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I'm genuinely curious about autism and...
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I'm genuinely curious about autism and what it's like to have it.
>non judgmental, open minded autism thread
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>>25712333
so that is madonas daughter or something?
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>>25712349
it's Ella Yelich O'Connor.
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It's kind of like being an immigrant to a different culture.

At first you are not going to know what the fuck is going on or what anyone is talking about so you have to put effort into learning everyone's customs and body language and such and you never really feel fully integrated even after decades of living there.
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>>25712333
Depends on the level of autism, children with minor autism tend to be focused, antisocial, and smart, and they get attached to things easily, hence why fandoms are often called autistic.
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>>25712333
I'm blind to most body language. I can hear you speak, but I don't pick up on your secondary communication. I know normal people can read my language, but I can't read theirs. It's like living in a society where everyone can read minds except for a tiny minority.
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>>25712453
holy shit I think I have this
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If I get diagnosed with HFA/Asperger can I get NEETbux and/or legal weed?

Because if I'm honest with myself it seems likely that I've got that going on, but so far no motivation to get it officially diagnosed.

Not a joke.
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>>25712470
You may want to go and see a professional.
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remember when you didnt fit in in high school. its like that but forever.>>25712397


also >>25712453

and this>>25712413, recently im into knot tying
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>>25712559

I'm on NEETbux for aspergers

not sure about weed, but I think in most places you can get it for anxiety which would be easy to claim if you have an aspergers diagnosis
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>>25712333

For me, it manifests as extremely poor hand-eye coordination, bad spacial reasoning skills, awkward tone and posture, and high sensitivity to over-stimulation.

It, combined with my horrible ugliness, is the main reason I'm a worthless sack of shit.
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>>25712333
Mfw my cousin is good friends with her
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>>25712453
I has this bit you can learn it. You won't be using same part of brain as nonautisms but still you are able to understand body language.
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>>25713435
How does one learn to overcome the body language thing?
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>>25713223
wait are you seriuis
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I am a female with autism, so my experience will be different than most people posting.

A few things stand out, I guess. I can't recognize faces. This makes movies very confusing if everyone has the same hair. I have been known to follow strangers by accident thinking they are family members. I cannot recognize myself in a mirror.

I have poor fashion sense, get very intense, specific interests, am hyperlexic (started reading at age 2, currently read 750 WPM with 80% retention, 650 with 100% accuracy), have trouble with social cues. I can answer any specific questions you might have about my condition.
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>>25713223
how good of friends
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>>25713799
>>25713817
Went to school together they have photos together and shit. cousin was head girl so was known well. And no I don't have any pics
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I was diagnosed with aspergers, I'm not a total sperg but it's probably noticeable to people that I hang around with a lot. I have to try really hard to look at people in the eye and I have so little confidence that it haunts me at night. I spend a lot of time thinking about all the things I could have done better, and I tell myself that I need to just try harder, but when it comes down to actually acting on the things I want to improve I just sink into depression. I guess it's nice to have something to lean on when I'm reminded about my failures, but I shouldn't use it as an excuse.
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>>25713804
I posted >>25712453 above as a female with Autism. There's more of us than you'd think.
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>>25713804
>I can't recognize faces.
That's an entirely separate disorder not even related to autism.
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>>25712453
this

autism is literally just social retardation
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>>25714273
There are many developmental disorders associated with an increased likelihood that the person will have difficulties in face perception, of which the person may or may not be aware. The mechanism by which these perceptual deficits take place is largely unknown. A partial list of some disorders that often have prosopagnosiac components would include nonverbal learning disorder, Alzheimer's Disease, and autism spectrum disorders in general. However, these types of disorders are very complicated, so arbitrary assumptions should be avoided.

Don't say shit about things you don't know anything about.
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you know that moment when you meet someone new and you have to exchange names and then decipher if they're going in for the hug, handshake, or nothing?


it's like that constantly.
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>>25714307
It's a lot more global than that. I'm not her, but I also have a lot of issues with balance, and with things like controlling the volume of my voice. I also have issues filtering out stimulus, and as a result, I rarely enjoy music. I can't even mentally separate the instruments from the lyrics of a song, it just sounds like noise to me.
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>>25714307
There's also problems with stimuli. Certain noises or feelings can be killer.
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>>25714307
What about low-functioning autists who literally cannot verbally communicate with another person and have to be placed in a facility under watch once they reach a certain age if they have nobody to take care of them? These types cannot even wipe their own ass, among other traits.

