>Talking Heads - Don't Worry About the Government >studying, pretty happy even though I shouldn't be, thinking about how much money I'll make once I finish university and move to a flourishing big city like Kansas City or something
https://youtube.com/watch?v=tk0BOK0EDFE because I just woke up from such a dream, one of the worst feelings I know and it keeps happening more and more, different people, sometimes people I've barely considered and have absolutely no feelings for.
>>61926661 > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hcwZ9EptZs >23, european college dropout, 1 month into working at the supermarket storage at night, and -wilingly- not seeing any of my few friends, also stuck in my room for the past week healing a Tendinitis.
Moving out in a few months. Still haven't gotten over my ex (we separated over a year ago). Can't bring myself to see other girls past immediate hookups. Confusing apathy and boredom with sadness. Killing time and making my way through a pretty extensive backlog. Woke up a few hours ago and starting the night off with a release from one of my favorites that I've yet to spin
>Now, Now - Giants >I need to get going on starting my post college life. There's a job listing I'd do anything to get, but even if I get it, I don't know if I could handle all the things that go along with the gig.
>>61927006 It WILL be mate, trust me, why deal with the expense of some washed up shithole like New York or LA or Chicago when you can be a pioneer. It has all the amenities of a larger city with none of the downsides
>Feel I'm feeling completely numb. None of my interests are appealing anymore. Music, reading, or watching movies is something I just can't do anymore. Even new hobbies don't interest me. I used to feel depressed, but now I feel nothing.
>>61926881 >Elliott Smith - Christian Brothers Love that song. Might be my favorite Elliott song after Coming up Roses.
Also sorry for how you're feeling. I can relate to not wanting to hurt my family with my death. I hope things get better for you.
>>61926965 Samurai Sword is one of my favorite songs of all time. As for asking her out, I recommend you do, but then again I've never asked any girl out because of fear. >>61928446 Good song. Sorry you feel that way, hope things get better. >>61928578 Matt Elliott is great. Also really sorry for your dad. I can't imagine losing my father.
>>61928763 Probably true. I don't know what to do about it though. I don't know who to talk to about it since I don't like talking about myself. >>61928815 Epilogue was one of my favorite songs for a short period of time. Good luck on your MCAT.
>>61928898 Tell your primary doctor. They're more than happy to assist. You have to be active in your treatment though. Go to the doctor often, check in on how you are doing and try different antidepressants if one doesn't work. I'm >>61928445, and believe me, antidepressants WORK. When you find the one that fits your issue and the parts of your mind that are specifically hit by the depression, the numbness melts away and you basically feel as peppy and healthy as a kid again. Things become more significant in ways you might have forgotten they could be. It's amazing, man, and you really need to get some of that in your life. Numbness is not fun, obviously, I've been there, but it doesn't have to be that way.
>>61928993 Thank you for the write up man. I've heard lots of different stuff about antidepressant, but I think it's time I gave them a try. I'm glad they are working for you and I hope you get better.
>>61928938 What the fuck, are you literally me? >tfw it's been 5 months and I still think of her every day Well at least I stopped wanting her back a few weeks after the breakup, but only now I feel like I'm actually starting to heal
>>61929062 If focus is an issue for you, like you can't read a sentence in a book and comprehend it without reading it multiple times, like your brain is jumbled up with a weird mental 'noise', ask about Wellbutrin. Whatever I had going on, that stuff is suppressing it completely. If sleep is a problem as well, ask for something that you can take before bed. Good sleep is probably the most important thing for your mental health. Since I started taking Wellbutrin in the morning and amitriptyline at night, I've actually been remembering dreams again and not feeling like going back to sleep when I wake up. You'll probably need something different as everyone's body is different, but if focusing on stuff is a big issue for you, definitely bring up Wellbutrin.
>>61929172 Not him but damn this post hit close to home. It literally takes me like 3 hours to read a chapter in a textbook and I don't remember any of it. It takes me hours to fall asleep each night too. Still though, I believe in mind over matter and I honestly think drugs are a scam and limit mental capacity.
