Does anyone actually fear the idea of being in love? I find that despite being daring, polite, and capable of talking to women on a daily basis, I can't actually love anyone. I can actually screw a woman, but for what ever reason, I feel shame for being with a woman or showing any form of affection. I don't actually have a reason to fear women, but I do. I've rejected tons of woman that I enjoyed having as friends or purposely sabotage my friendship in order to avoid a possible confrontation. The only thing I have to replace it with is causing myself mental suffering, so I can feel alive.
You haven't become vulnerable enough, because you're scared of hurting some kind of deep structure inside you/ about your personality. You're too comfortable and don't really feel the need to invite change, or shift your entire focus.
Despite the fact that risking it all and letting go of your ego like that always ends up as the superior move.
I don't feel exactly like you, I just fear being vulnerable in the hands of a woman because I've been out there in the world and have seen how absolutely insane most USA women are. They are huge masses of contradictory feelings and opinions and have no idea how to reconcile all of the conflicting emotions they have at any given time, and any face the woman shows you is chosen almost at random out of the pile of hundreds of different feelings they have. One day she loved me, the next day she wanted to break up.
I'm afraid of being hurt so I'm afraid of being in love as it is likely going to end/crash at some point.
For the past 10 years or so I've pretty much rejected every hand that's been given to me, this includes possible relationships with women or just friendships with people in general.
I have nobody to blame but myself for my loneliness.
That's probably why I don't share the "tfw no gf" most robots here have. Not saying they're wrong. But all these years as an observer, I don't think I would want to be in a relationship. Sex is probably good. Having someone you can rely on every once in a while is probably good too. But everything seems so tiresome. People spending many hours on the phone chatting with each other. Refraining to do some things you'd like to do because that would upset your partner. I don't know, man. I'm not fit for that. Maybe I'm just too much of a selfish robot to care. Or maybe I'm biased. I'm a robot and every relationship people around me have always end badly.
This anon put that shit in a nutshell and framed it.
This. Exactly this.
Why aren't more robots like this? In fact, I think all those posts are just from failed normies, not actual people who have removed themselves from society (among society) and become observers
ffs man I wanna add you on steam or something
Yeah I am the same. I can happily chat to women and even have a one night stand a couple of times a year if I am lucky but I can't bring myself to commit to more than that.
I have become used to spending time in my own company and I actually really like it. I can't imagine bringing someone else into my life, and I don't feel the need to either.
The only bit that really gets to me is that I am an only child and all the stuff I inherit will go to no one.
Because it works perfectly except when you the odd thing happens and you run into a girl who challenges all of this.
It is hard to keep the walls high and mighty in the face of a heartwarming and sincere laugh you're getting.
Sex is pretty good, but once the novelty of seeing a woman naked and touching her etc passes it really isn't much different to fapping.
More a sense of a achievement than anything,
Not OP btw.
I'm KV and I don't even know if I want to change it. I don't know why but I am really apathetic to romance and I don't think about it all that much. I actually worry more about my lack of interest in romantic/sexual relationships than I do of actually having those types of relationships. I don't even feel attracted to people that I can obviously discern as being conventionally handsome.
I feel like there's something really wrong with me. I adore and respect people but the last time I can remember having a crush was in elementary, and I don't even know if that was actually a crush.
I am doing that right now. I just turned down an invitation to hang out with a group I used to apparently hung out with almost 10 years ago. Im not fit, or good company so why bother? I wouldn't have anything to talk about and just be awkward. I don't have cool clothes or a good personality. My clothes don't fit me because I rarely exercise. All I do is read , watching films and sometimes anime. I hate the group I am in now who do those sorts of things (play videogames, 4chan, anime), its toxic. But I can't leave because its me. I've not done anything worthy, I don't deserve to be happy. I know I'm the one responsible for my life and yet im expecting someone to save me like they do in the anime and movies and show me how great the world can be. I'm getting weaker and weaker everyday physically, one day it'll be to late and my heart will be full of fat and my bones will be thin and brittle. My youth will be a distance past and the only thing I'll have nostalgia for is my youthful, healthy body that I didn't take care off. I dont act normal to fit in and be friends with people because if I don't have relationships then I can't get hurt by people. The thing is, I'm hurting everyday from my self inflicted loneliness, my low self esteem caused by it and my bad breath, so I don't have conversations and shut them down if one tries to start
Sorry I just had to get it off my chest. I just need to know what I should do because I don't know what the fuck to do. I'm lost. If I dont do anything I'll wither away ike a plant.
