>You are Anon. >Mondays tend to be the least popular weekday with most of the world, but you always found them relaxing. >For instance, Sugar Cube Corner isn’t open on Sundays, but it was open today, meaning you didn’t have to make your own breakfast. >Sure most people don’t eat three chocolate muffins for breakfast every day, but once you get used to it you can’t ever imagine going back to eggs. >Especially since you always manage to burn anything you cook. >So you walk through the town with a stomach full of sugar, no real destination in mind. >And you think to yourself, “I hope nothing happens today.” >But once you round a corner and see Spike running up to you screaming your name, you knew that unfortunately today was going to be yet another adventure. >”Anon! Anon!” >You walk right past the frantic little lizard and head towards the library, you already knew what was going on. >There was only one reason that anyone in Ponyville ever ran up to you in a frantic state screaming your name. >And that reason just threw a chair through a library window that barely missed knocking a kid out cold. >You open the front door and spot the only thing in Equestria, besides yourself, that could be called human, even though he barely has anything that anyone could call humanity. >His name is Dan, and you always had the feeling that even if this guy was on a planet full of clones of himself, he would still be a pessimistic and obnoxious jerk. >Unfortunately for you, Dan also happens to be your best friend. >And right now he’s currently expressing his feelings to Twilight Sparkle the only way he knows how, by shouting at her. 1/26
>>21497774 >”And I’m telling you, that if you don’t let me check out this book I’m gonna send you to the glue factory you incompetent stooge!” >The fear on Twilight’s face is genuine as she tries to calmly explain something to Dan. >She doesn’t seem to know that there’s no way in hell he’s going to listen to reason when he’s this riled up. >”Dan, I already told you that you can’t check out any books if you already have a book that’s overdue.” >Oddly enough Dan calmly retorts, “and I’m trying to say that I don’t have any money to pay any late fees with.” >But the calm doesn’t last longer than two seconds, “and even if I did I wouldn’t pay any of your extortion fees, because I don’t have any overdue books!” >”This is a library, I have a library card, and I want to get a book!” >Dan then grabs one of Twilight’s many glass test tubes lying around and breaks half of it by swinging it down on a table, creating a tiny make shift knife that could only threaten a cartoon horse. >”So do your stupid job and give me the book I want, or else you won’t even be able to hold a job wasting space let alone continue being the worst librarian in the universe!” >You were leaning on the door enjoying the scene before you when you felt a tug on your pant leg. >Looking down you saw Spike out of breath and with an annoyed look on his face, “Anon, do, something.” >You could see that he was concerned, but you also wanted to see what Dan was going to do next. ”Aw take it easy Spike, Dan isn’t gonna hurt her or anything.” >Just as you say this you hear Twilight scream, and you look to see that she’s flying all over the library trying to avoid being hit with the books that Dan is throwing at her. >Spike shoots you a dirty look and you finally decide to intervene. 2/26
>>21497790 >As you approach Dan he notices you and he starts to smile mischievously. >”I’m glad to see you here New Chris; I might need your help teaching this ignorant lackey how to do her job right. “ >”So hurry up and go grab some novellas to throw, and when she gets close enough make sure to finish her off with a dictionary.” “Dan as much as I would love to participate in book warfare with you, I have to say that this is getting out of hand.” >”Well she started it!” “Nevertheless, I’m just gonna say that if we leave now we can avoid the inevitable failure, and come up with a revenge plan together that may very well work out better than whatever you think this book war is accomplishing.” >”Sorry buddy, but I’m too far in to back down now.” >You sigh and turn towards the exit. “Well, see you real soon then.” >You walk outside and reach into your pocket, pulling out a magic whistle that Celestia gave you. 3/26
>>21497807 >Even though you blow into it no noise comes from the whistle. >But still without failure two members of Celestia’s royal guard are teleported here by her magic. “He’s in there,” you say pointing towards the library. >As they walk past you, you faintly hear one of the guards say, “as if it would be hard to find that little twerp.” >The other guard replies, “Yeah I know what you mean. Last time I had to do this the punk was yelling right in my ear, I wanted kick his head in.” >You’ve never liked those two guys, but unfortunately they’re the only members of the royal guard who have lasted longer than a couple weeks. >Being on Dan call is hard work, and only the best guards are up to the task. >The two guards come out of the library with Dan, each guard doing their best to subdue Dan while he thrashes around in their grip, repeatedly trying to get in a kick or a bite to his captors. >The guards get him a safe distance away from the library and then toss Dan onto the dirt, way harder than is necessary. >And then with a flash they’re gone, somehow Celestia always knows when to bring them back. >While still on the ground Dan writhes around a bit, gives off a low angry growl, and then raises his fists in the air shouting, “Library!” >Well you can’t say you don’t know where this is going. 4/26
