/r9k/ what was the most autistic thing you have ever done?

>>25764715

why would he/she do that ;_; her hair is so long and pretty.

>>25764725
confirmed woman

please post contact info so you can be my gf

>>25764715
I spent a summer pirating and memorizing every line to every episode of "Friends".

I was 17 and had no life. I don't know why, I don't even like the show.

No bullying

>>25764767

i wish i sat behind her. i wouldn't cut her hair, just play with it and maybe smell it now and then.

>>25764725
Maybe he is a robot

>>25764778
You have a very good memory

>>25764715
>tryna learn shit so you can build yourself a good life life
>some stacy's fad hair all up in your shit

That anon did the right thing

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>>25764778
It could've been Seinfeld instead, which is way more quotable. What a shame.

shitpost on -/r9k/-

>>25764715

literally the pic related

>be 12
>maths class, like the 3rd-to-last or penultimate day of 6th grade
>all tests and shit are done, so just doing fun cutting and glueing work
>get scissors from the front desk and walking back to cut some poster out or whatever
>snippy snappying the scissors because of autism
>walk by a grills head as i'm opening and closing scissors
>somehow cut some hair off
>don't even notice, apparently she does, tells teacher, get 30 mins of detention, skip the last few days of school
>got away scotch free after that

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>middle school
>have a crush on this girl
>she's really popular and i had literally 0 friends
>open up with someone who i thought was becoming a friend
>he tells everyone
>the more popular guys keep making jokes about us being bf/gf
>keep trying to get us to talk and stuff
>think they're doing it seriously and i was too autistic to realize they were making fun of me
>they tell me that she really likes this one song and that i have a good singing voice (we all sang in some retarded music class choir thing a week before) and that i should sing it to her
>near the end of lunch three days later
>walk over to her table and start singing said song to her
>her table starts laughing and everyone is just looking at me
>finally realize it was a joke
>go to the bathroom and cry until a teacher comes and gets me

>>25764725
Because she was being a rude cunt laying her dogshit hair on that persons desk.

>let her treat you like you don't exist because she's pretty

You fucking spineless cuckold.

>>25764830
When I was a teenager the cool college kids watched friends, I made a terrible terrible mistake.

>>25764843
>scotch free
scotch tape?

>>25764847
Jesus christ I'm sweating by just reading this

>>25764854
He obv. meant duck tape

>>25764847
feels for you, anon.

DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN
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>>25764851
My god - You could have been learning something that mattered. What happened from then on?

>>25764843
also
>be 15/16
>in science class
>teacher doesn't give a fuck, we barely do any work
>some grills are doing some stupid "dares", like grab a dustpan and brush and brush the floor near to someone else's desk then leave (lel such funneh dares and pranks xD)
>one grill's dare is to come over to our desk, put a thermometer in her ear, hold it there, and ask one of the guys her temperature
>she does this and is standing right next to me
>get genius idea to prank her by slapping her hand, thus making her scared that the thermometer might go in her ear
>do it
>i guess i did it a little too hard because she complained about a pain in her ear afterwards
>found out later she had to go to the hospital for bursting an eardrum or something
>she was probably pissed at first but totes cool with it in few weeks or so
>got away with it scotch free again
i don't know how the fuck i keep fucking up this hard. must be the literal autism

>>25764843
>scotch free
>scotch

it's scot free you fucking mongoloid

>>25764854
IT'S A F*CKING MEME YOU DIP

>>25764901
>scotch free
Scotch egg?

>>25764881
some time later I got a gf, she cheated on me and texted me pics of her and my friend fucking.

Emotional eating and depression. Got fat which exacerbated the depression.

Now a living museum quality example of a neckbeard.

>>25764874
>giving a flying fuck about reddit
>actually knowing what's going on on reddit

kill yourself

>>25764874

Here have an upvote :^)

>>25764958
You're worth more than that, man.

>>25764958
Why did she text you pics?

>>25765081
>>25765081
Some pig hit on her in front of me and later that led to us having an argument about what defines a "real man". Obviously we did not agree, and mud was flung from both sides then she left. That moment I got that text though crossed the line, it broke something in me.

>>25765149
You dodged a bullet, if that hadn't happened you'd have stayed with the cunt.

>>25765196
I'd rather take the bullet to tell the truth.

>>25764791
robots aren't bullies.

>>25765229
>Pretty girls don't get bullied
>She's pretty
>Therefore the guy behind her isn't a bully

Either this is staged, or he is some autist creep who wanted to masturbate with her hair.

>>25764847
Alex, is that you bro?

>>25765265
>Pretty girls don't get bullied

Did you actually go to school tho?

I mean in real life - Not an anime.

>>25764874
And you care why?

>>25765291
Yeah. Only ugly kids got bullied. I suppose pretty boys and girls get pranked by their equally pretty friends or bfs/gfs sometimes, but it's all in good fun.

>>25765315
Categorically false.
Have you really never seen pretty bitches get brutally cast out of popularity? Not even for a short while?

>>25765355
No. I saw girls talk shit about their friends behind their back to their other friends sometimes, but I wouldn't consider that bullying. Just standard female behavior. Ugly girls do it too. Hell, adult women and old ladies do it.

>>25765417
true - you win

>>25765315
wrong. These ugly girls bully a pretty girl and almost fucking hang her because they are jelous that she's so pretty: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9xIwnaLVE8

>>25764850
woah calm down elliot
>implying she did it on purpose

>>25764843
> snippy snappying

>>25765438
She's 4/10, 5/10 at best.

I know this is hard to hear, but you're not pretty. They didn't bully you because you were better then them, they bullied you because they were better than you. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you got hot after high school, but back then, you were one of the ugly girls. Sorry.

I haven't played Pokemon in many years, but I can still immediately remember all of the cries.

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>>25765511
>taking le you meme this far

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>>25764715
>be me in 6th grade
>11-12 years old
>playfighting with a friend with stick
>grab a saw and go all "durr, I'm superior stick have heh"
>laughter
>gonna fake a slash, so I fucking jam that saw through the air
>at said moment teacher calls friend over
>sawblade hits his hand, deep wounds and blood all over

>mfw everyone thought I did it on purpose
>mfw people called me "Anon Saw" for months

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>>25764715
I have one

>be me
>be 15
>really into Fallout NW
>doing a group project in geography class
>thinks it would be funny if I told them about The battle of hover dam to troll them into confusion
>ask them where hover dam is
>keep asking questions like that while looking on the map for it
>no one bites
>situation is getting increasingly weird
>asked one last time
>one guy responds
>"ge anon that's cool but we have stuff to do so keep working"
>Mfw I have no face

Tfw when I looked like a tard with a dam obsession
Tfw I never got to clear it up

>>25764843
>>25764901
your school gives free whisky to students who misbehave?

>>25765647
Why the fuck was there a saw at your school?

>>25765729
We were in.. uh, the closest translation is "woodcraftman-ship".
Probably should have mentioned that.

