>tfw raped by 4 people when I was little but still don't have the guts to kill myself
Am I just a coward?
No, as long as you're alive there's hope of things getting better.
There was a girl before who greentexted her story as an ex-childporn girl, her dad was a poor alcoholic and used to rape her.
She found a way through it and has a husband and baby on the way, grill or boy it's possible for you to get a better life despite negative things you had no control over.