i think this place is shit but you guys are the closest thing ive ever had to people who understand how i engage with the world, and i honestly appreciate the things that are said here bar shitposting.
It's gradually becoming more and more apparent to me of the incredible amount of things I've lost and missed the chance to have/to keep in my life that can be traced back as a result to my perfectionism.
>>61838190 im like you in that i simply took myself far too seriously growing up, and i just didnt get things done because i was afraid of peoples perception of my being changed. watch this, it might help you
A boy I think I fell in love with from another state is visiting his boyfriend in my state, and he wants to see me but I don't think I have the emotional strength to see them together. His BF is a friend of mine so it would make it even harder for me.
Besides that I don't have anything to get off my chest, that's just been eating me up for the last few days.
I fell for her too hard at a bad time. I'm going to sit here waiting for weeks or months waiting on her to make a decision. If she goes back to her ex, I know my depression will get worse. I can't forget the time we spent.
>>61838446 hm? i dont know u if thats what youre wondering, its just that during my weird 15-18 being-neurotic-about-shit phase i thought that some of the feelings that were manifesting themselves then were because of a number of things, and that at one point i thought it was cos i was trans.
it's not on youtube but i'm listening to the closing track on channel orange
long story made kinda short: two days ago, my friend brought me along to the movies. i was in my car, playing Forrest Gump while casually singing along, as i show up at his house, where for some reason, everyone's chilling on the lawn. i quickly realize they probably heard me singing, and prepare to get out of the car and pretend like nothing ever happened, when one of the girls out of nowhere opens the back-door, gets in, reaches between the seats, grabs my arm and immediately says "no. stop what you're doing." i turn around and i'm met with the most beautiful smile i've ever seen. before i even have the time to freak out she goes: "are you fucking kidding me? i'm like on the verge of crying right now!" the other guys go inside the house, but her and i just remain inside the car, hearing the song through, before eventually going inside. by that point, her and i already knew what was going down. and of course, we end up sitting next to each other at the movie theater, completely ignoring the movie.
it's not even 48 hours later. my life has flipped upside-down completely. this is the cutest, most beautiful person i have ever met and the only thing i'm thinking of is how on earth any of this happened.
>>61838078 >>61838036 I kinda get these feelings too and I think I'm bisexual but somehow suppressing it. I also get hallucinations when I close my eyes (not the hypnagogic kind, trust me I know the difference) and they're sometimes entertaining but sometimes creepy as fuck and I get paranoid pretty easily and I'm worried about my mental health.
Gf broke up with me a few weeks ago. Contacted her again to see how she was doing. Found out she's dating a guy already. Replied to me saying to go away and stop bothering her, or she'll call the police and tell her family. Past memories of our relationship are still present and I feel like I'm not overcoming.
>>61838737 >Replied to me saying to go away and stop bothering her, or she'll call the police and tell her family. Past memories of our relationship are still present and I feel like I'm not overcoming.
She probably wasn't the best person if she does that shit. Or its you being a creep. Anywhore, its good that you are not together anymore
im going nowhere as a person i have no motivation to do anything people always asked me what i wanted to do and i never had an answer still dwelling on stupid shit no one cares about from years ago nothing in common with anyone around me i feel like moving to america at age 8 ruined a lot of things i 8 i didnt fit in, i never did, i never had much in common with anyone and i obviously wasnt self aware i would piss my pants on purpose to just go home the only friends i had just used me to make fun of me at any chance to look cool video games and the internet were my parents and escape the older ive gotten the less i cared about everything, as soon as i discovered sites like this one i became jaded there might have been a chance to pull things together but now i just dont know i feel trapped i have no one but my family who is getting old and sick so i cant really go anywhere else the south of america might as well be hell
My roommate and I are finally gonna talk to our other roommate about all his bullshit. He doesn't take care of the kitchen. Just cooks and leaves everything out and lets the dishes just pile up. We don't even cook at home because of how disgusting. He's got an old, deaf dog that whines all the time and then pees all over the house. It's a tiny house we live in too and he decided to get a pool table that he doesn't even use and put it in the living room.
I think I am finally starting to accept the fact that I will never be in a relationship. I feel hollow inside and hopeless, but I'm not that sad. Just upset that I will miss out on one of the most integral parts of life.
I have no friends, never had a girlfriend and each new day I feel more unhappy. I'm scared this will end in a depression because some days already have been so bad, I felt like only moving in slow motion and everything was exhausting. I feel like a friend/friends who accept (I have huge self-esteem issues and feel like everybody always looks down on me) and motivates me (to do some more outgoing stuff) would solve all of my problems. The past few weeks have been especially bad because I've met some people that I really like (and actually don't look down on me at all) but I have no idea how to build some sort of relationship or friendship with them since I never learnt how to do it. Everytime I get motivated to do something to start a friendship with somebody my plan gets crushed shortly before because then my brain starts thinking "you are boring as fuck, why would anybody want to hang out/talk with you?". I see no way out of my situation in the near future.