>>25714316
>copypasting an article within seconds

I could also be pedantic and argue the "components" bit but interesting to know that autistic disorders share comorbidity with prosopagnosia.
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>>25712453
>I can hear you speak, but I don't pick up on your secondary communication. I know normal people can read my language, but I can't read theirs.

I've never been able to put it into words as well as this.

I actually had trouble understanding 'body language' at a conceptual level when one of my teachers tried to explain it to me in middle school.

I thought she was fucking with me. Turns out she was trying to give me a heads up.
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>>25714409
I can read really fucking fast, like I said. And I already memorized the article on prosopagnosia, so I knew where to look.
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>>25714476
Fair enough. I envy your memory.
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>>25714507
If it makes you feel better, I only have good memory for very specific things. Last week, I forgot how old I was and had to check online.
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>>25714534
What did you forget, the basic math involved or so?

I actually have somewhat decent memory for very specific things too but my overall memory skill is at a far lower level than yours.
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>>25712333
one of the things i used to get in trouble for in school was 'smirking' or laughing when i got in trouble, i couldnt really help it but whenever a teacher started having a go at me i just lost all control over my facial expression
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>>25714553
No, I forgot whether I was 26 or 27. It was 26. I did the math using Google Calculator and figured it out.

I'm just good at remembering information in a given sequence. I can't remember anything outside of that sort of context.
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>>25714587
Hm. I'll drop it.

So linear memorization? Say, a sequence of numbers, that sort of thing?
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>>25714624
Yeah, I'm weirdly good at that sort of thing. Breezed through most of school because of it. It tends to make people mad, really. Someone will ask me, for instance, how much something costs at the grocery store, and I can tell them nearly anything there's normal price. People don't expect exact answers like $1.59 when they ask the cost of something, and if they ask "when did you wake up" i might say something like "8:32 AM" and once again, people find that off-putting for some reason.
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For those higher up on the spectrem like my self it is a bit like this.
You know all the social interactions that probably come natural and instictually to you.
Well none of that is natrual to me, or my kind. In fact to better understand social interaction I had to study books, practice, and go to special classes where I learned it in a very clinical analytical way. It actually take a great deal of effort to interact like a somewhat normal person, it is mentally tiring, requires focus, and I often make mistakes, many of which I don't even notice until afterwards. Interpersonal relationships are very hard and I actually avoid getting close to people because most of the time it is not worth the effort.

Also eye contact makes me extremely uncomfortable most of the time as well as contact with feet.
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>>25714316
Don't be a snowflake.

For me having autism is this:

>being irritable all the time because you're sensitive to everything, end up doing stupid self-injurious behaviors
>stereotypic behaviours that people associate with the mentally hanicapped
>can't read body language
>circumscribed interests that are pretty useless
>shit motor control
>low self-awareness
>poor attention because constantly distracted by stimuli
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>>25714716
Right. Sounds like a bit of savantism.
That actually sounds cool and immensely interesting/helpful but of course normal people are going to find anything (wait for it) ABnormal "weird".
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>>25714739
I don't see how it's a snowflake thing. I was diagnosed in a hospital with prosopagnosia when I called my nurse by the name of another nurse and was baffled when she told me that was her coworker and not her. Did some testing and they figured it out. Prior to that, I didn't realize other people could tell people apart by their faces. It was a weird realization.
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>>25714739
This is true. I am obsessed with mechanical keyboards. I can tell you everything about mechanical keyboards. I have a nice keyboard collection so far, but I'm lonely and I'm terrible at being around people. I cry when someone whistles for too long. This sucks.
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Do autistic people get lonely like regular people do or do they not mind being alone? Because I'd imagine many autists having issues making friends and finding love.
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>>25714782
Yeah, I was told that as a kid because of the hyperlexia. I don't particularly care what people think of me for the most part, as I can't really relate to most people on any meaningful level, so it doesn't matter if they can do so for me.
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>>25714828
I mean by telling the trip he doesn't know shit.

