>>26072296 But not with these 4 kiss-less semen demons.
>Anon offers to GM for SciTwilight and her friends >she apologizes for them upfront >during the game each one acts as a stereotypical nerd that barely interacts with the opposite gender, one constantly trying to act like an alpha and hitting on him, the other blaming men for being unpopular and saying he's here for the attention and the third being too shy to talk Reversed gender roles.
>>26074582 >>26072429 Hoo boy. >Be anon >Handsome, rugged individual that enjoys life outdoors >just kidding, you’re a nerd >You’re finally done for the day, so you’re stashing a bunch of your notebooks >Normally you would bring them home with you, but girls in this country are fucking weird >They act…differently >doesn’t help that they outnumber guys three to one. >Or 2.95 to 1.20 >You actually did the math. >And the guys…well, the less said about them, the better. >At least you’re rich enough not have to hang at Canterlot High >Apparently they get really high on acid and see technicolor pones and demons from other dimensions. >Fucking weirdos >”Hey Anon. I see you’re about to go home.” >It’s Twilight. >She’s actually pretty cool. You don’t think she’s actually interested in guys. >Or girls. >You know this because she doesn’t act like the other girls around you at this weird-ass school. “Pretty much, yeah.”
>>26079062 >”Listen, Anon, you play Ogres and Oubliettes, right?” “Yeah…?” >Usually mentioning this around girls at your old school put them off. >So you didn’t say anything about it here. >But Twi figured things out. >You once watched her figure out what you had for breakfast from a stain on your shirt. >Pretty impressive considering it was hotpockets rolled in doritos dust and drenched in cheese. >Truly, she is an ingenious detective. >And you thank /healthy/ every day for your fit body. >”I have a few study-buddies that would like to participate in a game. I lack the creative faculties to build a game on my own, so I decided to come to you.” “Why me?” >Twi rolls her eyes. >”Most of the girls here don’t appreciate a good game of Ogres and Oubliettes. And the guys wouldn’t touch this game with a ten-foot pole.” >Her eyes dart from you to elsewhere in a second. >”Not that you’re not a guy, but…you’re very rare. A guy who likes video games and O&O without vying for attention.” >You remember all the guys you’ve played tabletop games with. >All of the crusty, half-shaven dudes with no sense of moral hygiene. “N…not really, but whatever. Where is this game going to be?” >Twi looks up thoughtfully and taps her lip with a finger. >”We could do this at one of their houses but…” >She cringed. >”Let’s do it at mine. I can move out my current project from the basement for the time being.” >How strange. “Okay then. What’s you’re address?” >”1234 Fake Street.” >areyoufuckingserious.jpg “Seriously?” >”I’m aware of what the name makes it sound like. Trust me, it’s real.” >You checked your phone “Holy shit.” >”Yeah” Twilight sighs, “Absolutely ridiculous.” “More proof that civil engineers are psychopaths that don’t care how many lives they destroy.” >”You’re preaching to the choir, Anon. I hope to see you there tomorrow afternoon.” >She starts walking away, but stops.
>>26079464 >Be Anon >Be in front of Twi’s house. >Still not sure if this entire district is just a big social experiment that you got sucked into. >Such is life in [COUNTRY NAME REDACTED]. >You have your books, your board, and your dice. >And your ‘Fuck this player in particular’ dice. >Never know when you’re going to nix the shit out of a player. >You knock on the door and wait. >It’s answered by a pretty blue lady in an apron. >wait no >That’s a dude. Probably Twi’s dad. >There’s probably something in the water. >estrogenisgoodforyouright.png >”You must be Anon! And you’re a handsome young man to boot! No wonder Twilight and her friends wanted you to play their game with you. I’m Night Light, Twi’s father. Her mother’s away on editorial business.” “Nice to meet you…sir. Thank you for letting us play here.” >”And he’s polite! You must have girls beating each other with sticks to get to you.” >Yes. >Not nearly as fun as it sounds. >You smile and you walk right in. >You go where countless nerd had spent their lives out as wizards in all meanings of the word. >The basement. >And what a sight you beheld. >A bunch of electronic equipment was stashed in the corner. >There was even one of those boards with yarn connecting pictures. >illuminaticonfirmed.jpg >Twilight was there. >She actually looked uncomfortable. >Twilight. >Uncomfortable. >The girl who dissected a frog in thirty seconds with a plastic knife and several pencils. >The ominous feeling was growing. >The second you laid eyes on them you knew they were trouble. >Stereotypical nerds, the lot of them, in every shape of the word. >But at least they weren’t landwhales. >Come to think of it, you have seen 0 fat people since you came here. >A point in favor of government experimentation.
