Someone on here has been saying lately that "only muscular and outgoing guys can get girlfriends" and that "shy guys usually stay celibate."
I was just wondering how true this was. I wouldn't mind getting a gf or even just having sex one day. I have decent hygiene, average looks, and plan on going for my masters in tax after graduating. My biggest issue is no self-esteem whatsoever and avoidant personality disorder.
Have any shy guys here had any success?
I'm introverted as fuck and literally the only time I've had sex or gotten a gf was when I broke out of my shell for a little while.
You can't force it or fake it though or else you'll just come off as as a dork.
It depends on a few factors. As long as you're not agoraphob tier then you might have a chance. That being said, your chances are severely reduced if you aren't aggressive and outgoing.
Desirable men get GFs. It's really just as simple as that. Being shy means absolutely nothing. If you're shy but over 6ft tall and have a nice face you will get a GF. You could be outgoing and have a great personality but if youre a micro-manlet you will not have a GF.
Stop over-analyzing it.
Would strongly suggest online dating.
Writing is easier and less stressful than in-person conversation. It would be way easier for you to type up a nice, well-written profile and send some funny, charming messages to women. Then, once you meet up, they'll be much less likely to judge you for being shy because they'll already be in love with the rest of your personality.
I'm extremely shy and never talk to girls or even look at them. I've only had 2 gfs because they both approached me and initiated a conversation.
If you're working at a place with people your age or in school you can just wait and there is a slim chance that they will do all the work. So in 27 years I have been approached twice, 8 years apart. You're better off trying to overcome your shyness.
I've watched a lot of movies where shy, handsome guys get the girls by being awkward but cool, so I tried being awkward on purpose and got possitive results. Being awkward or shy is fine as long as you don't overdo it, however initiating an interaction with a girl is the hardest part and you still have to be assertive at some key points.
You have to be extremely good looking, in which case being shy is only cute and women will take the initiative. If you're not that handsome then you're fucked obviously, figuratively.
It's not about muscles, shyness, and looks.
To be fair, those things matter, but it matters less than you think.
Your biggest character flaw is the fact that you are posting on arcanine. And I must tell you that the diagnosis is terminal.
You have done yourself in. It's all over.
Enjoy the complimentary frogs though!
I'm a very shy guy and I have had success - I currently have a girlfriend of four years. But I had to go out of my comfort zone and actually try. A girlfriend isn't going to just fall into your lap unless you're really lucky (this actually kind of happened to a friend of mine, who is also shy but not as driven to relationships as I am/was).
You can be shy by nature, but if you want a GF you need to put in the effort to find women, talk to them, and ask them out.
This. Money, personality, and things like that don't have anything to do with it, although there are a few exceptions (gold diggers, etc.).
The only thing that matters is physical looks. If you're physically unattractive, you're done for.
Well, I guess it's better than it being impossible. Maybe it'll happen one day. I can't see myself ever gaining the courage to ask a girl out, so I'll have to depend on the off chance that a girl will like me enough to ask me out some day.
I would say I am more anti-social than shy. Only success I've had with girls have been talking to them online first obviously. I think it'd be super difficult for me to get to know someone by talking and hanging out irl, nearly impossible. Meeting someone i would actually get a lone with while being a shut-in doesn't really happen i guess.
>tfw shy and awkward but have good aesthetics, /fit/ body, and over 6'
>tfw I just want a nice qt girl who's not a goddamn 3rd wave feminist whore with ten tons of emotional baggage
>tfw I get women stare at me or I catch them mirin but they never approach me or initiate much in the way of conversation aside from complimenting me
>tfw I'm so shy that I can't bring myself to ask a girl out or even start up a conversation with anyone
>tfw the only women who seem to be into me are Stacies that keep inviting me to parties that I don't want to go to
>tfw Stacy whores mistake my autism for aloofness won't leave me alone
>tfw I stay home all the time instead because I don't want to fall for a slut and get my heart broken
It's not all about looks, guys. If you can't initiate a conversation, you're 100% fucked.
If you really wanted a GF, you could improve yourself and become someone that women would like, and then start asking them out. Instead, you'd rather hope one somehow blunders into you and asks you out.
Maybe if you put in a bit of your /fit/ time and effort into getting better at talking to people, you'd get somewhere too.
The only people who are 100% fucked are the people like you slobs who would rather whine on an imageboard than TRY.
