I'm probably going to kill myself too, The Ape of Naples has been a favorite of mine, check Coil out OP, beautiful music. There's no sympathy for people like us in this world, we're weak and defective. Sometimes others will even let us know how worthless we are, even our own families.
>>61494806 Death isn't the end though. If you kill yourself you may very well may end up needing to spend a long time fixing the problems yourself after you die. Life is not working right for me and a whole lot of other people but our lives in reality were made for us to overcome our issues.
>>61495375 Our lives weren't made for us. Who would contemplate suicide and also believe in an afterlife? Why even believe in an afterlife? what evidence of any spiritual or paranormal interaction actually exists?
I listened to this right before I tried doing it last year. It's not particularly depressing, but I always thought there's something really "final" about it, especially the last few minutes, but I can't put my finger on it why. It fits a lot too, considering it's the closing album they played during their last ever concert, with the lead singer bursting into tears at the end knowing it would be his last before dying. The album is 98.12.28 男達の別れ, you should really listen to it.
Alternatively, don't kill yourself, try to get better and listen to Ágætis byrjun. It's icelandic for "A good beginning" so that's pretty spot on I guess. It was the first album I listened to when I woke up the day after attempting. Can't say it helped me get better, but those were the best 72 minutes in my entire life. Oh and don't try hanging yourself. It sucks, a lot.
>>61495396 I just had a breakdown earlier, my sister said some fucked up things to me when I was making coffee, she basically let me know that I was worthless because I'm depressed and stay in my room all the time. I punched through a popcorn container and fucked up my fist, I cleaned up the mess though. Pathetic really, also music
>>61495789 Experiencing the beauty in this world is what's going to save me, probably why I never offed myself yet. I want to travel and also get into more outdoorsy activities like hiking. Another problem is I dropped out of school and have absolutely no friends near me.
You'll never know if it gets better if you kill yourself? You have to ask yourself what is the main reason you want to end living and no matter what the reasons are you can do something to change how things are even by a little
>>61496005 but that's not a qualitative difference, I mean I hate myself most of the time, and most of what surrounds me, maybe you do it more often but idk man, there has to be more to it... What do you expect to happen after you kill yourself?
>>61495788 It's basically a combination of my life being fucked beyond repair and me being a huge loser and a terrible person. I'm 23 and a massive stereotypical neet, I live at my parents, only leave the house every few months because of emergency reasons, college dropout with literally no skills whatsoever, and also afraid of people, talking to them and the outside in general, so it's not like I could get and keep even a minimum wage job since I can't really function properly in the first place. I know literally nobody apart from my parents who hate me, and it's been more than 5 years since I've been genuinely happy about anything, be it a videogame, taste of food, whatever. I'm so far in the shit I got to the point where I don't feel sympathy for anything or anyone anymore, only loathing. In terms of getting better, I can't do it by myself, and I don't have anyone to help me. And even if I had, I would most likely turn them away or hurt them. It's basically a losing battle, with only one possible ending, and it's only a matter of time before I do it, because I see no possible way this is ever going to work. If I could go back in time and change anything, I'd go to the day I actually had the courage to kill myself, only this time not be a coward.
>>61496479 I was in a pretty similar situation to you about a year ago. I had graduated with a shit-useless degree and no job prospects, living with my parents working at a fucking manual labour job which sucked all the energy out of me by the end of every day. I wasn't hanging out with anybody and sleeping like 14 hours a night.
I figured I was going to end up offing myself eventually, so I quit my job and applied to the military. So far it's been the best decision of my life. Still get depressed here and there, but holy fuck actually having something I can commit myself to is such a game changer,
I'm not advising you do the same thing I did, but I can't speak highly enough towards actually finding that something you can throw yourself wholeheartedly into, and getting yourself out of that spiral of thinking how shitty life is, useless you are, etc.
Point is, you can change your temporary situation, and looking back at it, suicide is literally the worst solution to doing so.
>>61497080 Not nagging or judging, just offering an opinion from someone who's in a similar boat. Try to live week by week. And by live, I mean "live!" If you're at the point where killing yourself is on the table (and I'm not discounting that out of hand -- it's an option for anyone with blood and a beating heart), give yourself one single week to be everything you hate in this world. Be the guy who propositions girls way out of his supposed league. Be the guy who applies for jobs well out of his comfort zone. Step over everyone to get what you want. Live for yourself and fuck everyone else. Be the guy who tells everyone to fuck themselves and starts over. Thing is, If you have nothing to live for, you also have nothing to lose. Death is here for you today or in a week or a month from now, so you might as well go crazy until you know, definitively, you're out of options. So take a week, try your hardest to live without regard for yourself and your so-called failings. If you fail again in a week, you're no farther behind than you are right now. But at least give yourself a chance to self-destruct.
