/cpd/ - CHICAGO PD SCANNER THREAD - REAL WEEKEND HOURS

Evenin' Roberts

Ah, came up right as I searched /cpd/ a second time. /comfy/ af.

This board is a fucking disaster, hopefully we don't slide into oblivion

Hello Roberts still a bit early for the negro action

>>128217343
The catalog is utter shit, but strangely /ptg/ has been extremely shill-free the last 2 days. I wonder if they just gave up on targeting /ptg/

At least /cpd/ has always been a shill-free zone, except for that one time we had that coalburning cuck who tried to blame nigger behavior on everything but niggers

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Adam needs to check his damn keys.

>go brush teeth
>page 7

Is this male blacks doing?

>>128217515
It's an utter shit show. However, time for /comfy/, with the wife, listening to Robert vs The nefarious Male Black.

goddamn this dispatch is talking 100 miles a minute

she needs to take a lesson from Sassy and slow her roll

>>128217515
/britpol/ has been the worst recently thanks to the election.

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WATCH
YOUR
FUCKING
KEYS

>positive community interaction
what

Happy Friday everyone!

It's a nice warm night down here in the south and I'm super comfy with my cup of iced tea and moonshine

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Robert Reporting.
Get the key out of yo ass Adam

>incoherent woman
>may be high on drugs

913 Robert status: comfy
Key status: aww yeah, checky-checky!

BLACK MALE DOMESTIC SITUATION

Can we get some bingo cards?

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>>128219705
of course, robert

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>>128219904

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>>128219938

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>>128219967

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>>128219995

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>>128220024

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>>128220060

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>>128220096

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>>128216651
Ah, here we go. Thank you for the bread, Robert. Gonna bump for a bit to keep us afloat. Cheers, all.

Brawling Sheboons
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9FvldyjkMg

Boob escape at 0:24

It is happening, Roberts - next Wednesday I'm going to Chicago. Until then this thread is a part of my education program in cultural diversity.

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>>128217343
Bump it up, man. We gotta do our part.

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evening Roberts

>Go to arguably the best public school in my state
>probably around 65-75% white/asian
>only saw a fight with my own eyes once
>at lunch
>munching on my tunafish sandwich with friends per usual
>sheboon leaps onto a table
>grabs the weave of another sheboon and starts throwing punches
>fight seemingly came out of nowhere, they went from 0 to monkey in 1.2 seconds

Back then I didn't know, but now I think they really can't grow beyond acting on instinct.

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OH MY FUCKING GOD ADAM CAN YOU WATCH YOUR KEYS FOR TWO GODDAMN SECONDS

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>>128217515
There's that one autistic leaf shitposter who shows up every week or so, though, trying to fuck up the comfy. Too many people are gullible and engage with him, which is sad.

>male black in a bulls jersey urinating in the street

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>>128220564
Somewhat unrelated but I wanna bump anyway: Why don't we troll people anymore? Member when we trolled the shit outta Cheri Jacobus?

>homeland security needed

wat

>>128221100
I thought I misheard that. What would they be called for?

>>128221222
Remove kebab?

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>>128220930
Dude, this is the CPD thread. Are you lost?

>>128221100
ooooo I heard that too, what the fuck they doing, Robert????

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>>128221222
>>128221100

huh ... digits

>we have that naked male

Weather forecast for coonery looks good.
>naked male

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evening Roberts
>>128221100
that caught my attention too.
>naked male
>is this kid mentally disturbed? do we know?

>male black with a gun
>Person down
>naked male

still over an hour to RRH

>>128221364
>somewhat unrelated but I wanna bump anyway
I wanted to bump the thread so it didn't slide, and rather than just posting "bump," I dumped a thought into a post.....

>>128221364
Won't do it again, Robert. The thread is bumpin naturally at this point

Good evening fellow Roberts. Checking my keys on this warm Chimpcongo evening.

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>>128221386
someone fill me in the the digits thing?

>male passed out on caller's front porch
>possible heroin overdose

>bed time for porch monkey

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>>128221500
Good instinct omae

It's only 2100 in Chicago, yet already a few "man down" messages. What's the forecast on shenanigans?

evening Roberts
ready for some male black/his panic mayhem

>Current Chicago weather: 72 deg. and clear

sounds like the kind of weather conducive to homicide

GOOD CALL MARLO!

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>>128221678

>>128221908
Bingo by midnight at this rate

its that time of the year where i can finally pretend all the gunshots are fireworks
god bless chicago

> male black interfering with ATMs

Female white? whew.... He mumbled but I heard a reference to the coveted Female White

Kid may be under the vehicle? What the fuck?

