Magicless Anon #17 : I fixed the OP edition

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>thread died for an entire day

We aren't gonna make it bros.

We'll make it just fine. HK still needs to finish his story, and once he's done if no one else steps up to the plate I'll try my hand at things.

Psuedo magus needs to get added to the next OP. Can't remember if there are other stories going on that aren't up there either.

Page 9 already?

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Well, I'm flattered you guys redemptsurrected a thread that's been dead for a day.
To read my okay green.
You know what? You'll get a nice, chunky update today, in an hour or two.
Don't quote me on that

captcha: bush holding

Paranoid bump

>>30608316
>SLAP
>No!
>Pull yourself together, filly!
>You have work to do!
>You'll deal with... whatever the hay these changes are, later!
>Sitting back up after that slap, you give yourself one more splash of water, before finally turning the taps off.
>You make do with the towel, instead of a drying spell.
>All right.
>At least you'd found some kind of pattern to the headaches.
>At first, they came around every two hours.
>But it seems to be dropping off as the days go on.
>Actually, where's the clock...?
>...
>Ah, this time it was five hours!
>It was just over four hours, before!
>So at the very least, it was dropping off fast!
>If only their intensity also dropped off, too...
>Agh, no!
>Focus!
>Retrace your steps, what were you--
>Ahh, right!
>Anonymous's untimely capture!
>The high from learning about it was very much gone for good, sadly.
>But the thought still brought a smile to your face.
>Still, you couldn't just rest on your laurels here.
>This human defied both Incognito's predictions, and almost beat you with dirty tricks back at the castle!
>Who's to say he won't find some way to weasel out of this, too?
>You need to watch him closely.
>You take the disguise of Slow Descent again, and make your way to the window.
>The room you had was on the second floor, so it was a decent enough vantage point.
>Which just so happens to have a nice view of the jailhouse.
>And would you look at that?
>The guard posting around it is significantly larger than normal.
>Funny, though.
>The royal guard from before were primarily thestrals.
>These were all unicorns.

>>30634526
>Hm...
>They seemed a lot more decorated than most of the castle guard, too.
>And you didn't recognize the crest on the front of their armour.
>Instead of the little blue star, it was a seven-pointed sun symbol.
>That's...
>That's not standard issue.
>Are they some kind of... elite force?
>If that's the case, you're thankful you don't need to fight them.
>Yet.
>You're hopeful about being able to get Anonymous thrown away in prison.
>Already, you can picture it.
>You'd sneak in through a change of the guard.
>You'd find him, chained up and defenseless.
>And then you'd finally kill him, and rid Incognito of that problem.
>But.
>That's still contingent on this going well.
>And right now, the jailhouse was too well defended.
>You're not risking your element of surprise on a far-off chance of ending him right now.
>Besides, you've got a day until the hearing, to plan how you're going to approach this.
>Maybe flesh out your 'accusation', make it more convincin--
>Wait.
>There's two guards down there, yelling at each other.
>When did this start?
>You open the window, and listen in:
>"--ny times must I repeat myself? We don't answer to the EUP structure, nor to princess Luna."
>"Damn it, Light! Can't you see how this is a stupid idea?!"
>"Your judgment is obviously compromised by you and your division's close ties to the human, Razor Wind."
>"Oh, and your judgment's any better? You fillies get some bucking visions or something, huffing each other's fumes?"
>Uh...
>Wow.
>This is more heated than you thought.

>>30634529
>The mare of the exchange was in that sun-crested armour. A white unicorn, orange striped mane, darker orange eyes.
>The stallion was clad in modestly decorated Night Guard armour. A gray thestral, light blue mane, sapphire eyes.
>And it was obvious from the emotions they radiated, that they had no love for one another.
>Competing guard divisions, perhaps? Personal rivalry?
>You're not sure.
>But, wait...
>'Close ties to the human'?
>"You worthle-- Ahem. Our division is guided by Celestia herself. If she suspects dark magic at play, who are we to question it?"
>"Oh, forget this. First you keep me out of the visiting window, now you blow my inquiries off?"
>He turns away, anger and frustration radiating strongly from him.
>"Hope you're ready to get bucking stomped at the hearing tomorrow. If there even is one."
>"Keep walking, bat!"
>"Dickhead."
>Huh.
>And here you thought Anonymous had a... colourful vocabulary.
>But that thestral sure had a mouth on him.
>Still...
>That can't be a coincidence.
>Let's check the time...
>Okay, it's only four right now.
>You've got a couple of hours.
>And this pony has really caught your eye.
>Casting your invisibility spell, you crawl out of the window, and glide to the nearest rooftop.
>You tail him from the rooftops, nopony the wiser.
>His destination seems to be...
>Twilight's castle?
>Oh, so that's his plan?
>Go over Celestia's head?
>...
>Okay, that's actually a decent plan.
>So, he wasn't as dumb as the other guards.
>All the more reason to follow him closely.

>>30634535
>The thestral, Razor Wind, reaches the door, knocking hard several times.
>What answers is...
>Ah, a baby dragon.
>That must be Spike, the one the other lings mentioned.
>"Geez, what's the hurr-- Oh, captain! What's up?"
>"Listen, there's no time. Anon's in a heap of trouble, and I can't help him out of it."
>"Wait, Anon's in trouble?!"
>"Yeah, and to spring him outta it, I need to see princess Twilight right away. Where is she?"
>"S-she's in her study. She asked not to be disturbed, though."
>"Well, she's gonna get disturbed. Lead on."
>A shaky nod is accompanied by him doing just that.
>"I understand you can send letters to the princesses, too?"
>"Y-yeah?"
>"Slow down a bit, because I need you to take one for princess Luna."
>"S-sure, let me just grab a quill..."
>Oh, you're joking.
>They're pulling all the stops out for him?
>Just how in bed with the royals is that stupid human, anyway?!
>While the dragon rushes to a nearby desk, you...
>Whoa.
>Was...
>Was that emotional rift always there?
>Not here, but...
>Somewhere in the upper floors.
>While those two are preoccupied with dictating a letter, you fly up the stairs to investigate.
>Okay...
>Whatever it is, it's coming from behind those doors.
>Gah, why'd they have to be so big?
>Your silence spell can't cover the whole thing!
>Okay, think.
>Is there window access?
>You check around for any presences behind a nearby, much smaller door.
>Nothing, good.
>You silently open it, revealing an empty room.
>With a nicely sized window.
>Perfect.
>Carefully prying it open, you fly outside.

>>30634540
>Oh, there's not just a window, but a whole porch!
>At least this was going well!
>Setting down, you--
>Oh, the window's already open!
>Behind it, you can see...
>Huh.
>That's Generosity, sitting next to Twilight Sparkle.
>It's only now, that you notice the massive emotional rift.
>It's coming from said princess.
>Geez...
>You knew alicorns were powerful, but why are her emotions particularly powerful now?
>She wasn't doing this back at the castle!
>And they were confused. Conflicted. Sad. Happy. And...
>Wait...
>Lovestruck?
>The taste of alicorn love hits you like a train when you notice it.
>S-so good...
>No!
>D-damn it, not now!
>You can't risk your mission, just for some love!
>O-oh gosh, that explains a lot!
>Fighting the urge to feed, you sneak behind a couch to listen in:
>"--arling, there's no shame in it. You've known each other for years."
>"It's just... This whole thing, the attack. It's changed him."
>"Yes, I've noticed it too. He seems a lot more... serious than before."
>"It's more than that. I've never seen him so... dedicated before. So determined.
>"And through it all, he still manages to be a big, foul-mouthed goof."
>You have to stifle a whimper at the wave of love that hits you.
>"He even told me that he's doing this for us. To keep us safe."
>"Ooh, a fledgling hero type? Just like in the minotaur sonnets!"
>"Yeah..."
>You never thought you'd be glad to feel love being diminished, and replaced with sadness.
>"Complete with the... competing suitor."
>"Oh, darling, is that what this is all about?"

>>30634550
>She hangs her head, the sadness and conflict rising up above the other emotions.
>Right as Generosity pulls her into an embrace, somepony knocks on the door.
>Oh, damn it!
>They finished that letter already?!
>The two mares flinch a bit at the sudden intrusion, and frustration colours both of their feelings.
>The princess opens the door with her magic, obviously preparing for a tirade.
>She never gets the chance, as the door is pushed open the rest of the way by that thestral.
>His presence surprises both of them.
>"S-sergeant? Wh-what are you doing here?"
>"Sorry about the intrusion, princess, but we've got an emergency on our hooves here."
>"What? What happened?"
>"Celestia's shown up in town, with a squad of Sol Invictus guards. They arrested Anon half an hour ago."
>Now you have to bite back a yelp, as the princess's shock also hits you.
>"WHAT?!"
>"She did what?! On what charge?!"
>"Get this: practicing dark magic, of all things."
>"WHY WOULD-- No, he wouldn't do something like that!"
>"I know, I've been watching him work. Totally dark magic free."
>"W-why, then?!"
>"Look, I don't know why she came after him like that, out of the blue.
>"But she relieved me of my mission to guard him, and none of her guards are listening to me.
>"Hay, they wouldn't even let me see him, after they locked him up at the jailhouse!"
>Gaaah!
>These stupid alicorns, and their strong emotions!
>She's flipped to anger and determination at breakneck pace.
>"Rarity, get the girls! Sergeant, let's pay the jailhouse a visit!"
>"Yes, ma'am!"
>...

>>30634562
"So, like, me, Unknown, and Nameless were stumbling around like retards, with these half-empty bottles of tequila in our hands, right?
"Well, except for Unknown. Dude's a total weeb, and only drinks the most nippon of sake, you see.
"But yeah, we were just fumblefucking through the street, drunk off our asses, when we come across this fuckin' Chinese festival."
>You're pretty sure you're the only one snickering right now.
"So... So Nameless just strolls up to the... dragon costume guy, and he-- pffft... H-he says, 'have a drink', and just..."
>God, you can't recall this with a straight face.
"And just... chucks the bottle right at the head, and... Haah, oh God, the dude just drops!"
>This calls for a good hold on your gut.
>Because fucking hell, that never got old.
>After your minor case of losing your shit, you take stock of your merry band of captors again.
>God, tough crowd.
>Five of eight are still stone-faced, the rest are grinning like idiots.
"Hooo, so yeah. That's how I got the drunk tank, for the third time. Pretty sure ol' Nameless got the slammer, though. Poor dude."
>One of them snickers.
>The stoniest of stone-faced guards, some green pony, gives the guy a death glare.
>And his smile just evaporates right off his face.
>You swear, greeny there growled a bit.
"So what's your problem?"
>He doesn't respond, but he's clearly more than a little bit mad.
"Geez, you sure take 'captain of the fun police' seriously, at least."
>Ahh, now he's growling proper.
"What's with you and my drunk stories, anyway? Did a drunk story kill your--"

>>30634568
>SLAM
>Well, that green armoured hoof against the bars stopped that line.
>And he's giving you the death glare, to boot.
>...
"You know, that worked a lot better when Incognito did it."
>growling_intensifies.m3u
"Actually, come to think of it, where were you fucks when he attacked the castle, anyway?"
>And now he's unlocking the cell door, presumably to fuck you up.
>Well, until an orange magic aura pulled his whole body away from the door.
>"Stow it, soldier."
>Oh, great.
>That voice, you recognize.
>And the pony marching down matches the voice.
>It's that fucking gestapo head pony, this time in guard armour.
>"I don't appreciate you antagonizing my soldiers, mister Anonymous."
"Hey, I'm trying to get 'em to smile. But mister Grinch here didn't approve."
>"Getting them to laugh? Is this some kind of game to you?"
"Gotta find the joy in whatever 'ya can."
>"Well, at least that attitude will serve you well, when you're rotting in the crystal caves."
"If."
>"Excuse me?"
"If I start rotting in the caves."
>Oh yes, her +2 haughty chuckle of condescension.
>"Oh, dear. You think there's some way out of this for you?"
"Babe, I'm sure of it."
>"I'm sure your attempts to escape will be genuinely entertaining."
"Now, see, you're half right. It'll definitely be entertaining, but I'm not doing any escaping."
>Before she can respond, you hear some shouting going on upstairs.
>One of her posse comes down the stairs.
>"Ma'am, the... the princess of friendship is demanding to see the prisoner!"
"You know, I think my gut qualifies as a prophet by now, or something."

