ITT: Church degeneracy stories.

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>>38065366
>Prodi Churches

I beat off on the Eucharist before

>>38065366
but.. thats not degeneracy

>>38065498

OP here.

Yea, I'll probably go to a Catholic Church when I actually need to pray

church is badass i love church not for hooking up but because i am catholic (no not because i rape ppl) addendum : (no not because i get raped im too old for that they want kids not adults)

>>38065587
go to your closet when you want to pray, like a real christian does

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>being a protestant
>year of our lord 2014 anno domini

>>38065660
i lie in bed and pray too lazy to get up sloth i know its kool though i ask him to forgive me for sloth so im covered

>>38065660
>muh Lord Jeebus says I should stay in the closet like a good faggot

hahahaha awesome.

>>38065660

I've always thought Holy Water was cool though. :P

>>38065543

Well....I'd say the church itself is degenerate.

But, they do seem to be trying.

Nobody has any other stories? C'mon. I know you do.

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>>38065706
>year of our lord 2014 anno domini
>year of our lord 2014 year of our lord

>>38065707
Yes,pray for every single little thing and treat him as a magic wish granting genie.

>>38065366
>asks me for my SSN

so, things that never happened thread?

>>38066482
atm machine
RIP in piece

>being christian

it sounds nice

I think I'll start going to church... not this sunday though... next sunday

goddamn son of a bitch captcha

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>>38065366
>social security number

you fucking wot m8?

>>38065708
That's actually a beautiful realization.

>>38069269
>>38069634
Fucking hell you faggots, obviously hyperbole

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>>38069609
> 609
> being a gaytheist

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>>38065366
sounds like my 4 years at college
>no friends freshmman year
>sophmore year go to catholic church and met dozens of catholic girls and become friends with them. Eventually fuck 3 of them. Women are just looking for an excuse to meet guys and fuck them. When they meet dudes at church, then they can tell themselves it's ok if I happen to fuck them because he's the same religion and shit

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>>38066482
>not attributing the year to the Lord twice

Fucking heretic

>>38069684
Such an elite life hack.

>>38069877
yes, that and taking social dance classes.
>traditional girls looking for a traditional man and dont like the degenerate bar scene but they still need dick.

seriously, take a swing, or tango or jazz dancing class. Yes you will look like a fedora faggot doing those gay dances but yes you will meet new women and dance with them and if you're not a total retard you will end up banging some of them

ITT: OP can't be around normal people.

>church degeneracy

Just watch or listen to Joel Osteen.

>>38065366
Why don't you learn to pay attention, and stop being such a fucking autist?

Drinking Pepsi during a sermon is disrespectful.

>>38070586

right, they should have been drinking wine

>>38069678
>Not being the Apatheist master race
Statistically speaking, assuming equal validity of all religions you almost certainly chose wrong.

>>38065498
>>38065498
Not all Protestant churches are like that. Sounds like the OP went to a heretical evangelical mega church

>>38070790
>Church of What's-Happening-Now
>Church of Hey Church Can Be Cool!
>Church of Bro-Pastor Who is Awesome and Everyone Likes Him and He's just so Friendly who ends up either Fucking Underage Girls or Killing Himself

>>38070790

All prod churches are by definition heretical in someway.

tl;dr version: aspie OP tried to interact with normal, happy people and failed miserably.

>>38071115

More like I tried to interact with enthusiastically indoctrinated people.

But I got along with them for the most part. I'll definitely be going back.

>>38071174
>indoctrinated

>slanted_hat.jpg

>>38071207

All I'm saying is, some of them reminded me of "Red State". :P

>>38069609
>

>be 16
>Living in a smallish Texas city
>My family is from the church of christ
>Dad wants to start going to church with me
>Why not? Good chance to leave my autist cave of a room
>We decide to go to a smallish church that's nearby
>its a black church, but there's some white people
>wellthat'sjustfineanddanny.jpg
>Place isn't "ghetto" but you can smell the chimp
>Most people there are old and tired, some, but very few kids, none my age.
>People randomly come and go, some never to be seen again
>the place is alright, but the preacher is one of those "angry" ones that yells really loudly during every service
>Keep going anyway

Here's one.