>>21497834 >Dan gets up and dusts himself off, “well thanks for nothing Brutus. I would’ve won if you hadn’t used your favorite toy to thwart my revenge.” >You shrugged. “I didn’t have a choice that time Dan, there were witnesses.” >”So?! That doesn’t mean you automatically have to be a tattle tale!” “Actually it does.” >Dan turns away from you and throws up his hands, “you’re impossible to talk too right now.” “Well then let’s go see a movie.” >”No! No movies New Chris!” >Dan began pacing, “since you ruined everything, you have to come with me and help me with my new revenge plan.” >You shook your head and relented. “Alright fine. As long as we don’t have to go to your house I’m game.” >Dan looks at you judgmentally, one of his favorite looks, “why, what’s wrong with my house?” >Dan’s house is probably the worst place in all of Equestria. >His house makes the dump look clean, the sewers smell good, and Fluttershy’s house look pest free in comparison to the nightmare he lives and sleeps in. >Suffice to say Rarity doesn’t even come around to this side of Ponyville anymore. >As soon as you step inside you are amazed yet again at how not only is it still a mess, but it got even worse. > And you look down and see that on your first step in you squished a moldy old tomato that had grafted onto the carpet. “Hey Dan, you don’t still have that rat problem do you?” >You watch as Dan walks a beaten path around all the trash to get to the kitchen. >”No, I don’t think so. I’ve been setting up traps around the house.” >You look and to your surprise you see that Dan has indeed been setting up traps around his house to kill the rats. >He’s been setting bear traps. >One wrong move here and you’ll regret it. “Dan, you know those are bear traps right?” >”Well the regular traps were too small for the rats I’ve got.” >You could have sworn there was some pride in his voice when he said that. 526
>>21497869 >You carefully maneuver yourself over to Dan’s smelly and stained couch and take a seat. >As you sink in the cushion you feel dampness on your pants. >You don’t want to know what you just sat in. >Just admit defeat and buy a new pair of pants later. >Dan is currently tearing his house apart and making the mess even bigger looking for something. >Some people like Rarity have a system, you know like organized chaos; all Dan has is enough energy to keep moving garbage around until he finds what he wants. “What’re you looking for anyway Dan?” >”Well buddy, the way I see it if a good upstanding citizen such as myself was framed and no longer allowed to use the library, then nobody should be allowed too.” “So what, you’re gonna blow up the library or something?” >”Nah, I’m out of explosives, I used all of them to teach those two jerks a lesson. You know the ones who sold me that stupid tonic that was supposed to cure my lactose intolerance.” >You chuckle at the memory. “Oh yeah, we blew up their cart, now I remember.” >Dan raises a finger for emphasis, his back still turned, “a simple give and take, I lose my lunch, they lose their livelihood.” “So what’s left for you then, arson, vandalism?” >”Even better, I know exactly how I’m gonna get things done this time.” >Dan turns towards you, and a huge smile creeps across his face as he says, “termites.” 6/26
>>21497884 >”Somewhere around here I’ve got a jar full of starving termites that are just dying to get some wood in their guts. All I gotta do is free them by Twilight’s dumb house and no more library.” >Dan giggles a bit and wipes away a small tear from his right eye, “she’ll be out of a job and homeless, isn’t that great? And I can just kick back and watch it happen.” >The joy never lasts in Dan’s life, and his happy demeanor quickly gets replaced by a look of annoyance, “now I just have to find that stupid jar.” >Dan walks towards you and sits down next to you on the couch, “to tell the truth I’m not really sure where I left them.” >Dan then suddenly gets an excited look on his face. He rises from his seat and lifts up his couch cushion, revealing among other things a glass jar. >Yes, a glass jar, full of dead termites. >”Oh come on! You guys weren’t supposed to starve that much, just a little bit!” >Dan throws the jar across the room and it breaks against his wall. >His face is beat red with anger and he’s begun frothing at the mouth. >”Dammit, now what am I supposed to do?!” “Can’t we just get some more termites, Dan?” >Dan began tearing his hair out, “do you know how long it took me to get those termites?! We don’t have that kind of time!” >Dan frantically began tearing up his entire house at an incredibly frantic speed. >”Maybe if I look hard enough I can find one leftover stick of dynamite or something.” >As Dan was busy destroying his house even further, something in the corner of your eye caught your attention. 7/26
>>21492931 >tfw Dan Vs doesn't even get an official cancellation >Most we will ever git is a tweet saying yeah it hasn't been canceled but everyone moved on to other projects so a 4th season probably wont ever happen
The fuck man. Dan Vs was one of the only modern cartoons I genuinely enjoyed.
