Shit guys I fucked up bad tonight. I accidentally assaulted a

>>25580022
>accidentally assaulted a girl

I'm going to need an explanation

OP how do you "accidentally" assault someone?

>>25580022
quickly, get the floor polish under the sink and rub it on your skin
practice your arab accent, too, and talk about how great islam is
they won't be able to touch you at that point

quickly convert to islam and you'll be ok.

>>25580121
>>25580182
>went out for a night walk
>on my way back there's a girl walking the same direction I'm going
>literally taking the same turns I'm taking
>she looks back and notices me
>I'm wearing a hoodie because it's cold
>she starts to walk faster
>does she think I'm a rapist or something?
>decide to scare her a little
>pick up my pace as well
>she's still going the same direction I am
>pull out my pocket knife, start scraping it against the walk as I'm walking
>eventually she just fucking bolts
>think I took it too far, I should catch up to her and tell her I wasn't going to do anything
>she rounds a corner
>I go around
>suddenly she's in my face with a can of pepper spray
>slap it out of her hands immediately
>she starts to scream
>punch her in the face
>she's down
>my hand hurts
>fuck fuck fuck why did I do that
>apologize and run the rest of the way to my apartment
>lock the doors and hide

So what are my options? If the cops come do you think she'll drop the charges if I apologize and say I just wanted to scare her a little?

>>25580310
>>think I took it too far, I should catch up to her and tell her I wasn't going to do anything

kek

>>25580310
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH IN WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE DID YOU THINK IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO JUST START CHASING A FEMALE WITH A POCKET KNIFE. "OH SORRY THIS IS ALL JUST A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING"

FUCKING KEK

>>25580310
well the police aren't going to catch you but you are an idiot

>>25580310
>think I took it too far, I should catch up to her and tell her I wasn't going to do anything

spergs never fail to show their power level

fucking kek youre going to jail for this level of autism

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>>25580310
>decide to scare her a little
>pull out my pocket knife, start scraping it against the walk as I'm walking

Fucking laughed my ass off

>>25580310
>hurting and threatening others

just a prank bro :^)

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>>25580310

Start preparing for jail son, as fast as possible

Or

Flee to mexico

>>25580330
>>25580348
>>25580386
>>25580426

STFU guys this is serious.

>>25580368

Do you really think the cops won't show up? What if she can describe me to the police? What if she sees me and reports me later on or something?

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>>25580310
>pull out my pocket knife, start scraping it against the walk as I'm walking
>think I took it too far, I should catch up to her and tell her I wasn't going to do anything

I'm dying, thanks op

>>25580483
Make her drop her charges, literally offer her your services

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>>25580310
This is hilarious anon. You're not going to jail so don't worry about it.

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>>25580310
Hahahahahahaha oh my gosh

You should just apologize the bext time you see her fampai

>>25580310
this is why i still come to this shit board

>>25580483
Honestly you needn't worry, but it would be a kekathon if you saw a drawing that looked exactly like your face on TV. In fact, you should always stay tuned into your local news station just in case. But honestly, I doubt it. Maybe just go get a haircut on the off chance that she glances on you in a supermarket or something. It will lower her chances of recognizing you, however unlikely that you will ever see her again.

>>25580310
i think you're in the right here

>>25580310
I'm capping this shit. Lol. I hope this is real OP haha what the fuck dude?

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>>25580310
>pull out my pocket knife, start scraping it against the walk as I'm walking

>>25580310
I remember you.

Serial killer Obama. You are a hero. Wish I could help you

Lets hope this isnt real for OPs sake

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>>25580310
kek, she doesn't know anything about you so your fine

>>25580310
Nicely done, surely she'll understand that twas but a prank

>>25580310
>punch her in the face
>she's down
>my hand hurts

Words of a fucking champion. Wait a week, if you haven't been arrested yet pick up MMA or boxing.

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Lovely, just lovely

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>>25580310
reminds me of the time I happened to be walking behind a woman same direction down the sidewalk and she gave me the creep look, so I decided to give her the middle finger next time she looked, but then her bf just happened to be around the corner and saw, then walked up to me and socked me in the face and I ran away. Ficking retarded in retrospect, there were a few crosswalks where I could have just crossed the street which side was towards on the way home anyway.

>>25580483
you should call the cops and tell them that this was just a prank


also fuck off with your fake stories

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>>25580310
you're the sperglord this board was made for

>>25580310
hahahahahah
Ah you stupid imbecile robot!
you fucked up good if you actually turned out to be this kind of autist!
ahahahahahaha

>>25580310

If the police do catch you, I suggest you also chase them with an open pocket knife. Evolution should take care of the rest.

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>>25580310
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPslBGjuRL0

OP you deserve this song. please, enjoy.

