I am a long time lurker, and I only mention I'm a girl to give context to my situation and ask for specific input. Behind all the memes and laughs I think that you guys really do have valuable insights on people and since I don't have an outsider's perspective I wanted to ask if you had any input on my situation.
I'm feeling really lonely these days and it's getting more difficult now that I'm a 21 year old KV.
I did grow up in a more conservative household but more than that I was always focused a lot on music as a kid and never really socialized in middle or high school. I never really felt the need to for some reason, having the cello competitions were so involving that I never got the time to think about those sorts of things.
I thought that by going to an Ivy league school I would be able to meet people like me, but it didn't turn out that way. People here are really high achieving and neurotic about their work, as expected, but otherwise mostly very normal.
There's a lot of alcohol, drugs and sex around me and while I knew about these things from the internet it always involved some distant 'other' group of people, never myself and people I knew. It was still a shock to find myself right in the middle of that scene.
I believe that being a modest, sensible woman is something to strive for. I wear clothes that aren't revealing (though they don't necessarily hide my body's shape). I maintain good hygiene, exercise and only tried makeup for about a semester in high school. I've never felt comfortable with social media either. I have a huge desire to be taken seriously for what I can offer in my work, and to be taken seriously as a partner in a relationship.
While I don't believe that a woman's value is primarily in being a companion to a man, I would be lying if I said I didn't want to be in a lasting relationship with someone that I trust and that I waited to make the right choice for.
Just as you don't like the idea of a woman engaging in meaningless physical intimacies with men she doesn't care about, I don't like the idea of a man doing the same. I have an idealized version of sex that is the culmination of a long-term relationship. There would be awkwardness and anxiety, yes, but also a tremendous amount of excitement and desire - I would say love but maybe that's too cliche. And most importantly, trust. When you have sex you are at your most vulnerable and I believe that to be true of both men and women. You should be with someone you trust and love so that you develop a positive attitude towards sex and the other person.
Everywhere I look, however, men fall into one of two categories: wishing that they could easily pick up & hook up with women, or constantly picking up & hooking up with women. I've considered relationships with both types of man. But I believe there should be a natural friendship with plenty of rapport before escalating into a romantic relationship. At the risk of sounding shallow, the first type of man is generally anxious to freely talk & express themselves and the second type, I just can't get over that they treat physical intimacy with so much disregard, not to mention they try to escalate physically way too quickly. I am much better friends with the girls I know.
The fact of the matter is, we are all young 20 year olds who don't have a lot of wisdom or life experience. But it will be more difficult when I'm older, because of the added difficulty of meeting people.
Have I fallen into the trap of waiting for an idealized 'perfect' man who has the same views on intimacy and responsibility as I do, yet who also engages me without timidness and is excited to interact with me? Is this too much to expect? Do I sound like I have a pessimistic view of things, which might spill over into the way I approach conversation? Am I removed from the norm enough in appearance and habits that men will naturally be suspicious or consider me to have problems? Could it just be I'm looking in the wrong places? Maybe something else entirely?
Just the mere fact that you posted a thought out post on r9k expecting a thought out response shows that you re expecting too much from your life and other people.
People like you were born in the wrong era. Thems the kicks. It's an ugly nihilist world with ugly nihilist people there and especially if you go to one of those ivy league shit holes.
Don't be so long winded. Trust me, there are a million men alone out there having an argument with isolation. Love comes naturally, be patient and yourself. The hardest part is the waiting and mistakes. Drugs and alcohol help make conversation with yourself.... sometimes you fall in love with the isolation and sadness.... you realise that if you are not for yourself alone, than who could be waiting for me? Are they desiring the shelter that you can provide for them and vice versa? Is it too late? Is all hope lost? Am I too late?
>I've never felt comfortable with social media either.
Well, if you don't have Facebook then I can see that being kind of worrying to a normie, not for any reason specifically but because it's just so odd and people constantly look each other up on Facebook so if you're not there it's very noticable.
No one you meet is ever gonna be perfect. I'm not sure how much we would actually get along irl but I do qualify for a decent amount of the criteria you mentioned (timid about sex, wants a trusting relationship, etc.) and I know I'm not the only one. So I'm sure you'll find someone. The worlds a big place. Try getting into a small group of friends. A group who parties but not excessively, in that group there will probably be one or two awkward guys like me who are in the same boat as you. Just keep lookin', you'll find someone eventually. Also enjoy your time being single now, once you're in a relationship you'll occasionally miss being single so enjoy it while you still got it. Hopefully this helped, it probably didn't but oh well. Good luck
Bottom line, you're just a rare breed in this day and age.