>Kind of depressed and helpless, kind of hopeful? Idk.
My mom told me that she feels like a burden. She has done so much with little appreciation. My brother's doing OK, but he's been ignoring the family (which is no bueno since he's in the other side of the coubtry) esp mom, & my dad's been showing very little support for her endeavors over the years; it just wasn't until recently that I realized how bad it was. She & I were never close, but I'm learning more about her life story and how shitty my dad's side of the family are.
Our neighborhood have gotten worse over the years and so we've been looking for a new house. I want to help my folks, but it seems impossible w/my uni loans & my low paying job. I want to get my Master's someday soon.
It's upsetting that she doesn't believe that the U.S has a broken system that's working against us, esp people like her (immigrant) women of color). She seriously believes that she was born with bad luck.
Cant change the past, but I just want my family to live comfortably, in a safer neighborhood, a nicer home, & be a living example of the American Dream that my parents believed in.
>>61929249 Misconceptions abound about antidepressants, but if the mind reaches a certain point where it can't handle the matter, then the mind will shut down. I've taken three other antidepressants besides Wellbutrin and none of them worked right. All they did was make me unable to achieve orgasm, but I still felt sad and my mind was still full of this weird static hiss. I was about to hop on the misconception bandwagon until I was told by a clinician at my county mental health office that the trembling and shaking that was happening to me every night for the past three months was serious anxiety and depression, and I ended up going to the ER. Since then I've gotten a regular doctor and in the past two weeks I've rebounded out of that hole completely. I actually feel like keeping my room clean again. I actually feel like going outdoors because colors and lights just seem that much more intense, even with the gray clouds we've had for weeks. It's like being a new person, but you're still you. You feel like your real self, not an empty shell with that 'black holes in the sky' stare, it's really hard to describe other than it makes you feel like a kid again. Hell, it's even made weed a better experience.
>current feel going through writer's block trying to figure out how to finish the prologue to the story I'm writing until sunday and make it not feel rushed also having some wrist pains that are worrying me like hell because I'm afraid I won't be able to fight and/or play guitar/bass anymore otherwise feeling pretty chill
>>61929474 I don't know man. I'm reaching a strangely empowering level of apathy. I almost feel like I deserve this because at the end of the day I do. People couldn't pop pills back in the day to achieve artificial happiness so why should I? Just gonna cut out all my friends, drugs and alcohol, and only focus on school, work and self improvement and see what happens.
>>61929615 Back in the day, people couldn't pop pills to feel better so their families dumped them off at a state mental hospital where they lived their whole lives in a bed in a big ward with a bunch of other crazy people. The people who were lucky enough to not get dumped off at a mental hospital just tried to keep going the way they were going, and usually died early because depression actually takes years off your life. Antidepressants were developed for a reason. Not all pharmaceutical companies are evil as fuck. Some are, but not all.
>>61929491 Me too man. Me and this girl I know would talk all the time (texting) and hang out sometimes and we got pretty close. But now we bearly talk, she never really responds to most of my texts so I just stopped. Until like last week I didn't see her like in two months. I see her before I get to class but she's always with her boyfriend and trying to talk to her would be weird, I can't approach a friend when they are with someone I don't know. She probably rather talk to her boyfriend than me anyways. >current song Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Divison
>>61929743 Listen man I'm glad antidepressants helped you out, but I think it's dangerous to be advocating them so much on an impressionable board. Depression is just a state of mind that can in fact be mitigated or completely destroyed naturally. I'm certainly willing to admit I'm depressed, but I know that I'm the problem, and I can always fix myself.
>>61929899 You are 100% wrong though. "Natural" anything is bullshit and you're kind of sounding like you have a self-hate thing going on. You probably also need some therapy to find out what the root of that is. Just don't listen to any "natural" shit though. Holy shit, I can't stress that enough. Read some RationalWiki or something. Just please, take care of yourself with real things that actually WORK. Take some St. John's Wort maybe. It's "natural", but it is also an effective antidepressant for some people, and there is clinical, double blind tested evidence to back that up, unlike any homeopathic magnetic vibration fucking FUCK. FUCK. Please don't do any of that shit.
