post you're feels /mu/, both music related and not
>middle of second week of college
>tfw still no friends
>people don't talk to you, even seems like they try to avoid looking
>joining a club and trying to work at the radio station with the hopes of making friends
>tfw no qt punk rock girl to be friends with and secretly lust after
How are you feeling /mu/?
>ex gf is dating another guy
>she said she didn't want to be in a relationship at this point in her life
time for a rageful alcohol and chainsmoking fueled weekend. just in time for the $2 cig tax. Thanks fuckadelphia
It's only the second week of college OP, lots of things are going to happen you just have to wait.
>Increasingly lonely everyday
>Glad I exited the relationship I was in but miss having someone to talk to
>I realize that I don't have any feelings anymore for my ex but I just want someone to be there with me and cuddle and do stupid shit with.
Inb4 not music related
>ex gf left me out of the blue
>long distance relationship so i couldn't find out what happened
>today she texted me asking if i fucking googled her
>said "yeah because you disappeared"
>she thinks I posted her nudes on /b/
>she called the cops on me
>waiting for police to come arrest me for something or other
Listening to Th' Faith Healers - Lido
>people avoid talking
Nigga thats ur generation. U freshman get more socially retarded every year. All the dudes your age I know do nothing but play league ol pokey mans all day and can't fucking remotely carry on conversations about music, politics, history, art, or culture. I feel bad for the women. You niggas is boring.
>qt punk rocker
Nigga u in tha real world now. Bitches stop rebelling and start conforming and looking for a meal ticket.
thanks anon, you give me hope, I hope you find your someone to cuddle with
Sounds like bullshit to deal with man, my condolences. I mean, can you easily prove that you didn't leak the photos? Or more importantly, would that even be a crime if she willingly sent them to you?
>things looking up
>feeling good about myself and my future for the first time in my life
>yesterday at one point i was having a great day, finished work, was playing music, received good news
>despite this, later on i felt inexplicably irritable and angry, for no apparent reason whatsoever
>became a total shut-in with only one friend left in this shitty town
>although she is nice and honest, she's also busy most of the time with school and work and her other friends
>people i used to know are having the time of their lives
>they don't think about me anymore
>i still care
>drugs and making music can't ease the pain anymore
>i keep dreaming about nice things and wake up crying a lot because none of them are real or will be real
>contemplating suicide even though i haven't finished my magnum opus and i promised myself that i will before i quit
>i'm wasting my days sleeping 12 hours or more cause i can't stand being awake
>don't know how to ask for help
>frightened by most people
>starting to not feel anything
Listening to Kate Bush non-stop
I have no real way of proving it was or wasn't me that posted them. I was on /b/ that night but i didn't see them. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a crime if she sent them to me, but idk.
Yeah but I did buy train tickets to go see her, but never ended up going
It wasn't me. But I don't know how to prove that
You can do it man. Your magnum opus will take the world by storm.
>Find a gril you really get along with
>Hang out and it's really awkward but she doesn't mind and wants to hang out again.
>Been talking literally every day for a month.
>Feel worse than ever before because you're constantly worrying she's going to come to her senses and stop talking to you.
Stay away from girls, if I had kept on sitting around playing video games all day when I wasn't in class instead of trying to be normal I would still be happy.
>be an extremely shy but not bad looking kid my entire life
>walking home from class
>spot this sushi place inside one of the cafeterias I didn't know existed before
>person in front of me in line is small, qt 9/10 asian girl
>buy my food and start to leave
>notice her sitting by herself eating her sushi
>really want to ask to sit with her and talk to her
>panic and beta the fuck out of there and go back to my dorm to eat alone
How do I become less of a fucking beta /mu/? I'm going to keep going to that cafeteria everyday until I see her again.
>have a date with a qt american girl
>it went really well
>messaged her a couple of times but she never replied
>this was two weeks ago
>see girl you used to know who spent the two last weeks of school flirting with you but you never saw again in public sitting at a bench alone
>she makes eye contact
>your friends are with you and you can't leave to go speak to her
>look away after an eternal second
>hate myself for weeks
I can seriously relate to your story anon. Being alone is hard.
>Meet most qt qt I've ever seen
>We end up falling for each other
>late at night cuddling and watching a movie
>Feel pure pleasure and content deep in my chest
>Warmth like no other
>Feel the happiest I've ever felt
>tfw I wake up to my cold, dark, empty room.
Not even a joke. I had this dream two nights ago.
>go to uni
>make no friends
>get dumped by my long distance gf after first year
>she moves to the city that autumn to attend the uni across town
>get mugged halfway through second year
>fall into a deep depression
>spend my days playing video games and drinking
>think about hanging myself with the spare ethernet cable that's been lying on the floor all of third year
>just about scrape by and get a degree in the end
>move back home and spend all summer looking for a job
What do you mean you couldn't speak to her? You could have just told your friends you saw some one you knew and wanted to say hi. It's not like they would force you to stay by them.
