Writefags' Guild

Tips and links:

Things you should know about before writing clop:
Vhatug’s tips for anatomically correct clop and squash soup:
http://pastebin.com/g4VpEg4f

http://www.literotica.com/s/erotic-synonyms (Because using dick, balls, and pussy just isn’t enough to get the reader off. Remember, the reader cums first.)
Had to. Puns are awesome.

Things you should know about writing:
Clever’s Tips on How to Write Short Stories: http://pastebin.com/GGBkxi7e
How to into writing: http://pastebin.com/V1ujiyJt
Writing rules from Navarone: http://pastebin.com/bnMmZ2T3
Ezn’s Guite to writing Fanfiction: http://eznguide.neocities.org/
Writing Book for beginners: https://mega.co.nz/#F!pwo21SKA!dljqCUmOhkwLX3x9_ApEgQ
Help for creating OC characters: http://www.dawnsomewhere.com/ocguide/

A few authors from different threads should you seek inspiration from their stories:
Flutterrape general’s writers: http://pastebin.com/eG8iY7Wy
Active AiE general writers: http://pastebin.com/mVG33ERX
PiE general’s writers: http://pastebin.com/Mgd0QuNy

>“How do I cure my writer’s block?”
Magic.
>“FUCK YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION!”
There’s no one way to cure it, but, if you can’t write, you may as well read stories. There’s more to writing than writing; there’s reading too, and that helps. Check some of the links above.
Try the following (keep in mind this won’t work for everyone):
-Figure out when it’s the best time for you to write.
-Fap then write*.
-Write anyway, and allow yourself to write shitty stories. More often than not, the block is the fear of it being bad. That’s what editing is for.
-Seriously, drink coffee. It’s a writer’s best friend.
-Listen to music while writing.

*Unless you’re writing clop, then listen to your boner.

>>29474252
Here’s some more stuff that didn’t fit in the second post.

A couple writing podcasts:
http://www.writingexcuses.com/
http://typehammer.com/podcast/

An archive of how to write pretty much anything:
https://curiosityquills.com/limyaael/

An idea generator:
http://writers-den.pantomimepony.co.uk/writers-first-lines.php

A worldbuilding forum:
http://worldbuilding.stackexchange.com/

>>29474260
WHOOPS.
Let's just pretend that subjectless thread didn't happen.

Discord Chat: https://discord.gg/XNM2tVS


I've been seeing a lot of people complain that the tips for anatomically correct squash vary in accuracy. I'm not a veterinary gynecologist, so I can't say anything definitive, maybe do your own research if you care so much?

Last thread we discovered the magic of writing snippets of prose or poetry with "bump" in the last thread to keep this resource alive.

We are also still accepting music bumps.

I was reading through another thread and followed an author's pastebin link, then poked around their other stories until I found one with an interesting premise and OK start but, imho, an underdeveloped plot and crap ending. Now I kinda want to rewrite & expand it.

Okee-dokee or severe faux pas?

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>>29447886
>Hello, who are you
Returnee to the ride. Stopped watching somewhere near the beginning of season 4, stopped even looking at the memes before the end of it.
Came back recently, and now I'm much more interested in fanfiction (both reading and writing). I decided to catch up by rewatching the show from the beginning (including the Equestria Girl movies), and take notes about canon and characterization. After season 1 I had the thought, "Hey, what if there was something useful in here to writefags?" So I started posting cleaned up version of my notes here.

I added the name so people can filter if they're annoyed by it.

I might vet them further and pastebin them sometime.

I've been posting some feedback on works here as Anonymous too. Once I'm caught up I'll probably come, in turn, for criticism of my own work.

>>29442219
>Are we really supposed to think Granny is hundreds of years old? I know if we don't there's an inconsistency, but it just doesn't seem that that's what they were going for.

So, yes, I'm pretty sure it's not the intention of the writers. If nothing else, Granny being only a grandparent and Stinking Rich only a great-grandparent in that amount of time either requires interesting coincidences or legitimately elf-like age genders.
But it's also not directly contradicted by canon, so it amuses me to treat it as true.

I also cover the logic earlier in that thread.
Winter Wrap-up, Twilight: "Ponyville was started by Earth Ponies so for HUNDREDS OF YEARS they've never used magic to clean up winter." (emphasis mine)
And of course, in Family Appreciation Day (just one season later) Granny Smith explains her family settled there, and the town grew from the farm (Simple Ways has a stronger confirmation than GS's word for it).

Obviously you could explain or ignore it (my favorite is that Twilight was quoting the book on Ponyville she found in Canterlot, and it was just plain incorrect or had a printing error).

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>>29440086
I remembered something while I was out. The idea that there was a rogue changeling around Ponyville was a showrunner's joking answer to a question about why sometimes there's more than one of a background pony in some shots. Thus Kevin's presence in both Twilight's Kingdom and Slice of Life.


Amending Fences through Rarity Investigates

Amending Fences
Though a Princess, Twilight still does her own share of the washing up (in fact, it's just her and Spike in that big place, doing all the cleaning up too).
It seems that ponies semi-regularly come to her for advice about friendship. (Not that we get much indication other than this one line.)
Twilight demonstrates her catastrophizing skills (slash legitimate intrusive paranoid thinking). This time with a touch of narcissism.
Twilight's old dwelling is untouched (and she's slightly surprised). I'm going to assume it's special quarters for Celestia's personal student, or her parents pay any necessary upkeep.
Unfortunately, Moondancer (Moon Dancer is the official spelling, but I prefer this one) being a fan favorite spoiled FiM bringing back a name from the very first episode. Still cute though.
They continue a pattern of bringing ponies out of the background. And with a great explanation for Lyra, Minuette, Twinkleshine, and Lemon Hearts showing up in both Canterlot and Ponyville all the time (Lyra moved, but it's a short ride, so they visit each other all the time).
The bubbly personalities of this trio is a cute contrast to Twilight and Moon Dancer.
So is the fact that they just laugh off Twilight feeling so bad over leaving without saying a thing.
Donut Joe's place again.
Not sure, but I believe that now (half a season in) is the first time they make it explicit that Twilight is broadly known specifically as Princess of Friendship.
Filly Twilight and Moondancer talking about how to make a salt lick (probably before Twilight got her cutie mark).

