FiMFiction thread - Now with 84% more Points of View!

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>>29557409
>Starlight and Ace kicked the soccer ball around, Starlight trying to pay attention to their practice but distracted by Ace's hot body. He was soooo handsome! Sometimes she got wet between her back legs just looking at him and wondered if he would ever do it with her. She was madly in love with him.

>"Good work out there, team!" the coach said. Ace grinned and Starlight almost had an orgasm. He walked up beside her and they went to the drink station for some water.

>"Here," she said, handing him a cup with a sultry look on her face. Ace took it and gulped it down.

>"Thanks, Starlight. You sure are good to have around," he said, blushing. Starlight gasped. Did he like her the way she liked him after all?! He poured her a cup and handed it to her and she drank slowly, ladylike sips...the water was cool on her parched throat but Ace was making her hot everywhere else. She finished her drink and went up to him, he was so sweaty and he smelled so good.

>"Um...do you want to go back to my house? My parents aren't home!"

>"Er, I guess?" He blushed again. Then suddenly he kissed her! (a/n: ponies can too kiss on the mouth clover's sis and her husband did in that one episode!!!) Starlight fell wet between her legs and kissed back, her heart racing. He did like her! He thought she was sexy and wanted to do it! "Let's go to my house, my mom isn't home for a while."

Though to be fair, this was published in 2014. The old fandom was mostly collectors.
I'll dive deeper.

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>>29628927
>tfw no more enchanted library
apparently monochromatic has cancer or something

>>29628985
I think she's just moving to California with another FiMFic author.
Last I heard, there were talks about a job at Disney.

http://www.ponyfictionarchive.net/
>people are still active on this site

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Lads

>>29629020
>We are home to 1625 stories
Well, shit. With so few stories, maybe Bleedin's stories would have a chance to shine there.

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It's hard to find much of anything, since out fandom drowned out a lot of the old one. Plus a lot of the older sites and forums are down.
But I will not rest until I've found a clopfic written before October 10th, 2010, about the older generations. I won't let you down, Anon.

I've found a story from 2009 that uses the term "Alicorn", which is somewhat interesting. Didn't know the usage of the term to describe a winged unicorn was this old.
http://mlplexicon.proboards.com/thread/107/alicorn-queen-mah-first-fanfic

And here's some stuff about pony genetics:
http://mlplexicon.proboards.com/thread/112/pony-paeli-color-pattern-genetics

I have got a lead that might result in some erotic roleplay though.

>>29629097
He should try, it's not like he's got anything to lose.

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>>29556586
For the record, I did end up making an updated version of last thread's OP pic.
With more bumping this time!

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FINALLY

>>29629611
And thus, a bland age comes to an end.
Will he take an extended hiatus to recover from college pone before going back to this other stories?

>>29629622
Doubt it, or if he does take one I don't think it will be too terribly long. He actually published a little oneshot last week for some kind of EFNW writeoff.

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October 18th 2003.
I think this is the oldest somewhat sexual MLP story available online.

I don't know if this is what you wanted, mysterious Anon, but here you go.

>>29629655
>fat worship
>guro
>cannibalism
>putrefaction
>castration
Is this proto-celestia's relazing vacation?

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There is something oddly fascinating about reading 14 year old shitposts on the archived version of an old MLP fan forum.
It's just one guy posting all of this as well. Truly he was ahead of his time.

>>29629674
Yes. It cannot be any doubt that Celestia's Relaxing Vacation is the true inheritor of vintage MLP shitposting culture. It was meant to be.

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And finally, the last thing I'll post tonight:
Proto-clop.

On November 22th 2003, babystargleamer posted what may be amongst the very first stories with clop-like elements. We have no way of knowing if this was the first, in fact I doubt it was, but I cannot easily imagine that I'd find anything older.

>"Hey you," Starlight whispered seductively.
If I had any more time on my hands I'd rewrite the story and put it on FimFiction, to honour this relic.

Well, that's two and a half hour of my life I'm never getting back.

>>29629622
>And thus, a bland age comes to an end.
until he breaks out a totally unneeded sequel that spans another year

>>29629759
>I cannot easily imagine that I'd find anything older.
ponies been a thing since the 80s, but practically everything from the old BBS era has been purged from existence.

There was probably stuff during the AOL/compuserve era, but unless youve got some way of digging up dead geocities or angelfire pages youd be hard pressed to find it.

But thanks for looking. I'll admit I was curious but never expected anyone to do that much digging on a throwaway comment used for a 4 hour bump

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>>29630006
>geocities or angelfire
Maybe, but not tonight.

Though I did take a quick peek in the searchable ruins of Geocities. Found ponygirl fetish stuff though.

>>29630223
>Maybe, but not tonight.
you're a madman.

I love it

>>29629189
According to Wiktionary, it seems the first usage of Alicorn to refer to a winged unicorn (instead of the older definition of a unicorn's horn) was in the year 1984, in a book by Piers Anthony. It doesn't seem to have been popular until MLP came along and everyone started making alicorn OCs, however.

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/alicorn

>>29629020
Someday, Magical Ponies *might* update, and RagingSemi *might* post a new story.

(Also, some people use it to post stories that don't conform to Fimfiction's rules; e.g. "Sexual content involving human/anthro characters under the age if 18".)

>>29629759
>If I had any more time on my hands I'd rewrite the story and put it on FimFiction, to honour this relic.

>Don’t Post (Content)
>...
>Stories you did not write. If you are not the original author or a co-author, you cannot post it, even with permission. This includes “novelizing” a comic, movie, game, etc. that you did not create.

>>29628215
>Granny Smith having a stroke and AJ being forced to take her off life support so that the family isn't bankrupted by the medical bills

Not sure why that's "anti-pony". Death exists, hospitals exist, and things cost money in canon, "magical land" or not. Being friends with princesses doesn't mean getting unlimited handouts, even if AJ were willing to ask for or accept them. At worst it seems kind of heartless for AJ to only care about the bills and not Granny being miserable, helpless and immobile.

Of course, there's the problem of aging and strokes being issues at all when age regression and other transformation magic exist; but that's similarly a problem in canon.

While the example you give doesn't sound like much of a story, any more than the cocoa one does, it does seem like there's material to be explored there. Just how old is Granny Smith? What's up with her freakish longevity, and her apparent rejuvenation over the series, going from barely walking or knowing what time it is in season 1 to dancing and kicking in season 2 and swimming in season 4? Just how wide has her progeny grown over the centuries? If she were to die, what kind of stories might AJ and Mac find going through her effects and talking to other family members about her?

Assuming she's as close to death as she superficially looks, have her grandchildren noticed? Have they ever returned to the question from Where the Apple Lies of who'll inherit control of the farm?

Does Granny still do work behind the scenes, resulting in potentially difficult adjustments following her death, and her grandchildren possibly having much less time for their friends with the increased work load? (Even Big Mac spends some time hanging out with Spike, and lately Discord.)

>>29628215
>>29630796
Continuing that thought: Have AJ and Mac considered that they're not getting any younger either, and that at some point at least one of them needs to found another generation if they want the farm to continue? AJ's never exactly seemed receptive to affection from stallions outside her family. Mac might be dating Cheerilee depending on your interpretation of canon, but would she really be willing to take on the responsibilities of being a farm wife? Could she balance it with teaching, or would she have to give it up? Would it be consistent with her cutie mark?

>>29628281
>modern-day America, except all the humans are replaced with ponies

To be fair, a lot of canon is like that these days; especially in the comics.

>>29628452
>reformation, inherent good
>at the end of the day everyone ends up as friends

Are we really at the point where those aren't just tolerated but considered fundamental themes of the setting? I guess it's only a matter of time til Tirek and the Windigoes get redemption episodes.

Also, I was distracted by your calling the Frozen North part of "Equestria"; but I guess it is included in the official maps of "Equestria".

(Though that raises more distracting questions. Is "the Frozen North" really where ponies used to live before the migration? Doesn't that imply that it was frozen due to geography and not just Windigos? Why did they live there, given that the more temperate region to the south was apparently empty? Was it empty? If so, why, given that the Journal of the Two Sisters has griffon territories sharing a border with it and zebras living in a secret clearing in the Everfree Forest? How do Celestia and Luna's memories of being raised by Alicorns and playing in the hills of Canterlot fit in?)

>>29630598
eh. if its something no one is likely to have seen in a decade, and you modernize the names you could actually get away with it and no one would be any the wiser.
unless you have no self control whatsoever and publish three hundred thousand clop words in a very short period of time

>>29629611
Good, now back to OTPP. I just hope all the bland poem dribble doesn't infect that story. Also, I prefer they not be in the same universe as I like my ponies naive about many things.

>>29625645
I really liked the camping stories idea from when the encyclopedia idea was last discussed: Eight/nine chapters long. M6 go camping and tell spooky stories with each chapter (save the opening and closing) being one of them telling a scary story, complete with the narration being in-character for that pony.

It'd basically be an anthology of scary stories (or any kind of stories, really) tied together with the camping premise, and an added shtick of the "in-character" narration gimmick.

>>29627981
For me, it's almost always contingent on characterization. The example I can think of is Mare of War (https://www.fimfiction.net/story/61790/mare-of-war) It's a true deadfic so don't bother with the link. It wasn't the helicopters, guns, or nuclear warheads that got to me (although it all was irritating)--it was Twilight being an edgy special ops soldier who smokes and says "fuck." All when she was also supposed to still be the character from the show.

There's total AUs with jet fighters and tanks like Re:Harmony that I don't mind at all since the characterization is actually believable.

>>29629189
>I will not rest until I've found a clopfic written before October 10th, 2010, about the older generations.

I don't know how long you've been looking, but this took about five minutes to find: http://cartoon.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=544174845 Written back in '05.

And what happened to adultfanfiction.net? Did Li finally get sick of all the bullshit and just delete it?

>>29629759
>it's so old, the browser doesn't recognize the unicode for the apostrophe

>>29631085
>it's so old, the browser doesn't recognize the unicode for the apostrophe
That's because it's not Unicode. Those are probably MS Word smart quotes, which as far as I know were never really standardized.

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>>29631085
>Written back in '05.
I was mostly looking on MLP fansites and forums, which is probably why I didn't find that one.

Now, let's see if we can find something from the 90s.

I'm looking for a few stories that i've forgotten,
one lovecraftian twilight fic where she discovers sunset's research on the elder gods, and tries to fight against their infulence on her mind.
In the other fic, the mane six listen to random earth songs that they catch on twilights crude radio receiver, including what a wonderful world and Particle man.
Would be nice if someone knew them and could link them here.

>>29631988
those sound terrible. i only read stories about bronies who go to equstria and become alicorn of fucking who then go on to fuck every pony while saving the world as the seventh element- the element of cock

>>29631988
>In the other fic, the mane six listen to random earth songs that they catch on twilights crude radio receiver, including what a wonderful world and Particle man.
Here you go: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/132548/the-mane-six-discover-human-music

I don't have a great memory of it, though. It gets boring pretty quick.

>>29632575
thanks brah

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kQuu1t9CZI&feature=youtu.be
Aforementioned Disability part 8

I had to scream and shout while reading something. Felt good.

So, I don't know what it is, but my internet seems to go down around the same time, everyday, since last Thursday. It didn't go down today, but since it goes back up relatively quick, I'm changing the schedule to 12:00 PM PST. Still on Thursdays

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>>29631988
>one lovecraftian twilight fic where she discovers sunset's research on the elder gods, and tries to fight against their infulence on her mind.
That sounds similar to a story I've had in development for a while.
If you remember which one it is, I'd like to read it.

Hey, does anyone have Bleedin's old profile pic? The one with the donkey with painted face?
I need it because reasons.

>>29633716
It's this one.
https://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=category&user=65695

He's changed his profile pic a lot

>>29633672
>tfw 3/4 of the posts you replied to were mine
Good to hear this fic is still happening, it sounded pretty cool.

>>29633672
This sounds like a really fun idea. But I have to ask, does the BBEG have to be a BBEG? By that I mean how central to the plot is it that he have sentience? What if 'he' was just some entity, and all it knows is that it doesn't want to be discovered and that it can wipe memories/proof of its existence? I feel like it might be if not more engaging then easir to write in a 20-40k word story than 100k if the BBEG hasn't got a plot arc of its own. Rather than having to bet it, twilight just has to find out what it is, then figure out a solution to it.