>>25714900
I don't get lonely despite spending long periods of time to myself. But I do think I should get out more.
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>>25714906
That's fine. You shouldn't be concerned with people's perceptions of you. Nobody should, really, in a logical sense. I don't relate to most people on any meaningful level either. It is miserable at times.
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>>25714883
I have 2 mechanical keyboards, an IBM model M I bought at a thrift store and cleaned up, and a Logitech G710+. Used the Model M for years, but I think I prefer the Logitech now. The macro keys are very useful for programming to suit the type of work I do.

>>25714900
I think it varies. Autists either tend to be very clingy or very aloof. I like being around people but I hate being touched by them.
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>>25714953
Oh. I didn't even check for the trip. I generally don't notice those.

>>25714955
This is true. Unfortunately, people are often much more emotional than logical.
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>>25714900
I'm so lonely all the time.
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>>25714975
I honestly have no idea how humanity has prospered and thrived for so long, being as logical as the majority is.
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>>25714960
The Model M is a solid board. Mine was built in 1987. The G710+ uses brown switches, which aren't my favorite, but I can see the appeal. I prefer blues.
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Think of back when you were a kid, and how you generally didn't pay super close attention to various things, like people having deep conversations around you, and you not putting some level of value in that stuff before running around interrupting shit.

That's kind of part of it.

I have epilepsy so it's not exactly the same, but I am partially spectrum.

If you want a better example, think of ADD. You know what it's like to be distractible, but you probably are unsure about what you will do with your life. Autism is like the opposite of ADD, but for lifelong goals. These goals cement into our heads, and when it comes to the very idea of NOT doing that stuff, it's mentally stressful to even consider those options. The more autistic you are, the more rigid that system becomes; not only are things your lifetime goals, but it's hard to consider doing anything besides those things RIGHT NOW.

My lifetime goal is sort of really ridiculous. I want/need to get off Earth, get out of the solar system, and hell if there is something that will stop me from making that happen. I'll learn everything there is to learn in the whole world if that's what it takes; I'll study the cooky pseudoscience and develop ways to experiment the stuff, if I can mix it with modern science and convince people to fund me. I'll get around the bounds of my social awkwardness if I need to urge people to help me; I'll practice mathematics until I can do all the equations in my head if need be. Right now I can't, but I spend a good chunk of every day practicing hoping to be the next Tesla.

That's what autism is like. It's like overly cocky ambitiousness, but for many it's not about something useful like my goal. For some it's like...remembering all the names of TV show characters. Or noting the fraction of cracked sidewalk blocks to uncracked ones. My brain links EVERYTHING to this future goal; it NEVER leaves my head. It's hard to focus on the reality around us, we're stuck in our own heads.
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>>25715061
I haven't tried the blues, but I will for my next keyboard. The Model M is pretty indestructible, only issue I had with it is that it's incredibly loud to use.

>>25715065
It's not so intense for me. I feel upset if I don't get to do the things I like to focus on, but they're all very easily attainable compared to yours. I don't feel like it's a major drive so much. For me it's more like I just don't get rewarded for doing things besides whatever specific thing I'm interested in.

Any of you other autists have weird behaviors as a kid? I'd spend hours stacking cups or lining up my toys. It was very satisfying.
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>>25715150
I'm using a QuickFire Rapid-i. If you want to get one with blues, you may want to consider one of those.
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>>25714738
Can we all just agree that eye contact is the fucking worst.
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>>25715354
Yes.

I have my own little trick, though. When I need to make eye contact, I look over my glasses. Then I can't make out their eyes very well.
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>>25715354
Agreed. The worst thing anyone ever did to me while angry was grab my chin and stare into my eyes with their face inches from mine. It was terrifying.
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The guy I like is an aspie what do I need to know? I'm pretty normie mentally/socially
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>>25715517
HE DOESNT MEAN IT IN ANY WAY OTHER THAN THE LITERAL NO MATTER WHAT HIS BODY LANGUAGE OR FACIAL EXPRESSION OR TONE IS. DISREGARD THAT INFORMATION AS USELESS. DO NOT BECOME OFFENDED.
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>>25715517
Get ready to have patience. He may unknowingly do things that will confuse or frustrate you. If he does, make sure you say exactly where he went wrong and how to do it right.
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>>25715065
Fuck that hit hard in the realization department
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>>25712559
currently nearing the end of my third year doing just that

I need to cut back on my habit however, if I can offer advice, don't get too sucked into it
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I'll give it a go and try to be as explicit as I can.