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>>29474652
Writefags will (with varying degrees of seriousness) have straight salt be intoxicating. If you do so, this scene means Twilight (and Moony) are some real prodigy drug cooks.
With the adorable beaker head gag, I feel like you could make a fair argument that it's canon that unicorn horns are rubbery (you see them flicked fairly often too; though it'd have to be only to lateral force, since you see them stab things too). Horns are usually covered in keratin, the same stuff as hooves (or fingernails), maybe ponies have a very unusual keratin variant?
Moondancer's glasses actually have stubby arms, unlike Silver Spoon's pince nez (uh, pince museau?).
And yet, the novelty glasses that Twilight and Minuette are wearing have earpieces. Twilight hooks them over her horn, maybe the bends for ears are just to keep them in place like this?
Twilight is willing to be loud in a library for the sake of friendship. Demonstration of changing priorities, or is she just awkward like that?
Silence bubble.
"one of Hayscartes' Methods." Moondancer able to identify the method, but can't emulate it.
I wonder if there's any connection to the magic comic book.
Lemonhearts works at the palace (a cook?)
Moonancer studies:"Science, magic, history, economics, pottery, things like that". I wonder how she affords her (admittedly, likely frugal) life. We do see her in a lecture later.
Moondancer demonstrates that Twilight's not the only unicorn that shoves people around with her magic. Maybe it's a cultural thing?
Twilight demonstrates her flying is good enough now that she can cover the distance between Ponyville and Canterlot while carrying a pony without excessive effort.
Pinkie uses her tail to hover.
Twilight fluffs out her wings during this hug (to get them out of the way?), but does not include them in hugging.
Cute details: Moon Dancer adjusting her glasses with her magic.

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>>29474717
Bookseller with a bee cutie mark. Really obtuse symbolism, or demonstration that your cutie mark doesn't have to define your career?
Gotta say, the writers didn't sell me that Twilight was justified in immediately jumping to the conclusion that her missing one party utterly crushed Moondancer's entire trust in friendship.


Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep
Tantabus. Such a good sounding word I was almost surprised it wasn't a real thing. By parallel to succubus and incubus I think it should mean something like "one who in great magnitude lies down" or possibly "one who increasingly lies down", but my Latin is weak.
From my original notes: "it has similarities to Luna's color/style motif, I wonder if that's meaningful" (spoiler: yes)
It may be inside Luna's dream, but the Mane Six summon the Rainbow power again. I assume this represents a belief of Luna's and therefore, until there's further evidence, assume that it can be invoked as needed.
Tank is awake.
Pinkie Pie does cartwheels while saying she's totally beat.
Spike can direct a letter straight to Princess Luna (presumably, Celestia is the default though, since that's where accidents send them).
Pinkie snoring like a donkey.
AJ insufficiently discomfited by sharing a bed to move.
Rarity's eye-shadow is still on when she puts on her sleep mask. Her fake eyelashes too. Laziness, or pigmented eyelids?
Luna seems to not physically enter dreams. Her dream magic is pure white.
Rarity kneeling again.
I love their foreshadowing: the Tantabus changed Luna, in everyone else's dreams it changed the dream.
Pinkie has rapidly scene changing dreams.
Flutters, being brushed by giant angel: "It's so nice to be the pet for once."

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>>29474896
Rainbow Dash dreams of fighting changelings, and her nightmare is adorable flowers (I've seen some people characterize her as having a "hidden sweet side", I feel like they may not be correct).
Luna demonstrates the same crystallization as Cadance did. I suppose it's not a Crystal Empire special after all?
Pinkie is back in her own bed when the scene changes. In any other show I'd call it a continuity error, but I'm sure we all know it's not.
The grand combined dream has a lot of really fascinating things with potential insight into characters. Almost too many to go into.
But I can't not mention that Big Mac dreams he's a unicorn, and when told he can do anything, becomes Princess of Apples, Big Mac.
Possibly interesting that the Mane Six choose to do things like dream themselves as power ponies rather than get together and dream the Rainbow Power.
And of course we get the reveal that the Tantabus was Luna's creation, a flog to punish and remind herself of Nightmare Moon.
Finally, Luna dreams about sleeping, doing George Jetson proud.


Canterlot Boutique
Pinkie taped the letter to the bottom of the platter.
Pinkie keeps eating her own strawberry cinnamon cilantro cupcakes despite the disgust.
Used the money from making Sapphire Shores' costume to open a boutique in Canterlot.
"worked her hooves to nubs"
Canterlot Carousel
TLC: time, love, couture
C'mon Rarity. That's really putting Twilight on the spot about modeling the dress.
Shows that Twilight's famous enough to be a fairly major selling point.
"Cosmare"
Sassy Saddles is known to Cosmare.
In-Spire-ration, Water Filly ("oh the whimsy"), Tripping the Light, Over the Moon, The Reign in Stain/The Princess Dress.
Sassy Saddles has some interesting exclamations: "Satin Silk" "Paisley and Poplin" "raving rickrack" "buttons and bobbins"
Producing the same thing over and over is not Rarity's style.
Rarity has always intended to keep Ponyville as her home base.
I assumed this pony was a joke. Christ.

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Guys, I got a grammar question.

When writing something like this

"When sentence sentence word," he exaggerated, "word word sentence word."

should there be a comma at the unfinished first part and the describing part of the dialogue?

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>>29474926
Rarity Investigates
Shadow Spade, a female noir style detective. I wonder if there are movies or just books? (The Indiana Jones analog is just books.)
Royal Garden Opening.
Interesting portrayal of Rarity's flirting. All about being generous with compliments to improve somebody's mood, rather than making veiled promises.
Wind Rider set the Wonderbolt Record in the mustang marathon.
They spit into their frogs and hoofbump to seal a deal.
A pegasus guard with Flash Sentry's color scheme, but not his voice, and his armor covers his cutie mark. I wonder if it was a writer wanting to ward against the idea that Flash showing up in, eg, Three's a Crowd, added FiM canonicity to Equestria Girls.
They refer to themselves as castle guards.
Rarity puts on sun lotion.
Rainbow Dash does a victory dance mid-air.
Spitfire's mom is Stormy Flare.
Cinnamon Chai's Tea and Cake shop.
They describe the mystery mare's voice as "raspy".
Spitfire's gone for the ice iris in the crystal mountains.
It's probably worth noting that it's not all that hard for Wind Rider to pass as a female pony.
Rainbow Dash doing the exact opposite of the thing she did last season in Rainbow Falls, then going further. She went to fetch Spitfire, exerting herself, despite the blow to her dream.
Spitfire has the power to strip Wind Rider of his Wonderbolt status.

Done for now.

Just finished season 5, about to watch Friendship Games. Look forward to SciTwi.
I hope I don't get too sad when I finish. This season had some of my least favorite episodes, but it also had a number I really liked.

>>29474989
If both the first and second quoted portions are the same sentence, yes. You wrote it correctly if that's the case. I think.

>>29474989
>should there be a comma at the unfinished first part and the describing part of the dialogue?

Yes. Your example is done correctly (except that the first letter of any speech quotation should be capitalized, including the second part in your example, after the description).

>>29475046
ok what about periods in parenthesis like

"Sentence sentence sentence (Word Word)"

Is the period after "sentence" or after "word" in parenthesis or should it be outside the parenthesis?

>>29475062
Wouldn't it affect the dialogue like say
"If he never did so," he pondered, "Why did he steal it in the first place?"

>>29474536
How irritating.
The first quote is supposed to link to this post:
>>29446639

>>29475075
Hrmm. I looked this up in my style guide. I guess I was wrong: do not capitalize the first letter of additional parts of a broken quotation.
I shall have words with my middle school English Teacher.