>>30634575
>She turns from the impromptu messenger to fix you a death glare of her own.
"Oh, what are you complaining about? It's not like you folks don't operate off pure nepotism, anyways."
>Even on ponies you don't like, the scrunch is still adorable as hell.
>"This isn't over."
"Funny, I was thinking the same thing."
>The shouting gets closer, and has rustling added to it.
>Putting on her own stone-face, she trots upstairs to greet it.
>"Princess Twilight. You do not have the authority to--"
>"OUT OF MY WAY!"
>Large flashes of magic accompanied her...
>Well...
>Shit.
>You've never heard her yell like that before.
>It was... actually kinda frightening.
>Then, you see a certain purple pony storm down the stairs.
>And whoa-ly o'fuck.
>Her pissed expression was made all the more scary, with the crackling horn.
>Some of the guards tried to get in her way.
>Operative word being 'tried'.
>Since they were all just levitated up into the air, and almost-thrown up the stairwell.
>It's at that point that your eyes lock.
>Instantly, you notice her expression lighten up.
>"Anon!"
>Before you can even respond, she teleports into your cell, and tackles you before the flash had even dissipated.
"H-hey there, Twilight..."
>Before you can wrap your arms around her, she pulls back, and raises her forele--
>SMACK
"Yeow!"
>The fuck?!
>She just smacked you upside the head!
>Left hand now rubbing the hoof-shaped mark on your cheek, you notice her expression.
>It's changed again, only this time to...
>Uh...
>You don't really know what to describe it as.
>Happy and angry? Grateful and hateful?

>>30634581
>Fuck, you're just confused now.
>And now, she goes right back to hugging yo--
>thump
>Aaaand why is she punching your chest, too?!
>Granted, it doesn't really hurt that much.
>But still, what's going on--
>...
>Is she...
>Crying?
>Oh...
>That...
>Shit.
>It was at this moment that Anon realized, he done fucked up.
"Guess... ah, shit. Guess I deserved that one, huh?"
>You don't get a response.
>You weren't really expecting one.
>A minute of this passes, before you start bringing your free hand around, to scratch--
>"You said I wouldn't need to pick sides."
>And that hand freezes in mid-air.
"I did."
>A sniffle.
"Guess... guess I was wrong, huh?"
>Your hand flops back to your side.
"Boy, I'm just full of bad ideas, aren't I?"
>That line is punctuated by another hoof-shaped sock in the gut.
>You know what, not even gonna complain.
>And so there you sit, feeling like an absolute dick, getting--
>"WHAT HAVE YOU MISCREANTS DONE WITH SIR ANONYMOUS?!"
>Aaaaand the pair of you just jumped badly at that loud announcement.
>You've never actually heard Luna's 'Royal Canterlot Voice' before.
>It's quite something, that's for sure.
>...
>Wait.
>Luna's here, too?
>And she's looking for you?
>When did she show up?
>A million thoughts a second fly through your head.
>And through it all, Twilight still holds on to you.
>You can't tell yet whether it's from fear, or something else.
>Loud hoofsteps can be heard above, until finally some armoured hooves come down the stairs.
>They belonged to a Night Guard you didn't recognize.

>>30634594
>Following the guard was none other than Luna herself.
>To say she looked pissed, would be...
>Okay, not an understatement, but definitely a Captain Obvious moment.
>The moment her gaze lands on the pair of you, she lightens right up.
>And Twilight's hold tightens.
>"Anonymous! You are unharmed!"
"Y-yeah, in body, anyways. Pride, not so much."
>Her expression changes to serious-business mode.
>"Captain Razor Wind told me everything in a letter. I left the castle as soon as I could.
>"Anonymous, have you indeed been practicing the dark arts?"
>That question was asked with decidedly more scare-factor than you would have liked.
"N-no! Hell, no!"
>"Then why was my sister so quick to incarcerate you?"
"Look, I don't know. She reacted badly to my way of doing magic. Said it was dark magic, even though it's not."
>Confusion overtakes the serious look on her face.
>"Do you mean, by chance, the method you demonstrated to me after your encounter with the changeling queen?"
"Yeah, that one. She even named the invisible things outside my house. Name dropped my spellbook's authors, too."
>You feel Twilight let go just enough to poke her head up.
>She looks confused, too.
>"Y-your book's authors? What authors?"
>A golden flash to Luna's left follows that line.
>Out popped, to nobody's surprise, Celestia herself.
>Except she was also accompanied by four of those Invictus guards.
>The whole group of five had their horns aglow, and were dropped into a combat stance.
>Celestia was the first to break it, another confused and worried look on her face.

>>30634605
>"SISTER!"
>And Luna was the first to break the silence.
>Very, very loudly.
>"What is the meaning of this?!"
>To Celestia's credit, she recovers quickly, and responds on a dime:
>"I have placed Anonymous under arrest, Luna, for performing the blackest of magic."
>The way she said that, how serious it was...
>It probably would have convinced all parties, if they didn't know what you were doing ahead of time.
>"And just what, precisely, makes his particular magic evil, sister?!"
>A fact that totally catches Celestia off guard, from the looks of it.
>"You-- You mean you have seen it?"
>"Yes! He gave me and Twilight a demonstration of his tools, during his recovery after the battle with Chrysalis!"
>"And you allowed him to keep them?!"
>"I fail to see what harm there is in having him keep his constructs, during these dangerous times!
>"Particularly when they are true neutral presences, devoid of any dark magic!"
>You and Twilight just kind of... stare at the exchange.
>Celestia's expression gains a bit of... calm and confusion, in equal measure.
>"True neutral?"
>"Of course! Myself and Twilight verified it ourselves!
>"And I am certain Anonymous would be more than happy to demonstrate for you, as well!"
>She adopts a particularly nasty sneer.
>"Provided, of course, that you and your... secretive destroyers of knowledge have not destroyed all of his work!"
>Destroyed your--
>...
>A chill runs through you.
>That's right.
>They torch forbidden knowledge.
>Oh, dear God in heaven.
>Did she really...?
>No.
>Please don't tell me they torched your place.

>>30634613
>You just stare on at Celestia's face, looking for a sign.
>Please, anything.
>Anything to at least hint at your lab not being destroyed.
>Her expression falls, along with your gut.
>"I had hoped you would not learn about that."
>"Why? What did you think my reaction would have been, Tia?!"
>Her head falls a bit.
>"It... it seems we have much to discuss."
>Her guards stand down, with a small glow from the tip of her horn.
>Luna still does not look happy.
>And looking down at Twilight, reveals her very conflicted face.
>Going back to Celestia, she's gotten a whole lot sadder.
>"We only just found a secret passage, within his cellar. I have ordered my ponies to cease their activities, for now."
>You let out the breath you only just realized you were holding.
>Holy shit.
>They were about to torch your place.
>"It was surprisingly well hidden. The craftsmareship on the passage door was better than we expected."
>"It is a start. Now, perhaps we can come to an understanding, that does not involve wanton destruction?"
>Luna didn't sound like she believed that.
>Can't say you blame her.
>"Yes. But not here."
>Before any parties could react, her horn shone brightly, and a bright yellow flash erupted outwards.
>When you could see again, she--
>Oh, for fuck's sake.
>She'd warped Twilight and Luna away with her.
>You're glad your lab is allegedly fine, but...
>What in the fuck?
>Just why is she dancing around this topic so much, anyways?
>Any why'd she think those Faber Mystico guys were evil?
>...
>Oh, and her guard were left behind for your cell.
>Great.
>...

>>30634619
>Graaaaaah!
>Can't your missions go well, just for bucking ONCE?!
>It's bad enough that princess Twilight all but freed Anonymous!
>But princess Luna's response time was far faster than you expected it to be!
>Why can't anything involving Anonymous ever be simple?!
>Why does he have to ruin almost every plan you come up with?!
>WHY?!
>MOTHERB--
>SLAP
>No.
>Calm.
>Breathe, Athalia.
>Breathe.
>This...
>This is still salvageable.
>So you can't sneak into the prison and kill him like you wanted to.
>Fine.
>It's fine.
>There's other ways to do this.
>...
>Oh, who are you kidding?!
>They've probably freed him by now, the bucking--
>Whatever thought you had was cut off by a powerful teleport signature.
>Whoa.
>That came from the jailhouse.
>And...
>And it went to a small household, a few blocks from here.
>The emotional signatures of three particular ponies confirmed it.
>They'd traveled there!
>But...
>But why?
>...
>A smile begins to develop.
>They're all in the same place.
>No doubt arguing with each other, if their agitated states are anything to go by.
>Maybe...
>Maybe you could salvage this.
>Yeah.
>Maybe you've been approaching this wrong.
>Don't plan for Anonymous.
>Plan for his friends and acquaintances.
>Rob him of his advantages.
>Don't let him hide behind them.
>Ohh, yes...
>This could work brilliantly!
>Recasting your invisibility, you glide from the rooftop to the very chaotic jailhouse.
>You just need a few things from the jailhouse.
>They shouldn't notice you slipping in to get them.
>You had to really fight, to restrain the urge to laugh.

>>30632929
rape.

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>>30634625

>>30634625
See, I said an hour or two, and it ended up as one-and-a-half!
Truly, I am the biggest liar in greentexting.
Man, this felt a lot denser in content than the post count told me.
And that's a real good thing.

Need to play catch-up? Yeah, wouldn't blame you.
Here, have the Pastebin: https://pastebin.com/kQCRMUTs

All right, small blogpost incoming. Skip if you care not for it.

I'm really glad you guys like this green of mine, honestly.
It's already far more popular than anything I've done before, which is fucking sweet.

While I appreciate the comparatively lavish attention I get showered with for it, I still crave feedback.
I came to /mlp/ to avoid hugboxes, and the blunt way you fellas tell shit is a major draw.
So please, don't stop ripping my shit. My durasteel butthole can handle it.

There's also the issue of 'shitting up the board with another general'.
So here's how it's gonna go.
This story will keep on trucking until the end while there's still interest in it.
So with that in mind, I'm not going to create new threads, nor bump them.
If the thread dies, and isn't around for a day or two, I'll consider the interest gone, and'll mark this as 'finish later'.
>inb4 finished never

And to any new players lurking around, who want to post some shit of their own?
By all means, feel free.
My update schedule is every 2-4 days between dumps, so if you're worried about me stealing those (You)'s, there's your window.
Besides, I won't jack 'em right after you post.
Plus, I'd really like to see what you other guys can put out, too.

All right, I'm done.

That blogpost wasn't small at all.
Again with my Jewish lies.

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Keep the torch lit. I want to see HK'S story to the end.

>tfw had a new op with pseudo magus and part 2 of obsession in it to post but forgot
im a failure

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I thought you guys were dead. Don't scare me like that.

>>30634550
Luna > fat princess

>>30634763
Gotcha famborghini

>>30634625
I still want to kick that bugpone

>>30634724
Honestly I feel you. I've written a good bit myself and enjoy /mlp/ for it's brutalness. But you haven't done anything in this update to trigger anger or hate. It has good grammer, it is one line with itself, it doesn't get too edgy, it has background and character development, and the story can keerp people interested. The only real issue was with Incognito being the unbeatable god who knew all and held all and that is being fixed. I'm trying my best to find holes but I can't. You're doing well, and trust me. If you fuck up, people will let you know.

>>30636588
>>30634724
Oh alright! I've got one strawman pick. I guess you could figure out a sign for character transition for better immersion. So instead of going from one character to another put a
-----------------------
Or something. I know it's cherry picking but I'm looking for issues.

Don't die

>>30634724
It seems like you're hinting at some upcoming love side-plot with Twilight and Anon, and I don't think that the story would need it. Not that side things are bad, but I feel like the "clashing worlds love story" has been done a lot already. I think you've got a good thing going already, and just keeping it focused may be the way to go.

Also, I don't know how much I like this Anon. Every other story (not just in this general) seems like it either has Anon being a know it all, sarcastic, "cool guy" memer, and almost always right, or the edgiest asshole to have ever lived. I do think that your Anon differs from the norm a bit though, so that's good.