Just a thought. I'll read it whatever you go with.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/238523/a-dangerous-sparkle
Currently on chapter 38, where they're on the quest to get the magic book. This arc seems kind of shitty.

>spike has a 5-minute chat with the satyr girl
>this causes her to realize what her cutie mark means
>her mom thanks spike by giving him some magic boots

>dungeon full of love-themed traps
>one requires spike and the satyr to confess their love to one another in front of the rest of the party
>everyone's reaction: "ok, puzzle is solved, on to the next one"

Dude should have slowed the fuck down and given his characters a chance to react to things. This isn't a D&D campaign, it's a Final Fantasy speedrun.

>>29634242
>This arc seems kind of shitty.
just the one arc?

>>29634735
The stuff before this was more-or-less okay.

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>>29633672
>Just as things are getting out of control and the entity is facing off with twilight a helicopter flies overhead, and 6 bipedal figures rappel out.
>The last thing Twilight sees is the strange symbol on their clothes.
>The last thing she hears is one of the figures-
"Fuck working in the memetic department."


yes I am an autism

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>>29633735
>>29633716
I found it eventually.

>>29633848
I've been a little shit regarding my writing, but lately I'm tyring to work on a steady pace. Hopefully that means I can write more complete stories in the foreseeable future.

>>29634197
>does the BBEG have to be a BBEG?
The nameless entity's a BBEG in the same way Yog-Sothoth is the BBEG in The Dunwich Horror. It's the instigator of all the events of the story, but doesn't play a direct role in it.

>By that I mean how central to the plot is it that he have sentience?
Null. It's more about what the primitive Elder God is doing to regain power and escape Tartarus and rule this plane of existence than any specific nefarious plot.

>What if 'he' was just some entity, and all it knows is that it doesn't want to be discovered and that it can wipe memories/proof of its existence?
That's precisely what it is. It grows powerful by reaping the chaos generated by the memory disturbances, hence why Discord plays a role in Twilight's ultimate defeat of the creature or does she? yeah, she does.

>I feel like it might be if not more engaging then easir to write in a 20-40k word story than 100k if the BBEG hasn't got a plot arc of its own. Rather than having to bet it, twilight just has to find out what it is, then figure out a solution to it.
I think I mention that in the screencap. The whole story is an excuse for me to write Twilight using logic to defeat an Elder God with the creepiest atmosphere I can create. I mention that I'll probably keep it contained to six or seven 4k chapters, which would total 25k~35k words when done. I don't want to stretch this indefinitely.

>>29635059
Ok when I read it again, and with what you just said, I think it does sound more like that. It does sound cool though.

>>29635059
>Discord
>she
?

>>29635495
>sows chaos
>turns friends against one another
>rarely admits to ever doing anything wrong
>is a total cunt
was there ever any doubt?

>>29629189
>>29630493
Oh shit, hey, something I can contribute too.
So yeah. The word "alicorn" has referred to a unicorn's horn (or to the material it's made of, or the medicine you make of it). And it has a complex and uncertain etymology, but a popular one was a mixture of Arabic and the original Latin (since it was coined by alchemists and they liked Arabic).

In Bearing an Hourglass, Piers Anthony used "Alicorn" as the name of a singular creature, who explains the origin of his name, and gave it pretty much exactly as the etymology for the horn substance.
And the best evidence I could find says that almost every use of the term for a winged unicorn thereafter was inspired by him.

But here's the hilarious part.
So first, you can find the word "alacorn" on usenet newsgroups that are almost as old as that book, used for online furry personas (personae, if you must). This was a portmanteau of alate (winged) and unicorn.

Now, "unicorn" came from "unicornis" (meaning "having a single horn").
But here's the hilarious part: the grammatically correct combining form of ala (wing)? It's ali-.

Alicornis, then, means "having wings and horn(s)"!

By _sheer accident_ Piers Anthony ended up _accidentally_ giving his character the grammatically correct name.

>>29627981
I started writing fanfiction long before horsewords; and so I've seen this type of discussion come round many times before.
So yeah, there seem to be plenty of people that also consider it important.

I think it's important to acknowledge it's a taste issue right off the bat. I've seen these get vitriolic, because it becomes too easy to make it an argument about whether something is "derivative enough", which is really hilarious when you think about it.
>"Oh no, this monster tricked me into reading this interesting story by using names from characters I love!"

There's a spectrum and everybody's got the spread they're interested in.

I'm actually not terribly interested in the end of the spectrum that's "This could basically be an episode [or book, or side-story, etc]".

A lot of FiMFic is essentially at Alternate Universe fic with the premise, "What if the world of Friendship is Magic included the tragic and dramatic struggles (and also the sex) that happens in our real life [or soap operas, depending]?"

To my mind, the vast majority of fanfic authors are writing because they're inspired by the original material. No matter how extremely they diverge, twist, and reverse characteristics, it's still fundamentally informed by the setting, characters, and stories we love.

So I usually give them a lot of benefit of the doubt, because it's probably my primary joy as both a reader and a writer to explore interesting speculation on what a different world or a different tone does to a character, or a different character does to a world.

Though I'll freely admit I've definitely finished some fics and found myself thinking about how disappointing it was how weakly they justified their characters' personalities and actions.

3 hours

I hope we can fucking brake the curse on this chapter

>>29637427
1 hour

Internet went down just now, so I'm hoping against hope that it won't when I start streaming

In for the cursed stream

oh who am I kidding? its in 15 minutes and I'll have forgotten about it by then

>>29638168
Here's a gentle reminder

10 minutes

>>29638193
twitch tv/voiceguystreamswhatever

It has begun

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I found comment 8000000 the other day at https://www.fimfiction.net/story/360776/tryouts#comment/8000000 . Does anyone keep track of comment milestones on Fimfiction?

(Also, how pathetic are these people's friendships that they get destroyed playing Scrabble?)

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>>29637427
>brake

After years of away from MLP, I have finally come up with a new story

What do you think?

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/366639/cage-of-sin

>>29638230
Over

What fun we have, even when only one person shows up. Should probably do them on the weekends so more people so up or something.

>>29638733
The finished product

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOBtOk2e6QA
The Chase by Kudzuhaiku chapter 4

We've got a long road ahead of us.

>>29638558
I think you need to shit or get off the pot on your four incomplete stories. And that you need an editor who's fluent in written English.

>>29638733
I'm sure people are more free on weekends.

>>29638769
Hot damn, is this stupid.

>>29639767
After sitting in on a few streams, what strikes me isn't just how dumb the whole thing is, but how strange it manages to be.

The story has elements to it which feel nonsensical or completely out of place, and the only reason I can think of for them being in there is that Kuzupazuzu (or whatever his name is) thinks that he's a much better writer than he actually is.

There's something about his alternate version of Equestria that invites much closer scrutiny than the canon version, and it doesn't hold up to any kind of critical thinking.

>>29638971
>your four incomplete stories
don't know man, don't know if ponies has reclaimed my interest. I'm more into Ever After High at this point (which is pretty good, bestiality girl is best girl). Don't know if "Cage of Sin" was just a one of story

>>29640107
I wouldn't worry too much about that half of the post. There are a few anons ITT who fly into an autistic frenzy any time they see an incomplete story.

The part about needing an editor, though, you should probably look into.

By the way, I didn't read your fic, and here's why: the title and description sound kind of edgy, and 4/4 tags are things I normally avoid.

>>29640107
>bestiality girl

Explain!

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>>29640147
>the title and description sound kind of edgy, and 4/4 tags are things I normally avoid.
That's fine, I'm kind of a tragedy fan.

>>29640175
>Explain!
Cerise Hood is born from Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf

>>29639890
>Kuzupazuzu (or whatever his name is)
Kudzu, as in the vine that grow almost as tangled as his plots; haiku, as in a form of poetry defined by brevity, the exact opposite of what he practices.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/276360/a-changeling-invasion
its celestas vacation of relaxing all over again.
Is this some kind of new fad or requirement to list in detail what goes on in every chapter or what?

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>>29639890
Speaking of nonsensical overwritten epics, sometimes I passingly wonder what kind of insanity goes on in JusSonic's multiverse. Apparently he killed off Spike at some point. (I've read https://www.fimfiction.net/group/201778/rage-reviews/thread/225350/rage-review-peewee-returns and don't really want to go deeper.)

>>29640620
>http://www.fimfiction.net/story/276360/a-changeling-invasion
>only 610 words
Hey, voiceguy. Wanna read another stupid description?

>>29640620
Maybe so you can skip to the chapters featuring your preferred fetish? Normally that would be stupid since you'd miss out on plot developments, but for stories like this I imagine that's not a major concern.

>>29640620
It's a fetish story. Some people like to be able to find the fetishes they like and avoid the ones they don't. Not sure I see what's wrong with it.

>>29640668
its apparently new to me. i dont think ive seen that prior to celestias relaxing vacation, then i stumbled across this one a short while later.

i just thought it seemed odd, but if its common in the deviant community then so be it

>>29640385
Jesus, that animation looks Bratz tier

>Ever After High is a fashion doll franchise released by Mattel in July 2013.
>It is a companion line to the Monster High dolls.
Well, that explains that.

>>29640724
>Well, that explains that.
yeah, that's the major downside to it.

Luckily, the books are good and the characters are fun and complex enough to keep things interesting, it is infinitely much better than Monster High.

I could easily go into a tangent about what makes these girls so interesting and deep.

>>29640742
>I could easily go into a tangent about what makes these girls so interesting and deep.
Then do so, it's not as though there's much else going on in the thread.

>it's a rarity chapter
>1,987 words long
>7 uses of "darling"
That's about one per page, if you can't be bothered with the math

>>29641302
amazing restraint by the writer. I've seen rarity shit out a darling in every spoken line in more than a few times

>>29640620
>Is this some kind of new fad
No, but writing "what happens when Twilight teleports" stories is, apparently.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/341279/blink
There's the edgy grimdark.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/365213/eyes-open
The fix fic for the edgy grimdark.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/366603/blink-and-you-miss-it
The comfy SoL.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/365192/rapid-blink
The bureaucratic grimdark.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/366645/clink
And, of course, the parody and/or clopfic.

>>29642107
We've got to figure out how these fads get started, then determine how to manipulate it into happening

What was that one of bleedins about spike flying into celestias asshole or something like that?
Imagine if you will, dozens of fics , written by all sorts of mindless bandwagoners and trendfollowers, about spike flyinh up celestias anus.

It would be glorious. and horrifyingand possibly usher in the final demise of fimfiction

4 hour bump

>>29642107
>blink
>blink
>blink
>clink

This fandom is very creative.

>>29642999
where did the whole blink thing even come from, tripsmeister? was that ever mentioned in the show or did one guy come up with it and everyone latched on to it?

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It's been too long. Someone needs to give me an Aryanne adventure fic. I want to read tales of my nazi mascot going on adventures throughout horseland, and perhaps purging a few degenerates along the way.

>>29643334
>>29620664

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>>29643333

>>29643363
Good idea. I'll ask them, too. Though, I'm not really expecting an answer, from that thread or from this one.

>>29642999
>>29643105
I'm sure "blinking" has been used for teleportation in a lot of fiction; but in this case, 341279 is the original and the others are latchers.

>>29642373
For some reason a lot of ocalhoun's stories in particular have spinoffs.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/60437/first-impression
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/115459/the-canterlot-vaults
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/146732/one-in-a-million
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/154553/the-great-and-powerful-protege
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/185174/pop
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/192027/a-mothers-love-never-dies
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/198821/frostbite-the-snowmare
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/202356/cellys-day-off
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/205433/undeliverable
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/212626/princess-celestia-is-in-your-bed
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/213347/my-little-pony-friendship-is-overpowered-season-1
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/222685/unicorn-horns-are-made-of-candy
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/222780/prince-blueblood-wants-his-wings-back
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/245076/true-love-never-dies-cancelled
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/272032/change-is-good
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/271593/twiley-takes-shining-armor-to-linecon
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/273427/the-unfortunate-stabbing-of-nurse-redheart
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/287387/get-clean
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/288366/arachnophillia
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/296863/the-adventures-of-batsy-fluffentuft-the-magnificent
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/298492/the-most-annoying-infestation
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/303739/six-to-eight-weeks-dungeon

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Is it bad that I thought of ponies while reading this?