>>29475068
Parentheses should generally not be used inside quotations. People can't speak them. Square brackets can go in quotations (but probably not dialogue), for comments by the editor. The exception would be for things like output from translators with parentheses wrapping untranslateable words or guessed words or some such.

But to answer generally, the period goes after the parenthetical (this is also true of commas), UNLESS the parenthetical is a complete sentence, in which case you put a period inside the parentheses, and also before you start it:

>"Sentence sentence sentence. (Also a complete sentence.)"

>>29475133
I feel like parenthesis can be used on a journal/diary-based piece of writing.

>>29475166
Yeah, but you're not supposed to format journals like dialogue. And if there is dialogue written in the journal, it likewise shouldn't have parentheses.

>>29475133
>>29475166
I love it when numbers do this.

Anyways, I meant to say this too: the appropriate option for an aside (stronger than commas represent) in speech is an em-dash:
"Speaking speaking—speaking an aside."

This puts me in mind of an actor leaning away from the rest of the cast and saying something to the audience, for instance.

>>29475311
okay a dash is good, the reference book I've been using does that a lot.

Anyone know some books with journal format? Most I got are a retelling format like Treasure Island or third person narration.

Oh right another grammar question. Let's say it's a side comment this time.

"Words words words words..."
"Sidecomment sidecomment sidecomment."
"...words words words words!"

After the three dots in the final continuation of the first dialogue, should it be capitalized?

>>29475662
Nope. You capitalize the first letter of a quote only because it's a sentence, even though it happens to be one embedded in another sentence. Partial quotes of any sort (eg, a character walks into a room and hears the end of a conversation, quoting only the end of a sentence, or your interruption example) don't get the sentence capital.

Additionally, a spoken sentence that's interrupted (as opposed to trailing off) should probably have a hyphen instead of an ellipsis anyways.

>>29475990
Here's another one but it's not really a big grammar question.

Anyone else feel weird using "And" and "But" as sentence starters for dialogue?

Like I was watching some baneposting videos and tried to type it like a book, then I wondered at this part

"Don't worry," he assured the man, "no choice for them."
The CIA was bewildered at the daunting situation, but time was not a luxury he had. He pressed on.

"...And why would I want them?"

Is it more natural that a dialogue starting with "and" also have three dots?"

>>29476139
>Anyone else feel weird using "And" and "But" as sentence starters for dialogue?

No. Dialogue doesn't need to follow all the same rules as written prose (and even in written prose they're sometimes OK). Dialogue is more conversational, and people often start sentences in a conversation with "And" or "But".

>>29476139
>Is it more natural that a dialogue starting with "and" also have three dots?"

They're unrelated. Starting the dialogue with an ellipsis conveys a certain hesitation in the speaker's response. (The equivalent in a screenplay would be a "(beat)".)

>>29475133
>Parentheses should generally not be used inside quotations. People can't speak them.

I know several people whose conversational style can quite effectively convey parenthetical asides. Don't overuse them, but for a character who should come across as nerdy, analytical, and very systematic about their communication style, a parenthetical aside can work just fine.

If you're going for a Pratchettesque style, you might even call attention to it the first time, with the viewpoint character noticing it. Be careful with that kind of thing, but in the right story a line like that can serve as both a comedic moment and a great conveyance of a character's communication style.

>>29476253
Like Terry Pratchet "Pratchettesque"?

>>29476311
>Like Terry Pratchet "Pratchettesque"?
Eeyup.

>>29476139
>Is it more natural that a dialogue starting with "and" also have three dots?"
Depends on what style guide you subscribe to.
Some (like my old teacher) will never accept starting a quote/dialogue with an ellipsis.
To convey hesitation, slow start, pondering, etc they suggest that you use words to do it.

As long as you don't mix styles, you will probably get away with whatever guide you choose.

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>>29476139
"They were trying to grab your prize. They worked for the mercenary."

CIA raised his brow, shaking his head. Despite its vague nature, he felt like he knew who he was referring to.

"The masked man." the informant continued

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>>29476611
"Bane?"

"Aye" he confirmed

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Oh yeah by the way, what's the best way to describe an action of showing bright light to a certain dark part of a room with a lamp?

>>29476311
RIP

It even has that new bump smell

>10

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>>29477070
To cast light on, to illuminate, to light up, something like that? I wouldn't know which one is best.

>>29476139
Starting a sentence with a coordinating conjunction is never an an error. It's just practically a superstition at this point.
http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/can-i-start-a-sentence-with-a-conjunction

>>29476231
This is correct about starting a quotation with an ellipsis.

Like this one >>29476498 says, some people think it's wrong to use it to show hesitation before speaking.
However, it's always correct to use it in the case of somebody slowly becoming audible (volume turned up on radio, somebody walking down a hallway towards the character while speaking, etc).

It's not right to use it just because.

>>29476253
I can agree with this, but that's still a kind of special case. I think people should be hesitant to do it, because they usually want dashes.

>>29477424
F

>>29477070
That's hard to say without knowing more detail about what exactly is happening and the tone of the surrounding text.
Some general examples.
"He brought up the light in the room."
"I cast the light of the lamp towards the last corner."
"You move the lamp, and with a crackle, the back wall is illuminated."
"Light is thrown from the mantle to every part of the formerly dim room."

I wrote a thing. Any criticism is welcome, but I'd really appreciate any notes on improving my characterization. The personalities I'm writing for my characters just feel so skin-deep, it's driving me nuts.

As you turn a blind corner, a mass of pink fluff slams into your chest and sends you tumbling to the ground. You land on your hindquarters with a hard *thud*, stars dancing in your vision. You shake your head and blink the stars away, only to find a pink mare with cotton candy for a mane staring at you, genuine concern etched onto her face.

The pink earth pony, evidently unfazed by the collision that left you reeling, exclaims, “Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! That was totally my fault, I wasn't looking where I was going. My cutie mark started a'glowin and a'shakin, which means I've got to be at Twilight's castle, so you see I'm really really <i>really</i> in a rush!”

She speaks a mile a minute with the kind of boundless energy that straddles the line between endearing and annoying. However, you hear in her voice a tone one would typically use with an old friend, as if she had just bumped into somepony she had known her entire life. Between catching your breath and rubbing your bruised rump, you take a glance at her cutie mark, a trio of colorful party balloons. True to her word, they vividly pulsate in a manner you can't say you've ever seen before.

“I don't wanna sound like a broken record, but I really am super duper sorry...” She stops speaking for just a moment and furrows her brow. The hyperactive mare leans precariously into your personal space and stares at you with sky-blue eyes, obviously trying to get a good read on you. “...hmm, I don't know your face, which is weird cause I should know every face in Ponyville! Not to mention the names, birthdays, and favorite cupcake flavors to go with those faces. Which means-”

1/6

>>29479432
She gasps, as if you had just disclosed a particularly juicy piece of gossip. “You must be new in town!” She picks you up and places you back on your hooves with strength that her small, if slightly pudgy, frame betrays and proceeds to brush off any dirt on your coat with a quick swipe of her cottony tail.