>>25765754
Ooo. I got a related story (not same anon btw).
>In Year 7
>Got 2 friends, call em anon1 and anon2
>In woodwork class. Anon 1 and anon2 don't like each other.
>Anon2 is beta. Anon1 is alpha
>Anon1 keeps pushing anon2's books off the tabletop and ruffling his hair up.
>Anon2 has had enough. Picks up large metal file for filing down wood. Shabs end into anon1's arm.
>Both suspended

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>second grade
>latchkey (after school baby sitting school service)
>walk by a table someone is sitting at
>accidentally elbow them in their eye
>they start crying in pain
>have to get sent to the hospital
>I literally spend the next hour covering my face with my hands in shame until mom comes to pick me up

I always seem to accidentally hurt people

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>>25764715
oh i am laffin. perfect.

>Be spergo who only speaks when spoken to
>Father is dying, it affects me but I can't let it show
>Should have visited hospital more often but didn't want to see the rest of my family
>Let him die without saying anything significant

>Doing group work at school
>Don't want to talk to them
>Skip that class for a while
>Get in trouble and it's obvious why

>Presentation time at school
>Don't want to do it
>Teacher is determined to annoy me about it
>One day lectures me in the middle of class
>Sit there in silence for the entire duration
>Start skipping that class

>Friend tells me he loves me
>Stand there not knowing what to do
>Someone else says 'he doesn't care'
>I sit down and pretend this never happened

>Friend invites me to party
>I don't know how to edge in on conversations
>Stand around trying to be unnoticeable

>Friend who I really liked and think about still contacts me, some others do too
>I don't know what to do
>Have no friends now

>In day to day life I trip over things and occasionally break something
>Sometimes I take so long to respond to someone I decide to just shrug
>Have a fantasy world I can't even be bothered to flesh out
>Hate interacting with anyone, try to avoid looking at them
>Can't stop feeling confused and afraid of the world
>Typing up stupid shit is the only way I can vent whatever emotion this is

>>25764874
watch out for when i post this tonight

watch me may may

>>25764913
this is the funniest part about this retard's stories

>>25766063
I know this feel anon

My mom tried to consistently take me to a psychiatrist. I just sat there and said nothing. I was pissed because she was trying to change me, and I just wanted to be me, even forcing me to take antidepressants to try and fix it.

It's just hard for me to know how to respond to people and how to react. It doesn't come naturally at all.

>be me, 16 in highschool
>science teacher is asking random people about the periodic table
>asks me about it
>literally no fucking clue
>"I don't know"
>she gives me a huge lecture about some bullshit, wants to see me after class
>call her a cunt under my breath, cocksucker next to me tells the teacher at the end of class
>class ends and the teacher goes ape shit at me
>find the kid that told the teacher on me
>I turn into a raging autist and hit him over the head, then bit him on the arm
>almost expelled, I wanted to shoot up the school for months afterward

>order a taxi to go to my friends house after work
>he cancels
>too autistic to call back
>decide to just wait an extra half an hour after work
>cab driver shows up
>figure he'll wait around and then go
>comes inside
>cab for anon
>bitch coworker calls me, pretend i don't here her
>she comes and gets me
>sweating and shaking
>are you anon, did you order a cab
>deny i ever did
>he shows me the call record
>deny that its my number
>he calls it
>the phone in my pocket rings
>act like i forgot and i just remembered
>take the ride
>pay and then walk for an hour to get home

fuck Nike, but the only thing you can do it's... just do it! NOTHING BAD can happen as long as you are a normal guy!
It's normal to be shy.
It's not normal to get drunk / high, etc... you know what i mean. Wish you all the best, and never stop partying! Please go to party!

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>>25766244
Jesus christ blox

>walking along
>sudden stranger walking beside me
>try to speed past, he's a quick walker
>end up power walking to over take
>do some retarded wink for no reason
>30 seconds later get to crossing
>waiting to go
>guy walks up
>start power walking on the spot whilst smiling and nodding vigorously
>light goes green
>shout gotta dash and power walk away
>to this day have no idea why I did any of that

>>25766244

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>teachers asks the class to read
>i start reading aloud

jesus christ

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>15
>sister had a bejeweled gun
>got bored one bejeweled one of my bras like crazy
>wore it to school forgetting I had to change for gym class
>got laughed at by an entire locker room full of girls and asked on a daily basis for a month afterward why I didn't wear my "sparkling bra".

My life from ages 13-20 was full of stupid moments like this and I can't help but wonder what I was thinking when I did every single one of them. probably wasn't thinking at all.

>>25766337

DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHAN DONT REPLY TO THIS THREAD ITS BAIT FOR KARMA ON REDDIT, R/4CHANhdjhgljoopjot

>>25766079
>getting this triggered by an obvious ancient joke
you get out much, yes?

>>25766216
I also want to bite stuff when I'm very angry.

It feels so primal and freeing to just imagine ripping someone apart with teeth and nails.

I used to bit my hand simply because it was the first safe thing I could bite that had no chance of getting permanent damage or damaing my teeth.

I told my friends my dog bit me after they noticed the marks rofl.

>>25764778
can you still quote a full episode?
I remember I didn't have internet for a while so I inadvertently memorized the wrathgate cinematic from the .avi in the folder. Salutarea pero gloria fuga glooorie, i wayforward thank the light for lordaeron for the alliance bleagh aaurgh shksl plach back you mindless wretches! sossatussa gorraa! bleeh Fight on brothers! rise up sons of the horde blood and glory await us, tutuuuut Lok'tar ogar for the horde! for the horde! I was wondering if you'd show up I couldn't let the alliance have all the fun tuday nnyaah ... ARTHAS the blood of your father, of your people demands justice, come forth coward and answer for your crimes, ggrrmmm hrrr you speak of justice of cowardice i will show you the justice of the grave and the true meaning of fear. enough talk let it be finished yeearg aargh shwhi you will pay for all the lives you've stolen boldly stated but there is nothing you can-- bamm what? ha ha ha ha did you think we had forgotten did you thing we had forgiven? behold now the terrible vengeance of the forsaken death to the scourge and death to the living! bamm bamm FALL BACK bam bamm clang bamm guuh blech uuuurgh this .. isnt .. over.. ha ha hahah now all can see, this is the hour of the forsaken. guuh bleeh we are finished, no escape, for any of us. uuhhh gguhh

>>25766379
What do you get out of posting this?

Noggers

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>2006, 12 years old
>Dad finally got me a cell phone, it has a camera which was a huge deal to me back then (RAZR)
>Summer vacation, stuck at grandparents rural house with no internet or vidya
>Was basically unsupervised and bored 90% of the time because my grandparents traveled a lot and slept like the dead
>Start going stir crazy
>Stay up late watching Adult Swim on the TV in their kitchen (Yeah.)
>Decide to test my phone's video function out of boredom
>Gather random shit from around the kitchen and record it
>Somehow end up reenacting entire episodes of Inuyasha using salt/pepper shakers, utensils, bottles, etc. as characters. Myself doing the voices (badly)
>Send them to my friends in 15 second text message-sized clips
>Also being dweeby tweenagers, they think it's funny and weird as hell
>I continue doing it every night, making my version of the night's Adult Swim anime lineup using my famous cast of items
>By the end of the summer my phone memory is mostly taken up by these clips, too afraid to put them on YouTube because girls might see
>Years later (2014) one of my friends finds one he sent to his email inbox back then
>We watch it and laugh hysterically, but his gf comes over and sees it too, recognizes my voice
>Want to kill myself right then and there, friend keeps replaying a part where I weakly scream as Kagome
>She thinks it's cute, we eventually move on from it
>Secretly delete it from his inbox and computer that night while I slept over
>He doesn't notice the next day, still brings it up every so often but doesn't mention the file missing
>To this day I'm paranoid he still has a copy, let alone any of my other friends

>>25765449
Can almost guarantee you the guy said, "hey could you stop putting your hair on my desk?" Then when the girl laughed at him, he replied "well next time you do it, I'm cutting off your hair.".
Then the next day in class he followed through.