Gods:
>Anzu, lion-headed eagle god
Gilda (reversing the lion and eagle parts)
>Anu, Lord of the Gods
Star Swirl the Bearded
>Aruru, Goddess of Birth
Cup Cake
>Ea, God of Wisdom
Applejack
>Enlil, God of Storms
A Windigo
>Ereshkigal, Queen of the Netherworld
Chrysalis
>Ishtar, Goddess of Love and Fertility
Cadance
>Shamash, God of the Sun
Celestia (with Moonlight Raven as Aya, his bride)
>Siduri, Maker of Wine
Pinkie Pie
>Sin, God of the Moon
Luna
>Sumuqan, God of Animals
Angel Bunny

Immortals:
>Urshanabi, ferryman of Utanapishtim
Spike
>Utanapishtim, survivor of the Deluge
Twilight Sparkle

Mortals:
>Enkidu, wild man of the forest
Fluttershy
>Gilgamesh, brash and selfish king
Rainbow Dash
>Shamhat, temple harlot
Rarity

Monsters:
>Bull of Heaven
Tirek
>Humbaba, Guardian of the Forest
Sombra

Cast not necessarily final. Characters would have the appearance of their pony selves (plus or minus wings and/or horns), but the sex and gender of the characters they replace.

(No, I'm not actually going to write it. I don't really want it that badly; and in any case it'd be against Fimfiction's "Stories you did not write" rule.)

>>29629010
So, cancer.

Any good Mind Control and/or Gender Bender stuff?

>>29643988
Yes

>>29644286
Not much I've personally read and can recommend. I'm pretty sure there are groups for it, though.

Mind control:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/62074/friendship-is-optimal
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/142482/my-little-pony-vore-is-magic
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/169867/flutterdeath (short)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/171459/the-fight-inside (short)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/257968/one-plus-one-will-always-equal-two-here (short)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/313332/quiet-boy-and-moon-horse (depending on interpretation)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/342153/my-new-friend-thinks-im-delicious (skip "chapter 3.5")

>>29643988

It's almost like it's a founding book of Human Literary Canon or something.

>>29643534
>true-love-never-dies-cancelled

Ain't that the truth.

>>29643988
Now give me a list for Romance of the Three Kingdoms so I can remember the difference between Sun Jian and He Jin.

Can we not have "aryanne" in the OP? It filters out this thread as well as the stormfaggot thread

>>29634968
It's alright, it's a good autism

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>>29646327
are you having trouble avoiding the bootyblast?

Fug, I can't remember my canon anymore.
We still don't know how much time passed between when Equestria was founded and the princesses took over, right?

So there could still have been a considerable period after Equestria was founded, but before Discord and the Royal Sisters came around?

>>29646913
>We still don't know how much time passed between when Equestria was founded and the princesses took over, right?
It hasn't been given in the show, though it could be in the comics I guess. Also, don't forget Celestia and Luna were on the Equestrian flag in the Hearth's Warming play.

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I want to write the most retarded thing imaginable that will still get a following half the size of Past Sins. Give me:
>some retarded idea(e.g.; sociopathic dyke bullshits her way through life)
>why autists would like it(follow-up e.g.; Bethesdrones, enough said)
>why it's awful(follow-up follow-up e.g.; rapes canon even if you forget everything past mid-S2 pr whenever it ended, unlikable characters, horrid morals that say a lot about Kkat and his world view, okay I'll stop)
I will blend all the ideas you give me and see if people eat it up. No crossovers though. That would be easy mode,

>>29646913
So the primary issue with a ssuming a long time frame between the founding and the Princesses is that Star Swirl was already old enough to mentor Clover before the founding, and he was around during Luna and Celestia's lifetime, which means that the time between those two time periods shouldn't be more than the lifespan of a single pony.

If you take the Journal of the Two Sisters as canon, Celestia and Luna were fillies around the time of the founding and raised by Star Swirl.

Now, there are a few ways to get around this. First of all, you can ignore the Journal, since it's basically secondary canon. Then, you can either assume that Luna and Celestia were around during the founding, but didn't take over the government until much later, or you can take the Hearth's Warming Eve play as an-universe historical fiction, and assume that Star Swirl being around for the founding was an error by the playwright.

>>29646999
>the time between those two time periods shouldn't be more than the lifespan of a single pony
Sure.
Though to be fair, ponies live an indeterminate amount of time. Granny Smith is older than Ponyville, which makes her positively ancient.
Especially if we take Twilight's remark in Winter Wrap Up at face value:
>"No Spike, Ponyville was started by Earth ponies, so for hundreds of years they've never used magic to clean up winter. It's traditional."

Plus Star Swirl is a wizard. I wouldn't have a hard time convincing anyone that he's supremely ancient and mystical.

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>>29645178
I doubt it was the one and only original source of ideas like sun gods, moon gods and tyrant kings, if that's what you mean.

I'm not sure at what point exactly I started thinking of ponies, but the animals rejecting Enkidu reminded me of Fluttershy at the gala; and of course, who else am I going to picture for a sun god, a moon god and a goddess of love?

The Eternal Flower probably also wasn't a coincidence.

Two characters I forgot:
>Utanapishtim's wife
Moon Dancer
>Serpent
Tiny Discord

>>29645778
Wish I could help. I'm currently largely failing to keep track of the characters in the Iliad.

>>29646997
Important ingredients in the Past Sins formula: young and explosively growing fandom, lavish promotional art, relentless networking and self-promotion.

As for ideas, I'm feeling too lazy.

>>29628927

>>29646913
Honestly, the backstory has been broken since at least Hearth's Warming Eve. Instead of Discord being the ruler of Equestria til the sisters overthrew him, now he's just a monster of the week, apparently not staying long enough or doing enough damage to disrupt their continuity of government.

I briefly entertained the idea that after Discord's defeat, the Hearth's Warming story was cobbled together to give the confused, newly freed ponies a sense of heritage and identity independent of their oppressor. But I'm not sure that that really works, especially given later canon.

>>29647588
Didn't mean to link the OP there; sorry.

>>29647588
Ancient pony history could be amazing as fuck if you could find some way of corroborating everything together, but that would take a lot of brainpower to do

The C&L flag being used at hearthswarming clearly indicates c&l were important as hell if not running the government at that point, yet racial tensions and hostility were obviously a thing


Did they ever say how long ago that was supposed to jave been? With some thought i could almost put HWE shortly after the first NMM incident which would make equestria less than a thousand years old

>>29646913
I'm doing a thing in the Writefags' Guild where I try to make synopses of each episode with a focus on canon and characterization.
I've still got half of season 6 left, but if any of those impact the historical lore, I haven't seen it.

To answer your question, it seems likely to me that the sisters were almost immediately made the diarchs of Equestria. This is mostly because of the flag at the end of the Hearth's Warming play (which is repeated the second time the story is told, in Hearth Breakers; and there's also The Journal of the Two Sisters, which explicitly says as much, though a few elements of that are a stretch from canon now).

Nothing has explicitly confirmed that though.

>>29646999
>>29647588

So for those who don't remember the details, Tirek and Scorpan visited Equestria when Starswirl was "a young wizard"; and Celestia and Luna were already in their guardianship role over it.
(Starswirl still being a young wizard after Equestria was founded and also being clover's mentor isn't that odd: look at the youthful Twilight teaching Glimmer, who I tend to assume is older than her.)

The big question is the assumption that the sister's rule only came about after the defeat of Discord.
But nothing says that Discord didn't begin his reign (whether it was a thousand years long or a day) by overthrowing the sisters.

Though there is this speech:
>"Before my sister and I stood up to him, he ruled Equestria in an eternal state of unrest and unhappiness, Luna and I saw how miserable life was for Earth ponies, Pegasi, and unicorns alike, so after discovering the Elements of Harmony, we combined our powers and rose up against him, turning him to stone."
which does sound like Celestia and Luna's first encounter with him was confronting him with the elements.
But a) they're wearing crowns even when they seek out the elements. It's also easy to imagine that what she means is that until they found the Elements, they just couldn't stand up to him.

>>29647733
If this is the case, Discord's attack could've come literally any amount of time after founding, Tirek's attack, Starswirl's life, etc.


On the Journal's stretch from canon: the Crystalling pretty strongly implies (but doesn't rule out) that Luna and Celestia weren't born alicorns, and that generally there wasn't a race of them sitting around. And Princess Twilight makes it seem really weird that Celestia and Luna would know the location of the Tree of Harmony before Discord attacked.

I do like your idea that the Hearth's Warming Story was a fiction. It would explain why an apparently reasonable pony could doubt the literal truth of the founding.

>>29647657
>With some thought i could almost put HWE shortly after the first NMM incident

Discord and Tirek's attacks both explicitly happen to Equestria—one full of ponies, for that matter—and both are dealt with by both sisters, meaning the Unification must have happened before Nightmare Moon, though I'm sure you could argue that the time between Unification and NMM was very short (which would make it the very definition of "interesting times").

>>29647742
Well I fucked this up. This is supposed to be:
>But a) they're wearing crowns even when they seek out the elements.
>and b) It's easy to imagine that what she means is that until they found the Elements, they just couldn't stand up to him.

And here:
>I do like your idea that the Hearth's Warming Story was a fiction. It would explain why an apparently reasonable pony could doubt the literal truth of the founding.

I meant to add the note: (as in Hearth's Warming Tail, both with Glimmer and in the story).

>>29647657
Pretty sure that that doesn't work, at least with literal canon. The tribes are portrayed like they've been separate nations for a long time, with their own culture and government; not different races under one nation that have only recently started to be divided. The first words of the Nightmare Moon story are "Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria...".

I'm not sure it just a matter of brainpower; more a matter of judgment. To fix the contradictions, you pretty much have to choose some parts of canon to alter or just throw out. But only the current or former show staff can do that authoritatively; if a fan writer tries to do it they're not resolving a contradiction, just committing one (or at least writing a story that contradicts canon). It's frustrating.

[Pt. 1]

>>29642999
It's a fanon thing, probably to make it sound more "unique." The show has always just used "teleportation."

>>29643534
Don't forget the original original Blink (https://www.fimfiction.net/story/269332/blink) which has no grimdark or giant fishbowls filled with corpses.

>>29646913
Correct. The only firm time is that ~1000 years passed since NMM first happened and that the Crystal Empire disappeared almost immediately prior to it.

Celestia getting all the credit for dealing with Sombra and that being what kicked Luna over the edge remains my personal favorite headcanon.

>considerable period
While not definite, the fact Luna perfectly remembers what outfit Star Swirl ("Thou even got the bells right.") wore strongly implies she knew him personally and since he was already well established when Equestria was founded, that would also suggest the princesses took over not long after.

>>29646997
>some retarded idea
Edgy warfic where Celestia and Luna went missing a year after Luna's return, Cadance is the overstressed Viceroy who's slowly sliding down into authoritarianism trying desperately to hold things together, the unicorns are frying out a dozen a month trying to keep the sun/moon going, Dragonlord Whatever the Hell Ember's Dad's Name Is has seen the princesses disappearance as a divine sign the dragons need to assert their superiority over the planet in order to ensure everyone's survival, the griffons have found their artifact and also take the disappearance as a sign their Empire will rise anew, all while the M6 try to figure out what happened to the princesses.

Then the Crystal Empire pops back into existence.

>why autists would like it
It's a dark warfic with a mystery and lore. If it's written well, you could create a whole -verse.

[Pt. 2]

>why it's awful
The princesses disappearance is the lynchpin that connects the whole thing and I got no idea why they'd disappear. You can't do a great mystery/warfic without knowing what the central premise's conclusion is supposed to be.

>>29647115
>Twilight's remark
That fucking sentence has sparked so many autistic grammatical arguments does the "they" mean "earth ponies" or "Ponyville's residents?" over the years it's not even funny.

>>29647588
I still love the headcanon that Equestria was founded, run by ponies, then Discord fucked everything up so badly that the Princesses then had to step in and assume control.