I lost my virginity at 21 so reasonably late to the party as far as social norms go. Like I said, it was pretty good but once the novelty passed by it was nothing special. I don't chase it any more, nor do I really desire it.
I am like you in a way, the prospect of a relationship doesn't even cross my radar. I am fairly average looking so it probably could happen if I wanted it, but the desire just isn't there.
How do your family react to it all? My parents are both totally fine with it and don't really talk about it but my step mother always asks if I am seeing anyone and I just say no. Since she isn't related to me I don't really care, but I am not sure how I would act if it was one of my parents. I am 24 and my friends are getting married all around me, someone will start asking soon.
Self loathing + apathy, a deadly mix
Once you see how evil or shitty or worthless you are, it becomes almost a joy to seek out and destroy yourself. In ways no one else would even go as far to do, and in more elaborate ways because you know all the ins and outs of your mind and past.
On one hand, being able to hate yourself is good. Self awareness. Seeing the opportunity to grow, the faults- if you do this you're way ahead of the average person mentally.
Killing your pride/ ego is a great way to grow.
But what you're doing is essentially locking yourself in a cage along with your pride and hurling you both off the cliff. You don't have to make that sacrifice to get revenge.
Don't improve because it will make you feel good, or because it will make others like you. Do it to spite your pride, your shittiness. You can still view yourself as shittiness, but have the energy and range of emotions to hate it further.
My parents are super religious so they expect that I won't have sex until marriage. They encourage dating though, so it makes me feel uncomfortable.
My mom is suspicious that I am a homosexual, and I have no way of proving her wrong. Every once in a while she tries to test me by asking if I have a crush on any guys or if I am dating anyone, which doesn't help because I always say no.
Holy shit I feel the same way. Almost every day I wish I were never born. I wish I could take control of the sperm that fertilized my mother's egg. I would've just crash into the side. That or have been born.
>would've just crash into the side
With no survivors.
That's a specious perspective.
"You" will be here whether you like it or not. It's not like if "your" parents never had sex you would have never been born.
Even if that were the case "you" would never even know it because before you were born passes in less than the blink of an eye. You couldn't leave this place even if you wanted to.
Really, just think about it.
If your parents had never even met each other, would you be "here" (alive)?
Seeing things, hearing things, eating things, brooding about things?
You can't not be born. If it's not that particular set of variables that evokes your consciousness, it will be another (ie different set of parents).
It's not like before you were born you just sit in limbo for trillions of years. Just twiddling your thumbs, waiting for your parents to meet, because that's "your time" and not when some fucking tripods on an alien planet reproduce or hell when a pair of Chinese siblings in the 1300s decides to get it on and produces an inbred idiot. No, no-THIS is when YOU were supposed to be born and you've been waiting since the beginning of the universe for it.
No. You don't just sit around when you're dead/not born, dude, you're basically forced into this shit. Like that scene in a Clockwork Orange when they're prying his eyes open with those instruments. This dance will continue forever because even if it ends we won't even notice and what has happened once can happen again.
Are you religious/spiritual or something?
If my parents never met (or even just had sex in a different position; small variables like that matter), then I would never exist. A different sperm cell would've fertilized the egg. My "consciousness" is the result of a functioning brain, which never would've grown if my conception hadn't occurred.
Here's the thing though: if you don't exist then you automatically exist because you can't experience that nothingness-hence why you're "here" today and if you killed yourself right now the whole thing would just happen again. That's what I'm trying to get across here.
Yes, your consciousness is the result of your brain-but it's not like the real you is a little man inside of your brain, pulling the levers and such. It seems like it is because it's supposed to seem like it is. If that weren't the case life would be much different with a bunch of disassociated people running around without a care for their well being.
The specific you right now (posting on /r9k/) might never come into being if your parents never met (or decided to do missionary instead of doggy, whatever), but even in that case, you would still have to experience life, albeit from a different "you" because to not live is to die and you cannot possibly experience death.