>>25766379
Are you trying to out-autist everyone in the thread? It's okay Anon, being a total spaz isn't a competition.

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>one year and a half ago
>walking with two friends
>a guy arrive with his bike
>think he's someone that I know
>stop him staying in front of him and saying hello
>he goes away
>his girlfriend follows him asking who I was
>he said that he didn't know it

>>25764850
>hey, your hair is on my desk. Could you please move up a little?

Use your words, robot.

>>25766378
Obligatory "kill yourself".
Now fuck off.

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>>25766383
>it was my dog bro, I swear

>>25766378
what's wrong with a sparkly bra? it sounds qt

also obligatory roast comment

Chewed on my tongue for hours while making a purring noise like a cat.

But that's some actual autism shit not sperg

>>25765648
> Fallout NW
> Went out 6 years ago
> Meaning you're at least 21yo right now
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>25766346
>let's not have any good threads
>that'll show em

>>25767337
No lol.

I bite my hard from where the thumb connects to the arm. That big muscle. It makes sense because muscle is less sensitive to pain than fat and it's an excellent buffer for bones. If you tense it you can bite literally as hard as you possibly can and it'll only leave a mark for less than 15 hours.

I stopped doing that a long time ago. But recently after losing an incredibly dumb match in a MOBA I got so fucking mad I had to do it.

It's great, honestly. I know guys who have punched holes in their walls or broken bones in anger, but instead I've developed ways of releasing anger without any damage to anything.

There's a way you can hit any surface whatsoever as hard as you can with a fist without injuring your hand. It may not even possible for everyone. For example that one guy I tried explaining it to was unable to do it because he's a lanklet. But I have great musculature in my hands which makes it extremely nice.

People in general are stupid when dealing with anger. They go for the first thing they can, including smashing in their monitors rofl. I always retain enough self control to choose a safe target that can't get damaged. But you can't use the fist method in-doors unless you wanna risk a broken table or door or wall or whatever.

>>25765754
Taller de carpinteria?

>>25764847
>go to the bathroom and cry until a teacher comes and gets me

Happened to me once too. I was in sixth grade and told a girl I liked her after seriously crushing for over a year. She laughed in my face.

stuck my hand up a girl's skirt when i was in second grade.
you can imagine the uproar afterwards.
>slapped
>expelled
>sent away to stay with grandfather

>>25766462
really moving & emotional, thanks

>freshman in high school
>hate dad for cheating on my mom
>live with dad because mom is too poor
>decide it would be good payback to ejaculate into his mayonnaise (I don't eat mayo)
>tell "friend" about devious plan
>friend tells awesome skater bro to impress
>awesome skater bro misunderstands story
>awesome skater bro thinks I gave someone a handjob with mayo as lube
>awesome skater bro and pals call me "mayonnaise" for the rest of high school
>awesome skater bro and pals yell "mayonnaise!" any time the see me across the hall, cafeteria, etc.
>tfw

>>25767381
>he puts spaces after the arrow in his greentexts
>meaning you're from Reddit

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>everything


Oranginal post

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>>25764725
So I can take it home l, glue it under my nose like a moustache and masturbate thinking about that happa pussy.

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>>25764901
>hammered a thermometer into a girl's ear
my sides

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>be 14
>friend comes to my house to sync his ipod on my lap top
>I end up with all his files
>he has a folder with pictures of girls in our class (this was before facebook etc, people used to bluetooth selfies to eachother and stuff idk why)
>when he leaves look through the folder
>recently got Photoshop CS off a friend on disk and had been dicking around for it
>very crudely photoshop pictures of the popular girls topless, photoshop nipples on them and stuff
>months later my friend comes over again and syncs his ipod
>edited photos end up on there
>popular kids going through his ipod when he's in class
>everyone talking about it, think my friend (who is a total bro) did it
>he knows it was me but blames our ex-mutual friend who both of us fell out with because he was a dick
>everyone starts quizzing him on it
>he tells people it was me
>no one confronts me about it but pretty sure everyone knew it was me
dodged a bullet

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>be 16
>teacher is explaining some boring math stuff
>suddenly: "anon, what would be the correct formula for this?"
>no clue what to say so decide to be "funny"
>knock over table and yell "OPPA GANGNAM STYLE" really hard
>gangnam dance out of the classroom while looking teacher in the eye
>thought it was funny
>no one laughed
>no one asks me about it for the rest of the year
>didn't even get detention
>teacher just nods at me and looks the other way whenever he sees me

I do Naruto hand seals when no one is looking. Its basically force of habit and I don't know how to stop.

>>25764715

that kid basically just wrote himself a warrant for never getting any action for the rest of high school

In grade/middle school being so obsessed with the Titanic that I had several movies on the subject, several books on it, and would do nothing but bring up in every single conversation even if it had nothing to do with the subject.

>>25764725
Because she probably sits infront of him every day, and he's told her to stop dangling her hair over his fucking desk fifty times already.

play runescape for 10 years

>>25770896
fucking hell there's no way this happened

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>>25770896
Jesus, you poor idiot...

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>>25770896
Another one:
>be 17
>teacher puts test results on my table for students to check
>last student's a girl wearing a really revealing shirt
>bends over to search for her paper in the messy heap
>her tits are literally 5 inches away from my hand
>pull out phone and position it like pic related to take a photo
>she looks up and straight into my eyes
>flap my phone and say "hehe phone got hot so just cooling it"
>keeps staring
>start explaining how voltage and current can make the CPU hot and that I need to cool it
>tfw don't think she believed it

>>25764715
How would she even know tiny amount of hair was cut? I can barely feel mine during a trim

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>>25771022
Literal autism, no joke.

>>25764725
I actually did this to a classmate in high school. She forgave me soon after because I'm lovable as fuck.

>>25770925
Remind yourself that naruto is for the very lowest dregs of society, for people that are both autistic and stupid. The double wham.

>>25764715

Wear the same shirt to school 4 years in a row

>>25770946
bitches love getting treated like shit, bet hes pulling pussy left right and centre with that alpha move

>>25764715
Beat 3 guys up in a tard rage, barely though.

>>25767239
But I can't speak in public.

>>25766063
selective mutism

> be 15 in 1999
>decide I need some better clothes to be cool
>get two identical pairs of khakis at Abercombie
>wear the same two pairs of pants for a year

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>>25771022
Oh forgot about this gem:
>be 14
>go into classroom before class
>hide in the closet
>when bell rings for lunch break everyone gets out and teacher locks the classroom door
>get out of closet and sit in teacher's chair
>teacher and students come back and see me there
>start laughing like a maniac and tell the whole class how no one noticed me hiding in the closet for the whole hour
>"I tricked you all haha! I'm like a dark ninja haha!"
>ignored by students
>teacher just tells me to sit in my own chair
>mfw dark ninja mastermind

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>>25771022
>the world doesn't exist unless it's captured on our $1000 phones
Fuck tech commercials are scary

>>25764715
When I was in primary school, i once pissed myself in class because I was too scared to ask the teacher to go to the toilet.