>Twilight told you their names: Aria, Adiago, and Sonata. >You mentally vetoed those names and came up with Tryhard, Cheetos, and Bluequiet. >Tryhard’s a light purple girl with purple hair and green highlights. >From the second you walked in, she’d been bragging about how awesome she is, putting everyone else down at the same time. >Cheetos is yellow, with frizzy orange hair. >She’d been muttering about how you were only DMing for attention. >Bluequiet was blue. And quiet. >She seems to be scared to look you in the eyes. >Twilight gave you a look that simply said: >’I’m so sorry’ >ignoring the rising sperg levels, you quickly set up shop. “Alright everyone, I hope you have your character sheets ready. Pass them over here so I can make sure they’re all good.” >Tryhard grabbed your hand and gently put in her character sheet. >chills >Cheetos threw a raggedy-ass crumpled paper at you, covered in Cheetos dust. >absolutelydisgusting.gif >Bluequiet meekly passed you her sheet. >And Twilight hers exactly in front of you. >Probably perfectly perpendicular to the table. >hooray for alliteration >Already you could see quite a few problems. >Apparently Tryhard tried hard to pull a fast one on you. >And Cheetos was just cheating. “Okay Tr-Aria, I see you went with a barbarian that doesn’t start out illiterate. Nice try. But Aria definitely tried to pull a fast one, because your dice rolls for your stats seem way too high to be normal, not to mention your paladin is Chaotic Neutral.” >”But did you read his backstory?” >You did. >The only way to make it cringier would be if her mount were some sort of black coated, red maned winged unicorn that could control the heavens. >Oh wait, that’s on the back. >You scribble it out and leave it as a normal warhorse.
>>26087514 >Tryhard’s a light purple girl with purple hair and green highlights. >Cheetos is yellow, with frizzy orange hair. >Bluequiet was blue. And quiet. Protip for the future: anybody reading your fanfiction likely already knows what they look like. Show, don't tell.
>>26087514 Confession time: I’ve never played tabletop games. I’m kinda flying by the seat of my pants, with the help of our Google overlords. Anybody want to take up the torch?
“The fact remains: paladins are always Lawful Good. Maybe you should be a fighter? Or a cleric?” >”You’re only doing this because you hate me!” >Red alert. “Tell you what, you can reroll your stats two more times, and either change your class or change your alignment.” >”Fine.” She huffs and crosses her arms. “I’ll be Lawful good.” >Twi is an interesting Lawful Neutral wizard. >Bluequiet ends up going for the Neutral Good Ranger. >Them and the Chaotic Neutral Barbarian plus the Lawful Good Paladin decked out in black and red armor seem to be a primarily offensive team. >On the eyes too. “Alright then. We’ll start the adventure in the good ol’ classic form: at the tavern. And no sulking in the corner Aria. You’re a paladin, have some decorum.”
So herein lies the problem: I have a very basic understanding of how tabletop games work. Roll for initiative and all of that. So for my first greentext, I could delve into new territory by going through an adventure alongside the girls, cut it short and have Anon bitch about them the entire time, or completely derail this fucking thread and make my first 18+ story. Or someone else can take the reins.
>>26087738 Will need to find some time to write a green of this myself. Will probably also include some GM-girlfriend accusations towards Twilight. As for yours it's, go on and make up stuff as you go, you're writing about a fictional RPG anyway.
>>26087738 Make it up as you go. Ogres and Oubliettes is clearly D&D based, but doesn't exist, leaving you free to do whatever you want. A basic understanding is all you need. Keep it general (paladins are Lawful Good, roll for initiative, 20s are good, 1s are bad) and don't get bogged down in details. I'm sure none of us want to read a roll-by-roll summary of a D&D game. Unless you actually have a reason to go into detail about a game mechanic or specific roll, gloss over it. And don't be afraid to go into an in-character POV. That'll allow you to bypass all the technical bullshit and keep tension up.