The biggest thing for me is the sensory/motor aspect. I've always been really hypersensitive to touch and sound. When I was a little kid, I'd bother my grandma or my mother by cutting the seams off of all my socks and leaving holes in my clothes by tearing the tags off. I've always worn my socks inside-out. I have a big thing with texture, and that resulted early-on in me being a picky eater.I don't like light touch (brushing, stroking, tracing, being tapped, etc.) AT ALL, and need a firm, constant, and predictable level of pressure in a comfy spot on my body to be okay with being touched.

Trigger sounds are a real thing. Some sounds just feel BAD, and they pretty much automatically send you into a blind, confused rage for a second. If you're a functional sperg, you learn to deal with it, leave, or ask people to stop nicely. If you're not, you scream and throw a tantrum. Either way, the screaming tantrum is what you feel like doing.

The other bit is motor coordination. I'm a late, late bloomer to a lot of basic stuff. It took me ages to learn how to ride a bike, to tie my shoes,
to hold a pencil/spoon/fork/anything properly, to use shirt buttons, etc. It took me longer than average to learn how to drive, and I often take a long time using odd doorknobs that other people seem to have no problem with. It just takes a while for the feeling of doing it right to "click."

Could never throw or catch worth shit. Tend to make a mess while eating, to this day. Have a slight lisp that I only become aware of when I hear a recording of my own voice. Kinda clumsy.

Apparently, I have a peculiar walk as well. When I walk, I kind of bounce along and move on my toes instead of however else people tend to walk. People point that one out a lot.
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>>25713645
There are tutorials online. I started with this when I finished watching house MD. He was good at it and i tried to be like him.
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>>25715517
Be as straightforward and literal as you can be when talking to him. If he's worked to improve himself he might be able to pick up on a few implications that you're interested in him, but don't ever expect him to succeed. You are literally never going to be in the right about this, so don't even try to turn something like that into being his fault.

And for the love of god, don't tell him you love him unless you actually mean it, that is literally the worst thing you can do to an aspie if they're interested in you.
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anyone got resources to self-dx? might have it, might not but i rly would like some sort of criteria i can hold myself against
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>>25716012
To expand on the sensory bit, I know this isn't every sperg, but a lot of us have some kind of synesthesia. I've got a handful of kinds of it, the biggest one being ticker-tape. I basically get closed-captions or a dialogue box IRL. I see the words people speak. Not surprisingly, I was in a lot of spelling bees when I was younger. I experience sound in a tactile fashion, too, and that's probably the one that affects my life the second-most.

As for interests and thought, this guy
>>25715065
explains it EXTREMELY well. You don't have interests. You have life-consuming obsessions that your thought swill turn to no matter what and that you have to express somehow. You'll be largely into the same shit as an adult that you were into as a kid, be that Pokemon, WWII trivia, inventing/fiddling with gadgets, cartoons, vidya, language, or whatever. If that obsession is something "useful," you're considered "talented" ("Oh wow, anon built a radio from scratch in second-grade! He's talented in science!" "Oh wow, anon's so good with numbers, he must be a genius!"), and if it's not, you're considered a manchild ("Why the fuck is anon 25 and still into Pokemon? I swear, he can name every single one but he can't get a job."), but really, it's all the same thing.

Another thing is that a lot of us tend to rant. We don't have conversations about our interests. We monologue AT people about them until we're blue in the face. My friends and I would just take turns ranting at each other about stuff like science or vidya or anime when we were kids, and that was conversation.
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>>25716222
The stuff about "thinking in pictures" is real. You're constantly in your own head, and sometimes, it's a shock to learn that people can't see into your head and that what people see of you doesn't reflect anything close to what's going on behind your eyes. In my case, it's really closer to my entire existence being one long, sustained, vivid daydream bordering on hallucination than just "thinking in pictures."

You think differently, except it's not really differently since you have no mode of thought to compare it against. Have your own way of intuitively doing math or chemistry equations that literally always yields the right answer? If you've got a teacher who demands that you show your work or explain your reasoning, you're still fucked.