For some reason, I wouldn't go to the toilets in my primary school, so I would regularly wet myself on the walk back home from school.

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>first grade
>early in the morning before class starts, everyone waits for the teacher to come bring the kids into the class
>get there extra early
>was super into drawing (still am)
>starts to doodle
>draw some crudely drawn guy with a smiley face
>friend walks up
>"hey anon, watcha drawing?"
>friend tells me it'd be funny if i drew a dick on the guy
>"hurr durr, dicks r funny"
>draws dick on the guy
>literal autistic kid tells the teacher
>"ANON DREW A GUY WITH HIS NOODLE OUT"
>baka too many snitches
>teacher looks at me like im some demented sicko
>get in a lot of trouble
>have to write a letter on why that's bad
>teacher tells parents
>parents tell me that i dun goofed
>mfw

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>last year as a senior in high school
>qt slim redhead girl in my class with the biggest bubble butt
>jeans literally meld into her crack
>been fantasizing about it all year.
>chem teacher is showing an experiment
>everyone standing lined up to watch
>she's leaning over a desk in leggings with those cheeks swaying side to side
>perfect chance for the perfect creepshot for fapping purposes
>quickly pull it out and start quicksnapping
>fucking 'kaclick" noises and a huge flash
>everything goes quiet as everyone turns around to looks at me with my phone in hand
>literally getting looks of disgust and wtfs as the qt curses me out and calls me a perv
>fucking spaghetti overload, Idk what to do except take it
>run out of class & never come back
Literally the worst moment of my life, I was pretty quiet but at least I blended in, then I became a social pariah and got bullied hardcore once it spread since I was a easy target.
That last semester of school was a living hell.

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>>25771208
Shit I remember this one:
>be 14
>in snowfight with class
>qt grill I had a crush on puts snow in my neck
>laugh and shove a handful of snow in her face
>push her on the ground while rubbing my hand in her face
>suddenly get pulled off her by other classmates
>they pick her up and ask if she's okay
>she's gasping, drooling, and crying
>walk home laughing thinking she's overreacting
>in bed it hit me that I almost muffled/choked her to death
>tfw no one calls me police
Pfew.

>>25770896
>gangnam style
>16
how fucking young are posters here

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>>25771186
>15 in 1999
>1999
What the fuck are you doing here?

>>25771369
Give us the link then, bud. No reason to autistically spaz out expecting EVERY FUCKING ONE OF US to go over to plebbit to try and find our own posts.

>kindergarten
>didn't understand social rules or respect based on age
>did some dumb shit that I don't remember, teacher gets mad
>she bends over and gives me fish lips, squeezing my lips from the sides to make them look big and retarded
>talks into my face like a bitch
>I don't understand why she's doing this and guess that if she can do it to me I can do it to her
>grab her lips and do the same fucking thing to her
>probably get in more trouble or something dumb, but I don't remember anything else

>>25771511
too young.

in before the teencuck defends himself saying "b-but gangnam style was released X years ago and if you add that to 16 that means I'm a big boy now!"

why do I even fucking come here goddamn

>>25767239
Confirmed for normie.

>"hey, your hair is on my desk. Could you please move up a little?"
>stacy repeats what you said in a mocking tone to her slut friend, proceeds to not move her hair at all

>>25771523
that means he's about 30 now dipshit

>>25771630
no shit fucktard, he's fucking old

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>>25771664
this board isn't for twink faggots kid, fuck off back to your mom's room she wants you in bed by 8pm

>>25764715
probably stage a photo like the one in the OP did

>>25771683
you too loser, better leech off your parenst some more manchild while you slink back off to your basement.

>>25765511
Lol u are trying really hard to be mean! Is something wrong?? I dated a really hot girl once (she had an iq of 90 not kidding she told me) and she got bullied to shit in high school

>me
>HS senior year
>get invited as plus one to my first ever Stacey party
>mfw invited by only friend and have crippling social anxiety
>get hammered before to prevent social anxiety fuckup
>get there, smallish party (20-30 stacies and a few chads)
>everyone's already drunk so super confidence boost
>hover around only normie friend all night
>easily participate in conversation with a group of rando stacies that are friends of normie friend
> somewhere in the night house at approaches me and sits on my lap
>mfw attention has gone to my head
>mfw think it's time for funny joke
>mfw "Wow your cat really likes me. He's a sexy cat. If he were a person I would smash that."
>mfw when living room goes silent and normie friend tries to save me with pity laugh and fails
>mfw normie friend never talks to me again and never invited to party since

>>25771822
*housecat

>>25771511
>>25771594
Well I'm 20 and a lot here are 18 - 19.

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>>25764778
>I don't even like the show.
Autism confirmed. Hard.

>>25764715

Fucking christ that pic

I love seeing women react to robots

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>high school freshman
>small as fuck school
>reputation from elementary school of being booger eating crybaby is stuck with me
>butt of most jokes
>pe class
>local chad smacks me in the face with ball
>everyone laughs
>"you deserve it anon"
>look at teacher
>he tells me to man up and deal with it
>run out
>go hide
>don't come out
>teachers have to put off class for hours to look for me crying in the corner of a old storage room no one uses
>end up getting suspended
>seals my reputation as pathetic beta no one likes
>the one friend I had then leaves me to start hanging out with the chads

haven't had friends since, close to 8 years now of dead silence and talking to myself
that was what pretty much sealed my fate
a group of chads heard I was going to kill myself on my 21st birthday a few years back, so they tried to take me out to a bar
but it was Sunday, bars were closed, so they took me to a liquor store, had me buy some tequila, then they bailed to go to some college party

seriously fucking hate normalfags

>>25771630
He should have killed himself or tried to start a beta uprising years ago.

>>25771664
Just turned 33. I was awkward as fuck until my mid twenties. Then something changed and I decided to stop giving a fuck about what anybody thinks. I started pretending to put on an act of how I thought strong older people behave. Started dressing like an old man with jeans, loafers, and dress shirts. Suddenly everybody started taking me seriously and promoting me at work.
I'm now a supervisor at a factory making 70k a year without college degree.
>still feel like I'm putting on an act.

>>25772083
making 70k a year without college degree
You're hilarious m8

Get diagnose with autism

Take things overly literally

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>be me, hanging out at the blacktop in middle school
>kid slides under the chain link fence, his leg is stuck there
>oh no an emergency!! i have to help!!
>run to the other side of the fence and start kicking the shit out of his foot to try and bust him out
>crowd of kids yelling "what the fuck" at me
>stop
>talk to my friends walking back to school, "did I do something wrong, I was trying to help?"
>they don't even say anything

i still think about this like every two weeks, what the fuck was i thinking

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>>25772125
This guy doesn't know about the construction industry

>>25772125
You don't believe me? Once you're in management, nobody asks for your qualifications, they judge you by job performance.
We have a plant manager making 200k a year without a college degree.