>kid under vehicle

man vs machine

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Iowa city might as well be a chicago suburb anyway, I belong in this thread.

It has been in the 80s all day and most of these coons have been outside drinking all day.

>>128222143
Typical.
ATM tryna do its thing when along come Gibs...

>ah shit a Noriega sighting

>>128222143
>Be male black, not male white
>Not wearing Obama mask while robbing ATMs

He ain't even tryin'

>>128221970
what?
i am not a dedicated autist mostly only log in for the cpd threads and to get the latest on leaks and politics. only recently have i started looking at some of these shit posting threads and started seeing the thing with the digits

>>128222143
awww man, my stream is way behind, I read your post a good minute before I heard it on the scanner

My Agency recently $250,000 worth of Plate Carriers, E-SAPI/ESBI's and older Patrol Carbines(Ruger Mini 14 and Colt M16A1s) that our armorers refurbished for them. We will advise the CPD on purchase of new long arms for their Patrol Officers, if their Command asks for it, we have a few Firearm Industry within our State for better RFP and UOR Contracts and cheaper Individual Officer Purchases.

>>128222436
Think, Robert. What set of digits do you see on every post?

SHOTS FIRED LETS ROLL

>>128222609
Wait Wait i know its your personal autist level

>>128222609
Did I just take the bait, because I think I just took bait lol... It's hard to tell because we have been greeted with an influx of newfags

>>128222609
these -->>>128221386

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>someone shot

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>>128222436
Huh. Weird.

Well, repeating post integers are as rare as they would mathematically appear to be, and are seen (by many) as a sign of significant serendipity, fortunate synchronicity or a good omen.

Anything further I'd refer to the Esoteric Kekism of the Chaos Frog Sect on 8ch.

/pol/res/9900600.html

>just walked out of the station screaming at us

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>>128221678
This is a comfy thread so I'm not gonna be rude, but please take note of board culture when traveling

Good evening Roberts. What's the weather looking like for tonight?

shots fired

>>128219138

That sounds heavenly!

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>>128223690
25, with a chance of life.

>Shot in the hand

>>128223690
Low in the 60's and no rain. Outdoor coonery expected.

>>128222475
I notice that sometimes the ambient stream gets behind

>>128223963
Thanks kind sir.

>>128223690
Get comfy, Robert. There's a storm brewin in Chiraq and it's sure to rain lulz down on us

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>>128223843
kek

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>>128223423
cool thanks i figured it was something along them lines.

>inoxicated man in a wheelchair

>intoxicated man in a wheelchair trying to get in the nursing home
He's either trying to get home or get in and knock up a granny

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>intoxicated nigger in a wheel chair
Top Kek

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>>128224556
Nigger version of Ray?

> good white kids throwing rocks at niggers

>>128224677
fun fact, apparently nursing homes are filled with debauchery and the STD rate is relatively high in them

>>128225083
heroes

>>128225119
Maybe in Chicago.... idk about most nursing homes tho ha

>>128220684
Evening Count - get to work...we've been waiting. Still best artwork in my book.

>>128225327
Anon's right, old folks simply don't give a shit and want to get it on

>>128225119
heh, if dispatch calls "orgy at the nursing home"...

>>128225336
i didnt make that unfortunately i provided the original pic. i been trying to get a good program to edit photos to make things like this i tryed the tryal version of cs5 and found that it wouldnt import a pic and i wasnt going to pay $50 a month to use it so on the hunt for other software

>>128225500
that's hilarious. I never would have guessed that

>>128225327
Near where I grew up is this new place called the villages. It's Ancient Greece debauchery performed by ancients.
http://www.mysuncoast.com/health/sexually-active-seniors-facing-increased-risk-of-stds/article_e0b4b284-ae26-11e4-b72f-3b65d1ef5ff3.html

>>128225688
They almost dead anyway

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pic not related, but i am really in to scoops memes

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>>128216651

God Bless Officer Robert.

>>128225683
I'm a hobbyist artist, and I've used GIMP for a long time, I bet you could figure out how to use that. It's a lot like photoshop but completely free.

>>128225688
STDs are rampant in nursing homes. There was a big study a few years ago that made headlines

>bag of trash on fire on the 4th floor balcony

>more shit on fire

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>chicago l i t e r a l l y burning

>captcha: place blacktown

>>128218670
Oh yeah I bet. What a shitshow. Howdy, Roberts. Good morning.

>>128225948
Well that just cements my position of never putting my parents anywhere near a nursing home haha

>>128225936
nice i was trying to find a site that wasnt going to give me a virus to get sc3 free. but i will look at GIMP

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>>128226177
checked and keked

>missing 14 year old
Someone's goin' loli hunting out there

Alright. We have a 7-Eleven Robert tonight.

where is wild BILL CLINTON location check?