>>61930201 No. I seriously care about other people and don't want to see them hopping on some naturopath bullshit wagon. I won't chill as long as such nonsense goes on. In fact now that I'm out of the depression, I might just go full on James Randi and take on these shitty people selling shitty shit that does nothing for the people who take it, except drain their wallets.
>>61926661 >Teeth - Elvis Depressedly >I've come to the realization that I fake all my emotions. Not in an edgy "I'm a sociopath" way but in like a "help me my brain doesn't tell me what to feel and I'm really fucking scared" kind of way Help me ;_;
>>61930963 What the fuck are you talking about? Are you implying taking care of your medical issues will make you want to die? Are you fucking stupid? No, you're in the throes of a deep depression and YOU NEED HELP. So fucking GET SOME HELP, BITCH.
>>61931008 >I fake all my emotions I've felt like this for way too long, I ended up getting used to it. Nowadays I can't tell if I'm faking an emotion or if I'm really feeling it unless it's a strong emotion like love or anger.
I've run out of things that I enjoy doing. My life has just become repetition and im too lethargic to do anything about it or change anything. I dont know what im going to do tomorrow, Or any day after that really...
>>61931175 >>61931231 This is literally autism. Autism is where your brain doesn't send certain signals that it would send for neurotypical people. Seriously, get in contact with some resource for that in your state, or a doctor.
>>61931469 My brother is autistic. I don't know where I could get information that would use that exact wording, but I know that's what goes on for a lot of autistic people, at least based on the resources I've read about it on paper.
>>61930940 >>61930963 <-Not me >>61931053 I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder (yuck) and it's eating at me. I appreciate your concern anon, but I don't know if I can. I've been in and out of the mental hospital circuit (-1/10 would never go back again) for the last year or so. I'm not sure when, but probably sometime in the next week or so I'll end up doing it. I'm tired of disappointing my friends and family and all the usual depression shit so I might as well give this whole suicide thing a real go. I've already tried in the past six months three or four times and almost succeeded one of those times if someone hadn't found me after I overdosed. I don't know what the plan is, but I might just do it. Sorry anon, but if I'm not here, I'm really not impacting your life that much other than maybe the fact that I responded to your post.
>>61931764 You're killin' me, smalls. Please, call an ambulance or take yourself to the ER. The thing with mental hospitals is that they aren't for everyone. You don't really NEED a mental hospital to recover from a mental illness, if you're not that kind of person. Sometimes all it takes is medication. Maybe go to therapy, just to talk to someone about how you are feeling and learn ways to cope. The way you talk, you don't sound like someone I'd want to see do that. You sound like a good person and, regardless of anonymity, I do care. Call the suicide hotline. Please. 1 (800) 273-8255
>Whitaker - Embers Upon the Wind >cutting ties with a close friend/FWB b/c she can't handle me seeing others >prefer being friends with women but just end up sleeping with them and being an asshole >started seeing someone new and it feels pretty good >seeing an Angel Haze show tonight >going with an ex I've slept with on and off and she too might turn sour and spoil the evening >tfw I'm an emotionally disconnected man slut >tfw I don't even know >inb4 /r9k/ "normie" shit
been on and off with ex gf for 2 and a bit years, never had a chance to give it long enough to even start getting over her before i end up succumbing to retarded lonely feels and getting back into contact, whether it's my doing or her's.
broke up last time in october, for some stupid reason stayed two nights at her's being all couple-y 2 weeks ago and now back to square one again, starting to feel like i'll never be able to get over her but i'm glad to see it will eventually happen i just need to make it that long
>>61932345 I want to know this feel I'm the opposite How do I stop feeling so easily I don't even think what I'm feeling is love, just my brain trying to trick me into thinking I'm in love. I lose feelings with a chick after a week when I know their personality slightly more. Kill me family.