>Watch too much animu and see how characters always have their phrase/sound effect like 'desu'
>Like cats so decide to meow
>Gets to be such a habit that it ends up being my standard response, especially when nervous
>Get in trouble about minor thing and teacher tells me off in class
>its quiet, everyone listening
>Teacher "well anon, what do you have to say for yourself?"
>"M-M-Meow..."
>Everyone including teacher give me a what the fuck is wrong with you look
>Teacher: "Uh... I want a proper answer"
>"Me-meow" burst into tears from embarrassment

fuck my life, family

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>>25772025
Shit like this makes me unironically wish for a beta uprising.

>>25771887
what is the plural of lego, legos?

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>>25764847
>think they're doing it seriously and i was too autistic to realize they were making fun of me
iktf.

The girl was actually playing along with it as well, so she would send me hearts and kiss smileys all the time when we were texting.
Then when I asked her out she told everyone and they made fun of me for taking it seriously.

>>25767381
The fuck are you even ree-ing about faggot?

I once spat in a kids notebook in elementary school. Just opened it up to every page and hocked a big meaty gob of spit into it because he bullied me. He told the teacher and I had to copy everything in it over to a new notebook.

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>>25772025
I was really hoping you were running out to get your gun.

>high school
>English class
>teacher just wants to kill time
>assigns "spoken word" project
>just have to turn in the lyrics of a song and read it like a poem in front of class
>don't do it
>friend reminds me three minutes before class
>"just write the lyrics to anything, anon. She won't actually grade it."
>only know the words to one song
>recite the theme to Sonic X

is scotch free the birth of an epic new meme

Used to browse and read articles on Wikipedia as a hobby

Used to talk to myself in public (which was one of the reasons I didn't have friends and no one took me seriously in middle school)

>>25773304
no it's a common saying
remove yourself autismo

>>25773645
Scot-free is a common saying, Scotch-free isn't.

>>25773645
posts like yours are a diamond dozen but hey it's a doggy dog world out there so this time I'll let you slide, scotch free

>>25772254
Lol'd irl tbfh

>>25764847
Fucking Alex. Lolz.

I was staying in a group home for young adults, and I wasn't getting along with another kid. During a meeting ran by a social worker I yelled at the kid that I hoped his mother got raped.

>be around 9 yo
>only child
>parents working in the garden, no one to play with
>decide i want to play knights
>take cushion from a lawn chair as my shield
>take an actual knife from the kitchen as my sword
>sperg out playing a knight and fighting dragons
>wave shield and sword around wildly
>suddenly, there's a knife stuck in my thigh
>...
>no help near
>pull it out
>oh fuck
>bleed
>tell mom i stabbed myself in the leg
>doesn't believe me
>"don't say such silly things, anon"
>"but...okay"
>tfw i'll never be a knight again but a beta stable boy

i still have a scar bigger than an inch wide.

>>25774808
I used to be knight but then I took a knife to the thigh.

>>25764725
Looks like extensions anyway, wouldn't worry about it

>>25764715
>go to casino
>never been before, mite b cool
>hanging around, checking things out
>see qt asian grill watching a bunch of rich chinese dudes gamble
>try to chat her up
>tell her its nice to see asians because there aren't many where i am from
>can instantly tell she is weirded out
>realize i dun goofed
>back up slowly and walk away from her

>>25767550
>losing a MOBA match
heh get rekt u baby back bitch

>>25764715
That picture reminds me of something pretty fucking odd my friend saw
>on bus
>only other people are normal looking woman and hobo in seat directly behind her
>all of a sudden hobo reaches into his pocket
>pulls out a comb
>Oh God is he about to fucking-
>starts combing woman's hair
>she turns back and fucking screams
>"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING"
>hobo completely unfazed
>"oh. I dunno."
>gets off on the next stop

>>25766716
That's not too bad. You just think it is, trust me.

>>25764725
iirc the story behind this is that she said something negative about justin beiber or "I don't like him"
so the sane beliber behind her took their revenge

>>25766378
Why would you wear a bra anon? You're a guy.

>primary school
>sitting on the floor in class listening to teacher
>chewing gum
>decide I need to get rid of the gum
>throw gum into kid"s hair in front of me
>few minutes pass until kid realized there's gum in his hair
>teacher stops the class and proceeds to cut the kid's hair to remove the gum
>kid now has bald patch from where the gum was
>sit there in silence and never speak of it to anyone

>>25773856
Tripfags normally annoy me, but this time I'll let you get off scotch free

>>25771360
God this is the worst one yet

>>25764847
LOL FUCKING ALEX

>Be me, 15
>Grandpa got remarried
>Went to Hawaii with family
>Chilling out at the resort
>Asian qt's everywhere
>See one in particular
>Creep for a bit before i decide to make a move

I had heard her talking to her friend so i knew she spoke english

>"Hey there, wanna *ahem* hangout"
>wink like an autist
>"ching chong chung?!"
>MFW it was the wrong grill
>MFW all asians look the same

>>25764715
This happened about 3 years ago, had to get a new job because of it

>working at hotel as a sales consultant, usually work with around 5-6 people at any given time
>one day the guy who has worked there the longest comes in with a guitar
>as I'm walking by him while he's playing, he stops playing and asks if I play an instruments
>without even thinking, I say "Oh, yeah, I played the piano through grades 1-12."
I don't know why the hell I lied to him, and I don't know why I chose piano
>he responds excitedly, tells me he has a keyboard that he never uses and wants to learn
>I laugh it off and tell him I'm a bit rusty, then I go on with my day
>FF like 6 months, our hotel gets a nice makeover
>makeover includes an old piano that is positioned near the hotel bar
>the day it arrives, don't even think anything of it
>a few hours later, the fucking owner of the hotel comes in and says hi to everyone
>when he stops at me, he mentions that he had heard I played piano and wanted me to play for him and the rest of the crew and guests
>mind starts racing, remember what I had told my coworker so many months ago
>I tell him no thanks, I'm a bit rusty and have to go home soon
>"Nonsense!" he says, and he fucking drags me to the piano
>sit there for about two minutes, act like I'm tuning the piano or something
>surrounded by about 8-10 people
>start playing mary had a little lamb, everyone giggles
>stop playing, turn around with tears in my eyes, and walk out
>quit the job that night

>>25772384
was your mom in the air force?

>>25775027
>Try to make small talk to anyone without any ulterior motive
>They still think you're a fucking weirdo
Remind me again why people tell me to "just walk up and talk to her"

>>25764715
i killed my girlfriends horse when i found out she had been cheating on me with 2 people, if you count that as edgy/autistic i guess

>>25776398
how'd you do it? curious

>>25771439
Why would you do that as a freshman/sophomore? Why would SHE do that? What?

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>>25775137
Hobos gonna hobo

I sat behind some guy and threw soap water in the back of his head at school
we sat behind desks like in op's picture
he just looked at me and then took the bottle and covered me in soap water
i dont know why i did it

>>25772503

Judging for this thread the beta uprising would just end up with a lot of man children crying in cupboards

>>25776440
found out she had been cheating on me by following her while she took her driving lessons. turned out she had an affair with the guy. Now note that she owned a horse at a ranch. I was the guy that drove her there so she could ride her horsey every week and because of that i became good buddies with the stableboys/managers there.