Anon has an obvious flaw in not quite knowing when to stop with dark magic, thinking that, "just one more step is okay because I totally know what I'm doing" but it does seem like things come way too easily to him. We know almost nothing about his background from Earth, but he is apparently gifted enough to master ancient languages of another world and also MAGIC in the course of a few years. It sort of seems like he's on the easy track here for some reason.

Also, I do like the ironblood concept, but it does make Anon a bit overpowered. It made the fights so far less exciting knowing that he had a completely undefendable attack as soon as he got a cut.

I also think you may have shown Incognito and what he's up to a bit too much. You've made him out to be an unrelatable super-villain, but I like when I feel conflicted about who to root for in a fight. The strictly good guy versus bad guy story isn't always bad though, and I think (pardon the comparison) Urchin's unconventional story was probably enough straying from tropes for a while.

Please keep writing, regardless. Thank you for your hard work.

>>30634724
Good update, everything seems to be progressing well. Seems like the Tri-Alicorn Tournament has begun in earnest even if Twilight is somewhat torn about disagreeing with her mentor. I wouldn't play that up too much past apprehension though because at this point it's damn clear where her poyalties and interests lie, and to her the onus should be firmly on Celestia to prove rhat anon has done something wrong and not the other way around.
Looking forward to seeing the competition for Anon's heart play out and if you kill him off to avoid it I will find a way to impregnate your anus with a swarm of angry bees using only my internet connection. I will not be robbed of my love triangle shenanigans.

>>30634724
If these threads die, just take it to AiE. I don't know how things are there, but I don't think they're going to die too.

>>30634724
>finished never
Don't hurt me like that you based faggot

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another occult bump

>>30637150
>first paragraph
This

>2-4
I disagree

>last
Sometimes, it's fun to pick sides, and then rage at people who picked the other side. Sometimes, it's fun to just rage at the villain whenever anything goes their way (case in point: this changeling protoqueen bitch).
This also makes it really comfy when things go the protagonist's way.

In other words, some stories really make you think (like Urchin's), and others are just there to take you along for the ride - like this one.

>>30639959
>Obsession
>really makes you think
What? It's almost play for play a classical Shakespearean tragedy, brimming with dramatic irony. Its strength lies with the believable charicters and Urchin's ability to make you care about their fates, not with a complicated plot structure or some meaning beyond the story itself.
The only real questions to be solved over the course of the story are "How much of this shit is anon's fault?" fucking all of it and "Who is going to live to learn from it?"

It even follows the 5 act structure.
1 Anon is introduced
2 The conflict of his lack of magic and the path to power are made clear
3 In gaining power he tragically alienates himself further and damns himself to an early grave leading to the climactic final battle
4 all loose ends are tied or severed as the missiles fly
5 Resolution where the tone is confirmed as Celestia considers the morals of the story

>>30640591
Did you forget the threads full of arguments about every detail in the story?

Yes, it may have followed the classic structure, but just the fact that you wrote "how much is anon's fault? Fucking all of it" proves my point, because I (and many others) disagree, and we could easily start another argument about it.

That's what I meant by "really makes you think". A story doesn't have to be a whodunnit mystery shit to really make you think.

>>30639195

>>30634724
You better not let this shit die Anon. Like someone else said, move it to AiE threads. I will be very sad if it never finishes.

>>30642279
>>30634724
We should probably move it to aie desu

>Disco magic

Still waiting on that slavanon story.

>>30642279
>>30642639
There are other ongoing stories too, while the thread is doing fine let's start here.

If it starts just dying all the time then that would probably be a sign we need to move, but for now, no reason to

>>30643851
same

>>30636189
Me too.

>>30640909
Yeah, I remember everyone going insane and ripping apart every single detail of Obsession trying to find any bits of foreshadowing that we might have missed. None of what I said should be construed to mean that Urchin's story isn't of quality construction; he's an adept craftsman and it shows.

That does not change the fact that Obsession is at its heart a very basic story and you can guess the ending and all the major plot beats before it has even really begun, in no small part due to it being DESIGNED that way. Dramatic irony only works if you know that something is going to happen before it happens, otherwise you're just caught off guard with no tense buildup. Like, it doesn't take a genius to realize that anyone who binds their soul isn't going to have a good time, but anon has to find this out the hard way while the audience screams at him to stop being a retarded murderhobo.
And if you think arguing over who is really responsible for the tragedy that befalls the cast somehow amounts to riviting intellectual discussion then I don't know what to tell you. It seems to mostly come down to whether you like Twilight and Celestia or not and little more.

>>30634724
>inb4 finished never
Please no

Honestly I'm not even into mlp I just decided to come to this board because I was bored and randomly stumbled into this thread. Even without watching the show beyond the first 2 season premieres I really enjoyed your story. it would be a real shame if it ended up unfinished.

>>30644517
Then write something

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If magic were to be a manifestation of ones willpower couldn't magic be used to form or create things? Anon becoming green lantern when? Also Anon creating the dark soul when?

>>30643402
>Green magic

>>30647282
>Beating your meat to the small horse magic

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>>30647091
>manifestation of ones willpower

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>>30647091
>manifestation of ones willpower
That sounds an awful lot like psionics desu

>>30647410
>cute magic

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>>30647091
Anon creates the Dark Soul when?

>>30649606
>lewd magic

>You finally get magic
>In exchange for Twiggy becoming human and you a unicorn
What do?

>>30650667
>cuddle magic

>>30650692
Go to /ptfg/ and ask for advice

>>30651318
Hello /ptfg/ ufhvfhveghugrb uio fiioawdf iavf ise ?

>>30651448
If this is meant to simulate typing with hooves: you have magic now you nigger, that's the whole point
And magic can be used to type

>>30651500
Oh. Well I am not a smart person.

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death

>>30644517
Filthy fucking casual.

Boomp

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>>30653258
And despair

>>30643402
>having no magic, Anon is sent to live in a small enclave made up of adult ponies who never found their cutie marks
>that is, until they were chatting one afternoon and he started playing music from his phone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MFbn8EbB4k
>suddenly Gleaming Ray's mane poofs out in an afro and her mane shines, revealing a disco ball
>old man Weekend Heat's arthritic hooves all untangle and look like flailing spaghetti as he whoops and dances around, tearing up the ground in his wake
>and so it goes
>Celestia becomes concerned however, when Anon's apparently magical ability to bestow cutie marks expands to the younger ponies
>a filly named Poly Esther, hearing the song of Anon's people has an epiphany into making a synthetic fiber, and begins a fad of zoot suits much to the complete horror of Rarity
>Applejack's kin are in a pitchforks and torches uproar that several young stallions from the clan have denounced fruit picking and formed the Big Apple Band headed by Macintosh, beginning to produce their own renditions of the genre
>Twilight, assigned to try an find the mechanism of Anon's seeming magical powers, is afraid she can't stop the music

>>30654691
i need this

>>30651293
>Tech magic

>>30655410
>rape magic

>Twiggy will never force you to fulfill her autistic fetishes with her magic

>>30656492
>"N-Now hold my h-hooves"

>>30653603
Yuck! blue switches

>>30632929
I just read, "Anon's horn problem", and part one of Obsession

Is it normal for your anon in this thread topic to be a complete sociopath?

Because let me tell you, these stories are far more cringe inducing, and bleeding edge evil, and all reading is doing is making me mad. I really want the anon from both stories to fucking die, obsession anon is beyond redeemable, and i'm not even talking about the self soul severing, and especially with obsession, all the drama is author contrivance, but ironically deserved by the anon, who is unbelievably sociopathic. At lease obsession anon is reasonable competent, where horn problem anon is retard teir

at this point i don't feel any compulsion to read the second part and find out greymane is somehow blackmane, and somehow he's responsible for all the golem monsters, and anon severing his soul, and every event so far is the warped memories due to being golem-ized, because that will be so contrived and strain my suspension of disbelief to breaking

holy shit, anyone please tell me any other of your stories are better, for the love of pony

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>>30632929
tfw I just read obsession for the first time, in one sitting
doing this while depressed was a terrible choice, jfc
I've always minimized this thread whenever I saw it because it didn't directly interest me, and the first time I don't, everything goes wrong[/spoiler

>>30657471
same

>>30657445
is me

yeah i just read part one and holy shit, its bad

>>30657445
Obsession Anon isn't evil. Evil implies willful and malicious intent with the knowledge that you're doing wrong. Anon was obsessed. Obsession is not the sign of a healthy mind. He was fucking insane, driven so by the world around him. As far as he was concerned, he was levelling the playing field. As for it being bleeding edge, it's not. But you're free to that opinion. Even if it was super edgy, you can't deny the quality of story it was.

>>30657548
Actually no, his motivation was flimsy, and he could handle everything better

He intentionally uses twilight, and in fact the only time he does its with intent

What makes me more mad is how contrived the drama is, he has no real reason to react the way he does to twilight. Mother fucker, her behavior is like she's in love with him, and all he does is abuse her

It has no quality, its literally idiot contrivances, driving a flimsy motivation

for example, the entire cliffhanger of part 1:
No precedent, every pony character goes buttfucking stupid, and does things for no reason
rainbow dash summons the wonder bolts, somehow for no reason
twilight summons guards, that IN THE STORY SHE ONLY HAS 2 OF, AND DOESN'T KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM, AND THINKS THEY ARE JUST FANS
the intervention continuously keep making the showdown worse, which causes the exact opposite of what they claim to want
then some lolrandum pony stabs the ground, exactly where he's hiding

and he's borderline evil because he abuses twilight just because he finds her "annoying" which has nothing to do with his obsession, the only times he interacts with her is when he's just revived from a coma, and at a Christmas party no one forced him to attend
jesus christ Twilight acts like she's in love with him, and he strait up abuses her, Staying with him while he's in a coma? spending evenings with him drinking tea? wanting him to be happy? these magnitude of effort is not how normal friends spend their time

and don't get me started on how every character and their mother fucking repeated the "for someone without magic" line only at the beginning of the story, it got dropped, but that's supposed to be enough justification, for anon randomly deciding to experiment on fucking random citizens, and then realizing he was completely unprepared

real people don't fucking bring up a persons disabilities like that, and even if they do, the appropriate response is not hate unrelated people

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>>30657471
I feel you

So like, where do I find thread 1?

>>30657548
>>30657605
Oh boy here we go again

>>30657445
HK's anon is a memelord instead, if that's more up your alley

>>30657605
>his motivation was flimsy
His motivation was that he wanted to stop being treated like a third class citizen. Can you imagine waking up and spending every day in a world where you're so far outclassed by everything around you and everybody reminds you about it constantly? And for it to get to the point where you lose a job and almost die twice? More people here would have cracked sooner than that. It took a lot to push him over the edge.
>he could handle everything better
Oh I'm glad you know everything about people and how each individual can handle certain stress levels.
>he has no real reason to react the way he does to twilight
Except for the part where she's a huge reason for his mental deterioration. Not everybody wants to be smothered and babied and told how useless they are, but it's ok because someone will always be there for them.
>her behavior is like she's in love with him
So did you miss the part where she's obsessed too? If you think the title of the story only applies to Anon and that everyone else is mentally sound, you're an idiot.
>No precedent, every pony character goes buttfucking stupid, and does things for no reason
So you also missed the parts where it was shown several times how fearful ponies are of runes and black magic before Anon made a huge display in town and yelled "btw guys, I used black magic and covered myself in runes"
>rainbow dash summons the wonder bolts, somehow for no reason
Because she's a wonderbolt, an element of harmony, has a close personal relationship with one of the most influential ponies in equestria, and knows the other 3 quite well? That might have something to do with it.
>twilight summons guards
She summons ROYAL guards from Canterlot, not her own guards. If you kept reading, you'd know that half the guards he fights are Celestia's personal staff that end up watching him.
>IN THE STORY SHE ONLY HAS 2 OF
That we've only met 2 of.