>we are all young 20 year olds who don't have a lot of wisdom or life experience
Such humility and restraint is anathema to the YOLO generation of which we're a part.
I have no idea where you could look to find to find others of your ilk. To my sensibilities you're an individual of uncommon caliber. I think we all start out thinking the most people are going to be more or less like ourselves, but some of us discover that they're not-- that their values and world views differ substantially from our own, and we're like a tiny island amid an indifferent ocean.
Are you junior at Princeton? Asian girl?
either way I'll respond as if you were her. You had wrong idea about Ivy League. These guys are the most normie of them all. They really are not looking for a long term relationship in college and anyone here who says they are is a virgin/can't get any. Yeaj some girls every year get locked down before they graduate but those are super conservative 9/10s who marry for money
BTW true robots don't really try to go and socialize and don't pursue. You're not fembot. Failed normie
>men fall into one of two categories: wishing that they could easily pick up & hook up with women, or constantly picking up & hooking up with women
blame feminism for creating a whole generation of pickup artist who only want to use you for sex. you made your bed now lay in it. you women made the price of sex cheap and men don't have to commit.
> I've never felt comfortable with social media either
That's only going to make things more difficult but it''s understandable why you wouldn't want to use one.
>Everywhere I look, however, men fall into one of two categories: wishing that they could easily pick up & hook up with women, or constantly picking up & hooking up with women.
I don't know where you're looking but no, most mature men your age don't think/act like this although admittedly a fair amount do. My guess is that you're focusing on the chads and chad-wannabe beta/failed normies and not paying much attention to the decent normie tier men, non-chad like men.
>Have I fallen into the trap of waiting for an idealized 'perfect' man who has the same views on intimacy and responsibility as I do, yet who also engages me without timidness and is excited to interact with me?
Well no it's not really impossible to find these kinds of guys. There are plenty of guys posting on r9k itself about wanting a relationship just like you describe and genuinely mean it. They exist in mass numbers but, again, you're probably just looking in all the wrong places.
>Is this too much to expect?
In a relationship, no. But what I think what you're looking for is more of a guy who approaches you with these characteristics as opposed to someone who will carry through with them as the relationship begins. What I'm getting at is that you have to give the guy time to show more of himself to see if you two have the same characteristics instead of just passing him off as either one of the two categories of guys you've described
>Do I sound like I have a pessimistic view of things
A BIT pessimistic but nothing too problematic that you can't fix. Honestly it's mostly just that you expect too much of a guy at first glance instead of seeing exactly if he has to offer what you're looking for over time
> which might spill over into the way I approach conversation?
I don't know. Does it? You tell us how you approach conversation
If OP is asian it makes sense
White guys see you as subhuman fuck dolls and asian guys see you as race traitors
I'm guessing the bitter men who were nervous to talk to you were the asisns and the slayers were whites amirite OP? Welcome to being and asian girl in America
You're just looking in the wrong places. I've talked to plenty of guys that also find it weird that there is just chad and orbiters, and there are plenty of guys that fall inbetween the two categories.
The reason of why you can't find them is because they aren't all about finding a gf. They could care less if you are their friend or finding a gf because they don't think of everyone that way, and because of that, alot of women loose intrest in those kind of guys. Not to mention their voices also get drowned out by all the beta orbiters.
So they are out there, you can find the, its just harder because they won't be chasing after you, or they won't just fall into your orbit, they're just kinda, there.
I would say that you have unrealistic expectations out of life. There is a very high chance you will spend the rest of your life all alone and you better make peace with that fact as soon as possible.
> Ivy League
> omg r8 thread!
Am I removed from the norm enough in appearance and habits that men will naturally be suspicious or consider me to have problems?
All guys have different detentions of what a redflag is. Most of them is if you look like some kind of gothic/tryhard slut. Unless you do something that can definitely be considered redflag I wouldn't put the blame on that. Maybe you're just not the type of girl that the guys you've been surrounding yourself would be into
>Could it just be I'm looking in the wrong places?
Probs 2beeh family. For real.
> Maybe something else entirely?
Maybe, but you'd have to tell us.
>But it will be more difficult when I'm older, because of the added difficulty of meeting people.
Nah, when you get older you're going to meet plenty (and I mean PLENTY) of desperate older men with desires similar to your's and are more mature so it might actually get easier as you age
But in the end, it's really not just a funnay r9k maymay when we say girls have it easier than men when it comes to dating. If you started approaching more guys and taking time to see what they really want before dropping them you'd probably find what you're looking for; relatively quickly at that.