When i found out about the whole cheating thing I just went nuts. After i confronted her she gave me the business about how I was not the one AKA she would rather smoke on chads pole. So I drove over to the ranch and talked to the stableguys there. The thing was, was that her horse was not fit for riding anymore, only slow woodrides, grooming etc. So the boys there just took some horsemedicine and added a toxic cocktail to it. The horse died very peacefully if you treehuggers out there would like to know. Anyway i never told HER about this and she remained depressed for so long after that, it makes me all giggly like a schoolgirl.

TLDR-never get it on with a girl who rides horses cause they are all mentally fucked up.

>>25776177
That's what you get for being a no good liar . Leave that to the stacies

>>25776381
just walk up and talk to her, not walk up and talk to her about the fact shes a asian and you like seeing asians around.

>>25776563
>freshman/sophomore
What does that have to do with the story?

>Why would SHE do that?
What do you mean? As a joke I guess. It's pretty common to fuck with people when it snows here.

>>25776678
Reminds me of a crush's dog that I probably killed. Fed it a bar of chocolate and bailed forever. I knew it might die, but I did it anyway.

>inb4 edgy
I was 9 what the fuck did you expect.

>>25776755
You could walk up to anyone and talk about anything, they'll react pretty much the same.

>>25771360
Did you at least get to fap to the picture?

>>25766462
Thanks for the insight. Are you in a hospital?

>>25764783
if you take a piece you can play with it and smell it forever.

i once tried to pass off i had multiple personality disorder in front of all my friends by changing my voice and asking who i was. then i proceeded to name off the symptoms i have. ;_; i was in 8th grade. none of my friends have mentioned it since but i still think about it and cringe so hard

>>25777482
I did a few times that week, but I deleted them soon after. Every fap ended in shame.
They were a constant reminder of that embarrassment. Fuck reliving that moment, I was cringing even typing that out thinking back on it.

>>25777896
We all have our moments.

>>25764874
>>25766346
>>25766379
don't even bother. most of the people on this board are redditors

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>>25764715
>that pic
holy shit I just had a flashback of when I was in primary school and I cut some of the girls hair infront of me.
She told the teacher and I got absolutely destroyed. She asked why I did it and I just said "I don't know why"

Only thing that comes to mind is when I met my cousin's gf for the first time I just said to her "who are you"

very simple autist moment but very effective

>>25776372
Nope, did you know someone like that too?

I'm extra embarrassed about it looking back now because it was at a good girls school and i was the only one who (openly) like anime and was weeby, so there werent even other dumb kids like me to share the awkwardness

>>25778296
>I got absolutely destroyed.
>giving a shit what a low salary teacher thinks
Kek

>>25767381
Fucking reddit fags

>>25773232
>only know the lyrics to one song
>its sonic X
now this is autism

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>20 or 21
>my first 3 years as a 100% pure grade NEET
>entire life was playing FFXI for 16 hours a day and hiding from the world
>friend from childhood i hadnt seen in 10+ years calls
>ignore it in the hopes that he thinks i died and will leave me alone
>9 missed calls
>calls stop, in the clear back to glorious mmo grinding
>next day
>knock on the door
>OH SHIT
>OK SAME PLAN, IGNORE AND IT WILL GO AWAY
>after 5 minutes of knocking, OH GOD THE DOORS NOT LOCKED, he starts to open the door
>dash to the bathroom, close the door, and hide in the shower
>he proceeds to walk around the house shouting my name
>approaches the bathroom
>stands outside, asking "are you in there..."
>this goes on for what seems like an eternity
>he finally leaves

Haven't seen him since.
That was about the point where I realized that normalcy probably wasn't happening for me.

>>25778316
I clap for your dread game. She probably got wet knowing she was so insignificant to you.

>>25778610
What the fuck bruv. I understand the ignored calls, but the bathroom part is too much.

>>25778610
thats not autism, that's avoidant personality disorder
A lot of people self diagnosis themselves with it because they think "wanting to be alone sometimes" qualifies them, but the actual shit is not even comparable.

>>25778538
I have problems with authority figures. When the teacher scolded me it always made me cry. Even just a small "talking to" or negative criticism sets me off.

Yes, I am weak, I am beta.

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>>25772025
and people still wonder why school shootings happen

>>25771523

I was 21 in 1999.

>pls no bully

>>25764715
I haven't fucked up majorly.
I just watch people below me fail, and don't do what they did.
For instance
>In freshmen year
>friends with qt 3.14
>attractive, but had boyfriend
>I didn't care too much for her anyways beyond friends
>I did like one her qt 3.14 scene/emo friends though
>I talk to her whenever I can, which is whenever my friends talks to her
>often enough, twice a day.
>then enters Juden
>die Juden was a sperglord untermensch
>tubby, glasses, always wore layers
>but probably closer to me than I wanna believe.
>turns out he had a big thing for my friend
>one day he asks her out
>stutters and has a slight lisp
>clearly audible to the entire class
>when he finally asks her out, she laughs
>tells him she has a boyfriend already
>I laugh at him too
>never see much of him often.
He liked another girl I knew, and she was creeped out by him. I'm sure there are 5 others, too, but I only know those 2 for certain.

But he taught me that being honest is literally the worst thing to do. Thanks Juden.

>>25779004
Actually his mistake was not reading signals, not doing his research, and setting himself up for a situation where rejection would impact his social standing the most.
If you have a modicum of tact and any personal hygine, honesty can actually work to your advantage. Trust me, I'm a skinnyfat 6/10 and it's gotten me laid on two seperate occasions.

>>25779004
>I laugh at him too
You're a fucking faggot

>>25772025
have you ever considered you did deserve it and maybe you should have just man up instead of running away like a bitch.

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>>25772125
I pull 170k at Microsoft and have no degree...

>>25769210
>befriending skaters


You deserved it

>>25779481
How comfy must you live, making 15 fucking thousand buckaroos a month. Assuming you work 40 hours a week, your hour is worth nearly 400 god damn dollars. Jesus Christ why are you even here. You could buy your own friends.

>In grad 7
>spare time, told to read
>gets silent, me and friend start being autistic and bothering each other
>halfway through, lunge forward to hit him
>shart in pants well doing it
>everyone hears and laughs
>literally sitting in own shit for rest of class
Another one
>grade 7 last week before summer
>everyone is on some band trip
>I am not because no friendo to go with
>sitting in class with about three others
>grill I liked was there
>Tells me I look lonely and to sit by her
>fuck yeah
>no more talking between us and class ends
>as I get up I feel a bit sick
>lean over to grab stuff
>well leaning my ass was directly facing her
>shart myself
>she hears and can smell
>wanna die right on the spot

>>25779538
High functioning autismo

Wow these threads would be sad if they weren't so funny. Guys its not hard to make friends, all you have to do is be confident and act like the person you really are deep down inside. People are attracted to others who act like genuine people, and who don't try and pretend to be a "Chad" or "Stacie" the only person who can change your situation is you!

I know how it feels to be an outcast, I had maybe five close buds in HS who I'd see most weekends, and probably talked to only 10ish girls all throughout. Didn't have my first kiss till 18 or a serious GF till 20, now I'm a few years older and am in an ltr and couldn't be happier! It took a lot of effort to dig myself out but again, if you're willing to change yourself it's easy! You guys are capable of making it just like myself, I promise it's not that hard if you set your minds to it

>>25771542
The bitch deserved it

>>25764850
It would be more fun to attach her hair to the desk with an adhesive.