>>29647657
>corroborating everything together
It's really not that hard:
>founding
>Tirek and Scorpan
>Discord
>princesses take over for good
>Crystal Empire
>NMM
[power gap]
>show

You can mix things around a bit, but it's canon that: Scorpan befriended a younger Star Swirl, which means that has to take place soon after Equestria's founding. Luna knew a great deal about Star Swirl, which suggests she was around when he was. The Crystal Empire disappeared approximately 1000 years prior to S3. Since Luna was shown fighting/banishing Sombra, it had to happen prior to NMM's banishment, which pegs it just before.

>clearly indicates
Or the prop guy at the play only had a modern banner and decided to use it.

>>29647742
>any amount of time
Correct. All we know for sure is it had to happen prior to NMM's banishment.

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>>29630844
>the Journal of the Two Sisters has griffon territories sharing a border with it
Small correction: the griffon lands border the old pegasus territories (apparently reclaimed from the Windigos), not the new lands.

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>>29646999 >>29647733
>Journal of the Two Sisters
I tried to look at the Journal and put together a rough sequence of events incorporating it; but it's hard to make sense of some of it.

>When the Crystal ponies found that Crystal Heart, the young Unicorn Amore found her true calling... Amore immediately got her cutie mark of a crystalline heart and became princess of the Crystal Empire.
So, where were the crystal ponies before then?

>the Crystalline Mountain [was] where the Crystal Heart was originally discovered by the ponies mining for crystals.
So they were mining. In a frozen wasteland with magically aggressive weather? Were they an underground civilization, like dwarves? What was it called if not the Crystal Empire, and how was it organized if not under a Crystal Princess? Was the "Empire" originally called that because it consisted of their homeland inside the mountain plus their colony out on the surface? What happened to the mountain home?

>>29648019
Sculpted into the castle over several generations.

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>>29648019
Then Fiendship #1 comes along and claim that the crystal ponies *created* the Crystal Heart as a weapon against the Umbrum. The Journal was published June 10, 2014, while Fiendship was published April 1, 2015 - does it *really* take so long to write a comic that they couldn't have revised the story to make it consistent?

FiM #36 claims that the Umbrum were trapped for "thounsands [sic] of years". Was the Crystal Empire established that long ago? Did Amore live that long, despite only being a unicorn and not an alicorn? Was it intact and secure during all the time of the Windigo crisis? Why did ponies go out looking for a promised land in the wilderness instead of just trying to convince the Empire to take them in (or else trying to force their way in)?

The same issue has Chrysalis describe a time when the Umbrum ruled the Crystal Empire; presumably before the ponies possessed the Heart. That seems to pretty conclusively put it in a different continuity from the Journal. Also: Chrysalis is more than two thousand years old? Suppose the comic is set in 1010; then Chrysalis was already alive in -990. Since Fiendship #5 has Chrysalis imprisoned only *after* Nightmare Moon's banishment, does that mean she was sacking cities and draining ponies all through that time? How the hell does a war last that long without one side or the other being either beaten or wiped out?

Furthermore, Star Swirl was apparently present (and already white-bearded) at Chrysalis' birth. Since he was also present after Nightmare Moon's banishment, apparently he lived more than 1000 years old in all. One wonders what could have finally done him in.

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>>29648023
Nice idea, but see illustration.

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>>29648019
>The Crystal ponies began mining, and since no dragon disturbed them, they figured all was well. When they found the Crystal Heart and the Crystal Empire was born, all concerns about the dragon completely vanished.
So, crystal ponies came to the mountain within recorded history; and in fact, less than the length of a single dragon nap ago. So where did they come from? Why did they come? And what happened to all the rest of them? This is long enough before the sisters' coronation for that whole elaborate city to be built; so it seems unlikely that the windigo crisis was the reason.

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>>29646994
>>29647657
>>29647733
>>29647970
>the Equestrian flag in the Hearth's Warming play
The Journal takes the position that the flag wasn't historically accurate for the play; rather, it was designed for the sisters later by Princess Platinum. (Though still *before* they got their cutie marks. Maybe she got the symbols from the Tree of Harmony?)

>the sisters were almost immediately made the diarchs of Equestria
Depends on how you define "almost immediately", I guess. There seems to have been enough time for ponies to explore the new land and for kingdoms and empires to establish themselves in various regions.

Or is the whole concept of the Hearth's Warming play a huge traditional joke about the "Founders" going on a quest for a "new land", wandering around in circles, then coming back and "discovering", "naming" and "founding" the same land that they came from? (With another level of meaning in that it was "renewed" with the magic of friendship, reuniting the tribes and banishing the windigoes.)

>>29647965
>It's a fanon thing, probably to make it sound more "unique." The show has always just used "teleportation."
Does it ever actually use the word, or is that just what we call it?

G1 reportedly used "winking". "Blinking" is close to that without being lewd. That might be part of the reason for the word choice.

>Don't forget the original original Blink (https://www.fimfiction.net/story/269332/blink) which has no grimdark or giant fishbowls filled with corpses.
To be fair, some readers seem to have seen it as grimdark.

>The only firm time is that ~1000 years passed since NMM first happened and that the Crystal Empire disappeared almost immediately prior to it.
I don't know about the "almost immediately" part, unless you mean the fact that both are referred to as "1000 years" ago.

>>Tirek and Scorpan
>>Discord
>>princesses take over for good
On the other hand, Luna says "Scorpan alerted us"; suggesting that they were already in charge. Maybe that's what you mean about mixing things around.

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>>29647733
>The big question is the assumption that the sister's rule only came about after the defeat of Discord.
>But nothing says that Discord didn't begin his reign (whether it was a thousand years long or a day) by overthrowing the sisters.
>
>Though there is this speech:
>>"Before my sister and I stood up to him, he ruled Equestria in an eternal state of unrest and unhappiness, Luna and I saw how miserable life was for Earth ponies, Pegasi, and unicorns alike, so after discovering the Elements of Harmony, we combined our powers and rose up against him, turning him to stone."

Yes; it's hard to reconcile that with later canon. This is where it seems helpful to distinguish between continuities. In Faust continuity, you can take the speech at face value, with Discord's reign as firmly entrenched and the sisters as heroically proactive as it suggests. In later continuities, you can let more recent material overrule it and accept that it's misleading. Too bad all problems in the show can't be resolved that way.

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>>29647115
>Luna levitated a mirror up to Star Swirl, showing him that he was now significantly younger and only had a short brown beard upon his chin!

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>>29647742
>you could argue that the time between Unification and NMM was very short (which would make it the very definition of "interesting times").
On one hand, the sisters we see in flashbacks seem a lot more serious and mature than the bubbly pseudo-teenagers portrayed in the Journal. And the younger they were when recruited, the less we have to wonder about what they were doing all the time before then. On the other hand, the younger and less mature they were, the more comprehensible the Nightmare Moon incident is.

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>>29648031
>six pointed star
Cry$tal Empire confirmed for Der Ewige Jude.

When will someone write a story where Aryanne drops Zyklon B bombs on this Jewish shithole?

>>29648358
>aryanne
This is your daily reminder to commit suicide

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>>29648378
kys degenerate cuck

>>29648428
Your parents must love you.

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>>29648433
They do.

>>29646913
Exactly. Equestria gets founded and a flag chosen, but we have no idea of how much time of conflict passed between the landing, the flag (And apparently princess appearing too, considering what's drawn on it) being chosen and Discord.

I'm guessing Discord was at least a few hundred years before NMM, since the two princesses seem to be still willing to cooperate and not jealous.

>>29647657
This is what I'm going with:

>Interracial conflict
>Landing on Equestria/going south
>Tirek situation
>Discord comes fill in a gap in an Equestria ravaged by Tirek
>Princesses overthrow Discord, sun and moon flag chosen
>Few hundred/thousand years
>NMM
>1000 years
>show

Basically, HWE's ending where they raise the flag happens several hundred years after the ponies actually make up toghether.

>>29648097
>Or is the whole concept of the Hearth's Warming play a huge traditional joke about the "Founders" going on a quest for a "new land", wandering around in circles, then coming back and "discovering", "naming" and "founding" the same land that they came from?

You know what, that's actually a really good and logical idea. By putting aside conflicts and going on an adventure with their friends, the three tribes kept the Windigoes away for a bit, so that they would find unscathed and unfrozen land when they'd come back.

The main problem I see with this is that it would require the entirety of the race to travel, since you'd inevitably run into some of your own towns on the road and realize that you're just turning in circles. Perhaps unicorn haven't discovered all the land, but since pegasi can fly and earth ponies have ridiculous endurance, I don't really see how any part of Equestria would be undiscovered.

>>29647657
>The C&L flag being used at hearthswarming clearly indicates c&l were important as hell if not running the government at that point, yet racial tensions and hostility were obviously a thing
It's not much of a stretch to believe that the play just uses their modern flag at the end, instead of the historical one.

Kind of like a play about the founding fathers ending with them hoisting the modern American flag.

>>29647970
>does the "they" mean "earth ponies" or Ponyville's residents?
It almost has to mean Ponyville's residents, right? Because the other possibility makes it sound like a few centuries ago the Earth Ponies all cleared away winter some other way.

>>29648566
>>Princesses overthrow Discord, sun and moon flag chosen
The choosing of the flag seems pretty arbitrarily late.

>>29648583
I wasn't saying that they literally thought it was a new land; just that the story might be traditionally told that way as a joke/allegory.

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Help me, Fimfiction, for I am considering writing real fiction.

>>29647115
>ponies live an indeterminate amount of time. Granny Smith is older than Ponyville, which makes her positively ancient.
Another problem that could be resolved by acknowledging separate continuities (>>29648130). In Faust continuity, Ponyville is hundreds of years old; in post-Faust, it was founded in living memory.

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>>29648358
When you bother to do it or hire someone to do it. What kind of question is that?

>>29649317
And?

>>29649317
Finish your fimfics first, cunt

>>29641302
>page
Do you print stories out to read them or something?

>>29649509
Pages are easier to visualize and more people are familiar with that metric than raw word count. When I first started reading/writing fanfics I used to convert story lengths into page lengths to get a feel of how long the story was.

>>29649533
I guess I'm in the minority; a "page" is too undefined a unit for me.

>>29648097
>The Journal takes the position that the flag wasn't historically accurate for the play; rather, it was designed for the sisters later by Princess Platinum. (Though still *before* they got their cutie marks. Maybe she got the symbols from the Tree of Harmony?)
A blog comment just drew my attention to the fact that the sisters also sign their journal entries with their future cutie marks. [shrug]

>>29649566
I guess it depends on how many paper books you've read and how consistent they are. I read a lot of romance novels, and they all come in the same standard paperback size, so it's easy for me to visualize. Fantasy, on the other hand, seems to have a different size or each series, even the paperback novels sometimes. If you read mostly hardcovers, then there's even more variability in page size.

So it seems it almost has to be one of these two chronologies:

a) Luna and Celestia chosen as rulers* immediately; Tirek and Scorpan come shortly after. Discord comes an unspecified amount of time later, ousts the sisters, rules for an unspecified period of time (could literally be a thousand years), they quest for the Elements of Harmony and use those to defeat him.

The big issue is that the way Celestia first talked about Discord doesn't really imply that he beat them and then they got vengeance.

b) The sisters chosen only after defeating Discord, and granted their position in honor of their victory. Scorpan and Tirek come after this.

This requires that the time from founding to Discord's defeat to Tirek is small enough that Starswirl is still young, making Discord about as successful the first time around as he is the second, which is kind of blah, and makes a thousand years of imprisonment seem like real overkill.

The first definitely seems the most plausible to me.

The Journal hasn't been outright contradicted in the show, but it definitely seems hard to square it with canon, as I mention here >>29647742
(* re "rulers") On the other hand, I do like its notion that Celestia and Luna aren't really chosen as 'diarchs', so much as protectors and final arbitrators between the many nations that make up the Equestrian Union.
(I also really like Luna having beast communication powers; evocative of the moon to wolf connection.)

>>29648566
There's an issue with Tirek before Discord; if Celestia and Luna are already in Equestria acting as its protectors, it doesn't really improve chronological soundness to say they're only given official positions in Equestria until after Discord.

>>29649642

>>29648097
>The Journal takes the position that the flag wasn't historically accurate for the play
Well, the play is obviously a heavily condensed retelling of history no matter what else. People don't go, "Hey let's found a country," and then have everything set up over night. That's also what I meant by almost immediately: that they were picked for the job as part of the nation-state founding, union-building process, which I imagine took several years.