>>21497900 >In a certain pile of Dan’s dirty clothes you could swear that you could see something pink in there. >Dan has a certain wardrobe made up of dark colors that he barely ever deviates from. >And you’re pretty sure he doesn’t own anything pink. >Oh shit the pile of dirty clothes just moved. >You could picture it now, ten rats the size of Scootaloo all scampering out of the pile as soon as you turn away. >”hee hee hee hee” >Okay, you just heard that pile of clothes giggle. >And you watch as Pinkie Pie slowly rises out of the top of the pile, and she pounces on top of Dan, landing on his chest with her front hooves. >”Hiya guys, are you happy to see me, huh?” “Hey Pinkie.” >You were always happy to see Pinkie Pie. >”Get off of me you cursed pink menace!” >Dan can’t stand her. >Pinkie gets off of Dan and proceeds to bounce around the room in her usual fashion. >”So a little birdy told me that a certain meanie mister got in trouble today, again.” >Dan lets out an exhausted groan, “I think you broke my ribs.” 8/26
>>21497920 >”So I got to thinking, ‘hey Pinkie why don’t you go hang out with your two best human friends today,’ and I just thought that was such a great idea that I rushed over here as soon as I could.” >”But I got here way too early. So I decided I would wait and surprise you guys, but then I guess I got sleepy in Dan’s stinky clothes pile and I ended up taking a nap.” >Dan gets up and mumbles to himself, “if only you had smothered.” “Well Dan, I’m glad that Pinkie didn’t smother.” >Pinkie playfully waves a hoof at you, “aw you’re so sweet Anonny. You always know just what to say.” >She then begins bouncing again, “so now that I’m awake I was thinking we could all spend the day having fun together. Whaddya think guys?” You clap your hands together, “okay, sounds good to me. “ >”Absolutely not!” Dan screams. >”You are forbidden from taking New Chris away from me today! We have way too much planning and revenge to do, and this termite fiasco has already put us behind schedule.” >Dan walks up to you and forces you towards the door, “come on buddy we gotta go find a replacement for those termites. I was thinking maybe some trained beavers would do the trick, or even better some insane trained beavers.” >Just as you and Dan are out the door Pinkie Pie pipes up saying, “I know where to get some termites.” >Dan stops in his tracks and turns around to face Pinkie. >”I’m sure Fluttershy would probably know where to find some termites, you could just ask her.” “She’s right on this one Dan, trust me.” >Dan scratches his head and lets out a sigh, “alright, alright, you can come with and take us to this Fluttershy guy, but only on one condition.” >Pinkie nods her head excitedly, “I’ll do anything, as long as I get to hang out with my best friend Danny.” >You let out a slight chuckle whenever you hear Pinkie Pie call Dan Danny. 9/26
>>21497938 “Yeah Danny,” you say in a mocking tone, “what’s the condition?” >The joy in this moment quickly fades when you catch a glimpse of the evil looking smile plastered on Dan’s face. >Dan walks over to Pinkie and puts his hand on the top of her head and says, “do you know what duct tape is?” >Somehow Pinkie Pie still knows where she’s going even with a head completely covered in duct tape. >Despite the occasional stumble you would never even know that she’s temporarily lost most of her senses. “Well Dan, at least you remembered to give her some air holes.” >Dan is walking beside you, snickering every now and then at his own handy work, “well she can’t exactly get us our termites if she’s dead New Chris, I thought that was obvious enough.” “You know, I could’ve just taken us to Fluttershy’s myself, there really was no reason to involve Pinkie in one of your crazy revenge schemes, I mean she could get hurt.” >With a shrug Dan replies, “She can handle it.” “Well I don’t want to risk it, come on let’s ditch her, you know for her own good.” >Dan flashes you a smile, “now you’re finally making some sense, let’s go.” >So you and Dan go off of the beaten path and take a shortcut to Fluttershy’s cottage, leaving Pinkie Pie to hop down the street blind, deaf, mute, and unattended. >It was for her own good. You really didn’t want Pinkie do get tangled up in Dan’s plan to destroy private property. >You’d make it up to her later, somehow. 10/26