Bump for Robert

MALE BLACK strikes again

more shots fired

Crazy night tonight

>>128226374
Reminds me of that rape wagon few nights ago.

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>>128226659

MALE BLACK WITH A GUN

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>>128226659
not even Real Robert hours yet

The year is 1925.

>>128226881
Roberts are now taking calls, I think we can say it is now RRH

Maybe one day we can have programs that can listen to these streams and recognize what's being said. Then we could have real-time maps to go with it. That would be so comfy.

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>>128227105
you can kind of use your imagination

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>>128227039
They're coming out piecemeal tonight. Good, good.

Good evening, Roberts. How the hell are ya?

>>128225119
I have heard the same about retirement communities. They had a mass outbreak of antibiotic resistant syphilis at one retirement community in florida some years back.

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long time no see roberts. Glad to be back

>>128227296
I want the visual effect of orange dots surfacing on the map and flashing. Too much work to do manually for it to be worth it.

>>128227419
You have missed some shidd :-DDDD

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>>128227039
Not even 10 in Chicago, it's just gonna keep gettin better

Neighburrrr

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tellz more?

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Aaaand good evening, Roberts. Ready to get comfy. How's the weather?

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>Eleven eleven Robert

CHECKED
H
E
C
K
E
D

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>>128227496
Just a map that blipped whenever the gunshot detectors registered would be orgasmic.

Cool headed male dispatch on duty to guide Robert

>>128227799
tripledubs, dayum nigga.

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>tfw 30 minutes from Chicago
It feels weird hoping that shit will hit the fan when it's so close to me.

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>>128227799
checked and looks dark tonight

homeland security agaaaain

>>128227799
gonna dip down into the mid-low 60s F later, right now it's in the low 70s
>https://weather.weatherbug.com/weather-forecast/hourly/chicago-il-60607

Yo listen to this tsundere shit between these two.

>>128227971
Just stay comfy, Robert is containing Male Black from spilling into the non-nigger parts of your area.

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>>128228113
>d-did you move to this location, Robert?
>i-it's not like I wanted you to or anything!

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>>128228024

but not too dark am i right huehue

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>>128228111
clear as well, being Friday this should be a extra comfy evening

>>128228093
S E N D T H E F E D S

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>>128228111
Perfect

Is there a show that livestreams Robert's shenanigans with Male Black? That would be max comfy levels. I know "Cops" is a show but that's not live or anything.

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>>128216651
>ROBERT is the hero Chiraq needs but doesn't deserve; His nemesis is MALE BLACK, a notorious thief, murderer, and general rapscallion. By night they battle for the fate of the city.

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Hey guys, official killjoy here;

Robert is a chicago police extention of R, which is part of the exclusively chicago police code for the result of an incident.
A "robert" statement, where police dont have to write a police report, is when an arrest is made.

So, in other words, robert is the sole person responsible for 110% of all chicago police arrests.

>>128228238
>r-rOBERT-KUN! You forgot t-to check your keys you BAKA!

>>128228527
LivePD is what you're looking for. It airs for 3 hours every Friday and Saturday night from 9 to midnight on A&E

>>128228527
Not in chiraq. They just started wearing body cams. Have to FOIA those to watch.

live PD is what your looking for

>throwing fireworks at cars
An intellectual sport.

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>>128228677

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>>128228626
>watching that on mute with the Scanner cranked up

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For those who missed last night, the Season 2 family photo has a new addition: "MALE WHITE weearing an Obama mask robbing an ATM machine"

>>128227799
Beautiful here in Chicago. Felt like 80s today with low humidity and it's cool in the evening.

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evening, Roberts

>Bookbag full of stolen liquor
>get caught
>proceed to threaten staff

Real Einstein here

These rayciss cops tryin' 'a' get into this niggas book bag. He a good boy. Jus' tryin' 'a' learn.

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Male black at Walgreens with a bookbag full of stolen liquor

>>128229127
He wuz stealin dat liquor fo his mama, it help her arfritis!

>>128229159
Walgreens selling liquor in Chiraq?

>let me what other crap I've got up here now

kek dispatch

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GOOD MORNING

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>>128229006
I'm digging this low humidity
t. west town

An old man is about to clean up the streets.

>>128229261
Must be

>>128229339
What the hell are they thinking, lol?

>>128229117
I remember I used to get angry when that kinda shit happened. I was livid while watching the Baltimore riots, especially when they started attacking white Orioles fans that were minding their own business, simply because they were white. Seeing them hunt down white people still would make me mad, but when niggers chimp on other niggers, I've found comfort just like my fellow Roberts have.