>>29648667
>It almost has to mean Ponyville's residents, right?
It has to mean that. Well, the other interpretation is that Earth ponies Equestria wide were inspired to wrap up winter without magic because of Ponyville, which STILL requires it be hundreds of years old.
The only reason to interpret it otherwise is if one is so invested in their headcanon they can't allow themselves to read it otherwise.
I mean, it's a fair headcanon. Even if it's a rare exceptional pony that lives hundreds of years, you'd have to explain why Granny Smith is only a granny, and why Stinkin' Rich is only a (posthumous?) grand-dad.

Personally, I'm amused by 300 year old Granny, but if somebody doesn't want to deal with it, a much more reasonable explanation is that Twilight, having only been there half a year, is repeating a fact from the only book on the "History of Ponyville" she could find, which happened to be written by somebody who'd never bothered to actually go check, or just plain recorded the history wrong.
It's not like the founding of the town is an every day conversation topic, so she might not have heard more, and Twilight blinding trusting a scholarly book is very in character.

>>29648150
Yeah. But the more time they have to build up too. My headcanon is that Celestia getting literally all of the credit for King Sombra's defeat was the straw that broke the camel's back.

>>29649566
>>29649629
Most narrative fiction publishers have a manuscript standard of 250–300 words per page.

>>29648026
If you're taking the Journal as canon, he discovered a time travel spell that allowed him to jump about through time, allowing him to be present at many events throughout Equestrian history.

>>29648114
>Does it ever actually use the word, or is that just what we call it?
Near constantly. I think it's in the "prepared" song. Twilight says the word in reference to her not being able to control them after getting all the alicorn magic. Pretty sure she's said it elsewhere too.
Okay, I searched the transcripts, I guess it's not in the song, but it is in several other places. A lesson to Starlight, and in the list of things Starswirl was the best at.

>>29649650
>Earth ponies Equestria wide were inspired to wrap up winter without magic because of Ponyville

I think i'd be safe to assume it went the other way around. I don't expect a small town that was founded relatively recently to teach a whole species that was independent from pegasi and unicorn before Equestria to clear up snow.

>>29649642
Maybe they just came in at that time? The show doesn't mention them helping to resolve the situation in any manner before Scorpan sympathized with ponies.

Perhaps he was the one to give them enough power to resist Tirek if he were to come back? I'm thinking that Luna and Celestia were just normal unicorn rulers tasked (with others) to take care of the sun, and had their magical ability enhanced by Scorpan to make sure that Equestria isn't defenseless in case another enemy would attack them.

>>29642107
This is still my favourite "Twilight teleports" story.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/213598/twilights-escort-service

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>>29649642
The other issue with Tirek before Discord is that Tirek says "Discord. You're free?" in the show; making it sound as though Discord was already in stone when Tirek was sent to Tartarus. But on the other hand, that fits with his knowing about Cadance but not alicorn Twilight; as though he made some kind of initial recon during season 2, then went into hiding until season 4. Which doesn't make sense, but little does.

>This requires that the time from founding to Discord's defeat to Tirek is small enough that Starswirl is still young
Or maybe Tirek was playing the long con, Melkor style; coming to Equestria when Star[ S]wirl was young, and acting friendly for decades or centuries while secretly studying pony magic to perfect a way to extract it.

>makes a thousand years of imprisonment seem like real overkill
And apparently it was meant to be eternal.

Pony justice has weird contrasts. Serious villains and enemies might be killed outright (Windigos, show-canon Sombra), sentenced to fucking eternal imprisonment (Tirek, other Tartarus inmates, Discord originally, Umbrum) with no hope of release or even guards to talk to, or completely let off (Diamond Dogs, dragons, show-canon Chrysalis, Sirens). And the worst punishments have gone to villains without a single confirmed kill.

There's also a weird pattern of repeat offenders getting *lighter* sentences. Discord's first sentence was eternal, but on his second sentence got parole after less than two seasons. Comic-canon Chrysalis's first sentence was apparently eternal (though it apparently took on the order of a millennium to catch her), but her second was "only" 1,000 years, with attempts at reformation.

>>29649668
>If you're taking the Journal as canon
The comics don't seem to.

>he discovered a time travel spell that allowed him to jump about through time, allowing him to be present at many events throughout Equestrian history.
Time travel just raises further questions. Why did he nail up a warning sign in the past? Was he trying to change history? Did he succeed? IDW Discord claimed it couldn't be done, but Starlight showed otherwise (which I assume has since been adopted as IDW canon.) Are there at least two different Star Swirls in the IDW timeline, one native and one from a timeline without changelings? And that still leaves Amore an approximate millenarian.

>Twilight says the word in reference to her not being able to control them after getting all the alicorn magic. Pretty sure she's said it elsewhere too.
>Okay, I searched the transcripts, I guess it's not in the song, but it is in several other places. A lesson to Starlight
Confirmed; thanks.

>>29649805
>Perhaps he was the one to give them enough power to resist Tirek if he were to come back?
If so, he apparently failed at that. And we never see him demonstrate any particular power.

>>29650335
>he apparently failed at that.

Only after Tirek absorbed the energy of about every pony except the three princesses. If Equestria's population was smaller before, as it probably was, Tirek would have been necessarily weaker.

>>29649838
I'm still surprised how positive this thread is about the Triptych verse, given all the hate there is for most things. Maybe it's just not popular enough for hate.

>>29650366
>Triptych verse
What exactly is that? I only know that about every Estee story is part of that "Continuum" and yet I still have no idea what it's supposed to entail.

>>29650366
I thought this thread was pretty meh on them? Five Hundred Little Murders seemed well-liked, but when I mentioned I was going to read Triptych after that, I was told that it was all downhill from there.

>>29650384
Not sure why you mean. It's just what you say; a continuity consisting of various stories by Estee. The main and climactic story is apparently https://www.fimfiction.net/story/101769/triptych, a somber, unfinished pre-EqG epic exploring the meaning and consequences of Twilight's ascension. The rest seem to be prequels filling out its backstory, ostensibly set between show episodes but arguably quite different in tone, characterization and setting.

>>29650423
I may jumped to conclusions, then; I only read the discussion starting at >>29470722. I was >>29471189.

>>29650366 >>29650480
I might add that a pet peeve of mine is his not providing a timeline or reading order. I guess he wants readers to treat the stories and sub-series as stand-alone, but I don't want to, damn it. (Or at least I didn't back when I was reading them.)

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>pick back up a story I abandoned a while back
>reread it to get a better grasp on the flow of the story
>tfw I realise the entire thing develops entirely through dialogue
Seriously, if it weren't for the dialogue, my story would be just ponies entering and leaving rooms.

>>29646362
Must you encourage him?

>>29649317
Do it. It's really fun. And if you write well enough, you can get paid for it. The pony fandom is a diseased rotting corpse based on a massive corporation's copyrighted material. You're better off jumping ship.

>>29651466
This has been true for years at this point.

>>29650297
>as though he made some kind of initial recon during season 2, then went into hiding until season 4. Which doesn't make sense, but little does.
did he escape during the Cerberus thing, or was that headcanon?
when tirek did his thing he was initially very weak and would have had to move very discreetly to avoid gaining attention. spending 2 years slowly gaining power out on the fringes makes more sense than conquering equestria overnight

>>29651840
>did he escape during the Cerberus thing, or was that headcanon?
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Transcripts/Twilight%27s_Kingdom_-_Part_1
>Princess Luna: We believe it happened when Cerberus left his post at the gates.
Still unexplained: why Cerberus left his post, or how Twilight was fooled into thinking nothing had escaped.

>when tirek did his thing he was initially very weak and would have had to move very discreetly to avoid gaining attention. spending 2 years slowly gaining power out on the fringes makes more sense than conquering equestria overnight
You wouldn't think borrowing the occasional newspaper would be such a big risk, especially if he was getting stronger over time. And if he was the Pony of Shadows, he should've been able to see Twilight's wings up close.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/238523/a-dangerous-sparkle

>A very special chapter! Lex is an OC of a user on my Patreon and will be accompanying the crew for an undisclosed amount of chapters until his part's played. Much of his dialogue was done by Alzrius himself, though everypony else and the situation was written by me.
Oh for fuck's sake. I assume this is the literally-autistic OC I was warned about?

>>29652250
Yup. Have fun exploring Lex's super special abilities, backstory, personality, and ability to completely ruin the story with his very presence.

>>29652288
Well, there was the chapter where he showed up with his super-special horn, his super-special shadow, and his unimaginably dully """personality""", but he fucked off immediately afterwards, and has been gone for five or so chapters now. Guess he'll be back in another chapter or two, though.

>>29652288
>Have fun exploring Lex's super special abilities, backstory, personality, and ability to completely ruin the story with his very presence.
So, just like every OC in LtD?

>>29652288
>>29652336
Well, he's back.
>Lex sneered. "Humans are savages that can only pretend to have a culture of their own. It's not surprising they'd be debauched enough to find a pony attractive. But one of our own that reciprocates those feelings is clearly mentally ill." He turned his gaze to Soft Mane, "Especially if they're irresponsible enough to breed with one of them."
...he says to Soft Mane, the satyr who he's going to be working with for the next couple weeks.

>>29652377
Don't worry, it gets worse.

Also, I completely forgot that Lex's dialogue wasn't written by Silver. Whomever owns that OC really shouldn't be writing fanfiction.

>>29652435
>Don't worry, it gets worse.
Oh yeah. I'm already on the chapter where he spouts his entire life story for Sonata's benefit.
>super-genius
>1000 times smarter than the other foals his age
>gets admitted to CSGU
>still 100 times smarter than all the other students
>everyone hates him for literally no reason
>eventually drops out, so he won't be held back by all these plebians
>works on brilliant, earth-shattering research in secret
It's perfect. He's the ultimate fedora tipper. The fact that his research apparently doesn't work is just the cherry on top.

By the way, the chapter before this was ""interesting"". There's an AN at the bottom warning that it got retconned. From what I gathered from the comments, the original version went like this:
>RD is depressed because her wing got ripped off in a fight
>AJ tells her she's still a strong, beautiful, independent mare
>RD disputes the "beautiful" part in particular
>AJ fetches Twiggles
>AJ convinces Twiggles to shapeshift into a stallion version of AJ and then give RD the dick
>this is supposed to convince RD that she's still pretty
Hot damn. This fic wasn't great to begin with, but it's really gone off the rails since chapter 100.

>>29652517
It's sad, because I was enjoying the story before all that crap happened. Like, it wasn't the greatest, but it was a nice adventurous romp that was reasonably entertaining. Then it just goes completely off the rails. I'm debating whether or not to read the sequels now. Does anyone know if those stories go full retard too?

>>29652579
He adds this garbage OC, but then makes a bunch of good decisions regarding him. First he randomly fucks off for 6 or 7 chapters, and now he and the second-shittiest character Sonata have gotten separated from the rest of the party, so there's still several chapters where he doesn't show up at all.

It kind of looks like the author realized this character is shit, and did the bare minimum to fulfill his deal with the patron who designed the character, without ruining the rest of the story too badly.

>>29652579
>Does anyone know if those stories go full retard too?
Everything David Silver writes goes full retard sooner or later. Its not a question of if, its a matter of when.
also depends on your tolerance for retarded shit, but since you read horsewords clearly your bullshit tolerance is high

any idea what happend to ARTICLE 2 by Muppetz??

>>29648019
>got her cutie mark of a crystalline heart and became princess
Getting a butt stamp is all it took to be crowned leader of an empire? No wonder she was so shit at it.

>>29648026
>he was also present after Nightmare Moon's banishment
I'm assuming that's another Curnow fuck up? Because I don't recall him being shown in the show after NMM's banishment.

>the same land that they came from?
I think that's taking things a little too far. It's kind of hard to confuse new, fertile territory for an increasingly frozen wasteland.

>>29648114
The word "blink" has never been used in the show to describe teleportation or the act of teleporting. It is a purely fan-made definition. The word itself has been used several times for its traditional meanings. The word "teleport" (and it's derivatives) is what canon uses to describe teleportation.

>>29649650
Alternatively, you can just write it off as one of season 1's bizarre quirks, like the stallions pulling the train, AJ's floating ticket, and unicorns only being able to have telekinesis + their special talent's ability.

