money, you start doing crimes, catch a few cases, you're out of a job and you're constantly avoiding withdrawal
I like withdrawal to as if you've you've slow motion ran over the edge of a cliff and youre just looking down knowing you're inevitably going to fall if u don't get drugs asap. it's the feeling of having to constantly battle to stay on the cliff because it supports you, without the cliff you fall
it's really not great being addicted to drugs
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