>>30657605
>>30658996
AND DOESN'T KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM, AND THINKS THEY ARE JUST FANS
These would be valid points if the guards she sent after Anon were actually her own. But they werent, they were trained soldiers from Canterlot.
>the intervention continuously keep making the showdown worse
I'm not sure what you're trying to say here, but I think it might be something about how the ponies interacting with him is making him more upset. If that's it, then let me ask you two things. A, have you seen the ponies in the show act any differently towards threats? No, they all act in the same way. Swarm it and shout until that doesn't work and they have to relearn the magic of friendship. B, what the fuck else did you expect them to do? Sit down and have tea with the unhinged man who assaulted a princess in public, covered his body with ancient, black magic, and then killed a fucking hydra in the middle of town? Of course they'd be scared. You're a fucking moron.
>he's borderline evil because he abuses twilight just because he finds her "annoying" which has nothing to do with his obsession
Firstly, that's not evil. Not in the slightest. Like, if you think that's evil, you have some more problems than your lack of reading comprehension. Second of all, it does have to do with his obsession. She keeps trying to get in his way. The only way to get her off his back is by using her to accomplish his goal. It's all about him getting magic. It IS his obsession.
>these magnitude of effort is not how normal friends spend their time
Exactly. It's not how normal friends spend their time together. It's how someone obsessed with being the best friend they can be to the only person who doesn't want it acts. I'm glad you picked up on at least that.

>>30657605
>>30658996
>>30659000
>it got dropped
There was a point in the story where Anon did something amazing and the ponies started to think that maybe he could handle himself without magic. That's one reason it got dropped, along with that he stopped interacting with them as much. Of course, by that point Anon believed everything they were saying. He got his ass kicked so hard that he wound up in a coma for a week. That had to have been a massive hit to his pride. He started believing that he really was useless without magic, and that's where the obsession begins to eat his mind.
>real people don't fucking bring up a persons disabilities like that
Well, they do. Besides, these aren't real people, are they? They're ponies. They're extras, in fact, designed to make the plights of the main cast feel more real.
>the appropriate response is not hate unrelated people
Whether that's true or not, that's how things work. Nobody hates a single person. When they're wronged badly enough, they begin to hate groups. Since you're so hinged on "real people", then you should know that. Just take a look at human history.

tl;dr learn to read. If you don't like something that's fine, but don't try to shit all over it if you're too stupid to understand half the shit you read.

>>30658996
>>30659000
>>30659008
congrats

you convinced me to not bother with part 2

Bampf

>>30659351
Ooh, scathing.

>>30656463
>Boop magic

Dead thread, rip

>>30657548
>disney evil is the only kind of evil
No. Why are you even trying to meme this? Also Anon murdered a pony of his own will after managing to rationalize it.

>>30659351
For the record your complaints are on point but I still think the story is okay. Not great or groundbreaking, but a good read nonetheless.
The trick is that unlike some people in the thread who think earth shattering antisocial behavior is acceptable, tou aren't meant to identify with anon. He is a flawed character in an admittedly tough situation who makes horrible decisions again and again and again. That's why at the end he dies and Celestia is left to pick up the pieces of her shattered kingdom by lying to everyone and covering the whole thing up

>>30663276
Anon killed a pony. The same pony that fucking stabbed him in the spine and LITERALLY killed him. That hardly makes him evil. You could try and argue that him not feeling remorseful about the deaths he caused accidentally made him bad, but evil? No.

>>30663518
uh..
petty revenge does make him evil

but he was evil before that anyway

Expect the unexpected

>>30663550
Petty? You call getting revenge on the man who actually literally ended your life petty? That's probably one of the most valid reasons to get revenge.

What is your definition of evil?

>>30663518
The guard killed him in the commission of his duties after he had unleashed a burst of magic at his squad while resisting arrest, and he did so unintentionally at that.
Anon killed him in his sleep after beating his conscience in mental gymnastics to rationalize doing so, for the purpose of stealing his horn to perform more dark magic. Which ultimately shortened his lifespan further. Which is why it was illegal.

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>>30663550
>Getting back at someone who killed you
>Petty
Really makes you think

>>30663585
are you the writer, because no one else is defending that character

and your rationalization requires all loss of context provided here>>30663586

>>30663592
i never said anything about them winning you tard

besides he put his soul in a photo, the body death wasn't him dying anyway

>>30663592
Context matters and anon isn't a good guy, see
>>30663586

>>30663592
>cop kills ganbanging nigger
>another nigger wants revenge
>kills the cop after stalking him to his home like a nigger even could
>nigger didnu nuffin

wow applying incorrect analogies is so fun

>>30663586
It doesn't matter why the guard killed him. The guard killed him. That's justification enough to get revenge. As for the rest of your post, we go right back to Anon being mentally unhinged and seeing the ponies around him as the evil ones.

>>30663599
So you missed the part where his consciousness floats in the ether for eternity unless the photo is destroyed then.
And no I'm not the writer. I just think you're a fucking moron and all of your problems with the story are stupid. There are plenty of reasons to dislike something but I just hate it when people bash things because they're too stupid to understand the basic fucking sentences right in front of them. This goes for any story, and I'll make all the same points.

>>30663616
>comparing an individual who didn't do anything evil yet personally getting revenge after being killed then magically revived vs. a relative getting revenge for the death of a person that already deserved it
wow applying incorrect analogies is so fun

>>30663633
>That's justification enough to get revenge.
No, its really not.

I bashed it because anon was an idiot for no reason, could have been lawful evil, not disassociated evil, and still been the hero, not the blatant villain who deserved every hell he found himself in.

He deserved to be called weak, and he wallowed in it. Not worthy of main character status. Reveals more of the authors self centered autism autism than anything else

>>30663641
Petty revenge is plain evil anon, not big time evil, just plain evil

>>30663599
>>30663602
I'm not trying to pretend as though Obsession Anon didn't make a ton of massive fatal mistakes throughout the course of the story, or that he was a misunderstood good guy. I'm just saying that of all the things you could focus on and fault him for, this one seems like the least important.

>>30663616
I'm going to assume what you're trying to say here is that "an eye for an eye" only works if those involved are moral equals and there isn't some broader context.
Anon's life beyond death sort of fucks with any metaphors or analogies except for maybe one I can think of, that being Jon Snow who was brought back from the dead and sentenced those who murdered him to hang. The differences between he and anon are innumerable though.
>>30663633
>revenge is a good thing
Context is important because this is untrue. Revenge is sometimes permissible in our society, most of the time however it is not. 100% of the time however it is not "justice", which is a different concept.

>>30663655
Things are moving too fast for me to reply quickly enough, but to end I suppose I'll try to explain why this instance is important.
Anon disrespected the laws of the land without understanding them. He then struggled against the guards sent to capture him for his crimes and was killed by mistake. He has no moral high ground from which to seek revenge and he even knows it on some level because he has to steel himself before he's able to actually do it. Also murder is a grave transgression that most societies recognize as wrong, and the circumstances surrounding this one are not a qualifying exception.

>>30663655
i faulted the story for being contrived which the worst example was the intermission cliffhanger

i came to this thread for anon gaining magic and being the HERO, and the first TWO fucking intro stories in the op are completely sociopathic, which was my original problem with it, that i clearly stated in my first post

it was not worth reading, and my critiques are sound, your only argument is that "i don't understand it" which is vapid

TL;DR

WHY THE HELL WOULD I NOT FAULT THE MAIN CHARACTER FOR BEING A DISASSOCIATED EVIL IDIOT WITHOUT REDEMPTION? THATS THE CORE OF THE FUCKING HERO'S JOURNEY, WHICH HE FAILED AT AND ITS THE ONLY JOB OF A MAIN CHARACTER, YOU AUTISTIC FUCK

>>30663651
How is it "petty" though? How is avenging death petty?
Is it because Anon was brought back? Because he survived? If someone tries to kill you and gets damn near close, would you be fine with that? Would you just walk it off, forgive and forget, Jesus-style? Would you still be talking about how you're above something so "petty"? Like, "aw, you know what, I deserved that. So it's fine, no big deal."

>>30663682
He did deserve it, you morally vapid apologist

context matters

>>30663674
I'm on board with criticizing anon, not so much the story itself. A bunch of people here defend anon because they identify with his autism or something, but their praising urchin isn't totally misplaced. Sure I think they suck his dick a little too much because of some allusion techniques here and there, but he seems a competent writer overall and he wrote a tragedy that was at least compelling enough for me.

It seems to me like you were looking for something else and were disappointed that you didn't find it. I can't tell you that you're going to find many hero anons around here, although HK is on that path with his stort.

>>30663674
The cliffhanger is only there because pastebin wouldn't let Urchin add anymore to the paste a couple updates after Anon died

>>30663688
Of COURSE he deserved it. But the fact that Anon would be angry and use it as justification makes sense
It's evil, OBVIOUSLY. But you keep using the word "petty", which I don't think is an accurate description

>>30663674
Your critiques are not sound though. You're an idiot and you're giving an idiot's argument.

>>30663714
it was just an example of how the drama was contrived, not the only one

not one event makes sense if you look at it from any perspective but the writers, which is the biggest redflag of autism in green

>>30663716
its pretty petty, especialy in-context
if he was revived, and death to him was far less final, then how big a issue could it even be?

and that description was only mean to point out its still evil regardless of what adverb is used

>>30663726
kay

>>30663682
So lets say you get into a car accident that almost kills you. An emotionally stable and rational person would not, for instance, jump out of the car and shoot the other driver, and then begin screeching and drawing runic symbols on their body with the freshly pooling blood.

Anon's actions are fueled by his emotional reactions and he is the least stable person in a land of talking horses.

>>30663736
>not one event makes sense if you look at it from any perspective but the writers
Except it does. Like 6 people have had trouble understanding the events of the story. 6 out of hundreds.

>>30663751
most people arn't looking for quality, they are just loojkjing to switch off

pick any event in the story, ANY, and i can point out how its retarded from any other perspective

>>30663737
Now let's say you were placed in an alternate dimension and would never see your home, friends, or family again, and that you would spend the rest of your life being treated like a child because you lacked the one thing in the world that even its weakest members can use. Then let's just say that you get thrown through a few walls and go into a coma for a week, then get your nuts kicked into the back of your asshole by a few monsters and go into another coma. Now you've got your hands on some magic that people say is bad but nobody can say why it's bad except for that it just is because they said so. You have the opportunity to level the playing field. Would you?

If you said no, you're lying to yourself.

Now let's say that you leveled the playing field and everybody hated you because you did something they said was bad without any reason other than it was bad because they said so. Now you want to leave for the forest to live your life peacefully, but suddenly the cops come in, destroy your the equivalent of your life's work, and then actually kill you. Would you be upset? Would you be angry enough to consider killing the man who shoved a foot of steel through your spinal column?

If you said no, you're lying to yourself again.

>>30663751
True, the far more alarming statistic would be the number of people who identify with and think of anon as a pillar of the community who did nothing wrong.
Kind of makes me worried.

Now lets stop talking about Obsession, this horse has been beaten to death several times, and nothing in this whole conversation has been new insight.

>>30663763
You are stretching the limits at which I can agree with you. Anon is a flawed character. The story runs on a few more coincidences than it perhaps should. The characters however are fine and anon does not act unexpectedly or unrealistically if you catch on early to the fact that he isn't entirely rational or good.

You seem to be laboring under the impression that main characters have to be good people. This is only a slightly more forgivable notion than that of those who think anon actually is the hero. He isn't and he doesn't have to be. The story is about his fall from grace.

>>30663792
stop trying to justify this character's behavior.
you have just described a sociopath.

and in that exact situation, people irl, are not called justified when they lash out at others, to any magnitude

holy
shit

>>30663792
I literally just finished that story after a three day binge.

Holy shit what a wild ride

>>30663805
>about his fall from grace.
but he was never in grace to begin with, he's un-edeemable from his first behavior

>>30663807
Stop grandstanding and consider what I said. Put yourself in his shoes. Think carefully about this. Do you honestly, 100% and truly think that you, in his situation, would behave differently? That you'd settle for well enough and live the rest of your days being mocked and coddled?

Assuming your answer to this post is "yes, I would be happy to live the rest of my life in misery", then let me ask you this. Why are other people insane for answering that same question with no?

>>30663818
His first behavior as in building his own house and planting a garden? Or his first behavior as in being the only one legitimately interested in Twilight's adventure and talking with her about it? Or maybe you mean his first behavior as in reading by the fire because he's interested in a particular subject. Or maybe you must obviously mean getting a job in a schoolhouse and trying his hardest. No, you must mean his first behavior as in refusing to be humiliated and walking away with his pride. Yeah, he's just such a bad guy right from the start. What a nasty man.

