It's kind of like being an immigrant to a different culture.
At first you are not going to know what the fuck is going on or what anyone is talking about so you have to put effort into learning everyone's customs and body language and such and you never really feel fully integrated even after decades of living there.
>>25712333 I'm blind to most body language. I can hear you speak, but I don't pick up on your secondary communication. I know normal people can read my language, but I can't read theirs. It's like living in a society where everyone can read minds except for a tiny minority.
I am a female with autism, so my experience will be different than most people posting.
A few things stand out, I guess. I can't recognize faces. This makes movies very confusing if everyone has the same hair. I have been known to follow strangers by accident thinking they are family members. I cannot recognize myself in a mirror.
I have poor fashion sense, get very intense, specific interests, am hyperlexic (started reading at age 2, currently read 750 WPM with 80% retention, 650 with 100% accuracy), have trouble with social cues. I can answer any specific questions you might have about my condition.
I was diagnosed with aspergers, I'm not a total sperg but it's probably noticeable to people that I hang around with a lot. I have to try really hard to look at people in the eye and I have so little confidence that it haunts me at night. I spend a lot of time thinking about all the things I could have done better, and I tell myself that I need to just try harder, but when it comes down to actually acting on the things I want to improve I just sink into depression. I guess it's nice to have something to lean on when I'm reminded about my failures, but I shouldn't use it as an excuse.
>>25714273 There are many developmental disorders associated with an increased likelihood that the person will have difficulties in face perception, of which the person may or may not be aware. The mechanism by which these perceptual deficits take place is largely unknown. A partial list of some disorders that often have prosopagnosiac components would include nonverbal learning disorder, Alzheimer's Disease, and autism spectrum disorders in general. However, these types of disorders are very complicated, so arbitrary assumptions should be avoided.
Don't say shit about things you don't know anything about.
>>25714307 It's a lot more global than that. I'm not her, but I also have a lot of issues with balance, and with things like controlling the volume of my voice. I also have issues filtering out stimulus, and as a result, I rarely enjoy music. I can't even mentally separate the instruments from the lyrics of a song, it just sounds like noise to me.
>>25714307 What about low-functioning autists who literally cannot verbally communicate with another person and have to be placed in a facility under watch once they reach a certain age if they have nobody to take care of them? These types cannot even wipe their own ass, among other traits.
>>25712333 one of the things i used to get in trouble for in school was 'smirking' or laughing when i got in trouble, i couldnt really help it but whenever a teacher started having a go at me i just lost all control over my facial expression
>>25714624 Yeah, I'm weirdly good at that sort of thing. Breezed through most of school because of it. It tends to make people mad, really. Someone will ask me, for instance, how much something costs at the grocery store, and I can tell them nearly anything there's normal price. People don't expect exact answers like $1.59 when they ask the cost of something, and if they ask "when did you wake up" i might say something like "8:32 AM" and once again, people find that off-putting for some reason.
For those higher up on the spectrem like my self it is a bit like this. You know all the social interactions that probably come natural and instictually to you. Well none of that is natrual to me, or my kind. In fact to better understand social interaction I had to study books, practice, and go to special classes where I learned it in a very clinical analytical way. It actually take a great deal of effort to interact like a somewhat normal person, it is mentally tiring, requires focus, and I often make mistakes, many of which I don't even notice until afterwards. Interpersonal relationships are very hard and I actually avoid getting close to people because most of the time it is not worth the effort.
Also eye contact makes me extremely uncomfortable most of the time as well as contact with feet.
>being irritable all the time because you're sensitive to everything, end up doing stupid self-injurious behaviors >stereotypic behaviours that people associate with the mentally hanicapped >can't read body language >circumscribed interests that are pretty useless >shit motor control >low self-awareness >poor attention because constantly distracted by stimuli
>>25714739 I don't see how it's a snowflake thing. I was diagnosed in a hospital with prosopagnosia when I called my nurse by the name of another nurse and was baffled when she told me that was her coworker and not her. Did some testing and they figured it out. Prior to that, I didn't realize other people could tell people apart by their faces. It was a weird realization.
>>25714739 This is true. I am obsessed with mechanical keyboards. I can tell you everything about mechanical keyboards. I have a nice keyboard collection so far, but I'm lonely and I'm terrible at being around people. I cry when someone whistles for too long. This sucks.
>>25714782 Yeah, I was told that as a kid because of the hyperlexia. I don't particularly care what people think of me for the most part, as I can't really relate to most people on any meaningful level, so it doesn't matter if they can do so for me.
>>25714906 That's fine. You shouldn't be concerned with people's perceptions of you. Nobody should, really, in a logical sense. I don't relate to most people on any meaningful level either. It is miserable at times.