>>21497962 >”Well I’m glad we got rid of that migraine inducer. I’m kind of impressed with you right now New Chris.” “Why’s that, Dan?” >”You just stole someone else’s idea and then got rid of them, that’s something that a genius like me would do.” >Wait a minute, is Dan right? >Dan pats you on the back, “if you keep acting like that New Chris you may just rise past your lowly grunt level and become second brain.” You scoff, “how can I be second brain when you’re already second brain?” >”Hey, don’t try to ruin this moment with your sarcasm buddy; I’m proud of you right now.” >Dan was right. You stole Pinkie’s idea and then abandoned her when she wasn’t useful anymore. >You didn’t used to do things like this. >Is it possible that Dan is rubbing off on you? >Before you can think about it any further Fluttershy’s cottage comes into view. >As you and Dan approach her door step you wonder if you should tell Dan that Fluttershy is extremely sensitive, and would probably start crying if Dan yelled at her even once. >But then again, seeing people’s reactions to Dan is half the fun of hanging out with him. >You knock on the door and a few seconds later the door cracks open just enough for a cute yellow face to peek out of it. >When she sees you Fluttershy smiles and swings the rest of the door open. >”Oh, hello Anon. How are-” >Fluttershy stops speaking and gets a worried look on her face when she sees who is with you. >She backs away a bit and begins staring at the ground, giving Dan a very timid and childish hello. 11/26
>>21497987 >Dan wastes no time being impolite, “You can skip the pleasantries lady, I’m only here for the termites.” >You’re not surprised at all when Fluttershy gets a confused look on her face. >Dan is just one of those people who expects you to be a mind reader. >If only more people knew that they would probably understand him better. >”Um, I’m sorry, but-” >”The termites!” Dan screams, cutting her off, “I want some termites, and I want them quickly! Sheesh isn’t anyone listening to me today?!” >Fluttershy is on the verge of tears and Dan shows absolutely no signs of stopping his tirade. >So guess who has to step in and make things go smoothly. >The way you see it, the sooner Dan gets these termites and ruins Twilight’s life, the sooner you can go home and take a nap. >Before Dan can do some more permanent damage to his reputation, you pull out the roll of emergency Pinkie duct tape you were carrying and use it to tape Dan’s mouth shut. >With Dan busy trying to free his hate machine, you now have the right amount of time to calm Fluttershy. >You calmly walk into Fluttershy’s cottage and shut the door behind you, leaving Dan outside thrashing around in the dirt struggling to get the tape off. >”Oh dear. Anon, will Dan be okay?” “Fluttershy, that man out there could get a face full of mace and it wouldn’t even faze him. He can handle a little duct tape.” 12/26
>>21497997 >You get down to Fluttershy’s eye level because you always found it easier to lie to someone when you were doing it right in their face. >Time to see if those acting lessons were worth it. “Fluttershy, I don’t know if you knew this already but…” >You stop yourself and start thinking about dead puppies in order to quickly summon up some fake tears. “The reason Dan is so emotional today is because,” you add in a couple of sniffles just to be safe, “his pet termites all died today.” >Fluttershy gasps, “oh goodness, the poor dear.” >Time to take it to the next level in the final act. >Going from melodramatic, to straight schlock. “And he is just so torn up about it that he doesn’t want to open up to anyone.” “All he wants to do is be angry all the time, and I just don’t know how to get him to talk about his true feelings.” “He wants more termites. New termites so that he can temporarily fill the gaping void of despair in his heart.” >You suddenly spring up on your feet and begin and throw your hand in your face. “Don’t you see Fluttershy? You are the only one who can help him, the only one who can help my poor heartbroken friend Dan!” “He needed those termites Fluttershy, they were the only living beings he truly cared for in this world!” >You bring both hands up to your face and buckle down on your knees as the scene draws to a close. “So please go. Please bring my friend some termites, so that he may have something to love in this terrible world that takes twice as much as it gives.” >You peek through your fingers to see an obviously effected Fluttershy nodding her head at you. >She gives you a quick embrace and then flies away from you and out the back door. >Some people will buy anything as long as it pertains to something they’re interested in. >You get up and recover yourself before opening the front door. >And Dan is still struggling with the tape oddly enough. 13/26