I'm sorry but ya blew it
Even when I'm not "alone" every second is an agonizing wait for it to come to an end, like everything always does, which is even worse.
To OP and rest of you pathetic faggots.
Look at this video EVERY DAY, and act accordingly EVERY DAY. Also, you can try to meditate every day, it helped in my case.
You have no excuses for this shit, it wont be easy but you HAVE to force yourself. You're wasting your life for fucks sake.
Source: I'm a recovering social anxiety victim, and I am getting better
>tfw lost my virginity sophmore year of college to a stranger freshman girl at a party after learning to act alpha
>tfw she regretted it while I was attempting to bang doggy and she left
>tfw she said she couldnt believe she was having sex with a stranger
>tfw i cant accurately remember her face
>tfw i texted her and no responce :(
I'm so fucking glad you got your degree. You more than deserved it.
>tfw negative self talk has become part of my life and I have accepted that I am a piece of shit even though logically I'm not
>tfw people always tell me they like me but I don't know why
>tfw you and this qt at uni get along really well, but you being a semi-aspie and her just breaking up with her bf (whom she might not be over) and seemingly being a bit emotionally unstable atm makes you question if there's really something there.
To make it /mu/ relevant, I've been listening to a good amount of Black Metal lately.
i feel that. it's really hard to be nice to ourselves sometimes. i havent quite figured out how to get better other than just trying to stop myself when im feeling insecure about something i know perfectly well im fine at.
>gfs very distant lately
>still have plans to move in with her soon
>can't tell if she is overloaded with work or procrastinating a breakup
it's only been a week, she'll probably lighten up soon
>worrying she's going to come to her senses
Under "Therapy" - The most effective technique to overcome impostor syndrome is to simply recognize that it exists.
Just believe in yourself anon, and recognize that your feels are irrational. Please. I want to believe you can make it through this.
>it's only been a week, she'll probably lighten up soon.
>tfw had a dream last night about being a kid again around christmas time
>remembering how cozy warm my house was with the gas stove going
>mom always was baking something while christmas music played softly
>friends would come over during christmas break and we'd go out and play in the snow
>school was so fucking easy
>life was simpler
>I was happier
>I didn't have to scrape by to pay my rent
>tfw get shitfaced every night now
Are you me?
>tfw at an Ivy League school studying something I love
>tfw have decent amount of acquaintances but only 2 close friends
>tfw parents love me and pay for most of my education comfortably.
>tfw can't stop feeling inferior and unhappy even though I'm in the prime of my life.
>tfw people talk to me every day and seem to have an interest in me but I feel like I am not worthy of their friendship.
Well at least I have music to console these illogical feels
I'm always depressed and the only time I'm happy is when I'm high.
>So quit drugs
But before I started I was always depressed anyway. There isn't enough incentive for me to stop (hurr but ur health) except that I'm having trouble forming any meaningful relationships. But I thing that's my own fault and I was just blaming it on drugs use. Really I'm just lonely and I don't even know what I want to do anymore. Any cute girls want to kiss?
>tfw your OCD and invasive thoughts keep you from enjoying music.
a week since the distance started, i mean. it went from her constant appraising of how happy she was to very little contact at all and i'm not sure what the writing on the wall is really saying
c-can i feel with you guys
>tfw you fall in love with a qt at uni but she leaves the course temporarily, supposedly for a year
>tfw i became unwell and unable to do any work so i also leave for a year
>tfw I eventually feel better, get over her and just focus on other aspects of life
>go back to uni
>tfw i go back to uni and i check the list of students, she isn't there
>tfw it suddenly dawns on me that i'll probably never see her again and will probably never talk to her again as she has very limited social media presence
>tfw have to look after suicidal mother and emotionally distant father and my depression is back
>tfw you just want to see and talk to her again
Help me guys, pls ;_;
>14 years old
>used to listen to Foo Fighters
>showed the song Everlong to the girl I liked
>she says "ah, that's cool, but not my kind of music"
>dude that was a hardcore Foo Fighters fan likes her too
>they started to be friends
>he shows her the song Everlong
>it became her favorite song
>they started dating
>senior in high school
>applying to colleges
>all I want to do is physics and art
>look up all these fucking awesome looking schools, they sound great
>I want a liberal arts degree so badly, I want to be able to articulate my thoughts, I want to be able to have time to think, I want to get better at art
>it's so expensive but my dad is a lawyer so I don't qualify for aid
>but he has three other kids and can't afford to send me to a good private school without me taking out a year in loans (I also really don't want to spend that much of his money)
>I'm probably going to end up studying engineering at my state school, which is a really good one, but it's still fucking engineering at a school with 50,000 other people
>I can't ever see myself being an engineer, the word even feels disgusting, and if you've ever been around an engineering school, you'll know that they say the word at least 100 times every hour
All I want is to go to Reed and hang out it Oregon along with weird, smart, interesting people doing something interesting. I don't want to go learn facts, or learn how industry works, or work as a god damn CAD monkey in a fucking engineering firm modeling someone else's design for a smokestack in a boring place around boring people whose interest in art never surpasses "I know a few guitar chords and draw dragons every now and then"
Fuck, please Phil Elverum or Liz Harris, come knock on my door and be my best friend
I'm starting to not have feels anymore. Not in a good way. Everything is like constant nothingness every day. Everything stays the same and I don't even get sad or happy. It's been so long, how can I force myself to feel something?