>>25714883 I have 2 mechanical keyboards, an IBM model M I bought at a thrift store and cleaned up, and a Logitech G710+. Used the Model M for years, but I think I prefer the Logitech now. The macro keys are very useful for programming to suit the type of work I do.
>>25714900 I think it varies. Autists either tend to be very clingy or very aloof. I like being around people but I hate being touched by them.
Think of back when you were a kid, and how you generally didn't pay super close attention to various things, like people having deep conversations around you, and you not putting some level of value in that stuff before running around interrupting shit.
That's kind of part of it.
I have epilepsy so it's not exactly the same, but I am partially spectrum.
If you want a better example, think of ADD. You know what it's like to be distractible, but you probably are unsure about what you will do with your life. Autism is like the opposite of ADD, but for lifelong goals. These goals cement into our heads, and when it comes to the very idea of NOT doing that stuff, it's mentally stressful to even consider those options. The more autistic you are, the more rigid that system becomes; not only are things your lifetime goals, but it's hard to consider doing anything besides those things RIGHT NOW.
My lifetime goal is sort of really ridiculous. I want/need to get off Earth, get out of the solar system, and hell if there is something that will stop me from making that happen. I'll learn everything there is to learn in the whole world if that's what it takes; I'll study the cooky pseudoscience and develop ways to experiment the stuff, if I can mix it with modern science and convince people to fund me. I'll get around the bounds of my social awkwardness if I need to urge people to help me; I'll practice mathematics until I can do all the equations in my head if need be. Right now I can't, but I spend a good chunk of every day practicing hoping to be the next Tesla.
That's what autism is like. It's like overly cocky ambitiousness, but for many it's not about something useful like my goal. For some it's like...remembering all the names of TV show characters. Or noting the fraction of cracked sidewalk blocks to uncracked ones. My brain links EVERYTHING to this future goal; it NEVER leaves my head. It's hard to focus on the reality around us, we're stuck in our own heads.
>>25715061 I haven't tried the blues, but I will for my next keyboard. The Model M is pretty indestructible, only issue I had with it is that it's incredibly loud to use.
>>25715065 It's not so intense for me. I feel upset if I don't get to do the things I like to focus on, but they're all very easily attainable compared to yours. I don't feel like it's a major drive so much. For me it's more like I just don't get rewarded for doing things besides whatever specific thing I'm interested in.
Any of you other autists have weird behaviors as a kid? I'd spend hours stacking cups or lining up my toys. It was very satisfying.
I'll give it a go and try to be as explicit as I can.
The biggest thing for me is the sensory/motor aspect. I've always been really hypersensitive to touch and sound. When I was a little kid, I'd bother my grandma or my mother by cutting the seams off of all my socks and leaving holes in my clothes by tearing the tags off. I've always worn my socks inside-out. I have a big thing with texture, and that resulted early-on in me being a picky eater.I don't like light touch (brushing, stroking, tracing, being tapped, etc.) AT ALL, and need a firm, constant, and predictable level of pressure in a comfy spot on my body to be okay with being touched.
Trigger sounds are a real thing. Some sounds just feel BAD, and they pretty much automatically send you into a blind, confused rage for a second. If you're a functional sperg, you learn to deal with it, leave, or ask people to stop nicely. If you're not, you scream and throw a tantrum. Either way, the screaming tantrum is what you feel like doing.
The other bit is motor coordination. I'm a late, late bloomer to a lot of basic stuff. It took me ages to learn how to ride a bike, to tie my shoes, to hold a pencil/spoon/fork/anything properly, to use shirt buttons, etc. It took me longer than average to learn how to drive, and I often take a long time using odd doorknobs that other people seem to have no problem with. It just takes a while for the feeling of doing it right to "click."
Could never throw or catch worth shit. Tend to make a mess while eating, to this day. Have a slight lisp that I only become aware of when I hear a recording of my own voice. Kinda clumsy.
Apparently, I have a peculiar walk as well. When I walk, I kind of bounce along and move on my toes instead of however else people tend to walk. People point that one out a lot.
>>25715517 Be as straightforward and literal as you can be when talking to him. If he's worked to improve himself he might be able to pick up on a few implications that you're interested in him, but don't ever expect him to succeed. You are literally never going to be in the right about this, so don't even try to turn something like that into being his fault.
And for the love of god, don't tell him you love him unless you actually mean it, that is literally the worst thing you can do to an aspie if they're interested in you.
>>25716012 To expand on the sensory bit, I know this isn't every sperg, but a lot of us have some kind of synesthesia. I've got a handful of kinds of it, the biggest one being ticker-tape. I basically get closed-captions or a dialogue box IRL. I see the words people speak. Not surprisingly, I was in a lot of spelling bees when I was younger. I experience sound in a tactile fashion, too, and that's probably the one that affects my life the second-most.