>One day this white girl comes in
>she has like 3 children
>she sits through one service
>takes her kids into the lobby
>takes pictures of them there
>randomly squats down to get a good picture of one
>she's wearing a red thong that's much higher than it should be
>she leaves with the rest of us
>never ever see her again.

>>38071633

She also never said a single word to anyone, she came late and left early.

>>38071656

Well, that's something.

C'mon guys! More storahs!

>>38071726
>Joyce Meyer Ministries
>mega churches

All heresy and degenerate.

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>>38065366
That's not church. You see, Protestants aren't people. That'd be like me going to the largest comic-con and expecting to get to fuck every Cammy.

>drinking in church

degenerate fuck

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>this thread

sounds like the Papacy has deployed extra shills to ruin the good teachings Protestantism / Lutheranism

we dont want your false prophet or your idolatry

>>38071742
How are mega churches intrinsically degenerate? You could perhaps argue heretical, but how are they degenerate?

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European Protestant denominations
>Lutheran
>Reformed/Presbyterian
>Anglican

American Protestant denominations
>Southern Baptist
>United Methodist
>Pentecostal
>Seventh-Day Adventist
>Churches of Christ

Daily reminder that Protestant degeneracy comes only from America.

>>38071726

Here's one.

>Decide I wanna try out other churches
>talk to this one girl who recommends on
>says its an "apostolic" church
>nofuckingideawhatthatmeans.jpg
>fuck it, whatever, she says its cool
>Decide to go
>Can't find it at first, spend 20 minutes looking
>leave
>google the address
>turns out its in a small building build behind a house
>redflags everywhere suddenly
>bring this up to her
>she says its k
>whatever, try again next week
>head over there with my dad
>get out, go back there
>I can hear them inside the room, chanting something and moaning

At this point I was like, what the fuck kind of satanic motherfucking cult did she lead me to?

>We're already in their yard, too late to back out now, dad giving me funny looks
>go inside, people are on the floor, in chairs, and all apparently having seizures, moaning some weird religious shit
>Its like God is making them perpetually orgasm
>weirded the fuck out, but we've been seen, really too late now
>everyone is dressed up REALLY fancy, like the pope is gonna come in any minute
>everyone immediately greets us
>we sit down quietly in the back and watch

The preacher came up after a while and gave a super aggressive sermon for like an hour and 30 and then they did more moan/pray/chanting things for a while, and we left, all of them saying they hoped we would come back.

Never did. EVER. I asked the girl what the fuck was going on and she stopped and never talked to me again.

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>>38071803
-The music
-The commercialization of Christian fellowship
-The lack of community due to the huge, impersonal congregation

>>38071843

What. The. Fuck.

>>38071843

I'm not kidding about how fancy they were dressed. Fresh hair cuts, full-dresses and suits, shined shoes and rings, each one of them looked like a generic everyman/woman from the 50s. Each young couple had at least 3 kids, all of whom were dressed the same way.

>>38070586

Then the Church shouldn't have vending machines in their building.

>>38071894

They clearly hadn't had a visitor in forever, they all greeted us eagerly. Like, no shit, they all looked over at us and flocked to us while doing the moan chanting praying shit, each one shaking both of our hands in the most polite manners and introducing themselves with their full name. We felt so out of place wearing jeans and boots, looking clearly not as sharply dressed.

I could go on.

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I went to funerals two days ago. I hadn't gone inside a church for a very long time, last time was in Santiago or some shit. I don't really believe in god or anything but the guy said he wanted to be buried there so I obliged.

Funerals were a tidbit obnoxious but pretty chill by catholic standards. They didn't overdo it. So anyways the mayor wanted to kiss the crying widow (frenchfag so nothing wrong with that), but they were on different parties during the previous elections and one of the members of the cabinet tried to interpose himself. What a dork.