I love this guy. We had a casual thing for a little bit but ended up breaking it off because he started fucking around with some slut at a halloween party and I was hurt and we talked and he wanted to stay casual while I wanted something more. Well I never got over him. A few nights ago I went over his place, ended up staying the night and sleeping together. And it was great. Not even the sex, just his company and being with him.
Well I know for a fact he's hooking up with his neighbor, we've fucking talked about it, and that was bugging me and I ended up kinda acting weird that night. He's still hooking up with her so I decided to have a talk with him and we decided that staying friends is probably the best course of action, considering how he's still scared of relationships.
I hate this. I can't get over him and him hooking up with some slut is definitely not helping my mental state. Fuck this shit.
I'm ridiculously tempted to cheat on my girlfriend who lives two states away. Not like, have a second relationship, just hook up with someone else a couple of time. I'm not going to, but I could do so very easily.
I think about killing myself every day and have the means to do so. I only don't because I feel like my daughter would miss me. But I haven't seen her in Almost a yr now because her mother won't let me, so I think she has forgotten me and wouldn't even know. I find the sentence "yes he actually killed himself" repeating in my head constantly and sporadically. Like some sort of psychosis. I set a time limit for myself a long time ago and the date is approaching soon, and it scares the fuck out of me. Nothing's gotten better, and I made myself a deal
>>61845530 being nothing is objectively worse than being what you are now. You are worth something, even if thats just a bit. you musn't give up on yourself or your daughter, you will be happy one day, and that is worth infinitely more than feeling bad now and gone forever
So there's this website called 7cupsoftea, where you anonymously chat to people, they listen to you, and help you cope with what's troubling you. They don't try and fix you, they just listen to you, and it's incredibly rewarding to visit there once in a while. Please people, if you can write your feelings to a bunch of anonymous cunts, you can write your feelings to a stranger who will, for at least 1-3 hours, care about how you are feeling.
I hope you all go there, talk it out, and one day will be happy.
Gf of two years went out with another guy to dinner because 'we were in a rough place.' She let me know nothing sexual happened and that she couldnt continue with the date because it wasn't me. Things were really great before I found out, but now whenever she goes to parties without me I worry somethings gonna go wrong. It seems like she's already moved on from our past troubles but it's hard for me to see past them. It just stinks now since we are best friends and definitely won't break up for a while, but she's way happier than me all the time, but we both are clinically depressed. Usually I'm better at coping with it than she is but now it's the opposite.
>>61843902 Dude who gives a fuck if it's original? Nothing is. Besides, just write even if it's just a shameless retelling of another story. I swear it'll help you improve your writing skills - and he'll you might come up with an original take on the story as you're writing it.
>>61848149 I used to be obsessed with porn too. I still watch it sometimes but nowhere near as much and always just to get off as quick as I can. For me I think it was just that I became so immune to it that there was really no point in watching it anymore.
Nature and Organisation - Tears for an Eastern Girl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3_ZINfdEPQ
I'm going to kill myself within the next couple months (my sister's pregnant, and I don't want the stress from my death to be a detriment to the baby) and am in general happier now that I've accepted it - I still feel kind of guilty when I think about my family's reaction though
Siberian Breaks by MGMT I think I am in love with this girl, despite her barely even knowing I exist . I tried so hard to get over her but I just cant. Also for some reason I feel like I am below everyone else. I just get in these fits of depression and wear a mask of humor and joy to prevent anyone from truly finding out who I am.
The engineering school i'm in ( it doesn't work like in the US ) has slowly killed every interest i had in working in science, engineering and anything related to companies and business and i fear that it destroyed even the global interest i have in science and math. I'm currently dropping out because it's ultimately boring and that i never got to work on something boring for an extended time. It's pretty ironic because the admission to those schools is after a selective ?contest ?exam over two years. I have no idea of what i'm going to do in my future. I'd kill myself if i had not my gf and my family and will do after a few months if i lose either, which will probably happen one day. I have enough musical talent to make music but not enough to make it great or innovative. I was a gifted child and i wasted most of it. If my family had educated me to music and not only to science i'd be a great drummer, i'll still try to become one but i'm so late. I know no one in the industry so i'll never get to live from anything related to music.
I have two very good friends who are absolutely amazing, nothing short of encouraging and supportive to me. I'd talked to them for months on Facebook, but I only met them for the first time in real life at my birthday party in July 2015, and I haven't met up with either of them since. However, I'm deathly terrified that I won't be able to meet them again before September of this year, by which time we'll probably all have gone off to seperate universities. (I might possibly be going to the same university as one of them, but I really don't know for sure yet.)
