I don't even know what bad personality means anymore. Success with women or any other venture certainly isn't limited to the highly well adjusted or whatever counts as "good people" now. Success seems to vindicate everything about you, and those below are derided as monsters, especially by the normie types on here.
I've had plenty of time to reflect on my actions up to this point.
For the most part I thought I was just an okay person, but when I put the pieces together I begin to recognize that I am not - that what everyone else sees is someone who is extremely selfish, angry, and woefully incapable of connecting with others.
I noticed that in how a lot of events played out, my traits and characteristics seemed eerily reminiscent of someone with borderline personality disorder. Whether it's an accurate assessment or not didn't really matter, there was something wrong that needed to be addressed.
In understanding that, I feel like I've made progress as a person.
Whenever I think about how I'm about to turn 25 without ever having been in a real relationship. 3 years ago I "dated" a skank for a week that I knew from the beginning was just using me for attention temporarily because I was so ronery.
I had a friend that I got along with amazingly, and then half a year later he told me out of the blue, "I hate you and never want to see or talk to you again." I don't know what I did wrong. We were really friendly towards each other from the start, but ~5 months in, everything he said to me was rude or insulting in some manner. I didn't realize it was him starting to dislike me until he told me he gets nothing out of our conversations, that I'm a pathetic excuse of a person, half the things he told me were lies, and I'm a disgusting faggot. This happened earlier today and I'm still upset. Half of my time was spent with him, and now he's exited out of my life entirely. I don't know how to feel. He's the only person that talked to me routinely, but this happens with all of my friends that talk to me on a near-daily basis. The only reoccurring factor is me.
>>25548731 I used to have a friend like that. I remember when he would have other friends over I would catch him talking to everyone about how stupid he thought I was by eavesdropping at the door after leaving the room. I ending up making him pay for that and everything else he did in the end though.
>>25548477 i was a fat kid for most of my life. it became ingrained in me that i had a sterling personality that would be easier to express if my body hadn't been so repulsive. so i got fed up and decided to get /fit/, or at least to quit eating so god damn much food.
fast forward a year and i'm 5'7" 115 lbs, down almost 100. my face is striking, especially my jaw and eyes. i dress well and i draw the eyes of pretty girls at the bars and clubs.
but whenever the time came to engage anyone as a human being, i had nothing. i didn't care what they wanted, nor did they care who i was. i was as much a stranger in my new body as i was in the old. that's when i figured out that my problem was only partially my weight. the other part is that i was a mean, bitter, miserable, detached asshole whom no one could be expected to like.
and now im diagnosed bpd. kill me. at least im pretty...
When all my "friends" are all enjoying themselves without me by not inviting me anywhere anymore and my family considers me the "bitter" one of the senpai. Now, I bore strangers to death, that they retreat to their smart phones and I continue playing vidya competitively in a community that barely cares about me as a person.
>>25548953 What did you do? >>25549260 He was always an asshole, but never to me. He said I saw the nice side of him because he didn't hate me. But thank you, anon. >>25549397 No, irl. That's the only reason I care. My irl friends never stick around long, but the online ones don't either, really. Online might actually be easier to keep.
Not sure why we should hate ourselves though. Most others are just as bad. The very same people that couldn't take me for my personality weren't anything near perfect. Not going to call them worse, but I definitely tried to treat them better than they treated me.
>>25550046 nice conclusion but it just sounds like a way to deflect all blame onto others, op never mentioned jumping through hoops and even if he was why would they act that way if they were using him?
how do I make online friends? I've tried occasionally but it usually never goes anywhere after the first conversation. Chat rooms are awful as well. The only time I ended up talking to someone regularly was some faggot who happened to live near me. Talked to him for like a year before realising he is a stone cold normie just pretending to be a robot.
>nice conclusion but it just sounds like a way to deflect all blame onto others
It can be.
I don't know this poster's life, but I think it's fair to assume that he is emotionally dependent on others to a fault - this pushes some people away, while those who stick around are those who feed off of it. I've seen it before, and this is the case he is at fault for not being more self-aware.
>>25547293 When I realised how intensely manipulative I am. I literally have three girls who think I'm their boyfriend and all three of them love me and no nothing about each other. I don't know why I even do it. Its not a sex thing. I feel so emotionally dead.
>>25547293 I'm a complete and utter asshole for absolutely no reason.
Like, I'm a very nice person and everyone sees me as a great dude. I've won city awards for volunteerism and teamwork.
But I'm manipulative as fuck and never really feel "bad" about anything I do.
When I was younger I fucked my way through 12 women who all thought we were going to be in serious relationships in one month.
The woman I'm with right now is the only female I've felt anything other than contempt for and even then the only reason I haven't cheated is because I don't want to screw up my own plans.
I sabotage people at work and parties all of the time. I regularly get people sloppy drunk within an hour of them showing up to a party and then convince them to do awful things just because it's fun.
I know I don't have psychopathy or anything like that because I do feel fear, anger, happiness, etc... I'm very empathetic to the point that I convince people of things easily but I just don't feel bad when they feel bad.
And I even treat the aforementioned girl I'm engaged to like shit desu senpai. I care for her but on random days I'll have these mood swings where I make life hell for her even when I know for a damn fact that I'm the one being unreasonable.
>>25550889 >If your opinions of people vacilate from intensely good to intensely bad that's BPD. >If you feel like you can't trust yourself or your feelings because they're so stupid and unstable that's BPD. >If you constantly feel like an outsider and like you're worthless or fundamentally broken thats BPD. I have all of these but the only people I've ever met with diagnosed BPD were completely fucking insane.
>>25550955 >I know I don't have psychopathy or anything like that because I do feel fear, anger, happiness, etc... This doesn't mean you aren't a psychopath. Psychopaths don't feel regret. If you have three or more of the following you could be diagnosed as having antisocial personality disorder:
1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest; 2. deception, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure; 3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead; 4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults; 5. reckless disregard for safety of self or others; 6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations; 7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.
>>25547293 when I realized that I preferred being bored than busy, instead of preferring being busy to being bored like most normies do
this visceral dislike of idleness is what eventually motivates them to get jobs and accomplish things, and the fact that I don't get the same satisfaction from being active that they do is what I place at the root of all my problems. I first learned it in high school over ten years ago when, on summer break, one of my normie friends said he got a part-time job. "Oh, what are you saving to buy?", I asked. "Nothing really", he said. "...are your parents making you pay rent? That sucks" "nah, they aren't" "so why on earth would you get a job, then?" "Something to do" I was dumbfounded and couldn't understand why he'd choose to work instead of playing vidya, reading, or even just staring at a wall.
After I lead 2 women on to believe I actually had feelings for them. Not at the same time of course. But through both of these experiences, I noticed I stopped caring for them the moment I came after fucking. I just couldn't carry out the feeling of "Love." The first time was a long lasting relationship that went on longer than it should have; the second one I basically used her and felt ashamed of myself for ever trying to 'love' someone, convincing them I loved them, fucked them, and had to kick to the curb. Mental Manipulation of people to get what you want out of the deal and not giving a damn of what they want is absolutely fucked and you realize that you are a horrible fucking person. I am that person.
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