>>30663826
>would behave differently?
yes
>That you'd settle for well enough and live the rest of your days being mocked and coddled?
its not a true dichotomy, and thats the autism red flag

you are defending an autistic sociopath character, and you justify it by thinking there are only two options, because the story said there where only two

>>30663807
>you have just described a sociopath.
By your definition, everyone on Earth would be classified as sociopathic.

>>30663792
Oh boy.
>if in anon's position would you make all the same mistakes
No. I'm not an emotionally unstable person and even without prior knowledge of the things that happened I believe I would do just fine in avoiding ripping my soul out of my body, shortening my lifespan, getting into death defying accidents, and falling prey to the schemes of the pony with the most obvious villain name that ever was.

>If you said no, you're lying to yourself.
Don't act like you know me, number 792. We've never met.

>>30663807
You are not the anon he was talking to and now
>>30663826
He thinks you're me.

I've lived my entire life up to this point without anything to make me remarkable or exceptional by human standards. Getting flung into a world of magic and wonder would be an interesting turn of events but it would not change who I am. I admit that I have a deep desire to get cool magic abilities but I refuse your premise that I would be useless without them. I'd certainly not fail out of a part time job on the second fucking day by getting into some big argument with my boss.

>>30663845
stop answering in my place.

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I enjoyed Obsession

>>30663838
>refusing to be humiliated
no one made him humiliated but himself

even when the other characters who where way out of character kept reminding him, where they reminding him to inflate their own egos, not one

the closest analogy would be physicians and family members reminding a sufferer of muscle dis-trophy, who keeps trying to work out, that they can't gain muscle mass through work outs, so they poison neighbors to cut out their healthy muscles for himself

>>30663849
again not everyone thinks exactly the same, autism flag, and most people would not fucking "jump at the chance to even the playing field" like he did

>>30663851
Lying to yourself right to the end of your post. I admire your mental gymnastics skills, Anon. You would be beyond useless without magic in that world. The Anon in the story is clearly very fit and even he has trouble with simple tasks. Nobody would hire him except for Cheerilee because he practically begged her. Then she tried to humiliate him in front of impressionable children while trying to spread misinformation. If you were remarkable in any way, then you'd know how deep of a cut it is when someone spits in your face, talking down to you about a subject you know more of than them.

>>30663872
As one of the anons in the above arguement, so did I. I don't think it was perfect but it was a good fun ride.
but anon was not a good person, his actions were not justified, nor did he find the best way out of his situation and the autistic anon arguing that any of that was true needs to stop

>>30663887
>Then she tried to humiliate him in front of impressionable children
Projection
3 autism red flags

Jesus christ. HK, we're gonna need an update to discuss instead ASAP. Please.

>>30663902
Are you actually irritated the discussion is on thread related content? Do you actually want shitposting? death by bump? or thread falloff?

>>30663887
Okay, first of all Anon at that point probably didn't know more than Cheerilee at that point in time. He happened to have just read likely THE ONLY book which acknowledged the true history of the origins of the first spell. Him questioning the accepted version of events without even backing it up properly in the argument would be bad enough if he wasn't committing the social faux pas of contradicting an instructor in front of her students.

All of that aside, he never even tried to find work. Twilight straight up calls him out for living like a hermit on the edge of town instead of making an effort to fit in, and when he does he gives up after barely two days.
I'm not saying I'd be insanely successful, but I've got enough self confidence to put myself somewhere above "Insane man who blows himself up rather than form relationships with people".

>>30663902
Nah, don't mess with HK's schedule. It might affect the quality of his work, and he already puts out regularly and in large enough quantity. The man is a gift from god.

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>>30663902
Negro, discussion about your >green is the wet dream of every writefag.
What do you want? "BUMP", "moar" or "I liek thing xdd".
I don't talk for everyone here but I like when a story is discussed here.

>>30663889
To be honest
I blame the pony's. How would you feel like if I tell you that you can't do shit, just because you don't have a third arm? The straw to break the camel's back was Cheerilee.
Anon was fucking right, but she's just has to pull that shit off. Not everything new has to be used for good.

>>30664424
We're told the story from anon's perspective, and it's important to understand that his biases are influencing the way that he tells his story. He's an unreliable narrator, not because he's lying but because he focuses too much on the thing that bothers him and not enough on the olive branches that are being extended. That aside, his actions are not those of someone trying to fit in but rather someone trying to avoid the reality of the situation at all costs. He doesn't like the way the ponies talk about him so he moves onto the outskirts of town. He doesn't like that he can't help the girls so he stops talking to them. When he finally gets a job he blows it on the second day. Instead of focusing on working and doing a good job, and maybe even building a relationship with the people around him, he spends his time reading books on magic and questioning his superiors in front of their students.

If I were in anon's shoes I'd have done very few things the same way he did, but that doesn't prevent me from understanding the reasons he had for doing them. The man is in pain and he's unable to find a way to stop the cause. The things he does accomplish only bring him more pain.
The only part of the story I thought could have been done better is fagmane and his cronies. I'd have just removed them altogether and had everything be anon's fault; their inclusion cheapens his actions and lessens the tragedy.

>>30664424
>you can't do shit, just because you don't have a third arm
I'd rather phrase it like this: "you can't do even the simplest and smallest of stuff because you don't have a third arm".
They were literally questioning Anon's ability to sweep the fucking floors due to him having no magic.

>>30664494
I mean, the dust and cobwebs were magically resistant to his physical efforts to remove them, and even earth ponies have magical strength that helps them overcome that. When Anon was trying to mine stone or chop down trees or whatever at one point he makes a point of saying that it's all way harder than it should be in comparison to earth materials.

The ponies were right that he's sort of disabled, they were just wrong in that anon is capable of overcoming that hurdle.......physically at least. By the time we start the story Anon is completely socially handicapped and it only gets worse as things go on. If he'd made an effort to show them all that he could fit in and function in their society at the start of it all instead of becoming a recluse and getting all mopey about it, things could have gone much differently.

Like, he couldn't have gotten a job helping the cakes frost their pastries or something? Or put those hands to good use down at the Spa? Or maybe even gotten a formal equestrian education and become an instructor?
The guy didn't even try.

What's with all the sociopath bashing?
It's not like w̶e they chose to be born that way.
There are certain behavioral patterns they cannot escape no matter what.

>53 new posts
What the fuck happened overnight? This is literally 10-20 times more than what we usually get.

Time to read through all that, there better be at least two story updates

>>30663908
>>30664008
It's less that 'discussion is bad REEEEE' and more that we had this exact goddamn argument every day while Obsession was being posted.

Every. Fucking. Day.

Urchin doesn't write cheerful stories, or happy endings, or pleasant worlds and content characters. Urchin writes misery, suffering, shadenfreude, and situations spiraling out of control.

And to top it off, this particular argument keeps jumping in and out of asinine territory. One of the anons said that Obsession was shit because Rune Anon's actions didn't follow the Hero's Journey, like that one archetype of adventure stories is the only valid path for things to go. I'd have called it bait except that the rest of the post was valid criticism.

And on another note: Is Houdini Anon dead? I wanted to see ponies lose their minds over simple slight of hand.

>>30663674
> WHY THE HELL WOULD I NOT FAULT THE MAIN CHARACTER FOR BEING A DISASSOCIATED EVIL IDIOT WITHOUT REDEMPTION? THATS THE CORE OF THE FUCKING HERO'S JOURNEY, WHICH HE FAILED AT
Yes, he did, absolutely. How is that the story's fault though? It's clearly not an epic story about anon being a perfect hero in the classical sense. Or a hero at all, for that matter.

>ITS THE ONLY JOB OF A MAIN CHARACTER, YOU AUTISTIC FUCK
Ah, that's why you're so triggered by this story. You're wrong. But of course if you wanted to read a story about a hero and his journey, you came to the wrong place - but again, it's not the story's fault that you were expecting something else.

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>>30663872
I didn't

>>30664883
>And on another note: Is Houdini Anon dead?
I'd check in the water tank.

>>30664883
>Urchin doesn't write cheerful stories, or happy endings, or pleasant worlds and content characters. Urchin writes misery, suffering, shadenfreude, and situations spiraling out of control.
But that's just not true.

>>30634625
>The guards were really thrown into disarray by all of this.
>Those strange elite ones, having a staring contest with the Night Guard?
>It made it far easier to slip into the jailhouse.
>The back door was left undefended, for buck's sake!
>It's supposed to be standard practice to keep all entrances and exits of jails guarded!
>It really makes you wonder just how those 'elite' guards got those decorations to begin with.
>Well.
>It doesn't really matter.
>You got in without raising any suspicion.
>Now...
>Where's the prison-wear depository...?
>...
>The guards had started to argue, by the time you left through the back door.
>Only now, you left with a pair of full, jingling saddlebags.
>It's really too bad, that they didn't have the totally collapsible restraints.
>But at least the business ends could be ratcheted to the ponies, and were key-locked!
>Should make removing them a very difficult prospect.
>All right.
>Now, to make your way to that house.
>And from the emotional disturbances, they were still in the middle of arguing.
>Hm...
>Maybe you could glean some information from them, while you're at this?
>Yeah.
>That could work.
>It would give you a much bigger window for the spell, too.
>But you'd need to be fast, and pay close attention.
>You decide to take to the rooftops again, just to avoid anything interrupting you on the ground.
>While you were en route, you also test the magical connection to the Homunculi.
>Ah, good.
>They were still in the woods, waiting for a command.
>Provided this went well, they'd get their command soon.

>>30666470
>Before long, you arrive at the home in question.
>The rifts were all underneath of it, likely a basement.
>Scanning through the house reveals another pair of pony presences.
>Great.
>Peering through the window shows the ponies in question:
>Some green unicorn with yellow eyes, and a lyre cutie mark.
>The other was an earth pony, wi--
>Ohh, that's why they chose this place!
>The overly cautious feelings coming from that pony were a dead giveaway for some kind of agent!
>Well, it shouldn't matter, either way.
>You circle around to another window, and silently open it, crawling into the house proper.
>Making sure your hoofsteps were magically silenced, you search for any stairs leading down.
>...
>Well, you didn't find any stairs.
>But after some mental tricks on the resident unicorn, you do find that the downstairs is accessed via a one-pony elevator, hidden in the broom closet.
>So here you are, riding down said elevator.
>Why was it always the closets, anyways?
>The quiet clanging of metal signals the elevator coming to a stop, followed by the door opening.
>Hm...
>This almost looks like some kind of command center.
>Obviously meant for emergencies.
>The insignias present are the same as those guards that Celestia brought along.
>No, focus!
>The princesses!
>They're hiding out in some kind of large meeting room up ahead.
>There's no guards here that you can sense.
>They must really not have expected somepony to come down here.
>Well, at least you knew that your casting wouldn't be interrupted anytime soon.

>>30666476
>The door wasn't soundproofed, so you heard them speaking seconds before you even started peering through the keyhole.
>"--not believe that for one second! 'Poisoning our minds'?! You simply wanted him kept in the dark!"
>"Please, I realize how this must sound, but it is the--"
>"Enough! I grow weary of this madness! If you have nothing else to add, then we are finished here!"
>Oh, damn it!
>You're too late--
>"Wait!"
>Yes, wait!
>Celestia is looking pretty desperate, a look borne out by her conflicting emotions.
>"This... this course of action, it hasn't been for the reasons you think!"
>"Hasn't it?"
>"You wanted to know why my diplomatic mission took so long? Well, this is the reason why!"
>"What do the yaks have to do with any of this?!"
>"Nothing! I... I encountered the reindeer, Luna! They were there on a similar mission!"
>Luna's confused face and emotions are matching your own.
>The reindeer?
>What were they doing outside of the north pole?
>Oh, darn!
>You forgot to prep the spell!
>Damn it, focus!
>You pour some magic into your horn, finally preparing the spell.
>They don't seem to have noticed.
>"The reindeer? Is this truly what you are resorting to, now? A people not seen outside their homelands in decades?"
>"I know how this must sound, but..."
>A flash of her magic accompanies a scroll materializing out of thin air.
>"Perhaps this will convince you."
>Luna takes the scroll, with no shortage of disbelief and skepticism.
>As she reads through it, you can sense those feelings melt away, replaced by anger and... acceptance?