OP you're probably just ugly
Sorry but sexy ass PTP that puts out will win over your faux nobility 100% guarantee
You can have the leftover losers when you're 30 and desperate, where will your ideals be then
I'm not sure I totally understand what you're concerned about, but I'll give it a shot.
I think you'll find it's relatively uncommon for straight 20-somethings to be close friends with anyone of the opposite sex. It's just a natural thing - hormones start stirring shit up before you can even begin to converse and interact as normal, functional human beings and not blubbering masses of feel-good chemicals and awkwardness. It doesn't necessarily mean that they just want to fuck, though I will admit a pretty huge chunk of people here do fall in that category.
That said, there are plenty of guys out there who are fairly independent and emotionally stable, and are more interested in forming close friendships with people they like, rather than just chasing after a feeling and trying to find something to stick their dick into. I can say that for certain because, well, I'm kinda one of them. I'm more passionate about my work than I am about any potential future with another person I might have, but I still need human contact just like everyone else on the planet. Sometimes emotional, sometimes physical. Sometimes personal, sometimes interpersonal.
tl;dr, I think you're overgeneralizing the many, many, different kinds of personalities there are out there. You won't find the right one unless you really try to get to KNOW them, and by the looks of it, you aren't really getting out there and meeting a lot of new people.
>But in the end, it's really not just a funnay r9k maymay when we say girls have it easier than men when it comes to dating. If you started approaching more guys and taking time to see what they really want before dropping them you'd probably find what you're looking for; relatively quickly at that.
This is the exact reason why these fembot/anon/female reply bait threads should be bannable, and /trash/ed on sight. If your in uni a girl and go to your classes i have a 1000% chance that some dufus even a chad maybe has a crush on you. You are just playing the scared wet kitten shit.
The remaining robots here have no social chances, unlike you most people around them dislike or actively avoid them. I am positive that while you may have relationship questions and doubts at least you have enough support around you that you generally feel loved and safe. The robots do not. There's no secret crushes, there's no friends to trust with their feelings, in fact they probably can't even express their feelings because of advanced autism.
Long story short m'lady, you are in the wrong neighborhood to achieve any reasonable answer to you problem which is why you must be trolling for replies and lulz.
I would like to appeal to whoever has administrative rights on this board to, either politely move the thread to /soc/ /adv/ or /b/ or just ban the poster. I can understand why others are saying this board has lost its identity.
First, can't believe no one's checked those dubs. They are quite nice doubloons if I do say so myself.
OP, you have the attitude of a man. Just by reading your post I can clearly see that.
I bet you talk like a man too, which is why people are wary of you. If a girl talks like a man, she's either a turboslut, a lesbian or fucked up. Maybe all 3. I would be wary as hell of you if we met IRL, just putting it out there.
I'm going to make this quick, you're never going to find a suitable partner unless you wait, you're not going to wait so brace for what will inevitably be a heartbreak, everyone you meet online and in real life will be a flawed piece of shit incapable of being faithful because of the influences of this hedonistic society.
I don't think you're foolish for wanting those traits in a partner, it's just that you're not exactly in an environment where the things you value are valued by your peers. That being said, I think you should hold out for a guy who comes close to your ideal. You sound mature and aware enough of yourself that I don't believe you could find satisfaction pursuing relationships below your standards. Believe me, I know how tempting it is to give up on your ideals and simply take whoever comes along, but that will only lead to disappointment. Right now it may seem like all all guys fall into those categories, but I can assure you that they do not. Plus, let me pose this question to you: do you think any man who fits your ideal would judge you for waiting for him? It may seem like there's a rush to meet "the one" while surrounded by so many potential partners, but there are actually plenty of ways to meet guys in the adult world. You seem like a well adjusted individual, so you'll be able to meet people through the workplace, music stores or other locations related to your hobbies, etc. However, since "be patient" is still pretty shitty advice, if you want to improve the odds of meeting a guy that fits you, you should actively put yourself in situations where you'll meet prospective partners. But don't just go to any bar or club. Maybe go to a lounge or concert halls where bands you like often play. Join clubs related to your other interests. I know there's a general level of shittiness associated with it, but the internet is still the leader in sheer quantity of interaction, and can be used to meet more guys. Also, while I did say to stick to your standards, I'd give anyone who meets them about 75% of the way a shot (assuming the other 25% isn't any major dealbreaker type stuff). So to sum it all up, you're not expecting too much, but it won't be easy finding what you seek. The potential reward is enough to justify that effort though.
'Fembot here, I don't normally announce my gender normally which is a girl, I only remind people that I am a femanon that I am when a thread such as this calls for it, namely, for stating I'm female.'