I'm dating a girl with depression but the fact that I also have depression makes me worried that we aren't compatible and possibly unable to have a healthy and supportive relationship despite the fact that I really like her a lot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHvsmwAYULo I think I'm actually getting close to killing myself. Normally I'm too much of a pussy but the barrage of shit has pushed me closer than ever. Thank you /mu/ for being there for me most of the time.
>>61850380 I am a very depressed person and I dated an insecure girl with extreme anxiety and depression issues as well. We actually met inside a hospital
I became extremely dependant on her, and she basically used me to feel better about herself and her insecurities. When things inevitably didnt work and we broke things off, I was left destroyed and feeling worse than ever before, and she went and immediately found another guy to fill that hole.
If I was your friend I would be extremely against you dating this girl, just speaking from personal experience
For me, vyvanse gives me tons of energy and confidence and it makes me want to go out and live my life and be productive and meet new people. However, if i'm sitting around doing nothing while on it I get super annoyed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJjyqLAW6bg I'm extremely worried that I'm not going to get into my top choice for college (don't worry, I'm 18), because my grades are utter shit. I'm really banking on my essay and SAT/ACT scores, but I'm not sure if it'll be enough.
>>61850669 Im this guy>>61850583 I kind of agree with you, I like it too. But for some reason vyvanse was less "fun" for me and I just got hyper-focused and didn't talk to anyone like I would on adderall or the big bad amphetamine that I won't mention by name. But you're right, drugs work different for everyone
I live with my best mate of 15 years and his girlfriend of 8 years, and I think she and I are slowly falling in love. Both of us would never act on it and those two will no doubt get married and she will get over it but I don't trust us getting drunk together anymore.
>>61851431 After 8 years people naturally start to have waning interest in what used to be a fiery new relationship. It's only natural that she would start to fantasize about other guys after that amount of time. She probably sees her current BF as boring and regular and you as new, exciting, and exotic
Never tell your fucking mate about any of this, don't even consider it dude. It's best to let this shit stay buried
So this girl and I were basically inseparable for all of christmas break. Talking, texting, and even skyping for four hours; it was something out of a dream for me and I really thought we had something going. Fast forward to the start of the new semester and we barely say a word to each other and the texting has become far and few between. Not wanting to lose her I did the pleb thing and straight up asked her if she liked me and she went on this whole diatribe how she's fwb with my dorm neighbor. Now i'm stuck laying awake at night in the dorm lobby because she always spends the night next door and the walls are so thin I hear her voice and its haunting. So basically I'm stuck in a romantic Telltale Heart.
>>61838078 Shit me too. Looking back I'm actually incredibly embarrassed though and wish I wouldn't have gone through that phase. But at the time I genuinely felt like I wanted to be a girl. All around weird year
>>61851714 >My friend has lung cancer that's metastasized in the bones
My dad had exactly that too and spread his brain also, it was very painful the doctors said that the cancer in the bone in his pelvis was calcifying and leaving calcium deposits on the brain, my dad had 4 months from diagnosis.
Your friend has my sympathies anon, it's an emotional rollercoaster.
>>61838504 yo i thought i was trans for a really long time too, came to terms that i was reflecting the culture i surrounded myself with and the queers and trans people i knew were actually fucking insane and mentally ill.
doing a lot better now i think.
you're not alone in this shit, people will probably try to invalidate you by saying that you're still trans or whatever but they're fucking psychos and you probably shouldn't listen to them.
I'm a lazy fuck in my first year of college, with no job and no idea of what I want my career to be. I hate being alone so much, but the funny thing is I'm too lazy to do anything but stay at home, and I've always had trouble talking with people so I feel out of place. Sometimes I feel like taking a break from college so I can figure out what I want to do with myself.
I have a box with a gun I don't even know how to use, locked by 7 locks. Every day that I would normally just snap and go postal, I turn a key. Every time something unbelievably good happens, I lock a key back. I'm currently 2 keys off from opening it.
I don't know if I'll kill myself, go on a spree, or pussy out and put it back; either way, it's nice to have.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShdX3tkflFE I love this whole album I've began to realize that I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I have lots of trouble talking to people and have no friends that I can talk to about personal things.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0iKZ7BNZPo i have no idea what i actually look like.i can't help but feel i'm terribly uly and malformed, but then i have people that say im qt. i don't know anymore. i feel like i've lost my grip on reality. i can't tell whats hyperbole or actuality when i look in the mirror. i don't know how to feel anymore. i had a guy say he'd fuck me today, and i didn't know how to respond properly.i just don't understand why anyone would find me attractive in any manner. i'm going mad and i can't tell if my telusions are just related do my own horrid visage, or if i see everything distorted. in short: i'm just a fucking delusional loser. >>61849294 >>61851624 you guys picked some of my favorite songs already, and iktf that you guys posted.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8UNecNMM50 I love a girl name Evangeline, but I may never see her again.