>Male Asian

RARE
A
R
E

>Male asian
>RARE

>male asian
They must have been influenced by this "black pickup" she's talking about. Perhaps "pickup" refers to a new probe unit which MALE BLACK uses to subvert innocent citizens.

>>128229435
ninja on the loose

>male asian
holy

>>128229308
Think it'll rain tomorrow. That'll fuck up Sunday when it goes well into the 80s.
Going to get a good bike ride on the Cal Sag trail tomorrow before weather kicks in

>>128229127
He done doin he book lernin in dat baykpayk, he dindu nuffin! Fuck da Poe-leeeeese

I didn't know asians drank forties

>>128229395
"Know your market" Kek.

BODY REMOVAL
O
D
Y

R
E
M
O
V
A
L

>>128220146
Thank you for these, Robert. I was missing a few.

>PLOT IS THICKENING

>Plot is thickening
>"mmmhmm"

kek

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Can't you people see Islam has taken Chicago by force and Rob Emmanuel and the Gubmint are covering up the REAL story?

the plot is thickening

The plot thickens.

>PLOT IS THICC

>>128229818
>>128229828
>>128229835
>three other people thought to say the exact same thing

>da Saints are out

>>128229904
ROBERTMIND

I don't understand why Robert puts up with this shit every fucking night. Idk if it's noble, or insane, or what?

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"threatening to shoot up the house"
>>128229524
chance of showers, higher humidity, 100% "chance" of chimpouts
Pallbearer at Do Division Fest Sunday

>>128229982
Because Robert knows the city needs him, and deep down, he needs the city

>they're getting ready to fight

>>128230144
Checked

>>128222507
You should try to acquire some DP-12s a bit of practice and you're more than likely going to be the last man standing

>someone breaking into the thrift shop

Walgreens is getting TRASHED tonight.

>Male, white
RARE & WITNESSED

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OP here I won't be around to bake the next, gotta get up early.

ROCK THE NIGHT for me Roberts

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>>128228607
If only that was true.

>>128230466
Testify!

TRANSGENDER

Tranny beatdown!!!

>tranny getting jumped

>>128216651
What anime is that?

>this tranny
what in the fucking world

>was jumped on by three people
>one is a black tranny

BLACK TRANSGENDER GETTING JUMPED

aw fuck tranny beaters in the gas station

>black tranny prostitute got jumped

>transgender

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>>128230543
dont you mean nigger faggot?

>drunk spic ran into someone

Leave the pupper alone!

not the pupper! :(

> Black transgender.

Shit just got real.

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boyfriend is threatening to kill her dog

He wants the weed. Give him the weed.

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>>128230844
check it

Save that dog, Robert ;~;7

LEAVE THE CHIUAUA ALONE

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Wait. Kill the chihuahua?

THREATENING A CHIUAHUA?!?! SUICIDE BY COP THIS FUCKING BITCH

not the Chihuahua!

>this long down time
Police coverage will be back after a word from our sponsors.

>>128231472
>/cpd/ - Sponsored by SlimJim

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Just got on, wife asleep. Someone catch me up.

>that description
give that robert a medal

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>>128231555
O YEAH!

>>128231605
>just normal coon things beating up black trannies and such

>there's a man who says he was bitten by a dog

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>>128231555
Confirmed that Robert has to step into a slim Jim before every shift

>>128231605
Shit on fire, a body was found, Asian Male, tranny got jumped. drunk man in a wheelchair trying to get into a nursing home, among other instances

>>128231605
Hmmm
>general niggerity
>nigger trying to kill a chihuahua

And someone just jacked a semi? Male black better hope it wasn't Jack Burtons!

>>128231250
Nobody ever teaches chihuahuas manners. They're outright bastard dogs 99% of the time. Fuck chihuahuas.

>>128231605
lots of dog and male black violence

>>128231605
Lots of instances of people throwing beer or fireworks around. A black tranny in a dress got jumped. Some drunk Hispanic got in a car accident. Someone is threatening to shoot up a house.

>>128231776
they're pretty good BBQ'd though

>>128231742
>he steps on his slimjims rather than snapping into them like Robert

UBER DRAMA

>passenger refuses to pay fare
>threw up in her vehicle

WE WUZ UBER N SHIEET

>white pontiac
Uber, everyone.

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>>128231768
Chicago is going to make every Chappelle show sketch a true habbening by July 4th

>>128232071

/cpd/ is the best on 4th of July

shady autos afoot

more UBER DRAMA

>man passed out near hotdog factory
>never mind, disregard that
damn

Hey there fellow Roberts.

still dont know if fireworks

>>128232184
I have that week off. The comfy levels will be extreme this year.