>Is it weird having so many different kinds of bands and genres 'liked' on my Facebook, feeling bit insecure are people judging me about it or they don't care? Does it make me look weird and uncool? Should I be liking music as a fashion or should I stick with enjoying obscure (to most people) music from a range of genres?
That's it. I'm actually pretty content aside from that.
At the moment top 6 are Tiny Moving Parts, Zebrahead, Alex Smoke, Shpongle, The Ghost inside & M83
>just started college (like everyone else)
>made zero friends (like everyone else)
I haven't joined a club or anything though way too much social anxiety to consider that.
On the bright side a chinese exchange student talked with me a lot in 1 of my classes today and seems nice. Maybe I can befriend her if my anxiety doesn't get too much in the way.
Yeah I started doing that years ago and I've only started trying to break the habit a month ago. I've made zero progress unfortunately.
I can relate to that, haha. I've been doing mdppp every morning right after waking up or I don't have the motivation to get of bed, and doing mxe the minute I get back home also every day. At least try to choose your drugs so they don't fuck up your health too bad (and certainly don't follow my example, although mxe isn't too bad at least).
Shit, OCD runs in my family super bad. Thankfully I haven't developed any major symptoms yet. Although I did get invasive thoughts out of the blue a couple years ago that lasted about 3 months before they went away and I could enjoy things again. So I can feel your pain.
>tfw we're all schizophrenic and express severe delusions and it's only going to get worse and cause us to alienate ourselves from society because we think we're unworthy of any success we have
why is living literally suffering all the time even when it's not
>2nd year of community college
>still no friends but I'm finding myself less and less nervous when talking to people
maybe there will be hope
Gonna try and get involved with some activities for the honors club and hope that somehow helps.
I know that feel anon. I feel okay and somewhat confident, but every time I talk to people that I kind of like or want to be friends with, they annoy me, and this makes me feel like shit. I feel like such an asshole and I sit in my house most of the time.
You don't need to go to college for that experience. If you want to get a good degree that will help you find work, do engineering or whatever. No you won't like it, that's not that point.
What makes you think that:
>All I want is to go to Reed and hang out it Oregon along with weird, smart, interesting people doing something interesting
Is something you need to go to college and waste a shitload of money to do? Come on, man. Don't waste your time on a liberal arts degree and just live your life and do something interesting if you want to.
Ehh don't overthink it. Nobody will care, other than people who also like loads of different music, who will think you're cool.
They should unless they've stopped using facebook or something. That happened with 1 guy I sent a request to and he never did anything.
In all fairness I wonder if having all this music liked is going to make me less attractive or less likeable, idk. It's such a stupid insecurity.
I love the music I listen to and I love to share what I'm loving to the world. What's wrong with that?
I know that feel, I struggle with depression and there are certain times where all of my emotions burn out into dullness. The last time this happened was the strongest and longest of them. I tried all sorts of music, but it was eventually pic related that did it to me. It's a sad album, but it also has a sort of dullness to it that I could relate to at the time. After a listen through of this my emotions started coming back again. I hope it does for you too.
>go out with a girl for years
>listen to a lot of rap and hip hop and she hates all of it
>we break but remain good friends
>she has a new boyfriend
>she now loves rap and hip hop mostly because of him
dude seriously go to the kind of school you want to go to. im at a tiny liberal arts school and loving it. i will say my school does have a good about of separation between the sciency kids and the arty kids though... when you're checking out schools see if you can find one that has a more cohesive culture i guess? or just concentrate on art so you can be emotionally fulfilled
> tfw haven't had romantic feelings in years
What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
i usually just "like" any band that i like enough to want to hear updates from. usually after i've listened to at least an album of theirs. sometimes people even tell me they look through my stuff to find new bands so that's neat but yeah generally i just use it as a way to hear more from bands or labels i like
>have to look for work next week
>social anxiety bringing me to tears about how I hate myself and don't think I can look for work
>life is nothing but regrets
>havent experienced youth, it's already over
>no relationships or even crushes for 5 years now
>sit inside listening to giles corey and HANL wanting to die but without the balls to do it myself
I'm just scared that engineering will turn me into a god damned square.
I don't know dude. I just love school so much, and there's something about a non engineering/medical/business degree that seems so satisfying. I understand that it's not practical. It's like the equivalent of buying a 200,000 dollar car... it's a thing that is nice to have, but you don't need it. I just feel like I get only one life, and I want to get as much out of it as possible, not go through some rigid stupid program surrounded by people that aren't creative at all just to get a job that sounds even worse than school was, just to have a few more comforts and a bigger house. I don't know dude. I don't know. I'm about to pull a fucking Chris McCandless or something
Holy fuck /mu/, today I found someone at work who listens to Sleep and Sunn O))) like holy crap. I had to practically rip the words "doom metal" from his mouth since he was in hidden-power-level modo and calling everything "heavy metal" but holy shit I didn't know these people existed IRL.
I recommended Boris to him, I hope he listens to them.
Feels like im losing contact with friends because of distance
Unsure about the future and feel like im stuck in a limbo state all the time
Two weeks ago i tried to commit suicide but at the last second the hook in the roof snapped and i was left with large bruises around my neck
Seeing how much has changed in the past year is horrible and i feel like im losing the will to be alive
Feel like i always have to jump over high standards created by my family
Keep looking back on past mistakes and feel like i have totally fucked up completely
Still miss a close friend who mixed drugs and became homeless and i have no idea where he is now
Confidence issues and been wanting to join a band in over five years but feels like its too late now
I totally feel you, I'm 18 and there's this degree of awkwardness and nervousness we carry; lack of genuine interest in anything interesting. It's kind of how modern American teens have been enculturated and it's pathetic.
>a god damn square
Why do you care about something like that? If you aren't a square then you're fine, it's not going to turn you anything except a guy with a degree.
If you want a lib arts degree, do it, but you should think more about it
>and there's something about a non engineering/medical/business degree that seems so satisfying
You need to really think and figure out what that something is. Don't just leave it at that. Once you figure that out, then decide.
I agree that money isn't important if you're able to be emotionally fulfilled by art or other things, but you don't want to be stuck doing nothing after uni thinking "Well what now". Just try to figure your stuff out first
>like a girl and i know i like her
>she dont want to do anything because she's older
>going to see her in saturday
btw im in love with bjork atm
If going to Reed is the definition of interesting, then you are kind of square already, don't worry.
But honestly, doing engineering out of compromise is a death sentence. If the major doesn't kill you, the 40+ years of work at engineering definitely will.
Haha there's lots of people who do normalfag carriers without being "square" or whatever you wanna call it. Plus you need creativity for engineering and other stuff too it just doesn't come in quite the same flavor as the draw-pretty-pictures creativity. But if engineering itself isn't fun for you then don't do it.
But if you wanna pull a Chris McCandless it might be nice and interesting as long as you keep it limited to the travel around part and not the go to alaska and die part.
>get on antidepressants
Those don't work for everybody. Every one I've tried had adverse effects, it's not worth the money to keep trying
No, I like them and you don't know what you're talking about
>become more social; talk to people
How the fuck
>do constructive shit
>stop pitying yourself
>dress nice, be more likable
I already dress nice. Nobody is going to like me because I dress nice. Nobody gives a shit. "Be more likable"? That's the same as "be more sociable". It's not going to happen right now
I'm not even him but I want help
I think that because I look at my dad, and I know that he was a lot like me when he was a teenager. I just know it. But, he went to a really good school for a humanities degree, then his dad pressured him into going to law school, and now he makes a shit ton of money, and has a good family, but he's so overworked it's not funny. He's so busy and stressed all the time, he never has time to think. And when he tries to talk me out of anything but engineering/medicine, he always says "you need to be able to provide for yourself (but I know he's implying 'and your family' as well). And I think he's actually happy. He's happy with a family, and with the way things are, but I can never imagine myself being like that. And even if I could, I never want to be like that. He's a great man, but I don't want to live for a family (I know, what 18 year old boy wants a family) but I just don't want that to be my reason for living. I'm not that kind of person. It's just so hard to figure my stuff out first.
never regret anything and it is never too late to do anything.
I recently lost my friend to some fucked up shit and its fucking horrible man but just remember the good times. It's far too easy to let everything swallow you up and fall into a pit.
Also fuck whatever your family think of you. In 50 years time it is only you who is going to give a shit about what you did and didn't do and the person you became.
Your post really struck a chord with me because it sounds so much like me ~6months ago but you can get through man I promise