I have pretty bad social anxiety and I'm more shy than anyone else I've seen. I used to be so bad that I was too afraid to talk at all in public, and if I was called on in class I couldn't say anything I'd just sit there and want to cry while everyone stared at me. I'm not too bad looking, about a 4/10 but I've still never had a guy show interest in me at all irl and I'm pretty sure it's because of how shy I am. I've seen plenty of shy guys with gfs so I don't think it matters as much for guys, but it probably does make it more difficult.
I could but that's only barely scratching the main issues. Even if I can talk to people, even if I become Mr Socialite and can speak to another person with perfect charisma and charm, I STILL would have the issue of finding someone I actually want to spend my time with.
Because of my looks and my job, I'm surrounded by good looking normie girls who either are all in relationships, are people I don't want to date anyway, or both.
If you're good looking and fit, it would be easy for you to find someone you'd want to spend your time with (unless you have insane standards). If the people in your job and social circles aren't people you're interested in, find others. Try online dating. Get better friends.
Avoidant personality disorder. I think I'm very undesirable and don't see anything good about myself. I'm 1 person out of 7 billion and could disappear tomorrow without anyone caring. I have no reservations to talk online because it's anonymous.
I'm going to respond to you because no one else is but this guy speaks the truth. I don't know how people get to a point expecting people to be attracted to them with no effort put in.
If I were an attractive girl maybe. I made a tinder and swiped right on every profile that came up and got three matches but none of them seem interested in me.
Nothing caused it, I've just kinda been like this since I started middle school. Maybe it was switching from a small school to a bigger one but idk.
It's a lot easier to talk to people online but it is still uncomfortable and because I'm not used to talking to people I say odd things and don't really understand what's weird to say.
I am no longer shy, I can talk with who ever I want and even in public, but I am introverted and I feel relationships very energy consuming unless I am with the right person.
Search for the right person.
>If you really wanted a GF, you could improve yourself and become someone that women would like, and then start asking them out.
Women want sucessful men with money and a huge social circle, i don't have that shit mainly because i hate myself and i think the phrase "too much baggage" applies perfectly to me
Because, let's be honest here women like it when certain men are willing to be vulnerable and reveal their "true selfs"
The first step to getting a GF is disabusing yourself of your notions of what 'women want'. This shit about money and a huge social circle is retarded. Different women like different things.
My standards are just fine but they seem to be pretty high for a lot of people.
Like, here's an example; a girl who's into me now is super hot, obviously fawning over me, tries to touch me any chance she can get, but she's a modern day feminist 100% who has godawful taste in music and movies, and on top of all that, has a boyfriend that she says is "complicated"
Sure, she might be good "for a fuck" like most guys tell me but I have zero interest in random fucking. I want a real committed, monogamous relationship and that just doesn't seem to be what people want.
>would you be happier if you could avoid direct social contact?
No, I hate being a shut-in on the weekends.
>would you rather change yourself or the world around you to be more comfortable for you?
Myself, definitely. I can't expect the world to change for me. I just think that I might be beyond help. I was on Prozac for 6 years and started Zoloft recently. I've been in individual group therapy since I was 14 (21 now). I've done group therapy at college, and while I've enjoyed it and will continue it, I haven't made too much progress. I don't think avoidant personality disorder can be "cured," so I'm starting to think it's all hopeless.
I think a big problem with society today is people mistake being loud and brash with actual self confidence. Thus people who don't feel the need to blurt out everything they think are considered weird despite the fact they could be perfectly normal and self confident.
It really hit me when I was around some teenage girls at a friends place and I hadn't said anything in like 30 seconds and they started yelling at me to talk more.
goes to you.
also are you activly trying to increase your socials skills in the internet or just talking to people because you're bored? i'm actually wondering now what weird thing you could say that would catch me off guard
Are you truly telling me that women could like a dysfunctional friendless 21 virgin?
Get fuck outa here, that shit can't be real
You're attractive, you have friends, you have interesting hobbies, you are a sane human being.
Never forget the advantages you have, you need to keep them in mind in order to succed
>If you're shy but over 6ft tall and have a nice face you will get a GF
If you're just going to spend all your time in your room jacking it to anime tiddies that won't help you one bit.
I'm 6'6, have a nice face I dare say and an alright physique. I still don't magically get gfs like everyone here, especially manlets, likes to believe.
You need to get out, socialize, actively flirt with women, show confidence. That's what matters. Of course being tall and handsome helps but it's not what really matters in the end.
