>wake at 5 A.M. with a dull, vague feeling of having to shit in my gut
>try to shit
>try to go back to sleep
>can't because once i'm lying still the feeling is still there
>have to stay up and wait until i can fucking shit
end my life
I've never told anyone this but when I try to shit and am unsuccessful, I spray water on my asshole, shove one or two fingers in, and squeeze out or pull out the shit from my large intestine. It beats sitting on a toilet for 20 mins trying to pop an eye vessel, and after I'm done it's absolutely satsifying and refreshing.
I've done this for about half a year now and it has also been helpful in the subsidence of my hemorrhoid.
I can feel a huge log in my intestines right now that's causing suction and pain and I'm tossing around in bed trying to get it loose so it keeps going. About to make some coffee because that'll help but that means I won't get any sleep tonight