>>21498014 “I thought you would have been able to get that tape off by now.” >The remark elicits no response from Dan who is sitting on the ground staring at you intensely. >You approach anyways. “Now I know you’re probably thinking of killing me right now, but before you do anything rash, I just want you to know that I got the termites.” >Making sure that the part about termites comes out loud and clear, you quickly rip the tape off Dan’s face and take a few steps back as a precaution. >All the anger in Dan’s face disappears, “that’s all I needed to hear buddy.” >Dan gets up and invites himself into Fluttershy’s cottage, “now how about some lunch on me.” >As you sit on the couch Dan goes into the kitchen and quickly starts finding things to complain about. >”This house smells like a kennel, how can someone live like this?!” >As you watch Dan walk around the house you notice that all the animals seem to either scurry away or cower in fear whenever he comes near them. >Fluttershy raises some smart animals, that’s all you can say. >”All she’s got in here is pet food and fruit!” >You hear Dan slam a couple cabinet doors and gripe a bit before he comes back to you. >”I would kill for a good hamburger New Chris. Heck, I’d even eat one of those Hayburger abominations right now.” >Dan sits down in a chair across from you and actually relaxes for once. 14/26
>>21498034 >”So where are the termites buddy?” “Fluttershy is getting them right now. She’ll be back soon.” >Dan scratches his chin, “who?” “Fluttershy.” >… You pinch the bridge of your nose, “she’s the girl you just met like five minutes ago.” >Dan groans, “well whoever she is she’s taking way too long.” >A brief silence gives you some time to think. >Why exactly do you consider Dan your best friend anyway? >It must be because you can relate with him. >When you got here everything just seemed so perfect and happy, a real far cry from Earth. >And yet one more guy shows up and starts finding faults with every single little thing about this place, and you started to agree with him after a while. >He ended up bringing a little slice of Earth to Equestria, and maybe you needed that. >You considered that maybe you only ended up friends because he was the only other human besides you. >But you’ve thought about it before and realized that you could have just as easily become enemies that way. >So maybe your friends with him, just because you like spending time with him. >And he likes spending time with you. >At least, that’s what you like to think anyway. >And you hope it never gets more complicated than that. >”I miss fast food, New Chris.” >You take in a deep breath and close your eyes. “Yeah, me too.” >”And Mr. Mumbles.” >Mr. Mumbles? What’s that? >”Do you think we’ll ever go back to Earth New Chris?” >You doubted it. “Maybe.” >Dan was homesick. >You never would’ve thought. 15/26
>>21498048 >Suddenly an all too familiar voice filled the room, “oh what poor lost souls you two are.” >Dan quickly perks up, “who said that?” >”What? Why Anon, I can’t believe you never told Dan about little old me. Am I really that unmemorable?” You roll your eyes, “Why don’t you just come out already if you’re so hurt?” >The demonic spidery voice continues, “Because first impressions are everything my little human.” >Dan is growing visibly agitated as he watches you converse with a disembodied voice. >”Oh Dan, what’s the matter? I thought that someone as unstable as yourself would be used to hearing voices by now.” >Discord then appears in the middle of the room in the form of a demonic looking Dan, with yellow eyes, fangs, and horns. “I know I have.” >Quickly growing tired of this crap, you grab a vase on a table next to you and chuck it at DiscDan’s head. >Discord reverts back to his normal form, if you could call it normal, and rubs the spot on his head where the vase hit him. >”Well, there was no need to get violent now was there Anonymous?” >Discord changes face as quickly as only he can and elicits a low chuckle, “but then again, from what you’ve told me about your home world I can’t say I’m surprised.” >Looking past Discord you see Dan slowly trying to grab something, most likely a blunt object. “Dan this is Discord, and he’s not dangerous.” >Dan eyes Discord from horn to hoof. >”Alright, so you’re a deformed horse or something?” >Discord laughs, “Everything I’ve heard about you is true, oh you don’t know just how happy that makes me.” >Dan scowls and raises an eyebrow, “What did you hear?” >”Oh well, I didn’t hear everything. All I know is that you’re supposed to be a rude, crazy, short, unhygienic, sociopath with a hair trigger temper.” 16/26
>>21498068 >Dan jumps up out of his seat and lunges for Discord’s neck, but Discord teleports and Dan falls face first onto the floor >You look up and see Discord floating in the air laughing, “Well they were definitely right about the temper.” >Dan quickly gets up and you notice that he has a bloody nose, “I’m gonna cut off all those pieces that don’t belong on you!” “Why the hell are you here anyway Discord, is it just to piss us off?” >Discord extended both his arms outward, “why am I here? Why, I’m simply here to introduce myself to my new heroes of course.” >”You two have certainly caused a lot of damage today haven’t you?” >Discord then fashions a list in one hand and puts on some reading glasses, “let’s see, there’s brawling in the good princess’s library, taking advantage of friendly Pinkie Pie, lying to poor sweet Fluttershy.” >”If you ask me I’d say that you’re doing a lot of harm to these ponies