>2014
>trying to disrupt the course of funerals over meaningless political arguments on behalf of the widow

>>38071843
>>says its an "apostolic" church
>>go inside, people are on the floor, in chairs, and all apparently having seizures, moaning some weird religious shit
>>Its like God is making them perpetually orgasm

This is what happens when you decide you're too good to listen to the Catholic and Orthodox churches, absolutely disgusting.

>>38071991

I've been to both catholic and orthodox churches. Never cared for them. I sticked with the church of Christ for most of my teenage years. I don't go to church anymore, but I do try to worship God in my own time.

>>38071843
assembly of god

creepy fuckers

>>38071991

I have no idea what the fuck kind of cult she lead me to, though. I mean like what the FUCK. And she genuinely did never talk to me again. She avoided me and blocked me on all social networking sites.

>>38071843

Oh! I totally forgot. I was in an internet based "christian" cult, once. You can still find them, shall I post about it? I have a lot of stories to tell, these guys were absolutely disgusting.

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My mom made me go to this youth group for two years. Only thing it was good for was hanging out with the other kids. Towards the end we had to go on a retreat out to a church up in the mountains and spend two nights there. The dorms were separated by gender. The youth minister made the poor decision of leaving 20 teenage boys alone all night in the dorm. Needless to say, we fucked the place up. There was an insanely violent pillow fight which led to some real fist fights, and there was shaving cream splattered all over the walls. Also, someone broke into my room and spilled my secret bag of chips everywhere, which lead to an infestation of ants.

Our church is not allowed back to that monastery for 10 years.

>>38072055

OP here.

That's what this thread is about.

>>38071884
Isn't all organized Christianity commercial?

Not that I'd rather go to a mega church since tight community is the entire reason to have church, but they're all just reeling in the money for the pope's or john wesley's golden toilet paper.
Maybe megachurches are just more honest about it? or maybe they just spend more money on the actual churches and people who go there rather than sending it up river?

>>38072101

OP here again.

That's why I said I like Catholic Churches, you can just go in, pray, nobody bothers you or tries to get into your personal business.

Just you and God. That's it. I went there because I wanted to meet people. Lmao.

>>38065366
OP discovering that women love cocks`

>>38072083

Okay. I love this thread~

>Be like 14
>Constantly on the internet because FUCK having a social life outside of it
>Pretty naive and stupid
>Really just want something to give my life meaning, a religion, a belief, something, anything
>Find this forum where I find a guy posting
>forum is totally unrelated, he's posting on behalf of a guy named "Pastor Harry".
>Has a website. Literally this: http://www.satansrapture.com/
>Like I said, young and stupid
>check it out
>woah dude this is cool and abstract
>learn more, listen to him
>he directs me to a BTR showcast he does every week
>check it out

I was in this cult for about a half year. And I say "in it" very loosely, because I just listened to it and talked to other members online. I don't even know where to start...

I was molested and now I suck dicks

>>38072120
>Just you and God.

But that's wrong.
That's the entire fucking reason we have Protestantism, because the clergy constantly powertripping on their monopoly on god.
The pretense that you can actually talk to god without a pontifex in Catholicism is blasphemy.

Protestantism was created to undermine the power of the clergy by saying "yeah god really does hear your prayers, kid, you don't need to suck a priests cock for god to know about your father beating you".

>>38072137

So lets start with this nigga "Harry"

>20something faggot, was on TV once
>He has very weird, very opinionated beliefs

>Believes "Santa" is a pagan god
>believes a bunch of made up shit surrounding his backstory
>Had this popular TV show, the name of which I can't remember, I wanna say mythbusters but that would be silly
>he burned a santa doll on live TV

>Believes the book of romans should be burnt, because it blatantly disagrees with him in a few verses

>Backs up all of his opinions with a made up "bible code" which only he is permitted to decode
>"I am the chosen one" mentality
>everyone gladly eats it up

>>38072169

nice b8 m8

>>38072206

>He believes people in some religions will be worse off than others when they die
>the worst out of all of them is "baptists" for no apparent reason
>He really, really fucking hates baptists
>talks shit about them constantly
>doesn't even argue their logic, just shit talks them

>Anyone who disagrees is silenced, labeled a troll and attacked in the chatroom immediately, sometimes up to 20 minutes after they were silenced
>I got silenced once for asking a question he didn't know how to answer

>>38072211
but it's the truth

why do you think it's called a pontifex?
"pontifex" straightup means "bridgebuilder" in Latin

they clergy is the only legitimate connection to god from the mortal realm

>>38072169
All protestants did was cut out major books in the bible to prove their point. The catholic bible is much bigger for a reason.