>>30666484
>Whatever was in that scroll, seems to have convinced her.
>And given you enough time to charge the sensory capture stage of the spell.
>You envelop the trio of ponies with the undetectable field, finishing right as Luna begins to speak again:
>"Even after all this time, seer Blitzen still prefers that dark humour of his..."
>"Yes... as I discovered during our exchanges."
>"Very well, so you encountered the reindeer during your stay with the yaks. How, precisely, does that correlate to imprisoning Anonymous?"
>The pang of love that leaves her after mentioning his name doesn't escape your notice.
>"He... he was instructed to meet me, to warn me about a new threat to ponykind.
>"But this was not like the other threats to our little ponies. This one was akin to that of Tirek's return; a prophecy being invoked."
>"Prophecy?"
>"Yes. Invoked thousands of years prior by an ancient foe, and set into motion only recently."
>O-oh boy, this spell was a lot harder with three ponies to account for!
>You're approaching your limit for this stage already!
>Twilight Sparkle took the opportunity to interject, herself:
>"Wait. You think Anon has something to do with this threat?"
>"I do. The wording of the prophecy was too specific to be a coincidence."
>Luna scoffed at this.
>"Ridiculous! He is trying to help us, not destroy us!"
>"He uncovered the still-unknown magic of this same ancient foe, and learned it in such a short time.
>"I think, given these circumstances, that is enough for at least some suspicion!"

>>30666493
>"And yet, his methods create truly neutral constructs! Again, how is that remotely enough to cast him as an enemy?!
>"And better yet, sister, why do I have no recollection of any such ancient foes?"
>D-damn it...!
>You can't take anymore!
>You have to move to the next stage!
>Pushing the collection spell into backchanneling, you pour a large amount of magic into the functional portion of the spell itself.
>By the time that Twilight Sparkle notices the power channeling, it was too late.
>A flash of mixed green and eggplant magic envelops their heads for a brief moment, the spell's energy compressing into their heads as it fires off.
>The sudden draw of mana and love took a lot out of you, but you somehow manage to keep your breath held.
>You can't give anything away.
>Not if this didn't work!
>Across all three princesses, you noticed a dazed look in their eyes, and muted emotions.
>Did...
>Did it really...?
>"B... Blitzen... still prefers... dark humour..."
>"As I... discovered..."
>"Reindeer... during stay... How does... Relate to... Anonymous..."
>No way.
>"Instructed... meet me... warn about... threat..."
>It worked.
>"Unlike... other threats... Tirek... prophecy..."
>Holy horseshit, IT WORKED!
>Incognito's 'Cognitive Loop' spell worked!
>The moment you release your breath, it becomes a few jumps for joy.
>Finally!
>Finally, something goes your way!
>You never should have doubted his abilities!
>Of course somehuman who beat the princesses, would know a spell able to manipulate them!
>Yes yes YES!

>>30666501
>Wait, no!
>Calm down!
>Focus!
>This...
>This doesn't last forever!
>They'll be stuck repeating whatever was 'collected' during the first phase, but they'll think their way out of the loop soon!
>You need to act fast!
>Unconcerned with noise, you rush through the doorway.
>As expected, they don't notice you, too busy repeating their lines about suspecting Anonymous.
>As quick as you can, you drop the saddlebags, pulling free the restraints you 'borrowed' from the jailhouse.
>A set of six ratcheted and keylocked horn-rings, three similarly ratcheted and keylocked wing restraints, and three sets of hoof restraints, same features.
>You probably could have just used one set of rings, but considering how powerful alicorns are, you're not taking any chances.
>The rings go on first, applied with a special wrench you remembered to take.
>Two rings per alicorn.
>The hooves were next.
>Gah, you wish you could just float these on!
>But they were all made of iron, meaning you had to place them on by hoof and mouth.
>You can feel the princesses begin to stir, by the time the third set clicks into place.
>All right, you're doing fine.
>You still have time!
>The wing restraints were applied easily enough, considering their wings were already retracted.
>You finish restraining their wings the quickest, leaving enough time for one more 'loop' of their minds.
>And enough time to dart out of the room the same way, taking the keys and special wrench with you.
>They won't even know who did this, by the time they wake up!
>Oh, but they'll know soon enough.

>>30666505
>Although.
>They weren't the only ponies you had to concern yourself with.
>The other Elements of Harmony could still buck this whole thing up.
>But they were significantly weaker than the princesses, and could be restrained easily enough with just your normal resin.
>Yeah...
>Yeah, it's not smart to gamble on their intervention.
>Even given the strength that Incognito gave the Homunculi, they were still forbidden from harming them.
>Meaning they couldn't fight back against their attacks.
>Best to take them out of the picture, too.
>Your smile gets even bigger, when you notice the princesses finally break the trance.
>As much as you'd love to hear their confusion and panic, you've wasted enough time today.
>They're yelling for help by the time you climb back into the elevator.
>...
"Girls! Over here!"
>The five mares in question, gathered in front of the jailhouse, all turn to you, 'Twilight Sparkle'.
>It's enough to get them to stop arguing with Celestia's guards, and trot over to you.
>Conveniently, you're far enough away to make their trek take them just out of earshot of the guards.
>"Darling! What happened?"
"Listen, they moved Anon away to a secret prison, hidden in town!"
>"They what?!"
"I don't know what's gotten into Celestia, but she still won't let him go!"
>Loyalty decides to pipe up, no shortage of ire in her voice or emotions.
>"Oh, you're kidding! Where is she, Twilight?!"
"She's with Anon right now, over this way!"
>That's your cue to lead them towards the house, and sure enough, they're following.

>>30666511
>Upon your arrival, Honesty points this home out as belonging to 'Lyra' and 'Bon-Bon'.
>Ah, so that's what their names are.
>Well, they won't be in your way, in either case.
>You made sure to knock them out and hide them in the bedroom, first.
>They're surprised by the elevator's presence, but they don't hesitate to follow you down it.
>Only one pony at a time could travel down this elevator.
>Which was perfect for this next step.
>Exiting first, you move to the side of the door, just out of the door's sight radius.
>You keep a charge of magic in your horn for a stun spell.
>The second the first Element pokes their head out of the door, they get blasted with the stun spell.
>They have no chance.
>...
>Heh.
>Hehehe.
>Haaahahahahahaa!
>The laughter you held in before, was now coming out in full force.
>Forget framing Anonymous, you never thought THIS would be so easy!
>First capturing the princesses, and now the Elements, all within an hour?!
>No wonder Incognito defeated the princesses in one day!
>If you'd known they were this trusting, this incompetent, you would have gone after them a long time ago!
>How did Chrysalis ever lose Canterlot, much less all the princesses and Elements, in the first place?!
>After everything Incognito trained you for, they all just seemed so...
>Stupid!
>And unlike Chrysalis, you weren't going to make the same mistake she always did.
>She always gloated when victory was uncertain.
>But now?
>It was absolutely certain.
>Anonymous couldn't hide behind his precious friends and national leaders.
>He had no chance.

>>30666516
>The princesses were still yelling for help, by the time you opened the door to the meeting room.
>You, still in Twilight Sparkle's form, were floating five unconscious and resin-bound ponies behind you.
>Even if you wanted to, you couldn't wipe the smile off your face.
>A smile that only grew, when you saw the trio of princesses.
>All still bound, and still in roughly the same spots.
>Their yelling came to a dead stop, replaced instead with expressions of shock.
>Even muted by the horn rings, their emotions were sweet music to your senses.
>While they looked on, you just floated the Elements into the far corner of the room.
>Luna was the first to speak up, anger radiating like a tidal wave from her.
>"Wretched imposter! What have you done to them?!"
>A sideways smile is what she gets.
"Oh, nothing fatal, don't you worry."
>Sweet foremothers, you're really about to talk down to royalty!
>Nothing compares to this feeling!
>"Release them now, vile dastard!"
>You have no idea what 'dastard' is supposed to mean.
>But you don't appreciate it either way.
>So you begin walking up to her, while she runs her mouth.
>"Your despicable master wants us, not the--"
>SMACK
>The gasp from Twilight Sparkle only made the backhoof across Luna's face all the sweeter.
>The shock on said princess's face completed it.
"If Lord Matthias wanted something from you, he would have obtained it when he all but destroyed you at Canterlot."
>Wow, when could you hit that hard?
>The red mark on her cheek was huge!
>And when did you knock her crown off?

>>30666528
>Well.
>You're certainly not going to complain about additional strength.
"I suppose he was right, once again. Royals always love thinking they're the center of the world."
>By the time she starts growling, you'd turned away to walk up to Celestia.
>That icy glare is a lot less effective, when she's that helpless.
>Besides, Incognito's glaring was far more frightening, even when not directed at you.
"You're all supposed to be the princesses of Equestria. The most powerful ponies in the world! And then there's the Elements of Harmony!
"I'm beginning to see why my Lord had such an easy time, defeating you all at the height of your power.
"Here you all are, captured by and at the mercy of a single changeling. And I didn't even bring an army with me!
"How do you even keep this nation together, without devolving back into feudal caveponies?"
>It was an honest question.
>Given how easy this has all been, you're absolutely shocked they manage a kingdom like this!
>Her face, meanwhile, hasn't moved an inch, but her feelings of anger are enough for you.
>Your next face-to-face is with your current lookalike, the princess of 'Friendship' herself.
"I guess the answer's obvious, really. Everypony else who competes is even dumber than you all are.
"You fought my former queen, after all. It takes a special kind of idiocy, to lose a whole conquered city thanks to needless gloating.
"How sad for you, then, that my Lord is far from stupid. He knows exactly what he is doing, and his plans for the world are doubtless better than what any of you have."

>>30666536
>Oh, she does have more facial expressions than shocked.
>Now she's managing indignant and angry.
>Finally, you turn your back to the bunch of them, walking a few hooves away from them.
"Kingdoms without kings, unconditional 'friendship' for all, and of course, an unwillingness to take up arms?
"When Lord Matthias puts it like that, it's no surprise where your collective incompetence comes from."
>Twilight, of all ponies, decides to speak up:
>"If you're not here for us, what are you here for? To prove a point?"
"You think I would come up here, just to prove a point? How full of myself do you think I am?"
>"Then why?! Who the hay are you, anywa--"
>"You."
>Celestia's interjection got everypony's attention, yours included.
>"You're the changeling who defeated my guards, en route to Appleoosa."
>Luna joined the conversation, more outwardly angry than Celestia's more low-key anger.
>"You? The one who killed several? The one who devoured their very souls?!"
>Yeah, thanks.
>You didn't need to be reminded of that.
>Twilight's horror was present, as well.
"Well, at least some of you were paying attention."
>Geez, how long have you been in this disguise, anyways?
>Too long, is the answer.
>Just for some added flair, you turn around to face them, as said disguise finally begins to drop.
>You know, you thought you'd be a lot more... self-conscious about your current physical changes.
>But this, along with the upped love intake, just felt so... right.
>Your captive audience reacts with varying degrees of surprise, at the big reveal.
>None moreso than Luna, however.

>>30666544
"I sure look different than from back at Chrysalis's vault, huh? Oh, but I guess I'm overdue for an introduction, aren't I?
"I am Incognito's right hoof, Athalia."
>You don't fight the urge to flourish a little with that proclamation.
"And I'm not here for any of you. Honestly, you were just happy coincidences in the way of my real mission."
>Your gaze goes over to Luna and Twilight for this line.
>You don't want to miss their reactions.
"No, I'm here to find your precious resident human, Anonymous."
>There's the powerful flashes of realization, fear, and more importantly, love.
"Well, that's one part of it. After all, you need to find your target, in order to kill them."
>The flashes of fear and outrage almost take you aback, at their intensity.
>Their love really does amplify them more than you thought.
>"No!"
>"VILE INSECT! YOU SHALL NOT HARM HIM!"
>Oh, yeah.
>That was worth building up for.
"You know, it was supposed to be a lot simpler than this. I was going to find him alone at his house, wait for him to sleep, and rip his throat open."
>Twilight joined Luna in her struggling against the restraints, terror finally taken over by angry determination.
>You pretend to ignore them, instead fixing Celestia with a coy smile.
"Well, until you showed up. You made things a lot more complicated, but by gosh, you sure made them a lot more thrilling!
"I wonder, actually, if imprisoning him was always your goal, without the need to goad you into doing it?"
>She's confused for a moment, while the other two only pause their struggles for a beat.