Maybe, just maybe, you might get approached by sluts but that's not what you want, do you?
I find socializing tiring, I'm incompetent at flirting and I prefer video games to partying, that's why I'm still a kv with 23.
I really wish it would be as easy as everyone here thinks it is, but it isn't.
I remember once in class the teacher asked me to read a paragraph and I couldn't even get a word out and was just struggling for air the entire time and the teacher had to read it out again after me
You fucking retard, there are people who are neither dysfunctional friendless 21 year old virgins nor rich dudes with huge social circles. The world is not black and white. You can improve yourself if you're a complete failure right now.
>find new friends
I've even tried online dating and I can't find anyone.
Though to be fair, the only relationship I ever had was with a girl I met on okcupid but she ended up being a complete whore who fucked me over.
This right here.
If you aren't talking, people assume you think ill of them. Sometimes you don't have anything to say and a lot of times what you do have to say no one else cares about so you remain quiet.
>if you put in the effort
I know, that's the point I wanted to make.
No matter how you look, if you're not a 10/10 on every single level you have to take the risks and get yourself out of there.
I hate this mentality that tall and better looking people just get gfs like that right and left. There always is some sort of effort which "less attractive" people can also make and succeed just as well if they have the right social finesse and confidence.
For me I'm just too lazy and I guess I'm also waiting for "the one". Most modern women just don't appeal to me. I know I'm shooting myself in the foot but I'm not that desperate yet.
Try more online dating. It takes time and effort.
Also, if you want to make new friends, a good way to do it is to find clubs in your area that meet up for some hobby/interest that you're into (gaming, books, anime). Or try getting in contact with people you think might be more to your liking who you know but haven't seen in a while.
No, but that's not what introversion means. If you have severe social anxiety, go get professional help.
You won't find "the one" by not trying.
I'm on pof and okcupid but I rarely talk to anyone at all, the few that do respond are twice my weight or plastered in tattoos, so I don't know what to do there. I just message any moderately decent looking woman who seems to have a good head on her shoulders but I very rarely get any sort of response. Not sure why though.
It's literally just a numbers game. If you keep at it long enough you'll find someone. I had the same problem but it worked out in the end (although my current GF I met through a friend). Women on dating sites also tend to be flooded with messages so it's up to you to make your profile and your messages interesting and relevant to them.
im a grill and i cant get a bf by just stepping outside, how should i proceed?
im not too ugly, i have a pretty face but im slightly overweight (but not too much either). I spaghetti when guys talk to me.
Thats cute and pretty uplifting. I honestly think it is about getting out there and just meeting new people. One other question, how much does physical appearance mean to you in general?
hi im a girl, i've had an obese boyfirend for 5 years. I'm not obese though, I'd say I'm a 6/10. He was very funny and very caring about be in the beggining but in the end he didn't talk to me right and disregarded everything I said. Either way, while we were together even though he was obese I loved him very much and we were a pretty good couple.
It's something I'm learning recently (even though it should be obvious) is how broad peoples preferences are. r9k really fucks up your perspective if you actually believe the shit spouted here.
i'm someone that used to believe in this black white kind of shit, and it was only after doubting my own opinions about relationships that i realized how fucking retarded the majority of people on this site are
people are not walking around thinking about you as this pokemon that needs to have a certain amount of features to be caught or something
the first girl i had sex with and a relationship with was last year after 21 years of being completely convinced i was inadequate and she didn't care about my job or money of which i had none, she wasn't with me for height or my face, it was because she enjoyed talking to me and we had a connection
this is true, but alternatively you can just murder someone or simply attack someone while making sure the girl you want sees you, she'll jump on your dick instantly
this is coming from a 6'3 above average face 22 year old kissless hugless handholdless friendless virgin
you mean all of them
This is very false. At the very least you need a friend group if you want a relationship to fall into your lap.
>If you're shy but over 6ft tall and have a nice face you will get a GF.
This isn't true, but even if it was, it doesn't prove
>Being shy means absolutely nothing
The only personality trait women find more repulsive than shyness is an autistic level of social ineptitude.
This really doesn't mean anything.
>Money, personality, and things like that don't have anything to do with it
This is dumb as fuck. Being a musician, being rich, or being funny are all examples of things that will give you a ton of ground with women. There are men so physically repulsive that nothing will help, but they're an incredibly small minority.