Who here is just coasting through life? I feel like I'm just an NPC in some game.
Wake up, go to uni classes, come home, eat something, study, shitpost on 4chan, eat again, go to sleep. Repeat ad infinitum.
In a few years I'll replace uni with a job, and in some decades it'll be retirement.
And what is it all for? Every fucking day is the same ugly, slovenly, stale routine I go through.
I don't think I can live like this for much longer.
One day you'll realize you've been living for eternity. And you've in fact never slept a day in your life.
I feel that way OP. The worst bit is that it seems there is no way to avoid the daily drudgery, the monotony, of life. I'm so ready to die.
We are supposed to be human, but We feel no more significant than mathematical equations printed on an A5 sheet of paper. We receive countless numbers of inputs and the outputs that we produce don't seem to have any real connection to whatever it is that we define as a 'self.' We don't do what we want to do (worse, we don't know what we want to do.) We please our parents, we try to keep up with acquaintances, we follow the path that society tells us to take. Ultimately, the 'self' has no power over the body that it inhabits, any idea of free will is an illusion.
>I don't think I can live like this for much longer.
yes you can. your fear stem from taking all this seriously, because you think that what you feel matter, because you think that you identity/ego/self matter and coupled with your failure to have pleasures and avoid pains, you say it is all shit.
well turn to the dhamma now.
This applies to literally 99% of people on the planet you fucking special snowflake faggot.
That's because you made it that way. It's up to you to find meaning.
You ARE an NPC.
Sell all your valuables for weapons and armor and go on a quest, fagget. Plenty of storyline quests still available. Syria, Malaysia, Mexico, China, Peru/Colombia, Philipines, all sorts of African countries if you just want to gain XP. Plus there's plenty of side quests all around us. Probably some in your local metropolitan or even if you live in the sticks.
I went on a side quest with my friends a few months ago. A "raid" if you will. We went into the hills were the Mexicans illegally grow weed with dark clothing and cloth bags and knives and we made off with a few pounds worth of plants. About a pound and a half of actual bud after it was cured. Gained not only money and free bud, but also XP and reputation with the local thieves guild. We had a run in with a guard dog, but we were able to get away without killing it. Just flashed the knife at it and it backed off. Big fucking German Shepard, probably would've yielded some good XP and reputation if I killed it, but truth be told I really didn't want to and was glad I didn't have to. I know, I know, it's just a game and I should get all empathetic with NPCs, but it's just someone's dog, you know? Even if it is just a game...
free will is developed. freedom is earned. until then you are only a nervous system in a body, responding to stimuli and acting out of habit, without self-purpose.
people think there is no meaning to life, this statement is only half true. the life you have now is the life you've maintained and created with your own choices. if your life has no meaning, its because you have no meaning. you're too much of an animal to have meaning you're like every other slave in history that existed ate pissed shat and died.
remember this: it is easier to destroy than to create. people live a life of unconsciousness every fucking day, while the remnant of their consciousness suddenly makes the effort to post a thread like this on an internet forum, impelled by the notion that something is wrong. the reality is people that go on adventures, explore themselves and the world, do new things, learn, live coexist with the literal robots that do nothing to break their conditional programming. Because they're too weak.
it's only when we narrowly avoid death, or are dying, or we lose someone, or have an experience that shakes us to the core do we realize how inconsequential everything we'be ever done is. how useless the lies we tell ourselves are. how much life we wasted being mindless hedonists. You are fucking weak, unconscious, and living a Lie. You are the one to break your own bonds. Nobody else but you. That is the goal in life that few people ever accept. People would rather exist than Live.
Allegory of the Cave.