Often, it feels like other people have some kind of telepathy that you don't. This guy
>>25712397
puts it well, as does
>>25712453

I dunno. Sometimes it feels like I'm a fucking space alien trying to blend in. Even kids can tell that there's something off about me, and I often feel that everybody knows I'm a sperg and nobody has the balls to say it.
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>>25712333
It's like being completely self-involved at all times, perpetually occupied by your own trivial OCD-type quirks or abstract overarching goal and never really being able to understand why other people try to bring you out of your world, your "safe space" where everything is okay.

This sounds pretty blunt and dickish but autists genuinely have great difficulty empathizing with others. We're trapped in our own minds to an extreme extent and lash out or otherwise break down when something threatens said thing. This is where the stereotype that autists don't like change comes from.

I can only speak mostly from memory since most of my autistic traits have been beaten out of me (or have just disappeared naturally, if such a thing even occurs), but when I was a child I would constantly need profuse amounts of personal time and space in my home and school life, to the point where I would refuse to let my mother touch me, even just to hold my hand when crossing the road. Yet, at the same time, I was unwilling to give other people personal space. I remember a kid in school I spent a whole day harassing by getting close solely because he didn't like it, and I simply could not understand why despite the fact that I do the exact same thing.

I'm not sure if it's autism or some other mental problem that has developed but i'm also constantly paranoid and feel out of place. I often wander about near people I need to talk to for whatever reason doing nothing because I feel like i'd somehow be overstepping if I interrupted them, no matter how trivial their activity is, to this extent i'm also terrified of waking people up.
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>>25716422
>completely self-involved at all times, perpetually occupied by your own trivial OCD-type quirks or abstract overarching goal and never really being able to understand why other people try to bring you out of your world

>This sounds pretty blunt and dickish but autists genuinely have great difficulty empathizing with others. We're trapped in our own minds to an extreme extent and lash out or otherwise break down when something threatens said thing. This is where the stereotype that autists don't like change comes from


DINGDINGDING
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You guys ever feel like maybe autism doesn't exist? Maybe everyone else has to learn social ques too and they either just don't talk about it or they forgot how they learned it, and by breaking this theoretical taboo we're just being a bunch of assholes?

I feel like I've hurt way too many people to be allowed to blame it on some sort of mental disorder.
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>>25716655
Nope. Can confirm that learning social cues and body language was 100% natural to me. I never needed to actually try.

However I'm the opposite of what you guys talk about. I excell at the details. I'm very good at picking up other people's emotions and reading other people just by their body language or facial expressions no matter how subtle it is. I can't stand eye contact either but a lot of normies (like me I guess) experience that too.
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>>25716721
I know it's likely not true, but autism creates so many problems in my life that it makes me feel better to think I'm just a dick and that autism doesn't exist at all.
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>>25716655
The thing is Autism takes up about 1/3 of the human race (at least in the first world that I know of) so you can't really blame being it for making you an asshole.

That guy you didn't know that well but he seemed like a nice guy if only a bit quirky probably has autism as well, didn't let it ruin his relationships.

Maybe if you were autistic to the point where you're literally non-functional, but at that point you have the ethical dilemma of people who are 100% reliant on society supporting them throughout their entire life
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>>25716773
It's okay anon. You can fake it until you make it. My coworker is so personable and friendly, and very charismatic as well with clients. As we got closer he told me he was diagnosed with autism and I absolutely could not believe it. The first thing I picked up on was no direct eye contact ever but as I got to know him more the signs became more obvious. My point is, at first glance you never would have guessed in a million years.

I've never really been close to a genuinely autistic person so it's opened my eyes and it's really interesting to me to try to understand how their minds work. I hope this doesn't come off like I'm trivializing your problem. I genuinely think it's interesting
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I'm honestly not even sure I'm on spectrum, but I share a lot of similarities with assburgers and I've been called one on multiple occasions, so I'll go ahead.

For me the most autistic is trying to comprehend something rationally, where it naturally has an amotional basis. I completely cannot comprehend some feelings? like jealousy/anger/vengeance/ambition, they just seem completely unwaranted and irrational under almost any circumstances and I cannot understand why people act according to them, it just doesn't make any sense.

I am also perplexed and cannot believe some social interactions people apparently indulge in. Things like one night stands/hooking up/randomly chatting up/starting conversations. It all feels acts that actually don't happen in real life and are just pushed in the canon narrative.