>>25779737
Good but not subtle enough. Could improve with a little effort.

>>25767381
>>>at least 21yo
>>>>R
>>>>>E
>>>>>>What exactly would you say you do... here... ?

I pissed my pants a few times in elementary school. The teachers at the after school program always gave me a spare pair of sweat pants and they'd call my mom. Wasn't out of fear or anything, it just kind of happened from time to time

No regrets

>>25764847
HOLY SHIT ALEX I CANT BELIEVE I FOUND YOU ON THE CHANS OF ALL PLACES

>>25764715
Years 1-22.5 all parts

>>25764847
u suck

>>25764725
This, girls should be encouraged to have long pretty hair.

>>25774273
fucking based retard rage.

>>25771022
well did you get the pic?

Some dumbass freshman year did this to a chick. God, that was such a good year back in 2005

>>25765438
that girl isn't pretty
she's below average

>>25779517
friend tells skater bro to impress him. I was not trying to befriending him, my friend was. Me calling him that was to show he was a normie and people thought he was cool.

>>25771022
well did you get the fucking picture you damn autist?

>>25766716
That's so cute oh my god

>>25766373
I hated that shit. Most of my mainstream teachers wouldn't ask me to read things aloud, but there was one day in particular in 9th grade English class that we had a sub, and she called on me to read.
I wished I had just refused to read, or walked out of the class or told her to fuck off, but instead I tried to read out loud and completely spilled my spaghetti everywhere.

>>25764847
sorry alex

>>25764725
maybe he just wanted to ruin a normie's day

Flipped out at a girl for thinking I was mexican. She said she only dated mexicans, and I was like I'm fucking 1/32 armenian. Only Mexicans would think a mexican could be as beautiful as me. I then went on to claim that I was white enough to join the aryan brotherhood. She was a babe too all my friends were comparing her to sasha grayylmao. It's not like I was ready for it at all, I had already concluded nothing was gonna happen with those girls.

Here's something I did learn that night: Bitches love nice shiny pajamas(like satin or silk) cause they know a man in nice pajamas loves to cuddle.

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>>25771664
hey brah, I'm 35

>>25770955
My younger brother does this as well. He's going to high school next year. I fear for him.

>Dad gets lung cancer
>Everyone says "I'm so sorry our condolences"
>Dad dies
>"But do I really have to go to the funeral? Mafia 2 was just released"
>Mom gets schizophrenia and goes to healthcare
>"We are so sorry to hear about your mother"
>"ok"
>Sister went Morrocco, found out she is a prostitute now
>Dont care

All I want to do is mod and work with programming, only recently have I started to think something might be wrong with me. People dying has zero impact on me.

>>25771070
>autistic as fuck
She had to forgive you

>be at daycare, playing in sandbox
>young Chad starts messing with me and filling in the holes im digging
>get mad and throw bucket of sand in his eyes
>so much sand he has to go to the hospital
>mom leaves work to pick me up and explain that if he had done that to me she'd have lost her mind and that chad's mom feels the same way about her son
>guilt

I still feel bad about it to this day. He never came back to the daycare, and there's no way for me to track him down to apologize.

>>25764715
freshman year of high school asked a girl I saw if she was a tranny I saw on /b/.

>teacher calls me up to the front of class to work out a problem
>start spilling spaghetti
>call addition and subtraction "baby math" because i didn't immediately think of the words
>probably sound pretentious
>shuffle back to my seat
>want to die

>be at playground for homeschool meetup
>my two friends (they're twins) fall off the carousel
>panic
>run to my mom to ask for help
>end up yelling fuck so loud everyone hears
>mom is ashamed
>have to leave early
>friends weren't even seriously hurt
>they eventually stop talking to me

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>See lonely betas all the time
>Debate whether I should try to make their day a little brighter or if my shallow attempts at friendship will just make them extremely defensive and more jaded

>>25770896
reminds me. one time in bio, a class of like 20 people maybe, i was tasked with handing out tests. I thought i'd be funny and say everyone's test scores in a way like i didn't know what I was doing. no one understood and just thought I was being autistic so noone laughed and no one stopped me, despite it being a mean thing to do and I feel bad still to this day.

>>25772025
Good on you anon, for getting your friendo in with the chads.

>>25785478
>tfw was chad in preschool and early elementary
>parents didnt like that
>suppressed all of my confidence and assertiveness
>gave me anxiety
>only now regaining social skills
>>25785490
Was she?

>>25779538
goddamn you are one stupid ass fucker

> 170k/12 != 15k

> 170k/52/40 != 400

>>25772083
>makes 70k
>implying that's a lot
kek pathetic

I used to always take jokes too far as a teenager to try and make friends. Now I just avoid talking to people to make sure I don't humiliate myself.

>>25770980
I've got 9

>sixth grade
>friends I'm playing yugioh with get bored
>topic of girls comes up
>say that one of the girls in our class is "s-s-sexy"
>mates start teasing
>sperg the fuck out, think they're going to tell everyone
>slap one of my friends in the face, kick him in the shin
>run out of the school like a little bitch
>muffins at home, feelin' better
>mum gets back
>ohshit.png
>"why aren't you at school anon?"
>revenge of the sperg
>run into the woods
>cry a lot

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>be 4
>be in preschool
>see blocks like pic related
>take one home in my coat
>no idea what i was going to do with one block
>also no concept of stealing but whatever
>get home
>realize it's still in my coat
>get excited and produce my block
>instantly stop caring because 4yo retardation
>toss it on the back porch
>3 years later
>porch covered in clutter
>play in clutter alone because 7yo retardation
>see the block and remember
>at this point i know about stealing and feel massive guilt
>no one must know
>little brother shows up
>asks what i'm doing
>i say "porch olympics"
>start tossing clutter
>little brother joins in
>now he's throwing shit
>in the chaos i stealth-bury the block in clutter
>evidence concealed
>mom hears the ruckus
>puts swift end to porch olympics
>also she didn't see the block which was important
>later that year is first confession
>catholic ritual where you tell a priest all your bad shit
>then he tells you to say some prayers
>tell priest i stole a toy in preschool
>priest gives me nasty lecture
>i'm fucking terrified
>start having nightmares about my mom finding the block and turning me over to the cops
>going to prison
>all the nightmares
>frequently check the porch to see if the block is still there
>it always is
>stew in my own dread daily for four more years
>one day i make a plan to dispose of the evidence
>the plan is throw it in the trash
>go to the porch
>it's still there
>look around
>grab the block and run as fast as i fucking can to the trashcan
>can't just drop it on top, that's too obvious
>someone will be like "what's that block doing in there?"
>reach deep into the trash and deposit it at the bottom
>pull my arm out
>now have a half-sleeve of filth stuck to my one arm
>but it doesn't compare to the filth i felt in my soul
>run to the shower and wash filth away
>next day my mom takes the trash out
>nightmares over forever like porch olympics
>can now safely rehash all of this because statute of limitations
>i won

>>25766694
Holy fucking shit, how was this not taken already?

>>25764767
>woman on the internet
>kek
Guy here, if someone messed with my hair that way I would kill him. Hair is even more valuable for a guy since you know you won't have it for the rest of yout life.