"My first impressions don't usually start off on such a low note, which means I'll just have to make the rest of my welcome twice as welcoming to make up for it!" She pauses and takes a deep breath, before saying, "Hiya! My name is Pinkie Pie and welcome to Ponyville!" She continues by bouncing around you whilst singing a simple, yet irresistibly catchy tune.

I don't know you!
And you don't know me!
But that'll soon change!
'Cause my name is Pinkie!

Oh, the fun we'll have!
The things we'll do!
I don't know what they are!
But I'll be happy to do them with you!

I can already tell!
Life will never be the same!
With you here now!
So what's your name?

2/6

>>29479443
[Cheerful greeting] You happily reciprocate Pinkie Pie's gleeful demeanor, taking her hoof and spinning her about in an sudden, impromptu dance number. You effortlessly transition into her song, turning it into a duet and even managing to surprise Pinkie with your exuberance. You answer her question in song as well, introducing yourself and giving her your name in a big, showy finale.

"Hehe, [name] is it? You're the funnest thing to happen to me all day, and I've had one doozy of a fun day so far!" Pinkie says, giggling all the while, "Oh I just can't wait to introduce you to all my friends! Just wait 'till you meet Applejack! And Fluttershy! And Rainbow Dash! And Rarity! And Twi-"

[Proper greeting] You patiently wait for Pinkie Pie to finish her song. She concludes her musical number by crouching down and thrusting her head toward you like a filly about to receive a Hearth's Warming present. You gingerly step back and take one Pinkie's hooves in your own. After introducing yourself eloquently, making sure to use a generous amount of purple prose and Prench phrases for good measure, you bow down and gingerly plant a dainty kiss on the pastern of her pink-furred hoof.

"Oooo, faaaaaancy. Well howdy doody (Mr./Ms.) [name]! Now, don't get excited or nothing, but I know a certain pony that would absolutely adore you! Her name's Rarity and I'm sure that the two of you are gonna get along like milk and chocolate! Not that I'm saying nopony else in town will like you; Ponyville is pretty much the nicest, most fullest of kindest ponies in all of the whole entire universe! Come on! Let's go see Rarity now, she's probably at Twi-"

3/6

>>29479450
[Brusque greeting] Oh great. Of all the ponies in town, you just had to bump into the annoying one. You sigh heavily, adopting a plainly irritated expression on your face. You try turning tail and heading elsewhere to perhaps find some more levelheaded company, but Pinkie blocks you at every move, almost impossibly at times.

Continuing around the corner, she follows doggedly, "Hey! You forgot to tell me your name!" Sprinting through an nearby alleyway, she pops out from a pair of closed casement windows, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to get away from some hideous creature!" Following a path through the park, she springs out of an adjacent bush, "Making new friends is like a walk in the park! Am I right, or am I <i>right</i>?!"

You sigh deeply once more, this time in resignation. You're obviously not gonna get anything done today with this pink pest hounding you at every step. You begrudgingly give Pinkie Pie your name and nothing else. You can't help but let a bit of venom seep into your words. Not that you care all that much.

"Looks like I've got another gloomy gus on my hooves!" Pinkie's eyes narrow and the corners of her mouth curl into a devious smile. Her voice lowers to a threatening whisper, "Just you wait [name], I'll crack your shell. I've done it before and I'll do it again. Maybe not today. Maybe not even tomorrow. But eventually. You. Will. Be. My. Friend." She giggles maniacally.

You raise an eyebrow and give her an incredulous look. "Oooo, tough guy eh? I like a challenge. I *might* need some backup though, and who better than the Princess of Friendshi-"

4/6

>>29479455
[Flirty greeting] Pinkie must've knocked you senseless for you to have only just realized how cute she is. In fact, just 'cute' might be a major understatement, as your vision gradually returns and her more curvaceous assets become apparent.

Even though Pinkie is facing you, you can still spy her generous hindquarters spilling out from her sides. Like a big stuffed animal, there is not a hint of sharpness or edge to her form. Her soft body, flowing mane, and fluffy tail all come together to form an incredibly innocent, yet alluring pony. You would like nothing more at this very moment than to take this mare to the nearest alley, dive into that irresistibly inviting mane, and rut her for the rest of the day and a better part of the night.

(You lick your pastern and smooth your ruffled mane back, making sure to give Pinkie a good view of your chiseled jawline and beefy forelegs./You bat your eyelashes and hungrily lick your lips, giving Pinkie a sultry stare all the while.) You saunter up to her and obligingly disclose some exceedingly personal details, including, but not limited to, your name.

"Wowwie zowwie! Seems like somepony wants to ride the fast track to friendship town, population: me! We only met, like, five minutes ago and we're already sharing secrets! Here's one of mine: I go through at least two barrels of glitter a WEEK! I don't even use that much glitter, I have no idea where most of it goes." It appears Pinkie is ignoring your advances. That, or she's innocently oblivious. "Twilight calls me an enigma. Speaking of, why do I get the feeling I'm forgetting something..?"

5/6

>>29479461
Pinkie visibly deflates, her ears flopping down limply against her head and her eyes growing wide as dinner plates. "Omigosh, I almost forgot! I need to go to the castle, but I also really want to show you the rest of Ponyville!"

She rapidly turns her head towards the Castle of Friendship in the distance, then you, then back to the castle repeatedly. She frowns, obviously mulling over a very serious decision in her head.

Finally she says, "I'm sorry, but I really have to go. Tell you what though, come by Sugarcube Corner later and I'll give you the perfect Pinkamena Diane Pie Ponyville welcome that you deserve! Just look for the yummy-looking building with a gingerbread roof and cupcake top, you can't miss it!" She laughs coyly. "Hopefully we can 'bump' into each other again. But maybe not too hard next time. See you later alligator!"

6/6

>>29478824
>>29478930
Ooh thanks. I've been having a block for that.

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>>29478108

>>29479432
I will provide feedback, but probably tomorrow. I mention this partly as a way of bumping the thread from page 9.

>>29479432
Pinkie's a hard personality to get because she forces the writer to balance between her exuberance and her tendency to take over a scene/conversation. I thought you did a lot of her dialogue pretty well, though her response to the proper greeting was kind of bland. I would expect her to play along with it a little more, instead of immediately recommending Rarity as a buddy. Pinkie's just as interested in being friends herself as helping the new pony find friends, so I'd think she would focus on that a bit more in that conversation option.

On the brusque greeting, I think you have her backing down and acknowledging that there's a challenge too early. If I recall, in A Friend in Deed, she bounces off Cranky's wall for quite a while with seeming obliviousness.

Last, though this is difficult to tell for certain, I get the feeling that Pinkie would quickly run out of things to say if you wrote these prompts for longer, because you've got her only responding to Anon's behavior, and not generating conversation from within, as is her wont. What it means is that, in a story, she could wind up being a character only so far as Anon gives her things to react to, which would make her appear shallow. I'd advise having her ramble about less immediately relevant things for a bit, just to show that, while she is paying attention to the new pony, it doesn't hold all of her focus.