>>61497208 Yeah, I get what you mean. I hate those kinds of posts too, but the anon asked and I felt particularly shitty and had nothing better to do than write a long ass post. Also that's not how attention whores work. I didn't expect any sympathetic replies since the thread is apparently full of other people like this. If I wanted attention I'd go on social media and do this shit, especially not 4chan where I'd probably only get replies like yours.
And age doesn't matter beyond highschool since that's when you basically have the chance to decide your future. If you fuck up, there's a big chance you're gonna spend all your life doing shit you don't like. At this point there's no difference between 20 and 40, apart from the literal age gap.
You clearly don't know what you're talking about and you're probably underage or somehow you hate yourself even more than I hate myself.
>>61497820 Try it. You're in an enviable position: you literally have nothing to lose. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work -- but you gave it everything you had. You exhausted every reserve. Good luck anon.
no ones gonna miss you. or at least not that long worth mentioning. maybe they'll think about you here and than but do you think their thoughts would be positive? don't think so. and even if, who the fuck cares? fuck them, why make your decision about your death depend of someone else? it doesn't make sense. life is worthless and the only think you'd get out of it is pain and suffering. end it as soon as you can. see ya there
depression always stays with you in some way. only solution to our biggest problem, called life, is suicide. listen to some katatonia for example. songs like day, journey through pressure, deadhouse, tonights music, gone, quiet world, i am nothing etc heard in loop will put you in the right mood.
>>61494806 >>61494994 About a year ago a good friend of mine killed himself and I never knew how much losing someone I cared for would hurt. Just talk to someone who cares for you, it might show you that it's not going to be like this forever.
>>61502245 Yeah well I have managed to push away my closest friend when he's one of the only people who use to care and we used to spend time together constantly which was a great distraction and one of the few things that genuinely made me happy. But now he seems to not give a shit and ignores me because his life's going fucking great and apparently it's been too long and he can't deal with me any more and I'm 'dragging him down' so I'm fucking lost because becoming friends with him was literally the only positive I got out of last year and there's no fucking point if I lose my closest and most important friendship. Fuck
suicide isn't relief, it's disappearance, you won't exist anymore. It isn't even "other people would be better off without me", the importance you place on these other people or relationships dissapears as well.
think about this, VERY deeply about this. what i'm saying sounds obvious but theres things i can't explain. Really understand the implications of not existing. If you do successfully you will be unable to kill yourself, completely unable. Even if you want to you will be unable. There is things more important than happiness at least internally.
>>61503128 have you ever considered the prospect of a suicidal or depressed person not wanting to try new things, or not seeing any point to moving to a different continent.
it's funny you see this advice every time, and the person almost always thinks they are saying something new. "don't do it" is honestly better advice than what you are saying. At least that doesn't remind them of how dysfunctional they are compared to everyone else.
>>61503128 >Pretty pathetic >Implying severely depressed people haven't tried everything in their power to feel differently
Not helpful at all. The truth is, for some people depression is bigger than them, it's totally in control. It completely overrides their mind and sucks any positive emotions so that only pain and stress and fear remain. At that point, 'trying something new' makes no difference at all, and likely only increases anxiety and distress for the person. You have to find a real, medical solution in order to start feeling more hopeful in the first place, BEFORE you can even think about trying something new or experiencing things again. It sometimes is genuinely out of an individuals control. Just because it affects your mind, it doesn't mean you have any mastery over it.
>>61503631 Unable? Non existence would be a release from this existences pressures, the thing is it's inevitable from all paths, so you might as well play the game while it's going on ya know? But overall this life is just a temporary illusion, full of beautiful things and suffering, who knows maybe what's behind the curtains are just more curtains
>>61503907 if you choose to believe behind the curtains are more curtains than of course you will be able because you don't have it set in your mind that you will actually disappear. you still are deluding yourself into thinking death isn't death.
I don't know why but I've always thought I'd stab myself if I wanted to end it. I know it's more painful and there's a chance of missing but it seems so much more preferable. I'd get as much money as I could and buy a really really nice sword, a gladius, arming sword, whatever. But it would have to be from Albion or a really high end seller. And I would just do some research to make sure I pierce the heart, then I'd mark my chest with an X, then do it. I know somebody will post a fedora or something stupid, but it just seems more honorable and dignified, I wouldn't want someone to see me with half a head, or dangling from the ceiling.