you call your friends.” >Discord then with a snap of his fingers decorates the entire room with party decorations, “and I love it!” >He floats on down to your level and wraps you and Dan in an embrace, “You guys have to be two of the most deceitful and malicious beings in Ponyville.” >”And I can’t possibly begin to describe how much I love watching you two cause everyday havoc and chaos around this dull dump.” >Discord lets you both go and snaps his fingers again, this time giving himself a black shirt that says jerk on it just like Dan’s. >”I’m especially a big fan of yours Dan.” >Dan smiles, “Well it’s about time, finally someone gives me a little recognition for being so great.” >Discord smiles, it makes you shudder, “I love to watch your antics, whether you’re blowing up a building, causing a forest fire, or just shouting threats at strangers.” 17/26
>>21498084 >”I just wanted to find you and tell you that I appreciate all that you do, and if you ever need a supporter, I’m never too far away from your work.” >Discord then reaches into his mouth, pulls out a jar of termites, and gives it to Dan. >”These are the termites that Fluttershy had gathered for you; don’t ask me how I got them. Now I think it’s time to go destroy that library, it’s getting dark out.” >You look outside and see that the sun is setting on the horizon. >You’re not sure if the day just went by that quickly, or if Discord had something to do with it. >Dan is tapping on the jar and talking in a baby voice, “aw, are you little guys hungry? How would you like to eat a library, would you like that? I know I’d like to see you guys do that.” >Dan then runs out the door and calls, “come on New Chris, we’re not finished yet.” >You start for the door but stop just shy of leaving, and you turn around. >Sprawled out on the couch Discord is staring at you in a way that makes you feel like he has the upper hand. >”He’s not your friend you know.” >Nothing. You show you’re defiance and disbelief by not saying anything. >”He’s just using you. You’re like a tool to him.” >Discord smiles and gives a low laugh. >”But still, at least he spends time with you, I’ve never seen Celestia do that more than a couple times.” >Discord then tosses you something which you catch in your left hand. >It’s a whistle. >”She’s using you too.” >You look at the whistle in your hand for a while before dropping it on the floor. >As you turn around and head out you hear Discord one last time, “if you’re ever in the neighborhood feel free to drop on by, I’d love to hear about those world wars again.” >You catch up with Dan and try not to think about what Discord said. >”Where were you?!” “Doesn’t matter.” >“Well I guess I can’t disagree with that.” 18/26
>>21498107 >The sun is now completely gone, and the lights coming from the various windows of Ponyville are the only thing lighting the area as you approach the library. >Dan studies the library before him and begins to laugh with excitement. >He unscrews the jar holding the termites. >”We’re doing a good thing today buddy.” >Dan begins dumping hundreds of termites onto the base of the tree, smiling the entire time. >You turn around and survey the area around you. >Nobody in sight, hopefully everythin- >”Stop! Don’t go that way you idiots!” >You turn around to see what’s up, to your surprise it seems like none of the termites are eating the tree. They’re all crawling away. >”No! You’re supposed to eat this tree you stupid jerks!” “What the hell?” >Dan begins frantically scooping up handfuls of termites and tossing them onto the tree, but it’s no use, the termites won’t stay and eat the wood. >”Why?! I gave you everything! Food, shelter, love… So why won’t you do what I say!” >Dan then begins to smash all of the termites in a fit of blind rage, cursing and yelling all the way through. >Well, looks like you and Dan will be back at the drawing board tomorrow. >It’s weird though, why would all the termites run away from the tree? >You’re trying to figure it out, but it’s hard to think with Dan freaking out right next to you. >But even through all his racket you’re able to hear Spike quietly laughing inside the library. >You look up at the second floor window of the library and see Spike and Twilight looking out at Dan as he throws his tantrum, both of them smiling and giggling at the scene before them. >In fact, you take a closer look and notice that Twilight’s horn is a glow with magic activity. 19/26