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>>29475033
I was at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equine_anatomy earlier.
If I'm reading it right, the thing Rarity kneels on dramatically is the "stifle". The joint below that is the hock, equivalent to the ankle. On the front legs we have the elbow (homologue of the elbow, funny enough), and, just to mess with us I assume, the knee, homologue of the wrist.

Also! What I thought was called the dock is actually the root of the dock or tail. dock refers to the entire non-hair part of a horse's tail.

Made in Manehatten through Crusaders of the Lost Mark


Made in Manehatten
Did Twilight take down the Daring Do posters Rainbow said she put up in the library? I don't see any.
Buttpager strikes again. At this point it's easy to guess it's going to be three disjoint pairs, plus maybe a big group (doesn't happen in this season). Not sure how I feel about that, I guess I'm glad they didn't overuse it.
"That neighborhood probably has twice as many ponies as all of Ponyville" "More like 3 times" With such a low relative population, how did Ponyville get away with so many medals at the Games? How were they legitimately in the running for a wing power record? Is it the difference between "Ponyville Municipality" and "Ponyville Administrative District"?
Haypacking and fashion district
Rarity gives up one of her hats.
"Did yer cutie mark glow, signifying a job well done?"
Bronclyn. Like bronco.
Rarity sets up a friendship booth in reference to peanuts.
Midsummer Theater Revival.
The Method Mares acting troupe. (We see that despite the name, it includes males.)
Hooray, Coco Pommel again.
Rarity calls them being directed there as "fate".
Sheesh. Still trying to dizzy us with obfuscated time.
"Many moons ago" and showing pictures of Coco as a filly.
"Up until several moons ago-" Charity Kindheart moved away. Is this the first summer without the Revival? Pretty rapid for a sense of community to fade away.
Some more horsepun play names: "My Fair Filly", "Trotter on the Roof"

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>>29483439
Coco doesn't wear boots, they chafe her calves (not that they ever draw horses as having bulging calf muscles).
Two wheel style wheelbarrow. Makes a lot more sense for creatures without hands.
I'm not sure what they were going for by making this acting so overwrought.
They tape papers with drawn cutie marks on their thighs as part of their costume. Cheap costumes, or is it considered taboo to try to too closely copy a different cutie mark onto yourself (ala Glimmer)?


Brotherhooves Social
Another like from season 3 where two episodes take place at the same time.
Look at Big Mac smile when Granny mentions magic.
"You've saved Equestria like a gazillion times" It's closer to like, five, Applebloom. ... okay that's actually still a pretty impressive number of times to save a country. Touche.
They have an anvil on their farm
AJ has a bindlestick again (as in Cutie Mark Chronicles) though this time she actually carries it instead of having it float on her shoulder.
The bottom half of the door opens on its own (atypical of Dutch doors I've experienced)
Rainbow and Scootaloo competing together in Sisterhooves Social: "- always had a pretty loose definition of what constimitutes [sic] a sister."
"Such a shame we don't live closer to your second cousins." The fact that she specifies second cousin might mean something. Actually, we know that Babs Seed is AB's cousin, so this might just imply that her second cousins are the closest relatives. (The other option is that Granny only had one child that had children. They might've just been shortening Babs' relationship from "second cousin" or similar there.)
Sweetie Belle just jumps on top of and pins Applebloom.
Big Mac as Cousin Orchard Blossom.
Despite Wind Rider's success a couple episodes ago, Big Mac seems to fool approximately none of the ponies, none of the time.
"Powder your muzzle"
Horsey Adam's apple.

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>>29483484
As foreshadowed ("loose definitions"), the people running the social never cared that he was a stallion, but they do care about his "poor sportsponyship".
The sun setting slowly again.


Crusaders of the Lost Mark
A little sad there were no Daring Do references here to go with the title.
We see that ponies already know that the CMC are the ones you go to for help with a problem.
"Student Pony President"; "pony" replacing "body" outside a compound term. You've gone too far writers.
There are a lot of blankflanks on the school grounds. Presumably younger classes. Speaking of, Cheerilee is still their teacher, more than a year later. It looks a lot like she handles every class of young pony in Ponyville.
Diamond Tiara was the previous (sigh) "student pony president".
Interesting that a blankflank seems to be a serious choice for that position.
Playground equipment damaged in Princess Twilight's battle with Tirek. Window destroyed by Discord.
DT all about blackmail and bribary.
"Pipsqueak, more like pip's weak" Kind of hard when your target's given name is already an insult, huh?
Super strength filly, with a hedgehog cutie mark (fan name: Lily Longsocks, after Pippy Longstockings).
Hardly worth mentioning that before reforming, Diamond Tiara is still a shit to Silver Spoon.
Diamond's song makes the common mistake of confusing hardness for durability.
Diamond Tiara feels like she doesn't understand what her cutie mark means; though later she says her talent is getting ponies to do what she wants.
We meet DT's bitchy mom, Spoiled Rich. She doesn't want DT "socializing with their kind". (You know, personal friends of the local Princess, the little sisters of some of the most important members of the local community. She isn't just shitty, she's stupid too.)
"Acting like a high horse."
DT decides to use her talent (and her father's money) for good instead of evil.

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Forgetting to add name is almost as annoying as forgetting to take it off.

>>29483527
DT sings "for each girl and boy".
The three realize that they feel best when they help other ponies understand their own true talent (as with Trouble Shoes and now Diamond Tiara)
Which is of course exactly when they get their own. A classic theme, both of dramatic irony, as well as that it's when you stop working or looking the most frantically is when you find what you're searching for.
Derpy as a delivery mare in the background.
"If Mom and Dad were here, they'd be so proud of you."
It's almost like they're talking to the audience here: "Were these worth waiting for or what!?"
And of course, the lovely intro echoing ending here.

Such a short segment in this post I nearly decided to do Hearthbreakers too, but it's not like there's a rush.
Been busy, but I finally have time to watch the movie.

Done for tonight.

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>>29483527
>"Student Pony President"; "pony" replacing "body" outside a compound term. You've gone too far writers.
"Student Body President" is a term in English? Huh, I thought it they'd just replaced "Student" by "Student Pony". Learn something new everyday.

>>29483912
Yeah. President of the entire student body.

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bump

>>29484756
-bum, bum-ba-da, ba-da
Bum, bum, bum-ba-da ah!

Implying page 10

>>29482350
Thanks for the insight, I didn't realize I was writing Pinkie so reactively. I'm definitely in that camp of people that think she could use more nuance in her personality aside from just being bubbly and random, but I cannot for the life of me get in these characters' heads.

Can you think of any other characters that are comparable to this kind of Pinkie Pie personality I'm going for? Deadpool comes up in topic too often I find.

>>29484756
That's a pretty pony.

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>>29486561
You know it, Anon.

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Is it just me or did board activity kick up right over the hours that American high school lets out?