Duude, i cant even. you did literally everything wrong here. but thankfully, you're probably safe. as long as she didnt see your face you're good. do you have a record? where do you live? Did you see anyone on the way after striking the poor lady?

dont admit to SHIT. as far as the cops go they dont know jack shit. just claim you were sleeping that night. you're fine, if you dont be an idiot... but clearly based on this story you may end up in prison. and when you are in court, you can tell your story about how you didnt even realize she thought you were following her. she just assumes and and then tries to assault YOU with pepper spray. you defended yourself.

also good job bro.

>>25580658
wow that'll get a lot of upvotes for sure!

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>>25580658
average robot desu senpai and senpai accessories

>>25580658
Wait for all le epic replies b4 screencapping. Dumbfuck retarded backwoods inbred piece of rotten shit redditor.

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>>25580730
does this board have an autocorrect for t b h and f a m??? I'm way too stoned for this

>>25580748
Uh no? What are you talking aboutfam?

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>>25580483
>I ran after her with a pocket knife as a joke
>Wtf were you thinking why would you do that
>S-shut up guys stop trolling this is serious
Hope you go to jail and get publically humiliated retard.

>>25580771
senpai desu test

>people believe this is real
why

>>25580828
It could be real. Op make pic with timestamp and your knife+hoodie

>>25580310

On the bright side you probably gave her a new appreciation for life. She probably legit thought she was going to die tonight.

>>25580310
they probably won't find you OP but if they do say you have a mental disability and you don't know why you did it (this is kind of the truth after all). start crying too. you'll be ok man just take a breather.

>>25580847

Do you know how many people have a pocket knife and a hoodie? a timestamp of that doesn't prove jack shit. OP needs to go back to the scene. There might be some blood he could timestamp.

>>25580875
this

your case is probably one of the few legit cases where you can plead mental disability kek

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>>25580877
>"That's the man officer!"
>"Came back to finish the job, eh creep?"
>BANG BANG BANG
>"SUSPECT DOWN"

Can't we send this to the british police so they have search his ip address? They can match it to the report the woman gave.

>>25580022
Well, why the hell did you post about it here? Now there's incriminating evidence against you.

>>25580877
Are you retarted?

No wonder why the majority of robots are bad at college if they come out with such stupid ideas.

>>25580310

you should turn yourself in

if you show empathy and explain the situation they'll be a lot nicer to you than if you try to hide

>>25580022
thanks for the laugh anon, if this is serious though take it to /adv/. You know, the actual board for shit like this.

>>25580981
No man, this is definitely not the way to go. Under no circumstances will they ever understand the notion that you were SO autistic that you punched a lady in the face. Unless you are visibly downie.

>>25580310

FUCKING KEK

Roastie whore deserved it anyway for assuming OP was a rapist while she was probably on her way to fuck Chad.

>>25580483
>What if she can describe me to the police?
Unless you're in the system your chances are at nil.

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>>25580310
>chase a girl with a pocket knife at night
>she gets scared
>she runs away and hides
>decide tell her it was just a prank
>get pepper sprayed
>natural reflexes kick in
>punch her in the fucking face

Why did you think chasing someone with a pocket knife was a good idea?

>>25580557
How great would it be if he did that and she was the stylist?

she stuck a pepper spray can in your face so you defended yourself. I see no problem here apart from the fact you took our a knife. If you didn't take out the knife then it would be self defense.

>>25581305
The knife would make it self defense in her case. Also, the punch afterwards was unnecessary violence too.

>>25581305

What about the part where when she ran away he literally chased her down?

>>25580981
>if you show empathy and explain the situation they'll be a lot nicer to you than if you try to hide
>Ever being nice to men who commit a crime against a woman
They'll hang him by his balls if they could.

If the girl is anything like the girls I chat with, she probably went home and played with herself

>>25581343
mate have you ever been sprayed in the eyes with pepper spray? its 10x worse than being punched in the face. I think its reasonable defense considering the weapon.

>>25581353
The only thing the cops could probably prove is he punched her in the face (unless there was cctv footage). She will probably admit that she took out a pepper spray can because he was chasing her down. OP claims that he was only going for a walk as he sees this women in front of him run away. The next thing he knows is this women is pointing a pepper spray can in his face so he retaliates in fear.

It would basically be his word vs his on the matter of him chasing her down so the only evidence they would have is she took out a pepper spray can and so he punched her in the face in self defense. I think a good lawyer could get him out of this considering this.

>go for a night walk
>on my way back I notice a creepy looking guy in a hoodie following me
>I'm taking random turns why is this guys following me?!
>walk faster
>he's staying with me
>hear noise
>he has a fucking knife holy shit
>fucking run
>I can hear him running behind me
>I'll go around that corner and use the pepper spray my mom gave me
>okay, I can do this
>there he is!
>he knocks the can out of my hand before I can spray
>"OH GOD PLEASE DON'T HU-"
>wake up a few minutes later on the ground with the worst headache of my life

>>25581456
>mate have you ever been sprayed in the eyes with pepper spray?