>>21498117 >Well you have two options now. >You can ignore Twilight and spend another day getting revenge with Dan. >Or, you can out Twilight and let Dan have his way with her. >The situation would probably spin completely out of control; Dan would most likely get arrested and you’d have to bail him out. >He might not even get his revenge; he could just freak out and break tons of Twilight’s stuff in a blind rage. “Hey Dan, look at the second floor window.” >Dan looks up and sees them, and the smiles on Twilight’s and Spike’s faces are gone and replaced with a look of shock. >You’d make it up to Twilight later, somehow. >Not wasting any time, Dan kicks open the door to the library and barges in like a member of a raid. >Dan then immediately starts making a big mess as he begins turning over tables and knocking down bookshelves. >”Get out from wherever you’re hiding you slop jockey; I wanna know what you did to my termites!” >Dan grabs a large shard of glass lying on the floor from the window he broke earlier, “I promise I just wanna talk!” >Twilight Sparkle is then seen coming down the stairs, her body enclosed in a magical protective bubble. >”Hey that’s cheating! I never said you were allowed to have a handicap, Twilight!” >Twilight has a look of both frustration and utter shock when she sees the huge mess that Dan has already made. >”What in the wide wide world of Equestria do you think you’re doing to my library?!” >Dan snorts, “I’m obviously trying to save my good name from being tarnished! I honestly have no idea why everyone thinks you’re so smart.” >”Now there are two things that I want from you that you’re gonna give me. One, I want you to clear my overdue book charges and let me rent the book I want.” >”And two, I wanna know what you did to my termites! Then I want you to bring them back to life so they can eat your house, and if you refuse I swear I’ll make you eat it instead!” 20/26
>>21498128 >Twilight shakes her head and says in a tone of amazement, “Wait a minute, are you telling me that you’re doing all this just because or your overdue book?” >”I do not have an overdue book!” Dan angrily spits. >Twilight uses her magic to levitate a large book over to Dan, “Yes you do.” >”Take a look in the check-out page where I have you underlined, you rented ‘How to Woo a Lady’ over a month ago and haven’t given it back.” >Okay you officially call in favor of Dan on this one, because he would never rent a book like that. >Dan officially calls in favor of himself as well, “I would never rent a book like that! Why would I ever rent a book like that?!” >Twilight rolls her eyes, “How should I know?” >You were busy relaxing in the only chair in the library that wasn’t busted when suddenly you see Spike motioning for you to come upstairs. >With a sigh you decide to leave the show early to see what Spike wants. >You walk up the stairs and follow Spike into an empty room. 21/26
>>21498143 >”I need to talk to you Anon, it’s important.” >Important huh. “Okay Spike what’s up? I know Dan didn’t rent that book.” >Spike begins averting your gaze and starts twiddling his claws, “Yeah, well-“ “Why Dan Spike?” >”Well I was embarrassed. Lots of ponies see that record every day and I didn’t want anyone to know that I was having trouble winning over Rarity.” You shake your head, “Yeah, I get that. But why Dan?” “I mean seriously, out of all the citizens in this town you could’ve framed you picked Dan, honestly what were you thinking?” >Spike grew more anxious, ”well I wasn’t going to keep it for very long, and Dan rarely ever uses the library anyways so I thought it’d be okay.” “Yeah well it isn’t, Spike. Go get the book and give it back to Twilight before Dan kills her.” >Spike groans, “that’s the problem though; I lost it, and believe me I’ve been looking for it for a long time.” “So go tell Twilight you lost it.” >Spike nervously gulps, “But what about Dan, won’t he be mad at me when he finds out?” “Well yeah of course he’s gonna be mad, but trust me, it’ll be fine.” >”Yeah, but Anon-“ >You get down on eye level with Spike and put your hand on his shoulder, “trust me Spike.” >You stand up and head out the door with Spike not far behind. “If it makes you feel any better I’ve never seen Dan hurt a kid.” >Doesn’t mean he never has, just means that you’ve never seen him do it. 22/26
>>21498153 >You enter the library and see Dan trying to push Twilight out the front door, bubble and all. >He notices you, “where have you been, I’ve been calling you?! I need your help getting her through here, and then I need you to show me where the nearest cliff is.” “That won’t be necessary Dan; I have proof of your innocence.” >Dan’s rage subsides, “you do?” “Yeah, well actually I don’t have proof, but Spike did it, he told me himself.” >Dan quickly accepts what you say as proof and yells at Twilight, “see?! I told you I didn’t do it!” >Twilight wears a confused and concerned look on her face as Spike approaches her. >”Spike, is Anon telling the truth?” >Spike stares at the floor for a while before answering, “Yeah. I lost the book and blamed Dan, I’m sorry.” >The bubble around Twilight disappears and she wraps her front leg around Spike pulling him in for an embrace he’s probably well acquainted with. >”Oh Spike, you don’t need to apologize to me. I understand how you’d be embarrassed being caught with a book like that.” >”Hey!” Dan yells, “What about me?! Your walking gila monster framed me and I demand immediate restitution for this injustice!” >Twilight nuzzles Spike, “We can talk about it tomorrow. Now go upstairs and get ready for bed.” >Spike gives Twilight a smile and a nod and then heads upstairs, yawning and rubbing his eyes. >Twilight watches Spike walk up the stairs with a certain warmness in her eyes that you’ve only seen in mothers. >A warmness that disappears when she turns her head to face Dan. >Dan watches Spike leave, “where’s he going, doesn’t he have to clean this mess up?” 23/26