>A bearded wizard with a ridiculous hat walks into a bar accompanied by a goblin. >This is not the start of a joke, but a campaign. >There is a barbarian woman surrounded by tavern wenches. >These wenches have penises. >The elven ranger is quietly sipping a drink at the bar, her direwolf companion sitting on the stool beside her. >The direwolf is wearing a purple bowtie. >Bowties make everything better. >And a paladin is brooding in a dark corner, sipping ale. Her armor is a questionable design choice, but she wears it anyways. ______ >”Typical guy, saying that.” Cheetos snarks. “Lady, anybody who has gone outside for more than two minutes at a time could tell you that black and red are terrible ideas.” >”Yeah, Aria, lay off the guy. He can’t help it.” >You should have brought extra shit-list dice. >At least Bluequiet doesn’t add any more to this tardfest. >She may not be able to look you in the eyes, and can only mumble when you’re in 10m of her. >But at least she’s manageable. >Back to the game. _______ >The wizard gathers up the adventurers at a table where the goblin sits. ”’Ullo ‘eros, me name is Gatz. Oi fink you bruvs can see oim in a roight pickle.” >”I honestly don’t care, asshole.” The barbarian says. >The paladin decides to cleave- ____ “You can’t do that. You’re lawful good, remember?” >”But he’s a goblin! They’re evil!” >She didn’t even cast Detect Evil “You didn’t even cast detect evil.” >Cheetos groans. >”How come Adiago could act like an ass?” >”Because she’s playing a Barbarian. A chaotic one at that.” Twilight answers. _____ >The paladin casts detect evil and realizes she was an idiot for assuming the goblin was evil. >Maybe she should learn to not judge books by their covers. >Or goblins by their disgusting, pustule-covered, green faces. >’Cause Gatz was ugly as demon sin.
>>26097470 Should I get a pastebin guys? Have I become a real namefag yet?
>Gatz goes on to explain that his village had been conscripted unlawfully into a labor camp for an orc warlord. >The wizard decided to help because the orc didn’t fill out the proper forms to start a mining company. >The ranger joined in because not only was slavery bad, but the mining was ruining nearby forests. >The barbarian was about to blow Gatz off until the goblin told her that she could have some of the shiny metals and rocks they found. >The paladin had a strange urge to lop off the Gatz’s head, but decided that it wasn’t at all like him to do so. >Plus, orcs were evil, right? >The merry band gets on the road towards the internment camp. >On the road, they decide to actually introduce themselves to each other. >Chelsea the paladin was about to go on a long rant about her no doubt riveting backstory. >Before the gnomish wizard Tara butts in and introduced herself. _____ >”Herself?” Tryhard smirks and pts your head. “Silly boy, you said he was bearded earlier.” >Jimmies check? >Semi-rustled. Lucky bitch has got a sperg handicap. >Luckily Twi saves you from wasting your breath on her. >”Actually Adiago, gnomes of both genders could grow beards, although if a female grows one, she gets -2 to charisma.” >”Why would you choose that?” Tryhard asks. >”+3 to frost resist, and +2 to fire resist.” Twilight shrugs. >Fair enough. ____ >Surprisingly, the elven ranger stepped forward next and introduced herself as Beatrice. >Finally the barbarian, Amanda finished the casual meet and greet in the middle of the road. “Oim a might bit sorreh to interrupt ye gals, but some blokes are blockin’ owah road!” >There was indeed a pack of kobolds blocking the road. >They were just wearing loincloths, armed with pots and pans >The leader was dressed in nothing more than a hooded brown cloak, armed with a lantern and an obviously magical knife. >The party readied their arms.
