Phew! CYOA #1

>>29826921
Fuck off, unfunny faggot.

>>29826921
Kill yourself

pee in her butt

>>29826921
This meme matured beautifully.

>>29826921
"fuck off, bitch"

WANT SUM SUK?

>>29826921
Start taking yoga so you can "clean" your own dick.

Phew!

what did op leave?

Phew

>>29826921
>put dik in hoersbussi
>cum instantly
>feelsgoodman.jpeg.gif.midi.mp3.webm.bmp.com.org.net.mp9999
"PHEW!"

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>>29826921

>making it into a CYOA

Well-played, OP.

>>29826921
>rape

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>>29826921
"Fuck off bitch. Kill yourself."

The pony gasps and steps backwards quickly. She looks at you in stunned silence, her eyes wide with shock. Admittedly, it was a pretty hurtful thing to say but there's only so much a person can take before they snap. Her little shenanigans have outlived their welcome. She scrunches up her muzzle and sniffs back tears as she turns around.

>"W-well FINE THEN! Just go! Go get some kinda... stinky pee-pee disease from NOT WASHING THEN! See if I care!"

She shouts, stomps her hooves in punctuation and flicks her tail. When you don't respond she slowly walks off, her ears drooping backwards in sadness, her voice quavering as she tells you she won't bother you anymore.

You can't help but feel a bit guilty but you have to be firm with these ponies or they'll pull this shit all the time. So you lock your place up and are off for a thrilling morning of yoga. With a few more months of stretching you might actually be able to self-suck! But you're definitely doing this for the health benefits and not just so you can blow yourself, you reassure yourself with a lie.

Head right to class or take a detour for breakfast or errands?

>>29834374
Detour for breakfast

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>>29834374
right to class

>>29834374
Errands

>>29834490
rolling for the most important meal of the day.

>>29834374
Have a crusty flake breakfast

>>29834374
Clean oenis

>>29834374
Your stomach rumbles. You were going to skip breakfast because you're more flexible on an empty stomach, but, damn, you sure are hungry. You're not yourself when you're hungry. You get angry. Hangry? Maybe that's why you blew up at Lyra? Whatever. It can't be fucking helped now. Besides, she's making a piss poor attempt at sulking off down the road, you can see her cautiously sneaking a peek back at you every so often out of the corner of your eye.

"You going already?"

>"I CAN SMELL YOUR STINKY PEE-PEE FROM HERE YOU KNOW!"

"Uh-huh."

Fuck. You need something in your face-hole. You could grab something from inside before you leave but you only have some piss-warm beer and a few salty snacks left over from the weekend. On the other hand it's still early and most fast food joints are only serving breakfast items. You friggin' hate hash browns. There's always the grocery store but it's across town so you'll have to take it with you to class if you're going to get there on time. Your instructor, Johan, does not take kindly to his students consuming junk foods or being late, so the grocery store will limit you to things you can quickly consume or, ugh, health foods.

You are the master of your own destiny, what do you choose?

>>29835611
GET PANCAKES DUMMY

>>29835611
I would like Lara's pee pee

>>29835611
Go to the grocery and eat healthy.

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>>29835611
Go to the store and eat healthy, also tell Lyra her marecock is stinky.

>>29835611
You figure your dick isn't going to learn to suck itself so you'd best get used to eating relatively healthy for awhile. Since it's already on the way to class, you decide to drive over to the shopping center. There's plenty of parking and very few customers at this time of day, perfect for the hungry customer in a rush.

You grab a power shake and then a few fruits from the produce aisle. A pack of gluten free pancakes caught your eye as you passed the health food display and you nabbed them. Shit, you haven't had pancakes in ages! Satisfied with what you selected you head to the only open register and file in line.

As you start to casually place your items on the conveyor a clip-cloping noise startles you. Looking down you see Lyra with her face next to your crotch, muzzle scrunched up in displeasure. You recoil with surprise, fumbling your package of pancakes which flop unceremoniously onto her head. She raises an eyebrow and snorts in irritation.

>"It still stinks."

The old man in front of both of you grunts in disgust and angrily hands the cashier his money. The young woman at the register just rolls her eyes at you and continues working. You snatch the pancakes off of Lyra's head and pound them on the conveyor a little harder than you meant to.

"What are you doing here?! What is WRONG with you?"

>"What am I doing here?! What are YOU doing here, line-cutter!"

Lyra uses her unicorn magic to levitate her groceries onto the conveyor and shove yours back into a pile. You aren't sure if she meant to partially squash the banana you were buying or not, but she does look vengeful.

"Look. I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't ha-"

>"I'm not talking to you right now. The stink vapors wafting off your pee-pee is taking my breath away."

"OH FOR FU- Grrr..."

The old man grabs his groceries and storms out of the store. The cashier sighs and begins ringing up Lyra's goods.