I'm almost positive when they wrote the Ponyville backstory episode, no one was autistic enough to remember a single throw away line in an episode written two years earlier, so a continuity hiccup occurred.

>>29649668
>several other places
Are those semi-canon (books, comics, etc.), because I can't find "blink" being used to refer to teleportation in any episode transcripts.

>>29652517
>RD is depressed
This fic better be old as fuck if it's trying to use the long dead Dash breaks a wing plot.

>>29653263
It's been a while since it last updated, but pretty sure it's still ongoing. The guy's an active marine (or at least was back in 2015) so work likely eats up a lot of his time.

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>>29652377
>>29652517
This is beautiful. He's an unintentional parody of the fedora-tipping special snowflake OC. I love him, I want to destroy his boipucci.

But this fanfic is almost as long as 'A Game of Thrones'. Is it really worth reading all that just to laugh at this... whatever this is?

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Voiceguy. Furry?

More at 11

I was checking the wikia to cross-reference some things, and I realise it's almost been three years since the first Maud Pie episode.

How does time fly so fast?

>>29653589
Are we from different planets? Does fedora mean something else where you're from? I've never seen a single "Fedora-tipping snowflake OC" in my life, and I won't believe that any exist until you stop clapping buzzwords together like they're pot lids and show me evidence of their existence. Just a few fanfics with the OC type you hate so much will do wonderfully.

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>>29654091
>How does time fly so fast?

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>>29654101

>>29654222
Oh no, you responded to my request for evidence with a snarky gif. My one weakness. You've found it.

ooooooohhhhhh nnnnnoooooo.

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>>29654229

>>29654101
wouldnt pretty much anything with an OC alicorn protagonist qualify?

>>29653513
>No wonder she was so shit at it.

I've always considered Celestia and Luna the only real princesses, and all others as "fake" alicorns who get granted the wings but don't actually live forever, and are essentially replaceable heirs.

>>29652250
>letting someone pay to have their OC shit on the entire story

>>29653589
Just like you're an unintentional parody of a stormfag, right?

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>>29654101
https://www.reddit.com/r/rational/comments/1vwskh/myouve_gotta_be_kidding_me_fimfiction/
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fanfic/TheRiseOfDarthVulcan

Other people probably have better examples.

>>29654579
>/r/rational
In how many ways can I say no?

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>>29653513
>Getting a butt stamp is all it took to be crowned leader of an empire? No wonder she was so shit at it.
It makes a kind of sense, if she was able to singlehandedly power the Heart and hold back the weather (and/or Umbrum); similarly to how ponies depend on the sisters to move the sun and moon. (Except that apparently the sisters' actual reason for being crowned was just for being born with wings and horns.)

>I'm assuming that's another Curnow fuck up? Because I don't recall him being shown in the show after NMM's banishment.
First page of FiM #20.

>I think that's taking things a little too far. It's kind of hard to confuse new, fertile territory for an increasingly frozen wasteland.
Too far for a traditional joke?

>I'm almost positive when they wrote the Ponyville backstory episode, no one was autistic enough to remember a single throw away line in an episode written two years earlier, so a continuity hiccup occurred.
On the other hand, Ponyville *looks* like a somewhat established town, rather than a place that was first settled less than two generations ago.

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>>29654325
Not sure I'd call Nyx "fedora-tipping".

>>29654648
>On the other hand, Ponyville *looks* like a somewhat established town, rather than a place that was first settled less than two generations ago.
Well, the whole Apple family was able to raise a barn in a single afternoon, I'm sure a few decently motivated Apples can build a few block of houses in a couple of years.

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>>29654366
Amore never got wings.

>>29654592
Only you can answer that.

>>29654689
They built most of the town and still have financial troubles? They must be really bad with money.

>>29648019 >>29654691
...And now I notice that comic Amore does not, in fact, have a Crystal Heart cutie mark. But she's still consistently called a Unicorn and not an Alicorn in the journal; and she isn't asked to rule Equestria despite presumably being more experienced than the sisters.

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>>29654546
Are they having their OC shit on, or is their OC doing the shitting?

>>29654711
I doubt many Apples have coins alongisde apples in their flanks.

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>>29646327

Thats what you get for being a butthurt filterfag. Enjoy your censored future.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/238523/a-dangerous-sparkle
Good lord, this fic really has gone to shit. Lex really is literally autistic.
>uh oh, time for basic social interaction
>let's spend a paragraph watching Lex try (and fail) to reason out a correct response
>Lex responds in a way that's wildly inappropriate
>let's spend another paragraph watching Lex try (and fail) to figure out what he did wrong
Thank god there's only 15 or so chapters left. I can't handle this mix of tedium and cringe.

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>>29656254
>reading stories you hate

>>29656704
It's not like it started out shitty. Lex first showed up in chapter 100, and only became a major POV character around chapter 115. There's only about 135 chapters total, so might as well finish it just to see how things work out for the non-shitty characters.

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>>29656704
What do you think this thread is about?

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>>29656254
Oh jesus.
>Lex goes on a date with Sonata
>"blah blah blah, and by the way, most of the things you say are stupid and annoying"
>>"hey like you shouldn't say that, it's like not very nice"
>"it's a fact, why does it matter if it's nice"
>>"well nobody likes being insulted, if someone is annoying you then just ask politely for them to stop"
>"your value system is clearly inferior to mine, as it prioritizes the form of the message over its content"
[tipping intensifies]

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>>29656827
>"your value system is clearly inferior to mine, as it prioritizes the form of the message over its content"
Huh...
I didn't know Fallacy!Anon paid to appear in a story.

>>29656847
I'd almost forgotten about that guy. Daily reminder that waifuing Rarity is objectively illogical.

>https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/721174/i-have-been-at-sea-for-seven-days
We have a lifer.

>>29656927
>I will finish Lies We Tell to Children
Hell yeah

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>>29654546
>unintentional
That's what you think, you degenerate Bernie-loving cuck.

>>29655812
People like that don't belong on /fimfic/ anyway. They are cancer.

>>29656827
And you people bitched at me for mentioning fedoras.

>>29657166
Why don't you shut the fuck up, nigger.

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>>29657205
You're the nigger, nigger.

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>>29655812

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>>29657216
No, you

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>>29657235

>>29657227
At that point you may as well just go straight to the catalog and use Ctrl+F to find what you're looking for.

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>>29657245

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>>29657257
Would you rather have a plushie to cuddle? Here you go.

>>29657263
Literal degeneracy. Hitler would have had you gased faster than you can say "delusional polack"

>>29657276
>>29657263
How would Hitler feel about Germany's lack of laws banning sex with animals?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2352779/Bestiality-brothels-spreading-Germany-campaigner-claims-abusers-sex-animals-lifestyle-choice.html

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>>29657276
>implying I wouldn't have joined the NSDAP and gassed other horselovers while enjoying my Aryanne plushies in secret

>>29657248
Those filters usually cover only 40-50% of the threads there.

>>29657296
Given how much of an attentionwhoring avatarfag you are, I doubt you could survive more than 15s without sperging out, you raging autist.

I bet you fantasize about it to hide from your failure of a life.

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>>29657310
>is sperging out
>while accusing others of sperging out
oh I be laffin

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>>29657294
tbqhfam Hitler would have been an Aryannefag.

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>>29657339
You know it's all in good fun, don't get offended.

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>>29657370
Sorry bro, it's hard to tell ironic Berniecucks from the real deal.

Parody is dead.

>>29657387
Mate, you're a parody

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>>29657392
True, but a lot of people don't recognize it, which is a real shame.

>>29657401
No I didn't mean the aryanne thing, just in general.

Who wants to bet this is just the avatarfag talking to himself?

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>>29657405
Yes. I know.

>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/238523/a-dangerous-sparkle
Finally finished "A Dangerous Sparkle", so here's my review.

This was a daily-update adventure fic from David Silver, author of the Ponyfinder tabletop RPG books. Twilight and Spike find themselves in Everglow, the world of Ponyfinder, where they learn new magic and fighting skills, and go on various adventures and quests with a variety of other characters.

The first ~115 chapters (out of 133 total) tell an okay adventure story. It takes a while to get going, since the first ~20 chapters just follow Twilight and Spike's training in their starting city, but once it does, the adventuring parts work pretty well, and most of the characters they meet are reasonably developed. That said, this part did have a couple issues:
> Twilight and Spike are surprisingly okay with the idea of killing sentient bad guys, to an extent that honestly seems OOC.
> Occasionally something spectacularly awful will happen to one character or another. These events are so out of step with the rest of the story that they seem a bit contrived. More so when the awful event is followed immediately by the characters getting mugged and having all their money stolen by conveniently-untraceable bad guys, so they can't just pay someone to fix things.

>>29657485
Then there's the last part of the story, which is utter shit. Lex Legis, an absolute garbage-tier OC invented by one of the author's Patreon donors, shows up around chapter 100 and gets an increasingly large role all the way up until the end of the story. Lex is literally autistic, having no intuition whatsoever when it comes to social situations. He has also completely failed to learn even the most rudimentary ideas about interacting with others, despite his supposedly-vast intellect and professed desire to understand others and their value systems. Worst of all, this piece of shit gets entire POV chapters dedicated to his "character" "development", in which he finally manages to learn that ponies, sadly, are not Vulcan-like beings of pure logic, and that sometimes it might be useful to consider others' emotions when talking to them.

To top it all off, Spike gets totally shafted by the ending. When he entered Everglow, he turned into D&D-style adolescent dragon, which are pony-sized and pretty badass. But upon returning home in one of the final chapters, he turned back into little old Spike. And stayed that way, apparently. Despite the fact that he clearly prefers his Everglow form, Twilight was at one point even willing to delay returning to Equestria if it meant he would lose it, and Twilight and Celestia between the two of them definitely have the knowledge and power to let him keep his Everglow form while in Equestria.

Overall: would not recommend

>>29656927 >>29656961
>GaPJaxie
I read Would It Matter (including several pages of comments). That was enough for me.

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>>29657409
I sure wouldn't bet against it.

>>29657520
To be fair, that is literally the worst thing he's published on fimfiction. Try Lies We Tell or Around the World.

>>29657732
>Lies We Tell
Maybe if he finishes it.

>crossover with a some video game
Reluctant.

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>>29657817
>crossover with a some video game
Are we thnking of the same story?

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>>29657833
Is there something else called 80 Days?

>>29657939
Huh, so it's not inspired by the book?
Lame.

>>29657939
Is that a 'start from scratch' game or do things carry on playthrough to playthrough?

>>29653513
>Are those semi-canon (books, comics, etc.), because I can't find "blink" being used to refer to teleportation in any episode transcripts.

I believed that Anon was asking if _teleport_ is the word they use in the show, and that is the word I looked for in the transcripts.

>Alternatively, you can just write it off as one of season 1's bizarre quirks
Well I mean, clearly that's the most practical answer if you don't want multi-centurinarian ponies. It's very clear that the writers do not write with the idea in mind that Granny Smith is hundreds of years old. But I like having an explanation too.

>unicorns only being able to have telekinesis + their special talent's ability.
Even the very first time I watched that episode, I interpreted that line as meaning that magic is so difficult that without their special talent to help them, most unicorns simply lack the ability to learn other spells.
A bigger quirk from that episode is probably Twilight's incredible feat of magic: using telekinesis to lift multiple weights that look far heavier than things she struggles with in the future, plus doing dexterous manipulation blind (milking the cows).

Stallions pulling the train is definitely something I try to forget though.

>>29657817
>Reluctant.
That's one of my favorite stories on fimfiction, and I'm almost entire unfamiliar with both the game and the book. It's an allegory to WW I with a huge scifi/pony slant. If you're on the fence, just read it.

>>29658175
No idea; never played it.

>>29658295
Sorry; I'm not remotely on the fence. I'll consider being slightly less openly disdainful toward it, though.

>>29658451
No need to apologize. I'm not the one missing out.

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How did you manage to fuck this up?

>>29657833
>>29657939
>>29657975
While I've never played this game before, it's hard to imagine that the story is in fact a crossover with that game rather than the book. It's also hardly a crossover with the book. I did a review of the story some months back in the thread. What I can say is that it's a very good story indeed.

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Let's once again jump into a random story and a random chapter.