>>30666548
>So you decide to refresh her memory, by shifting into Slow Descent, complete with tearful recount:
"P-princess, I saw it! Large, dark rods, with dark magic pouring from it! H-he's evil! He has to be! Oh, sun above, please, do something!"
>And you drop it just as quick, a smirk across your face.
"Actually, that was my plan at first: having you lock him away, sneaking in through the guard rotations, and hanging him from the ceiling!"
>And just like that, the struggles resume.
>Right as you turn back to the other two.
"Neither me or Lord Matthias believed that Anonymous had the ability to use magic. But now, that hardly matters, does it?
"Thanks to your fellow princess, and her bad reaction to that little fact, your precious Anonymous now sits in prison, away from his weapons."
>The smirk grows bigger with their realization.
"And unlike before, he did not send me alone this time. At my beck and call, are his creations. Vicious, unstoppable killing machines."
>Your horn lights up, testing the connection to the Homunculi.
"My Lord wants the princesses and the Elements unharmed. So they are forbidden from harming any of you.
"But anypony and everypony else is fair game.
"And now that you're all safely kept here, so he cannot hide under your tails?"
>Three of the creatures receive your orders, and begin rushing towards the jailhouse.
>The other two make their way to this house, to link up with you.
>"STOP THIS!"
>"Please, no!"
>Your smile grows at their pleading.
"He'll never defy my Lord's will, ever again!"
>And just like that, you break into full laughter.
>...

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>>30666556
Bloody fuck, this week has been shit for me.
But bloody fuck, this was a hoot and a holler to write up.
You know, I think I'm starting to see why our old pal Urchin does shit like this.

Oh, and I guess there's a Pastebin you're expecting, huh?
https://pastebin.com/kQCRMUTs

Oh, protip: writing outside, or when travelling, is far more productive than writing inside.

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>>30666577
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>30666577
Please no HK. I enjoy your story so much. Please don't add more suffering. Oh god please don't let this thing spiral into suffering

>>30667025
Shut up. Let him write however he wants, he's better at it than you are.
and if you think anon isn't going to get out of this alright then you haven't been paying attention, although I have some suspicions about some other stuff.

>>30667622
Oh I have no doubt that it will get better at some point. But honestly sometimes the slog through the suffering is just not worth the payoff. I'm sticking with the story because I love the premise and setting, and because HK is a good writer. But so is George rr martian but I would rather shave with a cheese grater then slog through his books of suffering.

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>>30666577
>mfw

>>30666577
>athalia says her former queen lost because of needless gloating
>starts gloating anyway
more legs, less brains i quess

>>30669175
She's not a bright bug. She has no idea how smart or stupid the homunculi are and she has them doing stuff on their own with no speciation.

>>30669712
They'll probably start fucking Anon up, but when he bleeds it gets on them and causes them to explode into a shower of gibs. As a bonus, the trapped souls will be saved in front of the princesses and Celestia will feel like a jackass.

Don't die while I sleep, thread.

>>30670837
I'll give you a bump brother. But i too must sleep.

>>30670837
Gotcha senpai

>>30670837
good morning thread

>>30672501
thanks

>>30673151
Please do not thank me. Everyone deserves a good morning.

>>30656976
>not licking her hooves

Special student anon when.

>>30674789
Define special student

>>30675767
You know magic, alchemy, and other lewd things.

>>30661676
>Fingers magic

>>30677112
>Origami magic

>>30677649
>comfy magic

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>waiting-on-more-green magic

Magic page 8 bump

>Page 9 magic bump

We should probably write some prompts for more writefags to come.

>>30680516
K

>be anomalous
>"hurr u got no megic durr"
"Shut up twololo u Sl00t I bangd ur mum"
>compensate for magic with nukes
>nuke twalalo
Good end.

>>30680663
10/10
Pastebin?

>>30680663
that isn't an original prompt, that's just WiK's first draft of steel sanctuary

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bump

8 again?

>>30680516
Why not just go to fucking /aie/ then?
Look how many times we have had to bump, if hk-47 is the only writer making consistent updates we should just move to /aie/.

>>30682814
No.

>>30666556
>"Huh, when you put it like that, it is kinda weird..."
"Right? Like, screwing someone has obvious social problems, but you fellas don't bat an eye at, well, rearing back and bucking things.
"So, really, it oughta be 'rutting', not 'bucking', right? I mean, it only makes sense!"
>"No, I get you, buddy. But I never even thought about that before!"
"Leave it to me, to discuss the intricacies of expletives, eh?"
>At least these guards didn't seem to have a stick up their ass, laughing with you and Razor.
>Apparently, he had to do a lot of arguing to even get down here to begin with.
>These Invictus fuckers were keeping everyone but themselves out!
>A move spearheaded by none other than the head gestapo horse.
>Who, it turns out, is called Light.
>Just Light.
>No idea if it's a shortening, or the last name's left out, or some kinda secret codename, or whatever.
>Hell, you wouldn't be shocked if it was Light Yagami, at this point.
>But this bitch really hated your fucking guts.
>And after that 'argument', where you got her off Sunburst's back?
>Shit, who can blame her?
>Doesn't stop her from being wrong, though.
>Or a total cunt.
>She hasn't cracked a single smile, this whole time.
>The toughest nut of the bunch.
>"Shit, how come nopony else has come up with that, before?"
>Oh right, Razor.
"Couldn't tell you, man."
>"But it just seems like the most obvious thing in the world! Seriously, why am I only now just thinking about this?"
"Well, isn't it obvious? You're not as versed in the school of sailor mouth syndrome, as I am."

>>30682826
>"You know what, I'm not even gonna argue that one with you. Who knows what kinda stuff they say on your planet?"
"It's a doozy, that's for sure."
>Well, at least this part was nice.
>Your conversations with spirit animal horse are always nice.
>If only twat horse wasn't cramping your collective style.
>"Now that you've discussed perhaps the most pointless of topics, maybe you'd like to tell me where you learned how to use dark magic like that?"
>Like that, see?
"You know, I distinctly recall a princess argument over whether that's true or not."
>"Princess Celestia's word is more than enough for me!"
>"Yeah, well, Princess Luna and Twilight's word is plenty for me. That, and seeing him work for myself."
>"And you don't think your account, or that of the princesses, isn't corrupted by his dark arts?"
>The pair of you give this crazy horse a 'nigga you serious' look.
"Yes, Sherlock, you figured me out. Oh, I also breakdance over famous folk's graves, eat gryphon eggs, and turn the freakin' frogs gay, too."
>Her look just smoulders, while Razor just breaks out laughing.
"Seriously, you don't think you've overthinking this, just a tiny little bit?"
>She doesn't even respond at this point.
>Yeah, she does that.
>Give her a few minutes, and she'll reseat the stick in her small intestine.
>Well, back to Razor.
"So, did I ever tell you the story of my third drunk tank stay?"
>"Don't think I heard that one before. Is it anything like the first?"
"Better."
>"Oh sweet bucki-- er, r-rutt-- Geez, now you've messed me up!"
"Yeah, I do that a lo--"
>graaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh

>>30682830
>Everything stops.
>...
"The fuck was that?"
>graaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh
>It was like...
>Some kind of guttural... yell? Screech?
>Whatever it was, it... kinda freaked you out a bit.
>Hooves are heard rushing down the stairs.
>An Invictus guard shows up.
>And he looks panicked.
>"L-Lieutenant! Three dark magic presences, closing fast!"
>Oh, get fucked.
>Light, for her part, gets real commander-y here.
>"Form a defensive perimeter. Concentrate troops in the front, and get them into phalanx positioning!"
>She runs up the stairs the whole time she rattles off.
>"You're kidding."
>Razor's look goes deadly serious.
>"Fellas, keep him safe. Anon, don't go anywhere."
>You nod.
>He rushes off upstairs.
>Oh, fuck.
>That noise they made?
>Your gut's officially gone to dropped mode.
>Just like back at the castle.
>You can hear orders being barked upstairs, by both commanding ponies.
>"More magic into the barriers! Get more juice into those manatridents! Ohh, this is a real big presence, fillies!"
>"Get in back, boys! Shatterpoint bolts, on the double! Get ready to fire on my command!"
>You wondered what Nito, that slimy scumfuck, was up to.
>Apparently, at least some of that was sending... something to whack the town.
>Or...
>What if he's after you, now?
>The whole 'you can do magic' thing can't be an unknown factor to him.
>Not after his bug waifu slipped away.
>Oh, Christ.
>And you're in the fucking pony slammer.
>Without your weapons, or magic.
>"Mister Anonymous?"
>Oh, that helped avert panic.
>These guards finally spoke, outside of laughing.

>>30682837
>One of them was looking right at you, outside his post.
>The look was about half hard, half calculating.
>"Sir, do these presences have anything to do with you?"
"What? No! Fuck, I don't even know what they are!"
>"I hope not. Whatever they are, I can already tell that they are powerful. A good deal of dark magic went into them."
"Look, I already told you guys, dark magic isn't my thing!
"And why the hell would I want to kill the ponies I'm trying to protect, anyway?!"
>The hard part of the look gives way to thinking.
>And moments, later, more orders are heard above.
>"Now! Block their advance!"
>"Open fire! Buckin' waste them!"
>The sounds of magic and crossbows are heard above.
>"Good goddess, what are those things?!"
>"I have no idea! Let 'em have it, boys!"
>"Keep the pressure up!"
>Oh, shit.
>Oh, fuck.
>Oh f-fucking hell...
>"Holy horseshit, are they regenerating?!"
>"Maker above, that runework... Get a banishment prepped, on the double!"
>"Buck! Get the magemasher bolts in! Let them have it! Light, what am I looking at here?!"
>"I don't know! It's definitely a runic construct, but I've never seen such runework before!"
>Bone-chilling groans of pain can be heard upstairs, coming from...
>Shit, whatever the fuck is up there!
>Fuck, where's Twilight, Luna, and the others?!
>Shouldn't they be--
>click
>Your attention snaps to the cell door.
>Which is currently being swung open by this same guard pony.
>Even with his spear pointed your direction, this was a shocker and a half.
>And two and three-quarter shockers to the other guards.

>>30682841
>"S-sarge, what are you doing?!"
>"Take stock of the situation above, soldier. Whatever's attacking us is still making progress."
>"B-but--"
>"There's been three banishment spells cast so far, as well as at least two dozen magemasher bolts launched. It's only slowed them down."
>"LT's gonna kill you for this, you know that!"
>"And I will take full responsibility."
>His spear comes away.
>Whoever this orange horse is, he's got that 'StarCraft Micro God®' look to him.
>His tone had a similar partial detachment to it.
>"These constructs are attacking the jail for a reason. And there is nopony in here that would be high value enough to warrant a broad daylight attack like this.
>"However, there is somehuman who is. And if the enemy is aware of your magical arsenal, that makes you a priority target.
>"Particularly if they sought to separate you from said arsenal."
>Loud steps are beginning to be heard, in the distance above.
>"I'll make this brief. Get on your feet and follow my lead."
>Hell, you're not complaining.
>Too stunned, try again later.
>"Soldiers, diamond formation around mister Anonymous. Hold position with him above until I order otherwise."
>Interesting way of saying 'escort above, box in'.
>But shit, you're all moving up the stairs in a hurry.
>"Bucking shit, how many magemashers are they gonna eat before they drop?!"
>"Damn it... Launch manatridents, now!"
>No shortage of increasingly panicked orders given above.
>Unsurprisingly, loud WHOOSHes of magic are heard after that last order, ending in semi-distant blasts.