I always felt alone. I just never really cared until I spoke to her again, after 6 of the worst years of my life. That's when I realized just how important loving someone really is. Funnily enough, thinking of her those 6 years often kept me from killing myself...
>>61837817 Robbie Basho - Song of the Snowy Ranges https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaWgs7aZsPE
R, I don't want to love you anymore. As a friend, sure, but as boyfriend material, you're far from ideal, and not even close to good. Work on your fucking issues, man, don't just admit they're there. I'll always, ALWAYS be your friend, but stop dragging me along this way. I'm not one of the fuckbuddies and users you call friends, I'm more than that and everyone knows it.
I came back from college and really needed to see my best friends from high school because I don't know what I want to do but we had grown so apart that it was like talking to a completely different person. They used to be the only people I understood but know I don't know. I blame myself because I put them on a pedestal in my mind and my social skill have completely deteriorated over the last semester because all I do is post on /mu/ and watch tv on my laptop in my room
this whole album is one of my favs. Thanks mac demarco for bringing it to my attention! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKYHRpQWUwU
>>61852994 she was almost three. its just a dog in the end but when things felt like shit even if its coincidence shes seemed to know. she was the only one that greeted me when i got home as there is nobody else. id see her looking at me in the window everytime i got home.
ive had some mental issues. left my meds on the table, where i thought they were out of her reach. alls fine until in the afternoon she suddenly falls over unable to walk and starts making this yelping/screaming sound. i panick and drive her to the emeregency clinic but she was already almost dead when i got there. only after i got home i realized i dont remmeber the exact amount of pills i left on the table and there is a chance she ate one of them and died of it.
I think I'm starting to hate my best friend out of pure spite. When we first met in high school he was the home schooled kid who didn't have any friends until we both found out about or shared interests. I was his only friend. Immediately after high school I had already had a job, steady relationship, and comfortable housing situation while he dropout out, was single, and still living at home. After about a year or so I had gotten laid off while he had just gotten a job in a similar field but better paying and based off commission. After losing my job and running through savings eventually I had to move back into my parent's place, which severely strained my relationship with my girlfriend. At the same time, my friend had used all the money he was making to get a new place and was starting to date for the first time in his life. My girlfriend eventually broke up with me and I haven't been very social at all since. I always see my friend post pictures on social media out at bars with his co-worker and new friends having a great time. His social circle keeps getting bigger and mines smaller. I genuinely feel good that he's really successful and more outgoing/social than when I first met him, but I rarely ever meet with him irl anymore because I just get filled with immense jealously whenever I see his face. Sometimes I just wish I were dead.
>>61853329 Maybe try talking to him about it? If nothing else maybe try to get a new job or just hang around different places to see where you're comfortable. Also you shouldn't let where he he is put you down, try to climb back up.
dogs are important to all of us. my dog is something I love more than most people in my family :P
> i dont remember the exact amount of pills i left on the table and there is a chance she ate one of them and died of it.
im no therapist, and this might sound cliche as fuck, but what does it matter? you assigning blame is only harming yourself, when you're already hurting. there's no way for you to ever know whether or not your dog ate the pills causing her to be sick. it might sound corny as fuck, but instead of trying to fruitlessly assign blame you could remember the amazing times you had with your dog and what makes you love her.
i just had to kick my best friend out of my house because he couldnt pay rent or bills for the past month and a half and set me back a pretty penny because i had to cover him. He turned out be kind of a manipulative sociopath and it makes me sad.
Guys..Will I ever be with a sexy female ever again? I was a lucky guy (for you) and have hooke up with some of the sexiest chicks I've ever laid eyes on. I don't think it will happen again though, I just drink my pain into submission these days...... Someone hold me pls
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvzOfm0ZhS8 I don't know what im doing after highschool. I don't have a car, job, or even a license. I might just say fuck it and go into the army. Would have to lose weight though. I simply haven't planned my life right.