>>26097496 >Beatrice acts first and lets loose three arrows. >Very good early game perk. >One misses two hits. One in the knee another in the face. >”MY EYES!” One of the kobolds screams. >In a first move, Beatrice had blinded and crippled two of the ten kobolds. >Amanda rushes in and activates rage. >Two more down, plus the blinded one down for sure. >The cloaked kobold rushes forwards and stabs Amanda. >Ten damage. >Lucky break. >Amanda is down a quarter of her health in a second, so she wisely decides to back off. >Not before lopping off one more head in anger. >”Concentrate fire on the leader! He’s strong!” >youhavenoidea.jpg > Chelsea had been on the fringes of the kobald squad, rolling pretty decently. >Tara was firing magic missiles quite well. >Mr. Bowtie was pinning down kobolds so Beatrice could shoot them. >All at once, they turn their attention to the cloaked kobold. >They were unlucky, because projectiles kept missing. >Chelsea leapt in front of it and delivered a solid slice to its abdomen. >The kobold counter attacked. ____ >You looked over your dice. >”Well? What are you waiting for? For some girl to step in and do the calculations for you?” Cheetos sneered. >You were trying to figure out if it was too early for your obsidian dice. >Apparently, it wasn’t. >Roll. “Hmmm.” >”What?” >You’re starting to hate that voice. >You could saw an aircraft carrier in half with the murder-boner you were sporting. “Roll a die.” >Cheetos huffs, but complies. “How tall is your character?” >”What does that have to do with anything?” “Just tell me.” >“Six-foot six.” >notusingmetric.jpg >wishfullfillmentmuch.png “Ooooooh.” >”What? What is it?!” “Good news, bad news, and good news.” >”So?!” “Okay, you live, with 2HP left. Thank goodness for your blessed armor.”
>>26098154 >”THAT’s the good news?” Cheetos rages. “The magical knife has a random damage. It could do practically zero damage or thousands of hit points. There’s a warm up period so the first hit is actually based on the victim’s total health. I sort of expected you guys to eventually hit it with projectiles. Anyways, I calculated your size compared to the kobold’s size and found…well, Chelsea can’t bear children anymore.” >”WHAT!” Cheetos screamed. >Sympathy wince from the girls. >Yup, it went right went up the vagoo and tore up her insides. >Thank goodness Cheetos has a short person complex else she’d have been disemboweled. >But wait! >There’s more! “On the bright side, paladins rarely get laid, so there was very little chance of Chelsea using it.”
>>26098497 >Oh look, Cheetos is turning red. >Is she Spicy Cheetos or Doritos now? >”What the fuck is your problem!? Do you have some sort of personal vendetta against me?!” >Getting there. >”Are you some kind of faggot, or can you not bear to be in a room with someone who’s intellectually superior?!” >Okay, wow. >”You useless sack of--” “ENOUGH!” >You slam your hand on the table. “YOU CONCEITED BITCH, JUST THINK FOR A MOMENT BEFORE YOU START BLAMING EVERYONE BUT YOURSELF. FUCKING THINK WITH THAT ’SUPERIOR INTELLECT’ OF YOURS! THIS ISN’T THE DAMN MENSA CIRCLEJERKING COMPETITONS, IT’S A FUCKING GAME, SO FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING, ACT LIKE IT, YOU DREADFUL CUNT!” >Utter silence. >You sit back down and rub your forehead. >Deep breaths. “I’m sorry for losing my temper, we’ve been going for a while now. Let’s finish this session before it’s morning.” >You look around and see Twi giving you a sympathetic expression. >Bluequiet seems to be red in the face, her hands under the table. >You probably scared her, poor girl. >Tryhard was looking away, muttering about ‘male hormones’. >Spicy Cheetos was now regular Cheetos again, grinding her teeth s she looked you in the eyes defiantly. “Alright!” >You clap your hands together, attempting to dispel the awkward atmosphere. “Twilight, it’s your turn.” >“I suppose I’ll finish this quickly with the ‘Gravity Shift’ spell.” >She rolls and sighs. >”Fuck, a ten. Everybody roll for bracing.” “Counting the damage, the kobolds are done for even if you guys fail these rolls. If you get ten or higher, no damage. Roll ‘em.” >”Eleven.” Tryhard calls out. >”Fourteen” Cheetos grimaces. >”Eugh, nine. But Tara has plenty of health, she’ll survive.” >”Sixteen.” Bluequiet lets out a sigh of relief. “One. Fuck.” >”Who are you rolling for?” Twilight asks. “Gatz. From the manual, he gets crushed into a singularity. Insta-death.” >Twi facepalms.
>>26087738 >I could delve into new territory by going through an adventure alongside the girls, cut it short and have Anon bitch about them the entire time, this, but for god's sake don't do any lewd until near the end. You need build up for that shit or it just leaves you feeling unsatisfied.
>>26100352 I have, just three sessions. It was cool, I just wish I could have stayed for more. I would have been playing since high school if I had the initiative to get off my lazy ass and talk to people. Despite the stereotypes of American high school, there was no real bias against "geeks and nerds," and I'm sure at least a couple people from each social circle would have had enough interest to try it out at least once.