Some of my favorite music of all time, for writing or otherwise.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMkMn-bDkqQ&list=PL1FBFF9D52E759BCF

>>29486335

Goodnight

>>29486516
My pleasure. It can be difficult to get a handle of certain characters, especially ones where the writer has to supply a lot of the nuance that the canon does not. Can you be more detailed on the kind of personality you want to give Pinkie?

A mini-review in lieu of more retrospective or some other kind of bump.
I kind of wish each of the movies had been longer. Each one so far contained characters and ideas that it would've been cool to see more developed. I would love to know more about the Dazzlings and the Shadowbolts for instance. I guess 72 minutes is just what they allot kids movies. I suppose they did pretty well with what they had though. Especially with the addition of the shorts for Rainbow Rocks and Friendship Games.

Here's one tidbit I've seen missed a few times in greens: the horse statue on top of the portal pedestal is called The Wondercolt.

Season Five was a real ride. It had lower lows than some previous seasons, but it had some great high points too.
I'm not sure if it's a running gag or not for authors to say they don't even bother watching the show, but I'm really enjoying it overall, and I'm glad I'll only have a couple months to wait for new episodes.

I saw somebody in a thread mention this, the reason that lots of people talk about rejecting everything after season 2 or 3 is that the bad episodes take over their point of view. It reaches the point where every time they watch a good episode, they end up thinking, "Why did those terrible episodes have to suck if they can make ones like this?" and so instead of enjoying what's in front of them, they think about that instead.

Guys question, should I use quotation for this?

...and now I ask myself, "what about me?"

and if so, should I add another question mark after the quotation?

>>29490531
That's a bit more subjective.
If it's an internal thought, it doesn't need to have quotation marks, as it isn't technically even monologue, just internal monologue.

I would just write
>and now I ask myself, what about me?
And if possible italicize or otherwise make internal thoughts apart from the rest. If impossible, just do
>and now I ask myself; What about me?
The semicolon is too underrated.

>>29490545
Oooh, semicolon. Perfect.

>>29490226
I've hated rejection and denial in a series, though I will admit I have always rejected EG1 as canon before it spawned sequels.

Another question, what's the thoughts on starting a sentence with Or?

"...pretty sure his suit smells like olives. Or maybe it's just his natural smell. I don't really care."

>>29491307
Perfectly legitimate. >>29478930

>>29490531
Yeah, I wouldn't use quotes for internal monologue in narrative fiction. Italicization is my preference. Some people emulate that on 4chan with /text/ or *text*; or sometimes just literally copy the fim markup: [i]text[/i].

No need to double up sentence final punctuation. The quotation mark in your quote is allowed to pull double duty as the end to both sentences.

>>29488191
That was nice. I was surprised by it.

>>29493286

What are your thoughts on adjective-verb descriptions like

"Heavily exhaled" vs "Exhaled heavily"?

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I'm trying to figure out ways to describe this expression Maud has fairly often when she finishes saying some things (like, "It's a dress, it doesn't talk." or "They're all about rocks.").
Having trouble with both the physical description and trying to convey the emotion behind it, or the emotion a typical observer would get from it, especially in being subtle about it.

Any ideas?

>>29489443
Oh man, if only I knew that myself. I guess I just want to avoid painting Pinkie as a caricature of usual herself.

I have some issues with how Pinkie is written in some episodes. Take the ending scene of The Last Roundup, where Pinkie and Rarity are pushing the handcar. I would think Pinkie would be clairvoyant enough to see how upset Rarity was in that situation and did something more proactive beyond saying chimicherry and chimichanga.

Now that I think about it, Pinkie as a side character and Pinkie as a main character often differ quite a bit. I want know how to write the latter rather than the former, while still keeping her usual giddiness intact.

>>29494902
Between those two options, definitely the second for me. It's more helpful for visualizing actions as you're reading. When I read "heavily exhaled," there's just that slight pause between knowing what is heavy and what the action is, whereas "exhaled heavily" reads much more smoothly for me.

I'm sure there's exceptions and whatnot, for instance if you wanted to put more emphasis on the adjective, but that's just my two cents.

>>29495268
Make note of the pony's monotonous, uninteresting tone. Don't describe every dialogue you give her with that though. You can let the tone of the discussion or the reaction of the ponies she's talking to do it for the reader.

An easier yet out of character way to do it is to make her pessimistic.

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>>29494902
>>29495484
>Externally sweats vs Sweats Externally

>>29495587
I feel like I'm okay with her tone.

I'm specifically talking about the way she bares her teeth. She almost stares for a moment whenever she does it too.

>>29495721
Other than an ellipsis of three dots, I suppose describing how she contemplates and mulls over her words could help. Written dialogue for a slow character is harder than writing for an ecstatic one like her pink sister. Using your example, you could say

"It's a dress," the impassive mare told her, "it doesn't talk."

"They're all about rocks." she callously tells us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waiG2PSVMMQ

>>29495396
I'm seeing two possibilities off the top of my head for that. The first idea is to have Pinkie as the narrator, showing plenty of times when she's on her own. That way, she'll have fewer distractions, and you won't have to constantly worry about the exhausting dialogue. She can still be scatterbrained and easily amused, but that's a lot simpler to write when there isn't also some character for her to glom on to. The second idea is to have Pinkie the main character in an outside narrator's story, so you can step away from her when you need to. Pinkie will be less cloying if you dole her out in smaller doses, and then the challenge will be more in finding ways to use her sparingly and to great effect. In a way, that's kind of like making her a side character, but if she's the most important one in the narrator's life, then it'll be fine.

>>29495268
That expression looks like detached disdain to me, and that's a phrase you could get away with using once only, or twice in a huge story (on account of the alliteration; makes it memorable). In describing the emotion behind it, I would just keep her sentences short and direct, regardless of what the other characters say, and let that contrast show her emotions. Too many adverbs can fuck up a story, make it look like the author's trying to dress up his or her dialogue. Conveying that significant pause before she speaks can be done by having her do a simple action before responding. Too much of that can also be bad for a story, so be careful with it. If you have her pausing enough elsewhere, you can get the reader to just assume she's slow to reply, and you won't have to have too many reminders.

>"Hey Maud, did you have a good day today?" Twilight asks.
>Maud shrugs inside her cloak. "It was as good as any other."

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So the CMC have their cutie marks now, giving us another pin on which to hang the chronology of the episodes.

Just three today, through Scare-Master.