I think I'm becoming an alcoholic. I've been drinking almost everyday since my ex gf left me. When I dont drink (when I dont have any money to buy booze) I cry all night. And when I drink I feel worse when I wake up with a terrible hangover. I just wanted to forget her but I still love her with all my heart.
http://youtu.be/CBC1h2D9rgw I've thought about her every night before bed for the past year or so. I feel that i could get with her but I'm scared that deep down i like her too much too just have a friends with benefits situation going on. the only thing is that the commitment of a relationship terrifies me. it doesn't help that she's my best friends sister either
I got my first even compliment for a girl yesterday. it was on a younow stream and i guested for like 10 seconds and after i quit she smiled and said "..you're pretty cute anon, hit me up after this" it was infront of like 100 people. it felt really good, even though i was super embarrassed and made a fool of myself
she's a pretty famous youtuber with around 80,000 subs
>>61853847 It's not that simple bro. Im kinda ugly and just got lucky. I think I kinda just have this aura that attracts people but that only goes so far outside of your early 20's (which Im about to be leaving) oh well at least I have the memories. Thanks for trying anon :)
I feel like the few girls I've hooked up with are just people I've tricked into believing I'm interesting. Still a virgin and my happiness is completely contingent upon when I finally lose it. I would have hooked up with a beautiful girl months ago but I couldn't even get it up for my first time. Now it might be over and it's gonna be hard to I've with myself.
I broke up with my girlfriend and moved across the country for graduate school. I've contacted student organizations but they haven't written me back, and I'm just feeling really lonely. I haven't talked to anyone my age irl in three weeks.
Also I'm cutting weight and my lifts are going to shit because of it
I don't know about your exact situation, so all I can recommend to you is that friends help. If I hadn't met this amateur filmmaker at an internship I went to I would have given up on pursuing a screenwriting career. Just keep looking anon, there will be someone out there that can support your ideas and goals. Making it alone is fucking hard.
Here's a nice song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN0bTBt8oKs
>>61854261 yeah this, m8 I'm 22 and for the longest time i thought i was fucked up because i didnt feel like having sex with anyone yet i thought i was still a loser and that having sex was some crazy ass stepping stone into adulthood I just recently lost my virginity to a girl i really like (maybe love) and she treated me with so much respect and care. it ended up being awesome but it also didn't feel like i was any more of an adult than i already was. I realized you can grow up and do anything you want whether or not you have sex a bunch of times or with a bunch of people. It really felt natural. sorry for the long post, but this one kinda hit home
>>61854096 I drink to forget about her and our past. I drink to be in peace with myself you know? When I sober I only think about her and I dont get motivation to do anything. At least I do somethings when I'm drunk, like listen to music and eat.
Sophomore in college. I'm still a virgin because on the 5 separate occasions I've convinced a girl to sleep with me but I've been too drunk / nervous to get it up. I've ate out the girl on each occasion.
Over the past couple years I realized that I'm not cis, but the thing is I don't know what I am. I mean, I /think/ I'm genderfluid, but that might imply that my gender seems to change frequently, which it doesn't, It's just that there are long periods of time where I hate my body and wishing I didn't have it, and maybe like a day-long period where I'm comfortable in my own body. So long story short, I don't know what the fuck I am anymore.
Also, I've been wanting to hang myself for the last year now, but there's nowhere in my apartment to do it from.
>>61854485 i didn't lose my virginity until senior year of college. it truly doesnt matter. it helps to not pursue women in the hopes of sex. meet women that you like, take them on dates and shit. if you act like yourself, the ones that mean anything will take notice and like you. then it doesnt matter if you're a virgin. if they turn you away because you're a virgin, then they suck. who fuckin needs em.
There's a friend of mine I met a couple years back. We got along pretty well for the first year we met. Then during the second year, it came to light that they were severely mentally ill, Borderline Personality Disorder, Disassociative Personality Disorder, Depression, there was a lot on their plate. I always tried my best to be there for them, we talked a lot, and they trusted me. Time went by, and I hadn't seen them in a while, and so I talked to them, but they seemed pretty eager to not talk to me, and then one day, I was hanging out with them and a mutual friend, and all of the sudden they had a nervous breakdown. My friend calmed them down and we went home.
I asked my other friend about a week later if they were just generally uncomfortable around me. She said yes. Ever since then, I haven't talked to them or seen them around since. Ever since then, I keep thinking that this is probably my fault, and that I did something wrong to make them uncomfortable around me, and I've been feeling extremely guilty ever since.
I haven't talked to them in almost half a year now. It's probably for their own good. I don't even care if they hate me at this point, I just want them to be okay.
>>61854173 you got some good taste too senpai. iktf too. i've been holding on for years with this shit, but it's getting worse so it's time for new shit to distract lol. i'll be fine though. >>61854510 you are me from like 3 years ago. well, you're probably older than that, but anyway, do some more resaerch desu. if you go down my path of repression and get swole bruh,t hen you'll end up with my fuckin feels. (even though you prbobaly have the shit too right now) anywho, just research and order blockers if you got a dick senpai. worst thing that'll happen is you realize that it's something else and o off em. t. tranny
This song reminds me of all the good times we used to have back then before everything came crashing down and you decided to move on again. I'm so mad that you decided to make me believe this mirage you put up, acting like you wanted to be in my life again when really I was just your escape from something that had nothing to do with me. I really wish we could have started again but I know it won't happen. You're somewhere out there, having fun with whoever it is that you're with and I hope you understand the hurt you caused me. I just wish you nothing but the best and I wish you happiness even though you don't think the same for me.