As for interests and thought, this guy >>25715065 explains it EXTREMELY well. You don't have interests. You have life-consuming obsessions that your thought swill turn to no matter what and that you have to express somehow. You'll be largely into the same shit as an adult that you were into as a kid, be that Pokemon, WWII trivia, inventing/fiddling with gadgets, cartoons, vidya, language, or whatever. If that obsession is something "useful," you're considered "talented" ("Oh wow, anon built a radio from scratch in second-grade! He's talented in science!" "Oh wow, anon's so good with numbers, he must be a genius!"), and if it's not, you're considered a manchild ("Why the fuck is anon 25 and still into Pokemon? I swear, he can name every single one but he can't get a job."), but really, it's all the same thing.
Another thing is that a lot of us tend to rant. We don't have conversations about our interests. We monologue AT people about them until we're blue in the face. My friends and I would just take turns ranting at each other about stuff like science or vidya or anime when we were kids, and that was conversation.
>>25716222 The stuff about "thinking in pictures" is real. You're constantly in your own head, and sometimes, it's a shock to learn that people can't see into your head and that what people see of you doesn't reflect anything close to what's going on behind your eyes. In my case, it's really closer to my entire existence being one long, sustained, vivid daydream bordering on hallucination than just "thinking in pictures."
You think differently, except it's not really differently since you have no mode of thought to compare it against. Have your own way of intuitively doing math or chemistry equations that literally always yields the right answer? If you've got a teacher who demands that you show your work or explain your reasoning, you're still fucked.
Often, it feels like other people have some kind of telepathy that you don't. This guy >>25712397 puts it well, as does >>25712453
I dunno. Sometimes it feels like I'm a fucking space alien trying to blend in. Even kids can tell that there's something off about me, and I often feel that everybody knows I'm a sperg and nobody has the balls to say it.
>>25712333 It's like being completely self-involved at all times, perpetually occupied by your own trivial OCD-type quirks or abstract overarching goal and never really being able to understand why other people try to bring you out of your world, your "safe space" where everything is okay.
This sounds pretty blunt and dickish but autists genuinely have great difficulty empathizing with others. We're trapped in our own minds to an extreme extent and lash out or otherwise break down when something threatens said thing. This is where the stereotype that autists don't like change comes from.
I can only speak mostly from memory since most of my autistic traits have been beaten out of me (or have just disappeared naturally, if such a thing even occurs), but when I was a child I would constantly need profuse amounts of personal time and space in my home and school life, to the point where I would refuse to let my mother touch me, even just to hold my hand when crossing the road. Yet, at the same time, I was unwilling to give other people personal space. I remember a kid in school I spent a whole day harassing by getting close solely because he didn't like it, and I simply could not understand why despite the fact that I do the exact same thing.
I'm not sure if it's autism or some other mental problem that has developed but i'm also constantly paranoid and feel out of place. I often wander about near people I need to talk to for whatever reason doing nothing because I feel like i'd somehow be overstepping if I interrupted them, no matter how trivial their activity is, to this extent i'm also terrified of waking people up.
>>25716422 >completely self-involved at all times, perpetually occupied by your own trivial OCD-type quirks or abstract overarching goal and never really being able to understand why other people try to bring you out of your world
>This sounds pretty blunt and dickish but autists genuinely have great difficulty empathizing with others. We're trapped in our own minds to an extreme extent and lash out or otherwise break down when something threatens said thing. This is where the stereotype that autists don't like change comes from
You guys ever feel like maybe autism doesn't exist? Maybe everyone else has to learn social ques too and they either just don't talk about it or they forgot how they learned it, and by breaking this theoretical taboo we're just being a bunch of assholes?
I feel like I've hurt way too many people to be allowed to blame it on some sort of mental disorder.
>>25716655 Nope. Can confirm that learning social cues and body language was 100% natural to me. I never needed to actually try.
However I'm the opposite of what you guys talk about. I excell at the details. I'm very good at picking up other people's emotions and reading other people just by their body language or facial expressions no matter how subtle it is. I can't stand eye contact either but a lot of normies (like me I guess) experience that too.
>>25716655 The thing is Autism takes up about 1/3 of the human race (at least in the first world that I know of) so you can't really blame being it for making you an asshole.
That guy you didn't know that well but he seemed like a nice guy if only a bit quirky probably has autism as well, didn't let it ruin his relationships.
Maybe if you were autistic to the point where you're literally non-functional, but at that point you have the ethical dilemma of people who are 100% reliant on society supporting them throughout their entire life
>>25716773 It's okay anon. You can fake it until you make it. My coworker is so personable and friendly, and very charismatic as well with clients. As we got closer he told me he was diagnosed with autism and I absolutely could not believe it. The first thing I picked up on was no direct eye contact ever but as I got to know him more the signs became more obvious. My point is, at first glance you never would have guessed in a million years.