The One Where Pinkie Pie Knows
568 cupcakes is close but does not exceed Pinkie's cupcake icing record.
We learn that the standard train is called the Friendship Express, and the fancy crystal one is just called the Crystal Empire Train.
Shining Armor and Cadance are having a baby.
Pinkie Pie has trouble keeping a secret if that knowledge is exciting.
We see some stuff Shining Armor was into as a kid. Pulp adventure, comics, train set, ant farm. He also had a doll similar to Smarty Pants: Brutus.
CMC with cutie marks.
When Pinkie distracts Fluttershy by saying there's an albino squirrel, she has an immediate guess as to whom (Albert).
We see an elderly pony with Fluttershy's colors, including a long pink beard. Amazing.
Crossbow.
This show and its safety demonstration. The fillyscout and a young nurse pony are on lifeguard duty at a lakeside party.
Pinkie acknowledges the reflection talking to her as her own imagination.
"I've been getting liberal with those Pinkie Promises lately."
Featherweight has the high-set, points-aboves-rump wings that princesses do (though his are less pointy)
Pinkie's talents as party organizer apparently crossover to organization in general (unsurprising after seeing her secret planning room).
Cadance isn't showing at all.
Even Pinkie knows that they lay it on thick with how much bookhorse like books.
Mayor Mare knew the secret.
Damn horserunes. The birth certificate tells us nothing.


Hearthbreakers
It's Hearth's Warming Eve, and Applebloom has her cutie mark.
I'm assuming this is one year after the last Hearth's Warming Eve episode.
Hearth's Warming Eve dolls are part of the tradition.
Treats of the season: Chancellor Puddinghead puddings, Wendigo frosted snow cone, Equestria flag crepes.

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>>29496820
They recap the Unification story, once again choosing to show the flag of Equestria that shows Celestia and Luna. I think until further notice, I'm assuming Celestia and Luna were chosen to rule pretty much from the formation of Equestria. (And now that I think about it, contrary to Journal of the Two Sisters, Spike does explicitly say in HWE, "Celestia's Rule".)
Pinkie's Math for new friendships checks out.
I love Applejack's terrified glance around after Pinkie Pie demonstrated 19 hooves from the sides of the screen.
"If you thought quartz was high on the Mohs hardness scale, wait 'til I tell you about corundum." Is the school named Corundum, making this a metaphor, or did she only just learn about corundum?
Igneous Rock Pie son of Feldspar Granite Pie, and his wife Cloudy Quartz.
Marble Pie is Pinkie's twin (born just after her. And I love that her cutie mark seems to be marbles made of marble).
This means Maud is older than either. No hints for Limestone, but given that she's managing the rock farm, I think she might be the oldest.
The rock farm includes a mine.
Applejack tells a white lie ("this IS what we were expecting").
They actually eat the rocks. On the one hand, we know there's rock in the Pie rock candy recipe, which anyone can eat; on the other, Maud casually ate a rock that nobody else seemed to consider edible.
We're told about the Pairing or Choosing stone. Granny still feels spry enough to be on the lookout for an apple farming hunk.
I enjoyed how they did this, setting the viewer+AJ up then knocking them down, saying the families share the same traditions, but we find they're actually very different.
Maud and Applebloom "- have a lot in common when it comes to thinking about turning into things"
Pinkie is bad at explaining.
Ramps instead of ladders to the top bunks.
(You know, I just went back to Cutie Mark Chronicles, blank-flanked Limestone and Marble are shown there.)

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>>29496846
Like I said, I didn't take notes as thorough from the first season. I somehow managed to forget that Pinkie has a middle name. And it's a real world one too. Rockfarmers seem to be a pretty weird lot. Perhaps having our world kind of names is their thing.
The Pie sisters are sharing one bed. Presumably to free up the bunks for guests.
Granny's optimistic: "Maybe in time we'll be friends again, but for the now it's best if we give them a little space."
Great^6 Grandfather Holder Cobblestone (no pie in his name). He found the boulder in a dragon's nest. It's a very old rock, that's all. (If Applejack and Pinkie are seventh cousins then their shared ancestor could be one of Holder's children.)
Despite her rock throwing performance in Maud Pie, she doesn't seem to be casually handling Holder's Boulder. Maybe she's got more power than raw strength.


Scare-Master
Obvious parallel name to Stare Master.
While lots of cultures have holidays involving scary costumes and decorations (generally with an idea of scaring away evil spirits), and that occur at different times of the year, Nightmare Night is pretty obviously derived directly from Halloween, including its distinctive post-harvest festival decorations.
Fluttershy's sapient spider friend: Fuzzy Legs.
They show a pony skeleton.
Second time in a row Spike has dressed up in a dragon costume, though this time it's a two-headed one.
Rarity calls her dress form a mannequin.
A reference to events of Filli Vanilli.
CMC toilet papering a tree: a) existence of TP confirmed, b) their cutie marks are not visible.
Some lovely costumes in the background.
Rarity has a vampire fruitbat costume.
Rarity says that period costumes are in right now (note that that's what Sweetie Belle's wearing).
R: Mermaid PP: roller disco girl TS: centurian, RD: sci-fi? AJ: lion
Pinkie is not a great artist (cf her banner design in Pinkie Pride)

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>>29496870
Fluttershy tries to scare them with the things she finds scariest, which apparently isn't monsters, but social awkwardness.
Her drawn pictures of unexpected guests are a crude anime style, and references to major anime. ("Fluttershy is a weeb" is pretty old fanon.)
Angel helps Fluttershy make the next plan.
Granny in a horse mask. I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. Like us in an ape mask? A deformity?
Derpy is dressed as Harmonied Up Princess Twilight. My heart.
Pausing so regularly has consequences, I noticed the brown furry feet of the "fish" monster immediately.
Twilight can teleport herself and all her friends out of restraints.
The bear is named Harry (spelling according to mlp.wikia's transcript). Is it a different bear, or is his full name Mister Harry Bear?
I'm not sure if I felt cheated or amused by the bait and switch of having her bat form just be a costume (though note the great Chekov's gun use of showing it was available). Her eyes stay red: we saw in Magic Duel that cosmetic eye color change is possible, maybe colored contacts are simply around?
This episode almost feels like a rebuttal complaints that Fluttershy "hasn't changed". Since the beginning of the series Fluttershy has gained confidence, and learned how to be assertive when she needs to be. But I see complaints that she's still shy, timid, and softspoken. As if the only valid character arc is one towards some kind of flawless ubermensch (uberross?). She was able to step outside her comfort zone, and then decide it wasn't for her. That's who she is and losing it would make her something different.


A minor side note pertinent to a couple of these episodes, I'm disappointed that Friendship is Magic has moved away from the centurion helmets (shown in Crystal Empire) where the crest is formed from the mane of the wearer sticking through a guide.

>>29491048
>though I will admit I have always rejected EG1 as canon before it spawned sequels.

Admittedly, that makes sense. The show itself has made no efforts to reference anything from the movies, and some of the show runners have made statements that imply the movies are considered their own superset kind of canon (though at least they seem a step more canon than comics, which are basically ignored by the show writers; it seems like they try to not invalidate the movies).

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>>29495792
>she callously tells us.
Ehh, 'callously' has some negative connotations. Like, you'd callously tell someone to suck it up after they just had their thumb ripped off by a wolverine, or something.
Maud is loving, but her emotions move entirely beneath the surface.

>>29496543 is on point about using too many nuances to try and get Maud's personality across. Keep in mind that most people who are gonna read this know all about Maud, so you can let their heads do most of the heavy lifting. Keep her phrases succinct unless there is a real need and you are pretty much writing her.