>>61855189 I wouldn't do this if I had family to live for still. It doesn't really matter anyway - I'm not too broken up about it. This is what I want and I've given myself a good amount of time to prepare.
I think my partner of ~10 months is more into me than I am him, and while I love him, I hope he does manage to get a job overseas because I'm afraid to get too attached to him as part of me doubts I'm going to be satisfied in the long run
What's your favorite artist? Wait for that next album.
What's your favorite TV show? Watch it.
What subjects interest you? learn about them.
That's how I've coped with loss. I make myself busy and all the pain disappears. Life only has meaning if you give it one, so do that. You might find that your future will get pretty god-damn interesting if you set out to do that.
My girlfriend (of three years) and I broke up about five months ago because I was "too depressive of a person" because my Dad was dying around the time -- and now I'm watching as she's slowly starting to fuck my friends and acquaintances. I've liked the same girl since I was still dating my ex, and I think she likes me too, and I imagine singing this song while holding her, high on opiates. Let's die, /mu/.
>>61855714 I'm already set on this - there's really no changing it. I figure it would be more polite to not do it in my house. I'm looking at this more as a journey than just a death. I'm going to see the woman I love again soon. That's why I'm doing this.
Either way to all you anons talking about drinking problems, you have to find something that interests you. I guarantee you something does. If you can't think of anything, start searching. I started getting back into drumming and writing in a journal.
>>61855779 Well then, I'll just say this: I've felt the same way, though the woman I love is still alive. I understand you now, somehow more than people I know.
I love her more than I do myself, and I'm sure you feel the same way. I wouldn't want her to kill herself if I die before her. Then again, I don't believe in an afterlife, so I just see it as throwing her life away.
>>61855740 No I get that Im >>61842640 that poster I know the future is going to get very interesting (more interesting than you guys are even ready for imo)
But still I just hold too much pain within me to stop drinking. Some days I don't even feel like drinking but Im into the habit of not giving a fuck. I wish I still enjoyed cannabis because that's much better for you
The only reason I started going to college, working out, and eating right was to impress some girl I work with. She won't give me(or really anyone I work with) the time of day. I can;t really figure out why I am keeping this up she is like a 6/10 at best, but I still keep at it.
>>61855889 Her and I spent a lot of time goofing around, singing songs, playing guitars. We went on a road trip after senior year of high school for about a year. It was the best thing that ever happened to us. We both were very spiritual and tended to think about stuff like death a lot. The reason she killed herself, I assume, is because she was cut off of the antidepressants she'd been on for a while, and didn't have anyone to help her. She's always been kind of unstable, and so have I, to be fair. But I heard her calling me, asking me to come with her. So I am. Whether it was real or not doesn't concern me. Whatever happens, happens.
>>61855894 bullshit dude, you do all that hard work for yourself, and you cant bother to get out of your comfort zone and ask her out, jesus christ fuck you and all your excuses, just do it dont keep waiting for the "right moment" fuck,
I think I might be bisexual, but I don't want to have sex with either gender. I keep getting pressured to get into a relationship or have sex by my friends, but the idea sounds like a waste of time and energy.
well..theres this girl i work with, already confessed my feelings for her and asked her out, she has a bf tho, she still plays with me which is what i dont get, doesnt she know my feelings will keep getting the best of me? anyways shes pretty and has a personallity, it sucks seeing that everyday...
>>61854563 >if they turn you away because you're a virgin, then they suck. who fuckin needs em. This. Holy shit, this. I can understand if women would be a little concerned if I was a virgin at my age, but if that's a total deal breaker for her with guys without even hearing them out about their particular circumstances and how they got there, etc, that shows a level of vanity and superficiality that you do not need in your life. You don't need it. It can hurt like a motherfucker I'm sure, but it only does you a favor in the long run of not spending too much time with women like that.
I've got a hint for you. If you're in your early 20s and you're still a virgin, most women won't care. Not enough for that to be a deal breaker anyway. Some even think it's cute and get off at the idea of popping your cherry. That's something you should be excited about.
>>61856110 you sound like your smarter and more thoughtful then your "friends" dont be pressured into relationships, its better when it naturally flows when you like someone and things build up, i'd say
then again do whatver you want or ppl tell you to do.
>>61855977 I try talking to her when I see her. She blows me off or gives me 1-3 word answers every time. I know she doesn't like me already and have somewhat come to terms with that. I just guess I keep going because of what >>61856092 said. I am at this point doing it for myself.
>>61856535 Nigga Imma tell you some shit. I had a client and she was super cute, like you look at your niggas and be like "I wanna cuddle her, straight up," and they just nod, cause they want to too. I wasn't gonna fuck with that though, because she's a client and I'm a PROFESSIONAL.