I've never really been close to a genuinely autistic person so it's opened my eyes and it's really interesting to me to try to understand how their minds work. I hope this doesn't come off like I'm trivializing your problem. I genuinely think it's interesting
I'm honestly not even sure I'm on spectrum, but I share a lot of similarities with assburgers and I've been called one on multiple occasions, so I'll go ahead.
For me the most autistic is trying to comprehend something rationally, where it naturally has an amotional basis. I completely cannot comprehend some feelings? like jealousy/anger/vengeance/ambition, they just seem completely unwaranted and irrational under almost any circumstances and I cannot understand why people act according to them, it just doesn't make any sense.
I am also perplexed and cannot believe some social interactions people apparently indulge in. Things like one night stands/hooking up/randomly chatting up/starting conversations. It all feels acts that actually don't happen in real life and are just pushed in the canon narrative.
Semi-recently I've started acknowledging there are such things as social cues and social dynamics between people/sexes and while I feel like I can detect and properly interpret plenty of most important ones, for the sake of everything I just cannot use any of these when it comes to myself. Like, am I seriously supposed to stare into someone's eyes for 2-3 seconds and then smile/blink/hold gaze and then look away? Am I really supposed to get to someone's personal zone as to suggest I'd like to get close with them? It just comes to me extremely rude/wrong/unconfortable and unrealistic, like it's just a fiction/projecting of myself and isn't part of reality. While this is probably mostly my nonexistant self-confidence speaking and me just being anti-social in general, I really do feel like I am 10 years behind anyone when it comes to social dynamics.
Everyone else in this thread has already covered most of it, so I'll chime in with something that hasn't been mentioned: I need really, down-to-the-letter specific instructions in order to be able to do something correctly. I can't fill in the blanks or use intuition. I need a comprehensive, step-by-step guide for most tasks. If I AM left to fill in the blanks on my own, I more often than not make mistakes that a neurotypical person would see as going completely against common sense. An example I can think of off the top of my head:
>used to work as a night-shift convenience store cashier >one of the assignments was "sweep up the parking lot" >would do this, but my boss would still complain when she'd come in each morning and see trash in the parking lot >it took me a whole month to realize she meant "sweep it periodically as needed" and not "do it just once", because she never said to do it more than once.
>>25716860 I try to be friendly and welcoming as well, I've even completely overcome my old eye contact dealio, but sometimes it just isn't enough. My main problem is that the way I talk sounds pretentious to most people, I don't even understand what about what I've said is so triggering to them. This causes me to restrict myself in social situations, despite all the confidence I built up as I transitioned into an adult. I'm fortunate to have managed to stay a part of a large group of friends that does things together regularly, I can't even imagine how horrible my life could have been without them.
People say that ignorance is bliss, but this kind of ignorance just frustrates me to no end. No amount of studying has ever been able to help me overcome this like I did with facial features, tone of voice, and body movements. All I've ever wanted in life was to be normal.
I still can't tie my shoelaces, I just don't have the dexterity for it.
Although my sensory triggers are not that bad because they are extremely specific things like the feeling of placing my knuckles on the other hand together, touching something course while having something cold in my mouth, the sound of someone rapping their fingernails against glass, ect, all very unlikely things to happen often.
Although I don't like the feeling of wearing pants but I can put up with it when I have to leave the house.
>>25717139 >the sound of someone rapping their fingernails against glass Fuck that sound.
As for the pants thing,
>be me >walking along >suddenly freeze up because I can feel the fabric of my pants moving up against my skin >people stare >try to walk >it happens again, freeze up >people staring >try dragging my fucking legs with gritted teeth, have to stop >breathe heavily, put a cigarette between my teeth and light it, drag myself to class with my nerves on fire
You know when you have an awkward conversation and later you realize that you could have said somenthing different or you could have acted in a different way? If you have autism you don't you are just puzzled by the fact that no one wants to have anything to di with you
>>25714534 I've never had to actually look it up, but I usually have to think about it for a moment when asked how old I am. Depending on how nervous I am it can take longer to remember/figure it out. I also sometimes say the wrong age, like when I was trying to by beer and forgot my passport, the guy asked me how old I am and I said "21...no...wait...um..uh24" needless to say, he refused to sell me the beer.
>>25712598 Would it be worth it to get my ASD diagnosis though? I already have accommodations for my learning disabilities. I refused to get tested for AS in HS because I wanted to join the military when I graduated and thought a diagnosis would prevent that. But more recently I have been considering whether or not I should get my official diagnosis.
depends where you are on the spectrum, im pretty low on it but still have almost no idea how to actually talk to people. super sensitive to sound, I literally can't sleep if I can hear electricity like if my speakers are on or maybe a fridge in the next room. anyone else get this?
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