>>61504063 Pretty much, as much as it can hurt sometimes you will always be able to find new friends too. Just like music, the good bands become memes and die off, you just have to see what's going on with new music, and the new memes will always be funneh laughs
>>61504059 it doesn't matter if you know or not. people massively over value the chance of something good happening (can't phrase this better right now), for example a lottery. we all say we know the chances are impossible but partake in things anyway subconciously or sometimes conciously believing we will win.
now im not saying the chances of death not being the end are as small as winning the lottery. im saying that by believing you will not completely and utterly be destroyed on death you are effectively believing you are invincible and are going to behave as such by doing things such as killing yourself to escape pain.
some warlords have told their soldiers that they are invincible usually after taking some magic supplement or peforming a ritual. im convinced we are as a whole being conditioned in a similar manner. every single person i talk to always says this whole "I don't want to live forever, itd get boring after awhile", or "id rather live a short happy life then a long miserable one". its such a common statement its unbelievable. at first i thought they were just saying that to sound interesting, i used to do the same thing. i thought they didnt actually believe it maybe like i never really thought about what i was saying. but they do, society has been conditioning all of us. we are going to be living in a "brave new world" soon.
honestly man it's difficult. i think about suicide so often, and i feel like it would be so fucking easy to not be alive it's just comforting as shit to imagine. but like when i'm inebriated or on medication i don't feel that way, so it seems like just a temporary state of mind.
it's just so fucking difficult. but the number 1 thing preventing me is just my mom and dad. i can't imagine how my mom and dad would feel, it would be so horrible for them. so i have to just struggle so hard through it all. it sucks kind of man but everyone's in it together i guess. or at least we are
>>61504213 Oh god no! I don't ACTUALLY WANT to kill myself, I was just saying that's how I'd do it. My cousin shot himself in the head and it just depresses me to think about a family or friend finding you in a state like that, on the other hand, if you've got a sweet sword sticking out of you and your heart exploded leaving blood everywhere, my first thought would be "wow this guy's metal as fuck". I'm just a huge nerd for swords and everything medieval, I've got my whole life ahead of me and nothing real to worry about. I do get existentialist and depressed very often but it passes quickly, and who doesn't question their existence sometimes? I really appreciate the concern though.
>>61504242 I do agree with some of what you're saying, but you're also overestimating non existence as something worse than it is, when it would simply be nothing. I do agree that you shouldn't gamble with your life at the belief that you're an infinite experience, as this existence might just be a rare gift
>>61504480 becoming non existent after it has happened is not scary. but the idea of it happening would be for most the most terrible thing. it would be the loss of every single thing they value. the world keeps spinning without you, but not the world you know.
its also instinctively frightening, ants likely don't place too much value on anything but fear for their lives to a degree. its probably not frightening for a rock though.
>>61504670 >>61504707 it doesnt scare you at all to think about how youll never see anybody you love again? thats the only thing holding me from suicide. its just so uncertain what will happen when you die, i cant do it.
>>61504966 i dont really care to no. ultimately its just my brain justifying a reason for not killing myself. if i saw it as a rational thing to do id be dead right now. we all would actually, the rationalization for OP is that he will do it later, or needs to find the right music or something. mine is some plot against me.
but keep in mind its not that we need to find a reason to live, we need to make one up to explain why we keep on living. i would live regardless its just that my rational brain wouldnt have an explanation. technically i should be agreeing with all of you that suicide is a good idea because it could decrease competition but im not a heartless sociopath and the gain would be so so so so so so so small smaller than grain of sand even if i was.
>>61504966 It's kind of obvious what he means, at least to me. Basically the masses are being programmed into becoming so jaded they don't value their lives, thus are more willing to die over nothing and can be used by the elites
>>61494806 You've been told there's a way out your entire life.
Picked on at school? Tell the teacher. Asshole parents? Move out at 18. Bad relationship? Break up.
What they don't tell you is that the thing that's been gnawing at you the whole time, the distance you feel from everyone, isn't going anywhere. You're older, duller, more desperate, and the only thing you've kept from your youth is this knife in your side that you wish would only hurt less, or more even, just anyway other than the way it is.
Stare the pain in the face. Blink. Turn away out of fear. Shirk, hide, and cower, too, whatever you must, but then turn right back into the face of it. You will get stronger through sheer persistence. You will see that things, people, and situations don't guarantee the good life; only strength does.
There was never anything in this universe but you and your courage, anon.
>>61505212 Yeah this is true. It's like this: Imagine you have a knife stuck in you, and it's causing you unbearable pain. You try your hardest to pull it out, but no matter how hard you pull, it doesn't budge. In fact, it slowly digs deeper and deeper. So you try and sort of become accustomed to it somehow, you try and become used to the pain and work around it. But as time progresses, one day it just digs too deep. You can't move any more, you can't function. And there's no way it'll come out. You're only choice is to push it in all the way and end the suffering.
That's why depression is like, and that's why people kill themselves.
>>61505365 That's half the story. The other half is that if you let the knife sit there and think about it, you'll find you can manage to live with a knife inside you. You learn it doesn't matter that no one around you will ever know what it's like to have a knife sticking out of their ribcage, cutting internal organs with every abrupt movement. No matter how deep the knife gets, you'll always be stronger.
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