>>30682846
>The group reaches the top floor, and--
>Hooooly shit!
>Look at the fucking guards here!
>Invictus and Night guards alike, blasting magic and bolts at something you can't see at this angle!
>You don't have to look far to see the commanders of this motley group.
>Light, horn crackling with power, and launching some kind of spell into the fray.
>And Razor, using some kind of trippy, three-limbed crossbow, firing into said fray.
>He was the first to notice you, head whipping right over to you.
>"Holy shit, Anon?"
>That was Light's cue to whirl to you, much less pleased.
>"You?! What are you--"
>Her gaze immediately whips to the unnamed sergeant who sprung you.
>"Sergeant Measure, care to explain this?!"
>"I have determined that the enemy contacts are pursuing mister Anonymous. He cannot remain here."
>"And you would go against the orders of our princess?!"
>"If we do not change tactics, there is a 93.1% probability of us all being killed by the runic constructs."
>Oh for fuck's sake, never tell them the odds!
>Still, that's enough to get Light to reel back.
>"A-are you sure?"
>"The manatrident volley will only halt their movement for thirteen more seconds, before their legs reconstitute."
>Geez, pulling no punches, is he?
>Light's trying her hardest to come up with a quick plan.
>But you've already got an idea lined up.
"You, uh, taking suggestions?"
>Whatever snappy objection she had, died at another piercing moan from... whatever was out there.
>"Buck... guess I don't have a lot of choice, do I?"
"How fast can we get back to my place?"

>>30682848
>That got an immediate bad reaction from Light.
>"What?! So you can command your little construct army? Forget it!"
>Razor, meanwhile, disagrees:
>"Shit, that's right! Your weapons are stashed there! They can wax these things, no problem!"
>"We can reach his household in three minutes and seven seconds, at peak land speed."
>Thanks, other sarge.
>"No! No way! We wait for orders from--"
>"Princess Celestia has not responded to any contact requests. We cannot afford to wait."
>One final creepy groan pushed her over the edge.
>"Gaaah! Fine! But don't blame me, when we get executed for this!"
>"Knew 'ya had it in you, Light."
>...
>More orders are barked out.
>The short version, is that you're gonna get followed by some guards from both groups, with the rest playing the distraction.
>"MOVE!"
>Starting now, at Razor's impressively loud command.
>And like a possessed Kenyan border-hopper, you're out the door.
>Razor and that other sergeant are following along with you, with Light in the distracting group.
>You're out in the middle of town for a few moments, before you hear the groans change.
>It sounds less like zombie pain noises, and more like the quasi-autistic screeching from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
>It's enough to make you turn your head to look at the source.
>Worst six-second decision of the week.
>You finally got a look at the things after you.
>Tall, pale-skinned, stitched-together, humanoid torso, pony legs.
>The faces alone look like an albino Nemesis from Resident Evil.
>Might explain the Resident Evil vibe you're getting.

>>30682852
>After their bout of screeching, their palms ruptured open, revealing fucking swords made of--
>HEY BAWS, THEY'RE CHASING YOU
>MIGHT WANT TO RUN, DIPSHIT
>Good call, subconscious!
>"The oculi of the constructs have completely focused on mister Anonymous. Distraction tactics are now at only 13.2% effectiveness."
"Could you not tell me the odds?!"
>If Mr. Gingerbread Man is watching right now, please grant me the power to not let these fuckers catch up!
>Your group books it across town, the sounds of spells and bolts the only thing breaking up the sound of heavy hoofsteps and growling.
>Unfortunately, other sergeant's prediction seems spot-on.
>They're making like Spaceballs, and just not braking for anybody.
>All you can hear is the occasional trip-up, which doesn't do a whole lot to stop them.
>By the time you hit the path to your place, they've gained on you by a good few feet, from the sound of the steps.
>Already, you can feel the meat-eating diet paying off here.
>You'd be beyond bushed by this point, on a dead sprint like this.
>Now, you're just almost bushed.
>"Persistent sons of mules, aren't they? Alright fellas, fan them out!"
>Out of the corner of your eyes, you can see a bunch of small knives slide out from under Razor's wing.
>Complete with the sword sounds.
>He, and the other Night Guards, take flight all at once, the others having a similar complement of knives under their wingspans.
>You can't stop to see the spectacle, so you just keep booking it, head forward towards your goal.
>Not too far now...!

>>30682854
>You do make out the sound of knives being thrown, as well as them hitting something fleshy soon after.
>Oh, that's what they're doing!
>Throwing fans of fucking knives at them.
>As awesome as that is, it doesn't seem to be slowing them down.
>Until you hear a bunch of lightning going off from behind you, as well.
>Screeching of the unholy variety is heard while this happens.
>And while it doesn't stop them, it does seem to be slowing them down!
>"Cast a shield web, thirty degree cone!"
>The unicorns are the next to fan out, the crackling of magic heard as they go.
>You assume the spell they bring up is some kind of net.
>Other sergeant still runs by you, though.
>Damn it, no looking!
>Run now, gawk later!
>Fuck, the house is like six yards from here!
>The door being closed seems like a problem at first, until Razor flies right down in front of it.
>He opens it and gets through, moments before you and the other guy do.
>The door closes right as you hear the creatures collide with... whatever the unicorns threw up.
>You don't even stop for a breather, just going straight for the study cellar entrance.
>Which looks to be already opened!
>Dropping down the hole isn't the most painless experience, but it keeps the momentum going.
>Your secret passage is already ajar, bags of some weird orange sand-like stuff piled outside of it.
>Probably the stuff they use to embrace their inner pyromaniacs.
>No time to collect samples, there's a passage to get through!
>From the sounds behind you, it seems your dynamic duo is hot on your tail.

>>30682861
>SMASH
>Aaaand there's your three musketeers of fucking death, coming right through the front door!
>Fuck, Equestria better have insurance for this shit!
>"Buck, what do you have that can kill them?!"
"No time for a staff! I'm heading right for the magnetics room!"
>You're sure an objection was there somewhere, but it was drowned out by the sound of evil rune monsters, crashing down the passageway.
>"STOP."
>Your golem!
>Christ, even a second of distraction would be wonderful right now!
>"HE WHO APPROACHES THE BRIDGE OF--"
"Cuck!"
>A glint, just like in every anime ever, crosses it's eyes.
>The moment your group passes it, it begins it's defensive moves.
>"I SHALL RAIN DOWN AN UNGODLY FUCKING FIRESTORM UPON YOU."
>Really wish you upgraded the fire foci in it's arms.
>It'd work for a distraction, though.
>"EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE. PURGE THE UNCLEAN."
>The monsters are screeching, but not by much!
>"X GON GIVE IT TO YOU. FUCK WAITING FOR YOU TO GET IT ON--"
>SMASH
>Well shit, that didn't last long!
>And you were starting to like the monotone shit-talking, too!
>"Damn it, did you hear me?!"
"No!"
>"You said that thing could kill me!"
"I know! But it can also kill them!"
>"What are we supposed to do then, when you fire that thing off?!"
"Either hide, or pray for the best!"
>Breaking into the main lab at last is an amazing feeling.
>It doesn't last, however.
>You're immediately barreling down the path to the magnetics room.
>The other sergeant seems to have peeled off, and gone for the hiding approach.
>Razor, however, has not.

>>30682868
"The fuck, man?! That was your stop!"
>"I'm not leaving you with those things, Anon!"
>Your own objection was cut off by the creatures rushing into the hallway going to the magnetics room.
"Shit! All right, just dive to the end of the room, and hit the dirt!"
>"You think I'm gonna--"
"Less arguing, more doing!"
>There it is, up above.
>Your magnetic setup.
>Twenty vinegar-zinc cells, topped up just yesterday.
>The beginnings of lead-acid battery experimenting in one corner.
>A huge coil of copper wire, layers separated by masking tape.
>Said coil surrounding the same iron piece, from all those weeks ago.
>All controlled by a crude push-button switch.
>The coils pumped some serious inductance into the air, but your core was limiting you, you remember.
>It would work perfect here, though.
>The next few moments are almost in slow-motion.
>Razor seems to have followed your advice, for a change.
>He darts ahead, racing to the end of the room.
>You can't slow down fast enough.
>So you make do with a slide.
>It's a pretty sad attempt at doing some Neo-level shit.
>But it keeps the momentum going just enough, slowing you down as it goes.
>Your pants are very much ruined by this.
>Like an idiot, you overshoot the button.
>You're lucky you didn't total your setup.
>You should have just fucking dived for it, instead.
>You twist around, flopping onto your stomach.
>The switch is just in reach.
>You see the monsters, only a couple of yards from you.
>Hand-swords ready to rip into you.
>Your hand flies up.
>And comes down hard on the switch.
>click

>>30682870
>The effect is immediate.
>And far more visceral than you were expecting.
>The invisible force hits them like a freight train.
>They immediately collapse to the ground, screaming like banshees.
>Red lightning arcs everywhere off of them, only to be carried away in the magnetic 'wind'.
>You didn't realize the red glow on them was runes.
>But where they were previously glowing a steady red, they were now flashing white.
>Their bodies convulse violently, bad enough to cause bleeding in some areas, especially the limbs.
>They try to grab their heads, but the swords just cut into them, instead.
>Their blood is black.
>Like fucking tar.
>What feels like ten seconds pass, before a strange white-gray orb leaves their mouth.
>It disintegrates instantly, upon touching the outside magnetized air.
>The runes glow far dimmer when this happens.
>One more follows suit.
>And then another.
>That third one renders them totally lifeless.
>The runes cease glowing, they go limp, and black blood pours freely from the wounds.
>You swear, you can still hear them screaming.
>...
>Wait.
>They're not screaming, not anymore.
>So what--
>Oh, shit!
>Your hand leaves the button in an instant.
>The bodies twitch, and the runes spark white one last time.
>You turn your head, to the source of the screaming.
>Razor.
>Fuck.
>Fuck, fuck, fuck!
>He was convulsing, nose bleeding, foaming at the mouth!
>It improved only a little, after releasing the switch.
>The screaming was reduced to almost feral-sounding grunts.
>His eyes were rolled right up, totally bloodshot.

>>30682874
>You try to move.
>But you legs had seized up from the running.
>Putting you into a world of pain all unto itself.
>But you are NOT giving up.
>Not when he needs you!
>Crawling forth with your hands is about all you can do right now.
>His eyes close.
>His breathing gets shallow.
>He stops grunting.
>The convulsions become small spasms.
>Damn it, come on!
>Move!
>Inch by painful inch, you get closer to his body.
>He was looking worse by the minute.
>No, damn it, no!
>Move!
>You're so close now.
>Just another few inches.
>Carrot-orange magic envelops his body.
>What...?
>Rushing to his side, is that other sergeant.
>When did he show up?
>There's worry written on his face, but there's still that analytical side.
>Hoofsteps are heard coming from behind.
>"What the hay is happening here?!"
>The voice belongs to Light.
>"Severe mana drain. Very fast onset. Worst I've seen. Survivable, but will require immediate attention."
>Damn it.
>Stupid fucking horse.
>He should have just hidden!
>He had to play the fucking hero, didn't he?!
>"Sweet maker, look at this damage... Get a medic down here, now!"
>Another set of unseen hooves runs off.
>"Sergeant Razor Wind will require immediate mana transfusion. Mister Anonymous will require alchemic musculature repair agents."
>"Can the sergeant be moved safely?"
>"With magic, yes. It will suffuse his system during transit."
>"All right, take him. I'll handle the hu-- Uh, Anonymous."
>He's gonna be all right?
>Oh, please be all right.
>For the love of God, he'd better pull through.
>Please.

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>>30682884
Boy, aren't I going at the speed of light this week?
Not much to say about this part, except that holy shit, writing outside is the best fucking thing for productivity.

Here, take a gander at the Pastebin: https://pastebin.com/kQCRMUTs

Oh, and this is another one of those updates, where I make mention of 'passing the fuck out'.
Because I'm about to.
Later, nerds.

>>30682884
>>30682907
Nice to see anon using the magnetics for something finally. Now shotgun when? Will totally btfo edgymcedgeface

>>30682821
Not an argument

>>30682814
We the real problem with that is /aie/ doesn't really like Anon with magic. I mean yeah, if they for whatever reason say "Hey yeah we don't have a problem with this type of stuff at all." Then yeah I think it COULD work. But I've seen a few Anon with magic stories get REEEE'd out and I really don't want to start problems.

>>30682848
>Sergeant Measure
Seems autism is genetic in ponies too.

So, did Bugwaifu take magic feedback damage from that, or are the Elements and Princesses still in trouble? Would be fitting for Incog's favorite pet and the first draft of his secret weapon to get fucked proper at the same time.

>>30682907
This unexpected turn of events and usage of electromagnetism soothes my anger.