Semi-recently I've started acknowledging there are such things as social cues and social dynamics between people/sexes and while I feel like I can detect and properly interpret plenty of most important ones, for the sake of everything I just cannot use any of these when it comes to myself. Like, am I seriously supposed to stare into someone's eyes for 2-3 seconds and then smile/blink/hold gaze and then look away? Am I really supposed to get to someone's personal zone as to suggest I'd like to get close with them? It just comes to me extremely rude/wrong/unconfortable and unrealistic, like it's just a fiction/projecting of myself and isn't part of reality. While this is probably mostly my nonexistant self-confidence speaking and me just being anti-social in general, I really do feel like I am 10 years behind anyone when it comes to social dynamics.
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Everyone else in this thread has already covered most of it, so I'll chime in with something that hasn't been mentioned: I need really, down-to-the-letter specific instructions in order to be able to do something correctly. I can't fill in the blanks or use intuition. I need a comprehensive, step-by-step guide for most tasks. If I AM left to fill in the blanks on my own, I more often than not make mistakes that a neurotypical person would see as going completely against common sense. An example I can think of off the top of my head:

>used to work as a night-shift convenience store cashier
>one of the assignments was "sweep up the parking lot"
>would do this, but my boss would still complain when she'd come in each morning and see trash in the parking lot
>it took me a whole month to realize she meant "sweep it periodically as needed" and not "do it just once", because she never said to do it more than once.
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>>25716860
I try to be friendly and welcoming as well, I've even completely overcome my old eye contact dealio, but sometimes it just isn't enough. My main problem is that the way I talk sounds pretentious to most people, I don't even understand what about what I've said is so triggering to them. This causes me to restrict myself in social situations, despite all the confidence I built up as I transitioned into an adult. I'm fortunate to have managed to stay a part of a large group of friends that does things together regularly, I can't even imagine how horrible my life could have been without them.

People say that ignorance is bliss, but this kind of ignorance just frustrates me to no end. No amount of studying has ever been able to help me overcome this like I did with facial features, tone of voice, and body movements. All I've ever wanted in life was to be normal.
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>>25713804

Another female autist here, I do the following strangers by accident, forgetting when I as born and not being able to enjoy music things too.

Although my memory and reading ability is nothing special so I have all the retardation with no benefits.

>>25716012

I still can't tie my shoelaces, I just don't have the dexterity for it.

Although my sensory triggers are not that bad because they are extremely specific things like the feeling of placing my knuckles on the other hand together, touching something course while having something cold in my mouth, the sound of someone rapping their fingernails against glass, ect, all very unlikely things to happen often.

Although I don't like the feeling of wearing pants but I can put up with it when I have to leave the house.
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>>25717139
>the sound of someone rapping their fingernails against glass
Fuck that sound.

As for the pants thing,

>be me
>walking along
>suddenly freeze up because I can feel the fabric of my pants moving up against my skin
>people stare
>try to walk
>it happens again, freeze up
>people staring
>try dragging my fucking legs with gritted teeth, have to stop
>breathe heavily, put a cigarette between my teeth and light it, drag myself to class with my nerves on fire

Hate that shit. Don't know why it happens.
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>>25717139
>Pants
Can't you just wear a skirt?
>>
You know when you have an awkward conversation and later you realize that you could have said somenthing different or you could have acted in a different way? If you have autism you don't you are just puzzled by the fact that no one wants to have anything to di with you
>>
>>25714534
I've never had to actually look it up, but I usually have to think about it for a moment when asked how old I am. Depending on how nervous I am it can take longer to remember/figure it out. I also sometimes say the wrong age, like when I was trying to by beer and forgot my passport, the guy asked me how old I am and I said "21...no...wait...um..uh24" needless to say, he refused to sell me the beer.
>>
>>25712598
Would it be worth it to get my ASD diagnosis though? I already have accommodations for my learning disabilities.
I refused to get tested for AS in HS because I wanted to join the military when I graduated and thought a diagnosis would prevent that.
But more recently I have been considering whether or not I should get my official diagnosis.
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depends where you are on the spectrum,
im pretty low on it but still have almost no idea how to actually talk to people. super sensitive to sound, I literally can't sleep if I can hear electricity like if my speakers are on or maybe a fridge in the next room. anyone else get this?
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>>25718207
how low functioning are you? You can use a computer on your own and you say that you are verbal, so I wouldn't think you would be at the low end of the Autism Spectrum.
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