>>128232589
How much of the city do you think they're going to set on fire this year?

2 white chicks blaze it faggot

FEMALE WHITE
E
M
A
L
E

W
H
I
T
E

white women weed

>>128232740
Well, the southside is guaranteed...maybe midtown? I want to see footage of an L train on fire thundering down the tracks with coons in a gunbattle on the roof.

marijuana use is illegal in the state of Illinois

>>128232871
ALL YOU HAD TO DO

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>>128232740
>How much of the city do you think they're going to set on fire this year?

>/cpd/ July 4th 2016

>Dispatch: How many fires do we have
>Robert:The entire south side is on fire
>Dispatch: I hate my life

Never laffed so hard in my life.

>crazy look on his face
>walking southbound

>>128232071
>"I'm rich, bee-yotch!"
>honk honk

>>128232971
It's been decriminalized. Just a ticket if not selling.

crazy mofo on the loosee southward

>>128232971
Unfortunately :/

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>>128232184
yup, fireworks cover the gunshots. Thankfully I'm not on duty this 4th of July so I can be nice and comfy and listen to CPD radio.
This 4th of July should be especially busy.

>>128229261
I know CVS does
>listening to scanner last weekend during the day
>report of black male stealing liquor from CVS
>shocked face engaged

baseball BATTTT

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tuning in from the west coast - what have i missed? Robert.

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>male with a baseball bat

>>128230580
>What anime is that?
>Robert Super Gumball Go Go Funtime

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>anything unusual the removal service needs to know?

best of nigger tranny beat down.... alot of shots, homeland called 2 times

>>128227296
So Fuller park is your reason to invest a few extra bucks into automobile maintenance?

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>>128233589

>>128233650
>homeland called 2 times

WTF is up with that?

WE WUZ NATIONAL SECURITY THREAT?

>Shiller
What did she mean by this?

>kids being loud in the schoolyard

>at a 7/11 having a dispute with someone from a toll company
what kinda ghetto monstrosity is a toll company??

>>128233943
the cops probably on their way to give them a medal for at least being in school

>>128233943

>niggers
>anywhere near a school

This is a cover up.

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>Google OP pic
>Get this

Can't make this shit up

Standby - new bread baking

>>128234480
>worldstar
HAAAAAAH

>car on fire

CAR ON FIRE!

We are getting close to RRH

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>>128234480
>Best guess:Video.

well, gee

>>128234756
must be a birthday party

>>128234480
>Google analyzing gif
>working...
>working...
>Police beating animation detected
>Potential targets being displayed

>>128230316
I recently IOP'd a .338 Federal Wilson Combat Recon Tactical Rifle and had my buddies in the Armory customize it for me with a 17.25" Barrel, 15" Fortis Switch M-LOK Rail, JP VMOS Variable Mass Bolt Carrier, Falkor Mach 10 Charging Handle, Wilson Combat LE/MIL Single Stage Trigger, JP Ambi Magazine Release, JP Ambi Safety Selector, JP Trigger Pins, Phase Five Battery Assist Device, Tango Down BG-17 Grip, LAW Folding Buffer Tube Mount, Fortis LA Stock, Rifle Length Gas Piston Set, SilencerCo ASR Flash Hider with SilencerCo ASR Specwar .30 Caliber, Accu-Tac FC-10 QD Bipod, Steiner Intelligence Combat Sight with Steiner Micro RDS, AN/PEQ-16, SureFire X400V-IRc Light, Fortis Shift M-LOK Vertical Grip, a TNVC PVS-14 Night Vision Scope and Trijicon REAP-IR Thermal Scope for my Designated Marksman Duties on our Counter-Terrorism Task Force (which is an autonomous sub-Command our of State SWAT Team) for only $5,300 with my Connections. I am getting a few more 20 round Magazines and 200 Cartridges with 215 grain SAPHEI (Mini-Raufoss) .338 Caliber Projectiles loaded in. I will be able to penetrate 2.5" of AR-550 Steel and still kill a Terror Suspect(s)/Active Shooter(s) behind armor plates, if needed, and penetrate any Level IV+ ESAPI inserts(Steel or Ceramic).

>>128234798
how are you doing feet-flag robert?

screams and shots fired

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NEW BREAD
NEW BREAD
NEW BREAD

>>128234797
>>128234797
>>128234797

migrate

>>128234797

>15 year old ran away from home
>now wants to go back home
awwww

> Robert is a man of great kindness

>>128233741
the elusive storm drain negroid.
evening lads, 847 checking keys here. as much noggery as last night?