>Herd Life, by Gentlehoof

>Sex, Gore, Drama, Romance, Sad, Slice of Life
If a slice of your life includes both sad sex drama and romantic gore, your life is probably really shitty.
It's rated M, so you now it's going to be a cool fic for cool people.

The characters that appear are Celestia, Luna, OC, and other.

>pic related
The cover art is truly a masterpiece. Noting says "effort" like a lazily photoshopped image of Celestia slapped on a background, with some bad font over it.
Also she's apparently an Earth Pony, which has to be the least common portrayal of pre-Alicorn Celestia.

>Description:
>Celestia is a growing filly within the herd, as she and many ponies struggle to just survive in their primitive times.
The abrupt introduction and the present tense makes this seem like it's a sequel to something, but the description doesn't say so. I have a strict rule of no research, so I guess we'll never know.

>Upheaval is soon to come, as new ideas clash with the old, when Celestia's parents join together in their struggle to move ponies into a new and unknown future, amid the dawning of the pony nation.
Hey look, it's about the founding of Equestria? Isn't that surprisingly relevant to the discussions we've had this thread?

>Contains: Stallion on Mare mating
As opposed to?

>and impregnation, with lovemaking and experimentation later
Mating and impregnation first, lovemaking second? I have several questions.

>>29659301
The dice have spoken, and we're having a look at chapter seventeen.

>Are you out of your mind!?" Meadowlark exclaimed in shock, her shout startling the twins awake.
You forgot a quotation mark there. And it's on the first line after thanking his editor for all his hard work.

>"Calm down and just listen for a moment," Melodious patiently said over her wailing twins, "if they’re raised right, then they won't be a danger at all."
Is it just me, or is that just straight up not a FiM pony name?
Most pony names are "Noun Noun", "Adjective Noun", "Noun Verb", or something like that. It's not a big deal, it just strikes me as a name that probably wouldn't show up in the show.

>"They’re wolves! They will always be dangerous!"
>"...How so many of our precious young were taken by those beasts!"
Life in pre-Equestria Ponyland is pretty shitty if the chance of getting eaten by wolves is a real concern.

>Having calmed Summer down, Dove was now trying to help a panicking Strongbuck with Winter.
They had twins, and named them Summer and Winter. That's just daft enough to be believable, if they fixed another word to each of their names. Like Summer Sun and Winter Snow.

>>29659402
>"Now, as I was saying before, wolves and ponies share many common traits. They hold a great loyalty towards their pack, just as ponies do for the herd. They look after and protect each other and their young, just as we do. I believe that this trait can be very beneficial. If the pups are raised with ponies, they will assuredly imprint on us and see us as their pack."
I cannot possibly see any way in which this could be a bad idea. Also I'm willing to bet that this is the author's justifications for why dogs are a thing in Equestria.

>Hearing Strongbuck and Dove both let out a gasp in surprise from behind her, Bell turned and looked back to find that she now had a cutie mark. Emblazoned on her flanks were the images of a wolf and pony in profile, with the two arranged in a circle around each other.
This is just cheap as fuck, it's confirmation that this wolf idea is going to work without even trying it out. That can't possibly be how it works, and at the very least it just feels rushed. You can't get the "Wolf domestication" buttstamp just for proposing that keeping wolfs around would be a cool idea. This is like Dash getting her buttstamp by thinking that she probably could do a Sonic Ranboom, without actually doing it.

>"Very well. I will allow them to stay. But only so long as they never pose a threat."
She's already figured out that this is her special talent, so why do you think it's going to fail?

>>29659301
>The abrupt introduction and the present tense makes this seem like it's a sequel to something
What tense should descriptions of non-sequels be in?

>Hey look, it's about the founding of Equestria? Isn't that surprisingly relevant to the discussions we've had this thread?
Too bad it apparently gives no regard to canon (despite being started in 2016 and lacking an Alternate Universe tag).

>As opposed to?
Literally any other combination of species and sexes? I'm just glad it's not human-on-various-mares (like the words "Herd" and "Gentle" briefly made me fear).

>>29659421
>With Luna nestled comfortably into her carrying basket, Dark hummed to himself as he walked through the settlement.
Hey, Luna! And she's a foal, I think. And her father (?) is named "Dark", which has to be the least fucking creative thing I've heard in my entire life.

>...Dark promised to have a word with Bright Star about constructing some larger drying racks for her...
Man, if C&L's dad is named Dark and their mother is named Bright, we're really heading into the realm of horrible names.

>Meeting with Birch Bark. Dark had a long talk with him about how they were going to keep rodents from getting into their newly-made storehouse.
This story is absolutely riveting.

>Set out on the ground was a large mat with what remained of the spider’s body sitting on it. It had been opened up and much of its organs had been removed for careful examination by both Magpie and her new assistant, Sunflower Patch.
It's "Bring your child to giant spider autopsy"-day.

>>29659432
It's less about tense and more about phrasing.
>Celestia is a growing filly within the herd
This instinctively reads to me as if I'm supposed to know what the heard is, and why Celestia is with them right now.

Also mating kind of implies reproduction, strictly speaking. Or at the very least opposite-sex copulation.
Which in most cases means stallion benis in mare bagina, especially in a story that makes no signs of having anything but ponies in it.

>>29659402
>Is it just me, or is that just straight up not a FiM pony name?
>Most pony names are "Noun Noun", "Adjective Noun", "Noun Verb", or something like that. It's not a big deal, it just strikes me as a name that probably wouldn't show up in the show.
Looking on Wikia for adjective or adjective-like names, I find:
>Filthy/Stinkin'/Spoiled/Impossibly Rich
>Mare-velous
>Merry
>Namby Pamby
>Noteworthy
>Rogue
>Soarin

Others are ambiguous but could be interpreted as adjectives, like Fancy Pants. You could also make a case for Tricksy.

>They had twins, and named them Summer and Winter. That's just daft enough to be believable, if they fixed another word to each of their names. Like Summer Sun and Winter Snow.
Maybe their tribe is small enough that longer names aren't needed?

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>>29659496
>the least fucking creative thing I've heard in my entire life
I don't necessarily disagree.

>>29659496
>This instinctively reads to me as if I'm supposed to know what the heard is, and why Celestia is with them right now.
Maybe, I guess.

>Also mating kind of implies reproduction, strictly speaking. Or at the very least opposite-sex copulation.
Not sure I buy that.

>>29659496
>Magpie pointed at a gourd sitting nearby with a milky fluid inside. "I managed to extract a fair bit of its venom, and I tested a tiny portion of it it on the rabbit. I was surprised at how quickly it affected him; within a few moments, he had fallen into a deep sleep that was very much like death."
This is highly unethical, especially since Magpie makes it clear that she has no idea if the rabbit is going to wake up again.

>Laying in the shade of a tree with a small group of fillies, Celestia worked at braiding Strawberry Zest's light-green tail while Strawberry braided hers.
Now this is more like it. Some hardcore filly on filly braiding action.

>Not counting Celestia, Misty was one of the few fillies their age who already got her cutie mark. On her flank was a wispy grey cloud encompassing the base of a small tree. She had an amazing talent for being hard to notice.
I have that talent too.

>It was no surprise she got her cutie mark in anonymity.
One one hand, this sounds like what happens when fate decides to fuck you over. On the other hand, she's probably not going to get eaten by wolves.

>"Ash, again!?" Tulip said with a sigh. "I don't get it. Really, what do you two see in him? His coat is as drab as Misty's here." She waved her hoof towards Misty.
Being Misty is misery.

>>29659539
I have no idea who half of those ponies are.

>Maybe their tribe is small enough that longer names aren't needed?
Winter is actually named Winter Snow. I fucking called it.

>>29659558
Anyway Celestia and her friend both want to fuck the same colt or something, so cue filly jealousy. What I really want to know is what happens to Misty, whose anonymity makes her stand out the most.

>"When Autumn Leaf and Sparkling Night saw her, they thought to have a bit of fun with her by telling her that she could get her cutie mark by walking across that log that crosses the river where the water’s all rough!" Bumblebee answered.
Nothing says "fun", like tricking a child into drowning herself.

>"Misty! Go get my papa. Quickly!" Celestia shouted out as she ran off to catch up with Tulip, Strawberry following along with her.
I just checked, an in all six seasons no one has ever said "papa" in the show. But fair enough.

I'd also like to point out how lazy the writing gets here.
First Celestia and her crew are getting it on with some braiding, then one of her friend's kid sister shows up and is annoying, so the older sister tells her to get lost. Immediately, and I mean fucking immediately after Celestia finished berating older sis for being a cunt to younger sis, the littlest pony is killing herself in some river. And her bigger sister shows that she really cares after all.
There's no breathing room behind the story elements, it all happens in a flash and ends up feeling completely rushed.

>>29659610
>Before she could move more than a step, a thundering flash of charcoal brown suddenly shot by her. Blinking her eyes in amazement, Celestia watched as Ash boldly leapt up onto the log..."
He's called Ash, and he's charcoal brown. Bet the author felt really fucking clever there.

>Through the air and through the ground, she let her senses flow outwards. Life. She could feel the life all around her. The grass and the trees all glowed brightly in her mind.
Apparently's Celestia's asspower is that she can detect life.

>Tulip bent and wept over Pine. "It's my fault! If I wasn't so dismissive of her and actually helped her, she’d still be alive!"
Tulip is the big sister and Pine is the little sister. The pacing just makes me unable to take this seriously.

>"She needs to breathe! Celestia, do you remember what Dove did when Luna wasn't breathing?" Ash exclaimed.
Luna is a toddler and she's still almost died at least once? This story certainly warrants the drama tag.

>"One way to find out." Bending down, Ash put his mouth over the end of Pine's muzzle and blew. Pine's chest rose as his breath entered her. Releasing her mouth, Ash inhaled and tried again, but he felt resistance with the second breath. "Its not working anymore, she needs to breathe out!" he said.
Is he literally just trying to blow as much air as possible into her? Also I fucking doubt one lungful of air is enough to create "resistance", as if she's some kind of pressurised filly-balloon.

>>29659634
>Seeing what needed to be done, Celestia quickly placed her hoof onto Pine's chest and pressed down to force her breath out. Bubbles and water suddenly came out of Pine's mouth as Celestia pushed down.
Congratulations, morons, you invented CPR.

>"Celestia! Ash!" Papa exclaimed as he rushed through the gathered foals. "Misty said that there was an emergency! Is everypony alright? Did anypony get hurt!?"
And EXACTLY at the moment where the day is saved the adult shows up. Everything in this part of the chapter is so "perfectly timed" that it's completely predictable.

>Unseen by any of them, two figures stood on the surface of the river, watching them. One was a silvery earth pony mare with an elegantly long mane and tail of every color. Next to her stood a golden earth pony stallion with a mane and tail made of billowing fire.
Spoopy. Will Celestia kill her and take her mane?

That's it, I guess.

6.5/10, the story seems competently written, if predictable and poorly paced.
What's weird is that the issues in pacing are apparent in-chapter, which probably doesn't bode well for the overall pacing of the story.
I guess it might be worth checking out if a story about the daily life in a primitive shithole is your cup of tea.

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Since the tred is ded, I'll do another one. I guess this is almost content, right?
Will adopt a name upon request if anyone want to just filter this.

>>29659556
>Not sure I buy that.
To be fair, it's not very important.

>>29659696
As good as anything.

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Instead of picking a story that seemed like it might be interesting, like Herd Life, this time it's random story and random chapter.
Which means we'll be having a look at:
>Man of War, by Tallestbrony
>Chapter 212: Joint Concerns

>Sex, Gore, Adventure, Comedy, Dark, Human, Romance
That's right, it's HiE time. Hide your waifus and strap yourselves in for the ride.
This story is 1.2 million words long, and has been going on for over five years.

>Description
>This is what it means to be a man of war...
>This is the story of a human soldier named Miles Eremita and his exploits throughout Equestria.
I couldn't decide what "Crawling" remix to put here.

This story is divided into arcs, but at some point he just stopped updating the description to show which arc we're currently in. I have no idea, so I'll guess we're in the last one.

>Arc Five: In Sanity
Do you get it? Do you?

>Death has dealt his final blow, but only in time will it show. In the darkness of the moon you will learn of your doom; and in the light of day you will lose your way. The war has taken its toll, but who will end in control?
Not even death can keep Miles away from horsepussy.

