>2012 family vacation in Tahoe >by myself on the beach because jetskis make me motion sick >qt Stacy reading near me, I decide to strike up a conversation because fuck it I'm leaving in a few days >remember reading girls like confidence, I'll be upbeat and cheery >"hi I'm anon, what are you reading?" >holocaust survivor novel >"oh have you read the sunflower? It's a great holocaust book!" >great >holocaust >book
>>25756138 My mother's death, more specifically the day of her funeral Early in the morning I went to the chapel of rest and seeing her there just made it all seem real It's weird, seeing her waving goodbye at the train station and the next time a week later her eyes closed in a coffin I knew she was depressed, but fuck I wish she had just got help or something Seeing here there was the worst moment of my life, I was terrified That was really the last day of my childhood when I think about it
>>25756262 >the sunflower is a great holocaust book It was though... Very controversial I recently read it in my theology class and it was interesting to read the commentary by famous figures, philosophers, and theologians
16 years old, father came home and took out his anger over his part time job on me. I was already dealing with shit with my mom, and stressed/depressed over my struggling grades. morbidly obese, no friends, homeschooled, never left the house. I hated everyone and everything except my dog. I contemplated killing myself that day.
>>25756678 You're a fuckin liar, peepap! You went STRAIGHT to hell and we all know it. Mom's fuckin some nigger that likes to take my mountain dew and doritos and he beats me sometimes. YOU'RE THE REAL NIGGER THOUGH, DAD! (but furreal tho get that demon girl butthole lg lifes good)
>>25756621 Well, right now I know it was because of BPD. The reasoning I had for justifying killing myself THEN was that my family had put a lot of pressure on me to succeed in school, and while I was being ostracized by the rest of the kids there, i had absolutely no friends and I was lagging behind all the other faggots when it came to puberty (this continued through high school). I didn't know I had BPD as a kid, i only came to figure that out about a year ago, and the only reason I believe I have it now is because it accurately describes the symptoms I've experienced for much of my life (e.g, fear of abandonment even when it's not real, inability to form stable relationships, etc.,). So it's a self-diagnosis. I've neglected to get a professional one because I'm afraid of what my parents would think of me if they found out I had BPD. My family would've fucking put me in a mental home if they knew i'd tried to kill myself then, and I'm sure they still would now. But I really want some kind of help because I'm so fucking lonely.
I've been beaten, abused, all of my friends have presumably died/confirmed died/forgotten about me and moved on with life, I've tried to off myself 4 times and I like to consider myself at least partially well off
Can someone please explain this? How in the fuck can you fail to commit suicide 4 times? It should take one fucking try. Everyone who says they've tried to off themselves are all fucking pansies that havent actually tried. Taking 10 advil isnt a suicide attempt you dumbfucks
>12 years old >when Animal Planet was good >Steve Irwin was my hero >wanted to be just like him >he was like a super hero to me
>mom just found out that my dad was cheating >she showed up at my school and checked me out early >she was really upset >we drove 6 hours to my grandma's house >stayed there a few weeks >grandma didn't have cable >i was just left alone to be upset my parents splitting up >one night mom is reading the paper >"hey anon, the crocodile hunter is dead" >i'm crushed
That night I realized that everything is shit and never looked back.
My beta years of middle school. >Kid named Terrance used to fuck with me in front of the cute girls >Just stood there like a bitch and let him Terrance was like 6 feet tall in 6th and 7th grade, guy would have almost definitely kicked my ass in a fight but I still to this day regret not standing up to him.
I am definitely a lot better about shit like this now. I think people can sense when you're a beta and they feed off of it, ever since I stopped taking shit from people it has all stopped. In high school I wasn't fucked with at all, if there are any under age b&s lurking here take my advice: Stand up for yourself, it might mean you'll get an ass kicking but trust me, an ass kicking is a lot better than taking years of shit in front of everyone and being made out to be a bitch.
Just around one year ago I took all of my medication and hid in a storm drain in a field where I passed out listening to Learning to Fly by Pink Floyd. So I have this borderline NDE trip while I'm out and I come to in the hospital. Death, from what I experienced was comfortable and inviting, but the scariest part was waking up into a world where my mom had taken pictures of the paramedics dragging my almost lifeless body out of the storm drain while she stood by with my 4 year old sister who was brought outside to see. Later she uploaded the pictures to MY facebook account and in one fell swoop, my friends, the last piece of humanity I had, was gone. I haven't left myself in the past couple months outside of getting the mail. I think the most painful part of all of it is knowing that my four year old sister saw. I moved out and don't want my narcissistic mom to talk to me anymore so I stay away at the expense of potentially losing my sister to mental illness.
