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William Chronicles
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001

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Alright so it has occurred to me that I am finally bored enough to start posting some stories about a man. A man named William. He is a complete dumbass that I used to work with and shenanigans were a daily occurrence. If interest is shown I will recount them.
give us a preview
Spin me a tale my friend
Watching with interest.

Also with penis in hand.
Please tell us anon, I have my bowl of spaghetti ready
Tales of workplace dumbassery are always welcome on /r9k/
Alright so short stories of the dumbass are referred to as Silly Willy Shorts. If I fuck up the green text I severely apologize as this is all from my phone.
Silly Willy Short #1 "Cheerleaders and Boners"
>Be Me
>In a program hosted in local highschool that allows dumbasses with limited knowledge of computer systems to work on such school district wide
>Be one of such dumbasses but not as bad as some
>Meet coworker named William thay no one seems to like and I am sent to work with him and my friend Pravee... er I mean Bill. Yup his name was definitely Bill.
>Have to reimage a whole lab of dinosaur computers all ghetto rigged to one switch in the room
>Takes a whole fucking year to do this and we talk to each other and make attempt of talking to Mr. OnTheSpectrum.
>We hear Cheerleaders working out in adjacent room. A Cardio room is setup, I shit you not, next to this ancient computer lab and Cheerleaders train there over the summer or something, I don't really know.
>Willy notices that cheerleaders are potential vaginas and immediately changes subject to them
>I try to change back to previous conversation
>Nope, he is fucking dead set on talking about cheerleaders now
>Willy must have thought it would make him seem super fucking cool so he mentions...
>How much do you dare me to go say hi to the cheerleaders
>Me and Pravee.. er Bill exchange a glance that sums it up.
>Literally what the fuck did you just say?
I think I see where this is going, please continue good lad.
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My body is ready. continue pls anon
Thank you sir
>I immediately say no, don't fuck with the God damn cheerleaders
>In Willy's mind: Hmmmmm, don't seem interested in my dare... should I stop or... up the ante.
>Any attempt to kill this conversation is neutralized in a brutal manner
>Willy ups the ante, "Hey guys"
>Now what he is about to mention didn't end up happening. This in its self is proof enough of a higher deity in my eyes, take with it what you will.
>"Wanna go in there and get boners?"
>The cringe of this sentence alone is enough to envy the deaf honestly.
>Pravee.. er I mean Bill is laughing ass off
>Briefly I picture this faggot opening the door to the Cardio room, stark erection in pants, awkwardly sputtering out "hi" to impress his newly found coworkers as a room full of cheerleaders are just staring at this fucking weirdo.
>Me and Bill laugh asses off and finish job. Willy, butt hurt as ever, must think of more ways to try and be alpha coworker of the Tech Internship program.
Another or "eh"???
Has hoping he'd have actually done it.

Give us another though and let's see what you got.

Also, Tard Tales thread?
It's basically a tard/coworker hybrid I got here.
There is another one that is a tad bit longer, it is about a Nazi Rocketplane. You can't make this shit up lel
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>>wanna go in there and get boxers
You wut m8, another tale plz
Alright, this is the tale of William & The Nazi Rocketplane.
>So right here we are at the point where the program was organized and I was placed in the magical team of Mr. +1Chromosome. However there was one more small detail.
>The leader was not Willy nor me, but a man much much greater. Tren... er I mean Trevor. Trevor shall hold the honorable title as TardAgitator. I found out he has secretly been trolling Willy for the longest time. Years actually.
>Fucking bonus points because Willy damn near idolizes Tren.. er I mean Trevor.
>So I am part of a team that is basically built on the grounds of fucking with Willy and having the lolz
>Life could not be sweeter
>So Trent was a gun nut
>Every paycheck went to buying extremely neat, authentic WWII style rifles. He was quite learned in the subject
>Have to image a whole hallway and we just fucking sit here circle jerking on ads of guns because getting paid for nothing could not be sweeter.
>Willy enters the room in his bright ass yellow biker gear.
>Bicycle "gear" by the way, and yes that helmet was still on that weirdly shaped head of his. And yes he believed it was absolutely necessary to wear fingerless "biker" gloves inside. And a double yes, he believed he could go 60mph on that fucking bike.
>Never go full retard
>Willy immediately asks Trevor what he is doing as he walks in the doorway. When Trevor mentions the idea of buying guns, Willy scoffs at the idea of collecting guns as a hobby.
>Because in Willy's eyes, there was apparently plenty of room to mock people's monetary purchases.
>Flamboyant yellowfaggot, a rare species of wasps, trots to computer and decides to mock said guns more.
>We all spot it though
>For Sale: Nazi Rocketplane 200,000 USD
yo name your friend pravee something other than bill because bill and will are the same name and its fucking me up because i'm drunk but i really want to hear some shit cringe stories m8

Robo go home you homo.
Fuck, sorry I just didn't wanna say his actually name but fuck it. From now one Bill's name shall be leaked and it is actually Praveen. The only Indian at my prodominately white school. Bonus points for guessing his real middle name however
>trying to be funny
>completely ruin the story because of it
Please, just stop.
Pajeet. Pls be a yes.

you didn't have to use his real name, I was just getting confused between bill and will because one is a nickname for the other. you could have said john or steve or something you didn't have to reveal indiobros name
Nope, not even close sir
Nah its fine. Praveen wouldn't give a shit, no one knows anything besides this. It's all good
whatever, can you just keep posting the story already?
>We lock eyes on said ad. Dumbass thinks it's stupid for good reason but me and Trevor think we can troll the fuck out of him.
>We decide that we really wanted to buy the Nazi Rocketplane and we're putting together our WHOLE summers paychecks (8.25 an hour by the way) to pay for it.
>He believes it.
>Actually convince him it was a good idea and that we were planning to see it to a museum for double the profit.
>Willy now becomes excited to buy the fuck out of this plane.
>He actually thinks a museum would buy it and thinks three people making minimum wage for 3 and a half months actually can pay for a 200k rocketplane.
>We now work on convincing him that flying said plane would be a good idea. With no valid license, Willy actually agrees to this shit.
>We now make an important next step.
>We need a beginning contribution from each prospective buyer.
>Each person puts 2k in the pot to start.
>Willy actually willingly forks over 2k to us for the potential of a Nazi Rocketplane after a week of convincing.
>Me and Trevor split it. Another sack of cash was a pretry good to add to our paychecks.
>Tell him he can fly it once it gets here and before we sell it to a museum for all of our profit.
>Later when he bugs us about the deal, we tell them that the buyer bugged out. Never asked for that 2k that summer.
>Plenty of "free 15 minute Milkshake breaks" that summer
I just realized I was a tard agitator in middle school.
>Be me
>sit next to this kid (Kevin) with some kind of autism in spanish class
>Try to shoot the shit with him because why not?
>Ask him if he likes hockey
>Says yes
>Ask him who his favorite player is
>Starts getting weirded out
>Keep asking him
>He makes noises like HNNNGGGGGG
>Goes on for days
>Get called down to the office
>Principal says "Who's your favorite hockey player?"
>Be me, speechless as he tells me not to fuck with the tard anymore
>Apologize and never hear any more about it
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