>"Hello. Did you find everything you were looking for?"

>"HMM! ACTUALLY..."

"Oh no."

>>29838256
go to a different check out line or the self-service.

>>29826921
>>/s4s/

>>29838256
>"Look. I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't ha-"
Anon confirmed for a beta pussy.

>>29838256
Go to another line.

>>29838256
Shit your pants.
If she can't handle your unwashed dick, then she'll pass out after that; she'll leave you alone after that for sure.

>>29838256
Throw the money on the conveyor and run out of the store with breakfast items in hand. Get away from freaky horse as quickly as possible.

10

>>29838256
>"I WAS wondering if you sold DOUCHES here, but now I know they're in THIS AISLE."

The cashier looks at Lyra who's smirking triumphantly towards you and then to you as she frowns and shakes her head sullenly. Lyra just stands there posing haughtily for several very awkward seconds until the cashier breaks the silence with an impatient clearing of her throat.

>"Ahem. Will that be all today, ma'am?"

>"Oh? Oh no! I need a price check on a few things."

>"What ones?"

>"All of them."

Lyra points to everything in her basket. You can visibly see the will to live drain out of the cashier's face. She pages for a stock boy who doesn't show up after several minutes of waiting and then excuses herself to go look for someone. Lyra snickers as she sits down in the aisle and fondles a bag of candy.

You anxiously glance around the front of the store. No one, NO FRIGGIN' ONE, in sight, all other lanes closed. At this rate you're going to be late for class and Johan is going to make a spectacle of you. Fucking bullshit. Determined not to give the pony the satisfaction of victory you reach into your pocket and yank out your wallet. You take your last $20 and slam it on the register and then yell out for the clerk to keep the change. Lyra's jaw drops as she watches you sidestep the line and run out of the store, setting off the anti-theft alarm.

>"H-hey! You! You can't! Wha-! Y-you're a THIEF! A THIEF!"

You aren't a thief you reassure yourself. If anything you overpaid for these magically damaged goods. You nervously jump into your car and speed away before things get hairy. You don't know if the cops are going to come after you for doing this, but it was worth it to see your stalker puffing up her cheeks and stomping her hooves in frustration.

You slam down the power shake and select bites off of the squishy banana when you notice you must have dropped your pancakes as you were running out of the store. Fucking fuck.

>>29841053
>"I WAS wondering if you sold DOUCHES here, but now I know they're in THIS AISLE."
Lold

>>29841053
No time for them. Keep driving.

>>29840632

Now's not the time for page nine. That comes later.

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Phew!

>>29843624
Something about that face gets me rock hard

>>29840632

>>29841439
You guys know you can second a post if you cannot think of anything to add right.

>>29841053
Despite your disappointment at not being able to carb up on pancakes, you make it to the yoga school with some time to spare. You park out front for a few minutes and listen to the radio. Music sure is shit these days. You eventually see shadowed movement through the building's front window and head on inside. As you nod to a few of the regular faces, you hear a voice nearly underfoot.

>"Hey there, Anon. Ready to get flexible?"

Christ. These ponies need to wear bells or something to warn you of their presence. Blossomforth the pegasus caught you off guard with her cheery introduction, or, rather, in the manner she welcomed you. She is currently positioned upside down on the floor with her legs contorted up over her face with her wings splayed outward. Although she is wearing spandex per class regulations, her marevag and tight ponut are easily distinguishable through the material. Wew lad. You try not to make eye contact with her moist nether region since you won't be able to hide a boner in the spandex you'll soon be wearing. Cuteness aside she makes a good yoga partner.

"Uh, hey, Blossomforth. Where's Johan?"

>"He's around here somewhere. Oomph! I saw him earlier."

Johan is an excellent yoga instructor who really knows his stuff, but he's creepy as hell when it comes to small talk. You're relieved he wasn't in the changing room waiting for you. Just as you slip into your tighty-tights the sculpted German demigod himself wraps on the door and beckons you.

>"Anon~! Time to work zem hammies, mein wienerschnitzel!"

You get the impression he's a gay manbear, but, damn his chesthair is perfectly coifed. As you open the door his monolithic meathooks catch you on both shoulders, his handlebar mustache bouncing inches from your face.

>"OOH! OooOH! Mein calves trrremble with ze anticipation! Come, freund, come! Come! I must show you somesing before we stretch our body meats!"

Pre-meat-stretching something with Johan or clever excuse to go right to class?

>>29846236
>Pre-meat-stretching something with Johan

>>29846236
Let's see what he has to show us. Perhaps it's a recipe for Zyklon B to get rid of that minty pest.

Bump for a surprisingly good cyoa.

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>>29846236
>meat
ROLL FOR CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM CIRCUMFERENCE!

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>>29846236
Don't leave us!!

it's already better than like 90% of the other cyoas.