>>21498167 >”I’ve had just about enough of you!” Twilight suddenly shouts. >Her outburst stuns both you and Dan. >”I don’t appreciate you coming into my house and making a big mess of things, not just once, but twice in one day!” >You could see that Dan was trying to think of a retort, but at the same time he actually looked shocked. >”And then I find out from Pinkie Pie, who was completely covered in duct tape by the way, that you and Anon were looking for termites! >”So after I have to spend two hours trying to get all the duct tape off of Pinkie, I then have to keep a protection spell on my house all day just in case someone decides to try and destroy it!” >”And surprise, surprise, it actually happened! You two actually went out of your way to try and infest my home with termites.” >Twilight prods Dan in the chest a couple of times before continuing. >”Spike and I are both way too tired to clean up your mess again, so guess what?! You get to do it, and you can help him Anon, since I know how much you like to do that!” >”And I don’t want to hear one complaint from either of you! As far as I’m concerned I’m letting you two off with a warning!” >Twilight gives both you and Dan each a broom, sneering in anger the whole time. >”Oh and by the way Dan, I’m afraid this library doesn’t have that book you wanted anymore. You want to know why? Cause you threw it at me today and the spine broke.” >She then walks up the stairs to her bedroom and leaves you and Dan to the task at hand. You sigh, “Wow, Twilight’s pretty mad at us huh?” >Dan shrugs, “yeah. You should really find out what you did to make her so upset.” >You and Dan sweep for a couple of minutes, but eventually you begin to feel the weight of the day press on you, and you decide to just drop the broom and leave. >Dan does the same and you both exit the library. >You’d make it up to her later, again. 24/26
>>21498179 “So did you get your revenge Dan?” >”Didn’t have to buddy, you proved me innocent.” “Let’s see a movie tomorrow, how does that sound?” >”Alright, but you have to pay.” You smile at Dan, “Don’t I always.” >He smiles back and starts walking home, “And I get to pick the movie.” >Satisfied you go the opposite direction and begin the journey to your home. >Oh hold on, one more thing. “Hey Dan!” >You see him turn around and form a megaphone with his hands, “What is it buddy!” “Who’s Mr. Mumbles!” >”That was the name of my kitty back home!” >Dan had a pet, who knew. >Never figured him for a cat person either. “Okay, see you later!” 25/26
>>21498198 >Back home you begin to strip your clothes. >You reach down to unbutton your pants, but first you always reach into your pocket and pull out the whistle. >Discord said that Celestia was just using you to keep tabs on Dan. >But the whistle was actually your idea. >You’ve since regretted ever coming up with it. >Discord also said that Dan was using you. >He’s not the only one who thinks this. >Dan isn’t using you though. >Everyone thinks that, but it isn’t true. >They’d know that if they ever saw one of the times when you both shared a laugh, or talked about life back on Earth, or just noticed that you were both thinking the same thing. >These moments are rarely public though. >But maybe that makes them more meaningful. >Suddenly your thoughts are interrupted by a knock on your door. >You open it and see Twilight, Pinkie, and Fluttershy standing on your door step. >Twilight is glaring at you and holding a broom with her magic. >Pinkie Pie now has multiple bald spots on her head. >Fluttershy is in tears; she’s wearing a funeral veil and holding a baggie full of crushed termites. >You look at all three of them with weary eyes, “Come back in the morning.” >You then shut the door behind you and crawl into bed. “I hope nothing happens tomorrow.” 26/26
wow this thread's still up >>21498318 um... thanks >>21498322 that's what I was going for >>21500400 the story felt the right length to me, some of the posts were on the small side though and you're right to be angry about that >>21504541 I plan on writing more of them but not anytime soon, I just got back into writing and I wanna finish some other stuff first, but I'll definitely come back to it someday cause writing Dan is just really really fun
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