Welp, last day together, I'm changing companies, we discuss business like always, but she's getting more personal, talking about her dreams and her ex-fiancee, family, everything. I keep it going, not even thinking that she's hinting. When she steps out to the car, though, my boss is all "You're a fucking fool if you don't ask her out." So I did.
She said yes. Absolutely. I called her a few days later, we talked like we had known each other forever. I set a date at the Indian restaurant in town. She had been there before. She loved it.
Shit is perfect.
The day before the date, I get a text from her. As soon as I saw her name, I knew it couldn't be good. "I'm sorry, but I will have to pass on the dinner. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry."
Of course, the first thing I go over is "what the fuck did I do wrong?" I send her a text telling her that it's no problem, and if she ever changes her mind, just let me know. I knew it wasn't gonna happen, but again, I'm a fucking smooth operator, Sade style. It's a bitch of a game when you make all the right moves and still lose.
Shit happens and it's life, little nigga. Just keep pushing on. Telling you that it gets better doesn't do anything for you right now, so I won't do that. But I will tell you to keep moving.
>>61856833 For real dude. I've had so many exchanges that seemed to go so right and then have it fade into nothing. Having said that, I've never regretted that outcome. You know what I do regret? Missed opportunities. It's so much better to know, for better or for worse, than to wonder what could have been.
I've no intention of ever telling my parents I'm gay because my Dad will be crushed and hate me. I also think I probs have an addictive personality because my drinking and smoking habits are getting much worse but I can't bring myself to do anything about it.
Got an embarrassing fetish called autogynephilia that I've had for as long as I can remember, I didn't acquire it from the internet. The problem is that it is literally the only thing that turns me on, no matter what I try. I have no desire to act on the fetish or because I know how ridiculous I'd look, and I have no interest in sex with other people. A naked woman makes me feel nothing, all of my sexual desires are directed entirely inwards despite still being able to fall in love with girls, which means any relationship I end up in will either culminate with me telling them about the fetish or me just refusing sex (which I imagine would be a deal breaker for most relationships). Because of all this I've decided to stop pursuing girls altogether. It's been 5 years since I had a gf, my friends all think I'm weird and probably gay because of it, and I think it's time for me to stop pretending I don't feel a bit lonely.
I can't get off heroin despite trying to go clean 3 times now. My friends and family all believe I've finally gone clean, but I just recently started using again and I don't want to ask for help because everyone will lose trust in me.
>>61857134 I have those /can'tgetoffopiates/ feels, as well, anon. I curse the beautiful, numbing euphoria that keeps me, and I get locked in thoughts of thinking that I won't ever be happy without them. It's fucked. I associate way too many memories with opiates, and even feel like I can't do certain tasks without them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6e5vnJcRYo I'm afraid I'm never going to be able to get a girlfriend. Which means it's even less likely that I'll ever get married and have kids. My friends wonder what's wrong with me because I'm still a virgin. I think there's a real possibility that I'll be alone for the rest of my life.
>>61857134 Sometimes it takes 4 times, sometimes more. Tell them now so you can get some help. You are not a failure.
>>61857552 Turned on by imagining oneself as a woman. It's hard to explain and I have no idea how it started. I'm not trans and I don't experience dysphoria of any kind from being a man, I quite like it, but for some reason the idea of being (or preferably, being turned into) a female gets me going.
>>61856833 >>61856901 This. For the guys here who are fumbling over whether or not they should talk to a woman that they know, just keep in mind that time and time again men say their biggest regrets in life were the times they didn't take an opportunity when they had it and all the time they wasted "waiting for the right moment." Every bit of that is true.
Getting rejected hurts, but only about a tenth as much as never asking and wondering what might have been for the next several years. At least with rejection there's closure.
>>61857473 >My friends wonder what's wrong with me because I'm still a virgin. I think there's a real possibility that I'll be alone for the rest of my life. Man, was I there. I was there and it was awful. Fortunately most people find out eventually that they were worrying over nothing.
>>61857690 I'm not interested in getting to know anyone else that's into this to be honest. I can't help what I'm turned on by but I still understand the reality of it, if I ever find myself roleplaying with men in dresses on internet forums to jack off that's a sign to kill myself.
I don't act on any of this stuff by the way, I have no desire for even occasional cross dressing.