I might use simile and metaphor if I really felt the need to show her steadiness for whatever reason.
>If her voice had a color, it would be beige.
>Whatever currents stirred within Maud were deep; not a ripple showed on her face.
etc


'Laconic' could be a descriptor for her, too.

>>29496939
>>29496543
>>29495792
This is all good advice, and I thank you each for it. I'll keep in mind. But I have to say the main thing I'm looking for is words to describe her physical facial expression, literally the thing she does with her mouth.

"Bared teeth" puts me in mind of an animal about to go for the throat.
It's not quite a lip curled sneer or a grimace either.

>>29496939
you're maud is a shit

SHIIT

>>29496982
Line 1, you're should be your.

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>>29496982
>>29497063
Oh, and to mimic the original comic, the "SHIIT" should be extended further.

>>29497281
for emphasis

>>29497605
FOR EMPHASIS

>>29474249
Question: do tumblr askblogs count as well or should i look for a different thread?

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So yeah...shipfics...

>>29498702
What is a tumblr ask blog and is it relevant to fanfiction and prose writing?

>>29498719
in a way, ask blogs are like interactive fanfictions. its literally a blog featuring characters, sometimes related to shows or a person's take on a character in the show, and people can ask them questions and see how they respond. many run on a storyline with occasional breaks for random shenanigans, or have multiple storylines in order to keep the interest of their followers. the hardest part is always advertising and making the blog, when you start out, something that is different that makes people interested and want to engage in. which is where i am now and is why I asked if ask blogs are relevant.

>>29498748
Ah, like Ask Molestia.

Well it's fanfiction and not comic strip fanfiction. So long as it's not one sentence fictions, you can ask.

>>29498770
Ok.
Well, I wanted to know what are things that make fanfiction interesting for you guys. What are elements that make the story something you want to read, and what are ones that turn you away?

>>29498791
Everyone has their own tastes. /mlp/ in the recent years has preferred self insert smutfiction. Tumblr in stereotype belief has preferred same sex drama.

Personally, any story that has intrigue with decent dialogue is good enough for me. When it comes to internet fiction, how you start will determine your following, and your following will almost forever steer your writing style and setting.

A hugbox general will likely praise you just by contributing. A fanfiction site like fanfiction.net, fimfiction.net and others will criticize you which in a way is a bit better.

>>29498832
Ok.
What about characters? I've seen a lot of people rage over Mary Sue-esque OCs. Any elements I should avoid?
Also I'm starting out with text-based replies because, in the blog, my characters decided to create it on a whim but don't have a webcam yet. I'm planning on adding visual replies once I nail down designs, but I'm wondering if this was a good idea or not since I've gotten nothing (though part of the fact might be that I forgot to open up the askbox when I started it)

>>29498864
Depends on which show you're in.

Obviously OCs of yourself aren't a great sell but they do work somewhat if you draw yourself cute. I like to think of mary/gary stus as like that girl in the young adult novels where she's cast into the setting with two dudes in love with her and she saves the world, or the harem guy in anime where he's the blandest design but gets all the ladies. The flaws make up the character, and how you handle it will make or break your own character.

OCs made for your fanfic that isn't a reflection of you and is merely for the advancement of the plot is much easier to think of since they could be characters of low importance and then depending on the plot will either be forgotten or advance into important supporting/side characters. One big flaw in writing side character OCs is that they could either be pointless love interests or deus ex machinas which can turn a story into something blasé.
Then there's OCs for AUs like say Molestia, Star VS Marco's children, Gravity Falls Pinecest in which the character is based on the actual characters of said fictions but isn't really them, nor an OOC of them.

I don't have a great say in avoiding mary sue characters, but I will say this; avoid bringing IRL politics into the discussion. It won't end well for you and might cause a divide in your following.

>>29498864
and make a bloody chart if you have a big story to tell. You'll really need it.

>>29498963
Thankfully I hate politics and dont ever bring them into anything I create.
The character that will be the main focus, I actually made as a next gen OC that was adopted by twi and it kinda spiraled into its own thing. it hasnt been revealed on the blog itself yet, that im hoping to do later once i start with the drawn replies. thing is im trying to make it a bit open so that things are revealed as people ask, but im afraid that its doing the opposite and making it something no one can play off of because they know nothing.

>>29498702
Post it

>>29500376
serenity-and-friends.tumblr.com
currently its like a frame. something is physically there, but it looks like shit and needs a ton of work.

>>29500738
What kind of feedback are you looking for?

>>29502947
Erma topcute.

>>29502167
i guess...trying to find a weak point. its still in the early stages but i want to find a way to make it something people want to respond to and learn more about the characters.

>>29496977
You're right, I don't quite know what to call Maud's mouth movements either. If there is a word for it, it's not in my vocabulary.

Maybe ajar? A half-scowl? The bare minimum she needs to move her mouth in order to speak? Talking through clenched teeth? Rigid? Utilitarian?

Sorry I'm not much more help, but I don't think any single word is gonna capture that mannerism.

>>29498704
mmm quite

>>29474249
Why is greentext in second person?

>>29505287
Because you touch yourself at night.

>>29505287
This was asked last thread so I'm going to mostly copy my post from there:

It's historical reasons.

Greentext stories were born from quest/CYOA threads. Just as in CYOA books, because the reader is essentially roleplaying as the one making these choices, they are addressed directly.
Quotation arrows being one of the only forms of markup available to 4chan, they were used liberally, and eventually there emerged a pattern of player speech in black (often choice instructions too) and everything else in green.

My personal tastes are that if you're going to write greentext stories, you should write in second person and present tense, because the only reason to use greentext in the first place is to participate in that cultural element. If you want to write third person, use standard prose structure with no markup. This last is mostly just opinion, there are established writefags that buck this trend.

>>29505287
That's a very hard question. Probably just tradition from when memearrows were new.

>>29505314
>use standard narrative "structure"
FTFY.
The "structure" of greentext's prose is typically pretty standard, so what you said makes no sense.

>>29496543
Thanks again LG, you've definitely given me some things to think about.

>>29505550
It's broken up with greater than glyphs. It rarely has any paragraphs, and if it does, they're short.
Can we agree that this is not what one is likely to find upon cracking open a book in the fiction section at their local library?

Meet me half way here, if "standard narrative structure" doesn't work for you to make this distinction, what do you think would communicate it more clearly?
"Paragraph structure"? "Typical prose arrangement"?

>>29505718
Okay, I think I see now what you're trying to say. That idiosyncratic phrase of yours really confused me.
Greentext isn't the result of the average Vietnamese speaker trying to write English prose, nor is it written in a style that relies heavily on alliteration. It's nothing of the sort. You weren't talking about a style of prose or style of expression at all -- the prose is often not unusual in any way. So I erroneously assumed you meant the specific way in which the story's often narrated, and that's not what you meant either. "Format" is the magical elusive word you're looking for. Greentext is a different format, a different arrangement of text, not speech.