>>61926991 not the other reply, i take zoloft (doesn't do shit) and have no problem sleeping unless ive got some other drug keeping me up, but at that point weed and alcohol get me back to sleep. self medication is an option
>>61932662 I just want to be in love desu. With this girl I'm seeing I might actually have a chance to. She's cute, done tons of interesting stuff, and she's good in bed. Though being disconnected empathetically removes the immediate emotional pang of strong warm feelings, jealousy and sadness, it's slowly wearing me out. I'd rather be hurt than not feel anything.
>plz rec albums. been listening to pinkerton and brand new >girlfriend has been emotionally manipulating me so I told her we need to take a break until she gets everything figured out, I miss her and being without her is agony
>>61934227 >Modern Baseball - You're Gonna Miss It All >Maritime - Human Hearts >The Hotelier - Home, Like Noplace Is There >Say Anything - ...Is A Real Boy >Joyce Manor - Never Hungover Again >Free Throw - Those Days Are Gone >Moose Blood - I'll Keep You In Mind From Time To Time
>Samuel Barber - Adagio for strings. >In college studying for finals (final chance,if i screw up this year i'll have to go do a shitty job). Though i've had the average social contact of a general /b/ basement dweller in the last 3 weeks i somehow feel great because i keep having dreams about this girl i saw on the last local party before the finals started, even though she has no idea of my existence.
>>61934531 shit fampai we're in very similar situations. every fucking thing even if it has no reason to reminds me of my ex. you ever just get random places you've been popping into your head for no reason? i dunno what that is but i hope we both get over it soon.
hard thing to do is remember the bad stuff that prevented the relationship in the first place, but try to just think about that without forgetting the good that did come from it.
>>61934559 that sucks my dude im sorry to hear someone else is having to deal with this bullshit.
she was just really fucking damaged and confused and im the one who's ending up getting hurt for it. turns out the whole time we were seeing eachother she was trying to get over a girl she went out with for a fucking WEEK before she met me...like, what the fuck
>>61926881 You're me about a year ago. I have tried and failed to kill myself (painkillers & liQUOR), and that is the only regret that I now have in my life. It might not get better right away, but it will not always be this bad. My only suggestion is to talk to someone, anyone. Your posting in this thread shows that you're at least aware of your feelings, and you want to get better.
I feel kinda feel really dissappointed in this board right now, 4chan in general that is. I used to really have fun here, even on fucking /b/, but for some reason it seems like people got more egoistic and stereotypical around here. It is just not the feeling of fun and games anymore, just immense bitterness, especially with /pol/, /r9k/ and /lgbt/ leaking everywhere at the same time. Maybe it is just me who changed, but for me it seems like /mu/ did not change too much. I think I like this board here the most, because you guys seem like you do not take things too serious. Being on other boards than this one is just really depressing for me ironically, this here might be feels central, but the feels around here are not blank despair.
>travel a lot >Meet foreign girl >So many similarities >Enough differences to work with each other over and learn to better compromise while keeping us who we are >Eventually need to leave due to running out of money/visa time >Slowly talk less online >no other girl fits the same >Just makes you think of her >Your one message every day or two slowly spreads out due to other issues >Last message is her saying she still thinks of you the same >just months every night curled in bed, listening to sad love songs, wondering if you could pull off backpacking for months on end to find her or if you should just wait for another message any day now
>tfw hold my own hand in bed as if I'm holding hands with a girl >tfw circle my thumb on the back of the other hand as if it's a girl >tfw rub my foot up and down my calf as if it's a girl >tfw run my fingers up and down and through my chest hair as if it's a girl doing it >tfw whisper to myself in a feminine voice and reply in a deep whisper complaining jokingly to "her" that I'm tired and need to sleep >tfw lie in bed and pretend a qt girl is lying with her face towards mine and smiling at me >tfw fold up my bathrobe and put it between legs as if it's a girl's leg >tfw kiss empty air pretending I'm kissing a girl >tfw lie on my back and hold my arm out and then folded at a ninety degree angle to pretend I'm holding a girl who's lying against me >tfw go through each board on 4chan pretending I'm giving a tour to my girlfriend and giving her a humorous little summary about each one >tfw watching home videos on my laptop of my family and me as a kid and pretending a qt girl is sitting beside me saying "awww" and smiling and asking who the different people are >tfw walking home alone and pretending she's walking beside me and think up lengthy dialogue and occasionally laugh at something she or I said in the imagined dialogue >tfw imagine meeting her family and having them like me >tfw imagine her meeting my family and us sleeping and talking quietly in my room at home >tfw imagine her and my mom preparing coffee after dinner and watching her laugh at something my mom says >tfw imagine making her mom laugh and making her father a little annoyed when she and her mother tell him that he's probably boring me and that I probably want to get to bed after the long journey >tfw developing several lengthy scenarios involving me and my qt crush and replaying them mentally each night while adding minor details and more dialogue and extending them a little further each day
>Au Revoire Simone - Hand over Hand >Slightly intoxicated, sort of missing my ex. She was awesome, left me to go to college. She's in a relationship now but she tells me she misses me. I don't know what to feel.
the sound of my fan things are slightly getting better, but this lonelyness and boredom is killing me. I want to party, make friends, have fun..working and drinking myself to sleep is killing me. I need some change, some new scenery wiould be great.
>>61939154 I don't have to tip, and I usually choose not to unless I think the service I get is deserving of it. Only some white trash '86 honda accord driving wet dog smelling waitress bitches complain about not getting tipped. It's not a requirement .
>>61939232 not everyone has lived with their parents into their late twenties like you have and have to actually pay bills and eat. when you don't tip, it would be like me taking half of your paycheck.
>>61939310 >>61939356 Or you could just get a job at a fancy restaurant where you get $50 tips from tables. If he doesn't wanna tip, that's his dilemma. They'll just remember him and cum in his food the next time he shows up.
>>61939428 he's a fat 26 year old fuck up that still lives with his parents, works a shitty job, and is an alcoholic. he's a smart ass, abrasive, socially awkward dipshit and thinks it's cool. in the past year has made legitimate (so I think) attempts to better himself but time's against him as he's fucked up what should be the best years of his life. "IM GETTING BETTER NOW LOL", and everyone else is like "yeah, we had our fun, we partied, had a great time, now it's time for us to grow up and be functioning adults" and brandon's sitting there saying "WAIT UP, IM GETTING BETTER"
>>61940259 >are you really that fucked up socially? No. >have you tipped before? Yeah, usually when the foods great along with the service. A tip in my mind is something that should be earned kind of saying "hey, this place is great and you're pretty great too, and I appreciate it, here's your tip".
I have no real friends, and can't build up to confidence to talk to girls. I was excited about writing some new songs earlier but then I realised that I will probably never do anything with them. This album fucking kicks ass though, so I'm in a pretty good mood
>>61926661 >Viet Cong - Death >Completely alone. Absolutely no friends. My contacts list is literally just me and my mother, and she only answers my calls on major holidays and birthdays. I deleted my Facebook account due to lack of activity. I've resorted to Omegle and Chatous for human interaction. I don't want to end up like one of those helpless old people who crave company. Send help
I'm listening to The Idiot for the first time, don't know why i haven't listened to it before
>Stress, depression, loneliness >feel nervous and stressed because i've been called into questioning >feel nervous and stressed because i don't know how i'll survive the summer >feel nervous and stressed because I'n supposed to start writing my bachelor's degree and i don't know what to write about and i'm pretty sure i'll fuck it up >lonely and depressed because all my friends have moved away from here and i'm pretty sure they don't like me anymore >I'm tired of being alone but i'm also unable to let someone get close to me
>>61941506 iktf about writing songs. I guess you've just got to convince yourself it's ok to just do things for yourself, you know? >>61934575 iktf. I've actually managed to go a week without constantly eating shitty food but i'll probably fall back soon enough
>>61944014 Yeah it's really good, not at all what i expected either. I'll put it on the next time i'm going for a walk at night
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