>>26098512 The only thing that I would alter is make Anon less shouty and the Nerdlings more like Equestrain versions:
>the Alpha skeezer - Adiago instead of Aria, being the leader, seeing herself as an alpha nerd/black widow who tries to manipulate everyone using her womanly charm but it's not subtle, charming or successful at all
>the sexist - always trying to one up Adiago for the leadership of the group and failing miserably, being pissy/edgy and accusing Twilight of bringing her boyfriend and Anon of doing this for attention
>the quiet one - Sonate, but more silly. Either in a charming way in the show or what the millennial think is being random and silly, spouting memes in the few moments she breaks her silence earning internal groans from Anon
>>26098497 Okay, critical hit cards are a thing that can lead to fun times like broken bones and bleeding eyes instead of just "moar damage", and it's not entirely unlikely that sets exist that would include genital damage beyond mere "also sickened for X rounds", but; 1: them being reliant on height of attacker vs defender would slow the game down, detering their use, 2: Sudden permanent genital damage is, well... over on /tg/ you'd get accused for Magical Realming. Good news for Adagio's paaldin, though, the Restoration spell exists. Hell as a paladin she even gets to cast it herself! ...At about level sixteen. Might wanna start saving a donation for the cleric.
>>26098512 If you want to get a better idea of how the game plays and maybe get into these kinds of games..., I'd suggest heading over to the 5e /tg/ thread and taking a look at some of the PDFs they have.
>You are Anon >You are miserable >One of your friends, Twilight, asked you to cover for her ill DM that night, which my itself wasn't a bad thing. >The girls you're DMing, though, is another story entirely. >Sonata keeps trying to crack these awful AWFUL jokes to you just ALL the time. >As in, the same way that an autist just throws in pop culture references into conversation with any kind of context. >The "I'm attacking the darkness!" joke got zero laughs the first time she said it; you don't know why Sonata thought it would get any the second time 'round. >The second one, Adiago, is just... strange. >She doesn't seem convinced that you're really "into" D&D, and she's intent on constantly challenging your decisions to "see if you know the rules", or some bullshit. >And then there was the issue where your hand brushed against hers when you were inspecting her character sheet, and she blushed bright red. >She's like a genuinely unpleasant tsundere. >Last, but not least, is Aria. >Mother. >Fucking. >Aria. >You know what? She's actually a pretty chill girl. >But she needs to stop running her fucking mouth. >She's a bit like Adiago, only instead of constantly challenging you, she's constantly trying to contribute to you. >And the way she jumps from one topic to another sort of gives you the impression that she doesn't actually care about what she's talking about; she just cares that YOU know how "smart" she is. >Twilight's presence only made it worse, to be honest. >She was your Straight Man; the standard that you compared the other three to. >Her behaviour just brought further attention to how fucking WEIRD her three friends were. >They'd seem downright tame if you could forget what "normal" meant for five god-damn minutes. >"...'cause if there are any girls there I wanna DO them!" >....... "Shut the fuck up, Sonata."
>>26111928 3.5e is a broken mess but oh god the freedom is unreal. Savage Worlds is fun but a little barebones. Other than that I mostly play Homebrew and a little 4e before I converted that game to 3.5e because 4 was too streamlines. 5 is 4 streamlined even further so I nope'd the fuck out of there.
>>26112080 I love 5e myself. Played 4 and 3.5 too. 4 is boring, and 3.5 is fun but very rule-intensive. 5e's my favorite simply because it feels like a solid game. Nothing's too broken, there's an emphasis on storytelling... it's just a good game. I think it's unfair to say 5 is 4 streamlined. 5 is more like 3.5 with rulecruft removed.
>>26113434 Not that guy, but basically it's full of trap options, clunky legacy rules, and casters are far far better than martial characters. Pathfinder is even worse, with most problems raised to the nth power. I've never played 5e, but everything I've heard is pretty good to be honest. I'm personally a huge fan of savage worlds, myself.
Actually, if you're just getting into the hobby, I'd recommend tavern tales (http://www.taverntalesrpg.com/) as a good intro ruleset. I'm not hugely fond of it (mostly because of my boner for low fantasy over high), but it's fantastic for beginners.
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