>>61857745 I have a feeling you live in a somewhat rual area...I may be wrong though You shouldn't be ashamed though....I'm a mostly straight up straight guy but I've been almost/kind of attracted to sexually attracted to males I had a deep emotional connection with If you live in a city it's possible you could find someone who understands you
>>61857800 I can see why you think I'm some offshoot of the gay homophobe in denial cliche or something but I'd be fine with it if I was gay. What with my lack of sexual attraction to men and women I judge their aesthetics pretty equally, I can admit a guy is hot etc
I live in a city, I'm just not sure I even want to find someone who knows that about me, I could never think of us as on equal footing if someone knew that. I'd rather go around saying I was asexual (and in the sense that I'm not sexually attracted to any men or woman, I guess I am) and look for an asexual gf or something.
>>61857911 I'm sorry wasn't trying to judge you I was just trying to let you know Im a little skewed in my sexual relations too I don't know what to tell you though bro. It seems like you kinda got your mind made up. I hope you do find the one you can unload on and let all your weirdness and sexual frustration out on It feels good man
I feel like I'll never amount to anything. I've never had an actual girlfriend locally, they've all been long distance and they've all cheated on me. Every girl that's expressed interest in me locally has said "Oh, I really like you, but I like someone else". My grades are slipping and I can't sleep. I'm struggling with digestive issues and am in and out of the doctor's office constantly. I'm scared to death of my depression returning. Suicidal thoughts are starting to return and I just can't take it anymore.
https://youtu.be/qP6ibr8rfRk I used to be clueless when it came to girls, and I lost some really hot chick that clearly wanted my dick because I was too autistic to do the things I know to do now. It's too late to do that shit now.
every day one of my friends comes visits me and checks up on me because I'm pretty ill and have trouble leaving the house. he's really sweet and nice to me but I feel like i'm bothering him just by existing. idk why he does it i don't understand. i love him so much but he thinks that i'm straight. im so awkward and i dont know what to do.even when hes here he just talks to me i barely even say anything. its nice though. hes really great.
>>61853726 basically anon showed up to a place with friends and people he didn't know while listening to a band or song called Forrest Gump (i assume) and before he could turn it off after pulling up some qt girl he didn't know go into the back of his car and stopped him so she could listen to it because she liked it as well and then they spent the rest of the night talking and anon is a very lucky guy basically
>>61853955 drinking to get over something that makes you sad is the worst possible idea. alcohol is a depressant and as that suggests, it's going to make you sad. the first night you drink you'll wake up the next morning a little sad, and if you don't let the alcohol leave your system (at least 2-3 days), you'll just snowball it into pure sadness which will never leave until you stop drinking.
the hardest part of not drinking is the first 2 weeks. currently doing dry january so i can attest to this, but after that it seems to level out and you start to miss it less as you forget about it and your natural emotions and brain chemicals level out and you return to normal.
currently getting over gf as well so don't get me wrong, it won't make you happy, it'll just stop you from getting more and more sad, but you have to stop drinking (at least every day, make it on weekends or something), or you just won't get better. you'll get over her eventually, but you'll still be sad as fuck when you do because of all the alcohol.
try to spend your money on other things so you aren't able to buy alcohol and just push through it my friend, it's more than worth it, it's just hard as fuck
When I was 14 years old my dog of 8 years got cancer. She was too sick to eat and had trouble even walking. My parents refused to pay 300 dollars to put her down professionally so they tried to kill her by feeding her a bunch of pain meds but It didn't work. That night she was howling in pain for hours. I had made a batch of chloroform just in case it came to it and that night I used it to knock her out before I strangled her. I had to leave her there so the next morning my parents would find her and think she died in her sleep. No one to this day knows about it.
I constantly feel apathetic about everything, interacting with other people and doing stuff by myself. Because of this I find myself becoming more of a social recluse day by day as I don't wish other people to have to suffer through my apathy.
My life has quickly been a downward spiral of failures, mom died, dad went to live with his girlfriend, spent chrismas and new year alone I got a steady job, at least that's what's keeping me from going broke or mental. I am just sad for the way things turned out
When you're depressed, you feel it after brief moments of happiness. Maybe you saw something funny on 4chan. Maybe someone texted you for once. Then that happiness is ripped away from you. You forgot what you were excited about. You realize normal people are happy because they get excited about their future. But you think about your future and see nothing - not sadness - just the same shit. You'd rather be sad. You wish you could cry but you just can't. In the little conversation you have, you dwell on the negative because it's cathartic, not because you're actually concerned with the negative situation you brought up. You could care less. Apathy is your default setting. The other person pretends to care, and maybe he does, but you're only burdening him with your problems. You wish you could tell the person that you really don't give a shit and you're talking just to talk - living just to live. You don't understand how this person defaults to positivity, and why you're not connecting with this person. You just spoke from the heart. He should be drawn to that, right? You were brought up to be an empathetic person. It's been your downfall. You wish people told you about their problems. You'd like it more than a fun story about barhopping last weekend. It's your area of expertise. You'd have a lot to say about it. If only. If only you could talk about how everything is meaningless you'd be happy.
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