Yeah, but he had already slapped it away.

>>25581564
>go on the internet and tell my rape survival story

>>25580310
Be sure to post live as you finally lose your virginity to a hairy prisoner.

>>25580310
if the cops come deny everything and right now you should hide the pocket knife

say you've been in your house the entire night never admit to anything

also, lol

>>25580310
>post about it online where my posts can be traced back to me

lol retard

I hope you're making this up.

>>25580348
some dude I knew bragged about doing this on his way home from work.

It wasn't with a pocket knife, but it's still asking for trouble and fucking stupid.

turn yourself in
best option you can take a plea deal, or plead mental instability
honestly that's the best way out imo

>>25582253
>no witnesses cause middle of the night
>wearing a hoodie so probably hard to make out
>implying the girl could ever prove anything in court even if she recognized him later on

>>25580022
You're fine. Just cringe and forget about it. Maybe screencap this thread if it makes you feel better.

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>>25581433
Maybe you should talk to other women instead of paying those cam girls, anon.

>>25580426
lol that part was hilarious

i hope the cops do arrest you OP you're clearly a danger to society

>>25580310
Keep the lights off and go outside. Find the nearest woman and lunge at her to explain what just happened-you'll need a witness and the only way people listen is if you grab them by the shoulders. Show her your swollen deformed face and the knife by holding it closely to her face and telling her that she HAS to believe you. There's no way she won't.
Pull her along into your apartment and make her wait with you until the cops come. When they get there, quickly set out to reenact what transpired by chasing the witness around with the knife (let her know beforehand though otherwise this would scare her-you two should work together to set this all straight)
Once the police see all of this they'll just laugh and let you go with a warning. They'll remember when they were crazy kids like you too anon.

>>25580933
Or we could you know, help.

>>25581456
>Chasing a lone woman down a dark street with an open knife for lels.
>Gets pepper-sprayed
>Punching frightened woman is "reasonable defense"

If you ever come to America and get shot, just know its because God and nature have a plan for retards.

>>25580426
Objectively the best FF movie

>>25580310
im proud anon

>I go around
>suddenly she's in my face with a can of pepper spray
>slap it out of her hands immediately
>she starts to scream
>punch her in the face
>she's down
>my hand hurts
>fuck fuck fuck why did I do that

pure distilled autism

>>25580310

Rofl. You never even did anything, so don't worry. Bitch instigated shit.

You could at least grab sone tities :/

>>25581110
I wonder why she scared when op is chasing her with a knife

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>>25580310
>decide to scare her a little
At what point did you think this was a good idea?

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>>25580310
>think I took it too far
Yeah it was a little bit to-
> I should catch up to her and tell her I wasn't going to do anything
And you decided to go further.

It was just a prank bro it was just a prank!

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>>25580310
HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHHA

>>25580310
police wont find you. also dont turn yourself in. the judge wont give a flying fuck about " I felt guilty", "It was all a joke".

A great start to a new year, thanks autism.

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>>25580310
Kek.

You're a fucking idiot. You were pretty much harassing her already by following her, and that was too far. Pulling out a fucking blade on her and doing creepy shit was WAY too far.

Sperging out and trying to actually explain yourself cost me my sides.

I don't even know what to say beyond you dun goof'd. Holy fuck, OP.

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>>25580310
I fucking love this place. Ordinal comment

>>25580310

OP, there's nothing to worry about. If anything, you can press charges for her assaulting you with the pepper spray.

Looking suspicious is not a crime. Chasing after someone is not a crime. Holding a pocket knife in your hand is not a crime.

However, spraying someone in the eyes with pepper spray for no reason IS a crime.

Either way, it's her word against yours, and nothing will come of it.

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>>25580310
>>pull out my pocket knife, start scraping it against the walk as I'm walking
I'm fucking dying right now, you absolute madman
ABSOLUTE
B
S
O
L
U
T
E

>>25580022
>I accidentally assaulted a girl
Yeah I just hate when those things accidentally happen

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OP is a fucking mess

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Plot twisted: OP was actually trying to rape girl...

>>25580310
Did you remember to say "its just a prank bro"?

>>25580310
HAHAHAHH YOU ARE MY NEW HERO I HOPE MORE GUYS START DOING THIS TO THE MOST STACY GIRLS THEY CAN FIND, FUCK YOUR FEMINIST IDEALS WOMEN I HATE YOU ALL. LETS MAKE THIS THE NEW THING PLS.

>>25587504
>walking in someones general direction
>harassment

feminism everyone.

>>25581273
lmao sounds like a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode