RGRE: Reversed Gender Roles Equestria

Equestrian mares are by large majority not bisexual no matter how much you want to force your retarded nonsensical headcanon and assumptions onto the thread
They are pure

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>>30769293
>They are pure
Correct.

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>>30769293
Does this mean they're all sunhat tippers?

>>30769333
Trips confirms tips.

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>>30769293
>They are pure
yes

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>>30769467
>salty 3dpd detected

how would RGRE pones react to Anon rejecting their advances but then found dating a griffon or dragoness the next week

>>30769480
It's not a herd, it's a pride. Prey are lower on the totem, full stop.
This greatly interests the flower sisters.

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>>30769480
I would.

>>30769472
>Luna will never gift you exotic flowers that bloom only at night

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>>30756998
>By all rights, a mare should not be able to produce viable offspring with a human.
>Rainbow is teased that she'll forever life in a foal-less home with no legacy to carry on her name.
>And... They're right. While not purposely trying for foals, more than one estrus has been spent with her mysterious hunter, "A'non", he calls himself with no result.
>It shakes her slightly. Even the most macho of mares want a family someday.
>It would be an ultimate mark of failure on her part as well, that a mare with standing and health like hers can't produce at least one child.
>A'non quickly catches on that something is wrong with his mare and corners her about it.
>She hesitantly explains as best she can with a mix of Equestrian and his own language.
>He nods slowly, rubbing his chin. "You desire small one, correct?" He asks in his rough and halting voice. "Come to me ***** of next great moon, and we two ***** make one. I have ********** to make." He says, cutting in and out of Equestrian.
>The next full moon? What is he talking about?
>Rainbow shows up on the night, noting strange totems and obelisks around the outside of the cabin.
>As soon s she steps past them, the air hums with power.
>The cabin itself is filled with a soothing incense that also somehow keeps her invigorated.
>And Rainbow made love to her A'non the entire night, mysteriously free from the limits of the body.
>A few weeks later, Rainbow finds herself in the hospital feeling ill.
>One or two petty mares snicker about her "getting rabies" from her "ape".
>After a few tests, the Dr returns with startling news.
>She's pregnant, and out of season to boot.
>Another test reveals that there's something distinctly un-pony about the little embryo.
>Everyone who ever made fun of Rainbow has to eat their words.

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>30769293
>Filthy monos trying to sell their perversions as norm yet again

>>30769547
>Rainbow shows up on the night, noting strange totems and obelisks around the outside of the cabin.
crazy pagans and their weird ass rituals

>>30769547
>The abomination is forcibly aborted, and Rainbow is turned to stone as punishment for crimes against nature
>Anon is hunted down and killed as a mad animal

>>30769454
Give tuft fluff, give it now!

>>30769674
y you got 2 b a grouch???

>>30769674
>Anon hunts down and kills everypony responsible for this
FTFY

>>30769547
Proceed.

>>30769674
>Anon subdues his hunters with belly rubs, ear scratches, and raspberries blown into their bellies
>Rainbow is a little bit upset that Anon's kind of a slut, but she loves him anyway

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>>30769547
PAGAN RITUALS. HERESY.

But please, continue.

>>30769693
>>Anon hunts down and kills everypony responsible for this
I can see that happening in a fit of rage when he finds out from a heartbroken Rainbow Dash that runs to his cabin in tears

>>30767683
>>30767719
>>30767723
"Starlight Over Detrot: A Noir Tale" was first posted Jun 26th, 2012 beating out "Diaries of a Madman" which was Aug 19th, 2012

>>30769547
How would a foal between a mare and an otherworldly hunter be raised?

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>>30769547
>Another test reveals that there's something distinctly un-pony about the little embryo.

>Subjecting a pony to the horror of human pregnancy.
>Birthing a satyr
>Birthing an elderitch god
Anything but a healthy foal from your mare is heresy.

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>>30769820
>LA Ponoire
>A story about Anon, an amateur hard-boiled detective whose cases are decidedly less hard-boiled than he is
>Investigates reports of booping and brushie-burshies that get manes tugged
>Gets results despite half the mares he interviews expressing surprise and dubiousness over the fact that he's a detective to begin with, and half the mares spending their time hitting on him instead of giving him information
>...those two categories aren't necessarily mutually exclusive
>Together with his partner, a world-weary mare spurned by Ponyville and given up on her passion, Anon takes on Manehattans softest cases.

>The receptionist slowly glanced up at you, not once breaking the monotonous chewing of her bubble gum.
>Clearly, your presence here wasn't anything to get excited over.
>She gazed at you with heavy-lidded, glassy eyes; she looked bored and listless, like she had nothing to do but she was somehow putting it off.
>It was the expression seen on anybody who knew their job was going nowhere, and that the only reason their boss hadn't fired them was because they hadn't fucked up badly enough to warrant a job termination.
>She was there because it would be inconvenient to replace her, and that didn't seem likely to happen; her boss probably had as much of a fire in her belly as her employee does.
>Somewhere in this powder-blue mare was a story.

> Anon works at the spa, and according to rumors, offers a "happy ending" to mares who can afford it

>>30769962
Oddly, the rumored price varies wildly according to who's telling it.
But he does cum inside.

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>"Are you SURE you'll be alright with here by yourself?"
>Be Anon
>New "exchange" student for Canterlot High School
>After a magical mishap that involved Twiggles, Pinko Pee, a rain cloud, two rubber chickens and a demon god, you had found yourself in a land of horse-people
>They weren't quite horses, but they weren't people-people either
>Twiggles had offered to bring you back to Equestria, but you had politely declined
>No more magical mishaps for you
>And no fucking horses headbutting your junk when you weren't paying attention
>You'd much rather just stay here and pretend to be a teenager while you lived the easy life pawning gold bits for cold, hard cash
>Unfortunately, things were never that easy
>At that moment, you were sitting in a mostly empty library
>Your buddies, Thunderlane, Caramel, Bulk, Flash, and Norman were crowded around your table, looking at you with varying degrees of worry
>When you had first gotten to this school, these men had immediately taken you under their wing
>It was apparently very dangerous for a guy to be alone in this school from what you had been told
>If you weren't careful you'd get dragged into an empty room and not heard from for a couple of hours
>So, most guys around here that didn't have a girlfriend--or girlfriends in most cases--tended to stick together in groups pretty much for the entire school day
>And you meant stick together too
>None of these guys let you out of their sight
>You were apparently the first new guy that had come to this school in nearly three years
>And, on your first day, you had made a "horrible" mistake
>At the time you hadn't thought it was that big of a deal
>All you did was make an offhand comment about how good looking pretty much all of the women were here
>And you hadn't been lying either
>Even the girls that your guy friends thought were "fugly" would have been fucking lookers back home, and the pretty girls here?
>Whoo...

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>>30770061
>If you weren't an autist that couldn't speak to women if his life depended on it you would have gotten some of THAT
>They were like super models
>More beautiful than super models
>Literally some of the most beautiful creatures that you had ever seen in your life
>And as just stated, you hadn't though saying such a thing would be all that big of a deal
>You hadn't even said it all that loud either, and from what you remembered there wasn't a girl in the vicinity
>But there must have been one or two because someone heard
>Someone heard and they began to spread the news around
>Blood was in shark infested water now
>Or so your friends had said
>You had been here for nearly a month, and from what you've seen not a single girl had given you a second glance
>Exactly like when you had gone to high school back on Earth
>You appreciated their concern, they were all a bunch of really great guys, but maybe a little hyperbole was in play here
>More than a little, if you were guessing
"I'm telling you guys I'll be fine," you said, not looking up from your book. "Now get going. I wanna finish this last chapter and put this book into the return bin."
>"Why don't you just come with us and finish the book, Anon?" Caramel said
>"Yeah, come on. We'll go to that coffee place and you can finish it there," Thunderlane said, beckoning you to stand up
>You didn't move an inch, instead licking your thumb and turning the page
"I really kind of just want to sit here by myself for a while, fellas," you said. "I appreciate the thought, but there's no need to wait up for me."
>The guys looked around the library warily, as if they expected someone to hop out of the shadows
>"I think thing that's a good idea, Anon," Norman said
"And I think you're all being silly," you retorted. "Come on. It's a Friday afternoon. The place is empty. No one's gonna sneak in here and "steal" me."
>Caramel chewed on his lip
>"I don't know, Anon... I really don't think this is a good idea..."

>>30769549
This.
"Fuck what my waifu wants, fuck what would make her happy, fuck not making her into a social pariah, I will shoehorn in what I want against all logic and reason REEEEEEE!"
- monautists everywhere

>>30769892
Agreed.
I don't mind some slight variations like occasional meat cravings, grows to be slightly taller/bigger than the average pony, or has an outlandishly good sense of balance (almost as if your child is naturally adept at walking on less than 4 legs...), but not being a pony foal is heretical degeneracy of the highest order.

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>>30770171
>Lifting your gaze from your book
"Come on, guys. I know I'm new here but you can give me a LITTLE credit, huh?" you said with a smile. "I'll be fine. Now get out of here and go drink all of your frapo crapos or whatever you guys drink."
>That got a few laughs from the guys, but you could tell that it was a bit forced
>Still though, it was better than nothing
>"...Fine, we'll go," Thunderlane said. "But if something happens make sure to call us alright? We'll come racing back and help you."
>"And don't forget that rape whistle I gave you," Bulk said, tugging at the bottom of his shirt. "You still have it around your neck right?"
>Reaching down your shirt, you showed him the little neon green whistle that he had gotten you the first week of being in this school
"I never leave home without it. Now get outta here you crazy kids. I got reading to do."
>Though it looked like they honestly didn't want to, the guys slowly made their way toward the exit
>Flash was the last to leave, chewing on his lip as he looked at you one last time before he disappeared through the door
>You casually looked around the room
>With your friends now gone the room was completely empty
>There was just you, your nerd-ass book, and silence
>A smile came to your face at the thought
>Kicking up your feet onto the table, you leaned back and looked down at your book
>It was the fourth or fifth book in a series
>The series was pretty alright
>A mixture between LOTR and Warhammer, but with girls
>The halfling equivalents in the books were more like greedy little tax-dodger jews, so that was pretty funny
>There was also this horse that the halflings painted blue after a party, so it was pretty alright with you
>6.7/10
>Would read again in a few years once you forget about most of the plot
>As what usually happened when you were immersed, everything else around you fell by the wayside
>There was just you, these little jew hobbits, and the world they lived in

>>30770289
satyrfags are weird

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>>30770171
>LaP
>RGREqG
excite

>>30770171
>>"I think thing that's a good idea, Anon," Norman said
I think thing too, Norman. I think thing too.

>>30770061
>Lewd schoolgirls
>LaP
yesssss

>>30770314
I agree, pi-post-number anon.

>>30770289
"Baby is just the mother's race because the father's genes don't matter" is a meme from fantasy settings, because the creators are often too lazy to design halfie races and lore on how given societies perceive them.

Actual hybrid species tend to very much look it, and those are species that are generally already very similar.

>>30770350
>"Aclitlickersayswhat?"
"What?"
>Bon Bon grins and places her hands on your shoulders.
>"Well, girls," she purrs, smiling lecherously and massaging your shoulders, "Looks like we've got a live one."

>>30770369
Go by pokemon breeding rules. Mom's form, but dad's attributes. You get a pone that's still a pone, only it's kinda human-ey.

>>30770382
>Bon Bon
pls stop my grouchy bisexual waifu is pure

>>30770289
Realistically, if a pony/human hybrid were to come to term, it wouldn't be a satyr or a centaur, just like a human fucking a dolphin wouldn't produce either type of mermaid.

I'd expect a pony with human biological traits, like muscle structure, organs, rib count, etcetera, to the point where, if you didn't know what you were looking at/notice pony traits, you'd think it were an alien.

And who knows what human genetics would do on both ends of the genome?

Traits bred out of humans, like tails, may come back into play; same deal with pony quirks lost in their evolution.

A human-like coccyx as a dock, with a monkey-like tail? compacted, powerful ape-like muscle fibres?

And what of organs like the now relatively useless appendix? Would it still remain a safe harbour for helpful gut flora after illness, or return to its historical evolutionary role with helping to break down plant matter?

>>30770393
That's literally what I just said about a lazy fantasy setting cop out.

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>>30770309
>Some part of you heard some shuffling to your left, and a few tables in front of you, but you ignored it
>Probably just the librarian sorting her books or whatever she did right after school...
>There was also some hushed whispers, but you ignored that too
>The halflings were running away from a set of fire demons
>The demons were fast, and the halflings were burdened with all of the gold that they had just stolen
>In front of the halflings was a cliff, and at the bottom it is was a fast moving, dangerous river filled with water spirits
>You pressed the book closer to your face, reading just a little faster
>What there the little jews gonna do?
>Were they gonna jump, or would they try to talk their way out of it?
>Last time they tried to talk their way out of it made you laugh for about ten minutes, so that wouldn'--
>A hand on your shoulder brought you out of your thoughts
>Hello there...
>Before you could lift your head up and see who was touching you, another hand found itself on your other shoulder
>Both hands clamped down on you with considerable force
>There was a grunt behind you, and before you knew what was happening your chair was being dragged backwards
"Hey!"
>The second your feet slide off the table you flailed, expecting to land flat on your back
>Fortunately, whoever was scooting your chair back only moved it a foot or two from the table before setting you safely back down
>There was a flash of red and gold
>A weight settled in your lap, and your vision was invaded by sun-touched skin
>You blinked owlishly, slowly looking up at the face of a Ms. Sunset Shimmer
>Aka one of the prettier girls in school
>Aka a drop dead gorgeous creature that no doubt had the ability to turn even the hardest core faggots straight
>There was a blush on Sunset's face, as well as the biggest, more predatory grin that you had ever seen
>The bacon-hair beauty was straddling you, her thick, powerful thighs pinning your legs to the the chair

>>30770393
That's terrible.

>>30770418
>Bon Bon blushes and bites her bottom lip, and her grip on your shoulders becomes vice-like for a few seconds.
>There's a slurping noise and the sound of shifting fabric, and then Lyra's head appears on Bon Bon's shoulder.
>She winks at you while she wipes a clear fluid off of her mouth.
>"What's that I heard about a live one, candy girl?"

>>30770478
ur terrible

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>>30770171
>>You had been here for nearly a month, and from what you've seen not a single girl had given you a second glance
>>Exactly like when you had gone to high school back on Earth
>tfw this is what it would actually be like
>they'd all happily walk right by you to get at your friends

>>30770425
>with helping to break down plant matter

That sounds really useful, even now. Why was it phased out?

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>>30770459
>Her arms were also around your neck, holding you firmly in place
>The girl also seemed to have her dress brick-red dress shirt partially unbuttoned, so that you could see her completely uncovered tits
>Her perky, large, amazing, fantastic, mouthwatering, jaw dropping, boner-inducing, perfectly-sized areolae-d tits
>"Hiya, handsome. Is this seat taken?" the girl playfully asked, grinding herself in your lap
>Your body jerked at the very foreign sensation of female contact
>A blush exploded across your face
>Palms became sweaty, and you had the very sudden urge to go home and cook copious amounts of pasta
>Opening your mouth, you tried to speak
"Fjbksjkh?"
>Sunset giggled, her blues eyes dancing
>"What's the matter, big guy? Cat got your tongue?" she asked, leaning down to rub her nose against yours
>You shied away, accidentally dropping your book
>This just gave Sunset the ability to press more of her perfect body against you
>Your eyes snapped down to her breast, which were so close that you could have leaned forward and inch buried your nose into paradise
>"I see that those mean old guys finally left you alone for a second," Sunset said, tucking a bit of hair behind your ear. "That's great. Ever since I saw you I've wanted to... get to know you better~"
>The girl grinded herself into your lap
>You sucked in air through your teeth, blushing just a little bit harder
>Sunset giggled a little harder as she pressed her forehead against yours
>"I mean, what girl wouldn't want to get a know such a cutie like you? Especially since every single girl at your old school was stupid enough not to snatch you up when they had the chance."
>You twitched as you felt soft lips brush against your temple
>You twitched again when you felt a kiss on your cheek
>It was quick and very light, but you fucking felt it

>>30770596
plants are gay

>>30770617
>>The girl also seemed to have her dress brick-red dress shirt partially unbuttoned
>dress brick-red dress

>>30770596
I'd be it was thanks to one of the following reasons:
Pre-humans turned into fruit eaters (there's a word for this but I can't remember it now) and only ate fruit and other highly nutritional parts of plants instead of leaves and shit, and didn't need it.
Pre-humans discovered fire and learned to cook food, making it easier to digest and removing the need for it.

>>30770575
>Be in RGRE
>Nothing changes
>Being as socially-retarded as you doesn't make you cute or quirky
>Even in a world that caters to your gender, you continue to be alone

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>>30770617
hhhggg

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>>30770666
realistic end

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>>30770617

>>30770617
>"There's not a lot of stupid girls here, Anon," Sunset said, reaching into your shirt and undoing the knot that tied the rape whistle around your neck. "In fact, not only are most of us really smart, but we're really nice too. Especially to cute guys like yourself~"
>Pulling your rape whistle out of your shirt, Sunset tossed it over her shoulder
>As she did that, you were able to get a baring of your surroundings
>Before the library had been empty
>Now it was nearly filled to the brim with women
>Dozens of them
>Some wearing skirts so high that you could see panties
>Some partially topless like Sunset
>All of them staring at you like you were a piece of kobe beef
>As you looked around, Sunset let out another giggle
>You felt two small, tender hands grab yours, lifting them up and pressing them against something
>Something firm and soft
>And... And...
>You looked down to see that you now had to handfuls of tits
>Tits that were still do bountiful that they were spilling around your hands
>Your blush crept down to your neck and, sputtering, you quickly let go of her ta-tas, slapping your hands against your sides
>Sunset's smile only grew
>"Aw, don't you like my boobs?" she asked, bouncing her chest in your face. "You look like you like them."
>She grinded in your lap, biting her lower lip
>"You FEEL like you like them too. Hmm~ cute and BIG too. Oh you're gonna be FUN~!"
>Sunset puckered her lips, leaning down
>Despite yourself, your lips puckered as well
>This was going to be it
>You were going to kiss a very, very pretty girl
>Your first kiss
>And it was gonna be fucking awesom--
>"ANON!"
>Sunset quickly pulled away, looking behind her
>Dazed and confused, you leaned over to see what all the commotion was about
You saw Caramel and the boys charging through the crowd of girls
>In their hands were various weapons
>Chalk cleaners, rulers, a pool noodle for some reason
>It looks like Bulk was waving around a taser and Caramel had a can of pepper spray

>>30770731
They had better not cockblock Anon.

>>30770369
Well, this is only ever used in vidya from my experience for obvious reasons.

But that's debatable if you go by what
>>30770289 said. Those are traits from the father, especially if you give them canine/human teeth like people who headcanon this often do. It's still a hybrid, just not an evenly split one. I don't think satyrs are any better if you're into hybrids being fleshed out though. Hybrids as a concept are meme tier to start, and they all have samey lore due to their nature. Unless, it's like Tieflings where they're several generations removed from the racemixing couple.

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>>30770666
Fuck you satan, you cant ruin this fantasy.

>>30770694
>implying you cant blame your social retardedness on being an alien so you get a bit of lee-way in social interactions.
>implying you wont take the oppotunity to finally learn all the social quirks you failed to do when you were younger.
>Implying you wont literally have the magical table of plot device literally delivering members of the mane six to your door.
Having no friends is a pretty big "friendship problem"

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>>30770731

>>30770731
Based bros.
Shitset doesn't deserve anything.

>>30770731
>>Before the library had been empty
>>Now it was nearly filled to the brim with women
>>Dozens of them
Wew lad

He's going to have to set a schedule to fit them all in.

>>30770666
Satan knows the truth

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>>30770731
>Not a single one of them looked very happy
>In fact, they looked more than ready to use their "weapons"
>"SUNSET! YOU GET AWAY FROM ANON RIGHT NOW!" Caramel shouted
>Sunset frowned
>"Dammit," she muttered
>She looked down at you, cracking a smile when she saw the look on your face
>"Don't worry cutie, I'll get you next time~," she said, giving you a quick peck on the lips as she reached around and gave your ass a grope.
>"SUNSET!"
>Sunset rolled out of your lap, dodging chalk cleaners, books, and whatever else the guys could grab and running toward the other exit in the library
>Seeing that the hunt was over, the other girls quickly started to scatter as well
>By the time that Caramel and the guys had gotten to you the library was once again empty
>The only trace any of the girls was Sunset's peachy, vanilla-y scent and a wet spot on your groin
>"Anon, are you alright? Did they hurt you?" Thunderlane asked, grabbing you buy the shoulders and giving you a good shaking. "Do you need us to call someone? Do you feel raped?"
>Letting out a puff of air, you looked down at your groin
>You were hard
>VERY hard
>Painfully so
>After noticing that fact, you looked up at your friends
"Not raped," you said, your voice sounding very small to your ears. "Blue balled, yeah, but not raped."

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>>30769547
I demand more pagan Anon

>>30770824
YOU FUGGER

>>30770824
Alright, I'm done. I figured if I kept writing Warhammer shorts I was gonna lost my coconuts, so here's some horse-girls. Quick, unedited horse-girls. I might do some more of this later in the week after I post the final chapter of medical horses.

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>>30770829
>pic

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>>30770848
I need more...

>>30770848
I demand someone write something where Anon's friends get what they fucking deserve.

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>>30770848
Considering that wet spot I imagine Sunset ran to the bathroom to rub one out.

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>>30770848

>>30769847
>>30769892
>Pregnancy is trying, but the protections put in place by the ritual keep life threatening issues away.
>A'non insists on being the one to deliver the foal, even throwing ponies who try to stop him out of the way.
>The foal is born a normal pegasus, but larger than a normal one, part of the reason a petite mare like Rainbow was struggling so much.
>A'non painstakingly moves his cabin one log at a time closer to Ponyville, right on the outskirts, then enlarges it for a family.
>The little booger is hungry all the time, so much so that Rainbow has to take lactation stimulants. Though the tyke is quickly weened when the canine teeth grow in. After that, a taste for meat makes itself apparent.
>Childhood is a mix of normal schooling (with the occasional fight for shit talk), flying lessons and sports games with mom. With dad, hunting trips and spiritual trips.
>Bullying is a frequent problem since the foal is just so different. Both in body and behavior.
>With the genes of a world class athlete and an alien woodland conqueror, the little foal grows like a weed. At 12, they can stare most adults in the eyes. 16, they're closer to their monolith of a father in size.

>>30770897
I am okay with this

much better then satyr shit

>>30770666
I don't think most are actually that spaghetti though. If you've lived long enough to hit 20 years of age, you should be able to, and artfully avoid moments where you can't, act like a normal person for at least an hour. Just long enough before basic small talk and questions dry up, and you actually have to be good and interesting at esoteric chitchat that doesn't involve inherently normie repellent topics. You can mislead acquaintances into thinking you're a healthy, normal, and successful person. With this, you should be able to get a few dates, and hopefully some turn out to be the RGRE equivalent of flutterfags.

Sorry to the wizards within wizards type. I basically only leave the house to shop and exercise though, so if I can manage this then you should be able to too.

>>30770666
Well, can't say no to those numbers.

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>>30770848
Man your RGREqG stuff is always on point.

>>30770947
Satan's never lied to you before, has he?

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>>30770956
Never.

>>30769547
So how much money does A'non make when word of his crazy tribal fertility magic gets out?

>>30770990
t. Goldberg

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>>30770995
All I can think about now is Cut!Anon in RGRE and mares being outraged.

>>30771006
>Glimmer's face
>IDontKnowWhatsGoingOnButImHappyToBeIncluced.autism

>>30770918
We fucking get it, you don't like satyrs. Holy shit you're like an autistic little child that has to let everyone know all the time.

>>30771006
Why would they be?

>>30771021
genital mutilation or something

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>>30770897
>unusually large canine teeth
>craves meat
I wonder who the actual father is.

>>30771021
Because people are outraged at female circumcision in our world, but are fine with and even encourage it for males.

>>30771015
She's just a qt autistic cinnamon bun. Give her love and teach her right from wrong.

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>>30770918
>better then
>then

>>30771015
>>30771045
Regardless of how I feel about her character, Starlight a cute. I want to be someone she can trust to go to for advice when ponies confuse her and also to fuck her as a reward for doing well. Or just whenever.

>>30771031
>tfw you're cucked by a manticore

>>30771065
It was just a matter of time before she she found out there were more predatory predators out there that could satisfy her predator fetish better than any human could. It's a slippery slope though. What predatory species is next? She's going to get herself killed and eaten eventually.

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>>30771038
Thats the beauty of equestria, any god that gets worshipped can go to the next town over and slap their shit if they start doing bad things in their name.

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>"Anon, we're just worried about you is all. You're always cooped up in your house when you should be out shopping or socializing. You know... if the problem is you're feeling lonely, me and a few of the mares wouldn't mind spending some time alone with you."

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>>30770617

>>30771124
>tfw not waking up in a bed full of fluffy pegasus mares

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>>30771164
>Being the Wonderbolt's team groupie

>>30770760
>Hybrids as a concept are meme tier to start
This.
And seeing as how satyrs are shit-tier fetish fuel and >>30770289 hybrids aren't, we'll be going with the "not shitty fetish material" option.

>>30771226
>>30771016

>>30770792
>He's going to have to set a schedule to fit them all in.
Human-centipede-of-cunnilingus time! The lucky girl in the back gets the D.

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>>30770848
You know if you keep writing warhammer shorts and maybe even a 40k short or 2, I might just consider you less of a heretic for your use of ketchup

Hell I might even consider gifting you warhammer related games

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>>30771195
>>30771164
>You'll never help them shower after a good performance.
>You'll never brush away all the accumulative stress from the day.
>You'll never pile onto a giant water bed with them.
>You'll never be the team's cuddle buddy.
Is soarin the only stallion in the wonderbolts? Because while i'm unsure on any others i definitely wouldnt reeee over him getting in on this.

>>30771016
Different guy here, that may well be the first time he's chimed in on the prospect.
There's a lot of us who don't like fetishyrs.

>>30771124
>>30771164
>>30771195
>>30771292
>What started as a thinly veiled "private escort" arrangement turns personal when the girls find themselves genuinely caring for you.

>>30771292
Soarin is living the dream

>>30771226
Neither makes any sense whatsoever, so what's the point of this whole argument? Let people enjoy whatever they enjoy and spare us of your spergasms.

>>30771253
He was responding to someone else, anon.
Please get it through your superhumanly autistic head that there are more than one person out there that don't like fagtyrs.

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>>30771335
When did I said there's just one person?

>>30771226
Aight, but I expect the hybrids to have my main characteristics, opposable thumbs and a hairy ballsack. I ain't getting cucked by no large-fanged carnivore. No fukken way.

>>30771335
Take a break on the guy, I don't think he speaks English that well.

>>30771278
Don't play with my heart, Anon. It's already been batted around too much.

>>30771366
When you referred one person to an entirely unrelated person to the refereed conversation.
That, or you're retarded AND autistic. But I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt because at least autism is passably acceptable.

>>30771384
It's a pony, so it has no thumbs or hands of any kind.
There's a highly probable chance it'll be female
So you want a satyr filly born with opposable hooves and a hairy ballsack.
>satyr turbofetishfag located

>>30771498
>filly
>hairy ballsack
wat

>>30771498
Ah, literal-minded automobilistic automatists ruining good fun and being polarized tards who label anyone who dares to use their precious fanon as the target of their joke as their worst enemies, deplorable satyrfags in your case, where would this board be without you? What would we do without you?

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>>30771292
>sharing a bunch of cuddly mares with your bro
Not bad, not bad.

>>30771303
You're not fooling anyone pal.

>>30771464
For real though
I'm bored, don't need to work, and have a load of jewgold
and I fucking love warhammer and 40k
I used to have at least 5000 points of every army in fantasy and 40k
I've only got necrons, chaos, inquisition, lizardmen, and a gorkamorka warband now since 40k went to shit and fantasy was killed off for age of shitmar

>>30771636
GORKAMORRKAAA
>DIGGANOBZ

>>30771636
oh and skaven, I've still got a pretty big skaven army
and by big I mean buckets of skaven slaves with slings
have to admit it felt good being that guy in tournaments with almost nothing but skaven slaves with slings, loads of super cheap heroes and plenty of warmachines since skaven is the only faction that actively tries to kill itself on the tabletop

you've never suffered until you've faced 6 blocks of 50 skaven slings
holy fuck am I gonna play the shit out of skaven when total warhammer 2 hits

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>>30771636
Dinosaur men are super cool, Anon. I don't give a shit what anyone says. And get LAP things with your jewgold. If it wasn't for him this thread would be dead.

>>30771656
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y29aGTbg62A

DIGGANOBZ

>>30771663
I'm probably gonna play lizardmen when I get my pc. Maybe dwarves and The Empire after that.

>>30771498
Welp, finger genes and hairy balsack genes are dominant and pretty powerful, so if you have a child that's got neither anything that resembles fingers with the thumbs of the upper limb or forelimb opposing the rest, nor a hairy ballsack, it's pretty certain you got cucked. Two such major deformities are extremely unlikely to occur at the same time.

>>30771292
>>30771608
>i definitely wouldnt reeee over him getting in on this.

>Formation of a single large pseudo-herd happens sometimes with sports or athletic teams.
>Soarin, who is alone with an entire team of mares, is delighted to have you even if you aren't on the team.
>Normally herds max out around 7 members, 1 stallion and 6 mares.
>For some time, it was just Soarin with 10-15 mares, and he just can't be everywhere at once and please them all despite how much he loves his team. That's why he has bags under his eyes all the time.
>With that many mares, it becomes socially acceptable for another male to enter.
>It's the weirdest team/family you've even been dragged into.

>>30771665
t. LaP

>>30771671
Lizardmen and skaven are the only factions worth playing
elves are shit and smell like shit
fuck them and their shitty army wide special rules of always striking first (prissy elves) or hatred (dark prissy elves that get rerolls)

at least both pale in comparison to matt ward's daemon codex that pretty much killed fantasy

>>30771665
I don't even have to spend my jewgolds desu, people owe me so I just have to collect debts with interest of course

>>30771669
This is why I will not get into 40k.

>>30771683
>You will never preen Fleetfoot's wings to help her relax after practice
>You will never listen to her chirp quietly as she slowly falls asleep

Fact: Pegasi are light and fluffy thanks to their hollow bones and flight magic
Fact: Pegasi have a slightly higher body temperature to compensate for how fucking cold it is way up in the sky
Fact: Cuddling with a pegasus under the covers is like hugging a pillow that just came out of the dryer; one that never cools down

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>>30771498
>There's a highly probable chance it'll be female
>having an unusually high amount of X chromosome carrying gametes... for a male
>having no hairy ballsack

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Why is everyone talking about hairy ballsacks? Post more sexist mares, you shits.

>>30772080
>Touching a bird between the wings is the bird equivalent of touching its privates
>Anon gives plenty of pegasus mares a good time before learning what he was doing
>"You know, I /wondered/ why a bunch of pegasi started living in my house."

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>>30772249
the only safe spot for pegasi are headpats

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>>30772276
>Rainbow Dash smugly bragging to her pegasi friends/drinking buddies about how Anon hugged her today
>"No way! Like, he squeezed your withers?"
"Nuh-uh, filly! Anon wrapped me up in a full-body hug."
>"Mare. He wants the V."

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>>30770878
>butt freckles

I have a great need.

>>30772321
I want to count them all individually. With my tongue.

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>>30771909
The perfect winter companion.

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>>30772367
The perfect trash compactor maybe

>>30772276
>maybe even more than male teenagers
>implying teenage girls don't think with their clits constantly
>always jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend
If you've EVER listened to a group of teenage girls gossiping, it's almost always about dick.

>>30772373
ecks dee

>>30772373
>He doesn't want wing hugs

>>30772367
Rainbow is best partner for sweater cuddles. It hurts me inside knowing that this picture can never be a reality.

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>>30772391
>tfw no pegasus cuddlebug

>>30772367
>>30772373
>>30772391
>>30772402
I don't want to be the guy, but
> Muh waifu/pegasus is comf
Is getting kind of annoying, especially considering how often it shows up here.

>>30772430
THATS NICE, HOW ABOUT YOU POST SOMETHING ELSE THEN INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING ABOUT EVERY FUCKING THING POSTED HERE?

NIGGER.

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>>30772430
Don't be jelly 'cuz your bonehead waifu doesn't have wings to hug.

>>30772430
Let them be Anon. Not everyone have good taste.

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>>30772451
Lyra IS pretty cute though. I have a preference for pegasi, but I'd make an exception for Lyra.

>>30772434
'kay.

> Anon is arbitrarily rich because of reasons
> Selling his tech to Twilight or something
> Buys a mansion in the foothills of Canterlot mountain
> Needs someone to take care of the pool
> Hires [mare of your choice], and slowly seduces them while they work

Bonus points if the mare is actually Celestia in disguise.

>>30772474
I imagine it wouldn't take much to seduce a pool mare.

>>30772402
Pegasi have the most protective of all instincts towards their mates. They'll stand in between them and a perceived threat, where they will then spread their wings and make aggressive chirping noises.

>>30772483
If it's tia then she could pretend to dense and not see his advances.

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>>30772459
Fair enough. I'll pretend she has wings for her sake. Pegasi are admittedly not the smartest ponies (if you cover them in a sheet, they'll think it's nighttime and fall asleep), so if I insist that Lyra's a pegasi enough, they'll eventually get confused enough to believe me.

>>30772483
Part of the fun is blue beaning her for as long as possible, until she decides to risk it and make her move.

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>>30772491
>you will never watch your pegasus waifu fluff up and stand ramrod straight in front of you to ward off dangers and competition
>you will never witness your pegasus waifu beat the shit out of some mare with her wings because she came too close

>>30772494
>>30772499
> Tia sees Anon's ad in the paper
> Recognizes it for a stallion wanting to torment a poor mare
> She carefully constructs a resume to be as ripe for the picking as she can
> Anon hires her
> They proceed to see who can sexually frustrate the other more
> The first one to pounce on the other loses

>>30770897
>the little foal grows like a weed

im conlicted

on one hand i want the little foal to be little for a while longer

on the other ALLOWING SUPERIOR HUMAN GENES TO TAKE AND HOLD

TO PROSPER BEYOND MEASURE

>>30772519
>All most immediately anon figures out who he hired.
>Dosent say any thing.
>Continues to play their game.
>Every time the incidents get more and more insane until they are both practically grinding on each other.

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>>30772514
>waifu beat the shit out of some mare with her wings

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Holy shit you guys have no idea how hard it would be not to take the first mare that crossed your path, knowing you're in a world where practically every female is probably more ready and willing than you are. They would probably be constantly trying to catch your eye and get your attention too, doing who knows what.

>>30772562
I'm desperately lonely, so I'd probably be easily convinced.

>>30772562
who is this qt3.14?

>>30769269
>Anon finds himself among the pony tribe in the Timeline where Chryssi won
>Teaches the ponies how to Far Cry

>>30772636
>Not getting captured and being given the title of "tribe husbando"

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>>30772583
>first mare you see catches you staring
>bats her eyelashes at you, then turns around and flicks her tail away from the goods

>>30772616
Dew its

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lDK84c4qPw

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>>30772648
YUSSSS

>>30772681
i don't itemize and catalog every element of the show, i just watch it to enjoy it.

>>30772681
>41 seconds in
That fucking face.

>Mares of Ponyville are fully aware that Anon is an alien species from where-the-fuck-ever
>Expect him to have some kind of exotic penis
>Ponies have flat heads
>Griffons have barbs
>Minotaurs are weird, thin, and long (and are frequently made into canes)
>Mares express disappointed when they find out Anon's penis doesn't have anything special about it
>Anon responds by introducing them to >muh superior human stamina

>>30772562
I'd take my time and pick carefully. I'm not willing to tell a mare I don't like her if we start dating and a huge number things about her I don't enjoy come to light.

>>30772813
Horses(Also most likely minotaurs), and birds have penis bones, or no penis at all.

Anon's penis would be unique in the fact that it swells up with blood and Anon is sexually aroused.

Vote time faggot.

http://www.strawpoll.me/13716868/

>>30772840
Stop making garbage strawpolls.

>>30772827
This. I couldn't deal with poner heartbreak.

>>30772840
>what are the best ideas
>only allows one choice
wheres the option for you to kill yourself

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>>30772562
>They would probably be constantly trying to catch your eye and get your attention too, doing who knows what.

That made me dream this up.

>There's this romantic tradition in Equestrian pop culture.
>It's been played straight, subverted, parodied, deconstructed, -- the works.
>Imagine a young stallion at a busy diner, all by his lonesome.
>For whatever reason, maybe there were no smaller tables available*, he's sitting at one of the larger tables or perhaps a booth.
>That's when a band of mares stroll in and seat themselves at his table.
>If it's a booth, one of the mares is almost certainly sitting beside him.
>She puts a foreleg over his shoulder, whispering sensual promises into his ear, secure in the fact that he can't excuse himself without her say so.
>Though he didn't plan on it, the flustered stallion is now on a date with the heroines.
>The booth variant gets a *lot* of criticism and scrutiny by stallionist types.
>They say it's too aggressive and predatory.
>This iconic cliche goes by a few names, but you know it as a "surprise date" or even "proactive dating."
>Why is this on your mind you might ask?
>Because you were trapped in a booth by a herd who just invited themselves in.
>Only one problem...
>Besides having your personal space invaded.
>This shit only happens in movies, at least nowadays, but the mares attempting it on you are too spaghetti to realize it.

*(In some variations, a buddy of the herd is working at the diner, so they go out of their way to arrange this seating. This can be used to quickly justify it, but sometimes it becomes a gag scene in itself as she fights tooth and nail to make it happen.)

>>30772840
>satyr
what did he mean by this?

>>30772840
>EQG 9 votes
>Satyr 29 votes
>Pony 37 votes
Are you serious? I want more EQG DAMMIT!

>>30772862
Despite having a reputation as the "tough" gender, mares have surprisingly adorably heart-breaking reactions to rejection. They'll look at you with those big ol' watering eyes of theirs, sniffling and wondering what they did wrong. If they want to keep their marely pride, they'll make an excuse and run off. Otherwise, they'll probably collapse right there on the ground, cover their eyes with their widdle hoofsies, and whimper until you pick them up and hug them. Looking back on what I just wrote, I could see mares tricking Anon into accepting them into a herd if they knew he couldn't stand to see a crying poner.

>>30772883
>A herd of unaggressive spaghetti mares trying to act suave but are completely unsure and hesitant in their actions
>Stutter and stammer their way through a very stiff recreation of a "surprise date" with Anon
>The one talking kinda stops half way through her speech and tries to slide away once her already shaky confidence fails her, but Anon grabs her by the shoulder and holds her in place
>"So, what's this about a date?"
>Smug nerds ensue

>>30772883
I really like this. I want more weird herd romcom tropes.

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>Never ever.
>Never ever ever.

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>>30772883
>>30772917
>manager walks up to your booth
>"These girls bothering you?"
>pasta simultaneously erupts from their non-existent pockets.

>>30772883
So that means the offending mares are of the more nerdy, dorky type.

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>>30771698
>elves are shit and smell like shit
yup

>>30772917
>>Smug nerds ensue
You mean more like them freezing up and internally panicking because they don't know what to do now that they've gotten that far, right?

>>30772813
I'm pretty sure humans have special glands and even a curve to give her more pleasure. Humans are designed for live not pump and dump.

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>>30773105
Yeah, I'm picturing Moondancer and Twilight's old circle of friends. Although if I'm overanalyzing, the mares in question would have to be dorky enough to imitate a movie, yet ballsy(teatsy?) enough to try this on a male friend, let alone a stranger. So nerdy, but not wizards, or witches. Have we ever decided on an RGRE word for that?

>>30773160
You say that, but I think Minuette would be bubbly and smooth as fuck. Even though she's a virgin, she knows how to sweet talk.

>>30772562
Horse forelegs don't bend like that.

>>30770309
dammit LaP, now I want to read that story.

>>30770425
>And what of organs like the now relatively useless appendix?
Did you forget, Anon? Your appendix is the human magical organ that keeps you from being a Lero.

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>>30773166
Yeah, she'd definitely be the herd "face". Makes me think of that MMO dating sim thing a couple threads back, but it would make sense that certain mares in "real life" would also fall into certain archetypes; most wouldn't openly classify themselves of course.

>>30772835
>Horses have penis bones
wat
>Horses have no penis at all
What are you smokin?

>>30773215
I kind of want a story with a Lero, expect he doesn't act like, well, Lero.

>>30773232
Use your words, Anon. Do you mean, still weaker than ponies, but with more backbone?

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>>30773221
>having no reading comprehension
must be awful desu

>>30770425
>>30773232
I like the more HFY nature of hybrids.

>Ponies with a human progenitor have adrenal glands four times as effective as a regular pony's
>Sharper teeth, or even canines
>Can digest meat and appreciate the taste
>Digestive stomach acids two or three pH higher than normal pones
>Greater stamina
>Can easily recover from grave injuries
>Still have trouble with magic tho

>>30772292
>>"Mare. He wants the V."
Well, they're not wrong.

>>30772835
Horses and other hoofed mammals actually don't have a dick bone. Griffons would though, because cats do.

>>30772898
This is how you end up herding half the town.

>>30773464
>Can't say no to mares who want into the herd
>Now have so many mares you can't spend enough quality time with all of them
>New mare wants in
>Say no and make her sad
>Or say yes and make the rest of your herd sad

>>30773646
Explain to her you are getting stretched thin and hope hope she understands?

>>30773646
>Go to mirror pool and make copies of self for mares
>Make a harem of self for Twilight so she doesnt kill all of them
>Every mare in ponyville has their own Anon
>Suddenly mares start immigrating from all over Equestria
>each Anon now has an unreasonably big herd
>Back to the same problems as before but now there is an overpopulation problem
>Also there is not enough meat to support the diet of 1/4 of the Anon's you made

>>30773294
Got it in one, which means there was no reason to word it any differently than how I wanted to word it.

People rag on Lero being weaker than the ponies in his story, but his main issue, among others, was being a doormat for most of it. He wasn't even in many situations where being weaker was relevant, because it was a slice of life clop fic.

>>30773704
Who is this Lero and what is this fic you are talking about?

>>30773773
MC of Xenophilia. I'd say it's a must read if you're a regular here, even if it's flawed. It's one of the first big RGRE fics, and it's partially credited for stuff like herds. Good world building, decent clop, eh everything else.

I only say it's a must read in that it's like being into FO:E with having read the original FO:E, or Conversion Bureau without having read the original shitty Conversion Bureau fic, or having an edgy gore boner and not reading Cupcakes/Rainbow Factory. Xenophilia is basically that for RGRE.

>>30773887
*without having read

>>30773701
>overpopulation problem
>not enough meat

Every problem is just a solution waiting to be found, and then BAM! Problem solved!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_AzEeIGznU

>>30773887
Oh, that fic. I'm familiar with it

>>30773887
>decent clop
Come on now, don't sell it short. Xenophilia's sex scenes were amazing.

>>30773215
...Thank the Retro-Gaming God that I still have mine, then.

I'd say "Fuck Lero", but that spineless douche gets more than enough.

>>30774005
True that.

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mares just wanna be loved

Is there any other archive with /mlp/ and a currently available search back end? Fuck you, Desuarchive.

>>30774101
I have a question for those who waifu Luna. Would you encourage her speak old timey again, or stick to her newer way of speaking after Luna Eclipsed?

>>30774125
Anyway she wants to speak Anon.

>>30774125
>Old Equish reserved for bedroom.
>Luna knows it gets you rock-hard.
>...Celestia bemoans that no amount of sound-proofing can stop her baby sister's cries.

>>30771016
Id say the majority of people probably dislike satyrs, mainly due to the bad reputation of the General. I like the idea of satyrs somewhat, but also dislike satyr posters because I don't want to see our thread become like theirs.

>>30774191
considering thats never going to happen since the entire satyr thread isnt going to pick up and leave to come here i think your fears are completely unfounded

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>>30774191
I'm also fond of the concept by itself. It sucks that ideas with potential like that are basically nonstarters because of prior baggage.

It takes a really good trusted writefag to redeem 'taboo' topics, and make them something that can actually be discussed and explored without devolving into horrible fetish shit and shitstorms that eat whole threads.

>>30774231
I'd be interested in watching a writefag try their hand at it, but that goes into the territory of one of the show's characters falling in love with someone other than the MC, and readers in general do not like those stories. I don't know if it's deep-seated jealousy, insecurity, or greed, but whenever a story features someone else falling in love with a pony that isn't an OC or the MC, people stop reading it. Either everyone has to be pairing off with ponies left and right, or only Anon.
It really detracts from the idea of the story taking place in a living, breathing world that turns with or without the MC.

>>30774177
>Anon avoids Night Court, not because it is boring, but because Luna still uses Old Equish for formal settings
>He doesn't want to have to hide a diamond-hard boner for hours on end around a bunch of supplicants.

>>30774251
what

>>30774295
people don't like it when anyone but Anon finds love in stories, or a romance between characters that aren't Anon and the author's waifu happens.

>>30774316
I think >>30774295
means that your previous post didn't make sense
which it didn't, since we are talking about stories involving satyrs, and most of said prompts involve anon impregnating a waifu with said satyrs
you're over here talking about something completely different anon, I think you've missed the point entierly

>>30774369
satyr stories devolve into incest stories because only anon can fuck the special or exotic ponies. they can't have anyone in the story but him experiencing any kind of love or pleasure.

>>30774125
I think she speaks modern Equish now but might slip into old time speech every now and again. Maybe if flustered or taken by surprise by some statement.

>>30773887
I've been meaning to read that but haven't gotten around to it yet.

>>30774393
now that I think about it, there aren't any stories in our thread, except for LaP's multi-anon story, that have anyone else but Anon and his waifu falling in love. Everyone else just kinda...exists.

>Anon is a close friend of Shining and Cadence.
>Helps raise Flurry, given magic has a vastly-reduced effect on him.
>Shining and Cadence work so much as Flurry grows older that she eventually considers Anon her father figure over Shining.
>Although they love one another, the marriage becomes strained due to the burdens of responsibility they each have.
>The Crystal Princess is considered odd, as Anon's perceptions of gender-roles has influenced her growing up.
>When Anon begins to date around, Flurry subtly intimidates or scrutinises every mare to a ridiculous degree.
>None are good enough for her father, she finds.
>Even when it's her own mother trying to help find Anon love in dating.
>Considers a plan to hook her mother and Anon up, if it's in Anon's best interests...

>>30774519
Always shitting on poor shining, can't it just be teen mcflurry getting some, or maybe she tries to hook up papa and aunties

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Hey, I got more moonponies.

===

>The group behind you is completely quiet
>None of them know how to react
>Except for Anonymous
>Selena scowls at her husband and leans over to him
>"Of course you would find this humorous," she whisper-yells.
>"Ooh-hoo, oh, ah...Lighten up, honey," he murmurs back, "the mare looks like she's older than you are."
"Qu-queen Selena, King Anonymous, I...I'm so sorry about--"
>Anonymous waves it off with his hand.
>"It's fine, Princess, just fine. I haven't had a laugh like that in ages."
>>"My dearest husband, perhaps you have--"
>"I said it's fine, dear," Anonymous coos and rubs a hand behind one of her ears, "this is probably the first time anyone has seen a moonpony in Ponyville. Let's try to be nice about it, okay? We're not some puffed-up noble from Canterlot."
>The rest of the group just watches the exchange, afraid to say anything and ruin Anonymous' attempts to break the tension.
>She leans into his hand and closes her eyes, letting out a little huff.
>"We will try it your way, husband of mine," she sighs, giving him a peck on the lips before turning to you.
>"Princess Twilight, please see to it that the rest of Ponyville is reliably informed of our presence. While ponies like Ms. Smith may react...with confusion, others may react with fear."
"Y-yes, Queen Selena, that's a good idea."
>Granny Smith just watches the exchange with a raised eyebrow.
"Granny Smith, may I introduce you to King Anonymous and Queen Selena, rulers of the Moon. They're here to talk to your family about some land for an outpost. May we come in?"
>"I don't know about no queens and kings, but any friend of Twilight is welcome in the Apple Family home."
>She steps back from the door and walks inside.
>You give your party your best smile.
"Well, let's head on inside."
>Anonymous strides forward like that didn't just happen.
>They look at each other for a moment and follow.

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>>30774648
>"Ah'll hafta fix up s'more breakfast," Granny calls out from the kitchen, "so yall just take a seat at the table, or couches...makes yourselves at home, but mind the floors, I already swept."
"Thank you Granny Smith, but you don't need to make--"
>"Twilght Ah'll kiss a timberwolf 'fore Ah let mah family eat in front of guests. 'Sides, it looks like a few of yer new friends could stand a few more second helpings!"
>Captain Frigoris walks into the kitchen while the rest of the party sits down in the living room.
>Anonymous and Selena sit on a couch and their two personal guards (you reason, since they've been quite close to them the entire time) take a place on the floor next to them.
>Colonus sits on the opposite couch, while Villa hops up into Anonymous' lap, resting her back against the hoofrest and giving him a kiss on the cheek.
>Anonymous' arm bends at the elbow and he rubs his fingers through her hair
>You elect to remain standing, waiting for another member of the Apple Family to come down the stairs.
>You don't want any of them to panic when they see the group down here.
>Speaking of, the first one down is Applebloom.
>Her eyes are tightly shut, walking the distance by memory, the bow in her hair droopy as the pony it sits atop
>She almost runs into you while rubbing an eye with a hoof, getting a glance around the room.
>"Oh, mornin' Twi," she mumbles and heads into the kitchen.
>Big Macintosh follows soon after, stopping at the bottom of the stairs to stare at the guests in his home.
"Good morning Big Mactinosh, sleep well?" you ask, putting on your biggest smile.
>"Eyup," he answers, still looking at the strange ponies.
>Anon waves a hand at him.
"Good, well, I guess some introductions are in order, but would you like to wait for AJ to come down?"
>"Eyup."
>Seconds later you hear her at the top of the stairs, but she stops before hitting the landing to look around, then settling on you.

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>>30774652
"This is King Anonymous and Queen Selena, rulers of the Moon and Progenitors of the Moonponies."
>Both pairs nod their heads, unsure of protocol.
>Now that you think of it, should ponies be bowing to a King and Queen from a different government? They aren't subject to their rule.
>Focus! Questions for later.
>Colonus and Villa walk over next to you.
>"This is their son, Prince Colonus, and this is Villa, Head of Agricultural Research."
>Colonus pokes a hoof out of his robes and offers it to Applejack for a shake.
>"Pleased to meet you, Applejack, Big Macintosh."
>Applejack stares at him for a moment, seemingly unsure of what to do, then shakes his hoof as if lost in thought.
>This mare better not be--
>Villa sidles up to Colonus and flutters her eyelashes at Big Mac, offering him a limp and dainty hoof.
>"Yes, quite pleased indeed, Big Macintosh."
>Big Mac raises an eyebrow and takes the offered hoof.
>When she giggles into her other hoof, AJ finally snaps out of her stupor.
>Before she can open her mouth to say something less-than-diplomatic, you start to explain things.
"Sorry to spring this on you Applejack, but we're actually here to discuss something with you that involves some of the land your farm occupies."
>"And just what would that be, Twi?"
>"Applejack!" Applebloom calls out from the kitchen door, "Granny says you need to do yer talkin' in the kitchen with some food in front of you."
>Colonus looks back at Anonymous, clearly wondering how everypony will fit inside the smaller room.
>He waves him off.
>"You and Villa go on, this is your show after all."
>Applejack puts a hoof on Big Mac's leg and presses it down onto the floor, finally separating Villa from him.
>You put on a winning smile for the umpteenth-time today
>Gosh, who knew diplomacy could be so hard?

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>>30774655
>Be Applebloom
>It's too early for these horseapples.
>But Granny said the hour was no reason not to be a good host, and the Apples are always good hosts.
>Even if your guests are some weird glowy-ponies and a big green minotuar-type thing.
>You hold out a plate on your hoof, waiting for Granny to fill it.
>You've gotta take the food out to your guests.
>Your brother, sister, Twi, and the two tall and glowing ponies take a seat around the table.
>Applejack doesn't look to happy, she keeps givin that mare the stinkeye.
>You take another plate on your back and head out to the living room to the sound of chairs squeaking behind you.
>The couch is completely full with the two of them.
>Stallions first, just like Granny taught you.
"Here's yer breakfast, Mister, uh, Prince, sir..."
>Well he's got a crown on his head.
>At least you think it's a crown, it's not very big.
>He reaches out with a hand to grab the one on your head first.
>"Thank you, Applebloom," his deep voice entones with a smile, "I'm King Anonymous, and this here is my wife, Queen Selena."
>Even though he's really big, he kinds reminds you of your brother.
>His wife looks kinda familiar, somehow.
"Yer welcome! And one for you, yer highness."
>"Thank you, young one," she smiles too
>Her voice sounds awful funny, just like those other ponies.
>Like she's got an echo or something.
>You also spot fangs.
>Lots of them.
>If you remember right, the only ponies that have fangs are evil, or some kinda monster.
>She's Twilight's guest, though, so you can rule out both.
>Probably.

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>>30774658
>Spike has some, but he eats diamonds and stuff.
>Maybe she's some kinda dragon?
"Sorry we don't got any gems for ya, we're not a rock farm or nothin, just apples."
>Her eyebrows raise under a long, glowing horn.
>Two strips of haybacon float over to her plate.
>"Oh? And why might you offer Us gems?"
"I saw you got sharp teeth just like mah friend Spike. He's a dragon, and he sure likes to chow down on some gems and stuff. I thought you might like some too, but we don't got any."
>She puts a silver-shoed hoof up to her mouth with a giggle.
>You think it's a giggle.
>Her voice sounds kinda strange, and her giggle sounds more like a villain from your comic books, sorta.
>"Thank you for your consideration, filly, but We do not consume gems."
>"Not literally..." King Anonymous mumbles around a mouthful of pancakes.
>She narrows her cat-eyes at him, then you see her magic touch wrap around his fork.
>Not paying attention, the syrup-covered bite flicks upward at the last second and he pushes it into his nose.
>You laugh a little when Anonymous jumps a little bit.
>He puts a hand on her back.
>"You know I love you honey."
>You head back into the kitchen for the next few plates.
>AJ doesn't sound too happy.
>"What in tarnation do you mean, that ain't our land? We've been growin' apples here since before Ah was born!"
>Twilight is tapping the blue-checkered tablecloth with a hoof.

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>>30774662
>"I know, but those trees are actually outside the boundaries of your land, AJ. The vast acreage of your farm doesn't actually extend there. They must have grown there by mistake!"
>Maybe you should eat your own breakfast in the living room.
>Granny sets a plate on your hoof, head, and back.
>"What did I tell you youngins about talkin' business without some food in front of ye? Calm yer blabbin, it ain't gonna do nopony any good to talk on an empty stomach."
>"Sorry, Granny," AJ replies as you exit again.
>Anonymous has finished eating, his plate resting on the coffee table, while Selena is delicately taking bites with a floating fork.
>You walk over to one of the weird guards sitting on the floor on either side of the couch and look at her for a moment.
>How are they supposed to see?
>All they got sticking out of those helmets is their horns, ears, and mouth at the bottom.
>"Just set the plates on the floor in front of them," Anonymous tells you, "They'll eat quickly."
"Ah dunno, it don't seem right to set 'em on the floor like we do fer Winona."
>"That's...actually a good point. Set them on the coffee table."
>You set all three plates down and look back at Anonymous.
"Why're they sittin on the floor anyhow? We got another couch right there."
>"Oh, they chose that as the best spot. They're guards, so I expect them to know where to sit and stuff."
>Speaking of which, wasn't that grown-up sitting on Anonymous' lap?
"And why was that other pony sittin on your lap earlier?"
>"I'm her, uh, great-times-alot-grandfather. My grandchildren like to sit on my lap when they can."
"Even when they're all grown-up?"
>"Yup, I'm pretty big, so they'll always be small enough to do it."
>"And," Selena comments between bites, "my dearest husband cannot resist the pleading eyes of a pony begging to do so."
>You walk over to the other couch and hear some ruffling on the other one.
>Your ears swivel to hear the queen murmuring something.
>"Go on, dearest, ask her."

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>>30774669
>"Hey, uh, Applebloom?" Anonymous asks.
>You turn to look at him.
>"Would you like to sit in my lap while you eat?"
>You tilt your head.
>He is a guest, but you shouldn't just go around sitting in ponies' laps just because they ask you to.
>What would Granny think?
>"Go on, young one," Queen Selena coos, "it is not every day that you have the chance to sit in the lap of a King."
>She makes a good point.
>If it's good enough for grown-up ponies, it's good enough for you.
>Because you are a big pony.
>You have your cutiemark and everything.
"Alright, I guess so."
>You walk over to him and plant your butt down, raising both your hooves like when your brother used to pick you up.
>Anonymous makes a strange face before scooping you up with his big hands and placing you in his lap.
>You turn around on his big legs and reach out for the plate left on the table, which Queen Selena floats over to you.
"Thanks, yer highness."
>Anonymous shifts a bit underneath you as you dig in.
>This is...actually kinda nice.
>His legs are warm and soft, but kinda firm, and his stomach makes a nice backrest.
>You pick up your plate with both hooves and dig in.
>Another strange pony comes out of the kitchen with three cups floating in her magic.
>She gives you a strange look too, before shaking her head.
>Her horn pulses a few times and they float over to the table.
>"Hey, don't look at me like that, Frig," Anonymous says behind you, lightly patting your back, "I know you wanted this spot, but her family is feeding us breakfast, so it's only right she gets it."
>"I would have expected nothing less, All-Father," she responds in a flat tone.
>"How proceeds the negotiations?" Queen Selena asks.
>"Tumultuous, but not hostile."

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>>30774673
>Frig's horn pulses again and the sack on the couch lifts up and floats over to her.
>"Let Colonus know he can offer them whatever they want," Anonymous tells her before she goes back into the kitchen.
>You don't know just what they're talking about, but you're busy eating.
>It's quite in the living room for a bit, just the sounds of breakfast and Anonymous breathing behind you.
>...
>"Damn this is comfy," Anonymous breaks the silence.
>"Language, dearest," Selena says next to you, "not in front of the foal."
"Hey I'm not a foal," you protest, setting your plate on the coffeetable, "I got my cutiemark and everything."
>You stand up in his lap and point at what you worked so hard to get.
>Anonymous puts a big soft hand on your head and ruffles your hair.
>It annoys you, but it feels to good to stop him.
>"Of course you are," he says, "look where you're sitting. The Captain wanted this spot."
>He grabs the cup of apple juice for you after you try to reach it from way up here.
>Hey wait a minute...
>One of those plates is empty.
>You didn't even see anypony touch it!
>You point to it.
"Hey, what happened to the food?"
>"What's wrong?"
"That one's empty, and Ah didn't see nopony touch it!"
>"Well, someone ate breakfast when you weren't looking," Anonymous says.
>You turn around to look at him, and he's got a smile on his face.
"No pony eats that fast, not even Pinkie Pie!"
>"Quick, look!" Anonymous points to the other one.
>Now it's empty, too.
"Hey!"
>You prop your forelegs over the hoofrest on the side of the couch to stare at the guard, waiting for her to move.
>...nothing.
>Not even a crumb...
"How'd they do that?"

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>>30774679
>Anonymous ruffles your hair again.
>"Magic."
"What? Even Ah know a pony's gotta see what they're doing when they use that fancy magic stuff. What are they, some kinda ninja ponies? How do they see with that big ol'helmet all over their face?"
>You stare at her some more, waiting to see if she'll move.
>Anonymous picks you up from your belly and sets you back down across his lap.
>"Hey, it's not polite to stare, Applebloom. They aren't ninja ponies, but my personal guard."
>His arm rests on your back and his fingers run through your hair.
>Well, slap you silly and call you a strawberry, you're comfier right now than a Princess in a Bakery.
>"The Avus Custodes," Queen Selena says from right next to you, "The personal guardians of King Anonymous, the highest honor for anypony in my Galaxy."
"How--"
>You can't help but let out a yawn.
"How can do they do that if'n they can't see nothin?"
>"Your eyes are not your only sense, young Applebloom, and may in time deceive you."
"You sound kinda like Zecora..."
>"Who?"
>You roll over onto your back, letting Anonymous rub your belly.
"She's this real wise Zebra out in the Everfree, talks all criti--cryptic like, in rhymes and riddles and stuff."
>"She definitely must be wise, if she sounds like my wife," Anonymous says.
>She giggles and leans over for a kiss.
>You look closely at the crown on his head as they do.
>It's so much smaller than hers, just a silver ring-type thing with a black gem in the center.
"Why's yer crown so small?"
>"Hmm?"
"Yer crown. It's real small compared to the one yer wife is wearin."
>"Well, it's small so it will stay on. It's awful tight around my noggin."
"I thought kings just sit around tellin other ponies what to do," you comment, and hear the queen giggle/cackle again, "Do you do a bunch of wrasslin or somethin?"

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>>30774684
>"No, it's so that I don't take it off. It's stuck, see?"
>He reaches both hands up and grabs it on either side.
>His arms tense and try to push it off, but it doesn't move.
>Soon his head is twisting either which way, trying to get a good angle, like it's a lid stuck on a jar.
>"Not coming off today either, I guess," he says, looking defeated.
>Gosh does he look sad.
"Um...do ya want some help?"
>His eyes light up.
>"Yes! Would you please?"
"Sure!"
>Granny and AJ always taught you never to deny a stallion in need.
>What kinda wife just lets her husband walk around with a crown stuck on his head all the time?
>Must be awful to try and sleep with it on.
>"Okay," both his hands come up again and he leans forward, curling his fingers around the edges, "I'll push, and you pull."
>You stand up in his lap and put a hoof on either side.
>Granny and AJ will sure be proud to see you've helped a stallion, and a King Stallion no less!
>"On three."
>You tense.
>"One, two...three!"
>You pull back as hard as you can, and he grunts in effort to push.
>This thing really is stuck on there!
>"Pull harder!"
"Ah'm tryin!"
>It starts to budge a little bit.
>"Almost...got it..."
>You put both your back hooves onto his chest and pull with all your might.
>Come on, you're an Apple for Celestia's sake!
>You can always count on your legs!
>Suddenly it gives, and you launch yourself across the room to land on the couch with the crown in your hands.
"Hey," you pant, "We did it! We did..."
>Uh oh.
>Anonymous is slumped back against the couch.

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>>30774690
>His mouth is hanging open and his eyes have rolled back, going crazy under his fluttering eyelids.
>He snaps to attention and stands up.
>"You did it Applebloom! You did it!"
>He comes around and picks you up, spinning you around in his arms.
>You notice in the corner of your eye Queen Selena has a hoof over her mouth, her eyes wide.
>"I'm free! I'm finally free!"
"Huh?"
>"I'm out of her e~evil clutches, now I can be my own man!"
>He suddenly turns very grim and takes the crown from your hooves.
>"Now to just...Oh no...I-I can't stop it!"
>The crown pulls his arms around in several different directions, then shoots down around your head.
>It sits more like a necklace.
>He gives you a very sad look.
>"I'm so sorry, Applebloom, but it looks like you're the King now."
>Oh horseapples!
>You didn't know it was cursed!
>That's why it wouldn't come off!
"B-but I don't wanna be a King! I wanna stay an Apple!"
>Maybe Twilight can figure something out!
>Or you could get Zecora to shrink your head or something to get it off.
>"Nope, sorry. You gotta figure out a way to get it off of you now, and I don't want it coming back to me.
>He stretches quickly and makes for the door.
>"Just remember, do whatever Queen Selena says, or you're in trouble, and take good care of the Moon! I'm gonna do whatever I want now, and nobody can stop me!"
>He opens the door and lets out a loud cackle.
>You start to hyperventilate.
"But Ah don't wanna be King! AH DON'T WANNA BE KING, GET IT OFF!"
>"Father, PLEASE!" you hear from the kitchen.
>Queen Selena lets out a hearty laugh and Anonymous strides back to you with a big smile on his face.
>His finger boops your nose.
>"Got you."
"W-what?"
>He slips the crown right off of you and back onto his head, lifting it up and down with one finger.
>Seeing your face, he scoops you up into a big hug.
>"It was just a little joke, I'm not mind-controlled or anything."

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>>30774692
>Queen Selena stops laughing long enough to comment.
>"He does so enjoy pranks, young one. You are not the first to fall victim to his 'ruse cruise.'"
>You catch your breath and, after a moment, start to laugh.
>You try and give him a good sluggin like you do the girls, but it kind of hurts your hoof against his chest.
"You sure got me good, Yer Highness. I was in a right panic!"
>He laughs with you, not even noticing you hit him.
>He takes you back to the couch and sets you in his lap again.
>"Ah, gets them every time..."
>He leans down to whisper in your ear.
>"She does control me, though. Get help!"
>The queen gives him a kick in the leg, which actually causes him to flinch, but he laughs again.
>The Captain peeks her head in the room, her glowing eyes peeking out from under her hood.
>"Crown prank again?"
>Anonymous has a giant grin on his face.
>"Yup!"
>The captain doesn't look impressed.
>"At least Mother Moon did not send me to chase you down this time."
>"Oh, don't be such a debbie-downer. Have some fun once in a while!"
>"As you say, All-Father."
>She ducks back into the kitchen and Anonymous looks over to his wife.
>"Maybe we ought to give her more Leave."
>"You know she would not make use of it," she responds.
>"True, true...I think I'm gonna need a nap after all those carb-cakes, though."
>"Rest as you wish, it may be some time before our son has completed his negotiations.

===

I decided to skip most of the negotiations again, since it got too boring to have to re-explain everything. Just a bit of a silly update for now, but I'll include the important bits of the negotiation in the next one, I just hope it's not getting too boring with nothing but sitting around and talking. let me know what you think.

https://pastebin.com/N6W5REma

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>>30771698

>>30774695
The comedy was wonderful and perfect. Gave a good balance to the update. It's great to see the joyous, loving relationship King Anon and Queen Selena have with each other and their progeny. I absolutely loved it all. Also, if I haven't mentioned before, I'm touched to see the concepts and phrases we've discussed in prior threads within your words. You've done well with the lore the general produced Lithonius. Thank you and I look forward to the next update.

>>30773232
>I kind of want a story with a Lero, expect he doesn't act like, well, Lero.
Seriously. It was like what I imagine that vampire book was like. A guy absurdly obsessed with being super into whatever you're in to with women, preferring to be on the giving side than the receiving side 99% of the time, and working towards what seems like a 10-1 orgasm ratio between the mare and him. And I'm pretty sure this story didn't have the "standard human stamina is forever compared to ponies" idea.

Being outgunned by ponies in most respects and having to use his wits to work his way out of any trouble he gets in was a good point.

Like that story where he gets kidnapped by chrysalis, taken to some empty mining outpost, and they find that he was able to stab the demigod in this canon, at least changeling with an iron rod. All because he was able to remember that changelings are an old earth legend. Fey creatures. He then remembered that a fey's weakness is iron. Chrysalis has a sort of mental breakdown because backstory, and the ponies get to pick Lero up, who saved himself and neutralized a threat. Even if he was terrified and injured in the process.

A little more backbone, or goals beyond worshipping his girlfriend, would be nice.

That story got me into clop, but I honestly try to skip it on my current reread, because I wanted fish out of water culture shock shenanigans. That and every scene kind of felt the same. It was... and I know the audience I'm talking to... gratuitous smut.

>>30774780
I'm currently trying to read up the "cutie mark swap" episodes so I can reread the scenes with the swapped Rarity and him.

She initially teaches him about pony culture with cheap romance movies (nice characterization there), and then the incident after the confession was pretty good too.

The story, IIRC, ends up being a bit more action-packed. Some kidnapping, some well-written fights with a gang hired to kidnap Lero. There were some decent antagonist characters, and everyone got to show their stuff.

Lero had a bad time and is probably mildy traumatized, but it was a good little story arc.

I think they ignore the abortion of a plot thread with Lero's time in the "other world" in favour of the cutie mark swap magic being the primary antagonistic force in the story.

>>30774695
Next thread edition should be named "ruse cruise"
I'm loving this story

>>30774695
>>30774757
Holy shit this anon knocked it out of the park. What he said. Loving what you're putting out faggot, keep it up! Quickly, before the propellers come.

>>30774695
I love this story, good job.

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>>30774695
10/10

>>30774824
which spin-off are you talking about?

>>30775191
Divided Rainbow.

I think the Chrysalis Kidnap story might be in one of the other compilations, but it's been a few years, so I'm not sure.

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we never see glimglam in any of these stories. is she in lesbians with twiggles, or does everyone here just hate her that much?

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>>30775429
She stays in the trash where she belongs.

Or, maybe she could be one of those cult leaders who has hundreds of the opposite sex obsessed with them and proposing marriage while they're in prison.

>>30775429
I don't think it is hate, nobody really cares about her.
Almost everyone who liked her don't care because of her massive personality shift, and everyone who didn't like her still don't
I don't hate her, but she is far from my favorite pony.

As for writefags, she doesn't have much of a personality aside from muh past, Trixie, and kites. She just isn't fun to write imo.

>>30775429
Personally, I haven't watched most of the episodes she's in, so I don't have a good idea of how she talks, or her personality.

>>30774695
Ya doing good there Lithonius. Loved the Applebloom section, was very cute.

>>30775429
She already shits up the rest of the board, one general free of her cancer is a good idea.

Even if it's just this one.

>>30774854
+1 For ruse cruise.

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NOOOOOOOOO

I CAN'T SEE THE ECLIPSE, IT'S TOO CLOUDY

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>>30776174
HERESY! Your local weather team will be flayed alive for this insolence!

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>>30774695
Aww yeah, this is the good stuff right here.

>>30776174
>looking at the eclipse
enjoy being blind senpai

>>30774780
>A guy absurdly obsessed with being super into whatever you're in to with women, preferring to be on the giving side than the receiving side 99% of the time, and working towards what seems like a 10-1 orgasm ratio between the mare and him.

>>30774824
>the scenes with the swapped Rarity and him.

The cutie mark swap Xeno story was downright cringey. He damn near cried when he came into Rarity's mouth (at her own insistence, to the point where she held him down and made him do it) and I could feel the hat-tipping coming off of him as he explained how "degrading" it was for her when he came in her mouth... despite all the oral sex he happily dispenses to his herdmates. I know that this particular story wasn't written by the original author, but did the writer have some kind of inferiority complex?

>>30775429
I have no strong personal feelings about her one way or the other. She looks cute, though, so there's that.

>>30776288
>hat-tipping
>inferiority complex
the pozz spares only those that actively resist it. everyone else become victims from apathy or actively imbibing it.

>>30774854
>>30776053
+2 for rus cruise

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ECLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPSE

TOTAL AND COMPLETE DARKNESS

>>30773295
Take a look at the sentence and notice how clumsily it's worded. It just begs to be interpreted literally for amusement. Horses don't have any bones in their penises, by the way.

>>30776648
how would she get it just right for totality? she'd have to eyeball it first.

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Don't worry everyone, Celestia is back.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4Ta5w8iqzs

>>30774467
I posit that this is because the primary purpose of this type of fanfiction/greentext in general is to
A. Recount a story that you personally experienced.(i.e. The ">be me, >do absurd thing" posts that become famous easily)
B. To mockingly deconstruct something dumb (i.e. ">r9k, >not a virgin, pick one")
C. To make a short statement meant to elicit comraderie due to shared feelings (i.e. ">tfw no gf" or ">you will never")
Or
D. Flagrantly self insert.

Basically all fanfics fall into category D, since most of our lives suck and we crave escapism.

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You can see the international space station if you look closely.