Finding out my grandpa died in the baggage claim area of the John Wayne Airport when we had just landed and we were on the way to see them. We still fly through that airport a lot and I always feel feels. He was my only grandparent I got to know since my other grand parents died before I was like 9.
>>25756138 >In gifted program >Severely piss of programs head counselor >Offered to transfer to "New Dawn" a program giving college credit to high schoolers >Why wouldn't we take this >Brand new program just starting, try to find info but only have what they tell us in the office/meetings >Transfer to it >Its a fenced off area at a college campus where they bus-in students from juvenile hall >There are some outsiders in the program like me, most of them were sent there after becoming violent in special ed. classes. >The betrayel is insanely palpable, THIS CANT BE THE REAL LIFE >THIS CANT BE ALLOWED TO HAPPEN >Once you're in the program you cant get out >Father has no grounds to sue the school >All the juvi's realise I have access to the outside >Get pushed to be a drug mule every single day >Have to show up or its breaking the law >We're researching how to get me out how to fight the school system entire time >Even the teachers of the program are trying to get me out >They sometimes let the juves out of the fenced area during lunches >I get yanked into the handball courts and shanked >I just hold the knife inside me at his hand so he can't keep pulling it out and stabbing it back in >Get the living shit punched out of my eyes, face, lose a tooth >College security stops it >They finally transfer me out to a normal high school but I have to be in special ed because you can't just transition from "New Dawn" to unmonitered high school life
If I still lived in America, I'd be just waiting for the day I was forgotten about and could hunt the bitch down. God bless those teachers trying to get me out of there. In fact, one of the teachers there had pissed someone else off and the same trick was done to her. She thought she was going to be teaching gifted students. The school district was using the new program as a sort of dumping ground for people they wanted to fuck over. OP's pic was me by the time I left.
>senior year of high school >obsessed with hot cheerleader >we were good friends to the point where we'd hang out 1 on 1 in her room >she'd let me give her back rubs and lay in my lap >I was pretty much her asexual slave boy >Yet somehow I mistook this as love and would spend 24/7 thinking about her >eventually she got tired of me and started treating me like shit >acted like faggot and told her about my feelings for her >she shut me down hard and told everyone at school how pathetic I was >was so embarrassed by everyone knowing that I stayed home from school "sick" for 2 days >that weekend there was a party at a mutual friend's house >didn't want to go because she'd be there but my friends convinced me and I didn't want to be left out >she was there and of course ignored me so I just stayed on the other side of the room >after we all got drunk I went for a walk with my friends before coming back to the party >she was fucking the guy who threw the party on the couch while everyone was in the other room laughing about it >they all got silent when I came in while trying to keep the secret >of course it only took me a few minutes to hear her screaming and figure it out >had a panic attack and left walking miles home >for the entire next month I barely talked to anyone in class and could feel people talking about what happened and how much of a pathetic cuckold I was >luckily this was april so I graduated in may
I cut all contact with my highschool social group and never talked to them again because I was so embarrassed and spent most of college playing wow and dota in my room. Probably should've handled it better and I now realize it wasn't worth getting that worked up about, but damn as a dumb 17 year old virgin it destroyed me. I still get chills thinking about it.
>>25760377 nah I'm not going to blame women for what she did. She was a giant cunt and I knew it all along but let my heart/dick get in the way. She bullied kids her entire life and got everything she wanted because she was hot. I saw her backstab other girls and treat them like shit but I always rationalized it. She reaping what she sowed now. She went to cheerlead at some big state school only to get kicked off the team and out of her sorority because everyone fucking hated her for being a bipolar bitch.
>>25760579 She snitched, so she's responsible. However, since you knew she was a cunt already, part of the blame belongs to you. It sucks that it happened to you, but it's like walking with tigers while meat's strapped across your back.
You can redeem yourself if don't let it happen again.
>>25756138 >11-12 >wake up one morning >right testicle is the size of an egg >can barely walk >have to go to the hospital >the doctors ultrasound my testicle to look for parasites >it was a male doctor doing it with a female nurse (and my fucking mother) watching
the most painful part of this is the amount I cringe at it
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