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>>25774948
the most autistic thing in this whole thread

>>25764715

I once game a girl a cd with a bunch of songs she liked that I listened to, but i fucking pretended It was a radio show and recorded intros and outros thinking it was cute

I asked my theater teacher to allow me to write and direct my own play as a project. It was about a family and everyone was a different alien from a different planet, think "the munsters" but with aliens, poorly rehearsed and performed infront of a class of juniors.

I tried to arrange my own video game competition, they allowed it. It had 10 participants ad ran during lunch time, so random people came wandering in thinking it was just a bunch of kids playing games during the lunch period. I had the selected participants play a variety of different games as a sort of triathlon. Game Crazy was a sponsor.

It actually cost us more money then it raised, and someone stole a game.

I tried throwing a pre graduation party, only I thought it would be better to only invite 6 people and we would all hang out and eat BBQ and listen to music, not realizing that in high school, people wanna go to parties with a large group of people and drink and listen to loud music and dance. So no one showed up but a very close friend, and eventually he left to a different party without me, though he did ask, I just declined and went to my room.

in elementary I showed my two best friends my erection because if fascinated me. they just thought it was funny, so funny in fact that they repeated the story to my family while I was cutting the cake at my 11th birthday.I remember the look on my uncles face as my best friend, laughing, used his index finger to demonstrate how it all went down in the boys bathroom that day.

>>25764715
>be me
>work for corporation for 11 years
>trying to get a ratcheting strap prepped
>always had one prepared before,so already spilling spaghetti
>girl walks by
>pretty sure I've seen her before, but not positive
>know there's a new girl in office called "X"
>"hey, believe it or not after all this time I've never started a ratcheting strap before
>always had one prepared, heh. Do you know how to do this?"
>girl shows me I'm over thinking it and has it ready in a second
>"Oh, I thought you had to secure it"
>"It is secured"
>"I mean like double it back on itself or tie it"
>"...maybe there's a way but that'll work"
>"th-thanks. You're X right? Nice to finally meet you!"
>"You've met me before it's just been a few years..."
>*girl blank stares*
>"I-I mean since oh started working for this branch of the company, haha"
>*awkward pause*
>*run away*

The rest of the shift was shite 2bh m80 because I was self conscious I sperged out so hard.
This was ~24 hours ago. Kill me.

>>25765081
To make him feel bad of course. Why else?

>>25765315
How deluded are you?
Haven't you seen a new guy trying to get in a group of chads? They will bully as fuck and has to endure it until a new guy appears.
Don't you know that no matter how good friends two girls seem they will shittalk about the other at her back and will betray her and bully her if she can get something out of it?
Chads/Stacies aren't nice with anybody, specialy with other Chads/Stacies because they are their rivals.

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>>25771722
>hey look mom i posted it again
>are pizza bites done yet?

Can't you just fuck off to reddit with the rest of your shitty, annoying generation?

>>25778984
Do you have a family and steady job at this point?

>>25785791
Why was your mom ashamed?
Was it because she realised that by homeschooling you she had turned you into a giant pussy who can't rationalise?

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>be in middle school
>talking with QT oneitis
>topic switches to who i liked. she starts listing all of her friends
>i say no to all of them. she still starts listing more names, i say yes to one of them so we can change the topic.
>mfw she left that talk thinking i liked one of her friends

pic related mfw after that talk

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>>25787680

pic related, it is you

>>25765285
>>25774062
>>25775496
>>25781094
i want to believe :DDD

>>25766379
Holy shit this post made me burst into treats top lel

>>25774948
Oh my fucking god, this is too good. I am blown away at how meta this is.

>>25764943
scotch whisky

> Be me
> Be 14 years old
> Have huge cruss on Aryan Princess
> Try flirting like a beta
> Give compliments everyday
> When she is not at school, call her to inform her on the Homework
> When I skip school I ask her about homework
> We arent even friends, just classmates
> Whole class knows I have a cruss on here
> They ask why I try because she doesnt like me
> they insist I tell them I have a cruss on her but I refuse
> Subhuman marrocan filth asks me why I cant get her.
> Prepare for maximum Beta Overdrive
> My love for her is like the sun and she is a flower which refuses the sun.

Cringe about for years


Another one

> Be me
> Be 16
> Work in grocery store and have to refill it.
> New coworker arrives
> A total manlet chad
> Dont know how he pulls it off, but he does. It /fit/ etc/
> Me and other coworkers start talking and having a good time while also working
> He turns to me and says:
Anon, You are pretty cool

> I am filled with happiness, A chad thinks I am cool. I have decent looks but always manage to fuck things up
> I say, Wow thank you
> Another coworker stand next to me:
> '' Uhm, he just said you are weird, why would >you answer like that? '
>Me: WHat?
> Chad: Yeah, the guys made a list of weird guys and you are on it
> Honestly it doesnt surprise me one bit.
> Still it sucks pretty much.


Highschool was filled with stuff like this. Pretty glad I was never bullied or something like that. Just knew who to talk to and who to avoid.

>>25766462
Nice. Thanks for the chuckle.

>>25778610
you are a very very sick man

>be me age 8
>go in cabinet and wait for people to open it
>show my dick to some christian chick
>get suspense

>>25778610
He was probably trying to save you from your hikikomori ways. And he was sincere too.

>>25764725
>long hair
>pretty
pick one, cuck

>>25778296
>"I don't know why"
I hate you and your kind. Better be evil and know it than an animal acting on impulse.

>>25764850
it's not that persons desk it's the schools desk desu senpai

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Hide reddit threads
Ignore reddit posts
Do not reply to reddit posters

stopped drinking water and passed out

This is the most autistic thing you've all done?
I'm not even autistic and I've done way worse things. Also a question to the autismos: After you did this kind of thing, did you just move on with your life or did you avoid the person/never went to that place again, ect?

I play hide and seek game with my cat

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>first time with a girl
>had really awkward sex for 30 seconds
>went on my back and she starts jerking me off
>takes over 1 hour to finish me
>load shoots all over my face
>curled up under the covers and cried
>said i was just embarrassed and asked her to pls leave the room for a moment
>we watch American Dad for a bit
>she tries to cuddle me
>I dont want to cuddle
>she starts crying
>I go home
>start crying when I get home because I feel bad for not wanting to cuddle her after awkward sex

>>25767550
Dota is just too stressful

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>>25766379
too late faggot
>public posts on the internet
>spergs out when people steal them
>mfw sippin on robot tears while normies think im funny

My only advice is NEVER shit where you eat.
If you go to the same school or work at the same place, don't make a move. It's better to stick with club sluts and prostitutes.

>>25766716
wtf the only thing autistic about this is that you're so fucking embarrassed by a shared childhood memory with a friend. its funny and should have some nostalgia value.

>>25764725
Shut up fggt you disgust me

>Be around 10
>Worry obsessively about sounding like a sperg when speaking
>To double check I don't sound retarded, repeat everything under my breath once I've said it
>Becomes a habit with all friends and family
>After a few months, mother comments on it casually
>Dumbfounded, I ask my dad if he has noticed my tick
>He has
>Realise everyone has been able to hear my do my little autismo check the whole time
>Oh the irony

>>25764843
SNIBBY SNABBYIND :DDD