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>>29659781
>Perspective: Celestia
Please don't.

>“… and that’s sums up the fiscal years revenue, your highness.” The pony before me tells me… I forget his name. It’s been a long meeting, but budget meetings tend to be so.
Oh joy, it's first person.

>“Thank you very much for your presentation… er…”
Celestia is clearly going senile. I can't think of any other reason why she wouldn't know the name of her treasurer.

>SLAM
Pic very much fucking related. There is really no excuse for this.

>The doors to the throne room are thrown open as Miles marches down. Or, rather, the Spartan Captain marches down towards us, clad in all of his armor.
Look out everyone, Badass McPoonsmasher is in the building. Also "Spartan", that sure is original.

>“We need to talk,” he says, his voice coming out from the speakers of his helmet.
This isn't listed as a crossover, but it sure as fuck feel like it's a Halo crossover.

>“This better be good Captain. I have several meetings to attend to.” I tell him as I descend the steps down. I don’t call him by name, as part of the agreement.
Is he afraid no one is going to take him seriously if they just call him Miles? Why is he being all gruff and shit, this is a colourful fantasy land.

>>29659822
>When he’s a human, he’s simply Captain of the Spartans, representative of the Terradisians.
Isn't he always human? What the fuck is a Spartan? Is "Terradisians" this fic's retarded name for humans?

>When he’s an alicorns, then he’s King of Equestria.
I regret this already. Why isn't he at the very least a Prince?

>It helps create a line between the two, hopefully keeping prying eyes away from Luna and Tempestive.
Has Luna and that other guy not figured out that Splint Chesthair is also fucking her sister?

>“We… discovered something… wrong, in Syncney,” he says finally.
>"Syncney? The goblin city in the remains of those strips mine?” I ask.
Why the fuck are there goblins? Couldn't they at least be Diamond Dogs or something?

>“Yeah. They… keep slaves,” he continues... “I was ready to invade them to rescue them all.”
>“That’s very noble of you Miles… but… you didn’t.” What could possibly stop him from saving them?
Does he not have to confer with her before launching a military invasion of another political entity? Can he just fuck around with the military as he pleases?

>“Apparently Equestria keeps slaves as well. Or, second class citizens rather.”
>“The cattle and sheep of this nation are not slaves.” I cut him off firmly.
Did it take you 211 chapters to figure out that cattle are a thing? Did you manage to become King of Equestria without stopping to question that?

>>29659830
>“Unlike other nations, we do not devour them. We allow them the lives they wish to live, and provide services for them. In return, they provide essentials like wool, milk, and labor. The only reason they are ‘second class’ citizens is because they simply don’t have the cognitive capabilities that we do. And don’t give me that look! We’ve studied and researched this enough times to know the difference. They simply can’t understand things beyond a certain point. Trust me, I’ve been trying for over a thousand years to see if they could, and they can’t-“
See, keeping the retarded as livestock is totally justified. I just wish the writer was among them.

>“You? What have you done that could… the Kroth-“
What the fuck is a Kroth? Some kind of alien, I assume.

>“I have them working the factories, mobilizing the Terradisian army.” I step back at the bluntness of his response, but quickly remember the Terradisian code of conduct. No lies, no secrets.
Of course this fic has slave labour driving human power armour factories in Equestria. Of course it does.

>>29659853
>“Actually, I can.” He says, making me step away from him and look out the window. “You’ve never had you home invaded by them. You’ve never seen them ripe your people apart, limb from limb. I will not let that evil escape. I will not let something like that exist anywhere near my family! I will-“
Woo hoo, he's having the "Kroth" work as slave labour in factories so that he can make an army to genocide the fuck out of them. What does this have to do with ponies?

>“Luna led a revolt against me a thousand years ago Miles. Ponies fought and died for each of us, believing each of us to be a horrible monster. Should we punish Luna for all of the war crimes committed-“
Not only did the "Lunar Rebellion" thing happen, Luna committed war crimes in this fic.

>"Why not Tempestive for that matter? The son of the legendary warrior Nightmare Moon, sworn enemy of the Sun Tyrant and-“
Not only that, she has a son.

Anyway they have an angry discussion about Miles Prower overcoming his hatred of the Kroth and that he maybe shouldn't commit genocide. I couldn't care less.

>“I have to know what they’re doing Celestia. I have to; otherwise… otherwise I don’t sleep. The fear that they would come in and take Luna and Tempestive away from me, harm them… they are my everything, you all are-“
Wait, is Tempestive Miles' son? then why can't Luna know about the whole human/alicorn thing?

>>29659859
>“It’s a culture gap as well as a language gap with people that simply look different.” I cut him off sternly, silencing him. “I’ve done this kind of thing before Miles. Do you really think this is any different than meeting the Orcs for the first time? Or the Goblins for that matter? This world is filled with many different people Captain, the Kroth are no different.”
Are we totally sure this isn't just a WarcraftxHalo fanfic that just happens to have Celestia in it?

>“Now, tell me about the slaves the Goblins are keeping. I assume they are ponies, since you came to me about this.”
>“Oh… yeah. Shit,” he says slowly. “It’s… it’s a bit more complicated than that actually.”
Miles got so worked up over the idea of genocide that he totally forgot that goblins were keeping pony slaves.

>“Well… so, did you know that humans created ponies to be slaves?” Miles asks slowly, making me stop in my tracks. “Willing slaves that is.”
>“Well… we did. And it seems the Goblins have figured out a part of it-“
>“So… they take unicorns and breed them to have children so they can force them to have cutie marks in enchanting so they can enchant their weaponry-“
Why would anyone read this?

>>29659822
>>29659830
oh shit I vaguely recall stopping reading this some two years ago. its bad even as a HiE one man warfic

>Isn't he always human? What the fuck is a Spartan? Is "Terradisians" this fic's retarded name for humans?
iirc it was some AU earth not-quite-FF8-meets-halo ripoff where they had advanced tech and kinda-magic and the planet was invaded by aliens. spartans as you can probably guess are theyre badassmagic using super commandoes.
of course equestria is earth some amount of time later and human dude is literally the last human in existence

>Why isn't he at the very least a Prince?
sume bullshit headcanon this guy had. the first princess to get married became queen and no one wants celestias eon old snatch, so its queen luna and king edge

oh and the elements of harmony are actually the souls of his old teammates from a billion years ago that died in the invasion before he was sucked through a time portal. theyre guns now.

this shit would almost be riffworthy if it werent a bazillion words long

>>29659866
>Why would anyone read this?
it was kinda-sorta ok for awhile (considering what it is). apparently its gone completely wacky since i stopped reading it

>>29659866
>Perspective: Rainbow Dash
Hopefully Speedycunt isn't going to hang around Chunk Manmeat and his aura of grimdark.

>I lean back in my chair and sigh as we wait in the hanger bay of the castle.
I have no idea if this is going to be an airship hangar or something dumb like a sci-fi dropship hangar.

>Damian isn’t even going to be a part of this operation!
Note: Damian is a pony. This is not a fucking pony name.

>The rest of the Spartans are staying quiet too. Most of them are still fresh from training, so I don’t know how reliable they’re going to be. I know the Jumper squad will do fine, I trained them after all.
So the "Spartans" are all ponies then?

>“A foal? I guess that would explain it. Birthing hips aren’t really aerodynamic after all.” I feel my tail twitch in irritation. I don’t have fat hips! I’m still as lean as before my pregnancy!
At the same time as a human clad in power armour is discussing genocide with Celestia, Rainbow Dash is getting teased in a military hangar for being thicc. That is the kind of story we're dealing with here.

>We all look back to Raz Al-Gruul holds his massive mace in his hand.
Is he even trying?

>>29659887
>theyre guns now
Is that a fucking joke?

>>29659904
>So the "Spartans" are all ponies then?
other than Biff McLargehuge, yes pretty sure dash and big mac are ones too

>Is that a fucking joke?
nope. the M6 traded in their necklaces for guns

>The handle spreads open and a hologram appears above it. A picture of the Goblin Empire west coast appears with several red dots spotted throughout the land.
>“Terradisia will be providing transportation as well as assistance in this operation, Captain.” Celestia says, motioning to Miles.
So the Terradisians/Spartans are separate from Equestria, yet Miles naturally is the boss of both of them? Secretly?
Also the Spartans are ponies, griffons, orcs and probably more. I don't even know.

>“The Shadowbolts?” One of Spitfires subordinates asks. Miles stares at her in annoyance before pointing up. Hanging from the roof are a couple dozen ponies bunched together. With their cover blown, they all drop down and land between Miles and Celestia.
Have they just been hanging up there all day? Is this all they do, hang around in the roof of the hangar in case someone needs them?

>“Thanks to Bluebloods recent legislation, Luna has made room for her own branch of Spec Ops. They’ve actually been around for three years now. And much like my sister, they tend to… be more reserved in their dealings. Captain North Star.” Celestia explains, nodding to their leader.
Why does Blueblood of all people have that kind of power?

I have to apologise for the fact that my commentary on this thing is almost entirely questions, but I really am fucking confused here.

>>29659912
>the M6 traded in their necklaces for guns
Are we sure this isn't a very elaborate parody?

>>29659916
Gary Stu. Only thing you need to(or will ever) know about it.

>>29659916
>“And lastly.” Miles cuts her off, stepping towards us. “Take no prisoners.”
Can't have a human military wankfest without large amounts of edge.

>“We can’t chance keeping one of them in fear of them escaping, nor can we let any who see us run off for help. If one does see you, kill him and burn the body. We cannot allow them to regenerate and turn us in. Don’t hesitate either, they are goblins after all. Dying isn’t much of a problem for them.”
In what frame of mind to you have to be to decide that what you want to see in Equestria is a human-led special forces raid against immortal goblins?

>“Good. I expect nothing less than the absolute best from all of you. Watch each other and get them out quickly. Load up; we’re going in weapons hot.” I give one last glance to Spitfire before following him towards the front of the airport, where several transport aircraft are already landing.
Is she using her element-gun?

Final thoughts:
WHY/10
The writing isn't awful. That's the best I can say about this.
Everything else is shit, and I don't see the point. Even if military wish fulfilment HiE is what you want to read, there must be something that's better than this, right?

Recommended for absolutely no one, unless this very specific brand of first person wankery is the only thing that can give you a lasting erection. And in that case I'd rather recommend seeing your doctor instead.

I act more shocked than I really am, but it seems like utter shit.

>>29659916
>but I really am fucking confused here.
kind of understandable when you start 200 chapters into as big a clusterfuck as this.

dude is the only human left so in addition to being 'king' of the horses he also somehow hold full claim on any human shit thats still left laying around in bunkers, so all of the space age tach and robot armies sitting around are his and his alone
I stopped when luna was pregnant and alien invasion 3.0 began and I'm sure theres plenty more im forgetting.

>Are we sure this isn't a very elaborate parody?
I'm fairly sure that if it were he'd have given up on it a long time ago

>>29654648
>good Sombra
Isn't that the mirror universe, though? Not that it matters since it was Reflections aka the beginning of IDW's descent.

>>29656927
>if you write books, plenty of people will say you're a bad writer because you can't push hardcover copies. This is deeply unhealthy...
This is terrible advice. If you're attempting to get published by a reputable publisher, you're not in the "it's a hobby" camp anymore, you're in the "I'm trying to make money off something I like doing" camp. You're only going to get stressed out if you're relying on that to be your main source of income--and if that's the case you're no where near hobby territory anymore.

>>29659301
>the cover art
The fact the text is ever so slightly off-center is triggering me severely.

>>29660124
>This is terrible advice. If you're attempting to get published by a reputable publisher, you're not in the "it's a hobby" camp anymore, you're in the "I'm trying to make money off something I like doing" camp.
Trying to get published is a common expectation of writers that are considered good, even if the writers neither need nor care for the money that comes with publishing. It's considered a standard "next step" even for hobbyists.

I agree though that people that actually care about the money shouldn't consider themselves hobbyists. They should expect about as much stress as one would kicking off a startup, albeit with more flexibility. People that consider the switch really should ask themselves if they want to go professional because they're good at writing, because they got a good offer, or because they think they'd be good at playing the publishing industry. If they're only good at writing, they're not going to go far as a professional.