>>26076323 >>26076237 >"King Anon! Terrible news! The weapons you gave us malfunctioned and killed hundreds of enemy griffons!" >W-What the fuck did he just say? "Excuse me soldier, can you run that by me again? >You hope your years of blasting NWA is finally fucking up your ears. >"The weapons you distributed out to us in the front line had a malfunction and killed many enemy griffons, sir!" >... "I GAVE YOU GUYS NERF GUNS. NERF GUNS. THE WORST IT CAN DO IS BE A CHOKING HAZARD MUCH LESS KILL A FUCKING GRIFFON." >The messenger is taken aback at your sudden, explosive reaction. >"No disrespect your majesty, but the ammunition you supplied us with were of the highest caliber the Equestrian Army has ever used." "FOAM AND PLASTIC." >"W-What?" "THEY'RE MADE OF FOAM AND PLASTIC! HOW IS THAT LETHAL!?" >I need a drink. "Dismissed." >"But K-" "I said dismissed." You said harshly. >The messenger bows his head and turns to leave. >You stand and leave the court room not caring what other duties you had to complete today. >You enter the kitchen, open the cupboard, and pull out some Marewaukee kill me please i dont know alcohol nor how to make puns >You pour yourself a glass and chug it all down. >Again and again you pour another glass, unable to coup with the fact of many lost souls. >Little did Anon know, ponies were highly susceptible to even the smallest of boo boos. >Even so, the messenger while leaving tripped on the last step of the stairs, landed on an emergency pillow and broke his neck.
>>26076323 "FUCKING. NERF. GUNS." >You grab one that you keep on your person, to show intimidation to stupid ponies "See this?!" >You take out a "bullet" "This is nothing. It can't feasibly hurt anything. Unless its traveling at the speed of light, it can't- ok, you know what, let's ask the real question. HOW did it kill hundreds of enemy griffons?" >All the guards start looking in different directions "Well?!" >One of them kicks a pegasus guard >"Hey!" >You use your pointer finger "YOU!" >He cowers in fear, but fuck it, you're getting your answer >"Y-yes, my lord?" "Do you know how this 'CATASTROPHE' happened?" >"U-um..." >He looks around the entire room >"Alright, fine! It was me! I fired a warning shot, but... oh Celestia, the horror!" >He fired a shot >A nerf gun shot >It killed hundreds "...How?" >You're trying your hardest to keep whatever composure you have left >"W-well..." >He takes a deep breath >"The Griffon rebellion you told us to quell... they didn't listen to us." "Yes, and?" >"I thought that if they knew the awesome power of our weapons, they would surrender at first sight." >Awesome power >Fucking nerf guns >JUST "Ok ok ok... so you fired off a warning shot, and...?" >He starts to hyperventilate a little bit >"I-It was just one shot... but... it landed in the left eye of the griffon commander. He felt so much pain, he dropped his weapon... a-and that's when it all happened." "What!? How the hell did a nerf gun to the eye kill everyone?!" >"His weapon dropped onto another griffon, cutting its arm, which cased a crossbow to hit another griffon! Soon afterwards, all the griffons started panicking, fighting among themselves! They didn't know who to trust, so they... they-!" >You put your palm out "Enough... just enough..." >You walk back to your throne "Leave... I need to think about things." >They all do as they're told >Wow... >Griffons started killing each other >All because of a nerf gun to the eye >... >Every fucking time
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