>>38072252

Hm. Continue.

>>38065366
in this modern age church groups are only good for getting your nuts off. especially protestant.

if you are actually in it for piety (the minority) join the Catholic Church, one of those latin masses.. they take it seriously over there.

>>38072280

You should check out the website I sent you in the first post. Its fucking weird.

>He is full on "hurr durr illuminati!" mode.
>Blames the illuminati and obama for everything
>literally just about everything
>Even the fact not many people fallow him
>Think's there's some grand conspiracy against him

After half a year of listening to this bullshit, I finally outspokenly questioned it.

>Talking to the most active member of the "church" who I had befriended
>ask him some questions
>he just repeatedly tells me to have faith and disregard it
>send him a 3 paragraph long rant all legitimately questioning his "pastor".
>He ignores it and tells me to have faith again
>stops talking to me totally for months

And that's when I never went back. No one noticed I was missing, despite I was one of the most active of the group. Granted the group only consisted of around 10 people and many other unknown individuals.

>>38072055
>I was in an internet based "christian" cult, once. You can still find them, shall I post about it? I have a lot of stories to tell, these guys were absolutely disgusting.

Sounds a lot like /pol/ haha

>>38072391

If /pol/ was lead by some weird faggot with a metal music and clown fetish which he seems to passive-aggressively love, yeah.

More like if /s4s/ and /pol/ had a babby

>grandma wants to go to the church
>I was supposed to drive her there and help her
>like 20 hobos are sitting at church entrance
>ground there was stained from them and smelled like piss
>church was filled with old stinky people
>I had to sit to fat cunt that smelled like doom
>for like an hour we did actions that felt like brainwashing
>priest gave a moral about how we are supposed to help others in need, especially niggers and other shitskins in Africa
>the church was so cold I got sick

I am never going to church again. Fuck that cold stinky place.

>>38072428

I feel ya. The black church I mentioned earlier in the thread had like 7 fans on full blast and AC running. Room was like 40 degrees, and fat black women in the crowd acted like they were dying of heat exhaustion, while everyone else was freezing.

>>38072420
>More like if /s4s/ and /pol/ had a babby

How horrifying

>>38069785
You might not know this, but I laughed very hard at your post

>>38072362

Sounds fucking crazy. I checked out the site.

I've seen thousands of websites like this one.

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>Be 9-10.
>Parents are super hyper-anal religious. Like, wouldn't let me watch pokemans and shit.
>Parents burned my yugioh cards when I was in elementary school.
>Be 14-15.
>Going to a sweet ass church with a lot of cool friends.
>Church isn't insane at all, and the services are all nice and refreshing.
>Parents hear one sermon the pastor talking about "making peace with other cultures.
>Brings up some document he and a bunch of pastors signed about not being assholes to different religions.
>Parents think the pastor is a religious traitor.
>Force me to leave the church.
>Stop talking to my friends because the church is like an hour away.
>Become agnostic as a result.

>>38072428
>complains about niggers and shitskins
>cant handle a little cold

I have some news for you, Ahmed....

>>38072137
>satansrapture.com

It's like jesus-is-savior.com on a bad drug trip plus JW-level apocalyptic prophecy bizarreness

>>38071843
Definitely Pentecostals

>>38071906
Were they all white?

>>38072690
Besides their beliefs, Pentacostal girls are the most qt, Baptist coming in second IMO.

>>38071840

>seventh day adventist
>worship on the same day jesus worshipped
>health message far ahead of its time
>mother fucking kellogs cereal nigga
>studies show we live longer because healthy as fuck

fitness is like half of what we talk about. our bodies a temple, and that temple should be built nigga.